Na wah...Hehehehehehe....too much of everything is bad!!
Sweety mi,
Good day! Abeg make una no mind any errors and abeg abeg abeg HIDE MY IDENTITY oooooooo.
So I just decided to pen mine down.
We had a very long distance relationship and it took us exactly 1year and 9months to wed after Customary Introduction.
He opined for a Christian relationship of NO SEX!
It was ok by me (after all I wasn't a virgin and I been don chop beleful). At the time, I had rededicated my life. #anewcreature
We would find time to visit each other, spend quality time and retire to separate rooms at night. In the morning, we meet and pray. Ok na! One good day, I told myself to check how sharp his 'cutlass' is and whether it is actually a cutlass or table knife. Hmmm na so we com chunk oo! Choi! No disappointments.
We wedded Friday and Saturday! I was excited to chunk on my wedding night. Even gisted some friends. We lodged.
Ooboy start to snore. For real? After almost 2years? Chei I haff enta one chans oo.
I woke him up say '(what was his pet name again sef?) Cos he made me change it. Hmmmm I had to wake him up oo.
Hmmmm guy please wake up oo. Please let's do. Its our wedding night and I must do. Choi! Meanwhile he had malaria. Bet coupled with stress, cos wedding was his location.
He said that he's very tired and sick. Plus that malaria affects his libido and erection. Ghen ghennn! I don hear am be that.
I had to beg him to do anything at all at all just for the sake that it is 'wedding night'. Couldn't imagine!
BV's abeg solve this arithmetics:
Wedding night (No chunks + Long absence + Congee = ???)
We sha did one rubbish jigijgi . No penetration. I sha pitied him make e no be like - 'Sex is more important than a sick new spouse' (I hate to remember).
I took ill too.
Later, he made up oo. I remember saying "Choi! So the strength derived from our long absence na im you wan use give me muscle pull?!?!" Hanging legs upandan, doing yoga in sex, gymnastics, acrobatics, utilizing the space in the house, almost getting your meal burnt, seeing movies and chunking, being locked-up naked til late noon,... abeg it has do make I no cum wet for Stella post. (sorry not 'cum', I meant 'come'.) *shines teeth.
I will even have migraine courtesy to 'multiple orgasm'. Even get to work late, all beaming with smiles dey shine teeth. He would call to change my programme for the day because of...
...but now, the sex is WACK!!! My main regrets of the marriage is the sex ish. He can go monthsssssss and even a year + months...
*You are complaining of too much s3x?WOW!!!...when exactly is s3x too much when is it too less and when is it moderate?Men can never please women...na wah!
Na wa!
ReplyDeleteWhile trying to be humorous, you came out boring...as in very boring.
DeleteI think yesterday's poster takes the medal, I had to bookmark that post.
This your story makes me have migraine.
Abeg the post is humorous. Blame Buhari for ur boredom
DeleteTrying too hard to impress instead of letting it flow smh!! And you dont sound like a new creature at all oriegwu😬
Delete@anon 18.40..yr comment made me double over in laffter. Choi e funny pass the post sef..lwkmd😅
DeleteThis story sef, very hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYou went from no sex - one time sex - wedding night sex - too much sex - no sex.
Na you o.
In a nutshell.
DeleteKikiki abi d poster has experienced all d stages in sex.
DeleteKikiki abi d poster has experienced all d stages in sex.
DeleteHian..k pls
ReplyDeleteThis is boring *yawns*
DeleteLol..too much of everything is bad o
ReplyDeleteOk o. U sha enjoyed it small b4 it became wack na
ReplyDeleteWhat kinda nonsense story is this? Nawa o.What on earth did you even write?
