NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
PRIORITY ISSUES
PRIORITY ISSUES
Hello BVs and Blog Admin. Stellz of life, thank you for this platform.
I met a guy sometime in September last year.
I am 27 years old while he is 33. We became really close and in April this year, we decided to start dating. We were having the best of times until I asked the dreaded question that has made this SOS necessary. I asked when he intends to make the move towards marriage( note that we already were veering towards marriage because we both don't have time for play).
He said after 2 years. On further probing, he said because he wants to buy a car before he can think of saving towards a wedding. I became confused because I really don't think a car is such a big deal and it's not like he has difficulties getting to work and all that.
I told him I don't have 2 years to wait because I had done more in the past with nothing to show. I told him I could only wait for a year but he said that's not convenient for his plans. This made me tell him that we obviously don't share the same goals and as such, may have to go our separate ways. He replied that " I had broken his heart" and that he won't marry anyone else as I had raised his hopes only to dash it. He asked what I'd tell people if I was asked why I left him? He thinks I'm pressurizing him by this decision.
Am I being too forward ? I just want us to define everything and know what we're working with.
Please my people, i need your honest opinions - like you'd advise your sibling in this kind of situation.
Stella, your red pen is welcome please...make e de rush sef. Thank you.
IF HE CANNOT DEFINE WHAT HE HAS FOR YOU THEN THERE IS NO NEED TO EVEN BE WITH HIM..SOME MEN WANNA EAT THEIR CAKE AND HAVE IT...WTF..
..........................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
SO CONFUSED...
SO CONFUSED...
Hi Madam Stella, Please i need your advise and that of BVS on this matter.
I met this handsome guy last year December and till date the guy still professes love to me and wants to marry me, I really did not like him at first but now I do love him dearly, he is a good and God fearing man but i'm not really comfortable with some things about him.
First the guy's parents are divorced and leave in separate countries, I don't know if that will be a problem to our marriage; secondly, i am graduate but he is a business man and not a degree holder but promised to go back to school next year and thirdly, he has a son who is now 6years old with his ex but vowed never to get married if his ex is the only woman left in this world, that he doesn't love her but unfortunately for him, he had to accept his responsibilities and truly I can confirm that.
Please I want to know if its advisable for me to go on with the marriage plans, I don't want to have baby mama problems and what will be the position of my first son or my own children if we eventually marry? Please I need sincere advice on how to go about all of these. Thank you so much.
NA WAH...thread carefully before you will see baby number two from baby mama and he will say she forced him...
Endtime chronicles
ReplyDeleteP1
DeleteYes you are putting him under undue pressure. How will you say car isnt a necessity? In this day and age car isnt a luxury but necessity. You are saying all these cos u just want to be married. If theres no money in marriage, then you will come and write chronicle as to how you are suffering bla bla bla then temptation will follow and then you might succumb. You wont even know when you will start being rude and cranky cos of lack.
Me b4 i marry, i have to be able to provide a certain level of comfort for my family cos love is sweet and marriage is sweet too but money is the lubcricant that makes it on point. So dont rush him, let him be financially ok and can afford it else he will hate u for it.
P2.
Loving and collecting are 2 different things. For a guy collecting is more physical. All the things you mentioned arnt a big problem as long as he is serious. People from broken homes do not necessarily end up with broken homes. Most times it makes them better because they dont want their kids passing through what they did.
The son is his child and first child for that matter and no one can change it. If u choose to go ahead, make sure he writes a will that ensures you and ur kids are secure.
2face go sch? Yet his the hottest. Just ensure hes able to go back and finish
men and their wahala!if only dem go just let us be single in peace..was with ma ex for 8yrs all his mate were getting married,instead of him to think of marriage he decides to follow one girl i snooped confronted him he said he had rights to female friends...e gbami oh i no even think my age oh i pack my bags n left..he n the chic were feeling funky...few months later he left the chic n found another..chic felt pained n started tagging him on fb i was watching drama,now he is soft talking to me...but my mind is made up i will rather be a 16th wife to a responsible man than have a broke man i knew from scratch cheat on me n rub it in my face
DeleteOh please! Wats car to a marriage? Is car a necessity in marriage? Such a stupid excuse....and Tuscany believes d lies d idiot is telling?
DeleteP1, biko..... Leave dat idiot alone..he's not ready to settle down with you. Move on!
Tuscany, ur head is very correct!
DeletePoster 1... I dont know why in this world WOMEN are now DESPERADOS.
