Chai!!!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
BORROWING MONEY FROM YOUR SPOUSE
Hello Stella...
I am a married lady in my mid 20's and my husband is in his late 30's, we both live in separate countries.
I will try and be as brief as I can please.
I gave my husband some money before we got married (then we were still dating) not like he was broke but he needed to get somethings from the country where I live (Please note that, I usually do such transactions for him and he pays back shortly after )
But this particular transaction, he promised to pay the money when he comes to visit me......to cut the long story short, he came back and we got married and shortly after, he left back to his base without giving me the money.
And now when ever I ask him about the money he gets upset and says things like "but I have been sending money to you" which is true but this money are for the upkeep of our house and other family related errands.
Please correct me if I am wrong here, but I think that he should give me back my money and if he wants to send money as a husband for the house he should but not use that as an excuse .
Right now I am not working (student) and I need the money back cos it was my savings while I was still single and working.
If we were still dating, wont he give me back the money? Why are things different now bcos I am his wife??
Stella, I am not talking about a few thousand dollars here and I did what I did out of trust and the respect I had for him, becos I saw him as a man who stands by his word....not to mention the third obvious reason which was LoVe...
If you ask me, I think he doesn't want to give me back my money not bcos he does not have it, but to be able to control me .because if I do not have money, then I would have to ask him for every dime and he must approve of what I do with money.
Right now, I have lost the respect I had for him and this brings quarrel btw us, and I look at him with disgust .
Stella, please I will appreciate your honest opinion on this issue and that of the blog visitors. Thank you and remain blessed
Na wah,Babe you should never borrow money to boyfriend or husband unless you do not expect it back.You should have asked for your money before you married him....I dont know about this but i think you really discuss this with him and find out why he is not giving you back what he borrowed.
I dont know what else to say cos i have never been in this situation.
..................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
HUSBAND IN THE DIASPORA AND WHEN THE MOVES TO
JOIN HIM FAILS
Madam Stella May God bless you with all the good work you are doing and touching people's lives in your own way.
please don't reveal my identity. I met my DH while in school that was about four years ago,We so much love each other that we did our introduction January 2015 and got married this year.
My parents were against our marriage because DH is staying abroad (US) and which he is a citizen already but married to someone there based on contract but my parents believe that those staying abroad don't like taking their wives along with them immediately and they don't want that to happen to their daughter p.s am their only daughter.
He told me that he will nullify the contract once he gets his permanent stay, now here is the thing, DH left naija after a month of our wedding and this is the sixth month though I have been to the US embassy twice, the first one was a visiting visa which I was denied and the second one was a family visa with my parent which we were denied as well.
Stella I am not a happy lady nowbecause my dad is already giving the attitude '' I warned you'' but my mum is being supportive because she doesn't want me to start regretting my marriage to him,
Stella the reason why I am confused is that is their a way that DH can work out my visa to go and meet him that he is not doing because he doesn't want me to be with him? because what he keeps saying that US are very sensitive that he doesn't want anything to link me and him together so that he can get what he wants and nullify his contract with the lady then he can now flaunt our relationship. Please publish my chronicles because I need people's advice and your red pen to know whether he is taking advantage of me because i don't know anything about this thing. God bless you
*Chei,that man is not ready to take you to where he is oh,he dares not,I am sure he is still very married and has no plans of divorcing just yet.The plot is to keep letting you go to the Embassy knowing you will be denied the visa so that it would not be his fault.
Your marriage must have been done traditionally which is not recognised when one applies for a spouse and i am sure he cannot send you an invite because of his situation.
My dear you are the NIGERIAN WIFE and he will keep visiting you whenever he has time .
I know someone who has been married for ten years and the hubby has not returned to Nigeria since then,infact he claims he has no papers and she has tried every means to go enter America and even buy visa but no way.You should have waited for him to get divorced before you married him..
On a second thought,you can both meet somewhere else like Dubai and discuss how to go further....I am sorry to say this but your Father was right!
It's well!
ReplyDeletePoster 1, like you I lent my bf 1.5M for some family related biz before we got married. I have been asking for my money back sotey I almost turn gramophone.
DeleteBut after the marriage he has bought a house and 3plots of land in my name. Now I only jokingly remind him he's still owing me money but I know say that money don enter voicemail.
Choose your battles wisely.
I do not support all this contract nonsense that our naija men do here. But since you are already in this mess.. Here is my advice to you. Your husband cannot be a citizen in the US and finalizing his papers at the same time. Wait and be patient... Do not be anxious or you will mess things up for your husband, future and your self. The threshold I would say is 2yrs if this is truly a contract marriage. If after 2yrs he can't bring you over then know that you entered a sham. Do not try to go to embassy anymore or it may affect things in the future especially if you are claiming to be single right now.
DeletePoster 1. You're thinking too much into it in my opinion. It's just something men do and has to do with the way we think. It's nothing malicious and has nothing to do with control.
DeleteIf you weren't married he would've given you your money back, but now that you are, he feels that the money he sends you monthly more than makes up for the borrowed money.
Women should make sure they make it clear before marriage that your money is your money whilst the husbands money is the household money. He's not doing you a favour by taking care of the house.
I really pity u poster2, cos even if divorced d first wife, ur marriage so t be recognised cos it was done while he was still married.. These guys are smart nd they are not Nigerians that anything goes ooo, u are in deep waters cos na trouble u use ur hand buy so.just dissolve this marriage nd move ahead vos ur going to abroad is a dream that might not happen if it's through this guy o
DeleteStella na lie madam ur hubby is rite u going there is to spoil things bcus if u do it hubby will not get his permanent stay am also married to a man dat stays in UK so b patient with it hubby and b prayerful dnt allow anybody deceive u.
DeleteI can't even open my mouth to tell people how much I loaned to my bf. I did it completely out of love cos he had serious problems at the time. What was I to do? Sit back and watch his biz crumble?
