I just had to add my two cents to this one abeg!
''Hello Stella, this is my experience.
I'm from the East and hubby is from the Southwest.
I had my first baby through CS, so I stayed in the hospital for some days. Mother in law couldn't come quickly because she lives in another state and I delivered earlier than my EDD, so she had to prepare, hubby took care of my feeding and stayed the night in the hospital rocking the baby.
The following day, one of hubby's cousin came to stay with us, she was a young girl of about 16, let me call her Bukky. Her mum sent her to help out since she was in Lagos(thank God for that move). My own mum was in the far East and she was not good in bathing new borns and only one mama has to be there so she stayed back till after 3months. Besides, the house was full already and we spent a lot in the hospital due to complications.
Stella, my MIL finally came after two days bringing a lot of stuff with her especially food items, the baby was still being bathed in the hospital by nurses.
My own mum was in the far East and she was not good in bathing new borns (had only me and I was bathed by grandma)
Then I was discharged.
Mother in law would bathe and massage the baby, dress him up and hand him over to me to breast feed and then she (MIL) will eat, watch TV and sleep. I did CS so no need for hot bath and the likes, so I only took light food like pap, custard and beverages. Bukky would cook, wash, clean, go to market and even rock the baby to sleep, if not for Bukky, I would have sent for my mum too.
My hubby used to go to the market too during weekends. MIL did not wash a single cloth for me or my baby, she was even piling up her own clothes, she did not wash them. Sometimes she would grumble about not having the strength to wash HER OWN clothes, I would just ignore, she was just 50+ then.
Bukky left after 40days and I started cleaning, washing and cooking. God!
This woman did not wash her clothes for over a month, it was one of my SIL that came visiting and helped her to wash her clothes. She would leave me at home alone with the baby and go attend parties in another part of the state and even stay for days.
In all of these, hubby was very supportive, helping me out and telling me to be patient, she will soon leave. After 3 months she left and my mum came. She did every other thing for me but I was the one doing the cooking.
I did not have any misunderstanding with my mother in law, I endured her shortcomings because I knew it would last for just a short period. She is good in taking care of new borns, she makes special creams and soaps with local ingredients to make the baby skin to shine and look very smooth. She also made different herbs for my baby to prevent teething problems. So she has her GOOD SIDES.
Today we are still friends.
*I am sorry to add this but i wonder why you people expect an old woman to come and do Omugwo and start doing house chores as well.
The woman revolted and kuku started attending parties.
When you expect nothing,you will not be disappointed.
It is good that your hubby supported you,that is his job.
I never had Omugwo sef...After my first baby,i couldnt wait for my mum in law to help me carry the baby so i could sleep.She came over,carried the baby for five minutes,kissed him,kissed me and left with a promise to return with she is less busy...
My mouth fell open!
LOL
mWe are learning
ReplyDeleteSdk your case just cracked me up.who send u marry onyeocha. Hehehehehehe
DeleteStella, if my mum or MIL is not coming to work they should sit put in their houses.
DeleteIf my mum/MIL is too old to do chores I won't even bother them. I will just look for a younger person to come and do my chores.
Omugwo is not to come and sit,eat and watch TV.
My MIL stayed for a week during which she wanted to cause kasala, me I already know her so I advised my mum to let her have her way. Mil however bathed the baby all through and insisted we give the newborn some drugs that weren't prescribed.That was wahala no 1.
DeleteI cooked all through while my mum took care of bathing the baby later on. Washing Machine did the laundry, I basically ran my home like I did before I gave birth. The only difference is that my mum sleep in the baby room and flashes me to come breastfeed when baby wakes.
Having her around gave hubby and I time to go out and not be tied to the baby.
My wonderful sis took care of house chores.
As for MIL she came back later with her daughter and grandchild that is as young as my newborn. It was through the grace of God that I survived those 2 months without going crazy.
I'm too embarrassed to comment.my mum left me and my baby 2 weeks after I gave birth to my first child.my husband then wasn't in the same town with me.mind u my mum stays in the same town as me,has a car her personal house.she doesn't have a job so she doesn't have any commitment she has to run back to.on the contrary she stayed in my younger sister's house(whose husband is richer than mine)for 8 months,and for 3 years was going to bath her child morning and evening.was I hurt?unspeakably!did I blame her?no!its her life let her be as partial as she wants.God is watching.when I gave birth to my second child I didn't tell her.she heard it from a stranger.i told her that my house is full so no need to come.when I give birth again she will be more shocked because she won't even see me pregnant.