ReplyDeletePoster 2..... Look well before you leap so that you dont fall yakata on the ground
She's desperate? So what happens if the guy doesn't marry her in 2 years time?
DeletePoster 1, why not give him time, date him while searching. Who knows he might be ready in less than 2 years. He said what's keeping him is a car, pray for him, he might be able to make enough for a car in less than a year. How sure are you that you'd be married in less than 2years if you leave him? I think you should stay with him and still be on the lookout. BTW a car is a necessity, I agree with Tuscany on this one. When i see women carrying their babies on a bike or in a bus, I get really worried for them. It isn't funny at all. Even if na tuke tuke, e better.
DeleteNsjsjsnnsn
DeletePoster 1,Forget the guy. He is just after your Toto. He wants a Toto he can gbensh skin to skin every time he wants in the name of boyfriend and girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk
DeleteTrue talk
DeleteOde James, must you be vulgar all the damn time?
DeletePoster,you are not too forward...in two years time,you will be 29...
ReplyDeleteBabe,you are not getting any younger...I will advise you keep him by the side,don't break up with him but give other guys chance...
Don't put all your eggs in one basket!...
Poster 2,
The decision lies in you...I can never marry someone that has those bagages you mentioned!...
Children from divorced homes don't keep marriages too!...
Hmmmm...if I were you,I won't marry him!...
LIE
DeleteNice advice for P1. P1 play along with the guy but give room for other guys, you never can tell
DeleteI love your advise to poster one. Babe should just apply sense.
DeleteSo true..
DeleteWat even makes u think dat he will marry you in two years tym? Rather he will even tell u dat u r too old for him....dat he needs a younger girl or sth related...mtcheww
DeleteN1, God is ur strength. Men can be so deceiving. A guy that pressured u to be with him tht he wants a wife sharperly, will now stale after u accept. They only use tht marriage talk to get under ur pant.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha, crossing leg like Linda Eze.
ReplyDelete@1, desperation will kill u faster than Ebola if u don't take ur time, d guy said he will be ready in 2 yrs, y are u pressurizing him, if u cant wait just vanish from his life, go look for a man dat will marry u next week.
ReplyDelete@2, what has his parents divorce got to do with you, better mind ur bizness u hear,just make sure he buys properties in ur children's name, and for d love of God, accept that child and treat him well cos u sound like a wicked girl.
DemonRay0sdk, must you curse someone and use abusive words all the time?
DeleteWalahi u r a BIG FOOL, what has desperation got to do with P1, so she shouldn't know her stand? Na ur type them dey keep fuck for years without having any plans 4 u. That's y u r a gwegz
DeletePoster 2, the man must be a poor man. That's why you are having doubts.
ReplyDeleteNo be for this blog one man, a three times divorced father of three say he dey find wife and more than one hundred women applied within 24 hrs?
Both of you should move on
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to move on, if it is, you probably weren't in love💏
DeletePealie is this ur sweater from Mango?
DeleteMango?? Sorry I don't shop on the high street. I pretty much only buy expensive, high end clothing. 😀😀😀😀
DeleteHaha! Good for you 🙄😏 But that's a mango sweater honey. 😊
DeletePoster one, your boo doesn't need car to marry you...if he's stalling, he's not interested...I see married couples who still don't have a car...what happens if after the marriage y'all are blessed with a car...personally I want a man I can build with from the scratch
ReplyDeletePoster 2 I can relate with your story because am somehow in same situation just like you just that bf parents aren't separated. He is got a son with his baby mama, but he claimed he is still in a very good terms with her because of their baby but of recent I start thinking I guess there is something going on btw them because he is like so crazy about me before that even if we are having mis-understanding he calls first and starts apologizing but of recent he starts acting strange and whenever I complains he says I nag too much or every little thing and mind you bvs I can't asked my bf about his baby mama why did he say he isn't going to marry her because he will pick offense. Am just so feed up of everything don't know if really am on the right track or am not been patient with this guy because I know he truly loves me but of recent he takes excuse of not wanting to spend time with me without a concreat reasons.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you better leave that guy,you can't handle baby mama's issues.
DeleteHe dsnt want you talking about his Baby mama. He picks offense when you talk about her. Meaning, there's still something going on between them but you won't know. Stay away from that man.
DeleteAnd my dear I forgot to add, the Baby mama isn't really his Baby mama. That's his wife there. Once again, forget that guy.
