Can we discuss this topic?The interference of 'MEN OF GOD'' In Marriages!
She must have seen the signs that staying with her hubby could endanger her life and that was why she approached the Pastor but he told her to stay and pray and she did,LOOK AT HER NOW???
My question now is how does one even tell a real man of God and if he is actually hearing from God or just following the bible verses.?
A Preacher will never tell anyone to leave their Marriage but is it possible that the signs we get to leave are from God even though the Bible frowns against divorce?..God will never let you stay in a situation where you will be hurt and so he gives you wisdom to decipher ......RIGHT?
So many lives have been lost via Domestic Violence because the Pastor says ''STAY AND PRAY''....*sad*
Did i make sense? Can we discuss this?
most times we listen to men of God cos we believe they hear from God.....and its always difficult leaving a man you love so much even if he has beaten you especially when he ask forgiveness and promise never to do that again...
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteBut when beating enter ...my dear see me dey hold baton!
Joyous u are correct. I think love also makes a woman not desert her man when he becomes abusive. Especially when they come begging for forgiveness.
DeleteAgain pastors are different from prophets. The man I married today was a fulfilled prophecy I got from two different prophets years before I got married. Nd all what they said matched with what I got to know about huby.
So it's complicated.
I think if her mind was made up to leave she won't give a second thought to d pastor's advice. Does she want him to tell her to divorce her husband? No na.... he can't do that.
I don't think it's about her pastor. She wanted to remain in d marriage. Because if the signs are glaring that the marriage has hit the rocks, going to d pastor' for advice is like not being realistic.
A pastor only reaffirms what one believes is true. Except you are brainwashed, you don't follow willy nilly what another person says. She wanted to stay she just needed the pastor to encourage her staying in an abusive marriage.
DeleteI think it's more of love, because if a woman doesn't love her husband, she won't even go as far as seeking advice from a man of God. This thing called love, no be small thing.
DeleteMy own is that, only the one who wears the shoes knows where it pinches. I am therefore an advocate of "follow your instincts" according to your situation.
DeleteNo pastor, no cleric, no parent, no adviser or psychologist can know your spouse more than you do. If you feel that your life is in danger, then it would be sheer foolishness if you continue to endanger your life because you want to fulfil all righteousness.
What is the biblical righteousness that guides marriage if I may ask? Oh please, spare me.
If you refuse to apply common sense and you die in the process, I wonder what God will say to you when you get up there. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
I don't buy into that "do not divorce" nonsense. Divorce if you have to, I don't think that God will frown at it if you have valid reasons why you want out abeg. Enough said.
OK bye
Sisi Eko... 1 MILLION LIKES... I CONCURR
DeleteA Pastor cannot advise for a divorce. I still believe that ones discretion is highly needed.
ReplyDeleteAdadioramma, nne, men n marriages are not worth the headache,heartache and other aches they cause(some) i still stand that if it is working, if ur not happy, f ur loosing rather that improving and gaining ursef, if it causes u more tears than laughter. Why not leave!!!!!!
DeleteYou are right at Ada. A pastor will hardly tell you to leave your marriage..
DeleteI have a place I go to for their Wednesday prayers and the man will always say if a man or a woman coins to him asking him if he or she should leave their marriage, that he wouldn't tell them to leave so people should not come to him asking such. He said if in your heart you know it's not working and you have done your best, then you should know about best decision to take and not come to him
So if bible frowns at divorce nd says the woman or man should remain single except their spouse dies that they can remarry, what is your take on that? It's really confusing cos if u don't remarry, u would commit fornication, which is a sin too.. God help us understand d bible well
ReplyDeleteThe rate of domestic violence. Smh. The Word of God guides us to know what is wise to do in every situation.
DeleteDivorce only on d grounds of unfaithfulfulness but when a woman's husband is impulsive and physically abusive, it endangers her life.
So is it wise to stay under d same roof with a man dat may one day kill her? No! She needs her space and so does he. So she should do this:GET OUT AND GET HELP.
But while she is separated, I will advocate she keeps praying for him and her marriage. I hav so much faith that God can restore dat man. Never undermmine d power of prayer esp when u pray it right.
Prayer works when pray it right.
Also, when she getd out, she shld talk to people who can help her man, people who prolly will help counsel ur husband.
It's a healing process. Step by step.
And mayb giving d man his space will help him realize what she really means to him and sober him up...maybe...
As for a pastor advising u to stay when ur man is physically abusive, pls allow God lead u that’s why u ought to knw Him for urself so u will knw when He is telling u to stay or leave.
Mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
The bible states that you can leave a marriage when he/she lacks loyal.
DeleteThe bible says you can leave your marriage only on basis of infidelity, but your brain tells you to leave on basis of domestic violence and the likes.
DeleteTo be frank with you, a pastor cannot ask me to put my hands in the fire that it wont hurt, and i will listen to him. Thats why it is good to disobey sometimes. The person that wears the shoe knows exactly where it is hurting. So both are to be blame.
ReplyDeleteExactly my sister
DeleteShe is just using a Pastor to cover up her stupidity and foolishness . The husband has warned her to leave his house many times but she prefer to stay put and die there.
ReplyDeletePersonal Common sense is better than what a pastor says.
ReplyDeleteTell them oh
DeleteWhy on earth would somebody allow a fellow human being to dictate to hem/her? We should all realise that the pastor/imam is a mere mortal and subject to human failings and frailties. He is only there to act a s a moral guide. Once a woman spots the signs, she should take a walk. As for me, I did take a walk after one month of marriage and I'm very happy I did. Every body condemned me for it and called me unprintable names but I thanks God every day that I walked out on that animal. Till date, the animal cannot believe that I walked out on him. I pray mmoer women develop a backbone of steel. We all need it in this male dominated society where we have to deal with male chauvinist pigs at every corner we turn. May God help women.
ReplyDeleteHow are we even sure dem dey really hear from God?
DeleteBiko let God speak to me himself!
Hi Stella, This is the topic in our church on Sunday, one thing i learnt from church on sunday about pastors is that you need to ask your pastor some questions about where did he or she get converted into Christ. Any pastor that does not have good foundation from a spiritual father,you really need to check them very well, A pastor that just spring up over night from no where, you need to check them very well.
ReplyDeleteBible says test every spirit
Deletetheres nothing like spiritual father madam mountain of fire
DeleteYou are absolutely correct. I have said this before. All the great prophets in the bible were anointed by known prophets of God. So nobody can just tell us he was called from his mother's womb to start pastoring a church.
DeleteWetin we wan discuss abeg if your oga dey treat u bad just find way separate but e no mean say u go dey kpansh any dirty dick around wt ya slimmy loose otele, no be say u go turn ashewo
ReplyDeleteNa wetin make me come love my aunty wey dey beat em husband well well infact e don die sef now
One should work with personal values and conviction. She saw this coming; perhaps if she had followed her values which were been let down and trodden upon by her so called DH, maybe she would still be a full figured guman being. Just imagine; suddenly becoming a person with disability.
ReplyDeleteAs Christians, we should always pray for discerning spirit so as to know when to act or not.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing is kinda confusing atimes. Staying can work for some and to some, it might kill them.
Common wait u think say this gym n wait lifting I dey go na for show aah egba mi, na make I take beat blue black comot my husband body anytime em try rubbish near me. Getaway here fufu face no dey troll my comments
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEven one's mother wouldn't asked you to leave your own matrimonial home but every thing in this life I think is common sense. I wonder how this days people still listens to who pastor says they should and shouldn't be with. This was how I lost my bf years back because a pastor asked him to flee from me. So we should really trade carefully when it comes to things like this. I really feel for this woman.
ReplyDeleteMek I perch here..
Delete"God loves marriages but loves the people involved more"
Pastor say..pastor say.. It should be "God say..God say.." Honestly! Whatever my pastor says, I cross check with God's utterances. If they tally,I take them. If not.. Pastor dey on hin own o. On judgement day I,Miss Sauve will represent myself. Not my pastor.
Hmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteAm going to read comments
As I dey no man born by woman fit harm my finger sef craze senior na, wetin I carry this big mouth do aaah before u reach my finger I don already chop ya prick swallow for ya front sef
ReplyDeleteWho born the bastard
Mrs korks.
ReplyDeleteSo many catholic priests will ask a woman who has a troubled marriage to leave pending on some factors, he won't sat go and re narry,since there are set procedures for divorce proceedings in the church.
Many pastors will say "stay" because the don't wear the shoes.
To be continued NKY is my name
The Catholicchurch even has a committee specially set up for cases like this. They recommend marriages for annulment in some cases... I just love the Catholic church so organised... This woman will be borrowing her pastors hands to Cook, clean and do every other thing she wants to do.. Since she refused to apply common sense.
DeleteTrue,Rev.Fathers even wed divorcees who divorced on good grounds.
