Some men think that because their wives are successful or rich,they shouldnt spoil her..Oh damn,''she can provide for herself''.
Thats a wrong opinion and probably why you lost the key to her heart...See,a woman needs your love and your money,especially if you have it and if you dont,she needs the little you can give...
Would it be wrong or right by you if I said that ''Even if your woman is a millionaire,you still owe it to her to provide for her..''
Please we are addressing this issue from the Nigerian perspective,so dont put us on a flight to Europe or American and compare...This is an African mind rubbing.
Before i end this,Is there anywhere in the Bible that categorically states that the man must provide for his wife in the way described above?.....
Please this is just a couch session,dont burst a nerve trying to explain anything.
If you have a couch session topic,please mail me explicitly.
Lemme wait for comments please
ReplyDeleteIs not only the man that should spoil the woman, we women can equally spoil our men, if he doesn't have and you do you can provide for the family biko ojinu kwa na obughi diokpara gburu. Let us compliment our men in all ramifications, take him out, buy him gifts and spoil him silly.
DeleteA woman is made to be spoiled weather she is a billionaire. You dont have to buy her a jet or a car every birthday. The code men dont get is to get her atuffs she might not be able to buy.
DeleteYou can learn massage and massage her once or twice a week.
You can take her to dinner, it doesnt have to be hilton but a good restaurant will do.
You can get her lingerie. Plenty things jor.
Kai...lemme go and offcially toast my crush. This single life isnt sexy
Lets just talk about sex and sex and sex
DeleteAs everything be for Nigeria now...
No ligh
No water
Fuel #145
Rice #17k
Garri very expensive
What else?
Lets just talk about sex
@Galore
Uhmm... as much as men love to be respected, women love to be pampered. Give her a gift wen she isnt expecting any. Give her money to make her hair. Buy her a new dress or jst take her shopping. Giving a lady u are dating money no matter how little goes a long way.
DeleteTuscany Tuscany!!!
Delete@jasmine wetin i do ooo
DeleteG love you are a goat!!!! Stella is talking about caring and loving a rich lady by her spouse and you want use to talk about petting men! Biko a real man don't want your pet he needs your respect! Ibu ewu? Is the man oriaku! The only place a believe a man needs or wants petting is in the bedroom and it simply means submitting to your man! Ibu ewu? That's how you silly girl will date and spoil real men turning them to sisi! Ibu ewu? Mtcheeeew you just vex me now
DeleteI totally agree with this Stella! A lot of men do not know that it's the little things they do for their women that matter the most! Occasional gifts and stipends are wonderful even if she works and makes her money, it would still be nice if the man occasionally said " let's go shopping " or gave her money to treat herself to a nice day out. Even if the woman is not vocal or does not demand, it's still a nice thing to do. I wish my husband did such, I know he doesn't have too much money as he claims ( not sure because I noticed he's been dishonest about his finance) but I'm sure there is so much he can do for me. We have been married for a year and it's been hell! Most of that one year I was unable to work because I relocated and needed to settle in. Despite that, I was spending my savings trying to take care of myself, bought a car, pay my phone bills and generally take care of anything financial concerning me. Most of that time, he never offered to help. In summary I believe in men making their women feel loved, I love men who make their women feel like queens. I believe that that's the way it should be
DeleteAnon 19:05,your DH must be a Yoruba man like mine. Wish I listened to my parents and pitched my tent with an Igbo guy. I hassle to pay for all,when I say ALL,I mean ALL ooooo. Dear Lord,i'm not complaining, i'm grateful. I work hard, and I play hard. Oh I sure know how to pamper my children and I biko
DeleteAnon
DeleteStraighten his head b4 it is too late
Prayers and not doing everything by yourself
Na parallel financial governments una dey run so
If not corrected in time, when babies come
No matter how much you make
YOU WILL BE BITTER AND UNHAPPY carrying load you shouldn't
Hmmmm......when there is love things like that doesn't matter
ReplyDeleteMy sister you're very correct. Love doesn't mind such petty things. If there's love between the two people, you'll see them fighting to outdo eachother in terms of giving. Not my money and your money kasala.
DeleteMay God give us an indepth understanding of LOVE in Jesus' name. Amen.
Love ke!if he doesn't take care of u financially, that thing called love will become resentment
DeleteNow I remember!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe bible says that a man that can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel.
Don't ask me about the chapter and verse
O.k bye 🙋
Wrong, check very well it is anyone and not any man. Having clarified that, I think traditionally a man is supposed to provide for his family and that I totally support.
DeleteHahahah,where is the chapter and verse
Delete1st Timothy 5:8,if anyone does nt provide 4 his relatives, nd especially 4 his own family, he's disowned d faith nd is worse dan an unbeliever. (revised standard version)
Delete1Timothy 5vs8
Deletearise,you joking yea? It clearly states his/he not she,read very well and understand.
Even if a 'she' is involved sef,it should be her taking care of her parents or siblings.
Btw,i also think Gen3 explains it. To the man he said,in toil and sweat of your face,you shall eat bread. While to the woman he said,I will greatly multiply your pain in child bearing,in pain you shall bring forth children.
So you see,everyone has a role to play.
But a woman can also work and assist her hubby,the man should also be ready to assist his wife with domestic chores and other things. Not collecting part of wifey's money and still forming head of the family/boss ontop.
ShanzEmpire
Will be back to read comment.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Nigerian man and i provide for every woman around me, u can ask them
DeleteNothing gives me more joy than d look on my lady's face when I buy her something..I'm d type dat believes that even oloshos deserve breakfast in bed.I love taking care of women generally ,irrespective of how much they have...dias no time I buy sometin for myself without buying sometin for my baby."U better put that woman first" *in jaheim's voice*
DeleteNothing beats that period when 'wife of my youth' takes d gift,holds my hands,kneels down n starts praying for me...I love that babe die
DeleteI take my DH out ,buy him gifts and he does the same too.Not a big deal,moreover I earn higher than him.