Delete@ sassy. Go back n read the post again but make sure u eat before reading it cos hunger don block ur understanding
DeleteNEVER!!! Na wetin we women want sef? I can see if you're not careful, you will cheat on your husband if you've not started already lol
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
You had multiple orgasms?! Lucky you! I have never had an orgasm!! Married as a virgin two years ago. Hubby is a sweet tender lover ,with a sizable dick. however no matter how sweet the sex is I have never 'cum'.He uses his fingers to stimule my clit during sex n the sensation gets too intense for me I beg him to remove his hand n penetrate instead.the sensation I get is both painful and bitter sweet and out of this world intense.. Too much to bear.it feels like I would faint and my heart would stop...he has used his tongue too but no difference.just the same painful bitter sweet heart stopping sensation.i know thats not an orgasm cos i dont really enjoy it.I want to experience multiple orgasms too. I really do.
ReplyDeleteWith that bittersweet sensation you are 1minute close to having an orgasm
DeleteDon't tell him to stop next time and you should be really wet down there before he uses his fingers to stimulate your clit.
Be patient madam
Good things to come easy.
OK bye.
Mine is that I cum within 5mins n wotever he does afterwards will be boring to me. How can I hold myself longer before cuming. Abeg help a sister.
DeleteYour gist is even more interesting than the posters own. So you tell him to stop? Chai! You are missing oh. In fact if my man doesn't do the breast, clit and mouth stimulation he knows there will be nothing for him especially when he really wants it. he knows he has to Totori me till I shake in ecstasy. He starts with the cuddling and kissing then he licks my nipples and then starts sucking it once he hears one kain moaning by then my leg flings open in readiness for his fingers and he touches my clits while sucking my boobs chai!!!!!!! then when I start shaking and speaking in another language he dives his head in between my thighs and in another two minutes Na die I dey oh he will continue till I literally cry for him to stop because there is a way he holds my waist and I xant even wriggle free from his grips then the badt guy will look up and give me one kain look as in (who's your daddy kinda look)... with his joystick standing in attention then another round of screaming ensues, you know na. So next time relax and enjoy it, your body will shake well well and you will sleep through the night, don't try it in the morning oh, I only let him satisfy himself in the morning if I COME in the morning it means I can't be productive that day... shines my teeth in excitement and walks away......TGIF!!!!!
DeleteYour gist is even more interesting than the posters own. So you tell him to stop? Chai! You are missing oh. In fact if my man doesn't do the breast, clit and mouth stimulation he knows there will be nothing for him especially when he really wants it. he knows he has to Totori me till I shake in ecstasy. He starts with the cuddling and kissing then he licks my nipples and then starts sucking it once he hears one kain moaning by then my leg flings open in readiness for his fingers and he touches my clits while sucking my boobs chai!!!!!!! then when I start shaking and speaking in another language he dives his head in between my thighs and in another two minutes Na die I dey oh he will continue till I literally cry for him to stop because there is a way he holds my waist and I xant even wriggle free from his grips then the badt guy will look up and give me one kain look as in (who's your daddy kinda look)... with his joystick standing in attention then another round of screaming ensues, you know na. So next time relax and enjoy it, your body will shake well well and you will sleep through the night, don't try it in the morning oh, I only let him satisfy himself in the morning if I COME in the morning it means I can't be productive that day... shines my teeth in excitement and walks away......TGIF!!!!!
DeleteStart f***king him from top, do it for 3 months and see u have mutiple orgasms, thank me later.
DeleteSqueeze your thighs together tight, or rub his stuff inbetween your thighs, very close to your pot but don't let it in. I was like you for years but I accidentally found this out. I was on my period when hubby returned from a trip and he wants to do, we resulted to putting it inbetween and there was my discovery! One Orgasm keeps me happy for days
DeleteRide him..
DeleteYou go cum taya...
Infact the orgasm no go be for here...
You guys are making me horny. All of you. Bad children
DeleteChai baddest, hope you are taking notes from anon bae
DeleteKai! Stella jnr u're wicked!😂😂😂
DeleteWhich kind bvs Stella get oh?
Oh la la!
Delete@stella jnr abeg gimme ur Bobo abi na hubby numba make e com help me oil my car..thats how you will be making somebody horny through your explanation
DeleteIf u r a popular bv den waka to u! U have spoilt my day! My prick did not jack, my fantasy with this story was jus bleh! Later now, na una go dey fight upandan shior!😡
ReplyDeleteKelvin Dat Edo Boi ( Stellz Cousin )
Hmmmm no comments
ReplyDeleteTeying too hard...bored me signing out.
