Living together before Marriage is the title of the post up there.Please note that i did not use the word ''Co-Habit'' or ''Co-habiting'' cos that would mean something entirely different.
In this part of the World where i live,living together before Marriage is no big deal and sometimes even helps the couple decide if they want to get married or not,sometimes they decide to live together and not marry but commit.
As an African person,that was a big shock when i first left Nigeria,now it is no big deal for me.
I am wondering how you as Nigerian sees the issue of Living together before Marriage...Some of you ladies will come here and scream No but you are already practically living with your men....*Think am well na*
As a Nigerian man, how do you view your woman or any other moving in without the bride price?
Truth be said?I am sorry if this will annoy anyone but my mindset has been reset and i do not see any big deal with living in to help one decide the next step..Of cos you can live in without s3x.....Oh Yes you can....right?
Whats your take?This is a post that should not head south please...lol
I'm here to read comments!
ReplyDeleteI don't even advice sex before marriage
For me its a big deal living with someone that's yet to decide if you're the one or not
DeleteFor me its a big capital NO cos so many things is as stake
Its a no big deal. Did with fiance now sweetest husband. We were both from a bad relationships and were really careful or our next choices. We got a new 2bedroom flat. He was stingy with sex and I felt he wasnt attrated to me but he kept telling me he didnt love me for sex. We had and nursed the best friendship. We had fun. Were like d best relationship. When made love once a while but it was always heavenly. We told people we were married yet we had our difference and worked them out before we wedded. 6months to wedding, I moved in with my elder sister n family.
DeleteWe had or TM, court and white wedding. Today, we are the sweetest couple.
Dont judge because the time we were apart, we used it to seek mercy
Stella i guess thats why most of those people in d aboad almost commit suicide or murder after living with d guy for years and it doesnt work.
DeleteIn our African setting,its frowned at. You lose some value on urself when u pack ur things and go and leave with a man that has not done his part. Not worth it. We have to be wise.
Reminds me of one babe that changed her surname to her boyfriends name. Even did BVN on his name. Now they have broken up and she is trying to change d name back. Her account has been blocked.
Changing ur life b4 d guy even weds u depicts low self worth
It's so possible. I lived with DH then for one whole year without sex until I rapped him a month to my marriage. I thought he was having issues. He has the best pennis and sex with him is crazy.
DeleteWeekends are cool other than that it's a NO until marriage. Then again, leaving for someone for 3months you get to know if you can go all the way.
DeleteAm team live together for atleast 2 weeks b4 u decide 2 marry cos then u will have an idea of whats to come. U know hw ur pattner sleeps, snores, farts, baths, etc and that is a huge factor to know if you are compatible.
DeleteI am presently living wt fiance.he wants d wedding in june,bt I don't cos I can't see any preperations towards that.M nt talking abt d wedding bt marriage.I believe a lot of tins shd be put in place first.Even dou he has a business I dnt knw hw long dt can keep us cos m still schoolin n dnt hav anytin doing.He has borrowed every penny I have n I am stuck here wt nothing.I want to move out bt dnt knw where to go.My parents will be soo dissapointed if dey find out ds is wat I am doing in school.I am ashamed of myself bt I feel helpless.Everyday I ask God to forgive n help me.So,I am not in support of Living together before marriage!!
Deletelike late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya usex to say, why buy a cow when you can milk it for free..
Deleteit is a different thing if a lady has no choice. but i wont readily advise a lady to live in with her boyfriend fir the sole purpose of checking if they are compatible..i feel it devalues the girl...
quite alot of very pretty girls in OAU Ife lived in with their boyfriends through school, cooking cleaning and burning their cables...i dont know one of them out of all of them that any of the guys married. Thats when the guys knew they were not compatible. the ones that dont live in never marry finish na the one offering wifely duties go marry
Make I siddon here and read comments.
ReplyDeleteI might learn one or two things.
Abeg shift small, make me sef follow u siddon.
DeleteI get popcorn nd coke jst in case.....
DeleteSo wrong.
DeleteI am totally against living with a man before marriage. Not even to spend hols.
ReplyDeleteSee all of them the all do it on this blog liar's
DeleteIn this part of the world I don't think it's acceptable for unmarried couple to live together.
ReplyDeleteBut there's ONE God for the whole world....
DeleteI can't live with a man that isn't my husband before marriage. When you people finally get married, that's If you do, what will be the difference? Nothing new. Then if you guys don't end up getting married you have given the man all the rights of a husband only for the relationship to end and you'll be feeling like you lost a husband when he actually wasnt
ReplyDeleteYou can't live with him but it's okay to fuck him, get pregnant and have a baby for him? Isn't that a right exclusive for husbands?
