Hmmm .....
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
OLDER SIBLING VERSUS YOUNGER SIBLING BROUHAHA
Good day, madam Stella and my fellow Bvn. Please I need your urgent advice on this serious matter. I'll try to make it as brief as possible.
I'm 21 years old and the first born of four children, two boys and two girls. I just graduated from one of the universities in the west. My sister attends a college of education close to my school thereby making us stay together. Recently, I decided to stay with her for some weeks pending when my call up letter will be ready.
Aunty Stella, this babe literally turned me to her maid, the more I try to organize the apartment, the more she keeps scattering. She talks to me anyhow even insults me in the presence of her friends. I won't complain cos I took it as sacrifice and for the sake of my mum.
Recently, she started dating a guy in her school and out of seven days a week, she will stay in his place for six days and they are writing exams. I called them and spoke to them, she started yabbing me that I'm doing adviser.
The main reason why I'm sending this chronicle is yesterday night we had a fight, I slapped her (first time ever) cos she was insulting me in front of her bf, she told me shut up and called me all sort of names. The fight was bad, she bit me and all, she even called me a bastard. She said she has had enough of me, that her friends are talking about me and she is not free when I'm around, she still didn't tell me my offence.
Please what do I do? Is it bad as I came to stay with my sister? I can't tell my parents cos my dad won't understand and my mum would start worrying herself and it'll affect her health. Should I leave her to live her life?
Everyone has given up on her but I still try to show love and tolerate her
I'm not perfect but I do my best to lead by examples for my siblings.
Please advice.
............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
FAMILY BACKGROUND WITHOUT PEDIGREE DOESNT MATTER?
Dear Stella,
Please keep my identity confidential.
I've been dating my BF for 3 years now and he is ready to settle down. I've discussed with my parents but they have rejected his proposal on the ground that he is not from a well-to-do family.
I don't know what to do. I'm 25. He is 27. Stella I never thought about his background as a problem when we started dating. We met in England where we did our masters together, he did his masters on Scholarship. He got a job with an investment bank afterwards where he currently earns about £45,000 a year. Stella with the current exchange rate that's slightly above 20 million Naira yearly.
He supports his parents and his only brother who is into business. He is a hard worker and by God's grace he will be promoted soon. He wants us to get married so I can join him instead of travelling frequently.
Stella I love my BF but now my parents have said that due to his background I can't marry him because his family has no pedigree and they are uneducated. Stella it's true they are, and yes in Africa you marry the family. But my BF has broken out of that, why should that determine our relationship?
I can't tell him this and I don't know what to do, I just can't eat or sleep properly. Are my parents right? Will his background affect our relationship later on? It hasn't affected us so far.
Signed
Confused lady
Poster 1 ---- Eh ya
ReplyDeletePoster 1 Report her to ur parents
DeletePoster 2 put ur parents in prayers to see reasons with you to consider ur bf.
Fix it lord!!
DeleteLeave that apartment/hostel or whatever u call it
DeleteBesides what are u doing in a school environment after school
Go and look for something to do
Before I finished uni then, my c.v was ready and I had a job before nysc
Abeg who service epp for this naija
Leave before your younger ones use u play ten tethe
Poster 2..... Its obvious this guy is responsible but your parents are looking for background
Again who background epp
Its obvious u r from a rich home and your parents want a family from their class
My advice leave this young man alone to find peace somewhere else cos your mama no go let am drink water drop cup to avoid another Tiwa/Tbillz brouhaha
Lol@ fix it Lord.Very few words nowadays. The fear of gbagaun is the beginning of wisdom with @ portable viv
DeletePoster 2, simply get pregnant and watch ur parents fix d wedding date and plan it sef! My friend did it! She then went home crying to her mum that she had made a grave mistake and gotten pregnant and didn't even know about d pregnancy till almost the 4th month....today they are married and we'll. Pls be tactical no one can choose ur partner 4 u o! Dnt listen to ur parents they hv lived their life
DeletePoster 2, ur boo salary is over 20million, and ur parents are talking about backing, I don't get, make dem look front instead of back jare, mtewwwwwww.
DeleteYour parents have a point. I married someone with uneducated parents and omg I regret. They are not only uneducated, but troublesome. They've made my marriage unenjoyable. I would listen to your parents if I were you.