ReplyDelete#WNB, always making a mermaid sister laugh.
ReplyDeleteToo many sex starved wives roaming the planet, Pls husbands whats happening? Enlighten us, what is responsible for killing that spark for sex, seeing her in undies no longer turns u on, she becomes more like a sister to you, see finish syndrome i guess.... so how is it cured? thats some scary shit men!!! but no matter what, y'all got to try n spice up thgs in bed, cus if she cheats now, the whole world will hear of it.... always remeber that theres one hard erect penis available outside ready to devour, the pussy will be fresh to the outsider.... and he'd eat it like its his last collection on earth.
ReplyDeleteBaba you just said my mind finish
DeleteSo many many many sex starved wives. Something is wrong. As a young man I wish I could foretell my future sex life. 😥😥😥
DeleteU truly said my mind my hubby be given me different excuses and I promise not to cheat
DeleteMtchew
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteYou reakly cant pls a woman.
You call her all the time she says you are choking her, you dont call she says you dont send her.
You dont collect she says you dont find her sexy, you collect all the time she says you a nympho.
Hahaha tuscany you re funnyooo
DeleteShe says you are a nympho ke?
DeleteA nympho is a 'female' nah
Olodo!
Madam ur sex life is now wack? It has always been wack. It seems your horseband is a very weak performancer. It seems he usually take drugs before he can do it and he is now tired of talking d drugs bcos of age and the adverse effects. Bcos
ReplyDeleteMy people said that old person no dey old for dance wey he sabi dance.
U should hv married a human sex machine with an insatiable appetite like me. In fact my performance gets better with age.
James mechie onu gi bikooo
DeleteBwhahahahaha. Perfomancer Ke? Oriegwu really
DeletePerformancer?bloody illiterate!
DeleteJoe
Has ur prick become longer or is it still that 2 inches?Ewu gambia. Keep dreaming.
DeletePerformancer 👏👏👏
DeleteI think you're correct @James
DeleteThe dude was busy pleasing his bride back then and fucking her like dres no tomorrow..
He's done pleasing her now... his real sexual ability is shining tru...
Its booooooring. #yawn
ReplyDelete***POSTER,WALAHI-TALAHI (IN ABOKI VOICE), THANK UR GOD SAY U AFOLOGISED IN ADVANCE POR UR GRAMMATICAL BLUNDERS; I POR LASH U KOBO-KOBO NOW WALAHI BCS I UNDERSTOOD *NOTHINNG*.
ReplyDeleteAunty are you telling a WNB or complaining?.....this segment is not for everybody o..
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
You are such a funny soul shah no doubt...
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
This story get as e be,too much Maggi yet the soup no sweet.
ReplyDeleteAsin eh...you took the words right out of my mouth! Didn't enjoy it at all
DeleteThank you my dear! Haba!
DeleteI tell u.
DeleteRubbish didn't even read to the end.
DeleteMy Sister
DeleteNa wah! Person no well, you say make him come do. Make he faint on you?
ReplyDeleteMrs Poster, it's wedding Night Brouhaha( whad happened in ya wedding Night) n not whad happened 3yrs afta....
ReplyDeleteIt seems you are a talkative.
Kwakwakwa
DeleteLmao
DeleteLmao!
DeleteToo much of everything is bad and not having it too is bad.
ReplyDeleteEverything must be done moderately.
@tee_y
Lol
ReplyDeleteThe wife na Olosho.... you want kill the poor man? Your wahala too much walahi!!..
ReplyDeleteWhy you are not enjoying the sex is bcos you people don't used to practice foreplay for long time
ReplyDeleteSo loving this post.
ReplyDeleteungrateful woman like you poster, nice story.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this poster on about? Your style of writing makes it difficult for one to deduce what exactly you're implying. One minute the sex is giving you "muscle pull" next minute it is wack? Well whatever your sex life is like, I wish you a happy married life. God bless your home.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you on and on about? She says sex was sweet earlier on in the marriage but now it's wack. So what don't you understand? Is it because SDK said women are difficult to please?
