Went to Church with this ''Na me Holy pass'' look and ended up almost dropping to the floor because i slept off when service was going on.....The people around me covered up for me until i felt myself almost dropping to the ground,had to leave immediately.
At that point where sleep decided to disgrace me,NOTHING WORKED to make me stay awake...lol
Whats your gist?Doesnt need to ne a church gist as long as it is funny!
Woman half naked, all in d name of fashion, smh...
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday
DeleteHow is that a Hilarious church moment
DeleteBlock Head!!
Memo to miss essential: you ve tried o. Thanks for making me laugh to stupor on your comment on yesterday's chronicle. Lol at right of reply from the ghost. Can't stop laughing
DeleteI can never forget the experience I had when I was doing my "believers class" in 2004. We were preparing for baptism and our teacher told us to fast 3 days dry fasting. We all agreed to start on a Wednesday and end on Friday and we ll all meet in church for vigil to pray and all. To cut the story short, yours truly could not fast for 3 days and when we met on Friday our teacher asked if we broke our fast and myself and one other guy did. On Sunday our teacher who is also a minister called our names from the alter and asked both of us to stand and face the congregation and pray in tongue for 1hour, men the disgrace no get part2 after that day if them say make we fast 40days into gladly do am
DeleteWas feeling sleepy one tuesday evening in church because the AC was too cold i now started chewing gum. Bent my head down was checking something on my phone, didn't know the camera was focused on me. I just heard people laughing, as i raised my head, lo and behold na my face dey the screen. Shame wan kill me that day as church close
DeleteClimbed a mango tree, got canned by red ants, had to jump down the tree just to realize I had bruised a foot hours after the incident
ReplyDeleteEyah. Sorry
DeleteNot a church goer.
ReplyDeleteI'm a worshipper of God.
And an "obeyer" of his rules?
Delete#Yimu
DeleteSo where do u worship ur God?
DeleteOtu ocha,who asked you if you're a church goer
Delete@ Baby oku...in her Boo's bedroom
DeleteNa so una dey talk 😂😂😂 just tell us laziness has entered the matter we understand
DeleteLol...I gotta come back and read.
ReplyDeleteSat on a plastic chair during a wedding service and the chair broke in several pieces, so embarrassing cos I'm on d very big side, my son then added salt the injury . He said to d hearing of everyone" mummy I told you, you are too fat"
ReplyDeleteLmaooo children can disgrace person sha
DeleteLmao
DeleteHahahaha
DeleteLol Eyaa sorry
Delete😂😂😂😂
DeleteHahahahahaha...
DeleteI love that your son!,,.kiss him for me for telling you this..
Lol..
DeleteRead comments.
ReplyDeleteWe were having a mixed service once, so youths, teens and adults sat together in the big church. I was seated beside some young black not so fine girls, yes I was being judgemental.
ReplyDeleteso the pastor asked everyone to turn to his/her neighbor and say in faith you are my future partner, it was supposed to be for single ladies, if you see the way these girls just jumped from both my sides screaming you are my future.. lol I was so pissed and just screamed I will just daze you if you don't face forward.. Didn't even know people heard, but everyone around me just burst out in laughter. Wasn't funny then but...
Bros ya harsh oh... Lol
DeleteLmaol. Oh my God, fantastically funny.
Delete😂😂 lmaooo you are mean
DeleteMoron.
DeleteToo funny that I forgot to laugh 😳
DeleteWe were having a mixed service once, so youths, teens and adults sat together in the big church. I was seated beside some young black not so fine Teenage girls, yes I was being judgemental.
ReplyDeleteso the pastor asked everyone to turn to his/her neighbor and say in faith you are my future partner, it was supposed to be for single ladies, if you see the way these girls just jumped from both my sides screaming you are my future.. lol I was so pissed and just screamed I will just daze you if you don't face forward.. Didn't even know people heard, but everyone around me just burst out in laughter. Wasn't funny then but...
Yimu
DeleteHuh??
DeleteWas in school then, back in the day at unilag. Attended Chapel of Christ. Went to church rocking this beautiful blue jean skirt and forming all tush. When time came for Holy communion, I stood up 'cat walking' n feeling myself. Got to the front of the church when i saw a woman running towards me for front of church o saying i had a slit skirt. Checked n discovered skirt don tear reach yansh coz say e too tight. OMG! I was standing in d front very close to d pulpit! As d shame don catch me already na, i turn skirt collect d communion finish go siddon. Buh ran away b4 church end. Didn't go d nxt sunday. Shame no gree me.
