Hmmmm...does it really matter what Church one marries?
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN RELIGION AFFECTS PLANS TO MARRY.
Stella,
Good day, biko hide my ID abeg
Ok, I met this guy in South Africa sometime in 2014. He asked me out and I accepted but my problem with him is that he has a baby mama which he claimed he wanted to marry but things weren't working out well between them.
His excuse was that they're from different Christian background. He's Anglican while the lady is a Catholic and the lady's people insisted on them getting married in a Catholic Church and while the battle was going on the lady took in and gave birth to a baby boy.
He said his family advised him to do introduction and pay the lady's bride price so he'll be able to lay claims of his baby. Now, we met and he started talking about marriage and I laid my concerns out to him.
1) The three of us are from the same state but different local govt.
2) Myself and the lady are from the same local govt.
3) Myself and the lady are from the same Christian background and my mum keeps singing in my ear that I must get married in a Catholic Church not minding the church I attend now.
After expressing my concerns to him like making him understand that there's really no difference between myself and the lady, he still insisted but I wasn't giving him much attention and somehow we stopped talking.
Fast forward to 2016, he chatted me up 5days ago that he's still interested in me and that he has ended whatever thing he had with the other lady cos I asked him to go and work out things with the lady then. He said it's not working means it's not working that he has tried making it work but it's not working so they agreed to go their separate ways.
Am now confused cos I don't know if I should give him a chance or not. Btw this guy is very caring, loving like he knows how to treat a woman, he's very soft too and there's no boo in my life now. He said he's coming back to Nigeria in September for us to formalize things.
Biko I need your constructive advice on what to do abeg.
Should I or should I not????
Thanks.
*Just find out that he is saying the truth and if you really feel like being with him why not?Congrats my dear....!..however prepare yourself for some drama from the mother of his child if she finds out he is about to marry someone else.
Some of them are always up to no good out of Jealousy.
Meanwhile if you have Chronicles,both good or bad,please send in if you have,the folder is EMPTY!...LOL and shaking by the side.
Sunday Chronicles!
ReplyDeleteBrb.
*****LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*****
Too many drama, leave him alone jor. Boo wil come
DeletePlease don't let desperation and loneliness ruin your life. That guy is bad news,get out there and find your self a good man or you might live all your life being a second best.
DeleteWhen will people learn that denomination no dey carry pesin go heaven?
DeleteChronicles...
ReplyDeleteSpace book'd
Brb
Please what time is singles mingle coming up Stella? I'm waiting my ass out hear on you since morning.
ReplyDeleteThis religion wahala!!
ReplyDeleteAll these gullible girls dat throw caution to d wind at d mention of d word "marriage". He paid her bride price so she's not just his baby mama, she's his wife! duh! And I did not read d part were he divorced her in ur chronicle. Use ur brain puhlease!
DeletePoster, has the guy agreed to wed you in the catholic church?
DeleteIf not I don't think ur mum will agree for u guys to marry except u won't do church wedding, I don't think she(ur mum) will also agree to "no church wedding". Just find a balance.
Has he agreed to wed you in Catholic Church as demands by your mum? If he's ready to wed you there, no problem. Go ahead with the preparation
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
As demanded by your Mum*
DeleteThis religion wahala!
ReplyDeletePoster, have you spoken to your mum about it? As in hinted her
Poster forget that guy. Many men are fully married and they will be telling you baby mama story. In your case he actually admitted to paying bride price. Meaning he is actually married. Remove yourself from that situation and move on. The right man without such entanglements will cone along. Don't allow any man deceieve you. Your case is same as the so called baby mama so y does he still claim to want you? He's a fully married man looking for a woman to play around with
ReplyDeleteTorrh!....I'm also wondering why he cant marry his baby mama in the catholic church but is willing do it for this poster.
DeleteBia poster are you sure its not his baby mama that is actually rejecting his marriage proposal (yes,not all baby mama's are desperate)cos she found out some dirty things about him?
I'm worried for you @ poster,whats the diff btwn you and his baby mama? Same state,local govt and church!
Abeg flee from that player. But e dey pain me,cos @ the end of it,you will still follow her heart and marry him to become 'mrs'.
ShanzEmpire
Yes oh! You have lots of them having babies and paying bride prices and taking off. Use wisdom. investigate him.
DeleteYes oh! You have lots of them having babies and paying bride prices and taking off. Use wisdom. investigate him.