DeleteHe's been acting up lately but I'm confident that everyone reaps what they sow so I'm not worried. I know he'll pay me back.
Madam, you have to chill a little over this money or else it will cause a huge Crack in your marriage. Try and talk to him when he's in a good mood and explain that you need to have some money as you're not working at the moment. Don't expect to get the money all at once, just take what you can till your money is complete
Poster 2, donot let your story be like my aunts. Almost 15years after her hubby left, she hasn't gotten a visa to the U.S. He got married to a white woman for "papers", and till date, she hasn't gotten a visa. Endless refusal, she has given up. He hasn't even been able to bring his son over. Your best bet, is to nullify that marriage, and start all over, except you are comfortable with being a Nigerian wife.
DeletePoster 1, Money haa ruined alot of relationships since time immemorial. I don't really understand though, are you saying you look at your husband with disgust because of the money you lent him? Hmmmmmmm. I'm sure there are better ways to go about it, but being angry and quarrelling isn't the right way. I've learnt never to loan money I am not willing to let go. You wouldve let us in on the amount. Goodluck.
Poster 2, sowie but ur marriage is null n void as ur partner was n still remains married to someone else.
DeleteHe's guilty of bigamy, n u are not legally married.
Poster 1.. I'm not sure I like the tone of your chronicle. Please, if u can forget that money, do so. You stand to gain a lot more from him than this money, no matter how much the money is, it'll finish. But ur marriage to him is forever, and u can gain more from him now and in the future.
DeleteDo not allow this money issue spoil ur marriage. I know it's based on principles, but sometimes we have to overlook things when loved ones are involved. He seems a financially responsible person, you said he sends money for upkeep etc. Please dear, let the money go. Or u can find a way to get money off him through other means that'll replace the money. So u don't appear too rigid and unforgiving. Bottom line, in my candid opinion, leave the money. When you stop asking him he may even find a way to refund u.
Poster 2. You are on a long thing. If he's engaged in a contract marriage in the U.S, it'll take at least 5 years for him to naturalise as a citizen. 2 years with green card, and another 2 years to get his American passport. And he has to wait a little longer before he can divorce the contract wife, so that they don't suspect him. He cannot invite you to the u.s. And even if you go, you'd be frustrated because he will not be able to live with u because of his contract wife who thinks she's the real wife.
You'd be treated like a side chic there cos he'll be sneaking to come visit u, I'm not sure you'll like that arrangement. So what will u be doing there? You are better off staying in Nigeria, wait for the 5 or more years to lapse, or simply bid the marriage goodbye if u cannot wait.
And why can't he visit Nigeria? Sebi he came to Nigeria to marry you? Let him do the visiting for now na. I wish you luck
I must marry that's why you married a man that's still married.
DeletePoster 1, please forget that money and enjoy your marriage.
Poster two...small ntoor for you. Desperation have landed you inside wahala. Ndo nne.
ReplyDeleteLol.
DeleteAs in, this hustle to be Amelica wife is real. Imagine agreeing to marry a legally married man, who is gbenshing a caucasian toto legally too...oriegwu.
ThankGod he told her the truth. I just wonder why she keeps disturbing the folks at the embassy.
Sit yo ass down here nne. You are a homebase wife.
P2, he cannot bring you in if the other marriage contract is not terninated with the other woman. Be patient,I dont think he is means any harm
ReplyDeleteWetin Abroad husband go cause no be here.I don't know how girls do it.Poster 2,you have no one to blame but yourself.How can you knowingly get yourself into this kinda mess with your eyes wide open?With all the heartbreaks these abroad people cause? I really doubt that man has plans of coming back for you ,or even making plans for you to join him,cuz it'll ruin his chances of becoming a citizen.Just give yourself brain and let your people return your bride price.
DeletePoster2, u are very silly.. He didn't deny the fact that he was still married in the US, yet u married him!!! He can't take u to d US with a spouse visa nd yes ur dad is right.. It's a pity u ended up like this with ur eyes wide open
DeleteI totally agree with Miss Ess on this. The man does not mean you any harm because if he did he will not have explained things to you. He has to live with whoever he married for the papers unlike Europe. If you show your head there he might loose it because he is being watched but it takes a while though. It took my ex almost three three years for his divorce to scale through and before that time one beautiful baby boy show head for the union. If he is truthful to you he will stick to his agreement so please no go pour sansan for gari there.
DeleteLook at them, gwegs marrying married men on contracts.
DeleteAnonymous 18:38, hope you are less than 20 or at most 20? If not, don't worry, you will soon attain the "gwegz" title. Uncouth mongrel.
DeletePoster 1:
ReplyDeleteDon't see any marriage here. If you both can share your finances together, what else can you share; the two aren't one at all. When trust lacks in a marriage, everything else is eroded.
You should work in your marriage toward building trust.
When one says "spouse" one is talking about "life partner"; husband or wife. If one has chosen above (all men or) ladies to live with "this fellow' as a life partner in love; then love is all about sharing. When one say "my husband's money" or "my money" is it not an anomaly? when one shares everything intimate (including sex); if they can't have funds together; where is the oneness? Hasn't the aim of marriage been defeated? The issue of oneness is in sharing everything. The excuses many give is "I don't trust her to know how much I earn or am worth". If one is a follower of Christ; who did Jesus give "his wallet"; was it not Judas? How much trust did Jesus have for Judas? These are some of the issues that intending spouses should define in courtship.
On a personal note; my husband and I had a common "account" from the moment I accepted to marry him. He decided to put me in charge of every financial spending. He makes contributions and there is no issues about that. There is no account that we have had since marriage that bears one person's name and the mandate is "either to sign". WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT "HIS MONEY" "MY MONEY" hasn't the purpose of marriage been defeated?
Finances usually breeds quarrel among couples and the taste of the pudding is in the eating. Married for more than a decade an NEVER ARGUED is our testimony by the grace of God. When there is concealment of finances, the lady makes demands, suspect the husband of keeping a concubine etc. But when the two are open to each other in the way described above; thee will be no room for mutual suspicion!