DeletePoster 2,no matter how educated your boy friend is his "uneducated" family may give you a hell of a time and drag him down to their level anytime,the worse thing is a poor man who has struggled to make it thru education with his family still illiterate, that's when you'll see your in laws using the edge of your side stools as opener for coke...nne watch well oooo. .
DeletePoster 2,no matter how educated your boy friend is his "uneducated" family may give you a hell of a time and drag him down to their level anytime,the worse thing is a poor man who has struggled to make it thru education with his family still illiterate, that's when you'll see your in laws using the edge of your side stools as opener for coke...nne watch well oooo. .
DeleteOh my gawwwwd kikikikiki bwuahhhhaaa ahaaahaaa there are characters on this blog,this comment set my off to one kain laughing mode wey I no fit control.
DeletePoster 1,leave her alone.Na ur Toto she carry dey gbensh?
ReplyDeleteI tire oh! Poster 1, respect yourself and leave your younger sister's house and life! It's bad enough that you are in their way, then tou also want to tell her what to do?
DeleteCant u say anyfin without talking about toto? Na wah o.
DeleteYou and gbensh and Toto #smdh
Delete@sandra alex, did I talk about ur own ? Abegi keep quite.
DeleteJames allow me perch here.
DeletePoster one. I hate any form of insults, where direct or indirect, n it has also led to physical violence. Please leave that your sisters place, since she isnt comfortable having you. She feels she is old enough and doesnt need ur inputs, therefore, if u knw u wnt to continue staying there let her be. You cn atleast call ur parents and complain about the way she lives and after that ignore her. If u cont exchanging words with her everyone else will also loose respect for u.
Poster two. There are no two ways about it except u dnt wnt to marry the guy, I advise that u talk, n cry n plead with ur family to give u their blessing or u put ur foot down n insist u will marry him whether or not they are okay wit it.
James.....quiet
DeleteOk waiting to read comments.
ReplyDeleteFirst poster see leave her alone. You remind of my elder sis. Lol. You are always all up in her business. With your story i know you are the good big sis. Holy and all. You think she is bad and corrupt etc. Therefore you are always all up in her shit advising her. She might make nice nails and you will say she looks like a whore. The thing is its her life. Not yours. Hers. My advice... Relax. Gist with her about her bf. About her life. Dont sound judgemental. She is probably in her bfs house to avoid you. Chai you sound so like my elder sis. We had our beef then about all these and most times i will intentionally do somethings to piss her off and she will keep advising and stressing herself. Now she is married she has loosened up. We talk more like friends now. Just free your sister. She is not a bad person as you think. She might even be more relaxed and at peace to read in her bfs house than in her place cos you are always there to judge.
DeletePoster one, that's how most are! Disrespectful, headstrong. Ignore her, she'll grow up. I tell d stubborn ones they'll learn their lesson d hard way if they don't change.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 leave your sis, it's youthful exuberance that's affecting her. Poster 2. Marry your class, because you dunno tomorrow like. You get married to every member of his family once he pays your dowry
DeletePoster 2, ur parents sef. U sure say u no go Carry belle? 😈😆
DeletePoster 2:
ReplyDeleteDo you know Jesus? If yes, then this is the time he will lead you. If not, you can still know him. No matter how "rich" your family is, there is still a family richer than yours and what about they rejecting your brother from marrying their daughter when your family is so eager for that to happen. Fast and pray and reason with your parents. Again try and evaluate the "love" you have for this young man. Supposing he is fired and relocated to Nigeria, will you still marry him? This will help you to know and situate this feeling you call "love" in its proper perspective.
Spot on!!
DeleteWell said!
DeleteAnon your head dey there! Besides dear poster hope they have the perfect rich husband waiting for you oh! Because if you don't eventually get married soon they're still the ones that'll finish you with their mouth
DeleteGreat advice
DeleteBest comment so far.👌
DeleteIst poster, mind your business. She is an adult. You cant do anything to change her. She obviously did not pick any form of home training when it was dished out. She will learn from her mistakes. Pack your bags and go home.
ReplyDeletePoster! U can convince them to see things ur way! Do not disobey them so that ur days will be long on earth.
