I am going to make a deal today and the deal will expire by 12midnight....This is a freestyle post...
If you post an original gist that gets the highest LOL today and you can prove it is you by posting with your first real name which will be on the ID you show me,i will credit your account with 10k or more (depends on my mood) before tomorrow is over.I KNOW 10K IS NOTHING BUT E GO FIT BUY PLENTY TOMOATES THIS SEASON..LOL
STAND ALONE GIST
Am here again to try my luck and hope to win this time.
This happened during my university days, it was in my second year after the normal jjc attitude of year one. I made quite number of lovely friends all from decent and strict homes but we were all fun loving type ,so one day the three of us decided to try something new and that was to go and dance at a club. Saturday night came, we all dressed to kill like olosho 7up and by eight we were already there before the bouncers arrived, with our mini dress and heel shoes. We were the ist to enter the arena, I had to ask questions to make sure the party was on as we didn't feel the sight of anyone.
By 9pm I was already feeling sleepy after taking two bottles of malt with the gala I bought on the way coming, I just had to find a corner with my friends to sleep before the main thing begins. By 12 I felt a tap, faintly I heard my friend telling me that everywhere is filled up oh abi I no wan dance again haaa I jumped and was shocked to behold the number of people I saw, I was so happy at the music the Dj was dishing out omo I was feeling it, my friends and I danced like it was our last night till people started leaving one by one.
Before we knew it, the place was almost empty and you could feel that people were already tired. How were we supposed to leave came the question bothering us as non of us had a car or the number of any taxi driver, so we decided to leave and squat at a nearby shop till the day break a little. As the witches in our village may have it, the three of us fell asleep and before we knew it, the day broke.
It was almost seven already eeeeh yee I shouted wake up ooh people have started going to church I tapped my friends, to say we were shocked was an understatement. My dear we had to chatter two elderly okada men who first of all condemned us judging from their look and na to call us ashewo remain, I quickly jumped inside so my friend will be at the back. The mini dress didn't help cos it nearly pulled upto the point of seeing our pants. As we were moving, we saw people going to church with the strange looks on their faces, definitely we knew something was wrong ashewo things I guess. Shame nearly killed us, some evil students ceased the opportunity to mention our names so people will recognise us quickly.
We hid our face behind the bike man that was busy galloping on the pot holes till we reached our lodge. We paid quickly, rushed to the door and locked. Did I go out that day? No of course cos it took me days to finally show my face on the street.
I schooled in a small town where partying is seen as a taboo lol. Have gotten over it though and me na correct chineke pikin now.
Odiegu you want to win with this dry gist... nedu,,,, just nedu o
ReplyDeleteWaiting to "LOL" under interesting gists
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLet me take space here since ugochukwu deleted comment.
DeleteToday is the day my friends who read this blog will know my ID.
So, I came to Lagos for weekend groove Na as a Uni undergrad. This was in 2009 or so. Had to rush back to school on Sunday morning. So a male friend who had been toasting me (he was the one who bought my return ticket sef) took me to the airport. I wore one fine white dress, Cinderella style. It was just 2 inches below my knee (quite short). I now wore black strappy heels. Only pant underneath my dress. I now fix this Keri-Hilson fringe- bob that time, with blonde tips. Mind you I'm very yellow. I wore big earring. Looking hot sha.
I don late for my flight oh. So we were speeding like no tommorow. Sunday morning Na no traffic. As we reach front of MMA2 I quickly jumped down, took my box from his boot and was running to check in. You know the AC units outside MMA2, I no know how I take waka go pass there with my handbag in one hand and the box rolling on the other hand. Chei!!
My dear BVs and BVNs.... The breeze came from my mothers village and hijacked my dress. I stood still for 30 secs, holding my bag in one hand, my box on the other hand and the lower part of my dress rose up and covered my face. Nothing beneath my waist was left to the imagination. Both the cab guys and the passengers highlighting to catch their flights had a loud huge laugh. Old ppl, young people, illiterate and educated. Everyone was having a full movie Infront of them. Cab drivers were the most entertained. Shouting all sorts of things at me.
Luckily an Aero contractor staff who saw my boarding pass drop quickly ran and helped me with my box so I could put my dress down. He felt so bad for me. As I managed to put the dress down, I turned back to see the guy who dropped me holding his laugh with his hand and giving me this sorry look at the same time. Him don see wetin I dey hide all weekend abi? 1-0 Na.
Well, the deed had been done. I quickly ran to catch my flight as I don late already. The aero guy really helped me to fast track my check in. And kept apologizing. Such a nice guy. I kept checking that no one recognized me on board. Luckily my paent was fine. And Na g-string mind you. So my whole butt was out
Since that day, I don't wear Cinderella dress without support underneath.
Mr Senegalese wearer that breeze was touching unnaturally due to a huge tear in the fabric, why did you delete your comment na? It was funny!
Delete@chikito the professional runs girl why lie when you don't travel by air. You do not get a boarding pass until you have checked in. You can not alight from a taxi and immediately you have a boarding pass out MMA2 please abi you be witch plus a runs girl ni?So no need to lie with the airport thing I guess it was one of these motor parks just say the truth.
Delete@chikito the professional runs girl why lie when you don't travel by air. You do not get a boarding pass until you have checked in. You can not alight from a taxi and immediately you have a boarding pass out MMA2 please abi you be witch plus a runs girl ni?So no need to lie with the airport thing I guess it was one of these motor parks just say the truth thanks.
