Hey!
Hey!!
Hey!!!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
WHEN IN LAWS PUT FINANCIAL STRAIN ON A MARRIAGE...
Good afternoon bvs.
please I need your advice .
I got married a loving husband,but since we got married all his family members have not given him peace of mind financially,its one request or the other including his elder ones.These are people that didn't contribute at all to our wedding.
They demand to the extent that my husband can't take care of his baby and l,he will always ask me to assist him becos before the end of the month he would have finished his money.
N.B we both have good F.G work .These people don't ask of my baby n l.when I started telling my husband that I can't continue to assist him because he earns higher than me and still borrows from me which he won't pay back,he became reserved , telling me that I don't want him to assist his people.
bvs their last born na my mate o..they are just so lazy to hustle.
I just wanted my husband and I to start a building project early and organise our lives but this people won't allow my husband to save.
Bvs abeg make una advice o ..because I don tire.
Stella please I need your red pen too.
Well you cannot ask your husband not to help his siblings no matter how old they are,however you can stop giving him money with style because outrightly saying NO might put a strain on your Marriage - depending on your husbands mindset.
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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
DATING THE SIBLING OF AN EX
Hi Stella, as we all say please I want to be anonymous here.
I just relocated from Nigeria about a 9 months ago, I now live and work and work plus school here. So I went to visit friends and then we went out to a club, now clubs close at 3am , we were waiting to get food when I walked in and saw this guy, he took my number and long story short we got talking everyday, morning and night.
He literally doubled dad and friend, checked on me and pushed me to go harder with my studies, it paid off by the end of my semester... I've traveled a lot back to where I met him but we never got to see but he's always aware that I'm in his state... One day he went very ballistic.
I would call him but always got carried away by gisting with my friends and never get to see him, I was good at playing the victim, well he's older so most times he let me win. On Saturday I was back in his state went to see my friends and thought to see him, we got into an argument on the phone on my way to his house and he again acted grown up and let me win but not after telling me I was wrong and we hugged...
He asked to please cook for him which I did after we got to the farmers market and bought stuff... Now on our way out I went into his room and then while we were talking I saw a couple of pictures on his bathroom dresser ,I asked to look and to my surprise I knew everyone in the picture but him.
I was 21 when I met his kid brother, we had a thing once or twice and a couple more for almost a year, all of his family knew we had something going but none of us could define what it was, I got really friendly with everyone at their house well that was back in Nigeria and now 7 years later I'm meeting this guy who says he likes me a lot and been talking at dating me which I've not agreed to.
we've not kissed or been on a couch together, I was thinking of saying yes to this relationship until I saw the picture in his bathroom... I asked a couple of friends and they said tell him but I think I'd rather not tell him at same time not say yes to him.
I need BVs to tell me what y'all think. I'm really confused because I wish I could say yes to him as well.
Also the part of Nigeria they're from, they're really traditional especially their dad, he's still very old fashioned and traditional.
Excuse the typos wherever you find one, I'm just a confused sister here.
If you do not tell him and the relationship gets serious and he finds out ,he will dump you.
Put all your cards on the table and let him work it out in his brain.Some men cannot take that their friend talkless of sibling has been with someone they want....Its a taboo for them.
For some,it doesnt matter.
Put all your cards on the table so that both of you will know what you are working into....
And if i may add,if you both decide to date after you tell him,initiate the ''MERMAID REFERENDUM'' and keep your laps closed until he decides if its the long haul or not cos he might open the cookie jar and start giving you all the excuses why it wont work.
ALL THE BEST.
Chronicle! Chronicles!! Chronicles!!!
ReplyDeleteMarriage!
DeleteMarriage !!
Marriage !!!
Poster 1, stop assisting your husband. So because he wants to help his siblings he's now depriving his immediate family their right?
DeletePeople assist family members but not to their detriment. Have you spoken to him with love? If no, i think you should. Let him know you mean well for he and his family but you also think he should have his own life.
Poster 2, tell that guy about his brother now.
