CONFUSED ABOUT WHOM TO MARRY.
Dear Stella,
Thank you for your support thus far(am the lady that sells coconut oil in Abuja)
My chronicle is a bit lengthy but will try to summarise it.
Am a 27 year old lady who is currently looking for a better job.
Am currently in a dilemma as regards my relationship and would appreciate mature advice from Blog Visitors.
I am in a relationship with( Let me call him A) we have been in a relationship for five years now. We have had our fair share of issues but have come to understand each other now. A is a business man( we met at the University), but he is just growing as he he doesn't have much but has great visions and he's very hardworking. He sends me money from the little money he makes which is small( Note that the amount he sends me is usually between the ranges of 2k-5k) but he's caring and wants the best for me.
Thank you for your support thus far(am the lady that sells coconut oil in Abuja)
My chronicle is a bit lengthy but will try to summarise it.
Am a 27 year old lady who is currently looking for a better job.
Am currently in a dilemma as regards my relationship and would appreciate mature advice from Blog Visitors.
I am in a relationship with( Let me call him A) we have been in a relationship for five years now. We have had our fair share of issues but have come to understand each other now. A is a business man( we met at the University), but he is just growing as he he doesn't have much but has great visions and he's very hardworking. He sends me money from the little money he makes which is small( Note that the amount he sends me is usually between the ranges of 2k-5k) but he's caring and wants the best for me.
My dilemma is this I recently met a guy who is doing quite well and we have this crazy connection ( note, I don't mean the sex kind of attraction as I am a child of God who is still a virgin). We speak like we have been friends for a long time.
And he made me question my 5 years relationship with A. He wants us to get married soon and move to the States.
My major dilemma is A wants us to have an introduction by December but not wedding as he doesn't have the funds for it. Stella, I come from an average family and I have two sisters who are married but are still struggling. Sometimes they call my parents for money to support them. This really saddens me and I don't want to pass through what they facing. Both guys are terrific people and they possess similarities in their character(intelligent, hard working, caring, cool headed e.t.c). Have started falling in love with the new guy though I love guy A.
As an individual, am compelled to choose the new guy as I really don't want to suffer and he's a pretty good person too while also skeptical as am used to A( the devil you know is better than the angel you don't).
The new guy wants introduction in November.(PS have only known the new guy for a Month).
I have not had sex with any and don't intend to as I feel premarital sex is wrong besides they are also great Christians. In addition, the new guy knows about my current relationship but he's so convinced we are meant for each other. Another major issue is that my family is so used to A and it will be difficult for them to warm up to the new guy but A is not ready for marriage yet.
Please blog visitors, advice me on what to do as am really confused. God bless you Stella.
AMEN....If A was my brother,i would beg you to wait for him,if you were my sister,I would ask you to go for the new guy....it depends on where your heart really wants to be..SEARCH YOURSELF.
How long will you be engaged to A in this Nigeria's bad economy?When will he make a break through financially?are you ready to wait?desperate for marriage?
How are you sure the new guy is serious sef?
Follow your heart cos you are the one who will live with the consequences.
*Goes back to read story*
If i was you,i would go for the new guy..Life is a risk and you will never know unless you take it.
Chronicles!!!
ReplyDeleteBrb.
*****LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*****
My dear, I was in your shoes some years ago. Dated A for 5 years, met B and was married to him in 6 months, a virgin. A is still struggling and B cheats like there is no tomorrow. You are between d devil and d blue sea. I will advice u not to rush into marriage with B, get to know him well before u make up your mind. A has no money so advice him not to rush things. Well, like they say, it's better to cry in a Ferrari than in a keke or okada.
DeleteLucille all these maraba girls ehn so you have 2boow and you add me for single and mingle which kind unfaithful life be this c your mouth like virgin no be only virgin na Virginia
DeleteNow I know why many women are not financially blessed,it is because they hope on man to change their status,why not encourage your man to go learn a trade like hair dressing or catering and learn it very
Deletewell and see how your fortunes will change,you too should get a skill,what business is the new guy doing that your old guy can't do,be very careful,some guys will spend so much in the beginning but will later start requesting for money from you.
Poster u have been waiting for Mr A five yrs now.. lemme tell u something U don't love Mr A.. u were with Mr A because there was no other option. Now Mr B is here and u want to leave ur bf because u have found some else... pls Mr B wanna f**k u,. He wants to b d one to open ur tin. Use ur head.
DeleteMr A intro is decem,.. Mr B intro is November.. Y is mr B in a hurry to do everything before Mr A.?
I would advice you to really get to know the new guy well at least 6months before agreeing to marry him. Guy B can't be this good without having some baggage..he may have plenty women on the line and maybe this nice cos the advantage of knowing you have guy A which may make him pretend to be a saint..if Guy A knows there is a competitor he may step up by trying to bring the marriage closer. Guy A has been patient and kind and you have testified to that, remember that rushing into marriage without a good income isn't the best, you don't wanna end up like your sisters. Take it easy after all you are not up to 30 yrs yet which I always advice people to get to before eating into any kind of marriage. If you are so desperate then give Guy A and ultimatum and let's see if he wont go find money even if it means his village contributing. ..hehehe. best wishes dear..don't forget that God is still in the business of answering prayers. He knows best.
DeleteMy dear, I'd advise you to go for B. Especially in this economic climate. I am speaking from experience. Na love you want chop? Men change so your God fearing husband material Mr A, might start misbehaving after marriage and to make things worse he might still be struggling. Please this is not materialism, it's just being smart. Marry Mr B, if he lives to your expectations then you hit the jackpot. If he doesn't then handle him as most women are handling naughty men lol. But please and please know that poverty is a disease.
DeletePoster follow anon 17:27's advice. She's talking from experience and I see sense in waiting and studying B first
DeleteBelieve me Coconut oil girl is simply bored in her relationship with A
DeleteLucile,I'm sure it's you...
ReplyDeleteSo if we leave you now,you will enter into poverty with your korokoro eyes abi?...
Are you still asking questions?...marry the new guy shaperly!...
Who Oga adi nma epp?..
Say no to poverty!...infact reject it in Jesus name...
Madam I hail.