DeleteThe same way some people here are encouraging "war room"...
ReplyDeleteOriegwu!...
And coconut oil for every skin problem !
DeleteAnd mermaid style😂😁😃
DeleteReading comments.
ReplyDeletePoint of correction stella,not all preachers would advice u stay.
ReplyDeleteI remember a very close friend of mine whom her pastor asked her to leave her hubby for a while(just separate) she wasn't really in support of leaving her Hubby's house but d pastor and Hus wife encouraged her and explain to her dt it will be just a separation and not actual divorce and dt would enable the both of them hv a rethink especially d guy. He actually told her dt d guy would come begging n when he does,she shld use d opportunity to set things straight .And guess what???it played out so well though she did move out reluctantly, she's enjoying every bit now bcx d guy was an emotional wreck during her absence.
Not all ladies are lucky to hv spiritual leaders wt such knowledge though.
What works for one,may not work for another in some cases,it's good that your friend's own worked out fine..... Some go pack out, na separate for a while the woman go think say she dey do,na so husband go take carry another woman enter house dey live with am....I got a question # why is it that it is women that leaves the house when the marriage crumbles,na man suppose dey leave find him square root, let the woman remain in the house instead.naija is a very lawless country and no laws protecting women.why won't their men be behaving badly when they know say nothing go happen.
DeleteThat's true anonymous.Their issue wasn't abt womanizing.He wasn't into dt just dt he was always insulting her,whenever she does something wrong and always asking her to go back to her parents house dt he needed "peace of mind" without having anybody around.
DeleteSo she left him and he came back to his sences
My Bishop will never allow you to stay in a loveless marraige. I have a friend that had problems with her marraige - emotional problems. She was asked by him, should I pray that God push this man out of your way, so that God will give you a good man that would love you the way you wanted but she refused. she said she still wants to stay with the man. What can he do.
ReplyDeleteHe will ask a question.... What do you want God to do for you? Your answer determines what to pray for.
It is a pity that this happened to the woman. gullible men of God that dont hear the voice of God speaking to them.
Useless pastor indeed. That's how my friend's husband will always beat her, call her so many evil names for not putting food on the table yet the stupid man will not bring money for her family needs and food.yet a so called woman of God keep telling her to STAY and PRAY.i have told my friend time without number to leave the marriage and she says what will happen to her 2 kids because she is not working. HABA!!!! I feel like posting the man ' s picture so that people will see the idiot. He will impregnant her wife but will not give her a dime for a maternity gown. The wife has turn to a beggar. And the man himself is working and earning well. Keep late night and drinks too much. Women Don suffer. Anyway I have told her to borrow brain and receive Sence because me I am tired of her ugly story. Useless pastors everywhere all in the name to belong.
ReplyDeleteLet her read the story up there
DeleteDirect her here!
Leave the marriage asap. Marriage is over rated. God did not create man to be maltreated by another. Divorce and raise your head high.
DeleteMay God also give us common sense to know when to stay or leave. Our spirit bears us witness that we are children of God so sometimes,you don't need to ask anyone. May God help us all.
ReplyDeleteAnnoy 12.30 continued .... NKY.
ReplyDeleteMrs korks,
I am a catholic....my father "s elder sister is a pastor...she is also married to a pastor.
A couple of years ago,my father"s younger sister was having severe marital issues, her hubby was abusing her physically,verbally and emotionally.
My father"s pastor sister screamed, "leave the marriage"
My Father met with her (I was present),he said " Ndaa,how can u encourage Tina to quit her marriage. As a pastor,if a church member going through the same situation, sought your advise. Will u encourage her to quit???"
My Aunty laughed and said "Nathan, that's my church member, Tina is my sister,so I must be real with get,i will encourage my church h member to stay and pray,becayse,if I encourage her to quit,,,my members will be disappointed via I encourage divorce.!!!
So to all the pastor worshippers,,,he will tell u what u want to hear...so do the needful.
Forgive my typo errors.
Stella, they just released another story of a woman whose husband cut off her hands and legs. Kenyan too, from the same community as this woman.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I WILL NEVER stay with a man who slaps me even once.
Hi five✋
DeleteYou are right my sister. This so called men of GOD deceiving people since the time of GOD knows when all in the name of prophecy
ReplyDeleteStella who told u that a preacher cant ask someone to leave their marriage. Not true! Depending on the circumstances behind the spouse wanting to leave eg DV or marriage by deceit you can be given the green card to walk out. God hates divorce but doesnt say divorce is a sin abeg.