DeleteI don't even want to remember my omugwo experience. Very similar to Stella's own lol
DeleteGo and try my mum. In fact you will ever wash her join. So because of omugwo, one busy woman will leave everything to come and cook and was and do housework she did in 1900. If we believe times are changing, let's change our mentality of expecting mothers or mother in laws to come and become house helps when we give birth. They got their lives as well and they are not as young and strong as we may expect them to be.
DeleteBwahahahahhahahaha at Stella's remark . Oh boi! Na wetin my eye see for this obodo oyinbo o! Work wan kee me and DH.
DeleteTbh... Our mama's rock and omugwo shouldn't necessarily mean to come and do chores . Having people around to do one or two chores is okay as long as everyone makes an input and help with the baby so the New mum can rest .
As for me I am suffering from sleep deprivation �� And SDK you no even ask of person ... No be so my warri sis o��
Good to know
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha laughing so hard...Knowing my kind of mother, if my mum stays 2weeks I wld b super thankful to her. Pls MILs are not slaves! Sincerely, I don't expect my own mother to do my/our laundry! She might employ a helper for me to do the cleaning nd laundry and pay herself...I would b grateful if my MIL can help in anyway! Even if it's a week of caring for baby alone. Dos who lives abroad know how it goes down, especially when everyone in your family has a full time job.
DeleteStella I wonder oo... us 'abroadians' how we for do? No househelp, no mom, no mom in law, no sis in law, no househelp etc... I mean who else is supposed to do these things if not you and your hubby. Here husband and wives take turn oo. U sleep when baby is sleeping and wake when baby wakes. I'm just curious to hear stories from people abroad who don't have the luxuries of extended family help
DeleteI live abroadcast as a full time student with 2 jobs. MIL is wicked and mum is quite elderly. So we enrolled my baby @ the day care by 6 weeks old. Daycare is open from 7am to 6.30 pm so it gives DH and I enough time to do our runs. Mind you, this is my second child. My first attends Pre k3 in same school as my second,so it makes everything convenient.It's not easy, but we have to rotate the chores once we get home
Delete@ you expect your mil to be your maid... How rude... My brother's wife dare not try that rubbish.. I will hook my brother with a girlfriend... Asap
ReplyDeleteMy mom is Igbo but I won't turn her into a slave in d name of omugwo. My mom loves cooking and I don't so when she comes she'll take over d cooking...lol. Maybe she can help with bathing and dressing d baby but laundry and the cleaning of d house would be I and my husband's responsibility. My mom has already told me that she doesn't know how to press stomach/womb cos no one did it to her after childbirth so I don't expect her to press my stomach. My mom is still young, has a husband, and she still works; I don't see anything wrong with her attending parties or weddings when she comes for omugwu
Delete
DeleteThe essence of the MIL coming us to help. If she wont be of any use in that period,she should stay in her house instead of coming to be a burden. She can visit for 2 days and go. Its better for me to do the work alone with support from.my husband than to have someone that will even add more work for me.
Omugwo us nit for the MIL to come and put her feet up. She is meant to come and assist. If its another period she is coming to visit, she can relax but omugwo is not vacation for her
She's busy making excuses for her mother. She's an igbo girl, her mother whether she can bathe new baby or not, must come over. She will learn with her grandchild. Mscheww
DeleteAnon 13.06 Are u for real? Mouth wide open
DeleteStella u dey mind dem, den wan turn dia MIL to slaves.
ReplyDeleteI don't get u guys and Stella at times. Ps let me ask? If the bukky girl was not around and the husband goes to work everyday, is it a woman that got delivered through CS, that'll come and be sweeping houses and doing chores!! A woman in her 50's is not old abeg, she can bend down and sweep the house, people in her age groups and older does it. Does she not wash her own cloths at home or sweep her house!. Na wah o, I dont gerrit.
DeleteBut bukky was there! If you were your mil will you do all of that is you have another help like bukky? Please free the woman abegi. So if your mum came she will do your laundry, cleaning, etc?
DeleteHow do you think Nigerian women that live abroad do it. You and your husband did the the kiniko and you expect an old woman to come and run around for you. People do it alone still taking care of their other children. If you are old enough to get married and get pregnant....Make you(if you are single)and your better half sort it out. My 2 cent.
DeleteAnon 13:54, leave stella to dey yarn anyhow na. Stella, it's culture
DeleteThere are certain things I do to make my MIL work easier. When it is one week to my delivery, I go to Mile 12 in Lagos to buy EVERYTHING I will need for the next three months including pepper, grind it and keep in the freezer. Meat, yam, rice etc. The only thing I don't buy is fish, cos I like it fresh. Then get a little girl she can be sending errands, otan. Finish!