DeleteAbeg I follow am reject poverty
DeleteLolllll
DeleteQueen queen lol
DeleteWell you can never tell but that 2-5k no be am oh! At all. You will compound your family's problem
DeleteLinda Eze, dropping it like it's hot. Lol
DeleteWhat If Mr B con broke afta marriage, wetin u go do.
DeleteMa papa det always talk say, "Marry a GOD fearing and hardworking man and things will fall into place".
What If hes a caring boyfriend but stingy husband?
My husband and I use to share a peice of meat but today we have more than we need. Never say Never
LucilE is married
DeleteWell, if B is doing well and ready to marry u n also take u away sharp sharp, then I'm sure ur family won't object.
ReplyDeleteIf u choose to wait for A, who knows when he'll hit d jackpot? Maybe years from now and how old are u again? Do the math?
Story of my life,I followed B and under 2mnths of knowing him we got married and 10yrs down the line,3kids,no regrets. No be all boyfriends must end up be husbands nau
DeleteIt's 50-50. A can hammer and become a monster later while B will be calm headed cos he's been comfortable from the onset. Me sha, I would delay the introduction with A and study B well. If I confirm B is for real id tell A I'm moving on. My family? If ask them if they aren't tired of beggy-beggy children yet?
DeleteYou have known A for 5 years and he has waited for you, valuing your morals.
ReplyDeleteHe isn't rich but he gives the little he has. Who says he can't be riCher tomorrow?
You just met B and from all indications you like the comfort he brings which is fine but what happens if you marry him and travel to Europe and he unleashes his demon if he has one. I think it's too short a time to think he is the one.
Yes he knows about A but the thing about humans is the desire to want the things that others have.
Oh well you need to help your family right? B will cover that aspect so why not but don't come here crying when you discover all is not what it seems like.
The devil you know is greater than the devil you don't know.
Mr B not Mr A that is broke...
DeleteGbam..Doppel always on point..Im a big fan
DeleteDoppelganger know this, am an official fan of yours.. I pray you continue to make these reasonable comments that you churn out here daily
DeleteDoppler, God bless u forever
DeleteI tink poster's problem is d *excitement* of d new ting,d difference....i ve a problem with relationships,That stays too long sef,n pls dnt 4get d fact dar Mr A doesn't ve money now,n as dey say,wen ppl ve money u kn their true colour..if I were u,i will pray well,also pray 4 who will give u peace of mind.its nt like u must b like ur sisters u cn work hard,n make money urself n help ur family.pls Tk ur time..study Mr b.1month is too short,tk ur time like I sed...marriage is a long tinnnnnnnnn+ @doppel kisses
DeleteAll i got 4 u is respect,the only reasonable fellow on dis block
DeleteHmm this is a dilemma really. Poster i dnt knw wot to say, wat if after u married the new guy,A then makes it n the new guy begins struggling. Wat if u marry A n end up poor hungry. I think u need to pray abt both men, mk a decision n stick to it.
ReplyDeleteGet to know new guy first.
ReplyDeleteTell both of them to push intro till next year.
After all if new guy goes broke you'll be left with his character alone.
Get to know him well first. One month is too short to switch camps.
Why is the second man in a hurry? America again? Nne,why not take things easy, all that glitters isnt gold oh. God can change a man's situatiin around in a split second. I will say you really need God to make the right decision but dont rush God. Cheers
ReplyDeleteDifficult situation but I will give A a chance. Waiting indefinitely for wedding is not easy. Once u do introduction, he will want to pop ur cherry
ReplyDeleteI know how it feels and I've been in ur situation befr ....have u prayed about it? Have u asked ur pastors for prayers? What u need now is God
ReplyDeleteU might stay with ur bf and things might never improve and u might stay and things might improve
And u might go with the new guy and be happy or u might not be
Pls talk to God...its Him u need dear
It is well with u Hun😘
Stay with A
ReplyDeleteThat new guy is a flash of the pan.
If you leave A, you will loose A and that new guy.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Flash in the pan XO. Flash in the pan.
DeletePoster put on hold any form of introduction for now. Afterall A doesn't have money for marriage yet.
ReplyDeleteAlso tell B to hold on from introduction.
Study both of them for the rest of the year. Get to know B very well. He may have money but may not be a good husband. You've only known him for 1mth you said. A lot of guys say dis I want to marry you just to get in ur pants. Get to know him for atlst 6mths, he may end up being good. But study him 1st.
I will advice you not to let any go. You can make up your mind by dec, after then choose one and set next yr for introduction.
Thanks Stella you said it call, can you wait is the question? Secondly are you sure he won't change after marriage or wen he makes money because that's what most of them do.tiiiiiii
ReplyDeleteMy sister, I would go with Stella on this one...may be she did not smoke weed today before using her red pen...oh! Today is Sunday, no wonder she did not smoke...kikikikikiki...
ReplyDeleteWhen you meet your soulmate, you will know. Search yourself and see if you really have met your soulmate. A good question to ask yourself is how would you feel if B had no money?
DeleteTrue @ Anon 17:45. How would she feel if he had no money
DeleteI thought so too. Would you pick B if he didn't have like A? Would you pick A if he had money like B? Then again money changes people..A may leave you for 'fresh blood' when he makes money. Money changes people you know. I'd say go with B, but study him for a few more months.
DeleteAll the best
Why not drink coconut oil or maybe watch war room
ReplyDeleteKikikiki
DeleteThe thing wen this "war room" go cause eeh
@Galore
???
DeleteLMAO
DeleteWar room 😂
DeleteLMAO. Queen you are cray. This is a serious matter jor. LOL
DeleteConfusion breaki bone, yepa! *In Fela's voice*
ReplyDeleteIf B is a good man,then marry him
ReplyDeleteLolzzz. Ve you thought if he'll still be good after marriage?
DeleteAm so frustrated this afternoon
ReplyDeleteGod I thank you for my life
Lol Stella your advice is one of a kind, I like!
ReplyDeleteIt is important for a woman to have her own. Why not find a job first? You are talking to new guy and wanting to move abroad. You think moving abroad is easy. Does the new guy have am established business or job abroad? Do you even know him or infatuation has blinded you becauae you have seen money? Every guy is cool in the beginning. One thing you must know is money changes hands a lot. Character can not be bought. Study Guy B and see if he passes, but a guy who is helping you cheat is not husband material. He will also cheat on you because he does not respect your current relationship. Well truthfully, you dont respect your Guy A so how can an outsider respect him. If Guy A treated you like this you would be shouting that men are wicked. Be single and make a choice and stop being unfaithful. A good christian would not deceive anyone.