DeletePoster 1: if his goals dont tally with urs then move on . Its not a matter of putn preasure on him .. its a matter of what u want n what he wants . Poster 2: its already an issue that he dosnt have a degree so if he ends up not getn it how ll u feel ?? If baby mama n child r always coming around how ll u feel?? Its a question of if u can deal or not
ReplyDeletePoster1, men like dt r deceitful, is car the criteria for getting married? What if he doesn't get a car by next two years, he should do ur introduction dis year atleast you will be sure he has committed you. If he can't do dt let him go personally I don't believe in dis love bulshit.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction is not commitment o. Anything can happen. Some guys do introduction just to f**k a babe
DeletePoster 1- e get as e be
ReplyDeletePoster2-Baggages plenty o
First his parents are divorced ,that one is not even his fault but secondly he has a son outside,now that's his fault
Baby mama wahala no be small my sister....especially when the baby mama never marry ....she fit born another one
May God help u
@22yrs you single ladies should date for a right n meaningful reason to avoid running from pillar to post.
DeleteMeta onye di'nma enyi maka onunu....u ladies should stop all this hit n run relationship.
From 25 the pressure starts getting real.....poster1:don't force him into marrying you,if you can't wait den move on n how are u sure the relationship is going to last for two yrs sef
Don't pressurize d young man
@poster2: only u know what u are getting into.
Nobody is going to make decision for u.....make ur decision n stick to it
So what's wrong with his parents being divorced? What has that got to do with anything? Done of u are so freaking backwards...it ain't even funny
DeletePoster 1,wait two hole years???? What if after waiting he begins to tell you stories? And at 33,he doesn't have a car? Use your tongue to count your teeth o.
DeletePoster 2,abeg the man has too many baggage. I wouldn't go into it if I were you.
Portable 22 is too young. 25 is okay. At 22 a girls should be going on dates and having dinner. Not thinking of marriage.
DeletePoster one
ReplyDeleteIf you can't wait 2years, then leave. It's that simple. People have list of things they wanna achieve before marriage and he's made his known. The only problem here is you can't wait that long. If you decide to leave, how long is it gon take you to start another relationship, talk more of getting to the 'marriage' part. Be wise!
Poster two
You know your man better, think deep and make up your mind.
Poster 1 can be lucky to leave the guy and meet someone who will take her to the alter within a year.. Not everyone dates people for so long..
DeleteI dated and got married to my husband within a year. Some are lucky to even do so within months so don't give her that whole crap of how she will stick with some one who doesn't have a plan..
After 2yrs of waiting and he doesn't marry her then what?? She starts all over again??
Poster 1. Don't follow this advice. I was once in ur shoes. I loved d dude, but dude wasn't ready to settle. He wants to start his residency prog, buy a car, buy land etc. I had to walk away cos we wanted different things. He wasn't ready to settle till after two years. It doesn't make you desperate free him I had a guy on my case then, but I didn't give him green light vos of dude. After I left dude..I started dating this new guy. He's so wonderful and loves me silly. I lobe him too. We will be getting married by Dec this year. That would be after 15 months of dating/ courtship. If I was waiting for the other dude. MAYBE...he will be ready to settle in 2018. If you can't wait...walk away.
DeletePoster 1: Ignore that slow poison abeg. This type will buy build house for village people while his kids are being thrown out for school-fees. He will not marry......kikikikiki. liar of life.
ReplyDeleteYou were not being too forward jare. Do not tolerate a guy who makes you feel desperate. Pressurizing his ass....as if he would like some brother do same to his sister.
Abeg if he is trying to test you, ignore him. He is not ready to marry yet. Dump him, let better guy find you. Oloshi time-waster.
Next time, hook a guy who you do not have to wait to define the relationship. Cultivate a relationship where you are in the position to do the definition.
Poster 2: You are concerned about baby-mama, position of your future kids, his parents marital status. WAIT FOR THE MR WITH LESS DRAMA.
Dont get married out of pressure or bcos u think u are old. U want to marry in next one year and how sure are you that you will marry in next one year? If you are so sure, then WALK. Wonder why women cause their problem. U will be their wanting to marry in one year and 5 years will pass without you getting married and the guy will buy his car and marry
DeletePoster one, people will come here now and call you desperate, but I really understand where you are coming from, if personally you don't have 2 years to waste, just waka,because he will try to talk you into waiting for him to accomplish his goals, imagine buying a care first. At 33 she should be looking for a woman to take to the altar, his mates have twins already.
ReplyDeletePoster 2.