Delete@chikito the professional runs girl why lie when you don't travel by air. You do not get a boarding pass until you have checked in. You can not alight from a taxi and immediately you have a boarding pass out MMA2 please abi you be witch plus a runs girl ni?So no need to lie with the airport thing I guess it was one of these motor parks just say the truth thanks.
Delete@stella I meant to say he saw my ticket and helped me get my boarding pass out of pity. Back then, tickets were stapled in one cardboard thing that would have aero written on it. And I had my ticket in my hand. So what's the fuss?
DeleteYou see, the problem is you people think everyone on this blog is hungry. I'm sorry to burst your bubble. But I started flying from my childhood days so airport is no big deal. If you go to MM2 often you will know the AC unit spot I'm talking about. But I'm sure you still see flying as a big deal, so you can't believe my story. And it's really not your fault, we live in two different ends of the same life. .... Awww.... :(
@stella gomero- that ur belt is really cheap though.... Eww.... If you must use profile pic on ur blog ID pls use correct one. If you say it's an old pic I'd pardon you.
Deletehmm mine is about liars. There was this woman that could make mouth in the Organization I once worked. She was always forming tush all over the place.she will start telling you how her children are abroad and they send her plenty money, she lives in a big duplex etc. as in the woman dey make mouth scatter, we kinda believed her bcuz she had a way of dressing and carriage to cover up. But my dear brothers and sisters, one fateful day, I went to visit my younger cousin in her small off camp house (1 room with public toilet). Guess who i saw fetching water into a basin to wash? "MADAM MY CHILDREN ARE ABROAD". I immediately rushed into my cousins room, didnt want the lady to see me, i had to confirm tins for myself. I asked my cousin if she knew the woman, she said " Ahh shes my neighbour na, landlord don complain tire becuz she never fit pay her rent for for over 3months the tin expire" . I laff that day no be small, i was shocked beyond words. i told my cousin all she used to say at our place of work. my cousin confirmed dey were lies.
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeleteLol.. this is my gist
ReplyDeleteSoo I attended a wedding at abia state..time for the asoebi to bring out the bride,na so dj begin play I concur by timaya..asoebi begin dance I..as usual dey shake nyash.. one of them their shoe sole remove..lol..if you see the high Apkola the girl wear eh. It was obvious if was hers.the girl pretend continue dey dance.everybody started to laugh.the girl in front touched her like.'is that not your shoe sole? ..lol as she dey waka like imbe because one heel high the other don low.the girl looked backed said noo ����..abandoned her shoe sole and ran away.lol even mc tear laugh.na one woman come help am pick am keep for am.
Lwkm ur gist cracked me up
DeleteLol
DeleteLmao..I had this same experience oo
DeleteBecause of the kinda job I do,I need to introduce moiself at party a lot..so this very sat,after covering the event with moi girls,I change to the party cloth with my gele like I am the mother of the celebrants,was walking majestically up and down cos I was seeing a lot of big boys*ehehhe*I was called to come introduce myself,,I was feeling so fly,I was carrying my short leg one by one ontop the useless heel I wore,,as I was approaching the stage!na so I hear gbam for ground*choi*my shoe sole was already at the middle of the crowd,and I was on the floor..the mc with the mike was like *eyah,aunty na bend down select shoe you buy? sowie ehn,next time try to buy original one..I was so embarrassed I just keep smilling..I collected the mic and introduce myself with shame,was already going after talking when this handsome dude shouted*Aunty Caterer,come carry ya shoe sole ooo,abi you no go gum am again*i just took it and ran away*my most embarrasing day*
Lol.
DeleteLmaoo
DeleteLol
DeleteLol
DeleteLmao
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DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteLol,girls can from shaa
DeleteLemme try my luck
ReplyDeleteMy landlord had this ugly looking chicken I nicknamed evil chicken.
I hated that chicken with a passion and had a special stick(AK47) i use to chase it. My landlord warned me severally that i will leave his house the day i kill the chicken but i no send am.
So one day, evil chicken pooped on the shoe i left outside to dry. Choi! I picked my AK47 and vowed to kill evil chicken that day. Meanwhile, evil chicken sat quietly at a corner wondering what i was up to.
As i advanced towards it, evil chicken, jumped up and started chasing me. Shuoo? I made a quick u-turn and started running.
My AK47 fell from my hand and i tripped over it falling face flat.
I still continued running oo. Got to my door, opened it and ran inside and closed my door with a bang bruising my hand in the process.
My roommate rushed out from the kitchen and asked what happened but i was too ashamed to tell her. How i wan tell her say na ordinary fowl dey pursue me?
She sha found out and i became the laughing stock of the compound and was nicknamed the chicken girl.
Evil chicken sha swallowed rubber band and died and this is the end of my story.
The name is Hannah oooo
Lol hahahaaa I can relate
ReplyDeleteLolzzz
ReplyDeleteROTFL
ReplyDeletehum, Stella I asked my momma why my dad head is bald
ReplyDeleteshe said because he his extraordinarily brilliant,..
then I said 'no wonder your hair is long'..
to cut the long story short, she threw then she threw me outta house..now i am homeless on the street of Lagos please why??