ReplyDeletePoster one. ..You are jealous of your sister because you don't have a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteJust like you jealous of me right?
DeleteJust like you reached your dead end @ Mo cherie 😈😈😈
DeletePoster 1,
ReplyDeleteWhat's your business with your sister's way of life?...
You sound like a jealous sister!...
She stays in her boyfriends house and so fucking what?...
Don't you have a boyfriend at her age?...abi men no dey ask you out making you to start getting jealous of her...
Biko smell of!...I know your type...
Na jealousy and envy go kill you if you continue poke nosing on your sisters affairs...
Mugu!!...
Poster 2,
Ignore your parents and follow your heart!...
I would have advised you not to marry him if he is not comfortable but from your story,he is okay...
This is your life we are talking about not your parents that have lived theirs...
Get pregnant and they will support the union sharply!...
You are just pathetic
DeleteReally ashamed of u
DeleteAdvice from the pit of Hell!
DeleteAnybody who's sending in chronicles would always think of your advice as a minus one. It doesn't hurt to be humane
DeleteStupid advice as usual
DeleteKrishika leave this place with your advice from hell
DeleteBuhahahahahaha
DeleteKikikiki
DeleteLmao! Your advice's sha 😶
DeletePoster1 leave your sister to make her own mistakes. She will eventually learn from it. Stop interfering in her life and find somewhere else to stay. Don't discuss her with your family.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 if you really love that guy and will not look down on him after marriage then go ahead and marry him.
Waiting for comments to roll in hehe
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePoster 1:
ReplyDeleteYou can't come to equity with soiled hands. Having slapped her, you have broken the golden rule and have got no moral integrity to correct her. If you have maintained the character of love and tolerance, she would get to know the difference and turn around. Swallow your pride and apologize to her and if you can, leave her and pray for her. Explore the power of prayer and fasting.
Romans twelve verse twenty: On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Confirm, nice one
DeletePoster 2,it seems u are planning to disobey ur parents. I guess he don gbensh ur Toto too much sotey d sweetness of his preek want becloud ur senses.
ReplyDeleteIf u want to elope with ur lover, make sure u will not need their support in d future.
Your foolishness is at it's peak!
DeleteBut y r u this stupid??????
DeleteWetin be ur own and toto..is asif Uve Neva had any before.
DeleteNigga your stupidity is epic...common sense is not so common these days..it should be regarded a super power
Delete@savvy hilton, but I told u to suggest a more civilized name for it.
DeleteAs in hehn!epic stupidity
DeleteYou are the most stupid fellow I heard
DeleteYou should be ashamed of this nonsense that you vomit all the time. At your age? Really? You are so unwise, and if you think that you are trying to get attention by showing your stupidity then you are on a very long thing. IMAGINE!!
DeleteWhy you people respond to this person's comments is what I will never understand. Ignore him and he ll go away.
DeletePoster1:ur sis is still a kiddo who doesn't know her right from her left u need to let her be very soon she will realize her mistakes wen she has been taught a lesson.
ReplyDeletePoster2:y do parent tend to dictate for their children for Pete sake we are in d 21 century,will just tell u to follow ur heart and not ur parent wish.
Hmmm@poster 1 u don't allow ur parents dictate 4 u whom 2 spend d rest of ur life wit biko
ReplyDeletePoster 2,want to ask u a question?were your parents from a well to do family b4 they got married?with wat u said he's earning that much how many men in Nigeria earn that in Nigeria and still single so think your parents will not stay with you when u are married u have ur own life.
ReplyDeleteHi Poster 2: I don't think his poor family background has anything to do with anything. You parents are very Wrong to have judged him with that in the first place. Would they rather prefer a guy who is rich (from a family of blood money or arm robbery)?
ReplyDeleteI will advice you to plead with them to understand, involve elderly peeps.