Be careful, I don't like this baby mama drama, if you can't deal, please call it a quit now, no sentiments. Plus you already don't like business man, so don't be desperate now and regret your decision later.
People are saying two years to wait as if there is where she kept a husband to marry her immediately. If two years is too much to wait. Let her go and marry the one she has instantly. Not like they have been together for long. Desperados
DeletePoster2 na you wan marry you know what is best for you, stop asking stupid question.
ReplyDeletePoster 1,do not fear commitment but fear wasting your time...
ReplyDeletePoster one. Nope, you are not too foreard. You are asking the right question that any lucid mind should ask at a point in time.
ReplyDeleteStart looking elsewhere, that guy is going to waste more of your time.
Poster 2, I don't trust baby mama drama and story. She will be a constant figure in ur life ans I will only advice you to go on if the babymama is also married or about to. Abt his education qualification, he is willing to return to school so that's not a problem at all, infact u are lucky on that count as not all illiterate biz men likes going back to school.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, someone that loves the idea of a car more than he loves you....isn't for you.
1. He needs to save for the car (may take some yrs)
2. Then he will save towards marriage (may take another few years oo)
Sorry but ur bf isn't ready to settle down in the near future so will advice you to keep urself open for alternatives
So illetracy in Nigeria is when oe doesn't have a degree? Smh
DeleteBia stella at times your brain will be on strike. If u are driving as u said in IHN please park well on the road before commenting because its like u were on steering as u gave poster one an advice. You failed to understand the poster one. The guy already defined that he will marry the girl in two years. What other definition do you want? The lady is so desperate. If she thinks she doesn't have time. Let her break up and find a guy who will marry her in next one year. She thinks to find a husband is easy and we have many aunty gwegwez in this blog. Two years isn't much sef but desperation is pushing her. This is why many women loose their husbands. Poster one may your cerebral cortex be cleansed
ReplyDeleteu started dating in April...and u want to get married already..Nigerian women and marriage..smfh
DeleteSo of after waiting for 2yrs for him to buy car and he doesn't marry her nko?? She will now start again??
DeleteShe isn't desperate. She knows what she wants. And knows the time she has. She is also working with her plan like he is working with his plan for buying a car
poster1 i like u cause u know what u want and u are asking the right questions now,its better he feels pressured than for u to stay 2yrs and loose at the end with the same story that he is not ready.please start having other options abeg,or better still dump his confused self for now.
ReplyDeleteposter 2,u don already fall yakata,nothing we will say would convince u,with the way u are already covering up for him in ur writeup shows u aint going anywhere.so no advice
Hian!!!!!
ReplyDeletebabe poster one if he cannot define the relationship please walk away, but if you know that you are not ready to settle down in the next one year you can stay with him.
ReplyDeletedon't you look back when you want to finally dump him, he want to come and waste your time, who knows if he has one girl somewhere he is planning marriage with? but want to waste your time. stop taking his calls or giving him attention, the guy don't love you. He is only after you cookie jar, make sure you do not give him even head.
He has defined the relationship already .......he said atleast in two yrs time
DeleteHahahaahahhahaha Stella this your response to Poster 2 sef
ReplyDeletePoster 1- Nothing wrong in asking the way forward. You guys are no longer kids.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 - I beg you in whatever you hold most reverend, leave that guy and look for a single guy with no baggage. I am in one right now, i do not know my fate in my so called marriage. Constant interference from baby mama and my husband who made me understand that there won't be issue now looks like baby mama's and child's decision stays. I am so full of regrets right now. PLEASE RUN.
Poster2: the babymama attitude matters alot, try picking her brain if possible, go thru sum1.
ReplyDelete#PetyrBaelish: Gold wins war, not soldiers.
NerdStark: Then how come Robert is king and not Tywin lannister?
#Tyrion Lannister - I'm here to help. Don't eat the help...
DeleteI love you guys.
DeleteThat poster 1 Is time waster be smart
ReplyDeletePoster 2 the only issue I see here is the baby/babymama. His parents been divorce, or him not a graduate is not a problem. If you are sure that he really loves you, and have nothing (sexual) with his babymama, then you don't have issue @ all.
ReplyDeleteposter two use your brain biko, i hope you are not loving him dearly cos he is handsome? if you are comfort with the baby mama and you are sure she is not interested on the guy, you can go ahead to marry him.
ReplyDeleteam not a party to he has a baby and he still sees his baby mama, goodluck.