DeletePlease find out if it's true he separated from the woman And y they broke up, If he is then go ahead.
ReplyDeletePoster, the man paid d baby mama s bride price. She is his wife whether he admits it to u or not. Tell him to divorce her properly before you can come on board . Unless you want to be a second wife.
ReplyDeleteJames, well said. In the part of Igboland where I come from, once your bride price's paid, you're married. The bride price says it all, traditional marriage's just a party, meriment, even some men pay bride price during introduction. Many were married like that, and still marrying.
DeletePoster, don't let the man decieve you, unless his wife's bride has been returned back to him, or you want to be a second wife, if not :O::O:O:O:O
I guess his wife is an igbo lady, especially Anambra, that's why he was adviced so, if not the child would have belong to his wife's family.
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DeleteNigerian girls are now so desperate... Why not leave another woman's husband alone.. I'm sure you are igbo...
ReplyDeleteDefinately igbo, they are many on the last single and mingle.
DeleteWhat has being Igbo got to do with anything here?
DeleteHouse my friend says Banky W, will be participting in today's s n m
ReplyDeleteIt is true?
Yes,including your father. 😒
DeleteYeah, he confirmed it to me.
DeleteHe needs too...lol
DeleteKwakwakwakwa
DeleteHe don finish with the girls mailing him on a daily?that na stella s&m he will be waiting for? I laugh in effik!
Let me also ask mine......
Iyanya & Praiz when are you both participating in single mingle? Kimon! Holla @Shan
ShanzEmpire
Why do ladies deceive themselves once the topic is "marriage"? If you are a baby mama, will you fold your hands and wish another lady safe marriage with your baby daddy?
ReplyDeleteAgain, being catholic, is baby mama one of the catholic doctrines; is it one of the station of the cross? Is being a baby daddy one of the Anglican liturgy? Is premarital sex in any of these denominational doctrines? Be very careful young lady because "september" may as well be the formalization of your being baby mama. Because he has mentioned marriage; your legs will be open; won't it?
"He knows how to treat a lady"; isn't his baby mama a lady; was she treated well?
Thank you.
DeleteNicely said God bless you
DeleteWhy don't you look for a drama free guy ? Go and wait for single and mingle okay.
ReplyDeleteBe sure the baby mama will always pop up in your relationship.
Stella Pls will d snm still hold today? I've been refreshing my browser since morning..... snm been saving singles since 1900
ReplyDeleteSho ro niyen???If there's going to be a church wedding,its always in the bride's church.So what r u people contesting here?
ReplyDeleteMy own chronicle be say I slept with 2 blood brothers and now I met them again(dont know if they know though)...they both professing love again.should I keep gbenshing the both of them or I free them(they handsome and got huge dicks and loaded too)???no cussing or dissing cos nobody holy pass!!!
Mumu just choose one and stick wit him,wats wrong with all these dumb girls?
DeleteTrust me. They know. You are the fool here,not them. Keep playing games you hear?? After tearing that thing in between your legs,your heart is next.You are feeling like one hot cake now. You will cry eh!!
DeleteMadam osho free guys gossip more than gals, those brothers are playing games on you. They want to run a train on you while you will be forming that you are running things. If they are serious and it gets to the marriage point truly will u marry any one of them? Peace would be far from you if try to play the game you want to try. Just negudo
DeleteBia this girl! How can you even ask us to help you decide? Would you want to be in their shoes? Free them jor!! Better still, continue with the gbenshing. Is it our tohtoh?
DeleteFor Igbos, it is ideally in the groom's church. This Catholic/Anglican controversy has been on for a long time in igbo land. Catholics always insist that the wedding be done in their church knowing fully well what the culture says. Some men agree tho. I think they shouldn't force people though.
DeleteIgbos don't do like that
DeleteWe wed in the man's church
Poster did the man actually pay the girl's bride price?...if yes, the baby mama is his wife, forget story
To me the church to wed is not even the issue here but the drama you're about to enter is the issue
Use your tongue and count your teeth..the baby mama would be all up in your face if u eventually marry that guy
I Adviced my self when I was in this kinda situation and just left the guy
I no get strength for drama...it's even a baby boy we're talking about here
Na u stupid pass.give advice,u dey yab
DeleteNa u stupid pass.give advice,u dey yab
DeleteIf u guys don't live in SA together, just know he's lying, or find a way to know d truth from d babymama, ofcourse that one wouldn't want u to marry her BD sef. Don't let 'he's caring n soft' push u into what u'll regret.