ReplyDeleteMissed my step and fell but got up immediately
ReplyDeleteI had a somewhat embarrassing moment today, I bought a very fine 'designer' pumps sometime March and haven't worn it out. I didn't notice anything unusual about it and have been dreaming of the shakara I'll do that day.
ReplyDeleteToday I decided to wear it, after dressing up i knack the shoe oh and discovered it was a little bit loose, something that was very tight on me the day I was sizing it at the store. I still wore it oh, I was running late. I just tucked in a little tissue paper in it and felt I'll be fine. I managed to enter the church safely. After spending an hr or so in the presense of God. I became pressed and went out to ease myself forgetting I had shoe issues. Y'all need to see my movement..... Out and back into the church seems to be the longest time of my life. My legs were wobbling, my feet were coming out of the shoe, carry my leg up was my greatest challenge and all eyes were on me. I felt like just lying down there. if u have ever been in this situation you will understand better. I managed to get to my sit shaa. The only thing paining me now is the amount I used in getting that pumps. Jobless Someborri like me oh. I feel like crying.... so now I won't even enjoy my money. it's a pity!
HahahahahahaHahahaha I can relate
DeleteLMAO! In this kind of situation,it is best not to stand up from your chair,and if you must...Go from there. LOL
DeleteReason why i always have a flat slippers in my bag.
DeleteHave at least 2 pairs of shoes in your car. For the rainy day
DeleteI always have a pair of slippers in my bag, always always!
DeleteI remember when i was younger and attended a vigil with my sister and friends, after the day's rough play, i was so tired and dozed off almost immediately after praise worship.
ReplyDeleteAfter the service,my sis n friends told me the drama i performed.
According to them, i was sleep walking. I picked up my chair from where it was to the front of the pulpit while sermon was going on,an usher aproached me and told me to return the chair,i think he thought i was crazy or something, na so i begin dey drag chair with usher and i suppose all eyes were on us already, i think they successfully bundled me out of the church where i quietly continued my sleep. I didn't even know what happened till after the service on our way home. I was the one who invited my friends to church,na me still go dey fight kung fu with usher,they sooooooooo laughed at me,i couldn't even say anything cos i didn't even know i did anything,i just know i slept, twas so embarrassing. That's the last time i invited anyone to a vigil
You were dragging chair and still sleeping?
DeleteA family frnd invited us for thanksgiving/dedication and I wore a silver sandals(highheel) that I avn't used dis year, throughtout d mass I was fine lo and behold when it was time 2 dance 2 d alter as we were moving 2 que up I noticed dat my right sandals was becoming lose b4 I cld say jack...everytthing is out damn I had 2 divert 2 d next available chair didn't move/stand till d mass was over
ReplyDeleteWhen some people come out to testify and they go on and on and on and on even explaining their dreams in details,some with "malaria" English...I wonder why some people will not just testify in their mother tongue or pidgin.I feel embarrassed for some of them
ReplyDeleteMtchewww
DeleteI left Lag to school almost four months preggy.
ReplyDeleteCame back at eight months preggy.
My hubby and his best man came to pick me at the air port. These men drove pass me without recognizing mua, my rounded face and body.
I vex eee
I was heembarassed.
So he never came to visit? You dint send pics? Lol
DeleteLol. Sorry dear.
DeleteYour husband didn't see his pregnant wife for 4months?
DeleteJudginas!! See as una wan table her husband matter make her quarrel for house!!
DeleteAhn ahn!! Take the story and leave the one u don't know. Na wa oh!
Chikito,I see you sis...... It's only on FIN we use judginas.
DeleteThis happened some years back(I think primary school),my siblings n i went to church with our mum and you dare not go home without going to the alter to pray after mass,my mum will shout your head off that day so acting the good children,we went to the alter with her.I don't know the spirit that entered my sister n i that sunday morning n we slept off @ the alter,my mum n others left including other people that came to pray remaining both of us. The procession for the second mass had started n we were still there,the priest almost at the alter when a church warden came to tap us n noticed we were sleeping. As we turned the whole church was starring @ us,i almost fainted. How i left the church that day was a mistery to me cos shame finish me.since then,i dare not knee @ the alter to pray . Happy sunday people
ReplyDeleteLol I can imagine. Those days, that I use to follow my late dad to catholic church 6am mass, once it's time for that prayer before holy communion, I'm always happy because that's sleeping time for me.