Lool. I swear this is really funny
DeleteLol
DeleteLol
DeleteA man looses everything because of his
ReplyDeletedrinking habit, one morning he sees
empty bottles on the bar table, he
smashes one bottle swearing “Because of
you my wife run leave me” smashes 2nd
bottle “Because of you I nor get pickin”
smashes the 3rd bottle “Because of you I
nor get work”, but the fourth bottle was
sealed and full of beer, so he said stand
aside, “You nor dey involved”!!! #Copied
Hahhah
DeleteThis could double as my most embarrassing moment and also a funny joke,it happened in my OND days first semester ND1 as a fresh intake things were a bit different for me and I was still young and naive it so happened that the student union were on protest I cannot remember why exactly now but all I remember was they was notice on the information board of what the protest was about and why we were going on strike it was a nice write up and everybody gathered to read and at the end of the write up was'Aluta continua' 'Victoria Ascerta' I was impressed with the write up and I voiced out to everyone there that Victoria Ascerta gave us a good write up o. I just saw everyone laughing at me and someone said she must be a jambite and everyone laughed again I was just wondering only for someone to tap me and say Victoria Ascerta means Victory is Certain nah so I take shame leave the place o,i got home at told my people con see part 2 laugh I will never forget.i hope I win o
ReplyDeleteLol,jambito
DeleteOne sunday morning, i was trekking to church. wore a knee lenght skirt and nice blouse with one of my flat shoes. I was feeling myself so much dat day cuz of my new dress. on my way to church, i kept hearing a funny sound but didnt really put much attention to it since i was on d road. i felt it was from cars passing. Guys kept starring at me as I walked. for my mind, na unto fine girl tings with my new dress na. how i wan do.lol. the stares continued then one guy stopped to talk to me, I just shunned him. he was like"ah fine girl why not listen to wat i have to say first" in my mind i was like "hmm, who is dis one kwanu? I finallt stopped then he said " I only wanted to tell you that the mouth of your shoe is open, so pls try and go back to the house and change"
ReplyDeleteI immediately looked at my feet amd discovered that it was true and dt was where d noise was coming from. I told him tank you in a small, embarrased voice. lmaoo. choi! wuld never forget that day in my life. I hailed keke sharp sharp to the house to change.
Lynda
ReplyDeleteBack then in boarding school, there was this girl that always had the best ijebu garri. She was from a struggling home hence she had more of garri and sugar and most times no provisions. So when we run out of garri which was usually an essential commodity she bevomes the reigning queen because everybody would start to beg her for garri.
Meanwhile we had lot of celestial and cherubim students in my hostel. One night Emi (holy spirit)entered one of them that was how night vigi started, before you know wht was happening see the hoy spirit at work, see prophesy here nd there.
Lo and behold there came a prophesy that our garri supplier is a confirmed witched and infacted she has initiated some students.
Hmmm see fear ohhh, they had to go and drag her into the vigil, omg, see confessions oh, on how she rendered her father poor , how she uses garri to initiate students into their "coven".
You needed to see how students where crying and screaming. After the whole razzmata of the vigil the next day students started going to ask her "please did you initiate me"? It was so scary that even our hostel mistress was now so scared of the girl. They had to expel her.
Since that day in school begging before you want to beg for anything you will pray in your mind.
Lmfao... Like wtf nigga. 😂😂
DeleteMistake
DeleteBack in those Papa Ajao-Mushin days, there lived a man named OneStone. OneStone hated his name so much so that he threatened to kill anyone who called him OneStone. Everyone heard and became afraid of calling him OneStone.
ReplyDeleteOne day a lady named Blue Bird came to town and saw him. Overjoyed that it's been a while she saw him, she said 'Hey OneStone'. He got angry and took the lady to a forest and made love to her till she died of exhaustion.
A year passed and no one dared called him OneStone anymore till another lady named Yellow Bird came and recognized him. She screamed 'OneStone'. He became angry and took her to a forest and made love to her for weeks but guess what, Yellow Bird did not die o
Moral of the story: OneStone can't kill two birds
Ajibola
Lmfaoo... Like wtf nigga. 😂😂😂
DeleteBwahahahah
DeleteI swear you are......bwahahahah
Permit me to hiss....mtchewwwww
DeleteLol buh bro u b ode
DeleteHahahaha I love this
DeleteMugu fall!
ReplyDeleteThis one happened on Thursday, New format of 419.
It happened to my neighbor, A customer came to the car shop and priced a car on Wednesday, after agreeing on the price of a C class 2006 model, he took the managers number with the promise that he will came back tomorrow (thursday). On thursday around 3pm he called the guy to bring the car to his hotel in festac that he will test drive the car there and make payment via bank transfer which is normal in business now. The young manager took the car without his oga's consent with one of his friend off they go.
Getting to mile 2 they called the Yahoo guy and he said that he is in fagbems filling station by express that they should bring the car there so that his driver can confirm it. When they got there he have a man who he told the guys is his driver and a Kia car which he came with. He took the car key from the driver and give the driver the c class key to drive it round and tell him if the car is good since he know more about cars than him. The man drove off and came back after few minutes and told the guy that the car movement is superb but the needs alignment which is a minor fault.
Remember when all this drama is going on no payment have been made and he told the car sellers when the man left with the car for testing that the man is his personal and trusted driver bla bla bla and they believed him.