A couple we know lived financially apart. The man is reasonably well to do but the wife dared not ask or "take his money". He gave her "handout" of money from time to time; monthly allowances etc. All his businesses were solely in his name. He took ill and his doctor gave him a damning health verdict and he had a surgery fixed. He knew that he may not come out of the theater alive. He quickly summoned his wife and took her to all his accounts and made it Joint and she could sign. Made his kids 'next of kin" in all the accounts and re-registered all his businesses with the wife's name inclusive. Even the financial aspect of the surgery and bills, the wife was in charge. He told her, "If I do not come out of the theater alive, sell all the exotic cars and keep just two" etc. IT WAS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF THE WIFE TAKING "HIS MONEY"; THE WOMAN WAS IN CHARGE. He confessed certain misdeeds to the lady and they prayed together and he got into the theater. AFTER 9 HOURS OF SURGERY, the news came . . . he survived it! It was this singular experience that changed his attitude towards family finances as concerns his wife. She knew about every penny that dropped or left the "family business" as it became.
Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." (Luke twelve vs. fifteen)
God would bless you, all this yeye women would insult you but be encouraged that you've said what a true Christian would say.
DeleteLady Igo, welcome O!
DeleteWow...very good advice.
DeleteRolanda is this you???
DeleteEye opening...thanks for this write up.
DeleteThe biggest issue is trust, as long as you trust someone then you should share it all.
Poster 1 well having experienced something similar to yours with close friends, I decided that it will only borrow money I can part with if the lender refuses to pay.
ReplyDeleteIf you keep pushing it, this money will cause fight between you too.
I'd say you should find when he is in a good mood and let him understand why you need the money at the point in your life.stop reminding him of his promises to pay back when he borrowed initially.he is your husband not just anyone and you mentioned yourself that he takes care of you.
I also understand that it's hard for people to return back large sums of money. Why not tell him instead to support you instead of mentioning the money.
Poster 2 well you were told.
It's not any easy for your husband and if he is caught, he is screwed for life. You knew what you were getting into so endure or move on.
Narrative nnumber 1....Na wa....As I dey so..I can never ever borrow any partner my money.....be my wife oo....be my husband....you are on a long thing......I can only borrow my Immediate family..tat is my bros and sis....Gaskia.
ReplyDeleteNarrative number 2.....You don enter once chance....
@Galore
Na real one chance oo
DeleteIf u can't lend money to ur husband or wife,then why marry,and if u say it is only to your family relations that u can lend to,then it is better u go and get married to them,most people don't understand the concept of two becomes one,selfishness has eroded every of our senses and that is the number one reason for many failed marriages today.
DeleteSee why I like my very bad sharp momsi
ReplyDeleteMy marriage condition was no visa, no marriage o.
Going by cases of many married but living single women in my village.
My visa was part of my bride price and till today I salute my momsi of life.
Girls wise up o.
And poster one...forget the money nah.
We all know most girls go abroad to do ashewo work.
If not, how did you get the thousands of dollars you lent supposed dh?
You only bought yourself a husband.
He did you a favour marrying an expired pussy.
So just maintain and forget d cash.
By the way now you are one..whatever belongs to you is automatically his.
Bye!
Thanks
Ma'am take it easy u spit venom! Kai
DeleteExpired pussy, hmmm nawah oo.. Did your husband married you a Virgin ? If the answer is No then that makes the two of you. Lunatic.
DeleteWhen some men open their mouth call women ashewo, a stupid woman wey be town-helper before go follow call her fellow woman ashewo. asem o
Madam "innit"
DeleteThere was absolutely no need for you to use such words. It is rather uncouth. I don't want to believe you have a very limited vocabulary that's why you resulted to insults. Take it easy.
Don't say things like that mamie. Were you with Poster 1 when she was single and working to know how she earned her money? Please learn to bridle your tongue.
DeletePoster 1,
ReplyDeleteYour money is gone!...
Just forget about it...since you guys don't live together,start adding money to the things you do in the house like your children's school fees,hospital fees etc...
If the bills are 5k,tell him it's 15k...that's how most married women earn side money from their husbands...
Biko don't break your home with your hands...
Poster 2,
What's your problem?...do you want to put sand in your husband's garri?...
Don't let your father break your home!...
Stop rushing mehn...meanwhile,bring 2.5million lemme get a 6months tourist visa for you...
Ole! Poster don't mind this yeye girl. No. One can get you a visa and don't let anyone. Mislead you. Just be calm your man will come for you when it's time.
Delete2.5mil for tourist visa, odiegwu! Green card come be how much? Contract marriage doesn't even cost that much. Plantain leaf definitely cost much less and works as well.
DeleteThat's not true Queen! You wan make big profit...... 2 years visiting visa to USA for 1.2million, two installatment payments, I will introduce you to someone, but, na you go buy the ticket o RT
DeleteBig lie! At 750k I could help you to get an American visa.
DeleteSee them...Visa processors. Nobody should waste money for visa please. If you do the right thing, you will get a visa. They just want to know if you can afford the trip, and a commitment back home. Most times though, single ladies do not get. It's really difficult, except you have a valid U.K visa.
DeleteNa wa oooo.....Naija people...don't let ignorance kill you....I got my 2 years visiting visa without paying a kobold to anyone...same as soon many ppl I know here....they didn't even check my bank statements or any other documents .....Us visa is a product of luck and self confidence in answering your questions.....if you have an invite, it might be an added advantage....don't let people dupe you cos paying that money is a gamble...it doesn't guarantee you a visa....be wise!!!!
DeletePoster 2 young husband may be saying the truth. A lot of guys over here are did this contract marriage( paying someone for residents permit) without having any sexual relationship with them.
ReplyDeleteIf the immigration people find out you are his real wife , they won't complete his papers.