Arm robbery ko...leg robbery ni
DeleteMadam love shower, let her be. She wants to fly abi? Allow her. Soon her eyes will be clear.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: no advise jare
Poster 1,leave her alone to leave her life because she thinks you are controlling her, you can even leave the house and go home.one day she would understand.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,pray
Hmmm poster 2, listen to your parents. Let me share my story with you. My mum, a royal princess born with a silver spoon. Before she was born, she already had inheritance waiting for her. My dad on the other hand is/was the son of a garri seller. But he was in medical school and learned. My grandparents were against it, because they were not from the same background. They got pregnant and married anyway. 4 years down the line, I was born, dad had become a senior registrar, mum said that's when the beating and control started. He stopped her from working, every business she started he took it away from her etc.He'll beat her for putting leftover okro in the fridge, I was only 4 when this happened but I remember its still fresh in my mind.
ReplyDeleteThere's something called new money syndrome, and it's common amongst those they call ojuorolari. I'm not saying your boyfriend will end up like that oh, but watch out for signs. My mum never saw any signs. I believe her, my dad is the greatest pretender ever. Outside people are like ah thank your daddy oh, he's such a nice man but we that we're living with him at home we know what we go through. My brother doesn't talk to him today, even though mum tried so hard after she left, for us to have a good relationship with him.
WORD
DeleteYour case and the poster's case is not the same..read the narrative again..did she describe him as a broke ass?? The problem is that he is from a poor background but not poor himself. Be objective when dishing out advice.dont use your parent's story to judge others.
DeleteShut the fuck up! My mom and dad bla bla bla! The poster own won't be like ur mom and dad! At the end of the day u didn't make any sense ! Rubbish!
DeleteAnon17;25 and pweety G
DeleteIts just a simple analysis from the poster's parents point of view
Obviously he's from a poor background but broke from it hence he has every tendency of new money syndrome.
Next time read well before commenting by the way I'm not the anon
Awwwwwww
DeleteThe new money syndrome is so real!!!
People tend to forget so easily when they rise to the top and remember all the stumbling block they meet on the road and what to pay back. New money syndrome doesn't affect all but almost 75% of them
DeletePoster 2 if it's all about the pedigree talk then in this case I 'll fight for the one I love. Because his parents not him o are not well educated ????. Ridiculousness!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete1st complainant: I can feel wat u r going through,but the truth is dat u need 2 give her some space. U need maturity to handle stuffs like dat & not enforcing discipline & standards into her. 2nd complainant: try to work things around ur parents through any of ur relations,spiritual parents or friends dat dey listens to,seek 4 their advice & let dem see reasons 4 ur choice.
ReplyDelete@ Poster 1 please try and get some sleep i don't get it.@ poster 2 try and convince ur parent to also beliv in d guy as much as u do.There approval is very important.ok bye!
ReplyDeleteI don't get your English as well!!!!
DeletePray for her. N learn to tolerate her more
ReplyDeletePrayer is d key
@Poster 1, I really felt your pain, I'm the first child in my house too and the only girl, I know same sex do behave like that, but I think this thing started from your house, you people don't respect one another and I think your mum is @fault, my mum can't stand any younger child disrespecting the elder ones among us. Above all, please leave her house and distance yourself from her affairs, and I pray you get a better job, she will respect you when you're finacially ok.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, please are your parents former/current governor, senator or any other prominent people in Nigeria? Stand on your ground that that's the person you will marry, with time, they will yield to your request.
*Larry was here*
Stella biko when r u posting Single&mingle for pple living with HIV?Pls do it na.
ReplyDeletePlease, try and reconcile with ur sis,just let her know u love and care for her stop judging her, so she can confide in u.she sees u as an enemy and that's not healthy.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,just keep praying u parents agree, sorry to say but ur parents are snobs.for the fact the guy rose above all odds despite his background says a lot.dey would rather u marry a lazy rich man's son with name and family background. Who that one epp.let God fight this battle for u.and don't fight ur parents over him cause they would continue to resent him
Poster 1...you are the oldest and 21, meaning that your sister is less than 21. You did the right thing by advising her and irrespective of what people say, continue to advise her because posterity will judge one day. On the other hand however, I suspect you did not tell us much about your own contribution to the fracas that happened between u guys. You and your sis fought in the presence of her boyfriend, even if she has a problem, it means you also have a bigger attitude problem. What caused the fight, why couldn't you control yourself. I think you need to also work on yourself as well. Tell your parents if you please.
ReplyDeleteP2.... If they persist on not seeing things your way, please follow your heart and marry your boo. i really can't advise u on whether or not to tell him. Because what usually happens in cases like this is that the guy will find it difficult to ever spend a dime on your parents. When he makes it in future, he will rub it in their faces big time. Be guided.
