NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
RELOCATING WITHOUT THE 'HORSEBAND'
Hello Stella please help me put this up on your chronicles page.i need the advice of your bvs.
Dear bvs,please advise me on what to do.i'm in the UK with my horseband,he is running his masters program which he will round up by July I.e next month.I joined him in January 2015,he is on Student study visa and I am dependent on him.Our Visa is expiring by August and we stand the chance of going back home.
Truth is,this man is very violent to me.I suffer all kinds of abuse physically and emotionally but I have never called the system on him because I do not want this to tear our family back home apart and secondly I don't want it to look like he brought me over here and I want to use the system against him(that is what they always say).
I'm really going through a lot ,he stops every chances of me getting a job,I'm just existing.what is even giving him the kick is because I've not called the police for him neither have I threatened to.
I see him becoming worse if we ever relocate back home .I don't want to go back to Nigeria and continue this kind of lifestyle with him,besides I left my good paying job in Nigeria to come and be with him and now this is what I get in return.i don't want to go back empty handed.Infact I don't want to continue this marriage anymore for the fear of being killed.
Please dear bvs,what do I do in other to extend my visa and stay back without him?
Will the home office possibly do that without him,since I came through him.
Is it possible that the home office allows someone like me that has never worked in the UK stay back.i have less than 400 pounds as my life savings.
Please Ma use your red pen.All cusses and advises are welcome.thank you.
I dont know much about this honey.
......................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
MANIPULATIVE MOTHER IN LAW.
Stella,
I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful man(dont care about cheating) and responsible father to my kids.
I am not really an outgoing person so i dont have need for money per se, i travel once a year and shop the little i need, not into designers too though can afford them.
I have recently noticed that my mother inlaw is very manipulative, when we are trying to put money down for something she comes up with a need and if it is not met within a week she starts calling people and starts bad mouthing her son.
It wont have been an issue if the guy was that rich, he is comfortable but i have more assets which generates money and he manages the money that accrues from it. Imagine the woman asking the son to buy a car for her when he has just one and i have two.
she cant drive and also expects a driver.
While i try to be prudent so the kids can have the best education, the son always yields to her demand and takes from the saved up money. my parents are okay so we dont give them anything except Christmas.
My mother inlaw has a business, collects monthly allowance and lives in a property bought by us. I know he is her son but sometimes the demands are outrageous, like she wants new generator because she doesnt believe in repairing, she wants gold because she attends club meeting......
Stella and commenters, my question is should i start keeping tab of my finances myself because it seems the woman thinks all the money comes from her son and living in a fools paradise.
*My dear start keeping tabs of your money ASAP and hopefully you handle it well so that it doesnt cause any problems between you and hubby dearest!
Brb
ReplyDeletePoster2, is your mother inlaw from edo??? Cos that story sounds like she's a typical edo woman. Very possessive and manipulative pple. Edo pple on the blog, be free to come and menstruate under this comment.
Delete@ poster one your best bet is to get pregnant with that your case will be complicated for the authority. That means you have a commitment in UK. Also why do you want your man to labour in vain. ...please forgive him and make it work. Don't be an ungrateful woman, he loves you that's why he invited you to England .Seun
DeleteThat was how my husband told my sister inlaw to thank me for financing the foundation of our new house, and d woman called me to tell me how he knows my husband earns well aside his salary. I just smiled and said yes ma. My husband was angry when I told him, he has resolved that everything we buy must be in my name, even if it's pin, it must be in my name.
DeletePoster 2: Secure your tomorrow and your children's future, the woman doesn't know the financial standard of his son and like you said he is living in fools paradise and you need not be victim of her dream. Take charge of what is yours with wisdom.
Delete@anon..17:22 which juju man been prepare the charm give u ? The one u dey carry hold your husband ? I need am abeg
DeletePoster 2, Pls receive sense abeg!!!
DeleteSo you even know you husband is a cheating man, yet you entrusted all your properties in his hands? What if he meets women/ladies like "Queen and bus of this blog" who use Juju to collect money from men and wreck them? So you will now come back and cry blue murder on chronicles? Have you ever thought of what could happen to your kids' future? Hian!!!, biko receive sense again.
Now your MIL, what if hubby dies(God forbid). She will work her arse out (with Juju possibly) to ensure she collects all the money and she will never believe the were yours originally.
What if even you die?(God forbid again)? She will work so hard to bring in another woman like her clubbing self to squander the money, and suffer your kids as well. By that time, it will be difficult for your parents to claim what was yours!!! Do you think at all??
What is wrong with women???? You are doing it for love abi?? Continue, I hope your children gets to forgive you if things go wrong!!
My two cents...
Poster 2, that your MIL is just like my friends mum.
DeletePlease start managing your finances yourself ooo.
Poster 1, get pregnant.
Chronicle welcome.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... some time ago, Stella put up a post where omotala jalade said her husband does the shopping, and asked bv's if it's right or wrong. Almost all the bv's said their husband does the shopping for them too. So who are those participating in SnM saying they want serious relationships???
Delete#badass_chic
Poster,i work with the Home office in uk amd you have a very good chance of staying. Firstly,can you make a secret recording of the abuse?you can even go to anyhospital.behund the toilet doors there are numbers to call for domestic violence. Once they take up your case,its fight to finish.but with all the refugee situation,you will need concrete proof.thus my asking you to record.u can then state your life would be in danger if u return home
DeleteHahhahah....you dey mind them. Most of them are married in the marine kingdom....
DeletePoster 1, I'm surprised you had to wait this long to come out and ask for advice. What have you been doing with yourself all these while? The visa runs out in July,if you make reports now, they will ask you why you kept quiet until this last minute. Like the advicer at the top said, get concrete evidence before you make any move. Talk to your GP, open up when ever you are there and they will give you numbers to call or check Google domestic abuse. You will get numbers to call. Getting a stay with what you explain now is pure miracle but it's worth trying. I'm not advising you to provoke the man first for him to beat you up o in order for you to get evidence. You need to put things in motion before the visa run out but like I said, don't provoke the man in order to get excuses. Secondly why have you never worked since you came. Maybe you get person to feed you and if it's this same husband dt has been feeding you, becareful not to lie against him.