Poster 1-u'r not wrong in wanting to define ur relationship from d begining. Wats d guarantee dat even if u decide to wait for 2yrs,he'll be ready to settle down with u. My dear I'll advice u not lay all ur eggs in one basket. Have a backup plan incase he doesn't come thru after his 2yrs excuse. U might evn find someone ready and willing to settle down with u b4 his time elapses.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- my dear take stella's advice and be watchful b4 baby no2 will be loading from baby mama...
What's the guarantee that if she leaves him that she will find a man who will marry her in one year? A bird at hand....
DeleteOk family, here is how to vote for your Cornel...
ReplyDeleteSMS
Text the number 18 to 33120.Each text costs N50 and one can vote up to 100times!!!
Or
WeChat
1)Download the WeChat app
2) Sign in and put in ur details eg phone no, etc it will send you a code as text which u will need for full registration.
3)Search for 'Africa Magic' and follow them.
4)then click on 'Vote' and follow the instructions. You'll be asked to enter another code that is sent as text.
5)Then vote for ur favourite (Cornel 😉) Make sure to use all the 100 possible votes as well.
*Data charges apply
Feel free to ask if u get stuck at some point with the app...😘
God bless y'all
#Godovereverything
#thevoicenigeria
#teamtimi
#teamcornel
#thevoicecornel
#iknowthisguy
...remember that you can also come around to St. Dominic to watch your favorite Contestant every Sunday by 7:00pm
....free popcorn and drink available!!
Poster two. I don't know what to tell you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 please forgerrabout marriage with that guy. You can friend zone him for now. He doesn't seem to have his priorities in tact. As much as I understand the fact that he would not want his wife to trek and all, he should at least come and give wine on your head nau. Also, what 'mighty' car is he planning to buy? He should divide the car money into two and even use half as savings to speed up the process. Did I hear you say people? What you will tell people? Tell them exactly what he said- you should wait for two years because he wants to buy a CAR! CAR oh!! Not even that he wants to invest in business so you guys can be more comfortable. CAR!! A depreciating asset. A CAR!! Eww...
ReplyDelete👏👏👏☝
DeletePoster 2:
ReplyDeleteIf you are this little 6 year old child, what will you want your position to be even if there are a dozen other kids from this man? Aren't you being too selfish and futuristic? Please do not deny this child his place in his father's house if you decide to marry his father; he is his first child and nothing can change that just like your vagina cannot become a penis!
Poster one: This is the mistake a lot of men make; a car is more important to him than marriage. If you lady has been giving him vagina; then there is no reason whatsoever for him to hurry and marry you; he is home!
The guy needs a car. What's so difficult with that? Must he marry when he is not ready? He is a nice guy to have been sincere. Some will tell you next month and gbenshed out your spirit and still dump your ass.
DeletePoster 2 u sounded stupid wen u said wat will b d position of ur son. Leave dis man alone if u don't love nd accept him. Ur looking for position based on wat u nd ur children will get incase he dies? Wrong move without starting. Leave him alone for sm1 who will love nd cherish him. Ode!!! After all u r nt blind!
ReplyDeletePoster 2 u sounded stupid wen u said wat will b d position of ur son. Leave dis man alone if u don't love nd accept him. Ur looking for position based on wat u nd ur children will get incase he dies? Wrong move without starting. Leave him alone for sm1 who will love nd cherish him. Ode!!! After all u r nt blind!
ReplyDeleteHad to go back to read that bit...Poster 2 is wicked and a bush girl...Backward bunch
Delete@ Poster1, In Every Relationship I Find Myself, I always try to define it from the beginning, And for the few I have been involve I have not been the cause of any breakup because I always keep to the end of my bargain, Asking a guy when is ready to ask for your hand in marriage Is one of the twenty one mistake Ladies make, allow him to makeup is mind first...
ReplyDelete@ Poster two. Husband scare ooo, so marry the one wey you see
Poster 2 - his parents divorce isn't an issue biko!! ❌❌
ReplyDeleteNot educated? Me I can't oh! But that's me sha. BSc is very easy to get, if you have discipline. There's open uni and all. He's probably just saying he will go back too woo you. So if he doesn't go back, can u be with a man who's not a graduate for the rest of ur life? As in worst case scenario. If yes, then we check that. ✔
As for the baby mama, hmm.... Me I won't mind giving her a call to hear her side of the story. If I have to marry a man with a child and the mother of his child is alive, then he must let me meet her or at least try to. Let me know I did my best to clarify things for myself.
The final decision lies with you. So good luck
Children from broken homes normally end up with broken homes hence d fear of marrying one from a broken home. It's like a curse.