Be patient and also arrange to meet him in another country like dubai as stella suggested.
poster 1,some husbands hardly payback, just forget about it and let peace reign,find a way to get the money back from him indirectly unless he doesn't provide for you and don't give him again,always act as if you don't have a dime,mine still owes me and still wants me to loan him more I don't ,except I want to spend like buying fuel in my car and some stuffs for my self .
Deleteposter 2,how can you marry a man knowing fully he has a wife with him,be it contract or not,who told you he wants you to come over?hmmmm you're the Nigeria wife and I bet you he is not divorcing her anytime soon, carry your cross I'm disappointed at some ladies, in this civilised world one still believes some old crap,why won't u settle for a happy home with a man in Nigeria? now US man is playing u,it had better sink into u,collect all the money you can from him, set your self up and move on with your life.I dislike 'obodo oyibo' husband .
Poster two- but sometimes you people make us feel like we are wasting our time. How many times have we trashed out this your issue on this blog ehn? Would it have been to hard to visit him in the US before comitting to marriage? Advice to all babes intending to marry away husband, countries at enow closer because of technology and ease of communication. Please VISIT before you marry. Planned or unplanned. But I suggest unplanned. Just give him a call and tell him you're in his country.
ReplyDeleteHow do you visit if you don't have a visa?e no easy as you dey talk am so.
DeleteI agree we've trashed this issue here over and over, I don't know why babes are been so desperate and dumb.
*Are now closer
DeletePoster 1- Well, what love covers marriage will open. You know your husband better and he might be holding it not to give you financial independence. However, as a student how did u make that money? If he didn't give it to you and maybe your exes did you should have not given it to him. I'm of the impression that you don't give a man money he can't give to you. Because you will make him more suspicious. Except of course you can fully defend your source.
Ada nne.... see ehn marriage no be joke. If u must save and/or borrow just to go and see for yourself. Yes. If he's worth it in d end you go tell am say na loan u take waka come oh. Make him support with ticket balance. If he's not u go back to naija and pay your bills with plenty Abeg. But at least you have peace of mind rather than marrying without confirmation. For me to be with an 'away' guy now we have to be hooked up by a family member who knows him well. Otherwise I won't bother. (Even at that sef) . Cos these guys I no trust one bit. Anyway, all this doesn't matter cos poster is already in there *sigh*
Delete@Poster 1, so sorry about that, I don't think he will give you. I think you should tell him that you borrowed the money from a friend and the person is now disturbing you for her money, but I'm afraid he won't buy this idea.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, you should have asked for our advise before you marry your obodo Oyinbo man, I no dey trust this guys living abroad abeg, any man that will marry me without taking me to his base is a no no for me. You're in for a long thing, now follow you mind.
*Larry was here*
And poster one.....
ReplyDeleteNow that you've been refused 2 ice
I don't see your means of travelling to usa again cos they might have banned you for some period.
I'd advice you get a very good visa agent to weigh other options..I know one! or better still now that you are still young...return your bride price and get back to the mkt.dh seems to care less about u coming over.next thing now he will return and give u belle.
Thanks again
Abegi American don't place ban on applicants like that in as much as you haven't done anything shady. Na so una go dey talk anyhow.
DeleteThey can't ban her, an her for what? People get their visa on fourth attempt or 5th self. Please don't mislead the poster abeg!
DeleteHello ndi I must be Mrs by force. You both made your beds, have a nice nap
ReplyDeleteI'm really getting fucking scared of this marriage thing. I thought marriage was "two becoming one". I can't imagine lending my girlfriend money, not to talk of wife! No! Whatever I give her is for keeps. I will never expect it in return. Same should apply to her. That's true love. I just hope there's a different species of ladies that patronise this blog cos if all women had the mentality the clowns here have, I no dey marry again. It is always money money money. Na ashawo full this blog sef? You lent your hubby money, and you came to a public forum to report him! Una sabi wetin marriage mean at all?
DeleteIburo ezigbo mmadu cha cha. Lmao
DeleteU sound very stupid @anony 15:14, if u ain't got no advice for them just STFU instead of displaying ur stupidity here!!!
Delete@Blunt, marriage is sweet. I mean very sweet. I gave my then bf some of my savings to buy a car and get an apartment. I have never asked for it cos I did it for us. Truth is he should have paid cos it's a loan but then you guys are married now. Let it go!
DeletePoster two how can u open ur eyes n marry a man who has a wife abroad? U mumu? Or na old age? Just chill in nigeria cos u r d nigerian wife.
ReplyDeletePoster 2:
ReplyDeleteWhen you signal that you are GAME, you get played. That was what you did. Why was there desperation; to go to USA? This same place I live in? Most NIgerians here who are not married in Nigeria before coming (I am married) play these games. The ladies on those contracts are no fools. They will get pregnant and have kids for him so that once the papers are ready and they want a divorce; yes that's what it is, then these ladies will claim child support and home and the man will be thrown to the street to start afresh. You made a mistake by not listening to your dad. You mom thought like most women; just marry and go abroad.
The way forward is to just live with this mistake and if you know Christ, you should pray and he will deliver you from this quagmire. The situation is bleak. besides, if he signed the papers with you here in Nigeria and the embassy finds out, it is bigamy, a crime and he will be in jail for a long time.
Poster one ur money has entered voicemail.
ReplyDeleteYour comments usually make me laugh. Hmmmmm love and desperation, these two things can push person inside gutter. Konny man die na konny man bury am. Okpolo eye no be open eye.
DeletePoster 1, are you kidding me?
ReplyDeleteSo ur horseband can give you money anytime you ask for without demanding for a refund but he must return any money you gave him.
In essence, his money is yours but yours is not his.