DeleteAnon18:32, did you consider the consequences of the advice you are giving so that the poster can stay put in the UK while her husband may go to jail? You could see it clearly that her major issue is that she wants to stay over which makes her look for all these excuses. Poster, I know people who have gone this route you are trying to go, the endpoint is not always good.
DeleteAnon 17:00 na today you know this blog? Leave matter.
DeleteHmmmmmm!
ReplyDeleteObianuju why na? At least you could have tried to find out why I was offline before taking the hard line. Please re- add..you know who it is. Remember the chat about Naza..here is my pin 7BFA92B4
Delete#Obianujucomebackplease
Poster one am reading comments cos I don't know anything about your case.
ReplyDeleteMil brouhaha... maybe she needs to know what your source is or your hubby needs to man up!
ReplyDeleteSome Mother inlaws ish! Hmmmmm
ReplyDelete@Poster 1, don't know how to advice you cos I don't know anything about the system over there, but please try as much as possible to stay over there.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, abeg keep your money to yourself joor, are you people using joint account? Also, don't make it obvious so that people will know you're doing it because of your MIL
*Larry was here*
Abeg make una advice poster one, I would be happy for u if u stayed back since domestic violence is part of d problem, cos once u land naija, u will turn into sand bag for training.
ReplyDeleteOrisirisi. Advice haff lost.
ReplyDeletePoster two just start keeping tabs of your money, when her son has no money then he will stop buying things for her
ReplyDeletePoster 2,
ReplyDeleteDon't be a Mugu!...
You better start keeping your money your self!,..
Don't allow these people to turn use you!...
Shine your eyes...
What about poster1 that her husband is using as a punching bag before a boxing match? What's your advice violence woman? Poster one is really hurting though, she needs our help before the motherfucker kill her. Call a police on him bitch, and quit acting like the fake ass pretended Christians wen full this blog. I'm so fucking sick of those pussy lazy ass motherfucker niggas that thinks that the only way to resolve disagreements at home is by hurting their wives. If a man abuse my daughter because his parents are well to do shit! I will hurt him! I hurts his parents too. Madam call the police and have him remove from the house asap! Fuck shits! Abeg Stella nor use my comments take make owo soup with yam/plantain for LaFresh husband o. Biko .
DeleteObianuju why na? At least you could have tried to find out why I was offline before taking the hard line. Please re- add..you know who it is. Remember the chat about Naza..here is my pin 7BFA92B4
Delete#Obianujucomebackplease
@1, u are a foolish woman for not calling the authority on him, y do u care abt what people will say, if u know wat I good for u, don't come back home with him, do everything possible to remain in the UK, report him for abuse cos dat will help u in staying there.
ReplyDelete@2, can't believe women like u still exist, u are asking us if u should should start keeping tab of ur finances, dat is a Dumb question, wait until he milks u dry, Na dat time ur eye go clear, am sure u are d one dat sponsored ur marriage so u are doing everything possible to keep d man by handling over ur money to him.
U were so much in a hurry to come and say rubbish that you couldn't check your English. Handle your English well before you come here to shade.
DeleteTruth is, poster 1 can use the husband's abusive nature to her advantage, but she says she doesn't want the police involved, there's nothing else you can do dear. If you do change your mind, report him to the police and call shelter for domestic abused women, they will guide you through.
DeletePoster 1, I stay in d uk, u better report this guy nd stay back cos if u come to Naija with him, he will so beat u that u will regret not calling d cops nd authority on him nd yes consult a lawyer to seek a better opinion nd provoke him to hit u bfor ur visa expire o, better b smart cos tomatoes cost for Naija o lol
DeleteFrom poster one's narrative she is a big liar. If you don't want to be in the marriage again why not just come back home and let the guy be? Something is just not right with your story. Has he been abusive before he went to the UK or the whole stuffs just started after he got there? If you answer yes, then you lied because am sure that your husband knows the law in the country he is in and won't start what he didn't do in Nigeria where he can get away with it. So if you don't want him again, fine come back with him and divorce.
Delete1) I think you should get that man arrested plz. Stop making excuses why you shouldn't get him arrested and punished for being a bastard.
ReplyDeleteOr you get a divorce there, get a job and custody of your kids. There's nothing for you here in Naija to come back to oo, be wise!
2) I think you should start taking records of your money madam. She might think say na her son get all the money oo hence the demands. Pele
Kids kwa?
Delete@ poster 2 is like your mother in law is from Anambra st.
ReplyDeleteBe wise with her & hubby.
I pray that God will give you wisdom to act without any issue from them.
Chai Poster 1 sorry for you. Lets wait for our uk visitors to tell you how to go about it. My dear you will just die for nothing. BETTER CALL THE POLICE ON HIM and then divorce your HORSEBAND.
ReplyDeletePoster 2... you still dey fall for MUMU after 15 years of marraige. Your own parents na once in a year you give them gift.. YOUR MUMU DON DO.
Better start asking for difficult things from your horseband. Start collecting big money and tell him you have a project you want to do for your children. DONT GIVE YOUR MOTHER INLAW the chance. SHE IS A THIEF
Poster 1...You need to call the authorities on him when next he does it. Press charges and they will put you in a shelter home for women suffering abuse from their partners. That's about the only way you can remain here even after they send him home. And through that they will grant you your stay if you tell them you can't go back to him and your life and that of your children are at risk if you go back to your country with him. I work in a law firm and have seen this work for women genuinely suffering abuse from a partner. Good luck and the sooner you leave him the better...for your sanity and life and that of your children too.