I just Dey enter so.. Wetin Dey happen today
DeletePoster 2...define "a thing or two and a couple more"
DeletePoster 1-stop giving him money!
ReplyDeletePoster 2- tell him ASAP!
Poster 1, stop giving him money and start telling him that ur family needs ur help too. Buy properties in ur mother's name and have her will them to u. Na only him get family? Mtschew! Dont complain to him again abt how he gives all his money to his family. Allow d standard of living at home to drop, save ur money. When he cant bear to watch his kids go hungry, he will ask his family that he has been helping for help and they most likely wouldnt help him. Na so them dey do. Thats when he will realise. U bring out small money n bail him out, saying u got help from ur ppl. He will gradually come to his senses. And u will be his queen in shining armor.
DeleteHollup!
ReplyDeleteHollup!!
Just hollup tight
@poster 1,madam so you want ur horseband to abandon the people that made him what he is today. U just came to occupy and dominate.
ReplyDeleteJames You are stupid for this comment. Yea am a guy.
DeleteLet face reality biko,if u must help do it wisely . madam d lord is ur strength just keep praying for him.
DeletePoster 2. Tell him
I remember meeting two brothers separately,one Oluwa who was asking me out many years back ,had something with him once, met his brother Femi in another state years later,I didn't even know they were brothers,someone who knew both of them told me they are brothers, though his brother Femi I had nothing with him.It is a very small world,we should be careful,
ReplyDeleteLesson to all babes fuck all around. It was on this blog we read of a lady dating father and got pregnant for his son after a one night stand at a birthday party
DeletePoster 2 please let him go and look for your bobo else where. Don't scatter their family or don't turn yourself to handball
Poster 1 stop giving him your money they won't appreciate it and still think you are stopping their brother any time he says no
It's truly a small world. You never know who you will bump into tomorrow.
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteWhy are you this greedy+ will you teach your hubby how to spend his Money? Where you there when they were all hustling as a family??
If he doesn't know when to "call the shots" leave him. He is an adult. If you are tired of helping of helping him, tell him.
Poster 2
=tell him what happened and leave him alone. Do not agree to his proposal. There are 1001 on planet earth. How can you think you'll date him after having something to do with his brother. You must be greedy. You can never have your cake and eat it.
LEAVE THAT FAMILY.
You be real Idiot!!!!
DeleteIts very easy to know the singles that hv no idea about marriage.
You are so judgemental. She asked for advice and you are here playing the Judge.
DeleteHow's she greedy? So my husband will use all his money on siblings and still borrow from me to give them then expevt me to use my money to run the home. Does this translate to greed?
DeleteNne your advise to poster 1 is very wrong if he wanted to take care of his family why then did he get married, do you think that the girls family do not have any pressing need? If they both concentrate of their family who if I may ask will take care of their kids? You I guess. His immediate family depend on him and he should not use the resources God gave him for them On grown ass individuals who no wan hustle Abeg! Poster don't give him ten kobo again even collect from him with style and save. And for your information you have every right in this world to ask him to reduce how he spends money outside! Don't mind hypocrites. How will your hubby fell if his own father will always tell him he has no money for school cos he used all he had on his siblings? Mtcheeeeeeeew!
Delete@swag Kindly stop giving him, not to tell him not to help his family. He wears the shoes
Delete@idiot, his family hustled to train him you say? Then he should marry them! Why can't they hustle to be successful themselves? If he loses his job, will they be there to help him? Are you married? Who wears the shoes knows where it pinches.
DeleteCan I take frisomum? I am 24 week pregnant. Or which milk is best for me?
ReplyDeleteCowbell
DeleteLok@cowbel
DeleteCow milk straight from the cow
DeleteDon't mind them, u can take Dano full cream if you can tolerate milk well. All the best dear
DeletePoster 1:stop giving him money,by d tym he goes broke he will learn..
ReplyDeletePoster 2:u jst have to open up nd tell him,after all it was 7 years ago..jst tell him everything,if he loves u he will still accept u
This is one of the reason why most married women are Mugus...don't go and give your husband a good spiritual beating...be there asking questions....