SMH. Women and their wayo
James business is business. He should give her money biko
DeleteAll this "in the abroad horseband"
ReplyDeleteThat's how one ibo guy made a lady I knew wen I was growing up to have only 1 child, the guy married d lady in d Village Tranditional, d lady got pregnant immediately after d guy married her, n shortly after he left, the don finish University last time I checked n d so called "father" never com back, for about 20yrs now, the lady due to church church wey she dey do she couldn't remarry
Post 1: why didn't tell your hubby that the money wasn't yours, that u borrowed it to help him
Post 2: hmmmmmmm if no court wedding, OYO is your case
Poster 2, tell him you're 3 weeks pregnant and watch his reaction
DeleteThere's no way he was going to marry her in court, no freaking way.
DeletePoster2: I actually think ur husband is right. I live in the US and trust me i'm quite familiar with the immigration dos and dont's. Your must have had a temporary permanent residence status the first two years of the marriage after which he will apply together with his obodo oyibo wife to get his 10years greencard. And with this if u calculate (3yrs don waka). Then he has to divorce her marry u officially and will wait a bit bfore filing for u and before them go answer if he is not a citizen . Brethren the whole waiting period will take (4-5yrs). Stop going to b embassy and ruining ur chances jst like ur hubby told u.
ReplyDeleteI would advice that he invites u as his fiancee that doesnt even take up to 3months . then u guys go to d registry in the states ur paper go run 70miles/hr come meet you. Cheers!
True. If he gets his papers and has terminated his marriage contract and is a citizen, fiancee visa is the quickest and all these take time like you rightly said. Omo, long thing.
DeleteReread what you wrote again. "Invite her as his fiancee, and go to registry" How? Go to registry to do what? A married man. Do you want him to commit "Bigamy"? This your advice can only work for a single man/woman.
DeleteSame principle applies to Australia here, my neighbours wife went thru hell waiting for his wife to come over. Secretly cheating & living like a single man.... I'd say the wait killed the union, at a point he lost interest in the lady, blame it on the australian bomb pussy he was getting illegally.
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteIt really might be difficult getting your money back as you are now married to him, even if you tell him twas your savings or anything, he'd just tell you to ask him when you need money.. Sorry,your money might be gone.
Poster 2
Like seriously??? Sorry, but you really must be dumb to have agreed to marry someone who's married! He being outside the country is not even the issue but you marrying someone cos he promised to divorce his wife. Why didn't you allow him divorce her first????mtscheeeew #pissed
Keep calm please. There's arrangee marriage where the woman is paid and she is aware the marriage is a sham. It only takes about 4 yrs to get certain things sorted and a divorce granted.
DeleteDon't always jump into conclusions biko.
Poster one is so naive. Is this supposed to be an issue now? This is why some guys prefer older ladies as wives than the early twenties. Una wahala plenty.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, stop wasting your time. The man is deceiving u. He just wants a Toto he can gbensh skin to skin anytime he comes to Nigerian.
ReplyDeleteTell your people to return the bride price so you can be free to marry another horseband. I just don't understand why you are so desperate.
I assume you are short, fat and ugly.
Time does not wait for women when it comes to marriage. Do quick and marry. Before you reach 30 something years and men will start only gbenshing u and running away.
Poster 1,see ur mouth. Why didn't u collect back ur money first before accepting his marriage proposal? U were so desperate that u needed d ring first b4 any other thing! Why are u complaining now? That's how u ladies will continue to cheapen urselves at d mere healing of 'marriage'.
ReplyDeleteBTW must u collect ur money back?Is he not ur husband now? Has he not been taking care of u financially?Or are u one of those heartless women who believe it's SOLELY d husband's job to cater for d family? Rubbish. Better forget about that money issue before it breaks ur home & defeats ur idea of borrowing it to him in d first place. U even seem like someone with a bad character. Kindly humble urself & beg ur husband for money to start up something in life,instead of tormenting him over "borrowed money". I don talk my own oo.
Well said @Flex . It be like say na me just write dis comment.
DeletePoster 1,see ur mouth. Why didn't u collect back ur money first before accepting his marriage proposal? U were so desperate that u needed d ring first b4 any other thing! Why are u complaining now? That's how u ladies will continue to cheapen urselves at d mere healing of 'marriage'.
ReplyDeleteBTW must u collect ur money back?Is he not ur husband now? Has he not been taking care of u financially?Or are u one of those heartless women who believe it's SOLELY d husband's job to cater for d family? Rubbish. Better forget about that money issue before it breaks ur home & defeats ur idea of 'borrowing' it to him in d first place. U even seem like someone with a bad character. Kindly humble urself & beg ur husband for money to start up something in life,instead of tormenting him over "borrowed money". I don talk my own oo.
Poster 2,when desperation meets marriage,ur predicament is d result. I'll advise u to pray so dat God will help u out,simple
DeletePoster two idi stupid, very silly somebody. So you want him to divorce his wife and marry you? Wicked and heartless soul. You have seen what you are looking for na. Nobody is divorcing anybody - news flash. The woman that made it possible for him to get resident permit fa. You have entered one chance. You better redeclear your status single, so that suitors will still try their lucks because as it is now, you are the side wife that none of his friends know about.
ReplyDeleteCall the man back to naija to discussbte way forward with him, it's either he brings you in as the second wife (which you are) or you tell the legal wife. You are evil tho
You are quite ignorant and do not know how things work in the US hence all this gibberish.
DeleteI must marry syndrome. Killing Nigerian women since the 1400s
ReplyDeleteNigerian women no dey hear word! How can u marry a man who is still legally married to another woman(even if na contract marriage). U are supposed to wait till the divorce is final b4 marriage. The easiest way for you to get a US visa, is if your horseband invites u as his wife, but that's not possible since he already has a legal wife in d US. Stop wasting your time and resources going to d US embassy.
ReplyDeletePoster 1...Please forget that money so that it will not cause problems between you and your husband. The mistake has already been done. Forget about the money. Poster 2. You have made a big mistake by marrying someone's husband. A man is married whether for papers or not. If you want to marry someone, then let him be free before you do so. Unfortunately you are a second wife and you are committing bigamy. It is better you divorce him and let him face his family. If you married him traditionally then u better return that bride price. You are I for a big shock!