DeleteAs a guy I won't dare marry a girl whose parents are divorced, she won't value marriage.
DeleteBoth of you are jonzers! And I know people who grew up with both parents Nd couldn't stay married for 3 months. How's that? Kai! Nigerians. Tufiakwa! U ppl have wahala.
DeleteLet me tell u a small story, one of My sis married a guy from a broken home. (His dad was a huge cheat and still womanizes. His mum couldn't stand it. She left with her kids after punching bag thinz on her face). Got her children to serve God all their lives. Trained them in good schools abroad (they were born abroad). She never remarried. And they're all born again and happily married. Infact, one of her son in laws is an evangelist in the UK. He works for a very big oil coy too. Earning thousands of pounds a month. Her other daughter is married to a doctor in the US. My bro inlaw is a geologist with one of the biggest oil companies in naija earning AT LEAST 2m a month (he's paid in dollars cos of his foreign citizenship and degrees). My sis is envied from naija to US. Flying first class upandan. And has her husband loyal to a fault. 😂😂 Make una dey there dey shout broken home dey judge. When u no know the story. The single mum has been sorted by God with people who don't judge her for walking away.
If one parent is useless should the other die there? That's why some of us end up dating yeye in the name of relationship, and be sending irrelevant chronicles because we put unnecessary conditions wey even God himself no put on top person head. Tufia!.
Poster, I repeat broken home isn't a yardstick. Learn to judge the individual not his parents. Parents make mistakes and good children learn from it. Not a yardstick at all. Worry more about HIS own lifestyle. This may not be your man, but don't use 'broken home' and miss your blessing. All this naija mentality hasn't put food on our table biko.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteP1, You started dating a guy April this year and you are already pressurising him for marriage. Don't just jump into marriage because of societal pressure or because you think you are old enough for it. Take your time and look before you leap to avoid second chronicles.
ReplyDeleteP2, What are you afraid of?Is it the fact that he has a child outside marriage or the fact that your child will never be his first?Please if you are not ready to accomodate his love child, let the man be.
good luck with the comments you get here
ReplyDeletePoster 1. Come on you are just 27 and he's 33 ; the age advantage favours you. Kindly dump his sorry ass and move on.........
ReplyDeleteGetting a car shouldnt be his topmost piority...tho i dnt know how much he spends on t.fare daily...just end everything...all the best...
ReplyDelete#1- I don't know whether to tell you to date other men or to leave him.
ReplyDelete#2 - Tell him to enrol and start before marriage and pray.
You guys should do the right thing.
Poster 1- A 33 year old man who doesnt have firm plans for marriage until hes 35 is a time wasting guy. Women don't have that kind of luxury especially for childbearing. As a women gets older, complications for childbearing begin to set in. Meanwhile a man at 35 can still marry a 23/25 year old girl. Please sit him down or take a walk. Hes not a serious person.
ReplyDeletePoster2- There are so many baggages surrounding this man that could spell real time unhapiness for you later on in marriage. First-his parents are separated. Even though this doesnt stop you from having a loving relationship with him, if his mum is a single parent that may become a problem especially if his mother is the domineering type. Men who are raised by single mums tend not to always have that balance that a father would give to the home.As a result, the mum becomes a salient force for the wife (and sometimes the husband-if it was the woman raised by a single parent) to contend with as his (or her) mum will expect to continue to have her way with dictating what goes on in the life of her children even after they are married.Except he is a firm man who can put his foot down, you are going to have some contention with his mum-simply because she raised him alone. He doesn't have a degree?. This doesn't mean a thing if he is well able to provide financially. The bottom line is putting food on the table. If he doesn't have inferiority complex about his academic status compared to yours, I don't see how this can be a problem. However the third issue-the baby mama issue is the strongest of them all. No matter what you give birth to, his first child will always be the first child. 20 years to come, that will be his first child!Yours will come behind in line. And the baby mama will ALWAYS be present in your life whether you like it or not. She will always be a shadow in your marriage forever..her family will also always be in your life. And she can make your life a living hell if she is so inclined. So this man has got real baggage. Raised by a single mum, having a baby mama, it will take a girl who has got guts and real true love to weather the storm ahead with him. And its going to be a loooong storm. One issue will arise after another. Are you ready?Can your love stand the test of time? The choice is yours. Good luck. Except you really truly love him, I would prefer such a man to be left for a woman who is already a baby mama herself. You can always find a clean man who doesn't have so much baggage. Marriage is not a walk in the park,my dear.