ReplyDeleteYou make some really valid points!
DeleteThank u vry mch anon, if he makes money now & leaves this poster for a classy working lady, they'd be playing the victim card & throwing insults... Just follow ur heart jare, cus even if u rip that heart out & stick it nxt to ur eardrum, u wldnt hear it beat for Mr.A, its MoneyBeats by Dre u'd keep hearing n dancing to.
DeleteGbam! I'm a walking experience...... a guy helping you cheaters not a marriage material mehn! And if you leave A for B some y ears down the line, you may regret it... you're just looking am he now and the money illusion is what is thrilling you.... I had a relationship with my boss at the detriment of my boyfriend and i... 7 months down the line I'm regretting it badly.... I Lost both of em... my boss then was all shades of cute, cute heart, cute ride, cute cash, romantic et all.... twas all just illusion... leaen
DeletePoster 2, don't marry anyone out of pity or bcos you hv been with him for a long time.
ReplyDeleteMarry the person whom your heart chooses . Don't marry bcos of what people will say. U are the one to suffer alone later and not anyone else.
Once more, Don't PITY anybody as long as marriage is concerned. Do what is best for you. Life is short but marriage is a very long journey.
James where did you see poster 2? Daft much
DeleteBlind bathemeus, wherever did you see that there were 2 posters? Olodo jamesy
Delete*poster.
DeleteOk. @U 2 anonymous ,it is not auto correct. I don't know what am doing or writing.
Case closed, I hope.
*poster.
DeleteOk. @U 2 anonymous ,it is not auto correct. I don't know what am doing or writing.
Case closed, I hope.
James the pussy. Always rushing to comment. You must be a woman. How does a man comment on all posts daily. Maybe you are related to that idiot called onyx godwin. Jeez
DeleteHmm... See as i fold hand de pity for Mr A, little does he know his heart will soon be put in a blender, whr will he start to pick the pieces from?? 5yrs with a lady in a r/shp & uve been watching her be a yeye mermaid? I'd teach you styles that a D can still penetrate even while ur legs are closed together, what rubbish!!!! Now the mere sound of "Amer"... B4 the "rica" join sef, she can't think straight anymore. I believe if Mr A has fucked u, you'd be more committed, cus canal knowledge has a weird bond it creates b/w couple, you've been washing a car for 5yrs, only for another man with sweet tongue and fat wallet to come n drive it..... Maybe its even complimentary cards & papers filled up in the wallet, poster don wet for pant finish.
ReplyDeleteJust one month & ure already thinking of throwing away 5yrs with a good ambitious guy, who does that?? You better pump that brake b4 you'all crash b4 u get to the embassy, not to talk of America. Worldly girls all over!!
#CocaCola addict.
Atheist... You will not kill me. Your comment cracked me up but then... It's all truth!
DeleteCome to think of Abuja guys that can lie like tomorrow no dey... Living fake life up and down. Don't be surprised that guy B is even married somewhere.
Your comment made me feel pity for the 1st guy. Now I do feel bad for him.
DeleteOshe comment my man.
DeleteGentle.
True
DeleteYou say you are a child of God? If you truly are, why can't you go on your knees and present your case before your father. You prefer to present it before sdk bvs. So, what kind of advice are you expecting to get here. Or you just want justification to settle for the rich guy bah?
ReplyDeleteA child of God gets answers from the throne room of God. The Holy Spirit is there for guidance. Turn to Him. Ask Him for His will for your life amongst the men. I mean the perfect will and not the permissible will which you are seeking with this post
DeleteChoose the second guy.. Lol..
ReplyDeleteStellz, ur eye tear ooooo. Sharp advice, but if u believe in #bollywood, follow ur heart, and not ur head
ReplyDeletePoster u better go for mr b,if I hearhear hmm
ReplyDeletePoster! Listen to me, read my words and discern very carefully!
ReplyDeleteI may not understand your delimma as I haven't been there but I know one thing ".. Vanity upon vanity, all is vanity.." You love Mr. B because to you, he is secured than Mr. A but what if Mr. B is no longer 'secured' tomorrow, I bet my big phat ass you won't love him again
You love Mr. A even with his current 'unsecured' situation. Do you think you would love him any less if his situation turns better? You have said it yourself that A is hardworking and trying his best. Why not be that woman that A when making his success speech would say "....this is the woman that stood by me through my struggles and I'm here today because of her...." Why not be that 'good woman' behind the successful man he will become tomorrow?
Poster, the decision finally rests with you. I could go on and on and you will still do what you want to do but still emphasis on "vanity upon vanity, all is vanity"!
Wellsaid
DeleteTotally agree with you
DeleteAbeg go for the new guy
ReplyDeleteNo time to dull
Mr A has dated you for five years,giving you just 2k...just imagine?.. Stingy man....Let me tell you Mr A is just waiting for another girl too to hook up with...He is also using you to "mark time"
Wise up
@Galore
Your comment is as sick as you are... He gives her 2k because that is what he has!
DeleteNo follow Stella advise o. She no sabi advise person. Last time she say make girl way marry man for obodo oyinbo leave her husband. Which kind advise be that? She say make them Meet for dubai if she can't get a visa to United States like say na traveling be the problem. My tot is simple life has two sides either way, u will still doubt ur choice. Av u tot of it this way, wat abt if A later becomes so so rich and B later becomes poor? Why don't you think of how to make ur own life better rather than depend on some ones money? Since money is ur issue and not luv.
ReplyDeletePoster go and marry the new guy. The future suffering for you will not have part 2. It happens all the time.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard one. All I can say is as a Christian ask God for guidance
ReplyDeleteWomen are evil...stella, u inclusive...look at the stupid advice u gave that literally tells how selfish women are( if its my bro I will beg u to stay and if its my sis I will tell her to go) if its a man that dumps a girl of 5yrs that has been sacrificing for her to go marry another lady , u and ur type will start to rain curses on him...women are so fucking hypocritical and totally evil and selfish...