ReplyDeletePoster 2...why would you marry some1 like that?Husband don finish for Nija?May God help you oo
ReplyDeletePoster 1: men don't usually pay back sure loan. Guess you've learnt ur lesson,tho it's painful but let it go so ur home can have peace.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: just be praying to God to change things for you. Aboard marriage where the man is over there nd u over in Nigeria re no marriage especially wen the man is not the type that visits offend. Keep praying to change things for you to be in ur favour.
Stella, please stop misleading this babe!
ReplyDeleteDear poster that man loves you for him to have told you he had a contract marriage which is what most people over there do, in fact most people get there and break up with their spouses here in Nigeria
Poster I am in the same boat with you, Just Dat I was lucky, got my visiting visa this year and I visited DH
You are very lucky he is a citizen already, he will divorce the woman soon but he has to go about it in the smartest way possible.
If he divorces her and files for you immediately there might be suspicion by US immigration... they might even delay your Greencard
The best advice is to keep trying to enter US through visiting visa or a student visa(probably apply for masters)
Then when you get to US, hubby can later divorce the lady and file for you.
It's not easy dating or being married to pple in the diaspora but always worth it in the end if your partner really loves you... you have to exercise some patience my dear... and be prayerful too
I remember I prayed and had faith when applying for my visiting visa and I was favoured, I didn't spend up to 5mins with the consular and it was approved... I knew I had to see my husband.
Just believe it will work out
P.S Your father was not right☺
I hope you find this useful.
Stop giving bad advice. How can you be happy marrying someone else's husband, paper or no paper. Hope you don't regret your decision.
DeleteI don't know you bit you are married to a cursed man. A man who uses a woman for marriage with plans to dump her is cursed and your children will be cursed. I've seen them in their hundreds , cursed souls with demons no one can ever break the yoke off. Marriage is not a joke with God but a covenant. Watch these words
DeleteAnon... Pele oh, I'm soo blessed you don't wanna know how, No regrets my dear. I have a good job here, hubby has a good job there, Any which way it all works out well...
DeleteAnd for your info, the contract wife knows me...ntooor😄
Temitope you and your horseband are living a life of perpetual adultery. Plus you both have made a mockery of marriage, which should be sacred. I can only pray for forgiveness.
DeleteHi anonymouses, it's been 5 years and these words I wrote up there still haunt me. I can only ask for forgiveness because truly, it's been a life full of regrets and depression for 5 years now.
DeleteI won't give up though, I know God is the divine restorer, I know there is a God, I know when situations seem out of our hands and when we realize our folly and where we missed it, only He can turn the hands of things for us.
It hurts DEEPLY that I made those mistakes especially with something as sacred as marriage.
I searched for this post and I knew I had to come back to write this. I can only pray for forgiveness and to be made whole again by God.
WOW...........
Deletei will be taking these to todays in house news ok?see you there!!!
Poster 2,when desperation meets marriage,ur predicament is d result. I'll advise u to pray so dat God will help u out,simple.
ReplyDeleteStella D'Kork has said it all.
ReplyDeletePoster2, I hv lots and lots of friends, sisters,auntie n colleagues like u
ReplyDeleteJust relax u ain't going nowhere
Poster1 wat was ur story again?
OK whenever I spend money in d house(probably to buy some expensive stuff at home )or mistakenly gv dh money,I DO NOT expect it in return
Gud example was wen I used my salary to get a loan frm d bank to augument his biz, I never asked for it even tho he kept saying he'll pay bck. I never expected it. D BNK deducted d capital n interest frm my salary for gud 3yrs and dt money did help
This was like 9yrs ago. Within these yrs,he got a car for me but didn't pay d loan and wen ever d thought gets to him ,he still says he will definitely pay me one day even wen I dnt think of it anymore. Bottom line is,DO NOT give ur hubby money if u need it in return just forget it.if he pays,fine! If he doesn't,not bad
So my dear,remove ur mind frm it now o
Poster 1,see ur mouth. Why didn't u collect back ur money first before accepting his marriage proposal? U were so desperate that u needed d ring first b4 any other thing! Why are u complaining now? That's how u ladies will continue to cheapen urselves at d mere healing of 'marriage'.
ReplyDeleteBTW must u collect ur money back?Is he not ur husband now? Has he not been taking care of u financially?Or are u one of those heartless women who believe it's SOLELY d husband's job to cater for d family? Rubbish. Better forget about that money issue before it breaks ur home & defeats ur idea of borrowing it to him in d first place. U even seem like someone with a bad character. Kindly humble urself & beg ur husband for money to start up something in life,instead of tormenting him over "borrowed money". I don talk my own oo.
Chai!!!scam marriages
ReplyDeletePoster one,abeg forget about the money...or tell him a harsh tone abt how he isn't sincere to you in terms of money,he will hurriedly and angrily send it back it to you.But if he doesn't pay you back,just forget it cos most men are selfish.
ReplyDeletePoster two,my sister in law waited for almost 8years before she joined her hubby tho he wasn't married there.Its to easy to get your papers when you ain't buoyant there,exercise some patience...the mistake has been made already.
Poster one. Don't stop asking for the money, keep pressing him for it till he give you back. It's yours.
ReplyDeletePoster two. Lord of the ring. Dem go call you when your turn to go American don reach. Go calm down for now and make yourself happy. Na one chance you enter o.
Poster2,you have to exercise some patience with your "horseband". That trend is so common here, as that is the only way out. What I don't understand is why he is in a hurry to marry you knowing his situation. He should have waited to divorce his "contract wife" before getting you involved. Pray for him so that his papers goes smoothly, if not you will remain in Naija till God knows when. A lot of this"contract wives" are small devils, I'm talking from experience. Your father is right anyways.
ReplyDeleteLols @small devils
DeleteSome of dem fall in love and would not want to let go easily, so I would advice the poster 2 to return the bride price and remarry in Nigeria. No be everybody dey destined to travel go America.