DeleteMehn the way you guys talk to people on this blog tho
DeleteLol... That pix of Mike up there is just too funny. Looks like a scene from Bro Jekwu, (forgotten the name of the movie).
ReplyDeleteI really have no idea what this omugwo stuff is all about. I know mothers and MIL's or elderly female relatives are supposed to help with caring for new mothers and babies but I'm also finding it difficult to imagine my 70 yr old mum cleaning my house and washing my clothes.
She'll definitely care for me and baby, and cook too but other chores are out. Probably delegate that to a maid or younger relatives.
I did that for my elder sisters, but as na me be last, God help me when e reach my turn.
Why will your mum cook for you? New mothers regain their stress in days if all goes well. So why can't you do your chores with support from your hubby. Mama is just there for the baby please. Even with CS your hubby should assist. Na mama give you Belle?
DeleteWho give mama Belle when she still dey young? Lol
DeleteI'm the last too. I always go for my sisters omugwos before my mum, and most times she even leaves before me. Then it got to my turn, mummy dearest travelled to the states, all my sisters are career ladies except for our ada, a lazy house wife with so many servants so I cam imagine my horror. She was supposed to come with her nurse friend but ended up coming alone. I saw fire, my sis did not cook omugwo food for me for one day. Hubby will go to market buy stuffs and take it to restaurant to make omugwo soup for me until I was able to cook for myself. If my sis showers before me, then she wont press my tummy with hot water cos it will ruin her makeup. At night hubby babysits after a long day at work. In the morning hubby sends me to as my sis what she will have for breakfast and make it for us. Please bear in mind that I do not have a help but she took very good care of d baby with my mum on the phone every minute telling her what to do.to cut d long story of horror short, she left and hubby had to invite mil so I can have an omugwo experience. For my next baby I've already booked mil in advance...I no fit shout
DeleteStella your last sentence is appalling why not employ an English teacher
ReplyDeleteNa the "with" dey disturb you abi is it the "i"? park well please. Where's the punctuation in your own sentence?
DeleteNawaoh the bullies here ehn God have mercy
Delete😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteTwo conflicting thoughts came to my mind while reading:
ReplyDeleteThere are lazy grandmothers, no need to hype our mothers generation as a hardworking one. I think we prefer to think of them as the perfect generation but they weren't. So, while there are grandmums who would take over everything, making you do nothing. There are some that can't be bothered.
Second thought: What's with the entitlement attitude? A grown woman married a grown man but expects someone elderly than them to run around for them. What if she slumps from doing all the washing, cooking and other stuffs? While I don't expect you to wash her clothes, but I don't think you should expect her to do yours as well. That's the job of your husband and failing that a maid or a younger helper. Grandmothers are there to supervise and see that you do it right, of course your mum might be forced to go the extra mile because you are her daughter. Let's think, how many people abroad get someone come and help them after birthing a baby? I read and I am inclined to agree with James Michener, that American women are one of the strongest women on earth...not Africans and Indians (who have options of getting maids). As an American mum, you birth, take care of your child, drive them to plays and school events, sew or get costumes for them, have to be there when they are sick etc.
So, when are we going to see the chronicles when tempers flared?
Thank you my sister, I don't get the sense of entitlement
DeleteI don't like all these complaint and yes im Igbo. How would you expect a woman over 50 to come and be a maid and babysitter all in the name of tradition.
ReplyDeleteWhen I gave birth, my own mum came and she didn't do a thing apart from hover around and give advice. It was my younger sister on vacation that did most of my baby runs such as laundry and diaper changes.
Because I'm not a fool that wants to over work an old person, I got someone who came daily to takeover the housechores.
My mother inlaw came and she is from the southwest. She came with lots of foodstuff and love. She is about 60years. I never expected her to clean. The only thing she did was to give directives and carry my baby. She and my mum struggled for who would hold the baby more. Sometimes the only time they would let me hold my child was when she was hungry. They even took her for her earring piercing with my husband. Never for once did i want or expect them to cook, clean or wash. Not even their own clothes. The few times they cooked i was extremely grateful and felt very loved. Not even their own clothes. All the one they did for my husband and I when we were children till we grew up wasn't that enough?
Simple solution get a younger hand or help to aid with cleaning and laundry because it is unfair to expect your parents to come and work for you.
Your mama born you well
DeleteMay God bless u dear! You are cultured African woman.
Delete@Anon 13:19, You are well raised.