Delete*Grabs popcorn and joko".
ReplyDeleteCan I share your couch.
DeleteNa joko ooo but I go shift for you
DeleteVery true. I'm financially stable and can afford to get just about anything for myself but hubby still spoils me. He's so attentive to me... if we have an event, I would probably wait till a few days before the event to start thinking of what to wear meanwhile hubby would have gone out looking for shoe and bag, jewelry etc... he's such a sweetheart.
DeleteAccording to him, a man's success should be seen through his wife. I also buy him luxury gifts as well cos it's not a one way Street. I'm truly blessed.
That's why I'm never gonna let my future husband know how much I earn.... I believe in equality... I spoil him, he spoils me more
ReplyDeleteAnd it's only the jealous, misogynistic, bush man with a primitive mentality would think like this anyway.
Love you already snarky
DeleteSnarky...this is why you'll remain eternally single! Who goes into marriage with this depth of myopia? You don't even have a toaster and you're already planning to "hide" income? Na wah oh...I don't know what type of upbringing some people have
DeleteI have taken good care of my ex(es). I sent her pocket money, order gifts, take her out for shopping, surprises, spent good time with her and I have never received N5 groundnut from her; not even once.
DeleteThis has been happening to different girls I have dated and it's really affecting my present relationship cos the girl just think that am stingy but I hate to spend so much on a girl that would never reciprocate no matter how small.
I have blood and water flowing in my veins as well.
Don't relent dearie,u will still meet pipo like us dat reciprocates kk,don't change ur xter for anything...
DeleteI love being spoilt silly ; with love, gifts, pleasant surprises.
ReplyDeleteMustn't be something huge or out of this world.
What really matters is the thought behind those little sweet things.
Shouldn't matter if I'm raking in big bucks or not.
I'm of the opinion that this should be a two way thing though.
That your husband is the man of the house and the 'provider', or is a billionaire, isn't an excuse not to occasionally take him to cloud 9, with beautiful surprises, gifts, even little thoughtful, spontaneous gestures are enough to make your loved one's day.
Everyone deserves that feeling of being loved and cherished, woman or man.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Gbam 🙋
DeleteYou're one of the sensible women here! My wife was job hunting for a while and within that period, she'd occasionally take me out to get shawarma with the money I give her. Even little things like when she goes to the market & buys me garden eggs & peanuts. In return, I'll ask her to mention whatever she wants & I'll provide the money but she made me understand that it isn't much about the money but rather about taking time to think of what she'd like & actually going out to get it for her. It's really sad that this spirit of entitlement has eaten into the fabric of a lot of girls. There's no winner & no prize for this "do-me-I-do-you" mentality
DeleteI absolutely agree with you Stella. Even the bible says "For God so loved the world and He GAVE. If you don't ask some men, you won't get anything done, not even a dinner treat. Nigerian men know how to tell their women to watch movies and act like a Porn star, but they can't just put up a simple romantic act. Lol
ReplyDeleteSmh...so God has a gender and is a giver & "men" so take a cue, kwo? Nigerian men this, Nigerian men that...biko Cameroun is not far oh! Just continue with their men, maybe they go mumu to the level you want. Let me ask you, how many times have you woken up & served whatever that is gbenshing you breakfast in bed, run his bath water, bring out his clothes for work (that's if e get work), check on him throughout the day, bring lunch and have dinner ready when e come back? Na to dey complain reach moon & back. Do you own part 1st
Delete@Miss Ferragamo- I beg to differ! There a good Nigerian men out there. Depends on how you package yourself. And if the man isn't acting the way you expect, no one asked you to listen to his bullshit. Take a walk! But when a man does one bullshit and you swallow, he will do the next one up to the point where he can ask you to do 'porn' style for him. Who asks a woman that? Are they mad ni?
DeleteRules of the game
1. Don't conclude too soon. Often times we get carried away thinking that the richest guys are the biggest spenders. My dear, your gold mine might be that average guy with a good job. He is the one that will use a good fraction of his salary to make you happy. Leave all these Range Rover people all the time. Some of them Na one hit wonder them take but motor. They don't have steady income or money in their account.
2. Don't always talk about yourself when you meet a guy. Say little and let him talk more. From that you will understand his character and mindset and know if you are to stay or leave. Sometimes, he will give examples of previous scenarios he's been in. From the way he treats people, talks about exes, handles issues with his friends, you can know if he's a keeper. If he's someone who doesn't tip on a date, he's stingy. If he doesn't assist his friends in need, he's stingy. Someone he's close to is doing burial and he doesn't even say let me send him 10k for drinks, or I wish I had 10k to give him for half bag of rice, nne he's stingy.
3. Is he self-centred? 'My this, my that' everything Na him own you go hear. He's not even reciprocating the same attitude to you. E.g You enter his car on a rainy day before he's concerned about how you have managed on a wet day, he's shouting that you want to mess his car. Yet He comes to your house on a rainy and brings in his wet shoes without treating you with the same respect. Nne avoid such guys.
But most of us don't check even the little things. we just carry cookie and give them. And thank God for bringing steady penis that we can be riding. Later we start crying wolf.
@Miss Ferragamo- I beg to differ! There a good Nigerian men out there. Depends on how you package yourself. And if the man isn't acting the way you expect, no one asked you to listen to his bullshit. Take a walk! But when a man does one bullshit and you swallow, he will do the next one up to the point where he can ask you to do 'porn' style for him. Who asks a woman that? Are they mad ni?