Thank u very much for such a meaningful comment.
DeleteYour advice is good. But I don't think the single parent advice is a constant. There are exceptions. As I've seen in my house (see earlier comment)
DeleteDo not be pressured in issues regarding to marriage. 2 years i think is enough to know someone well enough for marriage, give yourselves time to know each other better.
ReplyDeleteGet Discounts and Complementary Gifts when you order a mobile device
Poster 1- ur qstns arnt wrong because setting a goal wit tym frame puts on check,no d prob is 1 the guy might as well carry u along,lyk lyin to u abt his marriage proposal 'et al,he might tel u h'l b ready in a year tym and will end up failing or succeeding.. My advice to u is dat while u makin ur plans/goal known to anyman rmber nat to put ur eggs in one basket,don't forget to be a mermaid and to pray fervently so. U don't be deceived by some sons of delilah.
ReplyDeletePoster2: be vry kiaful,having a babymama can be stressfull xpcly if d child is in d man's custody and d babymama single. Pray b4 u leap.
Ladies here! I will advice you to read the novel title" Why Men Marry Bitches" that will help u more in dealing with men wisely, u don't ask a man to define a relationship it show u are very desperate, u deal with them with less concern, as if u are not interested while u have ur plans in place he will turn to pursue u and u turn back and catch him. Mehn babes dey fall hands I swear, go get that book and read. U will thank me later.
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
DeleteI have the two - why men love bitches and why men marry bitches.
can conveniently say I'm a bitch 😂😂 Jesu! Even my female friends dey tire for me. But my bf knows he can't try me on some things. As in... 'is this really hoe u want to die?' Would be the look on my face.
*How
DeleteBeing educated used to be a major criteria for my dream man until I met this dude, he is educated, he has got his first degree and he is almost done with masters but this guy can not coin a good sentence to save his life. It is about everything, his verb-noun agreement? his spellings? his speech? Omigosh, I just could not deal. I will rather be single than be with someone I am not proud of. Anyway, I told him why I could not be with him and he said he was being careless and his education/ academic level was OK. Even in his explanations, he was mistaking homophones and his syntax was just... abeg I kuku run for dear life. I can not come and go and kill myself on top societal pressure to marry.
ReplyDeleteEwww... My anonymous will not work this time as my friends on this blog will decode. Anyway amaa still post post
He bought his certificate my darling. You know there were days when people used to buy cert in naija. He's probably that breed
Delete@poster 2...handsome guys be feeling like they can get any girl they want ant any time cos of their good looks,that is why it isn't a big deal to them when the lady ends the relationship. That said, I think u should keep the rel but find someone else. Date both of them but be smart about it. Reason being that the guy may have set some goals for himself to achieve before marriage but as u two work together,he'll see that some things ain't really priorities before marriage. Poster, if u really love the guy,both of u should work out ur dreams together so that u can achieve whatever it is within the shortest possible time but have a side boo too... *winks*
ReplyDeletePoster 1... dey there dey wait until he marries another girl in your presence before you realize he has no plans for you
ReplyDeletePoster 2...baggage no be small but it depends on his mind as to make una work. Divorce is deeper than the physical separation & can hurt kids for life especially if it is a bitter divorce. It's a gamble you have to keep at the back of your mind and pray against. The baby mama drama must shele...just prepare for it
Will be right back
ReplyDeleteWill be right back to say something please
ReplyDelete#1: My darling, you wrote "note that we already were veering towards marriage because we both don't have time to play", therein lies the problem. Did he tell you categorically that he wants to get married as soon as possible or did you assume your relationship is Altar bound because you feel YOU are running out of time?
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is, as a lady, if you have to be the one to bring up the marriage talk, you're probably in the wrong relationship. Trust me, a guy who is really into you and wants you for a wife needs no reminder. I know some guys are painfully shy and awkward about such things, but they will jump at the 1st hint you give about marriage. They certainly wouldn't start conjuring up excuses.
Sweetheart, not only did you ask, you went further to probe? Were you expecting him to say "never" and stop "enjoying" the "benefits" of dating you? Of course he will keep giving excuses just to stall because he knows you're not whom he wants to spend forever with. Breakup with him today and you'll be amazed to hear he is getting married to someone else by December.
Most guys are not straight forward enough to tell you to your face what they really think about you. It appears he wants you to be the one to end the relationship so it wouldn't have to come from him. Don't be fooled, darling, his actions are incongruous with his words. The relationship isn't even a year old so what's so scandalous about ending it? People date for over 5 years and things don't work out. How many were nailed to a cross for ending a long term relationship? Why should he care what explanation you'll give to people who would ask? Oh! So all of a sudden the relationship is that important to him? He's just being manipulative.