Poster 2, your marriage will not be recognized by the US even if he divorces the wife, because he was still married when you supposedly married him.
ReplyDeleteI think you were desperate to travel, hence, you didn't bother knowing his condition over there.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't look like he's divorcing her anytime soon,otherwise he would have done it teh teh. Like stella said, you are the nigerian wife, sorry.
Just know that he can't jeopardize his stay there because of you. But he can't tell you that.
Stella your advice to poster 2 is totally wrong. Dear poster 2 your husband got his GC through arrange marriage and He can not file for you unless He becomes a full US citizen. Having said He needs to be careful so that USCIS will not know that it's an arrange thing if not they will revoke his GC and deport him.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 my mum would have been the best person to give you advice you cannot owe her, unfortunately she doesn't read this blog even with all the radical evangelism i have done to make her a convert. Try to beat him at his own game, look for ways to make money off him until you get back your money, keep asking for your money while you are doing that so it wont look suspicious.
ReplyDeleteI never comment, but had to in this case, poster 2 you know your husband and need to be able to tryst him, I know people on here think you are getting played but I would use myself as an example, I am a citizen and went into a contract marriage with my friend, we have never so much as kissed or slept together. Luckily neither of us are ready to get married, he got his conditional permanent residence card 2yrs ago, until my birthday later this year before the condition is removed, and if he is smart he would wait a year to become a citizen cos is 3yrs to become a citizen if married to a citizen. There is really nothing he can do to get you here except write an invitation letter as a friend. And that would look suspicious once it is time to file your papers for you. So trust ur instincts and don't listen to harbingers of doom who don't understand the system before crucifying hubby.
ReplyDeleteP2
ReplyDeleteHe told you his married to get paper and you wanna go and mess it up? How wicked can you be?
If its known by the govt that hes married to 2 women he will be deported you know cos they will know hes marriage there is arranged.
P1.
Abeg like you women ever pay back money borrowed you.
I must marry Americana. You are not better than a single girl.
ReplyDeletePoster one: it seems ure not serious. You learnt a man all of your savings,All you saved as a single girl. You better let it go or do You want the money to destroy your marriage? It's obvious ure not getting that money back so why let it ruin your marriage and you lose both ways. It's extremely unfortunate..I was almost starting to feel headache for u when u said it's not even a few thousand dollars,then I remembered it's not my money. My dear,you better let that money go.There's nothing you can do about it,and if I were your husband Id naturally be pissed you're still asking,especially with him footing your bills and all. Here's what you can do though,when he's in a good mood,playfully and lovingly let him know he has taken all your life savings from you and what if there's and emergency and u need extra cash,you can even help him work out a payment plan.laugh about it,but make him know ure serious. Maybe the way you're going about it is very annoying to him and he can't even wrap his head around the fact that ure still asking. Ure his wife girl,woman,know thy husband and walk with him respectfully and accordingly.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I pray God helps you.
And how do you know he wasn't trying to play her? Onyeoma cy why did he marry her if he knew he still get paper wahala.
ReplyDelete*lent*
ReplyDeleteGbam! You sabi the way.
ReplyDeleteNa una dey shout, I dont support divorce but half of you here are married to divorced men. In the sight of God, who abides by the law of the land...you be second wife. Yet you will abuse women around you and on the blog and call them second hand meanwhile all of you don marry second hand husband. Only a fraction of these men do true pay and no relationship. A tiny fraction, do not be fooled.
ReplyDeleteGbam! You sabi the way.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or did poster 2 say he's a citizen already? I will advice you, if you guys are legally married and you think he's actually playing you, then you can fight for yourself. Take your marriage certificate to the embassy and tell them you are married, include pictures and he will be charged for bigamy... That way he won't have the last laugh
ReplyDeletePoster 2. Here is my candid advice. Be patient. All this horror stories you are hearing is not your portion. I was once in your shoes . people kept telling me hubby wasn't going to come back to get me. I ignored all n went on my knees and prayed to God. My prayer point was " what God has joined together,let no man, visa, immigration. ... put assunder. Hubby n I spoke everyday and he kept the process 100% transparent with me.Its not easy what they go through in the United States n trust me you will thank him later because he has already made it easy for you when you arrive. Long story short, it took me 1 year n 9 months before I joined hubby n I am sincerely grateful to him for securing our stay in the US. Just keep praying for him . Pray also that the lady doing the papers for him is a good person. Some akatas are evil though. Just pray. God will turn things around for you. Plus get something doing while you are waiting so that you don't get bored. Be patient.
ReplyDeletePoster 1. sorry,your money is gone with the wind...
ReplyDeleteBut if you insist on retrieving your money...
Sorry,your marriage is gone with the wind...
Choose one and be wise...
Poster 2. Please be patient and pray more. I was once in your shoes but now living happily with hubby. Yes the process takes a while but believe me you will thank him later. It took me 1 year n 9 months before I joined hubby. It wasn't easy but God was with us. Keep your self busy with something while you are waiting. Everything will turn around for your good.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 see there's hope!
DeleteChronicles ar always full of lessons. Both women in this chronicle are desperadoes.
ReplyDeleteSorry to digress but I feel so broken, I am loosing the man I love for someone else and I feel so helpless to do anything about it, after having a big fight he suddenly just left me for her, I cry every single day I feel so shattered...What can I do please help bv's
ReplyDeleteI think you should go down on your knees to pray, if he is yours he will come back to you. The other lady might use a diabolical means to hold him down you know? Women are desperate so pray!
DeleteAnonymous 16:39 pour her acid biko! No time to cry
DeleteIgnore Anon 19:23, very stupid advice.
DeleteA better man will come your way, I was like that when my I left my ex. Am far in a better place, guess what? He's still where I left him. You are better off.
DeleteGod will give you an Angel for your loss. Brace up your self. Make some lemonades from the lemons dearie
Please forget him. Try!