DeleteRules of the game
1. Don't conclude too soon. Often times we get carried away thinking that the richest guys are the biggest spenders. My dear, your gold mine might be that average guy with a good job. He is the one that will use a good fraction of his salary to make you happy. Leave all these Range Rover people all the time. Some of them Na one hit wonder them take but motor. They don't have steady income or money in their account.
2. Don't always talk about yourself when you meet a guy. Say little and let him talk more. From that you will understand his character and mindset and know if you are to stay or leave. Sometimes, he will give examples of previous scenarios he's been in. From the way he treats people, talks about exes, handles issues with his friends, you can know if he's a keeper. If he's someone who doesn't tip on a date, he's stingy. If he doesn't assist his friends in need, he's stingy. Someone he's close to is doing burial and he doesn't even say let me send him 10k for drinks, or I wish I had 10k to give him for half bag of rice, nne he's stingy.
3. Is he self-centred? 'My this, my that' everything Na him own you go hear. He's not even reciprocating the same attitude to you. E.g You enter his car on a rainy day before he's concerned about how you have managed on a wet day, he's shouting that you want to mess his car. Yet He comes to your house on a rainy and brings in his wet shoes without treating you with the same respect. Nne avoid such guys.
But most of us don't check even the little things. we just carry cookie and give them. And thank God for bringing steady penis that we can be riding. Later we start crying wolf.
Take 5 jare,you get brain and it's in use.....learners hear word.
Delete1 timothy 5:8
ReplyDelete"A man who cannot provide for his wife is worse than an infidel"
Whether you wife is the most richest woman in the world, gift her not because she cannot afford it but because you need to make her feel loved and appreciated. I personally love gifts from my husband even if I can afford such. There's just this sentimental attachment I have for gifts from my husband than those I get for myself.
Men, make your women feel loved. Make them feel they are the best part of you.
Pls check, 'But if any' gender not indicated.
DeleteThe man there is for both sex.
DeleteI have been married for three years , I cant point out one thing he bought for me. No outings. My birthdays r just like ever normal day in the house.
ReplyDeleteAnon 13:13, let me give you a tip. On his birthday birthday take him out. It is only natural that he will want to reciprocate on your birthday. If you want to go to the cinema, take him along and pay. With time he will do the same. You get what you give. You cannot be stingy to your husband and expect him not to be stingy towards you. I tried it and it is working for me.
DeleteCan he point out one thing you have bought for him???
DeleteAm not saying that you need to shower him with gifts.
Sometimes you need to teach people how to give not through words but actions.
Eyaa...
DeleteI'm sure he gives his sidechick...
Chai!...
While we were dating I get him gift both on his birthdays, anniversary or just anyother day, if I see any thing nice I would love him to have I must buy it for him . I am not stingy to him or to any other person.
DeleteAnon 13:53. I have done all what u listed.
DeleteDen he is stingy
DeleteAkagum is a sin
@anon, not every man reciprocates
DeleteEven if you try do just to be an example so the man can know what to do,some men still not bother.i used to buy my hubby gifts on his birthday, order cake, buy card and our kids will fill it with loving words,cook special meal and give him correct s** yet this man has never in the 15yrs that we've been married remember my birthday.even when I remind him a week before,he still forgets,stupid man.until our children tells him,Daddy it's Mummy's birthday, that's when he'll now be begging and tell me to buy whatever I want(I have access to his account) I sha have stopped and now pretend like I've forgotten his birthday too like 2years ago.na blank mode I dey dey now on his birthday, this year own self,I travelled and purposely made my return ticket for 2days after his birthday.
DeleteAnonymous 02:29...It's funny how you dullard wives come her and demonize your husbands and somehow appear to be the victim. Oya leave the marriage nah, yet you remain there like log of wood & complain eternally.
DeleteEven if a Folorunsho Alakija will appreciate her man doing things for her once in a while.. There is just something so right about a man providing for his woman...
ReplyDeleteNonsense post. Stella fuck u
ReplyDeleteFuck your mother!...
DeleteStellas voltrons see this one ooh...
DeleteAnonymous, the sun must be too hot where you are. Please drink cold water. such venom.
DeleteStella, every time you keep bringing up this issue; "my money", "my husband's money", "my wife is a millionaire" etc. What? is that all you know about marriage. I am afraid that the simple honest stella I have known over the years is becoming increasingly materialistic, eccentric and egotistic. Are the two not supposed to be one? I am a married woman in the diaspora like you and all I see around me has not in anyway affected my Christian values. If my husband earns a dime; we've earned a dime, if he earns millions, we've earned millions and vice versa; that is the way it's been for more than a decade and we are fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteWhen one says "spouse" one is talking about "life partner"; husband or wife. If one has chosen above (all men or) ladies to live with "this fellow' as a life partner in love; then love is all about sharing. When one say "my husband's money" or "my money" is it not an anomaly? when one shares everything intimate (including sex); if they can't have funds together; where is the oneness? Hasn't the aim of marriage been defeated? The issue of oneness is in sharing everything. The excuses many give is "I don't trust her to know how much I earn or am worth". If one is a follower of Christ; who did Jesus give "his wallet"; was it not Judas? How much trust did Jesus have for Judas? These are some of the issues that intending spouses should define in courtship.
On a personal note; my husband and I had a common "account" from the moment I accepted to marry him. He decided to put me in charge of every financial spending. He makes contributions and there is no issues about that. There is no account that we have had since marriage that bears one person's name and the mandate is "either to sign". WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT "HIS MONEY" "MY MONEY" hasn't the purpose of marriage been defeated?
Finances usually breeds quarrel among couples and the taste of the pudding is in the eating. Married for more than a decade an NEVER ARGUED is our testimony by the grace of God. When there is concealment of finances, the lady makes demands, suspect the husband of keeping a concubine etc. But when the two are open to each other in the way described above; thee will be no room for mutual suspicion!