When the driver came back with the car he gave him back the Kia key and took the Benz key from him and tell this car sellers that he want to confirm this thing his driver said about the alignment, and they foolishly agreed.
It was when they didn't see him like after 20 minutes they became worried and started calling him to ask where he test the car go and it was then they asked the driver about his oga! The driver told them that he don't know the young man from Adam o that he is a cab man which looking for his daily bread.(that was confirmed by the police from their park on friday) the 2 boys and the cab man have been in the sell since Thursday.
Advice to my fellow traders is this, don't let your goods go out of your shop if full payment have not been recieved except u have contract or understanding with such company or individual. Shine your eyes Yahoo guys are not smiling this period.
Stella I dey vex for u! Anytime u pick my call I go tell u why.
Bv krix.
Today na my birthday make una wish me well.
I'm so sorry but this story cracked me up!! Eyaaaaa sorry to the cab man and two boys. The cab man was looking for his daily bread and instead, ended up in jail. Chai! 419ers are wicked ohhhhhh
DeleteOk,this is my story,some years ago when d best mode of transport for the masses was the molue,i decided to board a rickety molue from oshodi to agege,(i was doing my IT in estate firm in agege,i was in my 3rd year in university),because I had very little money on me,i decided to find a tiny spot at d back door,i knew that by d time d conductor came to the back to collect the bus fare I could give him d little money on me or decide to jump out and run away if he decided to create trouble.
ReplyDeleteSo there I was jejely waiting for the conductor when I felt a hand feeling my manhood,(stella I freeze)unfortunately for the pick pocket behind me,he chose the wrong person to rob,my trouser didn't have any pocket(as na d way I buy am for bend down and as I didn't have any money to put a pocket,i decide to wear it like that)boy I was shocked as he kept on touching my dick,probably he felt he was touching my wallet
Truth was d guy had 2 jump off even before we got to d next b/stop and all I kept saying was Ole ni Bobo yen sha,nobody knew what happened except the two of us and I had a good laugh when I got to the office
N.B
This is a true life story
Lmaooooo. I'm crying 😂😂😂😂😂 the thief had no idea na hand job he dey give. 😂😂😂😂
DeleteHahahahaha. A very good one
DeleteLmao. Stella this is really funny
DeleteOk,this is my story,some years ago when d best mode of transport for the masses was the molue,i decided to board a rickety molue from oshodi to agege,(i was doing my IT in estate firm in agege,i was in my 3rd year in university),because I had very little money on me,i decided to find a tiny spot at d back door,i knew that by d time d conductor came to the back to collect the bus fare I could give him d little money on me or decide to jump out and run away if he decided to create trouble.
ReplyDeleteSo there I was jejely waiting for the conductor when I felt a hand feeling my manhood,(stella I freeze)unfortunately for the pick pocket behind me,he chose the wrong person to rob,my trouser didn't have any pocket(as na d way I buy am for bend down and as I didn't have any money to put a pocket,i decide to wear it like that)boy I was shocked as he kept on touching my dick,probably he felt he was touching my wallet
Truth was d guy had 2 jump off even before we got to d next b/stop and all I kept saying was Ole ni Bobo yen sha,nobody knew what happened except the two of us and I had a good laugh when I got to the office
N.B
This is a true life story
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMyself, my then boyfriend (who is now my husband) and two of his friends while chilling behind our house, in calabar (we were corpers) suddenly we heard an Errrie sound coming from an uncompleted building just close to us, they all raced there while I stayed back, thesame speed they used in running to the building was thesame speed they used in running back without stopping, I was wondering why when they started shouting Python! Python! We are from the north seeing big snakes like that is a big deal and really scary, I ran without turning back, lol...villagers were later called and they killed the snake which just swallowed an adult goat, they opened its tummy and removed the goat and also skinned it, the time for who takes the skin brought trouble, no be small fight....three people were injured with the axe they used to kill the snake, soldiers were called to restore calm, immediately they came they didn't utter a word, they just carried the skin, put it in their van and drove off quietly, na there quarrel end, na so everybody quiet, they just shared the goat meat plus the python meat Jeje and taxed themselves to treat the injured😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteMyself, Martha, my then boyfriend (who is now my husband) and two of his friends while chilling behind our house, in calabar (we were corpers) suddenly we heard an Errrie sound coming from an uncompleted building just close to us, they all raced there while I stayed back, thesame speed they used in running to the building was thesame speed they used in running back without stopping, I was wondering why when they started shouting Python! Python! We are from the north seeing big snakes like that is a big deal and really scary, I ran without turning back, lol...villagers were later called and they killed the snake which just swallowed an adult goat, they opened its tummy and removed the goat and also skinned it, the time for who takes the skin brought trouble, no be small fight....three people were injured with the axe they used to kill the snake, soldiers were called to restore calm, immediately they came they didn't utter a word, they just carried the skin, put it in their van and drove off quietly, na there quarrel end, na so everybody quiet, they just shared the goat meat plus the python meat Jeje and taxed themselves to treat the injured😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteNawa oooo. I can't even think of any gist but I really need that 10k. *cries*
ReplyDeleteHa! Speaking of liars. My neighbour for lodge wey dey claim runs babe of uniport just dey tell her friends say she go spend the weekend with 'Governor of Abuja'.... you need to see how her friends dey hail her " ah! Babe you get level o, carry us along naw"
ReplyDeleteBiko I'm still in shock till today... babes make una fear God for the kind lie ona dey lie! Governor of abuja ko, prime minister of middle belt ni!