ReplyDeletedid her pastor force her to stay, no good pastor will tell you to leave your marriage, no pastor will tell you to divorce your husband/wife. She should have used her number 6 since the pastor was not the one collecting all the beating.
ReplyDeleteMOG should just leave couples to run their marriages after joining them. They wear the shoes and know where it pinches. You can settle anything but once DV rears its head,advice separation for a while ,while the parties think of d way forward. These guys should stop formimg fada fada on people's lives. Will the pastor give her a new pair of hands? MOGs have done more harm to marriages than good,I swear down.
ReplyDeleteSome preachers are highly sentimental. They will not want to strike a balance between what is right and what is religious. I blame those who let preachers dictate how they should live their lives. You wear the shoe,you know how much it hurts, the preacher has absolutely no idea about that.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing confuses me... Could it be that we are not to follow what's written in the Bible? How can God hate divorce and yet some people die in the marriage because they dont want to provoke God... Please ooo haaaa
ReplyDeleteMrs korks,
ReplyDeleteMy friend got married in June to a dude she meet on fbk In may she saw him physically a day to her traditional marriage.
After her traditional Marriage, she moved in with the dude who works in Lag... she discovered, he smokes anything "smoke able ", he watches animal porns,he is highly addicted to sex.
He videos her when she is sleeping naked....sm(she tumbled on the videos when she snooped)
He abuses her....his temperament is on another level.
Hahaha...
Babe told him is over,he said "never". That ge has told his people their wedding in in September and that it must hold!!
She ran to get pastor who approved the union as "God"s perfect plan"
Pastor said she shud stay,that now she knows his week point, she should know where to channel her prayers.
So my dear friend, dob turn to prayer worrior, ,,,,,maybe one day,una go read her story.#shinesTeeth.
Whaaaat...are u for real?
DeleteOnly in Africa do people believe pastors that are not even qualified to advice kindergarten graduates
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons I love catholic priests....the will never encourage you to stay in a toxic marriage.
ReplyDeleteThat is why u see lots of single parents in that church.
I am a deeper life by marriage,and we are encouraged to be slaves in marriage....
Now I wish I married my catholic boyfriend who was a brokeass,now he is so rich and single...he even sends money to me (upon I don marry).
Ladies, marry for Love..and not money!!!
Someobe"s life can change either for good or bad in split seconds.
My name is MaryCynthia
If the foundation be destroyed, what shall the righteous do?
ReplyDeleteTHIS is why we are asked to pray before marriage, so God can reveal who our God given partner is.
The question is, how did you end up in a man's house? ....If due protocols were observed, there won't be so much failed union today.
A pastor will never ever ask you to leave your marriage even if you went to show him a gun wound your spouse gave you, because, God forbids divorce.
No one sees fire n walks up to it Cus he wants to test his faith with God. If you dun get burned, its not because of ya might but it's because of the mercies of God.
Same goes to marriage. God already showed you these signs so you can believe ya fate n walk out but, bt many ve ignored it n some ain't alive to make no decision no more.
We serve a God of great Mercies.. Who z always ready to give us a new beginning, walk out n start a new life if you dun c God in your Union.
#SayNoToDomesticViolenceByWalkingAway.
Hahahaha....
ReplyDeleteNa so my cousin"s pastor encourage her to stay with the Vagabond she Married. That he has a bright future....Dude died after 4years.
Hahaha......
Some pastors abuse their wives,so they won't encourage a woman undergoing abuse to leave,because to them,its the new normal.
That is why some pastors will never allow you to marry unbeliever. It is a common sense when you find yourself in this kind of situation, get out if you love your life, stay put if you want to die or better still give him or her a chance for a while to see if there will be changes.
ReplyDeleteWhat we have in Africa are Fake individuals who take advantage of vulnerable Africans.
ReplyDeleteBecause we so much believe in everything they say same reason our continent can't even boast about anything apart from corruption.
The westerners brought religion to us to enable us have some sense of belonging but our Religious leaders instead use it to enrich themselves while leaving our people in poverty.
I believe in "praying your way out" not depending on anyone's help. With all the churches and mosques we have in Africa we are still backward.
The way we practice Religion is a joke as we do not even follow the commandments in the Bible and Koran.
BV's be like..."Return to your husband and watch war room".
ReplyDeleteBV's be like..."Return to your husband and watch war room".