DeleteFrom my former church we went for vigil. I did not know when I slept off, d woman working in the spirit just came and twist my ears very hard. Kai it was really painful. I say no more going to that branch for vigil
ReplyDeleteI was probably in Jss2 or so then when I was embarrassed heavily in the church that I attended with my aunt then. I was sitting at the back very far away from the alter, when the preacher started shouting and pointing towards me, while I turned backing thinking that it was someone behind me. He then said" that girl close your legs or you leave that place, who sent you? I know that you are from the kingdom of darkness so you are here to seduce me, look at me I am talking to you". All eyes in the church that day was on me... Shior! How old was I then? Probably 12/13, and he was talking about seduction.
ReplyDeleteHahahhaahhahHhahahahahahhaha
DeleteI can totally relate. One heavy-set Sister was on my case back den in Mountain of Fire,Enugu Branch.
D woman show me pepper.she must scrutinize my dressing,"hey I told u no earring in this church,it's like they sent u. Lol
All my explanations that I was just visiting and not a full member fell on deaf ears.
One time she caught me laughing in church and all hell let loose. Won't forget dat day in a hurry. Na so this woman match me to the Altar saying I was possessed. Calling me Jezebel dat came to try God in His Abode. 😂😂😂😂Funny now. But It wasn't then. Na so I stand for Altar while people prayed and cast out d demon.u should have seen d way dey made way for me sef as I was bn taken to the Altar. I just stood at the Altar with this terrible headache. The shouting was just too much(I hate noise)and yea,I was soo embarrassed. Next thing na tears! Big mistake. Prayers intensified. For their minds d Devil was crying out HahahahhahahHa
Meanwhile wot I was thinking was the kind of intensive prayers my Uncle who is a staunch member of the church m would make me do.
My uncle is one of those very "prayerful prayer warriors" LOL
Every morning by 5 we are up for Prayers till 7. Binding and casting. Bn Catholic I wasn't used to that kind of shouting and all. I was raised to think God works in quiet places.
Na so dem go shout eh I wil just confuse but I wil maintain. My uncle can wake the whole house hold at 2 am for intensive prayers. Reason: he saw a cat in his dream! So we need to sanitize ourselves and d house against evil forces. Kai!
I just couldn't wait for my stay to be over and somehow he suspected it too but he too wanted to change me prayerfully.
And as I stood on that Altar it was the thought of this my uncle and the kind of prayers he would subject me to that made my tears flow HahahahhahahHa
This was more than 10 years ago but anytime I see or hear MFM I remember this incident and that huge sister.
Oh my God, can't stop laughing *bighug*
DeleteHahahahahahaha@Who sent you.
Delete*Delilah
Delete@ TGW... Lol I no fit shout sef. Lol
DeleteMy aunt recently joined MFM... Ofcourse prayer point for house don change oh! Me sef tire oh.
Hahahahaha my stomach oh. Chei
DeleteMine happened today. I had on a black hair fascinator which just wouldn't stay put on my head. I arrived early as usual and went as sat in my usual seat feeling so fly. Lol
ReplyDeleteAnd so just before Mass started,D lady behind me tapped me and handed me a fascinator. I looked at the stuff thinking this looked exactly like mine but also wondering why d lady was giving it to me. hahahahhhahaha
That was when common sense returned to me and I stylishly touched my head and felt it "empty" LMAO
Both of us laughed and I put the fascinator back on.
Next thing,a passing catechist handed me something and I looked and it was dis my fascinator Again.
I was somehow emBarrassed dis time so I just put it back on and held it down with a finger LMAO
I waited for it to fly off and wondered how it flew off my hair without me knowing but I realised that particular fascinator is very light and just having recently retouched my hair,it didn't have much weight to "lie" on and den d giant fan didn't help matters.
