Saturday In House Gists -Freestyle And Winners.

The two posters Of today's IHG  automatically win 5K each....

This is money from last weeks in house gists.

Enjoy the gists and both first and second posters should contact me with their account numbers.

Picking of winners would be spontaneous from now on but might not be every week.Enjoy the gists and drop your free style if you have to entertain us

GIST 1

TORN PAENTIES.

Soo I just had the most embarrassing Friday evening ever so I decided to send this in for Saturday's in house gist...

  This is horrible but I have an old red cotton pant, it was a gift from my ex. I remember looking at the pant the day we broke up and thinking about how I was going to frustrate that pant the way he frustrated me during the course of our relationship.

  I wore that pant yesterday bearing in mind that it was torn all over. In my mind I was like who cares...it's not like anyone was going to see it anyways. So I put it on slowly, all the while imagining that it was my ex. I even farted in the process and felt really good about it.

  On my way back from work, the vehicle I was in spoilt so I had to take a bike back home. Unfortunately my shirt was not long enough and unknown to me at first, my whole posterior was out for the world to see which would not have been bad if I had just worn one of my good panties. 

   Dear Stella and fellow blog visitors, you guys need to feel sorry for me. A bike carrying two stupid guys passed and they were arguing about if it was a g string or if my pant was actually torn.kai. 

One even said "guy you no see the thing, the thing don wash, person no fit know if na red or pink". I just squeezed face and re-adjusted myself as if it wasn't me they were referring to but those fellows weren't going no where. In fact their bike guy started moving at the same speed as mine. I tried to get my bike guy to move faster but he did not budge. At some point his shoulders started shaking as if he was holding back laughter. 

The worst thing I did yesterday was to face them like "wetin be una own, you no go move ni". Kai you guys can imagine the rest sha. Those goats gave it to me ehn. ''Fine girl like you, you no fit buy common paent and that thing you wear na wire. One even claimed he knows me that I form too much ''so na this kain thing dey under sef''. Tears were already pooling in my eyes by the time I got home. Suffice to say I got a candle and burnt the damn thing like as in a ritual.

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GIST 2

THE WOLF AND THE LION

This happened three years ago !

When the devil asks you to be stubborn for no reason, just know your

village people have finalised your beating. 

I woke up one morning and started forming teenwolf.i was breaking plates,yelling at everybody,and biting my siblings. Na so my papa carry me go police station becox he works there and then he told his colleagues to finish me.

 I was locked,then i started hitting the cell walls and shouting "devil is in me,i am the wolf, i will kill all of you".

Na so one short pot-bellied policeman walked in and said

''I HAVE DEALT WITH LION MEN AND YOU ARE FORMING WOLF ABI. THAT DEVIL GO LEAVE YOU 2DAY''

After serious beating(Trust Nigeria police).

POLICE: What s in you?

ME: devil

(another round of special beating). I started pleading "Ejo sir, "i no

go do am again".. chai, i ended up with a blackeye.

Since then, i only copy mr ibu and francis odega (mr gerrarahia).i

cannot let American film to come and kill me.

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GIST 3

THIEVES NO GET WORK AGAIN

Okay let me try a shot at this.I was gisting with my friend wide eyed who is a BV here and then we started talking about gated estates in Lagos and all.I said gated estates don dey disturb thief and then concluded by saying ''come oh,e don tey when i hear about thief matter last oh and it must be because of all these secure gated estates now and wide eyed goes

''Na true oh SDK,I don dey think the thing.Eyaa so how do thieves survive now?''

*Audience Laugh*

And i replied ''Abeg i no even wan know or do a to ask because i sure say those thieves out of jobs go dey read blogs and hey,some fit be blog visitors oh!

*Wild audience laugh*

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GIST 4

UNFINISHED GIST

Hi SDK and the honourable 'members' of sdkb, how is your weekend going? Anyway my own weekend is dry and so I decided to share this gist from my days in the higher institution maybe, just maybe I will win a token to sort a few things out. 

In those days when I newly gained admission to the polytechnic, you know as a fresher your shakara will be on another level, the kind of 'combination' that you would be wearing to class na die lols. When boys toast you then, especially 'staylites' (old students) you would be feeling fly. Well, there was this holiday that I travelled to Lagos, entered aswani market and bought so many second hand clothes for use when school resumes. Among the clothes was a black transparent top. I loved this top to pieces and was praying for school to resume fast so that I can rock the top to class.

Well school resumed and yes I rocked my new top, I wore a black strapless bra beneath this top. After the day's lecture, one of my toasters came and chatted me up, he was with his friend. I noticed that all the while they were both staring at my chest, I just ignored them and kept gisting and laughing. Well a friend of mine joined us and immediately called me aside, she said the strapless bra I wore beneath had shifted from my chest and my two breasts could be clearly seen under the top. I quickly pulled the bra up and just went home straight, my two admirers were calling me to come and finish the gist, I just ignored them and virtually ran home..

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GIST 5
SDK PALAVA

Monday and Tuesday I noticed my system wasn't opening your blog.. initially I thought it was network issh.. By wed I tried only another site and it opened poorly.. by Friday I was forced to ask the IT personnel.. lolzz Lo n behold he said GM told him to scrape everything..as I speak na only facebook dey work.. 

lol.. 

He said they know I in particular visit on blog.. cos he sees something on the screen called SDK blablabla.. n my company name is *** blablabla.. that he was forced to check. And saidso that's what I spend time on..lolzzz.. you do well.. na my phone I dey use now .

To get 3G is difficult in my work place..

have a nice weekend..

Thank God them nor pursue me from work cos of you... kikikikiki

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These are the remaining cards like I promised.....

MTN: 

           

4575450486754399

         

 5351114913704674

         

 7170343289602539

Airtel:

8646473542241014

8268692593033330

8509247296416274

Etisalat:

007997326297534

225174469232951

Glo:

377159533852619

377151984710088