DeleteI swear! Haba what is wrong with Nigerian women abeg. What is all this rubbish? Am vexing like kilode. I will never stand and watch my mother in law do chores, it is so wrong. Next thing they will be writing chronicles, when they lack home training. Abeg I get three boys oh! God give them good home trained wives.
DeleteWay to go
DeleteRed diamond, seconded! Poster, your head dey there.
DeletePlease, if I may say something. In as much as omugwo is not intended to overwork ur mum or ur mil, part of the things to be done during omugwo is massaging of the baby and the woman who just put to bed and the best people to do this are your mum or mil. This is because they are the ones that are experienced in that area and not ur sister or nanny. They are expected to do it until u can do it urself. Please we have to note this and even if they dont do any other thing in the house as I don't support overworking them, they are supposed to do these two things because they are their responsibilities as long as they are alive and strong. That is the way culture made it.(Igbo culture)
DeleteSorry Stella for your experience, you no dey home naa.
ReplyDeleteFor the poster,you had no problem.
Nowadays we have lazy housewives abi na workwives. Women are just too lazy nowadays. Me self laziness dey body self. As i am in the office now, since i eat breakfast sleep just dey catch me. I don start to use staircase to walk up and down, in short self fat no gree come.
ReplyDeleteI dont expect my MIL to wash my clothes, what i expect is just look after the baby while i sleep for some hours. That is all
Fat no gree come ?
DeleteI thought you said you are size 16?
Where you wan fat go again?
If I send my own chronicle,Una go pity me ooo.My own mama came empty handed,wanted to cause kasala Fr my home oo...you go fear lazy mother in law with alot of rules and regulations concerning who would see my baby...I wonder what to do next in my second baby's omugwu.I may hire someone jare.
ReplyDeleteokbye
Lol! Stella your own story make sense pass sef..
ReplyDeleteLwkmd @ my mouth fell open.
ReplyDelete#WhiteDiamondOut
Lwkmd @ my mouth fell open.
ReplyDelete#WhiteDiamondOut
I lol @ the part she went to parties. Correct owambe woman.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is the best mom in law ever liveth! All her daughters in law keep calling to show how grateful they are.
The last one didnt even want my mom to travel back after 4months. My dad had to start calling us that his daughter in law has stolen his wife. Lol,God bless me with someone like her.
May God bless your mum!!
Delete@S.E : My MIL is like that. You will beg her to stay by the time she's going. Kai! My mum can form oyinbo sha,But she still tried her best. MIL has almost 20 grandchildren to her credit, so she's well experienced, my mom has just 2. So the difference is clear....
DeleteWomen stop expecting so much from your mils.
ReplyDeleteLmao @my mouth fell open.
ReplyDeleteShe came over, carried the baby for five minutes, kissed him, kissed me and left with a promise to return....This really cracked me up. Would have loved to see the expression on your face.
ReplyDeleteIgbos are the best when it comes to omugwo...#fact
ReplyDeleteObu omenala anyi
May God help your shallow brain
DeleteYou tell not a lie. I think it is so because it is your own mother who's coming over. Not inlaw. O bu omenala anyi.
DeleteThere they go again. Una nor dey learn?. If I say eebbooh nau na you sabi.
DeleteHahahahaha d Stella herself, you think say na African woman wey get time to come and spend her leave in your house in the name of omugwo. Oyibo life rock jare.
ReplyDeletei don't think this is a chronicles. Ibo girls been lazy since the stone age.
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteImagine she did not wash clothes, ain't washing nobody's clothes. Some gals have balls, how do you expect your MI to come and be doing house chores for you, she even tried to bathe and feed your baby. Girls learn how to appreciate little efforts. My own mum is am orphan, no one came for the so called omugwo and she did just fine
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂@ur name..James is in trouble
DeleteStella you just made my day. I laughed till my waist hurt. Who send you go marry oyibo?
ReplyDeleteThe whole idea of omugwo Stella is so your mom or mother inlaw will come and help you out Until you are strong. After giving birth women are not strong enough to do anything talk more of those that gave birth thru
ReplyDeleteMy mom came for my omugwo and the one month she stayed was bliss for me. She couldn't stay longer because of her business... With her type of business, she even tried to be away for more than a week, thank God my sister was on holiday..
But thay period I didn't even lift a broom. She cooked morning, afternoon and night. Bathed the baby, massaged him, carried him all thru the night when he wakes up and stars crying. She wouldn't wake me until he really needs to feed, then she will knock, I'll go feed and hand over the baby back to her and go back to my room. She will be up all night because of the baby. The only thing she didn't do was clean the house as my hubby did that himself.