ReplyDeleteI hate marriage drama.
ReplyDeleteLady please put a pause on it., because history is about to repeat itself. Your mother is insisting on you getting married in Catholic church, same reason his previous relationship didn't work.
Before you finally open your own legs, find out if he's willing to marry you in 'catholic church', because pregnancy doesn't keep a man.
Or is he the only man? You don't want this drama, trust me.
ReplyDelete"He knows how to treat a lady"; was the baby mama treated well? Is that how you want to be treated? Keep deceiving yourself. If that boy is deported from wherever he is and is looking for a Job, will you still be talking about "formalizing things"?
Catholic r so keen on their daughters marrying in their parish. Madam, tell him now so he'll know what's up. Something my folks r against, I try to avoid it or talk to them first before entering it. Be smart. But wait o, u and the baby mama r from the same state and local Govt area? Lol. Drama loading.
ReplyDeleteI'm facing the same thing. I'm catholic and boo is Anglican. My dad is insisting we get married in the catholic church cos he is a knight and boos people have said its not possible. I have said if we cant find common ground after the trad we go for marriage blessing and rest.
DeleteGo for marriage blessing where? Still in a church nau. See, do ur wedding in the catholic church, den rush off to your boos church for another blessing then head to the reception or use a hall and invite both the priest and Rev father(anglican)
DeletePoster be wise, that man is a married man. He did just trad doesn't mean he's not married to her, the bible recognises traditional wedding so stop calling her a baby mama, that's his wife. My advice don't marry him, look front and leave another woman's husband alone. Madam desperado
ReplyDeleteJust be prepared for better drama in your life. To crown it all, you all are from the same place. Good luck oh.
ReplyDeleteAnd me I'm here not even worried about boo who is a Muslim
ReplyDeleteDoes religion, state,or nationality matters in the matters of the heart...I've dated xtians and they are no way comparable to my Muslim boo
If u love him...go on 😘
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI'm in the same Shoes Ibk, how did ur parents take it? Mine dnt even want to hear about it, they r praying for his conversion....he's not Even a fanatic! *deepsigh
Delete@ Anonymous 17:12 would u believe if I tell u I'm a celestial? A proud one at that and my boo is a very religious Muslim....he even built a mosque in his house...my dad cane from a Muslim background but mum changed him to xtian...but I can tell u with so much pride, my family is the best ...my parents will just say so far he makes u happy,go ahead and we have been dating for four years now...funny thing is he always gets angry whenever I don't go to church
DeleteDon't worry I know ur parents are good people too,they don't want u to derail...so babe they will calm down soon when they see u are adamant about the guy
Ask them that what if u marry a xtian and he starts hitting u?
Talk to them
Fast and pray ( that thing has been saving me since)
Talk to God
Tell Him to lead u right
Ur parents will come around
Ano 19:46, wait till u get married first. Get ready to convert. All you r saying r just stories. Marriage is different 4rm courtship. I wish u the best
Delete@Jasmine I'm not annon and even if I get married and I convert...is it not my convert? How has religion helped marriages in lasting long
DeleteIf I wish to get married to a Muslim it is my choice of happiness
I know marriage is different from courtship but don't worry ...that is why God is there to take control ...
He is gonna be the first person I invite into the marriage
But anyways tnx
I won believe say u get my interest at heart😘
Cele people are juju people, of course a muslim is better than u
DeleteIbukunoluwa, Cele/White garment people and Muslims are the same nau. Is it not one of u who sang 'kewu ni nwo fi wole, ile ologo, ile alayo, kewu ni nwo fi wole'. White garment people believe in 'ajo' so also Muslims. Muslims find it more comfortable to attend white garment churches and vice versa. So u guys are the same abeg.
DeleteBTW, if what Jasmine said does not make sense to you, then u ain't a true believer. 'BE YE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS' is what the Bible teaches.
I wish you well though!!!
Poster pls look well bfor u leap o, this guy seem like he likes drama if u cope then no p bt i smell a rat since u r in the same boat wit his baby's mama why then does he insist he wnts u. Think abt it.
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is not working between him and the lady? So he plans to leave someone he impregnated in the heat of things and whose bride price he has paid because of the building where the wedding would happen. What happened to an interim court wedding and trying to work the wedding modalities out? What happened to him wedding in the girl's church just to hinour her and her family? Where is the sacrifice in love? Honestly, i dont support your dating him except theres a part of the story I missed or do not understand. Don't fuel his selfishness.