ReplyDeleteMy advice to any man... Make so much money so that u can qualify to treat women like the bitches that they were created to be... Bunch of assholes
Chop knuckle
DeleteNa ur mama i blame
DeleteThanks. Gather all dem dough and treat them as fu*k shits they are. Hypocrites! This blog taught and keep teaching me how worthless majority of women are.
DeleteIs your mum and ass hole too? Just asking.
DeleteWow..that is not a fair comment..everyone is entitled to their opinion..N/B not all women are what you think of women.Thank you
DeleteNew guy girl!
ReplyDeleteMoney is very important in marriage!
Yes it is but not the most important
DeleteMovement
ReplyDeleteWhat a complicated chronicle...
ReplyDeleteThe logical thing to do is to follow mr B Buh then,the heart alone knows where it belongs to.... Let wisdom guide you..
Pls contact me for your celebration cakes (click my I'd to get my contact details)
*faithful bv*
It is so easy to claim "child of God"; do you ask your father "God" for his mind in issues like this. You are bent on following the "new guy" you barely know because of the lure of money and travel to the USA. You cannot serve God and money. The new guy just like the chronicle of yesterday may as well be well married in the USA (I live here and I know that many Nigerians do this to "get papers". The lady he is married to may also have babies for him so as to claim child support if he dares leave her). So you are about to destroy a lot because of greed for money. And for your information, if A should pay your bride price no matter how small the ceremony, you are married; check your scriptures. Any other form of marriage is just a normative process. If you follow this new guy you do not know, then we are waiting for another chronicles; bitter pain!
ReplyDeleteShebi you want relocate to yankee; marry the "new guy" you do not know and your eyes will clear. Did you read yesterday chronicle?
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart & you alone knows were your heart belong.
ReplyDeletePoor man dey suffer o....
ReplyDeleteMakes me remember yesterday's laughs.
You sef you like yourself?
Babe....search well to be sure.
Most struggling guys make it later....
But without the woman they started with.
Be sure the new guy is good.
Biko....if its too good to be true,maybe it isn't true after all.
Stella you are just displaying your selfish self. If a guy dumped a girl after five years, you'd should blue murder! Now you're encouraging ladies to marry a man they do not know just because he "appeared to be rich"; from which source? This girl did not even mention what this "new guy" does for a living.
ReplyDeleteI don't know y you're confused. You don't want to suffer and beg your parents money like your sisters. Marry the rich guy. Simple
ReplyDeleteThe poster is not serious..You met a guy for only a month and u already thinking marriage...and Dumping a bf of 5 years? smh..Don't know why Nigerian women are so desperate when it comes to marriage..ChaI. ...How much do u even know this wnd guy? Every guy is nice the first few months...
DeleteHmmmmmm......@poster, you've said it all.....the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. I would rather stay with who I know very well cos nobody knows tomorrow. He doesn't have now do not mean he won't have tomorrow. That other guy might be abrakatabra as in the more you look the less you see. Forever is way too long to make mistakes ooooo.
ReplyDeleteFollow a man that can take care of you my friend,u are not getting younger.
ReplyDeleteHere we go again.
ReplyDeleteIs he a USA citizen?
Even if he is, do you know the visa rules?
Do you know that it will take you up to 3-5 years of being married to him to be allowed in?
And what will you be doing in Nigeria for those years?
What of if he has a wife and kids in the states?
What is he occupation; I don't think I read where you mentioned that?
I ask these questions because I am a US citizen and I understand these rules and the games Nigerian men here play.
If he's a US citizen and he's sincere, that is has no hidden skeletons and also have a good job, bringing her over shouldn't take years. My hubby is a US citizen, after our traditional marriage, he went back and immediately started processing my fiancee KY visa, within 6 months I was in the US. We did our court marriage and my green card was processed. 8 years and still going strong. So everything depends on the man's sincerity and if there's genuine love between them.
DeleteIf he's a US citizen and he's sincere that is he has no hidden skeletons and also have a good job, bringing her over shouldn't take years. My hubby is a US citizen, after our traditional marriage, he went back and immediately started processing my fiancee K1 visa, within 6 months I was in the US. We did our court marriage and my green card was processed. 8 years and still going strong. So everything depends on the man's sincerity and if there's genuine love between them.
DeletePrayerfully follow your heart. I say prayerfully cos you are about to take a big risk. Life is full of risks. Only you can make this decision. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIf your boyfriend is broke it can really be frustrating.. Especially if you are also a job seeker. My advise for you is to go with Mr A so far he's well to do...
ReplyDeleteLucile is dat u?..
ReplyDeleteGo for the new guy
ReplyDeletePlease, go for the new guy
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, go for the new guy
ReplyDeleteThe new guy please
ReplyDeleteI would go for the new guy
ReplyDeleteMy bf has a job(fed) but doesn't even care to give me money even when I had no job,he even asked me how I get money for my hair nd toiletries since I just finished school nd no job yet or I'm I expecting him to be giving me? I just smiled nd told him God will provide besides I still hv my parents.now I have a job he was d first to ask me to lend him money which he has refused to pay back. I got to meet a new guy who is well to do, nd ready to give me anytin I want but d problem is dt he is a divorcee nd a bit older than me. Now I'm falling in love with him but still in love wit my first guy.I'm so confused.
ReplyDeleteThis was exactly my story some times ago n believe me, I messed myself up. I chose d new guy who's doing fine financially all within 2 months of meeting him. he was also aware of my other r/ship but told me that when the time comes I'll know whom to chose. This guy pretended like he was an angel I've been waiting for and I found excuse to discharge my first guy. He n all his family begged me but no way. The new guy introduced me to all d important pple in his life so I got comfortable n we started planning intro within 5 months. He woke up one day n changed suddenly, his mum changed too. I didn't do anything wrong so I was like I'll investigate only to discover dt my guy has impregnated d lady (his female friend) he once told me abt as having baby out of wedlock. My dear, I've been single since then o. Pls it's tru dt life is a risk but don't be in a haste to discharge d new guy, get to know ds new guy well so u won't lose on both sides. In everything, be ready for d consequences as it wont be easy to break up with d old guy but be prepared.
DeleteCoconut babe, you no confuse jare, You know wetin dey. You sef know the truth say as you dey so, na to cut out follow B but na pity you dey pity A as una don old for the relationship matter.