ReplyDeleteDon't you think it's too late. She only has 2 months left. In between those two months are people expecting him to mess up, beat her up, she calls the cops, go to shelter file all the necessary paperwork before then. I think it's too late. She Kept quiet for too long, now that it's dawn on her where she is going bck to a place where she will have no backbone, now she is thinking
DeleteMa'am I am so sorry you are going through this. Contact a lawyer ASAP if you are serious about following through with this in 2 months. But you need evidence. Sadly if he behaves himself next two months, there is probably no options. If you are serious, next opportunity use it!
Poster 2: What sort of nonsense trust is that? You have the chunk of money used and you dont even know when it is taken out and what it is spent on? Women are just gullible. For the sake of yourself and kids put a lid on things you execute with your cash. If his mother wants a car let him use his money and buy for her, when her demands cant be met by him no more he will caution himself that money is hard to spend recklessly when its from your sweat. He is not feeling it because you are taking the cut and he is taking the glory. Let him take the cut and the glory will become too expensive for him to bear.
ReplyDeletePoster take this advice serious
DeletePlus your husband is not complaining because he's happy to spend your money,I won't be surprised if the house she lives in was bought in his name alone
I love this advice I beg!!!
DeleteThat is how you will give advice that will push her away from her matrimonial home
DeleteOk chronicles tide o. May God help all of u to see positive replies Amen!
ReplyDeleteNa wao!!!! Let me wait for comments
ReplyDelete@poster two, i dont have much to tell you here..but i can help you with some few points which can help you decide well..Here goes:
ReplyDeleteQualities of A good businessman/Manager/Entrepreneur/sole-proprietor:
1) Ability to keep records
2) Ability to separate business from pleasure or family
3) Ability to make good and wise decisions which would improve the business,thus taking it to A higher level
4) Ability to make profit,hence generating more income with the business at hand
5) Ability to make expenditure not to be more than income
Go through the above,read,understand and make your decision..Good Luck!!
@MARTINS ABOY
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAll these joint acc matters, never good esp whenn one spouse has more liabilities than the other. If u start to monitor now e go cause wahala so my advice, leave am
ReplyDeletePoster 1: Don't know much about your issue. Hope you get good and practical advice from others. If the visa cannot be extended, pls tryto get a job or buiness as soon as you get back. Do not attempt getting pregnant again and eliminate fear. You can always start again without him. Life should be lived not endured.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Pls put eye heavily in your finances. Remove that power from your hubby immediately. What's up with the silly trust and helplessness. Who knows if your hubby and mum are coniving to drain your pockets as a way of controlling you. Why can't your hubby say no, why give his mum the wrong impression and you are there indulging them. These demands will never stop until you put your foot down.
Mama have turned you to a rival over her son's assumed finances, and could be seeing you as a priviledged leech. Pls, gain back control of your money, you are lucky you are not broke. Mama doesn't like you and you are under no obligation to cater to her every whim....marrying her son is not a favour done you. If anything happens to you, hubby and mama will move on fast. Shine your eyes and snap out of the pettiness of a selfish woman.
Find a way to talk to hubby about taking full control of your business..... i don't know how you are going to do it, he is your husband, figure it out. Maybe increase the figures of your spending, instigate more projects, initiate more investments and savings to divert money available for hubby to send to his mum. Your hubby needs to learn to say No the hard way. Many men have ruined their home and lives, creating resentments and strains through actions like this. Also, do not make reference to the fact that his Mom's attitude is the catalyst for the change. Cook up an excuse. If he turns violent, abusive,withdrawn or becomes petty, then you know it's all about your money the whole way...the more reason to lock up. Do it for yourself, do it for your children, do it fast..... economy no good and the men are not loyal at all. Goodluck!
Pls Ladies keep ur money to urself. U can av a joint account with ur hubby whereby u guys pays in some amount for house expenses but u should av ur business money separated from ur hubby own. If d man notices u want to separate d finances, he may start acting funny, he may even steal from u, so u av to use ur brain in doing so to avoid troubles.
ReplyDeleteWhen one says "spouse" one is talking about "life partner"; husband or wife. If one has chosen above (all men or) ladies to live with "this fellow' as a life partner in love; then love is all about sharing. When one say "my husband's money" or "my money" is it not an anomaly? when one shares everything intimate (including sex); if they can't have funds together; where is the oneness? Hasn't the aim of marriage been defeated? The issue of oneness is in sharing everything. The excuses many give is "I don't trust her to know how much I earn or am worth". If one is a follower of Christ; who did Jesus give "his wallet"; was it not Judas? How much trust did Jesus have for Judas? These are some of the issues that intending spouses should define in courtship.
ReplyDeleteOn a personal note; my husband and I had a common "account" from the moment I accepted to marry him. He decided to put me in charge of every financial spending. He makes contributions and there is no issues about that. There is no account that we have had since marriage that bears one person's name and the mandate is "either to sign". WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT "HIS MONEY" "MY MONEY" hasn't the purpose of marriage been defeated?
Finances usually breeds quarrel among couples and the taste of the pudding is in the eating. Married for more than a decade an NEVER ARGUED is our testimony by the grace of God. When there is concealment of finances, the lady makes demands, suspect the husband of keeping a concubine etc. But when the two are open to each other in the way described above; thee will be no room for mutual suspicion!
A couple we know lived financially apart. The man is reasonably well to do but the wife dared not ask or "take his money". He gave her "handout" of money from time to time; monthly allowances etc. All his businesses were solely in his name. He took ill and his doctor gave him a damning health verdict and he had a surgery fixed. He knew that he may not come out of the theater alive. He quickly summoned his wife and took her to all his accounts and made it Joint and she could sign. Made his kids 'next of kin" in all the accounts and re-registered all his businesses with the wife's name inclusive. Even the financial aspect of the surgery and bills, the wife was in charge. He told her, "If I do not come out of the theater alive, sell all the exotic cars and keep just two" etc. IT WAS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF THE WIFE TAKING "HIS MONEY"; THE WOMAN WAS IN CHARGE. He confessed certain misdeeds to the lady and they prayed together and he got into the theater. AFTER 9 HOURS OF SURGERY, the news came . . . he survived it! It was this singular experience that changed his attitude towards family finances as concerns his wife. She knew about every penny that dropped or left the "family business" as it became.
Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." (Luke twelve vs. fifteen)
Jesus !! Who died and made u town crier ???What are U on about ??? So long a read ... Abeg I don jump and pass
DeleteBest advice since far, unlike those telling her how she will be a single mother. Poster 1 be wise
DeleteLady Igho welcome. Why have you stopped signing out with your name? Abi SDK bullies don enter you?
DeleteDear Poster 2, since u have two cars give ur MIL one na
ReplyDeleteposter 1, I dont why i feel you are not saying the whole truth. do you want the government to deport him and leave you behind? weldone
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly. Poster 1, it seems you have made up your mind that you don't want to go to nigeria again and as the time is getting closer, you need an excuse. The mistake you made is not reporting the violence right from the very beginning. Your best bet for now is to go see a lawyer. You have not worked before so I wonder how you can foot the bill. It took me 10 years to get my stay so I know what I'm talking about. If you have nothing to rely on, don't bother making any report now cos it might complicate your issue considering the immigration problems and for the fact that you have not contributed to the society by working or paying any tax whether legal or illegal. Talk to people, seek legal advice before you make a move you will regret. A lot of ppl regret coming to England but it's late to go back home. I came in my late 20s, it took me 10 years to get settled. By then chances had left me behind. I have the money but its been difficult to get married or start a family so be careful.
DeleteThank you, exactly my thought
Delete"My money', "his money"; are you two married or wearied?
ReplyDeletePoster one, well done! You had better come back home with your mumu self. So you close eyes leave your better job for one prick smh. Whether you call police or not, he will still treat you that same way when you guys come back so start calling the police now.
ReplyDeletePoster two, please keep your money separately biko. Wicked mother-in-laws everywhere. After enjoying their marriage, they won't allow their kids/ others enjoy theirs.
narrative 1:
ReplyDeleteIt will be very hard for you to stay illegally.
HO will send you guys back. Because he is not settled and not a british citizen i.e he's on visa too
It would be wrong of me to stay you should continue continue staying here without a valid status.
Nigeria is the only option
POSTER 1.....I REALLY DONT KNOW what to say to you, isn't it better to call the system on him so he can be put in check than this your rescue plan??? oyibo land dey sweet you.
ReplyDeletePOSTER 2.....this your question is the answer to your problem o. your MIL thinks her son is dangote hence the demands, keep tab on ur finance, when she demands and he doesn't see any money to give, he would be able to explain. I DONT BLAME your MIL, she thinks you are enjoying alone so make she sef enjoy, she wan reap the fruit of her labour but she nor know say d labour never bear better fruits yet, her son shud make her know.
Poster 1, I hope you have good character. I hope you did not have bad manners and bad mouth. Bcos ur horseband did not marry you in order to abuse you..
ReplyDeletePoster 2, are you kidding me?
U want ur horseband to abandon his poor mother?
What is wrong in his own mother having a car? Is it an abomination?
Is she not the one that had him and trained him up till adulthood?
Start managing ur own money and he will also start keeping his own separately. Don't be surprised if you find yourself in your father's house in a short time.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteJames u are a fool, and yes ask some1 to explain wat I just said. So she should use her money to buy her MIL a car abi. James I'm sure it is a woman that is feeding you.. Born by busted condom. You a re a waste. Only if men were gods. I'ld have retired ur life away a long time ago. Idiotic comments all the time.
DeleteI started reading the comment before I checked your id.....do you know I could tell from the foolish comment that it was by James talking.....I just went and scrolled up and saw James.....I'm like....I'm an SD bv....I'm can't be wrong!!!!James.....receive sense IJN!!!
Deleteside eyes @ the 2 chronicles....
ReplyDeleteSend her one of your cars.
ReplyDeleteBut koko is shes gonna need something else soon again. Talk to your hubby, tell him you want to start a trust fund for your kids education up till masters level and as such you are even willing to sell one of your cars.
Pls people will tell u all auch as per your money but u guys have been ok for 15yrs and dont let this whole thing escalate.
He touches saved up money? Not good. Tell him saved up money is for a purpose and as auch shouldnt be touched except its a life threatening issue.
Let his mum manage her allowance and money from her business. Seems ur hubby sef no get mind, he should talk to his mum na. I dont like men that arnt diplomatic jor.
If na me, i would just form broke for my mum and even ask her to borrow me money sef. Thank God for buhari now, just tell her change has taken over so no money to use for laulau.
Poster 1, rem u ve just 400 pounds abeg no waste am for lawyer ooo,use the small money to take care of ur self here and the remaining to buy chocolate and biscuit for neighbours and relations wen u come bk...lool
DeletePoster 2- love ur mil more, spend on her if u ve it,she is nt wicked, aside ur joint acct learn to save tooo esp for unforeseen circumstances...u ve a good marriage dnt spoil it...
Poster 1, I doubt u can get a visa. Buh go to citizen's advice beureau in your city council building. They will give u the info dey hv.
ReplyDeleteI feel u, its quite scary. Do d best u can and also google. U cld hv had more leverage if ur husband has a record wt d police and u a victim of violence. U cld hv even gone to dem charities and registered den maybe start seeking asylum.
Do u hv kids?, more leverage.
Sorry for ur pains, its sad.