A couple we know lived financially apart. The man is reasonably well to do but the wife dared not ask or "take his money". He gave her "handout" of money from time to time; monthly allowances etc. All his businesses were solely in his name. He took ill and his doctor gave him a damning health verdict and he had a surgery fixed. He knew that he may not come out of the theater alive. He quickly summoned his wife and took her to all his accounts and made it Joint and she could sign. Made his kids 'next of kin" in all the accounts and re-registered all his businesses with the wife's name inclusive. Even the financial aspect of the surgery and bills, the wife was in charge. He told her, "If I do not come out of the theater alive, sell all the exotic cars and keep just two" etc. IT WAS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF THE WIFE TAKING "HIS MONEY"; THE WOMAN WAS IN CHARGE. He confessed certain misdeeds to the lady and they prayed together and he got into the theater. AFTER 9 HOURS OF SURGERY, the news came . . . he survived it! It was this singular experience that changed his attitude towards family finances as concerns his wife. She knew about every penny that dropped or left the "family business" as it became.
Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." (Luke twelve vs. fifteen)
Very Good
DeleteThis is the 80th time you are telling us this story.. Infacy i can recite the epistle word for word.. Thanks we've heard you...
DeleteYou again madam copy and paste!...
DeleteI didn't bother to read this trash you wrote...
I'm sure you are the breadwinner,slave in your horseband's house...
Mumu woman!...
Hian Mr preacher, make simple comment waka dey go, no come give us sermon ke. nobody's gonna read this long ass shit, at least I didn't.
DeleteWow. I have been coming to this blog for over a year now, must confess I haven't read anything like this here before. If only they will learn a thing or two from your write up (including the blogger)
DeleteWisdom.Best practice!
DeleteMadam poster you are 'over' correct but will they hear. No o the lazy dependent materialistic once will never here. Well they are all entitled to their opinions including the blogger. God I thank you for the wife you gave me though young and full of life with these present mentalities yet she doesn't not think or act like many I see or read about. If the things you read on blogs lead you astray na you sabi.you have natural filters, what worked for A may not work for B. If you love your spouse making them happy will come naturally and you will be eager to learn new ways of spicing up your love life.
DeleteFor every time she posts it, there's someone new who has never read it. Leave her be biko and just waka pass.
DeleteLet's hear abeg. If she posts about sex, u'll complain. If she posts about money, it's a problem.
DeleteMadam epistle writter, good thing u said u live in d diaspora. Thank God for your joint account horseband. God do well for you. But you see, it's a different ball game down here. These days, with men getting themselves sidechicks, side wives and even side children that will pop up one day and make u question ur existence, any woman that's not putting something aside for herself and her children is a fool. Continue to float in your joint account paradise just hope and pray it doesn't end up being a fools paradise.
DeleteU see this gift thing ehn, I believe in u give me, I give u but u have to give me first. Chikena.
Madam! You have posted this story 7m times! Biko we have heard.! You dey sound like fish seller
DeleteYou expect a man to spoil you with gifts despite your financial status and you are still clamoring for Gender Equality?I am saying it with no apology,women are the most confused set of people.
ReplyDeleteSo rich women that buy things for their husband nko? Ordinary flower and card won't cost up to N500. What of all the sexy underwear and card etc the woman buys. YOU are confused, not the women
DeleteYou are the one who's getting it wrong.
DeleteWhen we women clamour for gender equality we don't do that to be totally independent of you guys. We just want to be respected just as much as men are, we do not want to be looked down upon because of our sex or for the male folk to disregard certain rights that should be allotted to us. It doesn't take away the fact that we know our place in a home. My husband sees me as his better half, but I do not disregard the truth that he's head over me.
Let me preach, God created us; our spirits, before taking out adam's rib Gen 1:27. In my opinion, this means I am a supreme being of my own, independent of the man. It means as long as you are not my husband, I owe you nothing. No submission nothing.
But them when I decide to marry you, I am obliged to submit to you because I am bone of your bones and flesh of your flesh because of the marriage covenant and because when God wanted to give Adam a wife, he made her from him Gen 2: 21-24.
So going back to what Stella's talking about, our husbands should always provide my upkeep needs irrespective of how rich we are. I'm talking about the basic things, I know some women can be sucking blood for Africa but he should provide the basic stuff.
Anonymous 14:09...check the definition of equality again before you spew that rubbish! If you want equality, remove gender roles...y'all both go out & toil your soul out to provide for the family. When e reach to suffer, man issues surface & yet you're clamoring for rubbish equality...who dey measure with una sef?
DeleteSome of you are not even aware of gender equality.
DeleteWhen u hear how American celebrities spoil their wives and baby Mamas you hail them. But they have gender equality in those countries. Gender equality is not about splitting roles. It's about giving everyone equal opportunities be it man or woman. As long as the individual claims they are up to the task.
#1...that's coz they're celebrities. #2...there's no gender equality brouhaha, you just can't discriminate based on age, sex, religion, sexual orientation etc.
DeleteSame countries won't send their female military personnel in direct combat roles (only men are good to face the heat & die) and somehow that's not discrimination
DeleteIf a woman is richer than her horseband and she still expect him to spend the little he has on her, then the woman is very shameless and foolish.She does not truly love him. I will not be surprised if he starts looking outside.
ReplyDeleteSome of you are missing the point. No matter how rich a person is (whether man or woman) they appreciate gifts also. If your wife is richer than you and you still gift her, she will definitely reciprocate with bigger gifts. It works.
DeleteJames if you are the "horseband" you just discribed up,then you are shameless
DeleteThis is one of the people I described in my comment earlier on. You just opened ya foul yansh.
DeleteAnd you expecting your richer wife to spend entirely on you will carry your kurukere legs to dump your money on another girl outside. But can't spend a kobo on your wife even for a gift. No be God go judge you?