As for washing baby clothes, thank God for washing machine setting, you just set it to baby care and you are good to go.
When she left thay was when I knew all she went thru as it was only me and hubby. And hubby is scared of carrying babies thay are less than 3 months for fear of the baby not falling. He will only carry the baby when he is lying down on the bed, and you out the child on his chest, if he wants to get up you must pick the baby up first as he is so scared. So it was basically me doing the carrying until I left how to make him stay on the rocker without crying
So please Stella omugwo isn't for the mother in law to come and sleep and wash movies. It for them to help out. At least in Igbo land that's the significance. Don't know for other places but it should be the same every where
Well said fab mum. Its igbo tradition.
DeleteGbam!!!
DeleteThank you 😊
DeleteFab mum thank you. I don't understand people on this blog. Igbo tradition is your mom or whoever comes to help you. Especially a woman who gave birth through CS how can she do things? Even if you have a help, there's nothing like your mom being there. Cooking and doing other stuff. Of course you will do the ones you can but she's meant to help. Those abroad do it alone cos they have no choice as they have no one to help. But they know how difficult it is that's y some send for their mom's or close relative to travel to come meet them and help out. Castigating this poster is very wrong
DeleteWell said.
DeleteSo true.. At least in igbo land
DeleteWell....all these Omugwo levels and enslavement mentality. My mother has always been the hardworking career woman. She did not even wash her clothes when we were growing up, she had the washing machibe,helps for the clothes she cannot use the washing machine for and dry cleaners for her work clothes, I can't even begin to imagine her doing those things now. When I give birth, she it is who comes fir the Omugwo. She would bath the baby, dress the baby up, bath me, because she always insist on massaging my tummy with very hot water, she will ask me to dress up and breastfeed my baby while she goes on to make pepper soup for me(thats the daily ritual), at night, she will ask me to breastfeeding feed the baby to sleep so I can sleep too, any other waking up at night is her and the baby's wahala. That's where mumsie's role ends o. To now ask her to wash clothes, even hand jer chief sef, she go jus run. My mother in law comes daily with coolers of food and she will help out with the baby in the afternoon through evening and go back to her house. Na so our own Omugwo be o. House girl role no fit my mama or my mother in law, they are both very educated and career women till they retired. I wan kill them? Abi tomorrow now, my daughter or daughter in law will expect me to come and start washing their clothes for them because say dem born? Dem wan kill me? Oghene......abego!
ReplyDeleteNa wa for your write up though!! See grammatical thinz upandan.
DeleteStella I feel you. I was just having this conversation with hubby after reading the yesterday post. When I give birth and mummy dearest comes for omugwo I dont think I can sit back and watch her clean the house, wash clothes etc. Abeg she should just care for the baby, massage my tummy and cook some special things I need to help reduce my tummy. Other things like cooking for my hubby, cleaning the house and washing my clothes and the baby's I can do it. Hubby washes his clothes and goes to market for us now so I dont think that would change even if my mum is around.. That is why women get to add so much weight during omugwo, they do nothing but eat, breastfeed and sleep for 3mnths.
ReplyDeleteStella I feel you. I was just having this conversation with hubby after reading the yesterday post. When I give birth and mummy dearest comes for omugwo I dont think I can sit back and watch her clean the house, wash clothes etc. Abeg she should just care for the baby, massage my tummy and cook some special things I need to help reduce my tummy. Other things like cooking for my hubby, cleaning the house and washing my clothes and the baby's I can do it. Hubby washes his clothes and goes to market for us now so I dont think that would change even if my mum is around.. That is why women get to add so much weight during omugwo, they do nothing but eat, breastfeed and sleep for 3mnths.
ReplyDeleteLol,no be small my mouth fell open. 😂😂😂😉😂😂
ReplyDeleteWhen I get to that bridge i'll sure cross it.
Hian! Are we having conflict of culture 'ere? Omugwo yes an Igbo word means child visit from your own mother! It is the woman's mother that takes care of her child and grand child. Your hubby's mum can come spend few days and leave or even leaves the same day. You shouldn't expect much from her. So my dear poster, your mother was supposed to do all those things for you. It's not an excuse for your momma not to know how to take care of kids. When my sister put to bed, my mom did a "refresher course" from one of our neighbours who put to bed. Afterall nobody taught the first woman who put to bed how to take care of new borns. Who taught eve? Practice they say makes perfect. I had never handled a less than three months old baby before but I learnt it with my sister's baby. You'd only complain or find faults if you mom inlaw was imposing. Next time prepare well for your mum's visit. Omugwo bu Nne nke nwanyi na-abia kpomkwem!