Lmao
DeleteThis is my gist, my name is Promise
ReplyDeleteIn those days when we were in secondary school
You know how we girls used to form, my dad being a confirm Calabar man was very short and stout, I on the other hand I was tall and pretty that people found it hard to believe he was my dad.
Now my friends in school had tall and cute dads and so I prevented them from seeing mine so that they will not mock me lols. I was a big girl in school, one of the most stylish.
My mum was tall and pretty and so I always boasted that my dad was an handsome man too. I never took them home when he was around.
I carried on till when it was time to pay for my WAEC, my dad insisted on coming to my school to pay for me by himself, I assured him that I can handle the cash and all by myself, but he insisted. On the fateful day, I gave him my details and the principals phone number so that he will just go straight to the principal's office with my details and pay the money and if the man is not around, he will call him on the phone, he will not have to look for me. I also told him that we will be having a serious practical in the lab, so I won't be able to see him. I relaxed in class on this day, laughing and chatting away during break time when I saw this man coming towards my class, I quickly told my friends that our neighbour had come to see his daughter, maybe he wanted to ask me one or two questions, I quickly went outside to meet him, my friends followed me! (Chai! Badluck) I asked my dad in English (bad move) " sir, are you through? Hope there is no problem?" My dad replied back in Calabar English " ju are speaging Engrish to yua father, yua father no understand oyibo Engrish oo". My friends bursted into a loud laughter, he laughed with them and even gave them money, I wished I could disappear immediately, he then gave me the keys to our apartment and left.
My "yanga" in school ceased from that day. Lols
Lol.. Bad child
DeleteLolz
ReplyDeleteI vote Frost bite. You nor dey involved,very funny.
ReplyDeleteI took my little niece to the hospital for her medical check up. This my niece can talk for Africa. So I was surprised when she suddenly became quiet and withdrawn immediately we entered the doctor's office. When the doctor wanted to touch her, she clung to me and was muttering something that sounds as if she was pronouncing 'calabar'. Since there was no correlation between Calabar and what we came there to do, I quickly dismissed her. She was trying to supress her tears until the doctor came close to examine her. Only then did she cry out! ' Ojuju Calabar ish here! ' Ojuju Calabar ish here'!As she was shouting, she was pointing at the doctor. Indeed the doctor was dark but has some white patches on his face and hands that will make you wonder if he is half albino. When I tried to cover my niece's mouth with my palm, the doctor told me to let her be. He said that wasn't the first time he is experiencing that from people. In his words:" What I suffered from was a third degree burn that would have taken my life if not for God. So if God has spared my life to this stage, I don't bother how people treat me". I left the hospital humbled.
ReplyDeleteLol. See as shame leave you catch me. Ur hustle no pay biko!
DeleteSo last weekend I went to visit my sister who has a little girl of a year six months,she was so happy to see me and immediately didn't waste time to dance and sing whatever it is she was singing for me lol. That's how I and her mum started gossiping and forgot that I left my bag in her play room and this girl was busy singing mama is a good girl iyaiyayo without us knowing that she was shredding all d money in my purse Chai e remain small make I cry oo cos 7500 na like Million now.anyway sha I managed to resurrect some.
ReplyDeleteI used to be one fashionable gurl in school then.. I wear heels like say tomorrow no Dey.. so one day during exam period, I decided to wear on on on stileto that I wear to church to school the shoe fine no be small and I sabbi catwalk with am too. So na so I wear the shoe take bike stop for front of school gate. Na so I say make I head to shuttle side where buses Dey carry people enter school, na I see my friends Edith and stellamaris Dey come na I bone shuttle decide to treck with them. Na so Edith ask me Tonia can u walk with that? Na I squeeze face ohhh what do u mean is it today I started walking with heels?Na she say ok oh. Na so we start to treck before u know it my legs don start to Dey shake I say make I look from stella and Edith don pass me na I say ha u guys should wait for me na. As them turn back see me Dey shake Dey come na their two burst laff.. all my face start to red shame no gree me.. na so these girls waka leave me oh say dem Dey rush go class make exam no go finish. I look back shutle side Dey back back I don waka pass am well well.. I no come know whether make it it front or or back go enter the shuttle and students full everywhere some Dey come back from exam some Dey go.. na so sweat full my body tears start to roll. I come Dey ask myself who send me high shoe.. I come gather mind Dey waka Dey go ohh all my legs don bend finish Dey shake like say electric Dey shock me.. if u don watch those runway catwalk fails b4 u go understand wetin I mean.. na so as I Dey manage Dey fool myself Dey go na I see one girl for my hostel oh I come Dey hapy say I go tell her to hold my hand make she support me make I waka go back to shuttle since na shuttle near pass exam hall.. if u attend AAU u go understand.. as I say make I say betty pls na I hear loud outburst of laughter.. hahahahah Tonia is that u??? I look her shame catch me na she say haaa Tonia who put u on a heel.. JESUS I almost faint with embarrassment bcos she and plenty of her friends na Dey waka.Na so she waka pass me oh. Na I summon courage ohh continue.. as luck would have it I see one chick Wey Dey sell richarge card na I branch meet her beg her to give me her slippers make she hold my shoe.. if u see her slippers ehhhh crase no go wear am but for my eyes dat moment dat slippers better pass all d jimmy choos on earth.. Na I Drop my handbag my expensive textbook join ohhh as insurance say I go return her slippers.. as she gimme na I bolt go hall..My friends Edith and stella see me Dey laugh for hall.. me no talk ohh I just Dey hapy say I finally made it to the hall without breaking a tooth
ReplyDeleteLol. So funny. I can relate. Hahahahahahhahahah, kpele
Delete😂😂😂😂
DeleteWen i was 8/9yrs old, my mum snt me on an errand to gt a bag filled with things she bought from the market from her colleague.