DeleteSee my sister, money na one of those things wey de keep marriage oh! Just sunsh B character well well say e de alright, they use style discharge A.
call your maale (mama) and tell am werin de. She sef go understand the level.
All of una go de alright.
Oya arrange coconut oil come for me sharparly.
Life is a risk but when it comes to marriage, you need to minimize your risk. Do not play Kalo Kalo with your future because of money. A, you know but Mr. new guy you do not know. You are a Christian, in your heart of heart you know who God is asking you to marry, do not ignore Gods direction because of money, you will regret it. And do not think that if you marry A it would be easy but if you are both Christians, you will weather the storm together. Doesn't sound like a good advice I know but His ways are not our ways. Pray and decide.
ReplyDeleteChoosing a life partner must not be taken with levity.
ReplyDeleteI am so saddened that the state of d economy has caused people to stop marrying for love , and no I cannot blame them . Poverty kills the purest of love .
I have had to break up with bf's in the past , because they weren't doing well . U see , I am a very futuristic person, always 3 steps ahead. I have however resolved to not even bother dating one who isn't financially capable .
Back to ur question . Why not seek God in this issue . We can say choose A or B , but not can tell u with certainty like the Lord can .if after it all, u choose a life partner in error , only u will suffer it .
Yes I agree d devil you know is better .. But sometimes that phrase limits people . My take : why not date them both . Tell MR B to slow down ... Get to know him well, test him- all the while praying for discernment . Study him well . Don't be in a rush to commit.
Also tell MR A , marriage would happen when he is bouyant and not before .
Good luck
Ill advise you to go to God in prayer! Remember No condition is permanent! Search yourself cos like all matters of the heart, you will know what you want
ReplyDeleteYou've known the new dude for just a month o...Isorait.....my advice is that u should please take your time to know Mr B well cos a month isn't enough to a dudes personality.
ReplyDeleteAwwwwu our coconut oil seller.. Chia i don't know what to advise.
ReplyDeleteGo for the the new man. Marry as is. Don't marry "potential". If you marry "potential", twenty years down the line, you may still be looking at "potential". Marry what you see now. And love. Its not just one person that you can marry in life. Being with Mr A doesn't mean hes the only one you can marry.That's my own advice. I wish I was in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteImagine being with B..are you at peace with your decision? If you are then maybe B is for you. Keeping praying and don't be in a hurry to make a decision
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Oro yi so si ni lenu otun bu yo si. You said both of them are nice so you need God at this junction to chose right.
ReplyDeleteN sounds tempting to go with. Buts its ur shoes.
ReplyDeleteStella I love u like seriously, "if Mr A was my brother I'll beg u to wait for him if u where my sister, I 'll advice u go for the new guy. Nice answer u couldn't have said it better. Poster 1 go for the richer guy all men cheat the country is hard to manage
ReplyDeleteJust like Stella said...follow your heart..but would you want to put aside your relationship with Mr A because you think there won't be a financial breakthrough for him?
ReplyDeleteOh! Pls wait for A
ReplyDeleteWat if guy B is a fake? U dnt knw him dt well. Even if u want to go wt B,pls tk tym to study him
One mnth is too short to understand some one.
Did usayy u hv nt gbensh A for 5 yrs u'v bn dating???d guy don try na,at least no break he hrt n folo another guy. Gv him d opportunity and honour pls
If u feel u love two people,choose the second,cus if u rlly loved the first,u wouldn't fall in love with the second,lol, I think I read that somewhere.madam coconut oil, I chatted with you onetime and i like your sense of humour, wish u all the best!
ReplyDeleteP.s: Stella told you the truth,but In the end it's ur decision,no matter what you read on here.
Poster why did you have to give out your identity?this life is a small world o.....pls go for the 2nd guy if you are sure he is serious...Abuja guys can lie o...so be very careful,investigate him very well and know his true intentions towards you....poverty they kill love o....Love alone is not enough in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteBetter don'tmarry a man out of pity. and don't walk into poverty with your eyes wide open.
ReplyDeleteHow long do you want to live with poverty?loves is sweeter when there is money meyne,thank God I can't deal with poverty,God forbid.
ReplyDeleteI thought you are the chronicle sender...
DeleteBiko sorry for mentioning your name!...
Lucille stop lying jor you are the one
DeleteThat means you will be mixing rubbish with your coconut oil in order to make money.
DeleteI feel for this poster, can doing two introductions be wrong?? Am that greedy, talk to your parents about both of them and let's see how things go
ReplyDeleteNot all that glitters is gold...poverty is a bastard too.
ReplyDeleteAm so with stella on this one. The choice is yours to make as A and B are similar. And who says you are not the person holding guy A back.
ReplyDelete@poster;Sometimes its not all about whom you have known for the longest period of time..you can actually meet someone in one week whom would change everything about you positively..so ask yourself these questions:
ReplyDelete1)who makes you feel complete?
2)who takes your smile to another level??
3)who makes your happiness his priority??
4)whom do you think you have A future with??
5) who understands you better as A person??
6) who is willing to take the path with you when the going becomes tough??
My dear;end up with the man who has A vision,purpose,fear of God and also A hardworking man who is ever willing to take the path towards success..
If Mr A meets up with the Qualities of your Dream man;continue!! But if you think its mr B;fine!!
Money can come and go;but A man with vision will always find A way to push through in any critical condition..
Jisie ike! Gbado kwa anya!!
@MARTINS ABOY
Hmmmm....childhood e go better sweetheart versus the American dream guy. I go for the latter
ReplyDeleteHahaha,very funny narrataive,there is nothing like heart here o,a heart does things the heart loves,while a mind deciphers positives from negatives,let me be blunt,your heart is not in these issue,it is your mind that rules,you want wealth and comfort,so go for B,stop pretending that you stilll want A,A is dead already in your heart and mind,it is no shame going for wealth my dear,na poor man they say stout bitter,water and acid are both clear white,but both have different uses.
ReplyDeleteIf after 5 years, you still love S and have nothing against him, I will advice you to wait. If your problem is money, find a way to invest in yourself, why do you seek financial success in a man. Do not marry a man you have barely known for a month.