Na wah.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the 2nd Chronicle and commenting, i just flashed the life of my mum and her daughter-in-laws and my siblings...i just had to come back and thank God for giving me my mum. Shes a super woman and God pls make me do all i wanna do for her. 😊
ReplyDeleteShes always there for everyone, adopting kids upandan and the funny thing is she can support my SIL ehn..kai.
Off to send her a lovely text
Aaawwww
DeleteTell her a stranger here is wishing her long-life and prosperity. It shall be well with her.
@iphie
DeleteShe will hear. Thanks and you too
Poster 2
ReplyDeleteU need wisdom
Hubby might start suspecting that u have ulterior motive if he finds out u are saving secretly.
No Nigerian will be angry with u for calling police if ur hubby beats u. Tell anyone who says otherwise that do they want the man to kill u first? If he beats u again, call police. So long as u don't travel to naija soon, u can remain in uk.with time, u will get residence permit
ReplyDeletePoster two manage your money myself ooo.
ReplyDeleteTake charge of ur money or else....
ReplyDeleteMIL wahala though,my MIL has been complaining I don't call her and I call her once in a month to wish her happy new month but she is not satisfied,please Bvs o how often do one call MILs?everyday?once a week or two weeks?am really confused o,i don't even call my parents like I call her everymonth,my parents always do the calling.
ReplyDeleteAbeg once in a month it's OK jor,all this MIL and their wahala self.why is she complaining self can't she call?abi na only u gud to call her hisses.
DeletePlease try and call more often, once a month is poor naa. I call my MIL regularly, and if I don't call her she will call me so it goes like that. One love.
DeleteAs soon as you think about them , you should call ... But since you call JUST once a month , am guessing you don't like this your MIL very much .
DeleteQuick one - how often do you call your own mother ??
It's only God that will deliver us from in-laws wahala no matter how careful one is they still find a fault.
DeleteMenstral period DIL. Hahahahaha. Call her more often, infact try and form a relatnshp with her. If u love ur hubby u must love whoever raised him. My mum didnt like my SIL before but now she even donated blood to her during delivery, dis is bcos d girl was always in my mums face cooking and gisting. Now dey are in love, lol. Altho her own mother is a real pain in d butt sha make I no lie, my broda dey try.
DeletePoster 2...if your husband has the money, allow him to spoil the mother. When your husband was a child and demanded for tomtom, did his mother not give him tomtom. Did she buy kolanut instead of tomtom to give him?
ReplyDeleteYou have peace in your home...right? But as usual, you want to somehow spoil it because you cannot believe how peaceful things are. When you see your husbands mother as your mother, you will treat her well.
If you have the money, is there anything wrong in spoiling her for bringing up such a lovely man as a husband to you, there are women out there with wayward husband and wicked mother-in law.
My dear, stop looking for trouble where there is none. You have been able to save money for your kids all these while. You can talk to your husband to be reasonable in spending but don't do anything that will cause chaos in the family.
Because very soon when you spoil your marriage with your hands, you will omit your part and start blaming innocent single girls of taking your husband and spending so much on your mother-in law.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Correct...
DeletePlease poster 2, enjoy your marriage and see MIL as yours, spend unlimited for her please.
Haba!!!!!!
Don't compare your home with another person oooo...
Thank you jooor,wht is car, If you ve it, do it for her urself and c d reward am sure that lady has sence...meanwhile also learn how to save on ur own....u ve a peaceful home dnt distroy it dear just caution dh wit humility of u Guys expenses....
DeleteMake I wait for comments first. But for the first post, I smell some tricky movement, u just desire to stay back, that's all I perceived
ReplyDeleteYes oo, poster 1 is selfish and tricky, she just wants to stay back using that as an excuse,was he not beating u while u were in Nigeria before u went abroad to meet him?abeg stop lying jor.
DeleteMy dear Poster 1... Unfortunately, you can't stay back in the UK because you're a dependent.. Even your husband cannot prolong his stay. He needs to relocate back home. The reason is that, the system has scrapped off post study visa .
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I'll advise you to go back home ASAP because it's not that rosy here. I came for my masters 5 years ago and got a job afterwards. My visa ran out since 2014, I've been appealing and they've been bouncing me. All my classmates we did masters together all went back home , now they've got good jobs back home. I've stayed 2 years without papers, without a job, without anything. At the moment I'm even squatting free of charge because I can't pay any bills. But I'm a medical personnel.
I'm thinking of going back home but where do I start from? Who's going to give me the job connections?
My advice is that you go home ASAP! Don't bother calling police for your husband because it won't get you anywhere especially since there's no child involved. Even if there's a child, he's not a British citizen, so it's not their property!
Again, I understand why your hubby is violent. U.K. Masters is very difficult. It would have been easier for him if you weren't there with him. He sees you as a distraction, hence he's pouring all his frustration on you since you're in the same room with him.. During my masters I dropped from a size 14 to size 10... The culture shock, mind you, I've been traveling to uk like 2-3 times a year before for over 10yrs.. The educational system is different from what we have back home.. You start seeing course works, assignments, checking for plagiarism, turnitin, the weather in winter, the racism & descrimination, there's a lot stressing him out.. Then he has to satisfy your emotional needs, while rocking your boat at night he's thinking of 5,000 words course wok to submit tomorrow & then he climaxes in 2minutes and you begin to nag.. And he's already stressed, so you are compounding his problems... So my dear, I'll advise you to be patient with him, if he wasn't violent before masters, he's definitely going to stop after his masters.
The only way you can stay back is divorcing him, do an arranged marriage with someone who's got papers... But life in UK isn't sweet, with your papers you can still end up doing care jobs , cleaning old people's jobs. If at all you want to live abroad, I'll advise you go to Canada, America or Australia! Cheers.. Hope this helps.. Please anyone with job links in naija should please link me up.. Thanks.. Sorry for the lengthy write up
My dear u have said it all,poster one listen to this advice for good.