N1, just leave ur sister alone for now. She is passing through youth exuberance, it will pass, but just pray for her, God is still changing life. N2, follow ur heart n make sure it's worth it. To avoid another chronicle tomorrow.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: don't be ridiculous. Why You living with your sister? Go and live your life. Keep praying for your sibling, keep telling her the truth but please respect yourself and get your own place
ReplyDeletePoster 2 marry him
ReplyDelete1st Poster :When you are at the mercy of another human being,they tend to change.Ill advise you to go home,it'll blow over.Please don't tell your parents anything.Let her learn from her mistakes herself.
ReplyDelete2nd Poster :Am sorry to say this but your parents are part of the reason this world is crazy.Look at the mumu reason.Everybody starts from somewhere.If he makes you happy and you are willing to sacrifice somethings for him,go ahead and marry him.My family cannot make decisions for me,I announce it everytime.When i mess up or succeed,it's all on me.i was born alone and I'll die alone.Dont let anything cramp your happiness.
Poster one:
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel,you don't want to watch your sister go astray and all. Do you know what? Let her be. Surprisingly,she will be fine.
Try to be more accepting and less condemning,she will start confiding in you and then you gradually steer her in the right direction.
Poster two:
Your parents are actually right to some extent. An illiterate family definitely might have weird ways of thinking which will adversely trickle down to you,whether you are marrying just their son or marrying all of them.
But trust me,if you handle yourself well in his family,you will earn their respect and some level of privacy from them. These elderly ones don't even need much to please them(sometimes). Let your daddy know you love him and will love to settle down...pray for the spirit of discernment and maturity and you are good to go!
Long epistle is a sign of single hood and depression..write in summary madam
DeletePoster one, apologise for slapping her, meddling in her business and all, ask if you have offended her and apologise, tell her you care about her and all, make sure you make peace with her then move out. Find a friend or what ever to.stay with till you are done and keep praying for her.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 u and ur sister no carry d same destiny. Why are u disturbing her. U ugly wey no man want u. Better move out of her house and go and stay with ur father. Aproko.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 marry d guy and stay in London. If the thing hard, do midnight prayer for your parents they will change.
Poster one, park out of the hostel.Stop disturbing her pls.Allow her to enjoy her life to the fullest.You have talked to her and she refused to listen,then give her space.She will learn from her mistakes. Poster two, i beg you in the name of God,pls leave that guy to find another girl of his level or what ever you called it.Even if you end up marrying this guy out of your parents wish,they may not allow him to rest.They will never be satisfied with what ever he does as their mind is already spoilt abt him.Tell him now so that will know how to plan his life.
ReplyDeletePoster one:
ReplyDeleteSince you know your dad won't understand, and your mum will be beside herself with worry, look for somewhere else to stay or go back home pending your call up.
This is a case of 'see finish ' from a particularly difficult sibling.
Inukwa;her friends talk about you.
* smh *
Poster two:
Hmmm!
Hopefully, they'll find you a 'pedigreeous' man that will treat you right.
Even if na Nollywood.
Please, try to make your parents change their minds, especially, if you're very sure he's worth it.
You know how most rich-look-at- others-from-the-end-of-their-noses parents can be. If you don't do as they want,they'll wash their hands off you, and even if he's killing you tomorrow, it'll be none of their business.
So,please make sure he's worth it and again, put it in prayers.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Poster 2 your parents see something in him that you don't. Sorry to say, those guys from poor backgrounds have serious inferiority complex issues. No matter how much he is making he is always going to be envious of you and your family. Then again he seems like the breadwinner of his family, if he is carrying his full family financially it's going to put a strain on his pocket and you Miss silver spoon..stop to think what will happen in the future when he can't give you all you are used to? You may think it does not matter now because you are blinded by puppy love but in 5 years when you can't take all those unnecessary vacations to exotic places, you will remember what your parents said. Takes way more than love to keep a marriage.
ReplyDeleteGod raises the poor and makes him dine with kings,don't underestimate any body cos tomorrow is pregnant.your so called rich parents might be wiped away by death.Vanity upon vanity,all is vanity.just ask for Gods direction and grace
DeleteRufus, I really love your reply.