ReplyDeleteThe major reason for the chronicles we receive here happened when women marry men they don't know well.
In deciding, which of the two men think you are a queen, which one looks at you like you are a GOD. Yes I said GOD. Only marry men who look at you like you are Magic and everyone else can see it.
Right now your reasons for wanting to marry both men leave a lot to be desired. Focus on your financial freedom
Hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteCome where una dey find all these multiple suitors from na, you guys should share biko.
When u choose abeg hook sm1 up since you said they are both cool.
So you don't mind a guy that can't give you more that 5k because you dey find suitor? Shioor!! Una can desperate ehn
Deleteall that glitters is not gold.... so far mr A is also intelligent and hardworking like u said, try and support him. that's my opinion ooo
ReplyDeleteAnother onye owu!...
DeleteSupport fire!...
Hmm.... When the guy hammers how would he behave? Do u know?
Deleteheart. Court Mr. B a lil more. Find out the bad things about him n see of u can cope. Forget tory. Spark is necessary n u have it in the new guy.its ur choice
ReplyDeleteMy own 5cent is, people meet for just 1week n have a blissful marriage while some don't..follow ur heart, u r 27 and should have ur first child by now, buh first, am not saying Mr B might be a bad person buh u r an adult and should know when someone is serious or not..I met my husband in just 2months ,n I had to plead with my Mr A of 10years,to let go of me,cos he was still not serious...u wear dey shoe,u know where it hurts
ReplyDelete'You're 27 and should have your first child by now' 😂😂😂 says who? Biologists or Doctor? Na ppl like una dey make single girls desperate. Honey, I'm 27 (yet I look 21 or younger) I'm very hot and have a steady relationship but I'm not in ANY rush. If boo likes let him fly to another girls arms. His problem. There's to timeline for marriage or childbirth. So stop putting one. Yes, some Marty early. And some don't! While my mates are rushing to 'meet-up' me I'm loving my single status everyday that I don't wish to give it up to anyone who isn't even worth my time. So Biko, don't put poster on long jump.
DeletePoster, take your time and shine eye please. You aren't 'meant' to do anything at ANY time. All in Gods time it will happen.
Go for the new guy!
ReplyDeleteOne day e go better kinda guy is not what a young lady like you deserves.
I've said my own oh.
Fuck shit! You don't have sex? What have you be doing all these years with Mr A, sucking dick?
ReplyDeleteHehehehe...mr A don try o,no sex for 5 years?he try. All dis ladies dat get stampeded into marriage quickly by a new guy dey think is better dan dia bf,I pity dem..na see finish syndrome wwith mr A makes u think u av great connection with d new guy.wen reality sets in,u'l curse urself for leaving him for a 'greener pasture'
DeleteMmm Stella did you miss that part that she said she just met the new guy last month.
ReplyDeleteHow can you advise a girl to Go for guy she met just 30 days.
Later you would say how. Come u don't know that he smokes or a. Wife beater.
I wonder what has happened to real love these days.
Just cos he's richer. And he's talking about the states now you already love him na wa ooo
Anyway leave Mr A and come back With foolish chronicle. I don kuku ma sabi u, dat babe in Abuja. I go laff u taya.
It's you that will come back with a foolish chronicle...
DeletePls tell em anon... Money will buy some people's souls.
DeleteAnd I'm quite disappointed with the advice,Stellz
@ the queen and the boss of morons or what do u call ur self.
DeleteNow I know why you don't have an iota of brain.
You are the biggest klutz.
You've always given stupid advices...
I pity coconut seller abi na palm tree oil seller u be.
Go for the new guy na and get deported after 1 month.
Sebi u never travel before and na wetin trip you be dat.
Just a guy you met In a month. Your chronicle is being. Edited at d publishers desk we await it.
@stella...... am not surprised at ur advice SMH
So bcos ur boyfd doesn't av moni nw, u wan to abandon him for one rich guy jst lyk dat nd u ar telling us u ar born again. For me am seeing it as a trial tym. Com oh...... y is d rich guy comin nw nd y nt som yrs back. I feel pity for ur present innocent guy who wil b tanking God evrytym for giving him u bt nt knwing u ar nursing hw to hurt him. Remember dear dat b4 u do anything in life, always put ur urself in d shoe. Gud luck
ReplyDeleteWell said!
DeleteSee them...
DeleteNdi owu ite ji kwara ngwo oru!...
Please go for the comfortable guy, that's how I married this one with all his bright future talks, I dumped well doing suitors and stuck to him, now tears of regret is my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
ReplyDeleteAbeg who even guarantees anyone that broke guys are good men? Don't fall for that joke.
If they become successful, they bring out their real hardcover which is bad 98% of the time.... IF they stay broke, they mess up your pretty life with their frustration and give you serious depression and overwhelming sadness.
BE WARNED... DON'T FALL A VICTIM
Best advice ever! Only broke guys will come here and castigate her for dumping Mr A.. Dey there dey wait.. Dont do the right thing.. Like someone said you can date your partner for 10years and still regret marrying him, while you can meet someone and make the best decision of your life.. Life itself is a big risk.. Nne take your chance!!!
DeleteYou have a point... A real man should sort himself out before starting a family. That way he can focus better and build his life. Don't commit until you are stable to at least do average things for a woman. But these days, you see men focused on relationships when they haven't even thought of where Their next meal is from.
DeleteI don't know about you but emotional instability affects me a lot. It makes me unable to focus. And till now I've not held tight to any man cos there's money to be made Biko!
Yet, men will be talking marriage to a babe when they can't even comfortably beat their chest that they can feed the same babe for 3 months without shaking. The if the girl moves to a guy who planned better by sorting himself out first they say she's desperate. As for me, I can't date a broke guy. Broke guys don't even come near me. And I spot fake guys easily. I'd rather be single and broke so I can think straight and sort myself out. Cos I no dey for heartache.
Please go for the comfortable guy, that's how I married this one with all his bright future talks, I dumped well doing suitors and stuck to him, now tears of regret is my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
ReplyDeleteAbeg who even guarantees anyone that broke guys are good men? Don't fall for that joke.
If they become successful, they bring out their real hardcover which is bad 98% of the time.... IF they stay broke, they mess up your pretty life with their frustration and give you serious depression and overwhelming sadness.