ReplyDeletethis colleague's house was 30mins fa from my house. on my way there i saw my frnds on the road playing. as per "playaholic" wen i b,i joined the wagon. played until my frnds were reasy to go back home. on ur way home we were stil playing.
i got home and my mum asked me where the bag was and that was when i remembered that mumc sent me. immediately i manufactured a wonderful lie that shocked even the devil.
told my mum that there was an accident involving a Julius Berger trailer and it killed so many people. i even started crying just to make my story believable. told her the sight of the blood and human flesh didnt let me pass through the road so i decided to come back home.
did i mention that my mum was sick??
she told me to b careful next time and i shld go close to accident scenes.
later that day in the evening,my mum said that i shld go bck there coz she had meat in the bag and it will get spoilt if not boiled that day. stil in my lying state i told her that i really wont feel comfortable walking past the scene of the accident.
and that was how my mother said she was going to go with me! ahh!!
i told her not to worry that i will go alone since she's sick. my mama nor gree o.
una need to c drama when we reach the place. my mama jez ask me ah ahn Where is the blood now?? i saw a heap of dirt from afar and told her that they gathered it there. mumc went close to c it o. she stil nor c anyfin. na so she enter my family friend supermkt around that place begin ask question o. the woman cald al ha children out to ask them if an accident happened in tbe dream that day.
all of them start to laugh me o
chai i felt sooo embarassed ehn
i stpd passing that place bt til tommorrow they stil rmbr the gist.
This gist happened in my building last Saturday
ReplyDeleteA guy had stolen a neighbour's phone and probably forgot to switch it off lols. We asked round and everyone including the thief denied seeing the phone. We started trying the number, he wanted to go into his room but we stopped him. The phone started ringing and it was traced to his room. We entered and searched every nooks and cranies but couldn't locate where it was ringing, we asked him to go and bring it out or we will call the police. Lo and behold, this guy opened a pot of cooked rice and brought out the phone, it was buried in the rice....hahahahahahahaha
I'm Esther.
LOOL. THIS GOT ME LAUGHING.
DeleteLols, in the cooked rice?
DeleteLmao..lolsooo
DeleteI swear no one would have seen that phone
Lols lols, so what now happened to him? Did he go to jail?
DeleteLols @foolish phone tif
DeleteLols, just imagine, crazy guy
DeleteLols
DeleteHaba! Lols the guy no well
DeleteLol. Desperate times call for desperate measures
DeleteLiar how did you now hear it ring dry joke,buried in rice Na em e no spoil.
DeleteLols hehehehehehe
DeleteLols very funny
Delete😂😂😂 Cheei
DeleteMy gist be say*huhhhhh*
ReplyDeleteNa only that money I need,oya stella send am now now
It was the month of December and mum was outside the country and couldn't spend xmas with us here in Nigeria and as such decided to send money and some other stuffs for my kid brother and I for xmas. Mum even went as far as sending dried full chicken. I told her to send the money for the chicken instead but she refused saying she needed us to have a taste of the chicken because she claimed the chicken was delicious. And I was like ok oooo. My dear, that was how mumsi waybilled dried chicken and some other stuffs from a neighbouring west African Country to Nigeria (Lagos). Chai! Na so the chicken dey road for 3 days oooo before it reached Lagos. Hmm, my brother was called to come pick the items from Mazamaza in the evening and when he reached there, it was discovered that our assumed sweet chicken don spoil finish and was smelling. People around became uncomfortable and started asking my brother what was smelling in the bag and he told them it was spoilt chicken due to the heat from the car for days.
ReplyDeleteNa so my brother carry the big Ghana must go come main road so as to enter bus coming back home. He got into a bus with the load and everybody in the bus started doing " hmmmmmmmmmmmmm" some were like " wetin dey smell for here self? And another said " Na dead body! dead body! Who carry dead body for here? Chai! What an embarrassment. Thank God say no be me go that journey. My brother tried to explain to them say na chicken but they shut him up saying shut up! Na dead body you carry. Open that bag!
The bag was sealed as of then but had to be opened a little to clear their doubt. After they saw what was in the bag, they chased him out of the bus because they couldn't withstand the smell.
He had to take a bike from Mazamaza to home straight since no bus agreed to carry him.
He got home and told me what he went through and I didn't know whether to laugh or pity him but I still laughed sha. I was like why didn't you throw away the chicken when you discovered this and he was like" nna ehhh nawa oooo...
I guess from Ghana. Their chicken dey delicious.
DeleteI've got several gist to tell just for laughs. About my personal experience though.
ReplyDeleteEarly last month, I arrived My compound in Lagos State after being away for some months and a little girl of about 4 years walked up to me and was like" aunty didn't you see me?" And I said " I saw you ooo, how are you na?" And she said " why you did not greet me na?"
