READ SATURDAY IN HOUSE GISTS HERE
-Sisi Eko complained of someone stealing her gist from two ears or so ago that she posted as anon in the hilarious post....That gist is disqualified.
- Some of you complained on why i should make Iphie Dearie and The Generals wife as Judges for the post.Well i was trying to be innovative cos i was kinda tired of the other format.That said,both ignored me and did not comment in the post.If they have a winner,they can post it in here,if not,lets move on.
I am sorry if you feel i meant your vote did not count,i meant otherwise but stated that their word was final..my bad!
- That said,irrespective of what anyone says,as long as is possible,the In house gists on the Weekend will continue,please if you do not like it,dont open the post to complain.
-If you have a funny gist,whether its true or not,please post it here but state your source if it is culled,surely that cannot be so hard right?
Thanks...Let's go!
*I am off to eat chinese food but i have scheduled some posts and will be enabling comments..if there is breaking news call me..lol
End time memo
ReplyDeleteAh I didn't even have a problem with Shakiti baby for reposting the gist sef, cos one aggrieved 'anonymous' came for my head for claiming my story o..lol. I no send tho.
DeleteI just wanted to state it was mine. As I was shocked to see it yesterday. Yea, maybe she should have made her source known. Otherwise, no yawa.. lol
Ok let me try my luck here.. this happened to me last year precisely during nysc orientation in akwaibom.. due to the bad condition of toilets in camp, I decided to store my poo for as long as possible till I find time to go do Bush business.. (make i turn to pigin abeg).. on this fateful day, naim I enter Maami go chop food o, not knowing dat d disgrace I go chop later was just doing press up.. na so we begin saed lecture nd d whole place was just stuffy and smelly.. next thing, I just begin dey feel my tummy dey rumble, for my mind I don ready to hold d thing.. as I begin sweat, my friends don dey notice me, me sef dey try form big girl, d next thing wey I notice be say hot loud mess just fall comot for my yansh(gotta be d most embarrassing day of my life).. my friends couldn't even hide my shame, na so dem begin cover nose.. I just jejely excused myself nd ran fast to d hostel.. like say my disgrace never end, naim I meet soldiers for front of hostel asking what I wanted.. I almost burst out crying while trying to explain dat my tummy was on fire.. na so d wicked soldiers tell me say make i do March past for dem first.. na so so curse I just dey curse dem as I take shame do d March past, as i reach dem, i forget to salute, na so dem tell me say make i do am again (by dis time, i was practically dying alrdy).. pple don begin laff me by now.. as dem release me like dis, I take big girl waka pass dem, d tin just hook me again, na so I tear race enter toilet o, didn't even think twice before I bend down pour out everything wey dey inside me..thank God for God dat day sha, I for shit for body.. I hope u guys laughed while reading sha
ReplyDeleteHahhahaha.
DeleteSo we were in the same camp
DeleteMama Ngozika chukwuka's children
That kind shit don hook me in public many times. I reject it henceforth. How can a tush chic like me purge?
Delete*lights weed*
I don't think mine is funny sha but just to make someone laugh a bit,it happen a certain time ago,if I met a guy,he invited me for a birthday party ,shame did not allow me to tell the guy to explain the address very well,I open teeth was happy am going for a birthday party where I will see rich dude,though was broke den,myself and gf enter bus lap yourself,happy am going for a birthday party ,bvs you will not believe,this party was suppose to start by 4,bvs 6 pm was still looking for the address like a mad girl,that I will have past a street more than 5 times even my gf said we should go home,for were I refuse ,this was not a joke that I finally saw a party we entered and was happy ,only for us to stay dere for 30min and realised that was not d birthday party ,this time eeh it was 8:30pm already ,I did not want to believe I did not go for the birthday ,thinking maybe d guy we give me transport when going back,we had to trek home and got home by 11 pm from dere I vow not to go to a birthday I was not invited properly lolz
ReplyDeleteMtcheew...
DeleteOyibo nchikota.
Cut and join.
You DAT don't have cut and join why not bring urs out ,so we can hear also with your bad mouth,are you looking for attention,or that's your attitude,cause dnt just annoy me this evening
DeleteJesu
Delete*weed*
Lmao
ReplyDeleteI don't know the in house gist is like dis but let me try share one of my child hood experience why growing up when everyone is at the sitting room watching tele, and am being woken up to get inside to go sleep I always end up picking unimaginable things frm the flood, and I neva get to catch what am trying to pick, I don't know if any1 experience dis, like ur head is turn upside down lol. Until after sometime u will now realise urself like ur brain is now back hahah and qucickly park all of ur belongings inside. Still another one from my childhood days concerning my sleeping habit then, if am not picking the flood looking for an unimaginable thing I will just work staright to the main door that is already lock and try opening it lol, on these very day nobody stopped me, I was told I walk straight to the door as usual to open it like a crazy person about to escape then I got to the stair which was very dark neva a bulb there because it's a rented house then I realises it was dark and hurriedly ran inside the house back, you know children of those days now, we use to free darkness, frm that day I start realising myself each time am been woken up to know the road to my bed.