BE WARNED... DON'T FALL A VICTIM
No 2 relationships are exactly d same,precedence is notin but a poor guide..just bcos u married d wrong man doesn't mean mr A will bring regret to d poster.don't mislead her wit ur sob life story abeg
DeleteI am with you on this one Stella. Dear poster, follow your heart. Take the risk with Mr B if he is truly serious with you,let him start the talks and process but please still keep yourself. Just as no man wants to marry a liability these days, no hardworking woman should go for anything less. What is even the guarantee that Mr A will come for you when he is rich enough. What if he then decides you are too old for him? Nne, This life is real be real with it. Good luck darling.
ReplyDeleteI know as a result of anger n determination, Mr A will be much successful if you leave him. But Mr B is a kindna life time opportunity o. Girl, I know you've made ur decision already even before posting this chronicle n what you are looking for,you won't get Cus some will say go wid Mr A while some will say go for Mr B while some will get you more confused through their funny comments.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, go for the new guy. Mayb u and A were not meant to be
ReplyDeleteDilemma indeed! U are d only one who can answer dis sensitive question bc u jst painted an equal pix of 2 saints,d only diff is d financial strength. U will get divergent answers depending on which side of perception BV's sees them. But for me,u should go with Mr.B although a month is too short 4 u 2 compare him with Mr.A whom u hv spent 5yrs 2geda. Patience might reveal something 2 u soon! Just don't rush it for now till d dust settles plzzzzz!
ReplyDeletehmm dicey chronicle. I would say u shuld pray about it and follow Gods lead. But imagine if it was the other way round, i mean the guy wanting to leave you after 5 years for someone that seems better, how would u feel? 5 years is not a joke oo. Mr A would feel really broken knowing you left him for someone uve barely known up to a year. The grass is not always greener on the other side to be honest. what u may be feeling for this new guy shuld be that initial spark that comes with a new feeling. u really cannot say A and B have the same characteristics because Mr B is putting his best foot forward which is a normal in a new relationship. Anyways, what do i know? just pray and ask for Gods guidance so you dont make a wrong decision.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, go for the new guy. Mayb u and A were not meant to be
ReplyDeleteGo for d one your heart tells u. Abeg go for B jare. Say no to he go better tomorrow
ReplyDeleteCarry both of them along and stop being confused.Afterall none of them has tasted your cookie....or have they?
ReplyDeletehmm dicey chronicle. I would say u shuld pray about it and follow Gods lead. But imagine if it was the other way round, i mean the guy wanting to leave you after 5 years for someone that seems better, how would u feel? 5 years is not a joke oo. Mr A would feel really broken knowing you left him for someone uve barely known up to a year. The grass is not always greener on the other side to be honest. what u may be feeling for this new guy shuld be that initial spark that comes with a new relationship. u really cannot say A and B have the same characteristics because Mr B is putting his best foot forward which is a normal in a new relationship. Anyways, what do i know? just pray and ask for Gods guidance so you dont make a wrong decision.
ReplyDeleteSo because of abroad u wrote this epistle. Anyway go for Mr abroad, but shine ur eyes,he is not always around for u to know his bad traits
ReplyDeleteHa! You are falling for a guy you just met,how much has he given since you started this relationship. You heard he will take you to the states and your heart starts skipping and you start dreaming. Madam take it easy! What if he is rich and stingy? What if he looks down on your family because of their status,believe in yourself first before looking for a man to carry your family's burden.
ReplyDeleteYou can go ahead and marry him, but have it at the back of your mind this thing in your head you think you have for him is not love it's infatuation.
Goodluck!
If any other guy can make you question your feelings for Mr A, then you aren't totally in love with him. Why not allow your family get to know this Mr B, so they can assess him beyond what you see with your lust lorn eyes? If both your sisters did not marry well, biko, change your destiny and marry a well off man, break that foundational curse abeg. By the way, Congrats on keeping your cherry.... at 27 yrs, it is not an easy something!
ReplyDelete😙
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteMy word for you is to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM & HE shall direct your path".
As a Christian, take it to God in prayers....HE won't lead you astray. God bless you
Try gbensin them both and know the real man.
ReplyDeleteDilemma indeed! U are d only one who can answer dis sensitive question bc u jst painted an equal pix of 2 saints,d only diff is d financial strength. U will get divergent answers depending on which side of perception BV's sees them. But for me,u should go with Mr.B although a month is too short 4 u 2 compare him with Mr.A whom u hv spent 5yrs 2geda. Patience might reveal something 2 u soon! Just don't rush it for now till d dust settles plzzzzz!
ReplyDeleteYou're an adult, make your decision yourself but be ready to live with the consequence(s) of it.
ReplyDeleteMay GOD guide us through the right path...Want To lose between 5-10kg within the next 9 days,Click Here To
ReplyDeleteRead
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Aunty,one moment u want to be with Mr A,the next moment you dont want to be like ur sisters and so you want to stick with mr B.Truth is you were already looking for a better option asides mr A and so Mr B came along,pray about the two of them nne and put them to test as well.
ReplyDeleteYou no get issue
This issue of seeing a new guy and abandoning d old guy 'in most cases backfires'. A friends'elder sis abandoned an old guy who was then struggling and went for d new guy. The marriage did not last up to 10months cos d boy had an accident and died. The girl really regretted her actions sha. The old guy is now doing well. But poster study both of them and know who to choose, it does not really if u've known for donkey years, what matters is who your love is with. So choose wisely. Abeg na how una dey manage type epistle sef
ReplyDeleteSit down my dear let me tell you a story of myself and give you some good advice.
ReplyDeleteI have been in this same dilemma you are currently facing. I dated a guy for 7 years. Even though he proposed marriage from our first year of dating while we were about leaving school then, we still dated for 7 years without marrying. He asked me to wait for him to be financially stable before marriage and i foolishly did. I got employed immediately after NYSC but his was not the case. All the while i was employed, I kept assisting him financially and kept making excuses for him in my mind that its because he wasn't working that we haven't gotten married. I shunned several guys that proposed marriage to me during and after my NYSC because i was waiting for him. I continued with this trend of waiting for years until i was fortunate to drop his CV where he was eventually employed.