Shuoooo? Can you imagine?
During xmas period too, the same little girl made a lovely hair with colourful beads and I was like" your hair is fine ooo, see your beautiful hair. I will make my own fine hair like your own and add beads to it too." And she was like "Are you a baby? Beads are for babies." And I jokingly said " yes na, I am a baby." And she said " it's a lie, you are a mummy, see your big breast."
ReplyDeleteNa so I pick race comot from there ooo before she go tell me another one.
Lolz. Up coming Emmanuella
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ReplyDeleteMy baby is 8months old and she doesn't eat anything except breast milk...so I followed a bbmc for kids and I read you Can feed babies with green beans..u cook the green beans and puree it ,that babies love it..so I decided to try it on a Saturday morning ooo,and I had a wedding to attend that day,I tried it for her and she ate small portion of it,I was like yes I have finally found what she likes..so I decided to put some of the pureed green beans in her plate and take to the wedding..at the wedding she started crying cus she was hungry na so I bring out the green beans puree poo,people wey dey my table come Dey ask me say what is that...I come Dey form ajebu mama say it's"green beans" they were like wow na ajebu food be that ooo..I said yes she doesn't like this local food,she loves this a lot...I no know say devil was use me do push up that day.instead of me to jeje carry her go outside go feed her I decide to feed her there for the table...mind u na white lace be the wedding colour...as I put one spoon for nd mouth na so she spit am all over my face ooo..all my face cover with green ooo..My make up turn green ,as I Dey struggle to clean my face naim she drag the plate for my hand ooo,the puree pour for my cloth ooo..I turn to green woman just like that..na so people wey Dey my table and the other tables wey see wetin happen burst laff ooo..shame catch me die..e be like say make ground open make I enter inside..I just stand up from the table say excuse me lemme go and clean myself..immediately I reach outside na house straight.. I no fit ever forget that day...na Faith be the name..
ReplyDeleteA Nigerian mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them
ReplyDelete"Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code"
So....... after a week, the 1st daughter texted
"NESCAFE"
and the next week the 2nd daughter text
"BENSON"
the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label
"fantastic till the last drop"
went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarette and read
"Extra long, king size"
she smiled and said "not bad for their ages".
After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted
"NAIROBI to MOMBASA",
the mother then called Kenya airways helpdesk to enquire about their Nairo-Mombasa flight and they replied
"it's 3times daily, 7days a week, and the flight duration is 75mins".
The mother fell down and shouted.
"igweeeeeeeee!!! This one will kill my daughter oooooooh...
#copied#
Looooooooooooool!
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ReplyDeleteMy friends & I went for lunch one afternoon in my university days in our favorite cafeteria. The place was filled up as usual,and we sat down and ordered for food.A girl we met there called one of the waitresses and demanded for toothpick. This notorious rude girl now ask her,'what did you eat that you want to pick?'You ordered for rice without meat and you are asking for toothpick. Everybody started laughing and turned to her direction.The babe was so embarrassed to stand up cos the guys were very many.After a while,one handsome guy walked straight to her and took her away.They fell in love later and are happily married till date.
ReplyDeleteYou are kidding!!!???
DeleteOK so, I recall when I was 7 years old. For yard that time, my elder brother asked me to go find 'funnel' for am. My dear, to me na 'four-neil' I hear oh/ I think say him mean....
ReplyDeleteNa so I begin find nails o... it was almost 7pm and getting dark. Few minutes later I went to my my elder bros with 3 nails say I no see the fourth one. Come see konks of life.
Na that day I know wetin be funnel.
My friends & I went for lunch one afternoon in my university days in our favorite cafeteria. The place was filled up as usual,and we sat down and ordered for food.A girl we met there called one of the waitresses and demanded for toothpick. This notorious rude girl now ask her,'what did you eat that you want to pick?'You ordered for rice without meat and you are asking for toothpick. Everybody started laughing and turned to her direction.The babe was so embarrassed to stand up cos the guys were very many.After a while,one handsome guy walked straight to her and took her away.They fell in love later and are happily married till date.
ReplyDeleteOkay so a man I know was gisting outside my house & told us this story...His name is Uncle G,His dad was a drunk whom they all feared anytime he comes home including their mum,he is always throwing tantrums & no one dared complain,after some years uncle G was all grown & in boarding school,so one day when he came home for holiday someone rushed home to call his mum that their dad is by the gutter side & is vomiting,that was how uncle G vexed,went to carry the man home & tied him to the edge of the bed with the cloth he vomited on...
ReplyDeleteNext morning papa don wake & was surprised to see he was tied up,his wife removed the belt & since that day his dad became humble...
So there was an igbo/yoruba couple who had a fight on whose soup they should eat more,the husband insisted they have good igbo soups but the wife disagreed & started naming yoruba soups
ReplyDeleteWife: we have ewedu
Okro
Egusi
Apon
Efo riro
Efo elemi meji(vegetable with 2lives)
Efo elemi meta(vegetable with 3lives)
Efo elemi meje(vegetable with 7lives)
Husband cuts in:Efo elemi meje ko Efo oni 6pack nii Baby efo oni bullet proof abi ibon nko?
Interpretation(not only vegetable with 7lives you will see the one with 6packs,baby what about vegetable that has bullet proof or gun)
I have watched this comedy before jo..they were arguing about amala and ewedu vs ofe owerri..