ReplyDeleteBaby mama drama ...
ReplyDelete2014 till now and u just want to formalize things in a hurry, lady chill small and date the guy afresh while understudying him. Change is a constant thing so he might have upgraded or degraded, take it easy with the desperation aiit.
ReplyDeleteFind out what he has become now, new atttibutes and characters. Verify his truelifes gist before you tie yourself to a trap. Chatted you up and u want to jump and marry him. Where he is, the ladies there are lame, blind and dumb or what? Slow down madam
As stella rightly said prepare yourself for drama
ReplyDeleteGive him a chance
ReplyDeleteI believe you should take things easy... reason being that if he could get the first lady pregnant while trying to sort themselves out, a similar thing could happen to you...people change within days or weeks..and this is someone you lost contact with for months....I'll advice you take your time to know him all over again.
ReplyDeleteCheers
Foolish woman, you have heard his tales and its the same thing you are bringing to the table yet you wont recieve sense. Change everything about you becos u want to marry, tommorrow whe. He starts asking for other things to be changed about you, you will complain When you showed him from the start you are willing to cross the ocean just to wed him. He will constantly rub it in your face and make you do things you never thought possible. Ride on with the desperation.
ReplyDeleteIs his name Ceaser?
ReplyDeleteYou don't have a boo for now and you are asking us if you should go further, my friend grab the opportunity. When it comes to crossing the bridge of having serious drama with the baby mama you will cross it. Who knows it will work out for you ijn
ReplyDeleteAre my the only one that noticed that comments have really reduced unlike before. Chai economy is very harsh. Pele everybody
ReplyDeleteE ku economy o... Lol
DeleteNo be only u o😂
DeleteLolz. Kikikiki
Delete***AM I***
Deletenot "are my"......
Thank me later
To most parents, especially in this part, denomination matters o.
ReplyDeleteIt's worse among catholic parents. You'll see a parent threatening to disown their child, for wanting to get married to a non- catholic.
All those knight ish.
In my opinion, as long as the both of them serve the same God, I don't see the big problem there, especially, if the said person has all the qualities you're looking for.
I guess it's because I was brought up by parents from different denominations.
And understanding between both partners matter too. I've seen cases where this denomination thing broke homes.
This your story get as e be sha. Did he later pay the bride price?
If he did, then he's sort of married na,till he returns it, abi?
Is he worth the whole stress? Parents disapproval, baby mama issues et al?
This one you're saying that your confused, be sure of what you're doing o, to avoid sending in another chronicle.
Or, simply pray for a nice catholic man to come your way. * shrugs *
#WhiteDiamondOut
Choi choi....
DeleteSexiest, this one you are 'choing' and laughing inside this post, e be like say this economic meltdown never reach your area?
DeleteLol!
#WhiteDiamondOut
Wetin man go do naw. Jehova bu eze.
DeleteKikiki
Run as fast as your leg can carry you abeg. Baby Daddy drama. I can't date or marry one abeg.That's their logo "it's not working".If you love your peace of mind and that fragile heart of yours forget him abeg.
ReplyDeletePoster please is his name Bash?.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLol stella shake not o,by tomorrow ur chronicle pot go full. Lemme read comments on dis one.
ReplyDeleteHe's gbenshing your toto and that's why you're asking this stupid question. Is he the only man on earth? Why walk into something will likely be a problem.
ReplyDeleteThis is jst some Matured chronicle..Stella gave u a gud advice poster.
ReplyDeleteNow that pot of chronicle is empty, story writers will construct imaginary things for us to break our heads on all in the name of advice.
Poster, do your own investigation ooooh. I don't think any family will want their daughter to become a baby mama. Just bcos where the wedding will take place. Your may not be totally honest with you. And marriage by the common law ie paying of bride price, is recognized in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need anybody to tell you these are my Igbo people. Unnecessarily segregative. They have kept folks like us single just because we must do it their own way. Na wa for my people. Can't advise you sis, even as a guy, I'm in same shit as you.
ReplyDeleteStop lying ...you don't have a girlfriend talkless of being in a shit..Mr blunt
DeleteCherrie, why do you think he's lying? Are Igbos not known for segregation? Are you uncomfortable with the truth? They discriminate against everything and everyone. If it's not religion,it's tribe. If it's not denomination,it's osu wahala. If it's not ethnic discrimination even against fellow Igbos,it's something else. Always biased against others.