ReplyDeleteGod bless u for ur comment
DeleteIf it's not your mom then expect nothing & be grateful for any help. Most women at that age are already having arthritic issues so we need to be more understanding & sympathetic.
ReplyDeleteYes you just had a baby but if your MIL does not live up to expectations crucify her not. If my mom comes visiting God forbid that she turns into a washerman or my househelp. What happened to washing machine or even all those women that go about offering washing of clothes services? Mama will wash clothes, cook, clean, take care of you & the baby, go to market? Even if it's you at that age won't you vex?
Thank God for your husband been the helpful type & may God give us the wisdom to deal with issues like this.
What did your come to do after 3month? She come answer present.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂Stella ur MIL do oyibo style...oh my! I haff die wit lafta
ReplyDeleteLols Sdk bvs always tagging behind Stella
ReplyDeleteSo becos Stella berated the lady, all of u now support, nawa oo
Omugwo is a time for new moms to rest and recover from the stress of labour and birthing. The poster delivered via CS and we know how its being done in Nigerian hospitals. She needed a lot of rest.
I just weak my sister. All of them were saying a different thing yesterday. Now that Stella has aired her own opinion, they are all lined up after her. Don't you people get tired of following people? Follow follow them
DeleteYou don't expect a woman who doesn't do this in her home to come to her son's house to enslave.My mum for instance stopped doing household chores when I graduated from high school.She leave for her office in the morning while I make breakfast for us and still make dinner later.She only cook when I come late from work or assist when I'm tired.I can't imagine how my brother's wife will feel like if she does this to her.Thank goodness I don't have one.
ReplyDeleteYour own is good, I gave birth to my first child in the year 2014 in Canada, my husband's parents lives in Canada. My mother-in-law only comes early morning on her way to work to see how baby is doing and checks back in the afternoon on her way back from work, she is a teacher so she doesn't have that time to do Omugo o! She bathed him just one time and that was his first bath.It wasn't difficult for me to bath and care for my son cause I helped people bath their babies back home,and it's just ones in a day I baths him so it wasn't difficult at all. my mother in-law is great, she calls always and ask if there is anything I want her to do for me, bought lots of baby clothes for my son. I didn't feel it cause husband was living in Canada then. Now I will be going back there in less than a month from now to have my babies and I will be staying in her house, I hope she helps out this time cause I'm having twins and I honestly can't care for them alone, she still teaches and I don't mind if she can take just 2 weeks off work to help care for them, And this is going to be my first time of staying with her for long, I hope I don't have any issue with her. I don't like troubles at all and my husband loves her too much and will always support whatever she does. It is well
ReplyDeleteYour own is good, I gave birth to my first child in the year 2014 in Canada, my husband's parents lives in Canada. My mother-in-law only comes early morning on her way to work to see how baby is doing and checks back in the afternoon on her way back from work, she is a teacher so she doesn't have that time to do Omugo o! She bathed him just one time and that was his first bath.It wasn't difficult for me to bath and care for my son cause I helped people bath their babies back home,and it's just ones in a day I baths him so it wasn't difficult at all. my mother in-law is great, she calls always and ask if there is anything I want her to do for me, bought lots of baby clothes for my son. I didn't feel it cause husband was living in Canada then. Now I will be going back there in less than a month from now to have my babies and I will be staying in her house, I hope she helps out this time cause I'm having twins and I honestly can't care for them alone, she still teaches and I don't mind if she can take just 2 weeks off work to help care for them, And this is going to be my first time of staying with her for long, I hope I don't have any issue with her. I don't like troubles at all and my husband loves her too much and will always support whatever she does. It is well
ReplyDeletemil should come aand take care of baby. cooking and cleaning should be for you to do when someone else is taking care of the baby, abi who was doing it before the baby came? if you have sisters they can come and help you cook and clean. at least they are young and agile and will do it from their own heart.
ReplyDeleteThere are different kind of MIL, some naturally will do anything for there kids or better yet grand kids. why while are just der will come dont do this, do that, put if here, no thats wat i want, coming to stress the couple sef...
ReplyDeleteyou cant expect your MIL to come wash your clothes for you after taking care of the baby... Thats too far ..
She can offer to assist if she is willing... Not you to enforce it..