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ReplyDeleteReading all this gist now and laughing alone while ma baby already crawl and walk to the balcony and I never knew I didn't cover the engine oil keg very well,since I didn't hear him call mama I pause to look for him only to see my yellow boy in pampers without cloths turned black he already poured the engine oil on the floor 5litres for that matter..my baby don swim,swam,swum,roll I can't describe it but I really feel like crying because water isn't running upstairs and having calling aboki e is not picking to make matter worse hubby just called that he will not come home today.no hope is lost I had to take him downstairs for thorough scrubbing...
ReplyDeleteI need this money bad but no gist for now.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to d winner.
I just have to tell this story of how I cried for almost 2 hours.... Wen I was a kid I love social gathering and Neva stop been active esp in d church. I grew up in a catholic family so den we use to go to morning mass as early as 6am... My mum would wake us up to get ready;so it happened that one Saturday morning d tim was re schedule to 5.30am.i woke up as usual did alittle freshen up(brush my teeth and wash my face)and on leaving I remember I didn't hv my head tie on I went back and search for it but is no where... I searched and searched but I didn't see it my dad was d first to wake up and join in d search later was my mum and other siblings but all to no avail.. I started crying my parents advice me to forget abt going to morning for dat day but I insisted..... D search continued till 6.35am as I was not willing to give up but just wen I was abt gving up one of my sister laugh and pointed to d headtie which was right at my waist...... It den dat I rememberd dat I had tied it to my waist at night so as not to look for it in d morning.....
ReplyDeleteIt happened in 2006 dec im my hostel in d university. It was d first saturday of dat dec n around 6am, my rummie came in wit her friend who was squatting with us from dia vigil, dey b mfm. As dey came in, they started praying n I cldnt sleep again so around 7, I decided to go out n wash my clothes, as I was abt starting a guy came to me n said I shld gv him small kerosene he wantd to burn d bush beside us, so I went in n immediately I did, dis two ple praying in my room started saying sister deola, God wants to visit you. Pls kneel down n start thanking God, hnmmm, na so I start o, singing all manner of songs, latter, one said God said I have sinned and dat I shld start crying for forgiveness, my ple, I started crying o, dey said I shld start singing pass me not o gentle savoir, I sang for like 2hrs, one will say sister deola, pls cry n let God know dat u re repentant. Hnmmm, I was crying m dey wia shouting n speaking in tongues arnd 11(from arnd 7 o) I heard my neighbours knocking but I cldnt leave cos of my pastors. Later I heard my neighbours laffin, I was beggining to go hungry n no more strength to cry, I wl open my eyes a little to know if they re looking at me, when I saw dat it was 11:30, omo, me too I started speaking in tongues o, hian na so my pastors begin shout hallelujah, hallelujah, I come surprise say watin happen, one say God don answer my prayer, I am cleansed. Say make me too begin shout hallelujah, na so I begin shout o, dem open door for me say make I dey go up n down our corridor for 100* o. withth dis hunger, I say hennn, d oda one say na 4x I go do am, 25 in d morning n 25 in d noon, 25 in d evenin n d last one at nite. If I didn't form speaking in tongues, I wld I av cried till evening o. My hostel mates laff me till I graduate o. Anytime I remember, I dey laff mysef, a whole me, crying for hours with my juniors ooo.
ReplyDeleteMy own gist bck in 2012 people normally say i don't shake my waste when walking that i need to do so because i'm a woman for guys to notice me, hmmmmm what will i do than to follow people say i say okay since i can't shake my waste that i need to wear a Short flat skirt atleast that one will make my bum shake i come waka go market people start to look me i come say yes i be fine babe i come enter market one of my contsumer where they sell make up say u no go buy i say no i come say make i go greet him, i don't know who call breezen say make he come na so the breezen carry my Short skirt up and it was only pant i wear see laugh na so my constomer give me sit make i sidon first he like say wrong spending full dis gist o
ReplyDelete😂😂😂
DeleteGood evening everyone. So this happened sometime around 2008 in Lagos. There was this spoilt, rude, stubborn and I'll-mannered girl named Christiana who had only her father as her guardian, her mother was late. She and her boyfriend agreed that they should both have a baby so that when she eventually gain admission into Unilag, she will not forget him. She got pregnant and people started laughing at her and saying "na God catch her, this one no let her abort". Her sister found out but did not tell their dad because of christiana' s troublesome nature. One evening when her father was returning from work, one Ishan woman who never liked this girl stopped him and asked him if he knew his daughter was pregnant, the man responded by saying "eh ehn I see say her belly big, but I think say she chop Belle full". Everyone who had him started laughing. The man later confronted his daughter but instead she picked a fight with her older sister because she thought she was the one that informed their dad.
ReplyDeleteCharity reporting from Ekksodin
Stella you did not say if the 12 o clock is Nigeria time or Germany time, you know there is one hour difference
ReplyDeleteMiss Aboki, u see why it is good to be well behaved even on a "faceless blog"?
ReplyDeleteNo single reply on ur gist
SMH @ you
Marriage counselor and idara, u guys have issues.don't u try to read before posting? Very stupid stories. Mtscheeweeeew. Everything u were trying to say got lost in translation,because u couldn't write properly.
ReplyDelete