DeleteThe point is not that the woman expects but it's what's the right order of things. He is to take care of her, simple. She is his help mate not the sole provider.
DeleteRight order, kwo? Tomorrow if he doesn't help you wash plate, una kindred go hear am. Next tomorrow Senate is debating gender equality bill yet there's a "right order"...agwo tagbuo gi there
DeleteThanks a lot for this.
ReplyDeleteI started earning money some months ago and since then all I hear from my man is "but you have money na. I hate him so much now I am considering breaking up with him. How does one settle down with a man of such perceptions eh?
Do you ask him for money? If he is not your husband, you have no business asking him for money. He should use his discretion to spend on you.
DeleteAlso some ladies are so stingy, if you are sting to your partner, how do you expect him to be generous towards you.
Anonymous 13:19...please hurry up & break up so that a woman that deserves him to take over & have a BEAUTIFUL home with him. Idiot of no nation, you were jobless and he still supported you, now you're working, you still need support...you no get shame? Must he die for you?
DeleteLol. When next he tell you 'but you have money na' tell him yes but I still want you to spend on me. Thank you sir!
DeleteAnon 16:06- beautiful what? Na so una dey go jump inside well 😂😂 Mscheeew! Abeg shift
This issue has been overflogged. We all know the must provide for his family, if he can't, he's worse than an infidel.
ReplyDelete*the man
Deletestella nigerian men are so stingy so what do u expect from them
ReplyDeleteWith your stinky pussy, why won't they be stingy to you? You wey stingy to you toto wey cause am to dey smell, fool!
Delete😄😄😄😄😂😂😂, Stella what planet do your BVs come from??? I nust had a good laugh at anon 16. 07 reply.. Wetin this person do you now??
DeleteIs a lie!! Nigerian men are the most generous men in the world!! Why do u think all these foreign girls are trooping here? They are very generous. Go to UK and see useless men! Or America and see men who will call you a gold digger for asking them for even call credit. Is it Canada? Or those Europeans that the women have become so competitive TO shame the men? If Nigerian men aren't giving you money then they just don't think you're worth the space and time. Or your village head is against you. Nigeria is the EASIEST place to have guys give you free money. That's why foreign women love our men!!
Delete@chikito, u took the words out of my mouth! I married an American raised Nigerian (a decision I regret). This my husband fights with me and calls me a gold digger because I Constantly recommended that he gives me basic allowance for my monthly upkeep... Even if it's just $200. Infact everytime money would come up, we would Never get along, so I decided to stop mentioning anything finance to him and just took the obligation of taking care of my needs upon myself. Mind u that I relocated all the way from nigeria and was unable to work for months because I had just filed for my papers and was waiting for my work permit. In the US u can't work unless u have a work permit, green card or are a citizen. I was frustrated for months but I got used to it and moved on. At the moment we are currently seperated because the emotional abuse became too much and I have no intentions Of going back to live with him anytime soon. Luckily I have my work permit now and I'm working currently. In summary, a man who gives and takes care of his woman is a blessing to her. Women if u have a man like that, never take his open hands for granted
DeleteNigerian men are not stingy, you just have to meet the right man
DeleteAnonymous 22:54...that's why I advise men to marry their type...forget this love across the Atlantic ocean. I'll also call you worse names if I was in his shoes coz obviously you sound like money is the only thing that matters to you above all things. He takes care of you and the house & he still has to pay $200 salary just to appease you? Not even stipends occasionally but salary. A salary earner paying another person salary? Your greed is out of this world. You're even more foolish to seperate from a man who's filing for you...your work permit is just the tip of the iceberg in your lengthy immigration process. Bear in mind the reason you're allowed to reside and work is because of marriage, if the marriage has ended get ready to relocate back to Nigeria.
DeleteAnonymous 14:29...this is what happens when ashewo begins to form love to cover her tracks. He's quick to gbensh (no be you dey open smelly toto) but turns the other way when you "hint" your needs. You kuku tell say na trader by barter make him prepare him mind
DeleteAs a woman, I think you should cool it down with the constant men bashing.
ReplyDeleteAren't we the one clamouring for equal rights? Who determines what it entails and what it doesn't? Do you only choose to be a feminist and talk about all the women power mumbo jumbo when it's convenient for you? It's simple, if a man doesn't do it for you, do it yourself. Your papa no be man wetin he don do for you? Jeez!
Even the bible says "a man who can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel". So it is the duty and responsibilities of a man to care/provide for the woman, weather she's a millionaire or not.
ReplyDeleteDid you just spell "whether" as "weather"? Your own man should provide an English tutor for you, please.
DeleteWell, my wife is a staff in Agip, I'm GP, I still drop feeding money n give her allowance monthly, it's no big deal, that alone makes her humble to the core, even if I stray, she will fight u that came to gossip, she's Igbo, I'm Opobo,she calls me 'Nnayi' I know how to earn her respect, she earns more than me, I told her to save her money, let's spend mine, just incase, because I have very greedy brothers but my base is tight, they can't encroach. I don't know why few men these days are scared of being lords.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is a huge turn on..just knowing that real men still exist...
DeleteYou're a good man sir.
DeleteJames the pussy coman learn from a real man here.
DeleteWow
DeleteGbam!!
DeleteOga you nailed it....
21 Gun Salute Sir!
DeleteAs I was reading tru the comment I knew it was james....kikikikiki,i really wish to see this jemisi in real life....i am sure he is one small boy just here to catch fun with Yeye comment.
DeleteThe above anon is james
DeleteIdiots...this vagabond will cheat on you & pay you off & y'all are happy? Money is truly the root of all evil.
DeleteI am not James. You calling me a vagabond, I stray, yes but I am not foolish.
DeleteI feel offended that you accord such level of maturity and intelligence to James.. Biko come and apologise...
