Omugwo Chronicles -20

Omugwo Brouhaha after birthing a baby by CS can be horrible but then...

 ''I have been reading all the omugwo stories on this blog that I felt the need to send mine. I however wish to state that the clash that often occurs between wives and mothers in law is most times not hatred but privacy invasion during omugwo. 

The wife feels she is losing grip of her home and the MIL also wishes she is in her private zone where she runs things. So, wives should learn to be receptive to make mils feel at home during omugwo.

Let me start by saying that my first child is my mil’s first grandchild at age 71yrs old while she is the eighth grandchild to my parents.  And as Yorubas, the mil is more favoured traditionally for omugwo than the wife’s mother.

My problem with my mil began when I didn’t fall into labour by 42weeks of pregnancy and she figured we were worried. She called my hubby and told him not to be disturbed as he was also a post termed baby. So we started to wait against Doctor’s advice to come for CS 10days after 40weeks. We decided to go for the CS without her knowledge because of the fear that the baby might be in danger when my pregnancy was 43weeks 4days.

It was God that saved my baby because my cervix did not open despite the age of the pregnancy and all cervical ripening efforts proved abortive. My baby’s survival was a miracle that was beyond Doctor’s explanation. She got infected due to contaminated amniotic fluid and she was admitted for 7days in the Neonatal emergency room straight from the theater. 

I was discharged on the 5^th day post op while the baby was still in the hospital. My mil arrived the day I got home and was disappointed that the baby was still in the hospital. My hubby assured her that the baby was receiving adequate care and that I needed a lot of rest after the whole long pregnancy and final CS and the sadness of not being with the baby. There was no single word of comfort from my mil because according to her, ‘her pregnancies and deliveries were hitch free’. I began to avoid her because I felt incomplete as a woman who could not have virginal birth like her and so the rift widened.

My baby was discharged but my relationship with mil had reduced to only greetings and notifying her that food was served. My hubby showed her the kitchen but she told him instantly that she was not prepared to enter another woman’s kitchen. So, serious problem started as I had to cook 3 meals daily (including AMALA as lunch) for her while I was on fluid. 

She would complain on the time I served food; it was either too early or too late for her. My hubby was quite helpful whenever he was around and would comfort me as much as possible. I was like a stranger in my own home as mil was doting over my baby while I was neglected. I spent all nights with the baby but was reduced to a breast milk supplier during the day. She was perfect in backing babies and could back my baby from 7am till 1pm while I would be longing to cuddle my baby to soothe the pain I was feeling. She would stand by me if I needed to change my baby’s diaper like I would hurt the baby.

I endured her excesses until the day she reported me to my uncle in law

that I was hostile to her. That I didn’t talk to her during the day but would talk with my hubby once he returned from work. That was the breaking point for me; I opened up to to him that I was abandoned; that I prepared amala daily for her to eat even when I could not eat solid food and I washed baby’s clothes despite having the big CS plaster below my tummy; like I was left to die so that she could care for my baby. The man felt really bad and blamed me for not reporting her early and that its consequence could have been disastrous if my wound had opened up. 

A big fight struck when my uncle in law called my mil and asked her to apologise to me and that she had wronged me. There and then, a big fight began when she changed mouth that I reported her to uncle in law, that I was a bad wife who was hostile. She basically followed me round the house to rain abuses and curses on me.

Stella, I could not keep quiet at that point. How can you report me and expect me not to defend myself? How could I be bad because I decided to keep quiet due to unappreciated pain? At that point, I told her I could take care of my baby all alone and that the God that protects the children of mad women will protect my child. And that she could go back to her home. My hubby came home to meet us making noise and he was disappointed in both of us. 

I was so sorry because I didn’t know I could stoop so low. 

He didn’t know what to do so he called my uncle in law immediately. My uncle in law called me to ask what happened and I explained to him. He apologised on her behalf saying he had asked her to come and beg me after their previous discussion and not to aggravate issues. My uncle in law told me that my mil claimed she didn’t know what CS meant and no one had done it around her; that I should have been sending her on errands if I was not strong enough to carry out domestic chores.

At the end of the day, my hubby called us together and asked me to apologise for raising my voice on her. You know the Yoruba believe that an elder can’t be wrong…. We begged ourselves and we were meant to live happily ever after.. My mil tried to show more care afterwards when my health had improved. 

She returned to her base when my baby was about 4months but we never had any quarrel. I just remained on my lane but would cling unto my baby whenever she got into my arms. I have had my second baby now through CS but thank God that I was able to manage it well but she offered more help and didn’t allow me cook till she left after 40days. I maintain a formal relationship with her till date''.

*Ah na wah,Thank God it ended well,I understand you because I know how horribly painful CS can be for some people...horribly painful.

I was doing stuff i shouldnt do during mine and my sew up broke,OMG,see pain eh,I didnt know when i gave myself a haircut ..