So I had a hand up supporting the fascinator the entire Mass. Lol
Name of your new fascinator is flying fascinator
DeleteThank your God that the priest didn't hand it over to you by himself. Lol
DeleteLol
DeleteHahahahaha sorry babe
DeleteMine happened wen I was bout 9 years or so. So it was children day in church and usually children from the Sunday school are called to recite bible verses and sing special numbers. I was busy playing outside the church on a heap of sand that was nearby suddenly my name was called. Chai na so I jump run inside church looking like a ghost without one leg of my shoes. everyone was just laughing at me. Well I collected the mic and told them to stop laughing before I forget my memory verse. They ended up laughing more and eventually stop. It took me bout four minutes to remember my starting verse. So I started you need to see how the whole church was quite. my bible verse was mattew 7:1-29 when i got to the 7th or 8th verse people started suppporting me by spraying me with money omo na there luck catch me. I finished my verse and the whole church stood up for me clapping. That was when the bishop stood up and ask who my father was, lucky enuf for me my dad wasnt in church that day my sister came on behalf of my dad and he prayed for us. Before then pictures were taken OMG you all need to see me . i still laugh wen i go tru my childhood pix. I can neve use that as throw back pix i dey craze.? I still remember the first two verses sef.JUDGE NOT THAT YE MAY NOT BE JUDGED, FOR WITH WHAT JUDGMENT YE JUDGE, YE SHALL BE JUDGE AND WITH THAT MEASURE YE METE IT SHALL BE MEASURED TO YOU AGAIN. I don't forget the rest.
ReplyDeleteI saw a cute guy in church today. This is actually the second time I'm seeing him. He looks calm, very handsome and all.Can't get him out of my mind.
ReplyDeleteNa chronicles u go send soon nor worry, idiat,,go church go worship God u day look who fine and who worwor
Delete@ anon... You just spoke my mind oh. Lol
DeleteBwahahahahahahahha Omo you harsh. Allow am to admire from afar Na.
DeleteThis one happened today in church ooom..6:am service was about to start, as a choir member, all robed and waiting for d processional hymn to commence, my Rev. Called me and said, you'l read the new testament reading for today, ahn! Just like that? if you'r an anglican, u'l understand. I agreed ooo! Time came for that I walked to the pulpit all shakara and catwalking, started reading in a tushed oral after all the shakara reading I was supposed to say 'this is the woord of the lord' only for me to say glory to God...Geez all eyes poured on me as they were waitin to say 'thnx be to God'...I turned and saw the way the Rev. Was staring @ me like, come this girl are u dumb! Was so embarrased cheiiii
ReplyDeleteI saw a cute guy in church today. This is actually the second time I'm seeing him. He looks calm, very handsome and all.Can't get him out of my mind.
ReplyDeleteMine happened on Easter Sunday while I was cat walking down d staircase after church service, d next tin I saw my self on d floor. I immediately picked myself up nd ran out of church
ReplyDeleteWe held a program back then in church when I was about 6/7. And the Pastor said we children must all receive the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues. He had barely started the prayers for when children began to fall down and mutter words. Abeg who wan carry last?I fell too ooh,and started saying stuffs I didn't know. Funny part is a man of God was going round and checking/listening. Na so the man just jack me up,gimme dirty slap ooh,say I dey fake am. Choi!Very embarrassing!!!Trust children to make it a topic after then.
ReplyDeleteThis happened while I was in school. I used to attend a church back then that was made up of mostly students and it was quite small so almost everyone knew each other. Now I used to be close to some junior pastors who were also students and who took it like their life mission to draw me closer to Christ. They invited for a night vigil one Friday night but I didn't want to go. They insisted so I followed but the moment I got to d church, I went str8 bhind the church where I also met some other pple sleeping, grabbed a mat and started my private ministration.later an usher came to wake us up that the head pastor was about to preach. I entered, took a sit and tried to listen but for where, my eyes no gree.so I drag d sit in front and slept on it but there was this usher that kept disturbing. She even gave me TomTom but it did not work and I was already getting pissed off with her so I set a trap. I acted like I was sleeping and as usual she began walking to me, the moment she raised her hand to touch me, the eye I gave her she pursed, so I told her that shud be the last time she interrupt my sleep so she walked away. I was feeling like I had won only for her own God to set trap for me.
ReplyDeleteAs I continued my uninterrupted sleep, another pastor that I was close to and respected took the pulpit and started preaching. for wer I no even know. Now he was preaching and made an illustration using the principle of demand so he called me so I could confirm it since I was studying economics. My pple, na so camera plus congregation turn face me. If unna hear laugh. It was so loud that it woke me up only for me to hear my pastor ask me, "Lizzy ur sleeping?". It was as if ground should just open. SHAME wey catch me. I can only imagine d kind of laf d usher girl wud have but na den d mumu sleep disappear
Lol
ReplyDelete