ReplyDeleteThis domestic violence is a serious case....every pastor wld say u shldnt liv d marriage but wen it comes to a matter involving ur life my dear I dnt tink stayin in dat type of marriage is an option
ReplyDeleteStells, this is a very controversial issue that might not necessarily fall within the orthodox black or white situation, a few shades of grey areas exist. Most pastors have good hearts so it is very easy to confuse what they perceive as hearing from God with their own opinion.
ReplyDeleteMost times when I ask people in troubled marriages if they've seen their spiritual leaders and what exactly was said, most of them tell me the prayers came after the counselling session. In other words, most pastors/spiritual leaders already have a default answer to every marital dispute. Some don't see the need to pray and hear from God before they start counselling because "God hates divorce". How many have actually sought God's opinion on separation?
It's worst in most African countries because of the hypocrisy of a lot of our traditional beliefs. Personally, I see divorce as a last resort if and where life, limb or sanity is at stake but I encourage temporary separation in most cases. A good number of marriages get better after a few months/years of separation. The erring spouse sees how miserable life is without the other and that's motivation enough to do whatever it takes to do right by the other and get reconciled. I believe there are some cases where God was never present for the "joining" through marriage of some couples. So they may be married in the physical realm but they aren't spiritually.
There are also cases where the instruction from God will be for both parties to stay apart for a while till both get the healing they need. But since divorce and separation in the church is one of the most, if not the most controversial topic, most pastors will never encourage it even if deep down they know it's the right thing to do. Only a few, maybe 8 out of 50 pastors will encourage a woman in an abusive marriage to flee for her safety while keep praying for God to heal her abusive spouse. I can not imagine God knowing imminent danger lies ahead yet He will instruct a woman to remain in that abusive atmosphere because He hates divorce. He loves us too much to also leave us to die before our time or get disfigured.
It goes to the very beginning of it all. The unmarried ones should pray to God bring the right person their way and still give them the grace to stay married. Marrying the right spouse is just a part of it, we must still work on our marriages to keep the flames of passion burning. No matter how you slice it or dice it, marriage isn't meant for the fainthearted. It is hard work but totally worth it if you marry wisely.
I am breaking my commenting sabbatical to speak on this issue!
ReplyDeleteBefore we even begin to dissect the role Pastors play in marriages such as hers, I have come to the conclusion that A LOT of people are marrying wrongly more and more these days!
Not every woman must be married by 25 or 30. These days, you see people, women especially, rushing into marriages because all their friends are married and having babies. Stop letting society dictate your life for you! Only God Almighty should be instructing you on what should and should not be happening in your life.
If more women and men prayed to God to direct their steps, and place them in the right place at the right time, in order to meet the person that has been ordained for them, there would no need for divorce. There would be no need to even go to a pastor to help mend your marriage.
When you are truly with the person God has created especially for you, everything falls into place and is easy! There is no confusion. There is no need to send chronicles to SDK. Even if issues arise, the two of you tackle it together because there is understanding and respect for each other's views and opinions.
I don't know the reason why this lady married the man that she did, but I truly believe that if she had let God direct and lead her in the search for a spouse, she would have never made the cover of this newspaper. And if they did make the cover, it would be because they had made great strides in Kenyan society.
who be pastor bikonu? some women are just plain stupid. dem no born any man wey go carry hand beat me in the name of marriage. i go put water pia pia for him tea make the idiot die. what rubbish! see now whose hands was chopped off? shey na her pastor hand? all these yeye pastors wey full everywhere be leading people to their grave anyhow.
ReplyDeletethere is nothing to be discussed here. if you are with a violent man LEAVE HIM. his cock aint worth one of your fingers. what we need to discuss is self worth and self esteem not this.
God stated that He is no respecter of persons. Titles bestowed upon humans here on earth have nothing to do with God. Every person has the same,equal access to God. The so-called man of God does not have anything different than any of us do, so people should not put them on a pedestal, again, because God is no respecter of persons. Stop thinking these people have something you don't.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man is using you as a punching bag it is you who feel the blows not the pastor, so why even involve them. Divorce is there for a reason, let no person tell you God hates divorce, it is a lie. God hates wickedness! There is nothing wicked or sinful about divorcing someone who beats you. Your life is your responsibility to protect. Your first responsibility in life was to your body, to keep it clean, healthy and free of harm. Your life is your responsibility!
Is it only divorce that God hates. Pride, stealing, covetousness, greed, malice, murder , sin in toatality , God hates . Don't die in a useless marriage. Learn to quit and ask God for forgiveness.
ReplyDelete