As for if you are/were being too forward? In my opinion, yeah honey, you were and still are. So you are single at 27, does that reduce your life span or make you less of a lady? With all the crappy stories about people who rushed into marriage only to start regretting 2 months later, can't you see it's not how soon but how well you marry that's of utmost importance? So does it mean God is no longer on His Throne if you aren't married by 30? Sweetie, you REALLY have to simmer down and don't appear thirsty even if you are. Allow a guy woo you and WIN your hand in marriage. Yes! It ought to be a competition with other guys if you play your cards right. Your husband should feel proud that you chose him above the others and not just that he married you because he felt that was the logical thing to do. No, a man must feel and show his excitement about getting married to you, same way you will be being his wife.
Letting him go may be one of the best decisions you will ever make. Calm down, sweetie, let love find you. Don't go chasing it, 'cos you may just chase it away and allow guys take advantage of your eagerness to get hitched. I wish you all the best.
#e-bearhugs.
Poster one, Auntie, abeg free that guy. That was how my ex was shouting marriage back then just for him to say he wants to go back to school. As badoo wey I be, I moved on immediately without him knowing it. Just a month after I left him, I sent him my invitation card and the mumu started forming, you are the only one I love, Please give me another chance, I wanted to propose after my friend's wedding Yimu!!
ReplyDeleteJames na my name I moved on with ease. Men can act drama gosh!! He will keep wasting your time and when he is now ready, he will tell you how his family doesn't want a girl from so so tribe, or his pastor said you are not his wife. Please dump him and move real fast unto the next serious guy. Who loyal girlfriend epp?
Gbam!!
DeletePoster 1 we are in the same situation, mine says 2020, am 27years too have opened myself for alternatives o. No time for time wasters
ReplyDeletePoster 2: if you love him go for it. Accept the child like hes urs and trust me you wont have a problem. The divorced parents has nothing to do with you. Im married to a man who has a son and i call him my son too.Myself and him are so close that he tells me things he doesnt tell his dad & he's a teen,he loves his siblings too.My home is beautiful no baby mama drama over the years
ReplyDeletePoster one is ur bf Dr odia in benin?
ReplyDeleteBV 1. The man has clearly defined what he wants and the timeline in which he hopes to accomplish it. He wants to marry you in 2 years. If you don't think it's worth waiting for then waka but let me tell you any man that you're having marriage talks with after barely 3 months of dating will really look at you one kain, as they should. It's mostly runs girls that bum rush men into marriage before their gist catches up with them you know.
ReplyDeleteBV 2.
His parents being divorced and living apart is not a big deal. He won't be more prone to divorce according to research.
The baby mama.... hmm na wa o
Poster One: I hate to tell you this, but my dear, you are wasting your time with him. Watch it, when he eventually buys the car,he will tell you he needs more time to buy a very big plasma TV after which he will tell you he wants to change the furniture in his house befitting a married man. Not only that, he will tell you he wants to buy a washing machine so as not to stress you. Should i go on with my endless lists? The guy is using you to while away time o.
ReplyDeleteI would just advice you to move on. Most guys are not worth the wait believe me. I have done mumu love before o my sister for many years only for the clown to call off the relationship with a very flimsy excuse after wasting my time for several years.
If its possible poster, i would advice you print out this my advice and read it out to him.
Poster 2...My husband's parents have been married for over 30 years...my husband is a rich lawyer but he should have been a panel beater...he is also a classic womanizer. If you see him in Church on Sunday, you will bow. The school he went to did not pass through his head. I am working on leaving him, I am preparing evidence to run and take my children. I wish I married my uneducated suitor then who was a good man. I hooked him up to my friend and till today she gives me gifts because she met a treasure through me. What am I saying to you? If the man is good, go with him. Only issue is the baby mama...did he say he "unfortunately" had to take responsibility? Did he unfortunately fuck her? If he is a man of principle then he is ok. Many men walking around have children, both alive and aborted.
ReplyDeleteI think you should allow him to marry a woman who is open minded. My husband will soon be single, I can give you his number.
Please poster 1 don't wait for that guy. Don't put all your hope on him and again stop having sex with him. Men are terrible there is no guarantee that he will marry you in 2yrs time so give someone else a chance but let him just be there.
ReplyDelete