DeleteYour brothers are wise by waiting to be divorced first before getting married in Nigeria. At least then they will be single than putting a woman through pains.
ReplyDeleteHehehehehehe Abeg it's not by force 2 marry. Poster 1 & 2 done enta 1 chance
ReplyDeletePoster 1 4get abt dat borrowed money, he is ur husband,so don't allow money 2 break ur home. Poster2 don't be 2 desperate 2 go travel out, u already knws he did a contract marriage, so y d rush? Be patient with him be4 u go and put sand in his garri. Mrs
ReplyDeletePoster 1- learn your lesson, never borrow money out that you can't let go. So just forget about the money so it doesn't cause a big strain on your marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- You need a miracle cos your DH is still married hmmmm.
My darling, in marriage don't expect everything to happen the right way. Sometimes as a wife, you have to let some things slide, even if it's well within your right to act a certain way, for peace to reign. You asked what is different now? You were his girlfriend then, you are his wife now. Yes, sweetie, a wife is different from a girlfriend. As a wife you must submit to your hubby, that's why marrying the right person is key. If you marry well, submission comes effortlessly.
ReplyDeleteYou are still a young lady and from the tone of your story, I'm guessing your marriage is relatively new, no? You have a lot to learn. If you want your marriage to work, the first thing you must do is, perish the tit for tat mentality. A wife can never be equal with her hubby, a wife is under her husband. If you want the women liberation lifestyle, marriage isn't for you. Don't get me wrong, it's not about being subservient or being a door mat, no, those fall under emotional abuse. I am referring to a lifestyle where you acknowledge your hubby as your king and you his Queen.
You must give him the respect whether or not he deserves it. Loyalty is a choice. Sometimes as a wife, you choose to be loyal not necessarily because your hubby deserves it but because you want to play the role of a good wife.
You have to compromise, learn to be patient and don't always expect the same from him. Yeah, my darling, it may seem oppressive but trust me,if your reward doesn't come from him, it will come from God . A lot of new marriages crash because some ladies carry the courtship mentality into marriage. Marriage isn't for the fainthearted. Like my mum always says "if you keep putting your foot down in a marriage, sooner or later, there will be no foot left to put down".
Write off that money as a bad debt. Take it as a seed you've sown into your hubby's life. Which is more important to you, your money or your marriage? The mistake has already been made when you loaned him the money during courtship and couldn't get it back before you got married.
Honey, if you are already resentful over an unpaid debt, what will you do when more serious issues spring up in your marriage? You have to start learning to be a wise wife. A wise wife knows when to bark without biting and bite without barking. The geographical distance between both of you is wide enough, please don't allow an emotional distance set in because that may well be the end of the marriage. Don't bring up the loan issue anyone, that's water under the bridge. If you really love your man, don't rock the boat. You may be surprised that with a calmer and sweeter attitude towards him, he will give you twice of what he owes you without you asking.
Explore your feminine powers. You act helpless even if when you have balls of steel. There isn't a normal man, regardless of how hard-hearted he may be, who wouldn't melt for the feminine tenderness. Don't show independence even if you are. Allow him feel like a man and watch him treat your like a woman. All the best.
#e-bearhugs.
I was about to say trash but I had a rethink, teah, I agree about acting helpless to get that money back. The damsel in distress
DeleteCorrect advise, bfor u know it ur husband would be distant from u emotionally poster 1 nd u might lose ur home bcos of money, let it go but playfully tell him u need money to start up a business without quareling. A word is enough for d wise
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeletelend what you can afford to lose. Right now my money outside is 500k, 200k,40k,20k. i have already written all of them off and if they decide to pay back it will be like free money to me. Before i part with money i will say a little prayer. God you said we should be our brothers keeper. i am loaning this money out to my friend at 0% interest if they decide to pay me back fine and if they choose not to pay be back fine. God send my own helper. Simple. the more i give the more blessing i have so i dont care....
POSTER 2.
your husband is still married to the woman. You are suppose to apply for spouse visa not visiting visa. Spouse visa all things being equal takes less than 6 months for processing from the day of application at the embassy. Be patient things will be fine. My friends wife waited for 5 years to join her husband because there was little complication.
It would have been likelier he would pay back if you two were still dating. But as it stands now, just chill out. Device some other means to get back the money albeit in bits cos if you try to get it in whole, he would find out.
ReplyDeleteWtf is "Likelier"? You well So?
DeletePoster one abeg go begin look for a mother husband if you don't want heart ache. It's either your husband is not yet a citizen or he doesn't want to divorce his American wife. Feelings change you know. I know a guy that came here with a student visa, he was in a very serious relationship back home. But when things became tough, he got married to another babe here and told the Nigerian babe to move on. This was a girl he dated for long and has introduced to both families as wife to be. Thank God they have not legally married. condition can make crayfish bend,and that included love.
ReplyDeletei read your story, and as a psych person i could see the rage you are writing with, am so sorry to say, you are not in love with this hubby of yours, am so certain you got married for a particular reason( untold), possibly you use the money as a bait and now you are married and need your money back.Mi Lady, A simple Question, if the equation was turned around, you are the bread winner of the family etc , will you return it back?
ReplyDelete@Poster 2 my candid advice is be patient with your hubby because as it is he just has his conditional permanent residency with him, He still has to renew it after two years then the conditions on the green card will be removed after which he will wait for a year and be due for citizenship. Please don't get yourself fucked up by rushing if your husband is faithful, he will pull thru become a citizen and file for you. Truth is he can not file for you with a green card, that takes forever to be approved but as a citizen and gainfully employed it takes just three months. All the best!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: The guy cannot be a US citizen and also waiting for his permanent stay. It's either one or the other. Marriage is not something that should be played with, and I'm very skeptical about a "marriage by contract". Since you haven't done a legal marriage with him, move on with your life. You deserve better and you will find better.
ReplyDelete