DeletePoster 1,give ur sister space,she needs it. Poster 2 here's what might happen if you marry him. You'll be frustrated because as a couple you're not growing as fast as you want. Why? He's busy settling his family's financial issues and if you protest you'll be tagged an unreasonable wife by your inlaws,your parents and his will never completely get along because your parents obviously feel they are better and your inlaws will react to that. The list goes on and on. The ultimate decision is yours. Just realize both come with consequences
ReplyDeletePoster 2 if you have a relative or someone who your parent listen to, you can go explain to the person.
ReplyDeletePray while at it...but be very sure your bf won't turn out to be a bad guy.
Poster 2, ur parents love u and that is why they have given u that advice. But don't 4get they have lived their lives. To say they re not. Wducatedan I don't know how that affects u o. It is a marriage not a seminar or international conference. Remember. Been obidient is hard, disobidience is also hard, so therefore, choose your hard wisely. Poster 1, pack ur kaya back to ur house, love is not by force.
ReplyDelete@poster 2.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in ur shoes,I go kukuma marry him o....most women are longing for that
His family is not educated but he is educated and gainfully employed too,and u sound like u two are in love....so go on and do the right thing jare👍
Poster 1: Leave your sister alone.....it's hard seeing her misbehave and feeling helpless about it. Allow make her mistakes, trust me, such siblings turn out alright while they give everyone else hypertension. Do not allow your good intented meddling escalate a sibling rivalry. Give her some distance too and aim to do well in life. You being a topic of discussion amongst friends should inform you to back off.......the line of respect has been blurred already. Pray for her top.
ReplyDeletePoster Two: Your parents have a reason to be worried. That guy you met in England might seem educated and exposed......but does that represent his family members as well?
Poor inlaws are difficult....and if you are coming from a priviledged and moneyed background.......Intimidation seeps in, they want to drag you to their level and prove a point..... That point might hurt your esteem, peace of mind and eventually the love you feel now.
Also, nothing is assured.....Bobo can change tomorrow. I say listen to your parents first, Do not wave off their concerns as superficial. Ask them for deeper reasons, pray for a discerning spirit, watch out for red flags. You will be fine.
Also......DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QED
Deleteword! @Empress Cho. Poster 2, Do a fast and pray seriously for God's guidance and revelation. Follow your head and not your heart. May God direct you.
DeletePoster 1.. Don't stop trying to set your sister on the right path.place inform your parents.they need to know.you can't be both sister and parents to her.let your parents take over.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- pedigree has nothing to do with happiness. Tell your parents that he is your happiness.make them see reason.don't back down because of pedigree.abeg how many people in Naija earn almost 1.5 mill in a month.which pedigree are they talking about? If they refuse get pregnant and let's see what will happen.some parents sef.
Poster 1 please leave your sister alone because you can't stop her or change her way you staying with her is another wahala go back to your parents house. Poster 2 put your parents in prayer.
ReplyDeletePoster 1. You have done your best. Even God does not force obedience. Let her make her choices. She alone will reap the fruits of her actions. Just pray for her.
ReplyDelete2. I hate it when people judge others based on things they have no control of. So because he's from a poor home, then automatically, he'd make a bad husband? What a way to reason. There are bad spouses from poor homes and vice versa. It doesn't follow. They should be more concerned about his character and the quality of relationships in the home he grew up in. Pray to God for wisdom and direction.
Poster 2 please DO NOT marry a man who is in a different social class from you.It hardly ever works out well. He will never fit in with your friends and family and you will never fit in with his. You are marrying his family and not just him. Let us be honest how much is £45,000? This is probably before taxes.It is really not a lot of money. You will want to live in a nice area, take vacations, send your children to private schools and so on. Then he already has the burden of carrying his entire family on his head.
ReplyDeleteHe will begin to feel inferior when you get married, questioning everything and feeling inadequate. When you expect all you are used to and he cannot meet up or doesn't share those same ideas or mindset. His family will see you as an enemy that is taking their cash pot away or reducing their ration. His view of life is totally different from yours. A woman can marry up and be just fine but a woman marrying down is almost always a disaster. Hardly any good can come from having uneducated in laws. Its not just about money. Pedigree is ingrained and a mindset that unfortunately cannot be bought and doesn't come with making money later in life.