DeleteY do pple always ask questions dey already knw d answer to
ReplyDeleteLeave thee guy alone,alot of drama will follow.....your own husband will locate you soon.
ReplyDeleteHmmm Church thingz and marriage.
ReplyDeleteMerry go round this is...
ReplyDeleteHe's having an inconclusive baby mama.Now it's same scenerio,same script with you.
And yes you should if you want to come and go and join the Ministry of Baby mamas.
Goodluck.
Poster, I hope this man is not deceiving you. I hope what happened to the first girl will not happen to you. I hope he will not leave u also after gbenshing ur wet Toto skin to skin and getting u pregnant.
ReplyDeletelady pls take your time and don't be in a hurry to marry a baby daddy.
ReplyDeletePoster, don´t let the man decieve you. He´s married. I´m married like that too, meaning only my bride price was paid, because there was no time left for us, my visa was out, so i got to travell.Assuming he did´t pay my bride price, all my kids would´ve been using my father´s name and aswell will belong to my people.
ReplyDeleteToday, we have 3 kids. I´m his wife, he´s my husband, even when I complain sometimes that he´s not my husband, he says to me,"I paid your bride price, so what remains if not just the party which we´ll perform whenever we travel down home". I´m his next of kin. We´ve a joint account here.He´s about 5 permanent deposite account, 3 for the kids.
My brother married his wife like that, though they´ve done everything both traditionally and legally now.Even before then, her kids answer my father´s surname, and the woman of course.
What i am trying to say, if the man is an igbo man, i´m afraid he´s married. Unless you want to be a second wife.It´s an igbo tradition.Ask anybody arround you
Gbam
DeletePoster, don´t let the man decieve you. He´s married. I´m married like that too, meaning only my bride price was paid, because there was no time left for us, my visa was out, so i got to travell.Assuming he did´t pay my bride price, all my kids would´ve been using my father´s name and aswell will belong to my people.
ReplyDeleteToday, we have 3 kids. I´m his wife, he´s my husband, even when I complain sometimes that he´s not my husband, he says to me,"I paid your bride price, so what remains if not just the party which we´ll perform whenever we travel down home". I´m his next of kin. We´ve a joint account here.He´s about 5 permanent deposite account, 3 for the kids.
My brother married his wife like that, though they´ve done everything both traditionally and legally now.Even before then, her kids answer my father´s surname, and the woman of course.
What i am trying to say, if the man is an igbo man, i´m afraid he´s married. Unless you want to be a second wife.It´s an igbo tradition.Ask anybody arround you
What I'm trying to say is this,
DeleteThe normal thing is a lady should be wedded in her church or family church. This shouldn't even cause an argument. If a guy love his girl he will wed her in her church. Simple
ReplyDeleteAm I missing something here or what..... The man didn't marry the former lady because her parents insisted she marry in a Catholic Church.
ReplyDeleteNow the same thing is playing out to you and you still wanna jump into it?? A man disappeared for some time and chatted you up few days ago and now ure thinking of spending your whole life with him. I see more chronicles coming from you Madame... Look VERY well before you leap.
Just take things easy.this is no small issue my love.catholics find it difficult to wed in another church.dont quarrel with mumci o,instead try and see if you can pet her because if she is on your side hmmmmm the rest na jara...wish you all the best.
ReplyDeletePray about it ,make a thorough research abt the baby mama and my dear ,follow ur heart ...dt deep tiny voice when no one is there with you.
ReplyDeleteWow
ReplyDeleteAlways find out why another woman couldnt stay with the man claiming to be an angel....very key
ReplyDeleteNa wa oo Stella u never post my chronicles for 2 weeks now
ReplyDeleteNa wa oo Stella where is my chronicles i sent over 2 weeks ago
ReplyDeleteMy advice to you is to look elsewhere, since he has a ladywith his child, he probably is just flaunting the word marriage. Ladies have to be very careful these days with the way men lie about their statuses and would even go as far as swearing, this is an evident case of a friend who met a guy he will always tell the lady he has 2 kids in the uk but he is not married to their mother and infact the lady has moved on into another relationship he would go as far as swearing on his own lies and it's a pattern with him. Very toxic men out there So my dear, pls stay off and God will provide you with your own husband.
ReplyDeleteSISTER OYO IS YOUR NAME.
ReplyDelete