DeleteSir I will advice you to come back home its never too late to start again,I can't live in another mans land as a begger when am a king in my country,there are few jobs for other fields in Nigeria but not in medical fields Nigeria is in dare need of your services here cus we have few well trained hands,so the system is searching for people like you with quality education,come back home brother and the sky will be ur starting poin..wish you well
DeleteAwww , I wish you all the best darling.
DeleteSo she should carry on getting beaten up by her husband because he is the first to do masters!?!
DeleteYour reasoning is shocking!
And you say you have been coming to London for over 10 years, and have now been here for over 2 years...I refuse to believe that! Not with this mentality of yours.
Never ever allow a man to beat yiu up because he is "stressed"...you obviously don't value your life.
True words. Poster, ill advise you to be more tolerant and supportive of your spouse. I went to school over here too and suffered from depression. It's not easy. Do not bite the hand that feeds you.
DeleteExactly anon. "with your papers you can still end up doing care jobs" It's pretty much same in America, except you have a good American Degree + Papers.
DeleteTo get the papers nko, with ya case na to do arrangee marriage. Why will you want to suffer terribly in another man's land, Just return Naija abeg.
But why will you resign a good job to come join your hubby who is on Student Visa not a permanent resident. You didn't think about it? Or you forgot the visa will expire? Or you had this intention of risking staying behind even before you came?
The last thing you want to do is stay in a foreign country (like where you are) illegally. Don't!!!!
Go back home, don't kill yourself in an abusive relationship and start all over or continue from where you left. Goodluck!
Poster#1,d opportunist,Hmmmmm,you av jst been there a little over a yr,n u r looking for away to get away from ur hubby.u want to bcome a resident right?he brought u there remember.if u r sincere to urself come back to Nigeria,file for a divorce,then hussle ur way independently back to d UK.all this una attitude done make some Nigeria husband no want make their wivies relocate with them.they even prefer coming back here to get married
ReplyDeleteEndtime mother inlaw
ReplyDeleteMy dear Poster 1... Unfortunately, you can't stay back in the UK because you're a dependent.. Even your husband cannot prolong his stay. He needs to relocate back home. The reason is that, the system has scrapped off post study visa .
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I'll advise you to go back home ASAP because it's not that rosy here. I came for my masters 5 years ago and got a job afterwards. My visa ran out since 2014, I've been appealing and they've been bouncing me. All my classmates we did masters together all went back home , now they've got good jobs back home. I've stayed 2 years without papers, without a job, without anything. At the moment I'm even squatting free of charge because I can't pay any bills. But I'm a medical personnel.
I'm thinking of going back home but where do I start from? Who's going to give me the job connections?
My advice is that you go home ASAP! Don't bother calling police for your husband because it won't get you anywhere especially since there's no child involved. Even if there's a child, he's not a British citizen, so it's not their property!
Again, I understand why your hubby is violent. U.K. Masters is very difficult. It would have been easier for him if you weren't there with him. He sees you as a distraction, hence he's pouring all his frustration on you since you're in the same room with him.. During my masters I dropped from a size 14 to size 10... The culture shock, mind you, I've been traveling to uk like 2-3 times a year before for over 10yrs.. The educational system is different from what we have back home.. You start seeing course works, assignments, checking for plagiarism, turnitin, the weather in winter, the racism & descrimination, there's a lot stressing him out.. Then he has to satisfy your emotional needs, while rocking your boat at night he's thinking of 5,000 words course wok to submit tomorrow & then he climaxes in 2minutes and you begin to nag.. And he's already stressed, so you are compounding his problems... So my dear, I'll advise you to be patient with him, if he wasn't violent before masters, he's definitely going to stop after his masters.
The only way you can stay back is divorcing him, do an arranged marriage with someone who's got papers... But life in UK isn't sweet, with your papers you can still end up doing care jobs , cleaning old people's jobs. If at all you want to live abroad, I'll advise you go to Canada, America or Australia! Cheers.. Hope this helps.. Please anyone with job links in naija should please link me up.. Thanks.. Sorry for the lengthy write up
You just spoke my mind. There was no need to leave ur job and follow him in the first place poster 1.
DeleteRegister on Hot jobs Naija to get job alert.
poster 1...u better leave dat man. with all d stories of men and women dat have died due to domestic violence, u are still staying. and if u are staying cos of ur kids, u night not leave long to take care of dem due to domestic violence....and must u force urslf to stay abroad...u av seen somefin or met one man ni..u better come back to naija and leave dat man..wish u d best
ReplyDeleteposter 2..nicely speak to ur husband abt it oo..cos money na serious issue oo..it can distant u guyz..i pray God gives u the wisdom to handle d situatn. but ur mother in law sha..nawa for her oooo
Poster1 dear, I wish Iknew more abt d system there. Let me pave way for other bv's. By the way, I also opine dt u find time to visit d relevant authorities for verification and suggestions. Except they may use it against u. So please hold on to relevant comments in this context. Thanks
ReplyDeletePoster2: It's not possible dt ur MiL just changed after 15yrs. My dear, every mother wants to look good in her older age and flaunt d grace of her offsprings' blessings from God.
I can sooooo relate wit u on this.
Be wise to sugest to ur man or how u go abt this but pls I convurwit Stella, start keeping a tab on ur finances solely; for d sake of urkids and/or maiden family members dt u love.
I just get wat ur feel. U strongly wish dt ur MiL and inlaws know it's ur source. Which is necessary incase of eventuality bfore dey say 'our brother/son's investments".
Once I strongly refused to go to d village for Christmas, using d xcuse dt I am nursing a baby. And wit my stubbornness, no 1 dared enter my Store to take any item. I aranged n packed well for my older kid and gave instructions to my caregiver. They went to d vilage empty handed. Hehehe only d 'food' they ate is enuf to tel my pple dt am d source. On return my girl was gisting me n sed she wil neva go to d vilage again wit me. It was obvious. Even d tinz dia son bot cud not be compared bcos I am selfless n generous. Every1 feels my impact.