P.S I am talking from experience and no its not just an isolated case. Your parents know exactly what they are talking about.
Poster 1 you are. Hard on her bc your parents expect perfection from you as you the first. You now a control and clean freak. Work on yourself and apologize to your sister. That's y she's not free at home. Find your own place. Sisters are never to live together as adults.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 get clarity from God by praying. Your parents are not forthcoming to you
ReplyDeletePoster 2 dearie, be careful o. You hv done your own assessment of d man particularly on his income. I think u are very materialistic sha. If that your bf has no job or earned half of what you hv mentioned, would u marry him? To be truthful, how many nigerian parents that started life in d 70s are educated? Girls from very rich backgrounds are marrying everyday into familes that parents are not educated yet no wahala. Well, your parents should hv introduced u to one of their friends son. You sef are not a strongwilled person ..Just pray abt it and think thoroughly so u won't mount so much pressure on the young man in d future...I pray for God's direction for u.
ReplyDeleteposter 2.
ReplyDeleteyour parents are looking out for the best for you and they may have a reason based on past experiences but calm them down and let them know your man is not based in Nigeria where such discrimination is rampant. UK is a leveller where kings mingle freely with the commons that's why prince william is married to a commoner. no big deal.
Katalist
poster 2, ...." He earns £45,000 yearly and that's a little over 20 million naira with the current exchange rate" I don't know if that's what he's telling you oh. I'm not saying it's a lie but have you deducted taxes? That comes to about £5,000 yearly from that money or more. I am not saying he's doing badly, in fact, from what you've said, he rose above what he was given by his family but don't compare the cost of living in the uk to the cost of living in Nigeria. With 40k pounds, you can live like a king in Nigeria but what about the uk? Btw, I know I totally deviated from the poster's question lol but it irks me when people use 'obodo oyibo' currency to make comparisons in Nigeria when you'll be living there!
ReplyDeletePoster 2. I feel your confusion. How well do you love this guy? You've been dating for 3 years.How well do you know him?? You met in England and would probably continue to live in England. Background does matter but your parents seem to be concerned more with pedigree-not just background. They want you to marry someone from the same class with you- and that's the problem!! Background does matter. But people do rise and cut themselves free from their background to blaze their own trail and their own dreams. This is where your own perception of your bf comes in.Does he come across to you as this kind of person? Have a heart to heart discussion with your own mum and dad. What was your dad like before your mum married him? Were both of them also from the same class, had the same pedigree? Would he have been happy if your mums parents had turned him down?? Sometimes we set standards for our children forgetting that we were in their own shoes years ago. When my son was going to get married 2 years ago, my husband didn't like his gf's background because her parents were divorced. He kicked against it, refused to give his consent,raised a scene stating that she didn't have a good background, the girls mother was a wild party freak who held strings of manfriends etc... Eventually my son let the girl go. Then he found another girl from a "mummy-daddy" family background my husband approved of and he got married to her.Nice girl quite alright- But I know he isn't all that happy. I know he would have been much happier with the other girl. So I understand your confusion. Have a heart to heart discussion with your parents. Don't let them feel you are disregarding their fears. At the same time if you feel strongly that this is where your happiness is, then let them know. It all depends on how deep your love for this boy is. Many waters cannot quench true love. And by the way...Why did they wait watching you date him for 3 years without letting you know their disapproval until when you mentioned marriage??
ReplyDeletePoster two, abeg leave that guy and tell your parents to introduce you to their class and taste of man they think it's ohay for you. Leave the young man and let him find his feet without your family putting him down. Shebi them fit manufacturer man for you ? Nonsense!
ReplyDeletePoster two, abeg leave that guy and tell your parents to introduce you to their class and taste of man they think it's ohay for you. Leave the young man and let him find his feet without your family putting him down. Shebi them fit manufacturer man for you ? Nonsense!