ReplyDeleteChineke nna! Must you blind us with your story? *faints
DeleteYou need deliverance but first return ur school fees to ur parents.They wasted their money.
DeleteKini?
DeleteWhite berry!!! What happened to you?
DeleteWhat are you saying?
DeleteJust stop and take a deep breath pls.
Aarrgh!!
DeleteWHERE IS BBC?!!!
Anno 15: what is she saying how? She is helping the gist ministry since you all ve refuse post ur gist.
DeleteWHITE BERRY!!!! you okay??? You dey crase right???
DeleteWhite Berry is obviously still sleeping and picking something from the 'flood'. I believe she imagines she is in Noah's boat.
DeleteOh dear! Had to read yesterday's In House Gist now. I missed a lot yesterday kai. And so Stella CHOSE 2 bvs to have d final say? Nwunye Korkus I na-amu amu?( are you a learner?) On this blog? Hmmmm. Ekene kweem gi. Run background checks next time before final CHOOSING, inugo?
ReplyDeleteThen leading the protests were Sassy Fire and Shantelle. Hahaha. Crazy gehs. Make una cool down o.
Then Shakiti Baby had the GUTS to steal Sisi Eko's 2013 gist. Shiooor. Shakiti you wan go jail? Sisi Eko na lawyer na, abi?
If the story wins d 5k would go to Sisi Eko(fanning Sisi, cool down o) and then let her dash it out as she pleases. But the story from Bv Realest comes close too. So anyone can win sha.
Finally Stella Kork ... Also add Magician Extraordinarie to your caps o, the speed at which my comments are beginning to appear and disappear on this blog is worrisome. Abi make I begin type in anonymous mode? Nekwanu mu anya bikonu. You want me to give you the bill for posting one comment on your page? Weather cost? Fuel in generator cost? Do you know what it means for bvs to plug phone into wall unit to be typing? I type finish you put for your pot, in this current Lagos situation? I no dey vex o, e just dey pain me. I dey count am o.
Lemme laugh at the way paragraph
Delete😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😊😊☺☺😃😃😃😃😃😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😳😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😞😞😞😞😒😓🙌🙈👧👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺
*1st paragraph*
DeleteBusybody autocorrect
Quiksilver...hahaha. I counted 92 heads, which Bv heads are those, I believe it represents. This blog eeh, Stella wan kii me with Choosing.
DeleteAhah biko dem fit give her if she wins o. I no follow drag anything. I would be glad sef. And this is me being real. Lol
Deletelet me just talk my own little joke sha. it happened in a psychiatric hospital.a mad man named james saved anoder mad man named paul from drowning.the doctors were so impressed de called james people that if james was sane enough to save a life den he was cured.they could take him home.they went to call paul and found him hanging from the ceiling.he had apparently committed suicide.everyone was sad and when the told james what happened he said "no oo,paul didnt commit suicide,after saving him from drowning he was wet so i hung him in the ceiling to dry"
ReplyDeleteStill untop shit matter, okay lemme drop mine, happened to me, back then in jnr secondary school, used to walk to school with my friend and a neighbour who happened to be my crush, so on this day, went to school and everything was goin smoothly, then last period one kind devilish shit just attacked me, damn since it was last period, thought i could hold it till i get back home...school closed and was goin home with my friends nw, {switchin to pidgin jare} my friends dey gist, dey laff me wey sabi talk i jst keep quiet like..evn my crush wey i dey like flirt with sef i no evn near am....omo naso e reach one level i no fit hold am again o, naso i begin run...damn come see as my friends dey run follow me o, dem tink say sumtin dey chase me, cos d road dey kinda lonely, omo i no send , naso i run enta d nearest bush o, b4 i could pull sef i jst shit pour my entire clothe, i no still send, i shit finish...na that time i remember my life..my friends wey don already knw wetn dey happen jst dey laff me o, to cut this already lng stuff short, had to walk home in my friends boxer! cuz mine was soiled...without any trouser!!! in front of my crush!!!, smelling shitty!!!! Damnn , like u might av rightly guessed, i never got the girl
ReplyDeleteDelegating a BV(s) to choose a winner is ok but did you communicate them before hand? maybe the reason they ignored you. Or maybe they don't visit Saturday gists at all. Whatever! Weekend Gists rock.