ReplyDeletePoster 2,
Well,I would advise you to tell him but he might pretend that he dosent mind just to chop your kpekus...
Dump him after telling him before he do the same to you...
I don't trust that nigga!....who knows,he might even know you sef...
Spiritual beating Ke?
DeleteI feel sorry for your family..
@Queen, You are so right this time. That was how my senior friend dated my two elder brothers, i avoided her bcos of that. The first one dumped her, then after some months she jumped to the second one. Finally, she was dumped by the second one. They now use her as a topic to drink beer. Poster 2, shine your eyes oh!
DeleteHian!! Spiritual beating??? The queen has said it again. There is nothing I would not hear on this blog.
DeleteQueen or boss whatever you choose to call yourself, you are obviously a witch! Spiritual beating indeed... I pity your husband.
DeletePeople sef,spiritual beating means prayers,if u don't understand d meaning,ask and stop being judgemental.nawa oh
DeleteIf you guys don't know what she meant by spiritual beating, then you read and pass by or ask. Instead of typing out of ignorance. She only meant that the poster should take it to God in prayer. And that is exactly what I would do instead of asking advice from alot of bv who can't even read in-between lines before typing.
DeleteHmmmmm, una no sabi sey deris spiritual beating...
DeletePoster 1 please start the building project with your hubby, that way both of you will have perfect place to put your money and assist both siblings if need be but not foolishly. Poster 2. Tell the guy and continue with him if he is okay with u and a good guy. Remember to be a good lady too.
ReplyDeletePoster two tell him you've fucked his brother in d past, that's y if I'm dating someone, I don't like being exposed until HE says we are gonna tie d knot next month, no be say u go expose me to family n friends meanwhile we r just fuck buddies catching fun.
ReplyDelete@Blackberry meanwhile una just be fuck buddies?Your toto go don suffer well well
DeleteHahahahahahahahahahaa toto doctor!
DeletePoster 2, find your way. Look for another guy. It is awkward and shameless for you to date him. After his brother has gbenshed ur Toto many times.
ReplyDeleteMy senior brother's ex wanted to fall in love with me some years ago. But I ran for my dear life. From asking me for me for money, she started telling me that she likes me.
Shut up Liar!!
DeleteWho falls in love with sum1 with Homar Simpson brain?
And a 2 inch dick on top
DeleteYou must have slept with him to know he has a 2 inch dick
DeletePoster one save your money o!
ReplyDeleteYour husband likes helping his folks, it's good but he shouldn't do it to his own detriment cos sometimes if kasala burst, those pple he's helping might not bail him out. Help with sense.
I don't understand why a reasonable human being can't have savings. Not to talk of someone with a family. The husband is the selfish one here.
DeletePoster1, things are not done that way. Like Stella said you don't tell a man to stop assisting his people. Stop giving him your money. Say capital NO. It's your money after all.
ReplyDeleteDon't think they are happy collecting from him all the time. They may be working hard but things might not just be working out for them the way it should.just pray for them. My mom will always say that if you are the only rich person in your family then you are definitely still poor because you've not helped anyone grow. Before you think of starting your building project tell your Dh to call for family meeting. Try and know what each member of the family can do to be financially stable. Try and set them up. By so doing you can now clear your mind that you've done your best for them before starting your project because if you don't settle them that building project might last for 10yrs without it being completed because they will keep askinga and hubby will keep giving.
Poster2, just quietly leave that relationship. No two ways about it. It won't work. Forget prayer. You are a Nigerian and should know better. Forget him. He's not the only man in the world.
Where is doppelgänger?
Kisses dear.
DeleteShe should initiate a mermaid Referendum? What's special about something his kid brother has already 'smatched'?
ReplyDeletePoster1: Dont even blame the in-laws, if your DH has decided to turn his home into a charity organisation, ofcourse the beggers purse dont ever run dry, they'd keep coming like "the singles of thriller". Its a good idea u stopped giving him support, he sees u as his safety net, who knows the promises he has made to them behind ur back, giving them the effrontery to see him as a human ATM.