DeleteYou're actually stupendously foolish for bragging that you stray and control your wife with money.
DeleteYou do well jare!! Correct naija man
DeleteYou are a real man! But I hope u don't cheat on that woman because I feel like u will be using this as bribe to get away for the atrocities that u commit
DeleteEven if I am as rich as Queen Bey, my man must provide for me 100%. I no fit shout. I'm a Nigerian and this is my right
ReplyDeleteLolz
DeleteYou get right?
DeleteYou go Methu
That's why you don't have shishi...God isn't stupid. Continue gbenshing for N5000 and be fixing nails & hair like head witch of a coven, ewu
DeleteFool..go and report to FG
DeleteAnon 16:14 😂😂
DeleteLol this cracked me up . I have this same mentally too
DeleteYep just cos Kim has her money doesn't mean Kanye doesn't give her gifts and allowance
DeleteNo Stella,most women are the reason their men treat them the way they do,
ReplyDeletebecause they believe they can provide for themselves,thus they are perceived as "Miz Independent" thereby leaving the man with little or no reponsiblities at all in the relationship.
These are the duties of a man to his woman
1.TO PROVIDE(for her)
2.TO PROTECT(her from harm & danger)
3.TO PROFESS(his undying love 4 her)
A woman shouldn't be too strong and independent in a relationship even if you have everything ask him still
Because a man who isn't used to providing for his woman during courtship may still not provide for her in marriage.
Its not about how successful the woman is or has become in most cases.. A woman treats you according to the way you present yourself.. I doubt a woman will disrespect her man if he is a real man.. Imagine having someone like James for a husband.. Where will she start from?
DeleteOn point. I am in a relationship now where the man does nothing, even when I hint about my needs he looks the other way but is always quick to gbensh. I see him as a user and manipulator and have lost all respect for him. It's not that I want him to do everything for me, but at least show concern. For where? Na only to gbensh. I have no job and depend on my family and other little things I do here and there, he is working fine, yet no concern. He has never taken me out or bought me a gift. I have bought him gifts, no matter how small. Call nko? Na me dey do am. And he is so proud and arrogant. Na myself I blame, I am too quiet but I have had enough and I am a woman. Why will I not get attracted to another man who comes along and treats me better? I am beginning to wonder what kind of a husband such a stingy and selfish man will make. I will not wait to find out.
DeleteAnd all you ladies forming independent, you will only have yourself to blame. I am talking from experience. Don't think he is not spending his time, money and energy on another babe.
DeleteThese are the duties of a man to his woman;
Delete1.TO PROVIDE(for her)
2.TO PROTECT(her from harm & danger)
3.TO PROFESS(his undying love 4 her).
Madam, life is not a Steve Harvey book.
Thank you! My pastor adds: TO BE HER PROPHET. Spiritual leader, he means.
DeleteThe repaonsibility on men has been on from the fall of Adam. But many men ignore it these days. That's why there are richer women than in the past. Men are getting lazy.
Well said! No money, care and affection ... No love!
Delete1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
ReplyDeleteI can't categorically state where it is written that a man should provide for his family as it is not even specified in the verse above.
But the man has been placed as the head of the family and therefore is in charge. Of course, when it's time to shoulder responsibilities, the first person that comes to mind is the man who is the head.
Asides that, a man taking care of/providing for his woman/family attracts a whole lot of respect from his woman/family irrespective of the kinda person he is as a person.
Stella has been watching telemundo. From the sky - diego words to Marty it is what it is.
ReplyDeletestella the telemundo lady. i will come back to read comments
Loveme tender....
DeleteI was raised to know that men take care of their wives.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't know any other way.
I never bought anything for myself til I was in year 3 or so. After my IT. U wouldn't dare it in my house.
Bathroom slipper? U tell Daddy and u have it. U don't borrow and u don't lend out. Books? Same thing.
U receive cash pressies? It goes to Daddy. Nothing like I bought this with "my" money. Lol
And thankfully, The General shares the same mentality. Take care of ur woman,place her on a Salary. Make her happy.
But again i must add that some women chase their hubbies away with their plenty " I can take care of myself" mentality.
Each to his own though. But when it backfires,know u started it. I know someone who is married to a very rich guy,13 years now. who buys hers own cars and pays for her own hols when she travels with hubby. I got down to the bottom of it and it happened she was the one that started it. I never believed her stories till I saw her car receipt. And now it's too hard to go back.
A woman is wired to be pampered. And I love me some pampering. I love to be spoilt. I don't know about u.
Hahahhaha Infact my own is soo bad that I have never as much as bought a cell phone for myself. And no,I won't do my ChrirstMas shopping with "my" own money. I am better self now,cos before now,I feel more "loved" if he did d shopping by himself. Lol
And thankfully we share the same taste.
Let men be men and women be women.I do my own part by taking care of him and the kids. Real care.
And I must add by going to Church regularly. Cos if I don't go,na there yawa go burst😂
Okbye!
Liar. You live in such a fancy and you never disappoint me. I was like let me just scroll down I am sure that general wife will claim her hubby places her on salary and yup she did.
DeleteChai it is not easy been a broke wife because you sit and wait for everything. NNE ndo unugo
DeleteNwunye G, pls scroll down n give me ur candid advice. I'm the woman that wrote about being married for 10years. A stay at home mum. Oya scroll past ur comment and go drop ur advice inugo. Pls don't tell me to start baking cos I will just grow fat, biko i dont want to lose my sexy body it still trips my sweet hubby. I can't control my 'akpili' I'm a makeup artist, Iearnt from a bv at first then finetunned in Mac during last Summer vacation. I do it as a hobby so I do myself flawlessly.
Delete*Yawns*
DeleteYou, yes you who's reading this and thinking of creating discord in your home....Remember, everyone is 'happy' and their husbands is God's gift to humanity on social media. WISDOM IS PROFITABLE TO DIRECT O!