My mum went for omugwo last year in Kano to take care of her adopted daughter,she was there for a month & washed,cooked & did all that was expected of her.On her way back to Abuja,she had a stop over in my sisters place in kaduna,she complained of being sleep deprived & headache.The following day,she slumped & was diagnosed of stroke.We moved her from kaduna to Abuja & spent two months in the hospital.The adopted child she visited only called once,her husband didn't call or show any concern.My mum is a very neat person so she over worked herself,she met the house dirty and spent days cleaning,washing & taking care of mother & child.My fellow women,make provisions for washing machine or get someone to come weekends to wash & clean your house.Stop this habit of entitlement.
ReplyDeleteEyahhh.... Please tell me she's alright now. What an ungrateful adopted daughter!! What's all this nau?
DeleteAh! That adopted daughter must be insensitive o.
Delete@chikito,She's alright now,thanks.
DeleteStella I don't agree with u on this, omugwo is not a time to come n relax, it's a time to come and assist a new mom adjust. Now it's extra work when the person you are coming to take care of gave birth through cs.
ReplyDeleteHow can u expect a person that gave birth through cs to sweep, wash, cook, go to the market n still take care of the new born. If u r coming to my house to come n go for party n lazy around. Abeg stay for your house, omugwo is not a by force something.
You and your husband are solely responsible for your actions so please it is not an entitlement to think your mom or your mother in law should become your slave because you gave birth.Gosh! The nerve some of you have is mind bogging. After training you as kids,you still expect them to serve you and your new family because Una be God? If you are so concerned about resting after child birth ,then get a house help.
ReplyDeleteThe poster might be wrong to say her mother-in-law should wash and clean the house but she's supposed to bathe the baby, press the wife's tummy, bathe the wife and also prepare pepper soup for her to drink. At least I saw my mum do that 4 my aunt while her husband washed the clothes and arranged the house. Wait!!! Wat r they even arranging in the house? Is it not to throw away the water used in bathing the child and returning every other used item back to its original place? Hian!!!
ReplyDeleteBia Jasmine nnem, Don't worry, when you start motherhood course, you will know what they are cleaning. Especially when you already have toddler(s).
DeleteMake God come help you, your husband will be the type that loves sex everyday even if you just left hospital, and would not lift a finger in the house regardless. Chere godu, inugo?
Ageless, rapu oku biko. I've gone for omugwo too. Toddlers scatter house indeed. I'll flog the scatter outta the child's body.
DeleteScatter house? Coz he or she is a child? Maka gini? They should play o but mind the play
The above poster said her mum doesn't know how to take care of babies so she didn't come & it's okay by her.If your MIL doesn't know how to take care of babies too,won't you look for alternative?What if you were abroad & visa was denied?My married neighbors are orphans & have two kids,we all helped when she gave birth.You don't expect a woman in her fifties who is well educated to come and be sweeping or washing clothes for you because you gave birth.Call your cousins,get a help,buy washing machine.My two cents
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, but I do not understand Nigerians and their entitlement mentality. It is nobody's obligation to bath your child. Yes, I said it. Don't think it is your MIL or your mum's obligation to do omugwuo. If they feel like then they can do it out of love. All these MIL bashing that goes on here should please stop. If you know you can have a child then be ready to hire a nanny that can help me with such duties. Most of you here are so ignorant. This is why white people are progressive, their mentality has been liberated. I don't want to see anymore omugwu chronicles please.
ReplyDeleteJust like its not your job to send them money. They are adults too n should not expect it from you just because they gave birth to us abi? My mother- inlaw is with us n is already complaining about watching my baby from 10:30pm when I leave for work till 11:15pm when my hubby returns to take over. Mind you the baby is usually asleep when I leave and I come back in the morning to bathe my baby,drop her at the day carè n prepare mama's breakfast n lunch so I can sleep well. Yet she expect me to take her shopping all the time. I stopped buying things for her and started giving the equivalent amount they pay old women who watch kids here in america which is far less than what I used to do for her.
DeleteWomen women women!!! Pls can you give me just 1 reason you would want to turn your mother in law in to your house help? What is there job? To take care of the baby abi? Then why do you want to turn her matter to a chronicle now? Abeg make una go get una house help leave mama alone.
ReplyDeleteWhile it is unfair for a mil to say she is coming for omugwo and just bathe baby and sleep throughout the day, expecting a woman who just gave birth to wash clean and sweep and even cook for her, it is also wrong to turn an elderly woman into a house help all in the name of omugwo. The mil should help with the baby and maybe the cooking if the woman is not yet strong. While mothers to be should make arrangements for help or nanny or a smaller family relative to help out with the house chores. If your hubby does not want househelp or can't afford one, let him help out with the house chores. Who wants to SUFFER? Since I started giving birth, I always employ two helps, househelp and nanny, so mil or not,I no get shaking. It is expensive but very convenient. The helps wait on me hand and foot while mil takes care of baby.fortunately,my babies don't disturb, they sleep a lot. Don't have a mother but even if she were alive, I won't allow her to come.dont want anybody to stress my life.
