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Sunday, April 17, 2016

Sunday In House Gist + Freestyle.

Today gist is quite funny....I will announce the winner anytime after the 100th comment.
Get your account number ready...lol





  GIST 1
BLIND DATE 

My fellow BVN,I have been wondering why people refuse to show on getting to meet someone for the first time until I found out myself 2weeks ago.

I have been talking with this guy on phone for some time and his voice is just out of this world with good English. We started a relationship without meeting and it wasn't just a game,we were dating to marry eventually.we exchanged pictures and he was not looking bad.


He described himself to be average height,fair in complexion,very handsome,well built body structure with macho,not fat-not slim,flat tommy with swag. You needed to have heard how this guy described and hyped himself,(Nna,nkooh).We decided to meet.he has to come over and we'll Lodge in a guest house.

The "D" day came,I dressed as if I was going to meet the president of Nigeria,make I no carry last na,(you can imagine).over excitement wan kill me because I was anticipating to see this handsome young man I have been dying for.

He got to the park before me and was at the waiting hall patiently waiting for me.When I got there,He saw me first and said I should turn,(o boy see slow motion)I turned and saw 2 guys with their phones in the ears.One fine ,one no fine.(if na you who you go go meet,no be the one wey fine?)Ehe!,I was walking towards the fine guy,when the other guy said,Hi dear!(for my mind I shouted Jesus!this is not happening) I wanted to disappear but it was too late.I had to put on a smiling face.

As I went closer to him,my heart was beating so fast.I started having fever and at the same time sweating profusely.He said baby,you are sweating(for my mind,I said,ode!why I no go sweat?when I am seeing a horror movie).What I saw was the reverse of everything he described.


I first of all, sited his pencil leg with pencil jean trousers.his shirt was very big on him and he starched the shirt and he was just dancing inside it.I now looked at his shoe,o boy,see timberland shoe.He was looking so funny in my eyes,more like a cartoon.when I now looked at his handsome face as he described,I fainted in my mind.I said shuuuuuu!what is this?His lips just managed to cover his teeth.when he now smiled to hug me,I wanted to hide.Height nko,this guy no see average sef,he is brief.(for my mind,I said,I don enter one chance today)....


He said ,baby you look amazing.I smiled,(for my mind I said,who is your baby?if only I will not delete your number right here.)


We got to the guest house and talked for sometime,Naim my guy begin act funny.I said no way,we are not going to do anything ooh.He looked at me and said "Not me".Before I could say jack Robinson,he has undressed himself.My eyes went straight to his prickometre,O boy fear catch me ooh.no be the size dey fear me but the thing was pointing to the ceiling even as he was standing up(I was like,what the hell is this?End time Prick).

I have never seen this type before in my life.I thought it's supposed to be pointing horizontally na?please correct me if I am wrong about this.
My people,it was vaginismus that saved me.When I came back and gisted my friend,she was rolling on the floor laughing.she come dey make jest of me on top,say"see the bride's maid wey I don dey prepare to do now" Loooooolz.

I hope you laughed.


..........................................................................................................


GIST 2
DELIVERANCE 'FALL'

hello Stella and BVNs,
my neighbour told us this gist when we were discussing fake pastors yesterday.
His course mate who was an usher in one of these new generatiin
churches was pestering him to visit their church so he decided to
attend their 1st friday miracle vigil with his friend.


As the vigil progressed,  they started 'deliverance' and his friend fell under the 'annointing' he rolled from the middle of the church where they sat to the choir section screaming 'yes Lord'

At the choir section he started kicking the instruments. the ushers tried to tame him but he was uncontrollable.the entire church was in total darkness as he had destroyed the wiring with his kicks. Even the microphone was no longer working at this point.

He was about climbing the altar to continue destruction before the pastor ordered the security to take him out.
It was on their way home that he told my neighbour that the pastor
pushed him hard under the guise of deliverance and he fell down so he
decided to teach them a lesson.This is the end of my story.

Hope its not too dry?







90 comments:

  1. The two made me laugh. I vote number 2

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 😂😂😂😂 confused about who to vote for!!

      Delete
    2. No. 2 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

      Delete
    3. Oh my fucking Dayssssssssss.... I died reading gist two wtfh I vote gist two

      Delete
  2. Gist my make me pee in my pants, smtin lik dat has apund 2 mi 2 n Twaz nt funny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gist 1, vaginismus saved you which means you guys actually got down to it? If he had succeeded now you would have cried 'rape'. Why follow him to the guest house after you noticed his Noble Igwe looks that was quite different from how he described himself? Girls make Una take am easy o there was nothing funny about your gist.

      Gist 2 has my vote

      Delete
  3. I see no funny jokes here, pls dis joke issue should stop, I see pple forcing it

    ReplyDelete
  4. D two post r both very funny@endtimeprick really got me rolling on the ground....no b small thg ooo

    ReplyDelete
  5. In trillion's voice, endtime gist
    Poster 1: ur gist isn't complete, pls complete d gist.. u didn't tell us if he finally gbensh u.
    Poster 2: u go fear deliverance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Them gbensh na, u no see d vaginismus part. Meanwhile Gist one is the truth, kai. #tearsrollingdownmyeyes

      Delete
  6. I vote Gist two.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Stella, am not a robot oooh
    Can't comment with my ID







    PORTABLE VIV



    Jesus fix it

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Poster 1, abeg I no understand, shey you both do 'kinni'?

    I love the 2 gists but I go vote gist 1




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
  9. I vote gist 1 though I enjoyed reading both.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lwkmd @ the second gist.

    Isi ngee?

    Choi!

