Saturday In House Gist...Hilarious Reality!

Hahahahahhahahaha na wah oh...Really funny gist...Really one moment of crase....So the two winners got paid last week and this week i never know how e wan be,abeg make we just flow.these gists them too sweet.

ONE MOMENT OF CRASE.

SDK Boss, I hail thee!

I beg you, help me look whether I don dey mad oh, abi na ordinary curiosity bin worry me? the kind mumu man dey make woman mumu ehe? Hmmm. 

 So, yesterday na one of my colleague baby naming, I no plan to go because the address dem give us dey for the same estate wey my ex-bae (Broke up almost 4 months ago) dey live and I must pass him house to reach my colleague house, but my tightest paddy for my office beg beg beg sotey I tell her why I no wan go, she come talk say make I no worry say she go make sure I no misbehave. Na so I drive follow her for back waka oh till we reach the naming location. 

As we dey waka sha, we pass my ex house na so I sight one red kia near him gate (na only him dey live for that compound / house so I know say the person wey carry dat car come visit am as na my former parking space be dat if I no wan sleep for him house). 

 The thing pain me ehe! This na person wey they carry my name dey spoil say I don ruin him life say him no fit follow woman talk again sef BLA BLA BLA meanwhile red kia dey come “visit-gbensh” am. CHAI!

We dey the naming oh na so I just dey think this thing and the more I dey think am, the more the thing dey pain me. I think am sotey I decide say if I dey pass and the red kia still dey dia, I go hide park till the person come out. Na so my friend say oya make we dey go because tomorrow sef na work and children dey house wey she wan look before dem sleep, na so I lie say make she dey go make I wait for the bbq fish and chicken, na so she yab me finish say shebi I no wan come before but as I don see food I no wan follow her go again, she say she don dey go oh becos she get children for house. 

I say ok no wahala wen I chop the fish finish me I go waka dey go my own. Na so she give me side eyes say make I no stop for my ex place oh, I say “FOR WHAT? AM I MAD?!” 

she give me anoda side eyes before she waka dey go her house.  SDK, if you see as I carry speed go the street wey my ex dey live ehe?. As I sight the red kia again my mind just happy! Na so I talk say I go dey here today till the owner of this car comout from the house, omo see waiting na…..i commot from the naming a little over after 7pm….8.20pm…. 9pm…. Mumu me still dey dia dey wait…..i still sit down dia dey tell myself say I don dey craze….certainly mumu don dey worry me but  I still sit down oh…9.30pm….this red kia owner never come out….na so I set target for 10pm, I come talk say if I dey here till 10pm she never comout I go begin go……na lie oh….10.15pm, na so I shift am to 10.30pm again……at dat point I don dey VEX! My face don RED! 

 Luckily before 10.30pm knack na so dem come out! Chai! SDK I no know the spirit wey enter my body na so I start the car vrooooom rush go meet them (completely clueless about what I was doing and what I was going to do next) na so I come out begin greet them oh…… with mumu smile for my face …… serious greeting oh, as I dey greet I dey size the woman up dey look her face and body for comparison with mine…… na so the guy begin ask me wetin I find come here na so me sef talk say I come naming but as I just dey pass I see them, he come dey ask me by this time? 

Say which kind naming dem dey do by this time?  I say yes na people still dey there sef….. na so I ask….. is this your wife? Fiance? GF? Kikikiiiiii kiiiiiiiii mumu question oh but who I send?…… SDK, THE WOMAN NO EVEN GET LABEL!  

At least I was a GF…….. he friend zoned her immediately, na so the woman sef confuse come put one frown for her face…… na dat time I remember say time don go say make I dey go my house….. na so the guy leave the girl follow me waka dey go my car…. Na so I rush enter, jam the door lock am sharp sharp…. 

He come dey knock for the window na so I open am small….. he come abuse me small sha, in fact he abuse me well well… na so me too I abuse am small too dey laff join on top….him dey abuse me dey call me stalker……himself dey laff on top the whole matter….dey call me crazy woman.

SDK and BVs abeg…. Shey no be say craze never dey worry me because the thing wey I do sef no get head and tail ehe…. Luckily, my house sef no too far and traffic don clear so I reach house sharp sharp….

NA WAH oh…. GOD ABEG PICK MY CALL AND GIVE ME MY MAN MAKE THIS CRAZE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ps... sorry for the pidgin-English, the regular English version of the story was just too difficult to compose.

Sincerely yours

Momentarily crazy woman

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MR WASIU'S SON

This story is about something embarrassing that happened to me...it sha taught me a lesson about gossiping.

  I work in a school, you guys know how schools are now... Lot of kids and all. Cute kids, stubborn kids and co. 