DeleteEmmy seems like you are the only one that understands. Even Stella didn't get. the story has changed, oga no dey perform like b4 he now goes months without action
Deletei can't really understaind how I could fall outta love with commenting in here..what's wrong!!I don't even feel like reading..I hope it changes
ReplyDelete#One lie is enough to question all the truths*
ReplyDeleteWhat's 'chunk?
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to make of this story.
It is called simple English comprehension. Someone said sex was sweet earlier in the marriage but no more. So what don't you understand?
DeleteAbeg thiS Emmy keep quiet my friend. Are you the poster?
DeleteGtfoh with your boring Stupid story. You tried too hard yet nothing. Watery & boring AF
Next
ReplyDeleteGbensh gbensh gbensh every where, after now their husbands will come and post how wide open their holes are. Eziokwu bu ndu.
ReplyDeleteI'm out
My dear no be small thing
DeleteWhat a read!
ReplyDeleteNow we've got chunking?? Lmao
U dey complain of sex? Lol! Leave naa! HohooHohohohohohohohohooo!
ReplyDeleteOr cut d preek n carry for mouth everywhere you go.
I don't understand this post cha cha
ReplyDeleteIs chunk the new gbensh and collect?
Somebody biko fill me in
Everybody is forming their own words na
DeleteFake people.
BUSH
ReplyDeleteWhat are u saying biko? 😒
ReplyDeleteBoring
ReplyDeletefunny lady. Enjoy your sex jare.
ReplyDeleteYou don chook today?
Chunk, collect, gbensh, ok ooo.
ReplyDeleteGod bless your home, madam stop complaining and count your blessings.
Your terrible English almost gave me migraine.
ReplyDeleteKinda like the word chunk!!,it sounds one kind in my ears.....
ReplyDelete*faithful bv*
What is she saying sef?
ReplyDelete'Upandan' ? Do I know you here?
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell is chunk?
ReplyDeleteSo crude. I know we want to be "real" in here.
But abeg, annoying terribly local terms do not sit well really.
The feeling is same as being talked dirty to every damn time.... it wears one out really. Sadly, somebody out there is on a "Creativity high" coining another scandalous term for making love and sex.
Make love with words at least on this series, let's "help" you luxuriate in that beautiful moment you had. Do not kill the flow with pour, gbensh, collect, wire now...chunk. Jesu!
That aside, God bless your home poster. More grace, more chemistry, more love and more christ in it.
The story would have been more interesting if it had been a straightforward write-up. E be like wetin dem use shyness and strong-eye take write.
ReplyDeleteWhat's d poster saying,?
ReplyDeleteAm lost
I was trying too hard to understand this post or where the story was actually going because the writer was busy trying to make her post interesting and funny than actually posting her experience....
ReplyDeleteConcoction story
ReplyDeleteLmaooo!! Sniper ur baeee😒
DeleteDisjointed, incoherent and directionless write up.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are wicked oh! what didn't you understand in her story? Well, how do I except annoying people to understand mstchewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Madam, please next time don't force a sick man to have sex with you. You will only increase their illness afterwards.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 13:40, Just relax your mind or better still fantasize on how raw and hard you want your hubby to be taking you. You will be fine. You can also try to ride him on your own. This time around, you are in charge and can control the situation to favour you. You have to relax your mind to be able to enjoy sex. God no go push you- you hear? Your father is not there to flog you so have an open mind towards sex and you will enjoy it.
James can your English become any worse?
ReplyDeleteMadam you can add spices to your sex life.
ReplyDeleteMadam you can add spices to your sex life.
ReplyDeleteDef it will reduce as one gets old but early, dunno.
Confused mgbeke... 'One good day' u had sex to check the size and then on ur wedding night he took ill and didn't want sex but u had to make him 'smooch' a little cos it'd been 2YRS of abstinence. Very UNORGANIZED lie!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously I'm bored silly with this story. Poster was trying too hard to make it funny
ReplyDelete