Now dts wat I call 'Being diplomatic in created Change'.
But sis, as ur parents have enuf for themselves, let d inlaws enjoy u.
If u want them to know: Buy it n send/deliver wit ur name. Or call and say "u r going to giv mama a standby gen".
As for d car and driver, I no know oo. U can buy d jewelries ursef n give.
Somtym ago, even wit d 'beef', I sent a Tiler to measure d palor. And made calls. Wen dey calld hubby, he wasn't ware n told demit must be me. It was done dear. And d know.
I wish u luck.
Poster 2... You should always keep tab on your finances. I know your husband may not be "T-bliz" but our people say, ehihie ka eji acho ewu ojii "make hay while the sun shine". you have 2 cars? maybe she thinks her son bought them for you, then that is why she want hers and a driver.
ReplyDeleteMadam please start keep your money yourself. She definitely think you are living off her son. Some mother in laws are so dramatic but some are very good too. May God give you wisdom to address it properly.
ReplyDeleteMadam Poster, I don't think you will have any complaint if this woman is your own mother.
ReplyDeleteJust as you are ready for you guys to start separating each other's money. U should also be ready for the separation of the marriage. So you can go to your parents house and spend the yeye money.
GBAM... e b like Say devil wan put confusion for the dil mind ooo
Deletebut her own parent are not asking for house, car, driver and gold. Her MIL should chose a struggle. Like wont she plan for her kids future because of Monster inlaw insatiable wants.
DeletePoster 1: I think its best you come back to Nigeria and divorce your husband, then get a job and start your life. Except u want to become an illegal immigrant in d UK.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Poster 1, you can't work on your husband study visa, it is simply illegal. You are simply a dependant and that is all. As regards to the domestic violence/abuse, it's simply a NO-NO, i would advise you wait till he completes his masters and you return back home before the seperation if it is necessary and can't be managed/corrected. Reporting to the Home Office, you are jeopardizing his chance to get his certificate/face avoiding charges. Your chances of remaining in the country is very slim and i won't advise you bother.
ReplyDeleteJust saying anyways! All the best.
Dear anon 16:09 pls don't Mis-lead...you CAN work as a dependent. I came to the UK with a dependent visa on my hubby who is doing his masters. I am permitted to work full time! And I got a job 2 weeks after I got to this country and have been working ever since. Why poster 1 decided not to work I don't know but it was a very ignorant decision on her part cos I even had a toddler and I worked in a call centre night shifts just to make sure I was bringing something to the table and not leaving all to hubby. Dear poster, go back to nigeria, 2 months is to short a time to start trying to stay back without prior proof of domestic violence. Talk to God and ask him to guide you.
DeletePoster two u shd kno by now that joint business/account nor dey work in favor of the woman except the man puts in more. Don't u you have calculator on ur fone? Take care of your business urself
ReplyDeletePoster one, you must be very stupid and childish to leave a well paying job to go to the 'abroad ' expecially when hubby isn't on permanent stay or even a citizen. Imagine d nonsense, na even 3yrars visa na u quit ur work for?
U r O Y O oh.
Nna mehn people have problems in life o,when I hear all these marriage related problems I thank God for my self,back to the post...narrator no1 nawa for you o you ddnt do anything since you were in UK its now that you are quater to go that you wants to start?if the guy can do that to you where there is law imagine what will happen to you when you come back with him in naija where nobody will help your case,you better stay there in UK and file for divorce first b4 trying to come back,he started showing his true colours immediatelly he made sure that you are dependent on him financially,that man is not a good person I wonder why you never noticed his bad traits. To the narrator ,to the narrator N02, tell your husband not to use your money to fund his mothers excesses,if you don't stop that woman she will finish the investement that you are supposed to use to train your kids,mind you your kids are growing and its your duty to give them your best,but if you don't stop that woman she will waste ur resources.
ReplyDeleteAtimes it better to play safe with your money when the in-laws are involved, especially the 'good' ones. My sis in-law will be getting married soon and I have made hubby know that shingbai should not be missing in the joint account. As a matter of fact, I will dictate the amount he will give to her because she no dey useful at all. In short, be wise with your kudi.
ReplyDeleteJAMES KOLOMENTAL. YOU WONT KILL SOMEONE WITH YOUR COMMENTS. I SORRY FOR YOU
ReplyDeleteIt is now remaining our gagool
Fix it lord
ReplyDeletePoster 2,start keeping tabs of your money biko. E ji ro akpata etufue Aba ogaranya.poster 1,if really your husband is abusing you,you know what to do. You can drop your email let me link ypu to people who can help you.
ReplyDelete1. Don't let that man kill and bury you. Don't you have friends that can explain one or two things for you there? Take any step you ought to fast, July is round the corner.
ReplyDelete2-You have to know everything about that business in case of morrow, play it cool. Get yourself involve in it full time and pray always. You should have access to the records of everything and don't let this issue of a car cause a problem between your hubby and yourself. You and your hubby should find out if she's going to drive it or someone will and who will be paying the driver, also let her know that things are hard and not as it was. Every reasonable mother should know this unless her son behaves like Dangote's brother. STart saving for your kids' future and buy more landed property. Always pray too.
Poster 1 Talk to God in prayer...
ReplyDeletePoster 2 Please be wise.
Finally I can comment on this great blog.Shout out to all *sdkers*Stella weldone o
Thank God som1 is making sense and bot towing other people's line. Poster 1 o smell a rat in your story. I think ur telling lies. You want to remain in the UK while your hubby lives nd you want us to teach u some tricks to do away with him.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 I know ya type. You left your job and ran to meet your husband for a 1yr program abi? now you are looking for a way to stay back there, all of a sudden he has been abusing you and you didn't cry out until it is 2 months before you leave. ole buruku. my friend carry your kaya come back here jare.