One would think that after this, he will tie the knot but no, he didn't(i guess he wasn't happy it was through me he got the job so he resigned for no just cause). All these times we were still deceiving ourselves calling ourselves, 'baby'. after a year, he got a very good job. It was then, our problems started and his true colour came out as he started misbehaving. He stopped picking my calls nor returning them.He did not make attempt to see me again.It was really bad that it was as if i was a vomit he was trying to avoid. His became proud. I thought i knew him for the 7 years we dated but I discovered I didn't. He told me to my face he wasn't interested again. Both families and his friend tried to settle a quarrel with no name to no avail. His family members were embarrassed by his behaviour even. He was asked why he wanted to end our relationship he said he doesn't know or he will give a very flimsy excuse.
This is someone because of him, i did not listen to any good eligible bachelor that spoke to me then of marriage and believe me, i mean real good eligible ones that were far better than him. There was a very good one that spoke to me then that i rejected. That one after trying to win me to no avail, eventually got married a year later to another lady and they are living fine.
Where am i heading with this long talk? I am living in regret now that i waited and was faithful to him for 7 good years and he still broke my heart. You can never know a human being complete unless you are God. So if you say it is because you don't know the new guy well you wont get married, you will discover you don't even know Mr. A whom you have dated for years. Since that my relationship ended, i have been single till date because i drove the good ones that came my way while i was busy waiting for him to get a job and improved finance.
If you were my sister, my advice will be, go for the new guy and leave Mr. A that has been dragging his feet since forever. 5 years is no joke o my sister. He keeps giving excuses of finances not making him to marry you. When finances come, you will be surprised to see him leave and pick another girl. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. I have said my piece.
Above all, go to God in prayer for a sense of direction not to BVs like us.
Oh Sis, I just wanna hug you and never let go
DeleteYou're such a beautiful soul and as long as God is still on the throne, you will surely find love and happiness again.
Men though
Smh.
Broke guys will scroll past this comment like they did not see it.
Delete*hugs*
DeleteMe and you know you don't have a problem, you know what you want,i.e marry rich,cos in your wrapped mind,that is your only escape from poverty, and knowing Stella and her belief in materialism, you just want her endorsement and knowing her for who she is,you have gotten it
ReplyDeleteMy dear go ahead and leave stability for wealth, after all its your life and your mind is already made up. So just enjoy it, We make our choices and our choices are what makes us. So farewell
You must be a lazy Christian to come seek advice concerning this serious matter from a blog.....go into prayer and fasting and then get an anointed man of God to pray with you....yes there are fake pastors but there are also true men of God.....when you talk with them you will know...you can only get advise here based on the flesh....except you hear expressly from God you can't meet somebody within a short time and truly know them....this is not even about being rich or poor cos the poor guy can be rich tomorrow while the rich guy can be poor tomorrow, or the poor guy can even be abusive or the rich guy can be abuse and you won't know till you join him in the states....marriage is more than all this.....what is your purpose in life? Does it align with any of these two guys? Only God can tell you so stop joking around and go and pray...the problem with a lot of Christians is that they do not pray before going into marriage but only start fire brigade when problems come....
ReplyDeleteSweetie you can date someone for 20years and still not know what they are capable of doing... Let her risk it.. God's ways is different from man's ways..
DeleteSender, the fact that u ar a virgin gives d upper hand to talk to God. Call God, go into fasting, he will let u know d right man... I don't bliv d mr B at all...
ReplyDeleteDear poster , u have from now till nov ....I suggest u wait till that time n If u r still confused ....send ur story again.
ReplyDeleteThe issue here is money and comfort. How do you know the new guy is doing well,just because he mentioned he is based in the US? Thread carefully and prayerfully. Money get wings o,it can come,go or permanently remain.
ReplyDeleteTee
Seriously, I don't know how some people think, because from your write up, you have made up your mind to follow the "New Rich guy" and dump someone you have been with for 5yrs flat, chai, u no fear God oooo., and you are a very wicked soul, and a senseless gold digger, u hear Yankee now u went your panties.
ReplyDeleteYou have a man whom out of his nothing can still sacrifice for you, what do you think he won't be able to do for you when things get better?
This New guy from America that you barley know throwing money at you and proposing marriage when he knows you have a man already, is definitely up to something.
The most important part of marriage is joy and happiness which money cannot give, what happens if tomorrow things change for The worse, what will you do, b bitter for the rest of your life?
What if tomorrow your poor promising boyfriend becomes rich?
Remember Marvelous Benji was once the big boy of Nigerian music when WizKid hasn't even recorded, but you know who is better and richer now!
My advice for you stick with your man, don't take the path that you don't know, you were happy before Mr B came around, a guy can spend any amount to get into your panties.
Abeg a poor man is a humble man.Keep both of them and take ur time to study Mr B. Hope u know dat marrying Mr A means you borrowing from ur parents in future. Please don't park ur car where ur sisters did.
ReplyDeletei am Cocacola Ambassador
Your heart says Mr A...
ReplyDeleteYour Head says Mr B...
You've just known Mr B for a month,that's not enough time to conclude even if he's a big brother africa housemate...
Take your time...
Don't rush.
Water finds its own level...
Ohhh God,ans my prayers.I need friends I can talk to.I am bored.I know this is jst a phase of life,it will surely pass.
ReplyDeleteYou see Mr B as your way out of selling coconut oil into a life of luxury. Furthermore, I have never heard of a child of God that is playing 2 guys at the same time. God is not an author of confusion. We only get tempted out of our own lustful desires. In a couple of years after marrying Mr B, you will wish to have the experience you shared with Mr A.
ReplyDeleteIf you are a true child of God, tell Mr A all the rubbish you just spilled here. I am sure he will make the decision for you by walking away.
ReplyDeleteLucille only the Holy Spirit can guide and direct you. All the comments you read here will not offer the answer. They'd only present different perspectives which you know already.
ReplyDeleteGo to God in prayer and ask only one thing - that His Will be done!
My Dear follow your heart, no one knows tomorrow, A is broke now and the new guy is at his peak, change is one thing that is constant, the story for both guys might change financially tomorrow but their characters wont. You have known A for so long and obviously can live with the worse part of him, and the new guy from your story, I don't think you know him too well. Please follow your heart and pick the one you truly love.
ReplyDelete