@ Anony 15:16,
DeleteLol @ baking.
Except it's for the house.LOL
My dear the truth is that not everyone is cut out for business. I am not. I have always wanted a 9 to 5 job. Or go into a more defined business sector,like own a school. Always fancied it.
Find out what u want. What u Really like to do. U are lucky u have an interest in Make-up. Then pursue it. I am a stay at-home wife and Mom and on a paid salary. And thankfully, I save well. Veryyy well. I hardly touch my salary. Even though I blow up a good amount when I am away for Summer. You know how it is with Summer holidays and shopping. Lol
I am currently job-hunting and when I tell people they laugh and ask me " who will afford to pay u" LOL
As if that's the sole purpose of working.
Point is: I have saved well over the years. And I am assuming u have too. With that money,I should think u can operate a successful make-up biz. Get a place or at least operate from the house. Do u even really need to get a shop sef? At least for now. I know a couole of good make up artists who don't have an office outlet. They land a job and they haul that their big black box into their car and off they go!
So do something u are passionate about. And which In turn earns u money.
I saw one very hawt mom of two in my salon sometime last three weeks or so. Didn't even know she was married,let alone have kids. Babe was shunning! On point make-up. Flawless!
I complimented her about her make-up and asked what powder she used and she told me. That's how I took her no even though I have promised myself I won't "waste" money anymore on make-up artists. I must learn! Lol
Don't u think if I Have a nice occasion,that I wouldn't be hiring that chick to do my make-up?
And u know the going rate? So my dear, u already have a skill and one which u enjoy. Use it.
I agree! I grew up the same way, my dad provided me till I finished university and he bought me my first car. I can't ever rem when a time when my mum lacked she was taken care of, We never lacked, every year we went on vacations overseas, he would provide money for my mum and all of us. my mum also worked too, so she was making her money. In summary, women deserve to be treated good
DeleteStella I love you for this post. Some men...yes African men think that since we're both making money there's no need spending on her. So wrong and so annoying!
ReplyDeleteWhat have you spent on him? Pot calling kettle black
DeleteSame topic different days ....
ReplyDelete*yawns*
Men should learn how to spoil their wiffy no matter how rich and successful she could be.
ReplyDeleteI was dating a guy that was so stingy, he never gives me money and gifts, on his bday I bought him gifts n when we went out for his bday that night I paid all the bills ( NB I v never eaten his money o) after his bday everything about our relationship changed he started buying me gifts (expensive ones) he ll even send money to his bro abroad to buy me things, clothes,shoes, perfs everything designers, and one day he told me he has never ever given a woman money b4 or buy anyone gifts b4 but since he met me all that changed....
ReplyDeleteMy point is so time pipo are stingy or the way they are due to their orientation,
U don't have to keep complaining to change someone, sometimes all u need is to treat those stingy pipo wt love and care maybe no one has done that to them b4!
We broke up since 2012 and and still wearing the clothes and shoes he bought for me and even gold jewelries
Why una cum brkup na?
DeleteNice one auntynne.
DeleteAre you indirectly advertising that you need someone to change your wardrobe since you're still wearing same clothes from 2012
DeleteSince 2012? I can understand gold jewelry. Otherwise nne, change wardrobe please
DeleteChioma okere,y did your birthday post just disappear yesterday like rapture?Some of your old telco colleagues came 2 sdk 2 wish u a happy birthday but cld not find u,someone said on d post dat ur blog handle's nmasinachi.Also wondered y u changed ur name 2 Lola omo or r u now married 2 a yoruba man?God's good,finally u sef don turn mrs
DeleteI have too many clothes, wear some like twice a year, I even have new clothes that are more than 8 months in my box and I have now wore them, when I say since 2012 i v nt wore them more than 5 times dear....
DeleteI have 4 big boxes full of clothes, two big Ghana must go, and medium Ghana must go for night wears
Abeg no yab my Ghana must go bag o
Hahhahaha
I ve been married for 10yrs. Was working before I joined Dh,ever since I joined him I ve not worked. He has a very good job. Now I'm so used to being my kids nanny n teacher that I find it difficult to let someone else do anything for me like getting a househelp or a lesson teacher and the truth is that I see the good effect on my kids .I ve three kids who are still in nursery and primary. Once you see my kids you will know they are well taken care of. Academically,they are very good because of my effort in drilling them once they come back from school. My husband provides everything for us, I mean my Dh is made in heaven.I lack nothing by Gods grace, he placed me on monthly salary aside the joint accounts we ve together. I look way better than people that work infact people think I'm a senator's wife. Lol My problem now is that I read on this blog all the time that a woman should have something doing but the truth is that I'm afraid once I start something I won't ve quality time for my kids again. Meanwhile, hubby is indifferent about me doing something albeit he's enjoing the stay at home wife I am cos he keeps praising the way I take care of the home . Please I need advice from mature people should I keep working in my house or u should find some other job and hire people to run my home
ReplyDeleteMy dear if your husband is quite comfortable and pays you salary, just be prudent with your spending. Try to save as much as you can from your salary and continue with the good work you are doing with your kids. If many parents had it easy financially, they would want to do same as you. Careers come and go but family is forever and at the same time the foundation with which you raise your child matters. If all parents were there to put their children in the right path, child molestation/abuse would be decreased greatly. Never feel less cos you are not working. To each his/her marriage. Never allow anyone define you.the best and greatest achievement of any mother is raising her children right and protecting them from harm at all times. Again I say, hold your head high. Am proud of you.
DeleteDon't go and look for trouble oh. If its not something you can do in front of your house after doing your regular chores, NNE stay where you are oh!!!! Your hubby keeps coming home and doing all the things for you because you make everything easy for him... You give him. Conducive environment to think well and re-energize. He might stop coming home when everywhere is scattered.