ReplyDeletedon't mind them. As if the poor woman was dere wen u guys where gbenshing skin to skin and you we'r shouting 'I'm coming, I'm coming'. In james voice..........
ReplyDeleteYou want to kill d woman before her time. What if she has arthritis or has bad back. At almost 60.
Madam go hire a nanny or house maid. They are cheap. They can help with cleaning and washing.
Asides bathing and general care of your baby, don't expect anythn more. if by chance she wants to help with oda things be thankful.
Na she give u belle ni.
Lmao!!!!!!
DeleteAnon 14:48 i am size 10. I need to get fat small.
ReplyDeleteI am superwoman. I don't do omugwo
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...people r different. When I become a grand mother, I ain't doing nothing. It doesn't make me less of a grand mother.
ReplyDeleteIf u had no mother or mother inlaw, won't you sort yourself out?? Was she there when you were doing it?? Pls o.
Stella you just making me love you more daily.......... Nice comment there. These MIL are old for Christ sake,if all they can do is bath the baby i think that's enough now.
ReplyDeleteLucky for you with mums. I had my baby in the U.K. , so I learnt everything myself . My younger sisters Cooked and cleaned the house , but everything baby, and washing his clothes was on me . I came back to Nigeria when baby was almost 2 months old and my house help and MIL were waiting for me . I was already so used to doing everything for my baby so I didn't need her help. I was also exclusively breastfeeding my baby round the clock , so he slept with me. I was dieting so she gave up on cooking for me and my house help dos all the chores . She just got on my nerves to be honest . Omugwo is super overrated . I had never handled a baby in my life but learnt to bath and care for mine . Just hire a househelp and you will be fine .
ReplyDeleteIf u can't help sidon for ur house no need to be an extra baggage for d new mum trying to adjust.omugwo is to help adapt to d new baby after all if u leave d new mum will do d work for years unending so why can't she rest a bit wen dere is extra help.
ReplyDeleteI will only be grateful if they help me both of them if not, nah me and hubby go do our responsibility oo. No be we born?
ReplyDeleteAnon 13:21 u said ur mother came empty handed? In that case, i believe she doesn't have the money to buy things for the omugwo, you as the daughter should have sent money to her to enable her prepare well. Next time, try and send money to her.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you stella. I live in the USA, just holding the baby is good enough for me. I cook, clean and bath my baby myself. Some women are too lazy!
ReplyDeleteYou can't discuss this omugwo without touching culture. Igbos believe a new mum should rest and sleep for at least 3 months. So when you go for omugwo, you are expected to help. Yorubas do not really have omugwo. After naming ceremony, they are back to business. Moreover, Yorubas don't send their elders on errand. Culture differs.
ReplyDeleteSo your MIL should do the house chores for you because you just had a baby??maybe you dont know what this omugwo means,it is for them to come help you with the baby not your chores and or home! Why you know invite them wen you dey do the kini?or when you were pregnant...tschew...i wonder what many of us will do when we become MIL ourselves,with the way we spit fire here on various issues and to people you have never met/seen..
ReplyDeleteI had my first child and nobody helped with nada, so just keep cool.
ReplyDeleteShe shouldn't have a life cos she now has a grandchild.
I had never handled a newborn in my entire life but once I was shown how to do it in the hospital by the nursery nurse na so I carry go.
My friend, gherrara here.
Fo get a nanny since you can't care for your own child.
In Yoruba land, a MIL or Mother's duty is to take care of the baby, strictly. Who has time to be doing house chores? Presently, my mum is at my elder brother's house because his wife just put to bed. They are not based in Lagos and anytime I call my mum, she's either bathing the baby, putting her to sleep or just playing with her.
ReplyDeleteAs for me I think your mother in law shouldn't be expected to do more than take care of the baby. Any other chore in the house should either be done by a maid or the husband while the wife rests. Your mum may feel obliged to cook for you and do a little extra but she is also not obliged to do more than take care of the baby. My experience was a horrible one cos neither my mum or mum in law were able to come until my son was 5 months. And by then I was already bitter at them both. My mum stayed a week and left. My mum in law who came with her daughter's 2 year old would abandon my son with my inept Househelp while she took care of the 2 year old. She left after 5 weeks but it was a constant nightmare. For my next pregnancy my plan is to get a competent nanny who will help take care of my new born as I don't intend to be at anyone's mercy
ReplyDelete