ReplyDeletePoster2: Quit immediately, cus it'd lead nowhere tangible, who'd purposely marry a girl that has been fucked by a brother?
Poster 1 you have got to be smart, you both should open a fix account where you both can deposit certain % of your salary and agree toward using it for future plans only. He can use the rest the other part for his family members and the upkeep if you family. If he refuses NNE. Open a fix account and start planning for your future. Don't be stupid.
ReplyDeleteQueen and Boss poster one needs your advice lol
ReplyDeleteQueen and Boss poster one needs your advice lol
ReplyDeletePoster 2 :Please Tell him o... You never can tell.
ReplyDeleteI ran into this particular girl twice, playing snooker in a lounge. Port Harcourt peeps she said she is a SDKer. She is good. But I allowed her to win. Thinking I can corner her for her deetz later. The Babe just disappear. All these dem girls sef.
She is *an* sdker or *a* bv....
DeleteU want her to stay and give u chance so that u ll come back ere and say she is loose abi?...lol
Poster 1: Your hubby doesn't see this as a problem,he is making excuses for his siblings entitlement behaviour. Trust me,except God changes him, he will NEVER change. So brace up, for long years of misplaced priorities.
ReplyDeleteI am not trying to scare you, but a man who feels totally obligated to a bunch of leeches like his family, will never do much for himself. They tend to be unambitious as well seeing as everyone around them is not doing well.
Now, your hubby is reserved, soon he will turn defensive. It will be worse if he is the type that vomits the events of his marriage to his siblings. Sorry, Ma'am, you did not marry your husband so do not expect different.
You see that investment, you are suggesting, you are going to end up doing it alone. Better give yourself brain....... start saving, investing, opening up multiple streams of income in YOUR name and maybe your kids. You cannot carry a guy who cannot drag himself. Waiting on him to take initiative will be a lifetime project, such men do not learn except the siblings magically become wealthy tomorrow and maltreat him. So save your strength before you become family enemy.
Live your life pls,build what you want to build if you can carry it. Ensure he provides for you and your children,do not allow him become too comfortable and irresponsible. Learn how to downsize information about your finances and assets. May God help you because this is hard and is not how family should be. But your husband has a divided loyalty, so pls, kill any guilt and help yourself. If not, in the next 20yrs, you guys will still ne living from hand to mouth.....God forbid!
Ambitious ladies should marry equals or struggling sensible guys that carry themselves along or put their own immediate families first before dragging other people's problem. It is well!
Poster 2: If you slept with his kid brother from years back and they are Igbo........Forget that relatioship..... just kill it.
Do not try to play smart by hiding the information from him,coz when times comes for wedding,everything will tumble out.
Pray to God to guide the course of the relationship, open up and tell him yourself and fast and accept whatever comes out of it. God help you.
Your head is correct.
Delete100likes.
DeleteLet me perch here. Dear poster 1, I am a Federal government staff and I have learnt the hard way. This people know you are working and feel you are earning big and once the month is about to end you would see them flooding requests. My advice is that you and hubby should start that project immediately. You can use the cooperatives if you have any operating in your work place. I am single with a lot of family responsibilities but you must learn saving culture if not you would end up eating your future monthly. If your hubby defaults to the plan my dear, it is time to start saving for you and your children. Open accounts for your children and "no be everything eye dey see mouth go talk"
DeleteGbam @Empress, I was about to say the same thing till I saw your comment.
DeleteNice advice.
DeleteWow!
ReplyDeletePosters please take stells advise, i dnt knw to say especially as i dnt understand most of wot poster two was tlking abt...
ReplyDeleteI Thot I was the only one oh,! Pls poster 2 work on ur English, u can give someone a headache trying to understand what ur talking about.
DeletePoster 2, even if you told this guy the truth,and he has no problem with it, let's think about the parents for a moment...