DeletePls try your hands on business, even if you have to do whatever you have to do till close of school when you handover to your staff.. I say this because things can turn around in the twinkle of an eye and then you will start struggling to provide for your kids.. Now my point is its not just about feeling useful elsewhere apart from your home, you will be skilled at what you do and can handle whatever comes your way without thinking of sleeping around to feed your little ones.. My husband also provides for me but i insisted on doing something for myself because of what i have seen and learnt from othwr women's experience.. All tbe best my sister.
DeleteAnony dear,
DeleteLol. I am just seeing ur comment. I already answered u up there. U know for a moment I thought I was the one that wrote this just that my moniker is missing and I have never worked before I joined the General.
My dear,I made a pact with myself. Not necessarily a pact so to say. Let's just say I was born a home-maker.No one wil take care of my kids for me. I do everything myself. All by myself. Yea I have a maid but she only handles the house work. I don't combine house work and nanny work. Even when I had a nanny,it was just for holding the baby while I cooked. I have errands,I go with her. Not that she wasn't trusted, no. The best out there. Was with me for 5 years or so before she left to get married. I do everything myself. Cook,market, and the kids business is solely my business. I have bathed my kids morning,afternoon and night for 8 years. No nanny has done that for me. Save for a few times I was in the hospital to have a baby. Feeding? I do myself. Sterilising their stuff? I do it. Down to making their beds. Lol. U don't make my kids' beds. Anywhere they go,I must be there. Parties and all. It's just a way of life for me.The only thing I don't do is iron their clothes. I have an Ironing man.
School drop off,it's me. Pick up, it's me. Be grateful for what u have. My driver,though a sensible young guy, but I don't dig him solely cos I just want "alone time" for me and my kids. Especially dying school pick up and drop offs.U know the chatter and all😀
Go to the salon,it's me. Home work and All,it's still Mommy.
It's hard work my dear and can be over-whelming sometimes but then God's Grace has kept me.
And no,I don't look at what others have or listen to what they say cos my dear,frankly I choose the best path for me. I am happy,The General is. And more importantly my kids are. I was bathing my second daughter just yesterday and she hugged me and said "Thank you Mommy for bathing me"
It might mean nothing to u cos u and I cos we are used to it. I am bone-tired at the end of the day and daz why They go to bed between 6:30 and 6:45 pm and after prayers,they tell me they love me. It makes everything worthwhile. The craziness,the tears, the time-outs,the fights,the shouting,the grooming,the continuous teaching.
I know someone who told me she hasn't bathed her three kids more than 20 times combined. She was almost in tears as she told me that. She works and Her eldest is about 9. So u see? Be content with what u have and envy no one. Walk ur own path. I consoled her by telling her to look at the money in her bank and smile. You can't have it all.
My last baby starts school in Septemeber so I have bn job-hunting. And if u ask me,No! I wouldn't have had it any other way. My kids first! My friends joke that if I was working, my boss would have kindly asked me to pls go home and be with my kids😀
So my dear, never take what u have for granted. Ok? You are doing perfectly fine! 100%
Like I said above,find soemthing that won't encroach on ur time with ur family. And whatever u do,pls don't hire anyone to run ur home. Don't!
Sending u and I warm hugs and plenty kisses💋
Hmmm.... Why not register a property company and start selling houses? Yes! If you have connects become a property agent. Very easy. You schedule your viewings when kids are in school or weekends when hubby is at home. Viewing doesn't take more than one hour. You finalize payments get your cut and give their key. I know someone who was in your situation in Abuja and this is what she started doing. And property biz is one-off money. Everything at your convenience.
DeleteDo whatever u want! But keep in mind that it's good to have a plan B incase things go wrong, what if ur husband loses his job or something happens and he can no longer be a bread winner? Then u talking of two jobless pple at home with financial obligations and don't even talk about savings cos it's not a valid excuse. Get a job or simply start a business
DeleteGood guy you've got there,pls cherish him and learn how to save,I you can Google smart money with arese and be financially savvy while you bring up your kids,always live below your means and help hubby invest wisely and while he is at it,kindly suggest that he buys as Mr and Mrs,stay at home and to care of your kids,dont try to pressure him as regards property but try and keep abreast of what happens in d real world,God will keep him and your fears will never materialize while you know the joy of training your kids on your own.
DeleteI really find this topic very interesting.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend/husband who does not give me money because he believes i;m working even when i have not been paid for the past three months, he still believe that i don't need money.
Joy
Friend/husband is this 1 person or 2 people you're talking about here?
DeleteNot again please.
ReplyDeleteLike this my girlfriend of 4 years, that I cant remember giving me anything at all. Well i use to think that i am extravagant when it comes to ladies, but so far, ive noticed i can see a nice cloth that will fit her and suddenly remember that i have a debt to pay or something to buy for the house. As much as it is proper you take care of your lady, is any rule against her buying you something other than boxer and singlet... talk about being stingy.
ReplyDeleteNna, talk it over with her now.…. When someone does something you do not like... You discuss about it. 4yrs and you prefer to tell USA haba!!!
DeleteThere's nothing wrong in gifting each oda,even wen u r super rich...know wat ur spouse likes n gets for him or her,it could b a paid vacation to d carribean or nirimbu😉. A gift could b cash,kind😉etc. Know wat works for ur spouse n pls don't copy anybody's cos it might not end well.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong in gifting each oda,even wen u r super rich...know wat ur spouse likes n gets for him or her,it could b a paid vacation to d carribean or nirimbu😉. A gift could b cash,kind😉etc. Know wat works for ur spouse n pls don't copy anybody's cos it might not end well.
ReplyDeleteA man should from time to time spoil his wife...
ReplyDelete