ReplyDeleteBest comment
DeleteAbi o. All na format!
DeleteYou leave your job come join person wey dey on student visa. Now you no wan go back?
You painted a perfect picture if poster one ... Lol
Delete@Poster 1, why do I feel that u just don't want to return to naija? Y do i feel that u married him bcos he was abroad? Infact the fact that he's abroad did not even mk u think twice before u agreed to marry him. Now, the whole abroad jamboree is almost over, the foundation of your mrg don dey shake. If say that husband of yours na citizen, we for no hear domestic violence. Why do i feel you are blowing everything out of proportion to get the sympathy of bvns so that they won't see u as one desperate that quit her good job for a man she knew little or nothing about. Be wise o...u don marry, not that easy to just walk away. Steps hv to be taken babes. All d best.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, pls try and respect and love ur MIL with her flaws like she is ur mom, at the same time keep tabs on ur money.. maybe she has the mindset that its her sons money, better let ur husbands family know it's 50:50, cos no one knows tomorrow, and pls with ur charity mind, buy ur MIL gifts without her demanding. Infact just put ursef in her shoes, what u know u won't tolerate from ur son's wife, don't do it to her, what u know u can't demand from ur sons wife don't give ,abeg na my 2cent be this.
ReplyDeletePoster one...go to any citizen advice in your local area or you can google it.they will advice u on wat to do.since domestic violence is involve.you need to report it to the police so that u can hv a case in the home offices.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm.Today's chronicles get as e be
ReplyDeletePoster 1 has some innate problems in my opinion which is why the hubby is having issues with her. if her dependant visa allows her to work, like it used to be, then there would be a serious reason why the husband will not agree to her working. If her visa does not permit her, then her husband might not agree. Secondly, i wonder what education poster has that she cannot google the Home Office website to get proper information as per her chances instead of coming here to ask people who live in other countries. Again, why hasn't she contacted a lawyer for professional advise? Why does madam need to stay back here when she can divorce her when they get back to Nigeria if she is afraid of DV?
ReplyDeleteShe won't google the home office website cos she's telling lies. She just needs backyard advice on what to do. Na format naa
DeletePoster 1, why are you crying out now when you have 2 months on your visa? HO will not buy into your story as they will see it as a ploy for you to want to remain in the UK. The laws are stricter now. You are a dependent on a partner who has a student visa so you don't really have a case to be honest.
ReplyDeleteposter 1, I beg you dont call the police on your husband in the UK. You will ruin him. He may never complete his masters and it will be all wasted. I know how hurtful it is to be abused in a marriage. Dont start what you cant finish with UK authorities. Pls speak to your husband about how you feel. The UKBA/home office are very funny and they may suspect you are making these acccusations to stay back as your visa expiry date is near. Dont listen to all these people. Get some marriage counselling and support. Life is not easy in the UK. I have been here since 2008 when I came to study and it was hard at the beginning. Everyone I know has gone back to Nigeria. Thankfully, I am married now with a kid, working and being paid well at a great place. If you need someone to talk to drop you number with Stella. Mrs PE
ReplyDeleteOnly illegal and people without ambition find the UK difficult! If you graduate here even if it's a master and you are legal,you will find a very good job.Who are all the immigrants driving expensive cars,living in beautiful houses and working? Do they have two heads?I came as a refugee, went to school for a masters and got a job immediately.This is my 8th years here and i love my life.Nigerians in UK don't want to know the system and spread their horizons, they are busy roaming the streets of Peckam attending one owambe after the other and living in state benefits while some are content with Tesco and care jobs.Many african immigrants are making it just fine and few of the Nigerian i met at work are those who have no affinities with Nigerian way of life here.
ReplyDeleteAs for poster 1, i don't believe your story and I won't help you ruin that man's life because of your greed. Sort yourself out and I tell you,which ever way you will go with your devilish plan, it will backfire.The Uk is no longer playing with immigrants, especially if you are not valuable to them.Benefits cap is for real, better go back home and hustle.
James, educated illiterate, do you read before commenting?.The lady said she only gives her parents at Christmas, so she should starve because of MIL. Dont you know as kids grow the expenses increase and their kids come first.
ReplyDelete@anon 17.22. I may be wrong but I have a feeling your hubby may not be telling you the truth. We're you there when he discussed with his sister? I also do joint venture with hubby but he doesn't go telling his family. Keep some things to yourself to avoid his family thinking otherwise and at the same time have your own personal investment to avoid future chronicles
ReplyDeleteMadaam has only 400pounds ooo,use that remaining money and buy chocolate and buscuit for relations ooo, no waste am for Yankee lawyer abeg
ReplyDeleteFix it ih lord
ReplyDeleteOnly illegal and people without ambition find the UK difficult! If you graduate here even if it's a master and you are legal,you will find a very good job.Who are all the immigrants driving expensive cars,living in beautiful houses and working? Do they have two heads?I came as a refugee, went to school for a masters and got a job immediately.This is my 8th years here and i love my life.Nigerians in UK don't want to know the system and spread their horizons, they are busy roaming the streets of Peckam attending one owambe after the other and living in state benefits while some are content with Tesco and care jobs.Many african immigrants are making it just fine and few of the Nigerian i met at work are those who have no affinities with Nigerian way of life here.
ReplyDeleteAs for poster 1, i don't believe your story and I won't help you ruin that man's life because of your greed. Sort yourself out and I tell you,which ever way you will go with your devilish plan, it will backfire.The Uk is no longer playing with immigrants, especially if you are not valuable to them.Benefits cap is for real, better go back home and hustle.
U people are stupid oh .....so cos the abuse started after she got to the Uk u people think she is lying? Don't u know it has happened to a lot of long distance relationships? U won't know their true nature till u live with them fully....divorce the man and find your level back to naija, don't allow any goat kill you because u want to remain married
ReplyDelete