ReplyDeletesince you already know their dad is traditional and old fashioned, do you think he would welcome you with open arms this time after he has met you before through his other son? Hehe, my dad ain't that traditional but he wouldn't.
And there's the younger brother... have you thought about what his reaction would be? Well, it depends on how far you guys went.
Hmm, this just seems like a whole lot of trouble...
Well, if you believe this guy is worth all that trouble looming ahead of you then please,go ahead and tell him the truth,all of it oh.
But if it isn't "crazy in love,can't do without him" kinda love you feeling, please save yourself the trouble and walk away. It doesn't sound like this type of love from your narrative sha. But what do I know...*shrugs* goodluck!
P1, try and dialogue peacefully with your husband. P2, tell him so that you would know where you stand, at least one burden off you. If you tell him and he begins to act the sex thing, run because if you don't leave after getting down he would.
ReplyDeleteWhere u there when they made him?
ReplyDeleteYou imbecile!!!
Even if they made him, so its alright to pull him down, not even considering his kid.
Low IQ james.
But what joy do you have insulting someone who hasn't called you names all because you want to pass your point across??
DeleteYour opinion loose it's meaning when you accompany it with insult.. Go and learn basic home training as you don't have one. You don't go about insulting people to make yourself feel better
Poster one: Good for you you are working. Save your money for yourself and the kids.If it were your family in this scenario you would do exactly the same thing if not worse.Leave husby to learn his lesson on his own. In marriage you have to expect the unexpected and find your way around it.Poster two: Quit that relationship abruptly without telling this dude the reason. He wont agree to date you after knowing you have gbenshed his brother. Dont waste your time explaining anything. Thats african men for you. Protect yourself and quit. Count your losses and move on. If you dont, the guy will just pretend that all his well and dump you eventually.
ReplyDeletePoster one you don't have a problem at all .....I hv the same issue with you until I told my husband about opening a joint account with signatory to both of us. We both agreed to deposit certain amount every month in the account n it's perfectly working out for us ...his families own was so bad that the brother that collects like 50k asked my hubby to pay for his PGD.please don't stop him from assisting the family especially the parents they might have passed through a very hard time.
ReplyDeletePoster2, so if we don't advice u not to date d guy, u would date him abi? Wisdom is profitable dear, don't sleep with or date a guy that his younger brother has slept with u nd d family is even aware, even if d dad isn't traditional, most dads including ur dad won't accept it, pls respect yourself, men plenty
ReplyDeleteP1 stop assisting him and start saving 4 urslf and ur children, ur hubby is abt 2 mk dsame mistake dat my dad mk and he is still regretting it till now cos none of d ppl he helped remember his is still in existence p2 if u did nt have Sex with him u can tell him and still dating him but if u have honey run 4 ur dear life.
ReplyDeleteP1 borrow common sense, open a go to hell account and be saving. Tell your hubby that you have started contribution with some colleagues and you chose to collect last. Also tell him that your parents need financial assistance which you are helping them out with a token monthly with these two things mentioned that you do not have enough cash with you any more. This will make him not to rely on you any more. If he gets angry you can then tell him the need for two of you to reduce the amount spent on relation until there is improvement on his earnings. Emphasize the importance of investment to him and you as a person need to invest too
ReplyDeletePoster 1, pray to God for wisdom on how to remind your husband that his family should take priority over his parents and siblings, the Bible says a man leaves his parents & cleaves to his wife. My suggestion would be to start by asking him to augment your money to manage your household,the price of everything has gone up so it makes sense, then put that money away. Every time and expense comes up, ask your husband for the money first before dipping into your own pockets, hopefully he will get the message but honestly seek wisdom. Find a way to talk to your husband about the short term & long term plans for your family, beginning of every quarter is a good time to plan ahead and assess achievement of previous goals. I can bet that if God forbid anything happened to your husband your in-laws won't even answer you, so you have to start looking out for your family too.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, don't even think of not telling him. And even if he says he doesn't care don't sleep with him unless you get married.
Well said SDK
ReplyDelete