There was this day I was asked to help the driver of the school bus organize the kids for them to be taken home as one of the buses was down. There was a little boy that had catarrh in his nose, which wasn't so awful except he kept coming to hold my hands close to his face. I had to drag my hands from him several times while trying to organize the kids but the boy kept coming back to do the same thing. I turned to the driver and was like "Mr Kenny  please help me hold this kid Biko, he keeps rubbing catarrh all over me".The man smiled and carried the boy away. 

   The next day, the boy came again and this time it was like the catarrh had gotten thicker. It was all over his face. I ignored him and kept organizing the other kids just for someone to point out that he was running his face all over my dress from behind. I was mad!!.. Me that had a date after work, I just provoked and shouted at the driver "what kind of nonsense is this na, I've been seeing this kid with this running nose for more than a month now, why can't his parents get him drugs or something". 

The man did not say anything but he carried the boy away from me again and put him in the bus. Instead of me to shut up... Mba!! I didn't.. I just kept talking " some parents need to take better care of their kids abeg.. This boy doesn't ever cut his hair and he is always looking sick, I can't deal with such abeg, I need to find out who his parents are". That is how I carried the boy to the head teachers office to ask for his parents number or address or something and the head teacher was like "ah ah, that is Mr Wasius son". I was confused " who is Mr Wasiu biko" I asked,almost scared of what the answer might be.

"The driver na... Mr kehinde Wasiu"

If I could faint, I would have done that. I was gossiping about a child to his own father. I did not know how to feel mehn. You need to see the way I walked back to meet the man in shame. The worst thing is that the man didn't even talk to me. He just kept going about his duty. Till today, I've been forming nice aunty to the boy but for where... Guilty conscience is real mehn.

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SINGLES AND MINGLES ORIGINAL

Then in the days when we use to see an advertiser on the newspaper for hook ups on relationships like single and mingle. so i picked this particular guys number and called that i saw his number on the news paper so we got talking for like a week and eventually he invited me over to his state Lagos and I was residing in Benin

 Why i agreed going to see him in Lagos is still a misery to me because if it's now I wouldn't try something like that and not that I was desperately in need of marriage then or something else. 

So back to the story, that was how I carried my two left legs o entered lag without informing any member of my family the exact place I was heading to. So on my way going, he was keeping in touch, trying to know where and where I was, I guess I was so carried away the way he sounds on the phone, he has got this cute voice like that of a white guy or let me say like a Nigerian ajebota type of voice lol...

 I was like mehn na correct odudu I jam so oooh.. 

I was just so full of joy and finally I got to Ojota and let him know i am there now.....na so omo guy say him they on his way they come oo....within 1hr hmmm mm I was still waiting.... na so I they imagine any flashy cars that pass to see if he was the one driving down, finally he came...

He first of all called and said ''honey am at ojota now where exactly are you standing''..

 so I told him I was under the fly over by that Philip building, hoping he was the one driving in, na so I begin they shine teeth for the owner of the flashy car when they drive towards me, omo na so oga owner of car drive pass me oooo. 

Immediately someone taped me on the back with a smile on the face ''Hi are you not Sandra??'' 

Instant heat came upon me and I took a deep breath and said yes, everything just happened so fast, then he introduced himself that he is the one i have been waiting for and calling my line same time to confirm it. 

Oh boy lol...this guy looks exactly like a loader, wore a pan slippers with an over seized trouser and veryyyy short but fair in completion, I just controlled my self and jejely followed him, na so we begin they jump from one bus to the other, finally we entered the third bus which he said was the last one that will lead us to his place, one hour and 30mins or more we were still on our way.

All through my journey with him to his place, I was seriously regretting taking such a decision to come over, was just looking at him stylishly inside the bus ...nothing to write about while he was feeling so happy that he had met a beautiful girl,guys get mind sha.... 

Na so we finally get to his place oo, it looks like a village, the whole area knew him as a jobless fellow because I could tell that from the way they were all staring at me with pity eyes,whispering to themselves, nobody greeted him and he greeted no one.

 That was how we finally entered his cube room, without even allowing me to rest, he was like trying to cuddle me, then I told him ''mehn I just came from a long distance journey, can I at least have some rest?''

 That was how I pretended like a mermaid till the next morning, was disturbing all through the night, which I pleaded with him to let me be, that he knows am staying for a week that I will be his all through. Na so the night long ehhh, refuse to be dawn. 

So when it was finally morning, he was carrying face , giving me attitude, didn't help me get water from the well, I managed on my own and went to take my shower from a face me I face you bathroom, nothing to write about, dressed up and told him i am sorry I had to leave, he didn't even argue with me at allll. 

Then I asked for fare, na so omo boy comot ohhh say he wan go look for money and came back empty handed and thought that would make me stay back.  after all said and done he managed to give me #500 lol you can imagine.

 That was how I managed down with the little I was having and begged at the park too to add to it, na so I take carry my two left legs back to my state. It was really a big lesson for me. And I learnt my lessons and never told anyone about it.