    Poster one, you strong o. If na me, I go excuse myself from the guest house, leave am.
    And break up with him via phone, on the grounds of deception.
    Lmao.

    #WhiteDiamondOut

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hahahaha, the second story cracked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hahahaha the blind date was so hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Gist 1 you got catfished.
    Gist 2 you are one funny fellow

    ReplyDelete
  14. Deliverance Fall really cracked me. I chose df

    True

    ReplyDelete
  15. Gist 2 deliverance fall hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  16. So funny... was really laughing hard wen reading Gist 1 ooo.I can relate with ur story!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Lol..I vote gist one. I remember when something like this happened to me..I no fit laugh, the guy's dentition was terrible and that was the day I knew that some people could be photogenic but ugly in reality, I had to discharge him sharp sharp. The friendship was never the same.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lmao...gist one got me laughing real hard. End time prick indeed!

    Gist 1 it is.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster 2 na serious gbege o, can't help but laugh, I can relate especially those men of God wey God no call.

    ReplyDelete
  20. first poster...ur gist na die! u no knw say different kinds of pricks dey? some pricks bo get shape sef, dem no resemble prick at all. dat guy must be a jerk,y did he have to hype himself? he is just an idiot. blind date no follow at all

    ReplyDelete
  21. LMAO.

    The two made me laugh o..

    Confused

    ReplyDelete
  22. The second story is truly funny. I laughed out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  23. G1,ur gist no gel,as his prick was pointing to d ceiling,i guess ur virginal was pointing parallel to d ceiling

    I vote gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  24. Replies
    1. Lol, gist one, you dint complete the story nau, did you run away or stayed to finish what he started

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  25. The two got me laughing so hard,nice one

    ReplyDelete
  26. I vote gist two
    I always warn any prayer warrior coming close not to touch me.

    I remember one incidence.
    This charismatic brother was pushing my fore head and telling me to recieve it.
    I just told him to stop pushing me ooo
    Let the holy spirit push me instead.
    He said he knew it was the demon in me that was speaking and i told him lai lai ooo
    No evil spirit is speaking through me.
    That was how his charismatic brethren gathered me and wanted to take me outside for 'special' deliverance (hair cutting and bathing with anointing oil and some strokes to digest it)
    I sha caused a scene and my mum took me home while giving me suspicious looks.
    Na since then i dey take side eyes look all this people wey sabi fall under the anointing.
    No more deliverance vigils for me oooo
    Good old holy mass and personal prayers at the grotto and blessed sacrament don do me mbok.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Bie poster one,
    This one vaginassimus save you so.
    Meaning you give home boy a chance abi?
    Na wa

    ReplyDelete
  28. Gist 2 please
    The security taking him out got me rolling

    ReplyDelete
  29. Definitely going for gist 2...

    Quite hilarious...

    The gist 1 kinda have a "K-leg" nice attempt at humor though.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Gist 2...I really laughed out loud

    ReplyDelete
  31. Gist one abeg. I am still laughing end time prick

    ReplyDelete
  32. Laughing hard seriously

    ReplyDelete
  33. Gist 1,you made my day

    ReplyDelete
  34. winner will be announced after 100th comment..LMAO


    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm always missing this in-house gist...please madam Stella under where and how do I send mine. That giveaway too suppose enter my hand

    ReplyDelete
  36. Be specific with ur votes pls.
    Saying gist one killed it doesnt mean u ve voted it.
    Pls ooo

    ReplyDelete
  37. I was breastfeeding my baby Jeje reading gist one and laughing seriously wen I got to jist two my laugh was so intense at ' showing them the pastor bcos he pushed me hard. Honestly my baby almost slipped off. Kai is been long I laugh like this . Thank God for humorous gist and thank God for SDK

    ReplyDelete
  38. Haaahaaahaaahaaa! Both are really really really hilarious! But I'm voting for gist 1!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I vote gist 2.
    Though both gists are hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Y'all not seeing Stella desperately needs a hundred commenter.. The two posters better come up with something cos it doesn't look like more people are gonna comment

    ReplyDelete
  41. Thank you Stella and God bless your golden heart Angel, my brother inlaw has been married for 6yrs and he is yet to have a child, his wife had issues with her tubes and had done series of tubes flushing and just when one comes through he suddenly developed low sperm count and had to go for surgery to boost it.

    Doctors revealed after that the sperm count has increased to a reasonable level but advised an IVF as quick option in other to avoid the a re-blockage of the one tube but the biggest challenge is the money, they can't afford it. We have all been trusting and hoping on God to perform a financial miracle . I would be most grateful if he is considered for this rare gesture. More blessing.. I can be reached on hopebat@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  42. This is the first time that I have ever laughed out load in this section. When I was reading,I could see in my minds eye, the gist 2 guy screaming and kicking all the instruments.
    Some of these end time pastors that will be pushing people to fall by force need more of such people.
    Even if my vote doesn't count,I vote gist two.

    ReplyDelete
  43. The first gist na bomb...i can imagine that scene. ..will feel like disappearing. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  44. I'll go 4 1, have been a victim in such scenario few years back when Glo Nigeria 1st introduced mobile chat via text messages. It was a hell day, after that day I stopped sms chat.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Lol. Gist number two is so funny.......

    ReplyDelete
  46. Lol. Gist number two is so funny.......

    ReplyDelete
  47. Omg. Gist no 2 was so funny, had me rolling

    ReplyDelete
  48. Lol. Gist number two is so funny.......

    ReplyDelete
  49. Very funny gists. I vote for gist 2.

    ReplyDelete
  50. My first time of voting and laughing so hard. I vote gist 2.
    #thatnigerdeltagirl

    ReplyDelete

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