ReplyDeleteTrue, they prolly didn't open the post.
DeleteI must win the money madam SDK. Happy sunday family.
ReplyDeleteI guess people are no longer motivated to send in gist.
ReplyDeleteThose who can't string two sentence together will abuse those who make d effort. It's not always about d mony but contributing and catching fun.
Mine happened a long time ago when I started to grow some fine yellow boobies. I went for one evening service and I had on this transparent blouse on a black spaghetti. I sat outside and it was not so bright outside. Time for offering, I went inside dancing during offering time. Everybody was staring at me than usual, the funniest part was the pastor on the pulpit, he seemed to have lost his tongue when I came to put offering. I was confused. Getting back to my seat outside I felt kind of cold around my left side chest, I touched myself and my heart skipped. All this while I never knew my black spaghetti had shifted from my shoulders & my left breast was completely exposed coz I had no bra on and the spaghetti was hugging. So I flashed my boobs for the whole church to see including the pastor. Felt ashame for awhile each time I went back there but now I find the whole incidence so funny.
ReplyDeleteThose that saw you and said nothing are the ones that should be ashamed. Naijas ehn, una sabi look. Who looking epp sef.
DeleteI have so many funny gists from back when I was in secondary school. But I will share two very funny ones.
ReplyDeleteThere was this particular night the principal and other lecturers living in the staff quarters came to our hostel and we heard they've been to other hostels searching for a particular girl, apparently her friends and hostel members said she ran mad and climbed the gate of her hostel and ran off( most people from federal schools know how easy "scaling" the fence is). They searched for this girl for like an hour...it was almost 3am since 1am....that's how she just jumped out from a nearby bush where we gathered and shouted April fool. All the teachers and principal actually laughed at her prank. And during assembly the next day the principal announced she was expelled from school. Lol...she didn't see that one coming...hahaha
Another of the numerous hilarious stories that happened then was there was this particular girl that sleeps with a white wrapper...she uses it to cover herself, due to the girl's strange behaviour some thought she was possessed but some people believed there was nothing like that...there was this senior, she was a prefect and our room head(very mean) and believed she get mouth..we used to call her "senior amaka the wicked."(behind her back though)The "possessed" girl's name is Ada. This fateful day, Ada started gathering chairs and sat down in front of the chairs holding a meeting..with "empty chairs". Most people stayed away from her, some left the room. I just sat down there, watching but praying,casting and binding any crinkumkrankan spirit around in my head. Thats how Amaka came and sat down on the chair, ada told her not to sit that people were sitted..but like the chop knuckle strong girl she dey always form, saying I'm God's daughter, nothing fit happen. That's how she sat down and nothing happened. A week passed by,everything was cool. So we were all about to sleep at night, when senior amaka came n saw Ada using her white cloth to cover herself , she decided to seize it coz everyone already decided ada was probably not possessed since nothing happened to snr Amaka after the chair incident...but it was quite funny when during the night, Snr Amaka started shouting apparently she was being flogged in her dreams, when she woke up, her entire body was swollen o....they had to take her home. It was very funny cos she was a wicked snr but people started distancing themself from Ada too sha. Make we no come offend her and be getting spiritual flogging or worse...hehehe. For identification 090****6851
Stella I have not visited that IHG post in a very,very long-time.
ReplyDeleteThere was no prior mention of this at a post everyone goes to.Eg IHN.
Are your results not published in IHN post again,i just felt a submission would be made on monday.
I think this is a haphazard arrangement. No instructions of when and where to send in the result...
Next time,make one person the judge cos there is no way in hell two people will find same Gists super funny at the same time.
Lastly,I don't want this kind of responsibility to fall into my laps again, I had to let go of some hobbies of mine to be able to fit this blog into my schedule. Even at that,i see myself struggling to read news and comments. Make I no add judge to my numerous "problems"
There are other people that won't mind. I'm good with singing competitions,when I can though.
So to the cruz of the matter, I found The Sisieko gist quite funny,but someone else shared it...I loved Realist and Beautiful's too.
Since you mentioned that it has to be an Original story(i hope I read well oooh) REALIST it is.
Your rule was to bring an Original gist to the table,Shakiti I guess is disqualified,except she can prove that same thing happened to her,and miraculously she typed it same way Sisi typed hers. Lol But if the house feels she should win,so be it.
Ekuse ooh.