ReplyDeletePoster 2, be calm and watchful. Sometimes elders see beyond their noses n youths re romantically carried away
ReplyDeletePoster 1-you are the first born and you are living with your junior sister? That's where all the respect fizzles out. Then you are trying to control her life whilst living in her house? It don't work that way girl. Her house her rules. Your house, your rules. Please move out and maintain your respect. Before soon, even her boyfriend will start calling you "aunty trouble maker". Please maintain your self respect and move out.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- Will background affect your relationship later on i.e marriage? Definitely yes. It hasn't affected it thus far. That's simply because you aren't married yet. Its something you need to talk over with your bf. From all indications, you are not even together in the same place. You are travelling to see him. There are many things he doesn't know about you yet and vice versa. Coming from his kind of background, he's going to be someone who will manage resources -simply because he was brought up in an atmosphere of lack. He studied on scholarship in England-he's going to know how to live without luxuries. He'll probably not see anything wrong with public schools- saves a lot of money- but you'll probably have posh private schools at the back of your mind. He won't waste money, he's known what it is not to have- whilst you wont see anything wrong in splashing yourself with some expensive little something every now and then. All these may bring on conflicts in your marriage unless you discuss it NOW and you both understand where you both are coming from and how it has affected your perspectives. Then when you get through that,(if you get through that), you'll have to cross the hurdle of convincing your own parents. It could be anyway that even his own parents too are apprehensive of their son marrying from a well-to-do home. They may already be scared of both you and your "high society" family but he also isn't telling you. So you do both need to discuss all this instead of shying away from it. Don't start by telling him about your parents refusal-start by giving hypothetical examples of things that may happen in future when you are married -where would you like to live, where do you see yourself in 10-20 years time, how much financial responsibility will he have towards his parents, what kind of schools would you like for your kids, Would you like to be going on vacations? etc... You two have a lot of realistic down to earth talking to do... Put your marriage talks on hold for now. It may help you to decide finally...
I love this. Very sensible comment.
DeleteJames the fuckboy. You still dey carry this your bad behavior up and down. 29 going on 30 with d brain of a five year old
ReplyDeletePoster 2 please please use your head and put love to the side for now. Sit down and speak to your boyfriend and pick his brains regarding when you are married and like someone above said give examples of where you guys will live, what school your children will go, how will the finances be managed. Sit down and talk to him seriously do not make a decision based only on love I use God beg you because later you will regret it. In marriage there comes a point love is not enough. As for his family I'm not saying he should help or take care of them but il use my mum as an example she is the only one in the uk and her family of 7 have turned her into central bank she doesn't even help or send me her only child at all since I was below the age of 10 I have been struggling alone till I hit 15 and started working im now 30 and things are Ben worse now we hardly talk. Should I go into spiritually stuff her family does to collect money from her steady or how they hate me and don't want to see me around my mum because they believe I will stop their bank. That's just within family o not husband and wife matter.
ReplyDeleteDo your research very very well about his family, get close to them and get close to him to know his mind and how much he assist his family fanatically to know if you can cope. Trust me money matters a lot especially in the uk where things are not easy. Forget love and use your head please. If you decide to marry him make sure you are a born again Christina because you go pray Taya o no jokes no ajebutter levels.
Do your reserch very very well into his family, their mentality, the way they ask and expect things from him, his finances, does he send money to them monthly or weekly. I'm saying this because when you become his wife it will affect you.
Use your head and DO NOT GET PREGNANT because you will be doing yourself.
Poster 1, I feel ur pulse. I know exactly how u feel cos I've been down that road before. It's not easy at all. I tried my best for my sister but she refused to listen. The painful part is that it eventually led to her death. So, I will encourage u to continue trying and praying for her so that she will realize that she's making a mistake and turn away from that kind of life. Reporting her to ur parents may make her hate u the more cos that was exactly how mine reacted. But pls keep loving her and praying for her and I believe she will change and come to appreciate u before it's too late. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteposter 2 if u are convinced that his is your husband (after praying) and your parents are the only barrier, get pregnant sharp sharp
ReplyDelete#1- Even though she's in school that doesn't give her the right to sleep in her bf's house. Leave all this oyibo way of life, they're killing us. Be patience with her and try coaching her with love, she won't forget it.
ReplyDelete#2- Investigate on his family and pray.
Poster 2 put ur parents in prayers God will help u
ReplyDeletePoster 2 put ur parents in prayers God will help u
ReplyDelete