Sunday In House Gists...

Hehehehehe...Imagine having a rat expose your darkest secrets?lol

The rat be like ''Aunty when you were gone,see wetin happen oh...''

GIST 4

Good day Stellalistic Stella, so straight to my gist. This whole stuff happened when I was dating my bf. I went to visit the guy man one day, on reaching his house,it was unusually clean because he is not the kind of guy that just sits down and decides to sweep, so as the house was so clean I began to wonder,i teased him saying "Shey your other babe has come to clean for you?" 

his response was no o,i just wanted the place to be neat for your arrival" mind you,this is someone that would most times make sure he gathers his dirty bedsheets and clothes before I arrive and would beg me to wash, the house would be dirty for me to clean up. Well I said OK what is my palava if he decided to clean up this time,i happy rest well. I just had my bath, prepared food,we ate and he left the house for a friend's bachelor's eve. Omo na so I sit down begin watch DSTV dey flip channel like owner of house,the next thing I saw a big rat that could not even run well pass my leg fiam,i climb chair shout Jesus like he would come help me kill the rat,lolz. 

Na so I begin look rat from on top chair wen I stand, the rat just run enter under another chair so I ran to the kitchen to get the mop stick, I started looking for this rat as all the doors were close, rat don disappear, haba, I started raising the chairs one after the other to check for where the rat could have entered, still holding the mop stick like who wan fight kungfu. I raised the chair I was formerly sitting on and lo and behold there was a big hole underneath it, chimo Sotay this rat don tear chair dey stay inside? 

I was curious because he just moved into the house and been the first tenant to occupy the new building,i was surprised to see rat because I was told that rats only inhabits old buildings.na so I look inside chair see white nylon bag inside, ah ah,sotay rat don pack dirty dey store inside here? I say OK e don red, I used the mop stick to remove the nylon and threw it on the ground, rat no come out,i check inside chair,rat no dey. 

I emptied the nylon on the ground and lo and behold babe tops(2), sponge, skirt,and toothbrush fell out,i just stood there stupefied.i say choi this bf of mine is the only one capable of doing such, because at the time his brother was living with him, I jejely sat down thinking of what to do, finally I said OK lemme return it and act like I don't know, for where I fit? Sleep gree catch me sef? No way,i went back and removed it from under the chair and placed it on top of the chair. By 3am Bobo land gbam for house,immediately I heard his horn,i just pretended to be asleep. 

The moment he entered the house,i tiptoed to the door and was trying to hear what he was doing... I heard the ruffling of the nylon and then I saw him put on the torch,raised the chair and was looking inside,then I ran back to the bed to continue my pretence. Oboi na so guy man stay parlour confuse dey look, after about 30mins he wasn't coming inside,i sha stood up n yawned loudly,went to greet him in the sitting room and was like I heard your car drive in but since you didn't come inside the room I decided to come check you up, he said oh,i said yea,welcome, let's go and sleep nau,Bobo said I'm coming,go ahead,i went in smiling. 

For my mind I say God don catch u 2day. It took him another 15mins before he came inside,i no ask question. The next thing he raised his leg on top on mine just to see my response,i just ignored and we slept off,6am gbam I took my bath and carried my bag,he just opened his eyes and asked where are you going to?i say shuu my sister is in this town,i want to go and see her,he just stood up and said this early?i say ehen nau, he said with all your bags?i said yes o,and he asked me" what's the problem? 

I say shuu rat is in your house o,to the extent it has torn your chair, he feigned ignorance and then said rat?in my house? How come?so me I jejely went to show him the hole in the chair and the new discovery of clothes, this guy still denied o,even saying he would ask his bro if he was the one that put the things there, I just said chai omo u can lie o, he got angry and started saying all sorts, calling me a liar that first there cannot be rat in his apartment as its new and also for not trusting him that he cannot do such,i just open mouth dey look am, I went to knock on his brothers room and asked him directly,the bro just couldn't answer but after a while he chose to coverup for him and said he was the one that kept them there,I say na wa,i don jam. 

To avoid kasala the bro just carried his bag and travelled that morning,me self I left his house although he didn't allow me take my bag,i just went to sit somewhere to clear my head,na so as I dey go back there,i stopped @ sizzlers and bought some snacks for him, as I give am,he no gree chop for fear of say I fit don poison am,na there guy man begin confess say eh,truly he was the one that kept it, and he is sorry blah blah blah...

 I just asked so a girl left before I came?he said yes (the girl in question has been an issue between us before then and he kept denying till the clothes brought his sins out openly) when God wants to expose a man,he can use anything including a "rat". 

My people na so o, he sha apologised and even went to report himself to my elder sister. Hope I didn't bore you all....

hehehehe.

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GIST FIVE

Hi Stella 

Abeg post this range of in house gist as everywhere dry....  Na old time joke Sha.

COSTUMER CARE PALAVAR..

CUSTOMER: na wa oh! Person go dey call una on top him money, na nonsense music una go dey carry person play, abi una think say na flash i dey flash since?

CUSTOMER SERVICE: thanks for calling customer service. my name is kingsley, how may i help you?

CUSTOMER: help who? If i tell you my problem una go fit help me?? Na una get problem yet na una go dey ask person him own problem. For the past three days now,network no dey my phone, i no fit send text, call out or even browse, shey na by force to give the whole Nnigeria free browsing? Una carry the browsing wey people pay for give people wey no pay still yet na promo una claim say dey happen, which kind level be..

CUSTOMER SERVICE: we apologize for any inconveniences sir, what’s your name and where are you calling from? 

CUSTOMER: na thunder go disvirgin all una mouth, na my name go solve the problem? Abi craze dey play draft with your head? I say i collect number from one fine girl since on Friday reach today, i never call am! And i wan carry am comot dis Saturday today na Friday already, As i dey talk so i never fit

call am, make una no fall hand θ.. Cos ah don send am N1k card.

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GIST SIX

Stella I hope my gist will be funny enough  to give my fellow bv's a good laugh.

We have  been Ttc for 11 months and recently we decided to see a specialist, we were given series of test including DH semen  test. We took the first one from home  the doctor said the result was not accurate due to time of transportation from home to the clinic. 

So we must get his semen at the hospital, Na so my face change becos I know what that means cos DH can't wank his load out except he reach promise land. 

The next day was Monday you need to see how beautifully dressed  i was, all the nurse were complimenting me,hubby was called in I stayed at the reception only for the nurse to come back to tell me my hubby needs me, shame don dey catch Na so I match go the room , DH said bae you need to help with this. We started making out at the hospital, we were doing it gently then DH said bae we can't get any result like this give me back, reluctantly I gave him back, becos I know giving him back can disgrace us, but to save time Na so I give am ,the thing start Na so I start to moan ohhhhh la baby from moan to scream to shout, we think say na house we dey until nurse come knock for door...

 we no hear until the knocking turn to banging we were lost in ecstasy, we get wetin we want inside container b4 we hear the banging @ door. We dressed up quickly to come out shame no gree us. 

We came out gave the nurse the container. Got to the reception with a straight face and met the nurses gossiping when they saw us  I could still see the giggle on their faces. 

It's over a week now we have not been able to go for our results. 

Typing this am still ashamed of myself. Sorry for the long epistles and gbagaun na shame cause am.