You haven't visited IHG in a long time you say? How covenient that you decided to visit today? You don't have to lie you know? Stella meant well.stop acting like you are someone high and mighty,warning stella and all.I'm seeing a new iphie.na wa.
DeleteWaoo Iphie Iphie, you sound a bit too off on this one. It was just a fun suggestion, albeit a spontaneous one, so I don't think she needed to give any official notification. It wouldn't have taken too much of ur time u know. Well, that's what I think o. Just like the regular comments u drop here daily. Not that u have to file in a report or something... Abi. You just spoilt the fun jor.
DeleteOkay Shakiti's gist is disqualified?
ReplyDeleteAnd none original gists are not admissible?
Choi! I'm fond of running down to type and post before one of these Snowcakes help me "publish" *wipes sweat"
Yes..you were in a hurry to warn stella.mrs know it all.
DeleteLol all funny stories...The title na "Class alone" Let me drop mine, hope one pesin go Laff.. Tho e no funny me den! Wen I was a kid in primary one , my 2 elder brodas in pry 6and5 were taking me to school , they usually swing me for one nearby gutter wey get dirty water dey flow, smelly shitty water.. On dis fateful father Xmas fun fair day , as we reach d gutter place na Hin den 2 as usual hold one hand each and d swinging began, but dis tym d swinging took longer and next pam I dey inside d gutter, e no too deep sha... Dey just pulled me out shapshap and took me to one corner use hand squeeze my dress and dint take me back home.. U can imagine! My mama strict den dey know say na serious wet cane dem for chop! Na so we reach skool fun fair and class by class den dey comot wen time son rch and by now d cloth don dey smell wella, my teacher just dey say who shit for body wen she smell me, she say I no go join den outside, dis wicked lady lock me inside class , Na so I dey peep dey look my mate and dey chop d smell inside class, guess who was having fun for swing and jangilover? My elder brothers na den o start cry . But my teacher sha give me food inside class alone , and I add story tell my mama wen I reach house and trusting my mama den chop cane and I chop sweet rice.. Hope som1 smiled..
ReplyDeleteI had a good laugh
DeleteI have been thinking of sending this little piece of advice to my fellow 'bvn', but always forget.
ReplyDeleteI want to use this opportunity to beg you people to take it easy with people with communication problems. I have had communication problem since when I was young. Initially, my parents felt it was because we spoke two languages at home. They sent me to my grandmother to properly learn my local language, still the problem did not stop. It is worse when I am angry, over-joyed, or anxious. I try to speak my local language with those who understand it because I feel, it is better for them to say I cannot speak my language well than to say I cannot speak English, since people who cannot communicate properly in English are deemed to be intellectually poor. But this is not true. I am an A student. I read one of the enviable courses in the world. I have studied both in Nigeria and outside.
Sometimes, I am compelled to suspect that our former first lady may have the same problem. This is because, since the husband was her lecturer, he could not have chosen someone who is academically poor as a wife.
I did not understand my problem until I got married and had my children. Now, one of my children has the same communication problem. He is now in speech therapy.
I do not mean to bore you with this little piece. I just want you to know that, just like some people have vision and hearing problems, some have speech problems (Which can also reflect when writing). Please take it easy when bashing such people. A mild criticism or correction will suffice.
Forgive any gbagun, to construct a sentence no dey easy for me!
You wrote well dear,don't mind the grammar teachers of this blog.No one is perfect
DeleteI think it's called dysgraphia and dyslexia. It's a cluster of learning disabilities though.
DeleteGod bless you for your sincerity.
Waterlily Reloaded said:
ReplyDeleteMy gist of yesterday was not culled from anywhere ooo
Abeg make una vote for me, I need the 5k
Sisi eko,that gist was not mine.
ReplyDeletei just find it funny that i had to save it since the day i saw it.
i read it whenever am down and it sure makes me laugh.
Stella,am so sorry.
Sisi Eko accept my apology.
Still love u.
Oh my sweetie, I bear u no grudge jor. I was laughing while I typed o. Don't mind anyone who's trying to make it seem like I attacked u. I was just tickled when I saw it. I hope and wish u win.. ok? Love u more my dear. Winks
DeleteSisi eko,na beg i dey beg ooooo,i no fit for court case oooooo.
ReplyDeleteXp continue fanning till she cools down abeg.
Ahahah no mind XP. Y'all should let it slide.
DeleteAbeg ooo incase I win I can be recognised with this... 081****4078. No mind me the hustle is real
ReplyDeleteI was high last night...Mistook my torch light Nokia for a candle..Na so I begin dey blow the light make e off..When I get myself..I laff die
ReplyDelete