DeleteI tire for hypocrites. There really are some posts you have no business commenting on, just read and move along.
OmG Anon. That was harsh! You're right though 😆
DeleteBut you have had sex, get belle and aborted....
DeleteU have done all sort of style even while living apart....
Hehehe...... What will you do after marriage again?
Chei.....Anon I hope you're happy now.
DeleteI've never done it and I will never do it, even if the wedding ceremony will be a small parlor party. I can't allow any man to rent me, he should rather buy me if he want to enjoy wifey benefit
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Chop kiss joor!! If he wants to buy let him buy.
DeleteIf not, let him face his front
DeleteLady that knows her worth! Chop kiss!
DeleteTrue
DeleteGbam. Because what is the essence of buying a cow again, when you are having both the milk and meat for free.
DeleteErmmm...I also hope you're not renting the vagina to him. No be to dey form 'I can't stay with him' but then you can fuck him.
DeleteYou guys mehn, I tire for una
DeleteBuahahahahahahaahàaaa. I lovr April already. I am not a saint but my two cents is that you cannot live with a man so long without sex. Abeg let us call a spade a spade and not a cutlaas
ReplyDelete708 comment 2016
Living together before marriage for make sense oh! But men these days are nolonger loyal,house rent wan finish me for abuja,we for dey use d living together to save house rent.
ReplyDeleteComments plssssssssssss
ReplyDeleteBtw, am waiting for my village people and also my neighbours.
Una welcome
For me I can't live with a man if he's not my husband. Never!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe must not live together to help us decide any next step.
If we're planning marriage and my rent expires, I can move in with him.
Well, I'm in diaspora like Stella said no big deal here. It even helps you to know more of the man and if you guys can actually live together as a couple. Well, I have been living with my fiance for 3 years and we are getting married in August. Everything has been fine and sweet for us. Well, this life everyone has what works for them.
DeleteWoteva works 4d goose may not work 4d gander!...living in or not a guy knows who he wants to b with from day 1...so una spend 1 month or 10yrs makes no difference..mine is don't smell the food you can't eat.
DeleteShut the hell up Lafresh Swag. Everyone has done. Be it at NYSC or visiting your BF.
DeleteIf you see one sweet guy who ,madly adores n love you, you go beg to move in. Remember Scholl days? Abi you don forget?
Living with a guy before marriage has it's good and bad side. Before marriage I was living with this guy and we are having sex constantly but I never got pregnant. That was how I came to know that the guy is impotent and I took to my heels. Living together before marriage is not advisable cos both of una go see unasef finish.chikina
DeletePeacock
DeleteAnon 15:04. Abeg don't tar everyone with same brush. That you did does not mean everyone would have done same. I did not even have a boyfriend whilst in school (my choice) talkless of living with one.. Abeg ur comment Na fallacy of generalisation.
Anon biko not everyone. I never slept in a man's house at any point. I never passed the night in a man's house either. I always find my way back to my apartment.
DeleteEven in school and nysc, I never did
When I had a long distant relationship, I always booked a room for a week in a hotel. I'll go visit him after which I'll go back to my room
I'm married now so please stop generalizing. Because you did it doesn't mean we all did it. Everyone has a standard they set for them selves
I think living together its wrong because where is the joy of the marriage nite?? And we are entirely forgetting the bible here that it's a sin. And it seems like a time wasting because at the end if it didn't work out then u re doom.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the joy of the wedding night when you have been banged already with all sort of styles from more than 7men....
DeleteHehehehehe, yeye dey smell
Live in without sex? For how long? I laugh in spanish.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a responsible man,its no biggie. But most nigerian men will see you finish o....and marry some one else. After all the cooking,washing,sweeping,plenty sex....etc.
I cant do it ojare....being in his face 24/7 is a problem.spending weekends is better. Allow the guy miss you small.
SHantelle
I lived with my boyfriend for 8 months when I just got my first job after nysc. We had a lot of fight but we made it a rule to never go to bed angry or with unresolved issues. We grew very strong. As soon as I quit my job to go do my masters that was when the fights started. Mistrust, lack of communication, cheating, not even helping with my needs even when he can. Right now the relationship is almost dead and it hurts me so much. I don't know how to salvage the situation
ReplyDeleteThis comment just scared me. I'm going through a rough patch with my boyfriend and just thinking that my story could eventually be like yours gives me the creeps.
DeleteDated for 6 years......living together for almost a year off and on....and we may likely breakup. ..I tire for love sef...
DeleteTo me it is totally wrong. I don't like it and always preach against it.
ReplyDeleteLiar! You are living wit ur bf.
DeleteAnon 14:00 how u take know?
Delete@Shennel, he's her boyfriend
DeleteNo be husband again? Kikiki
DeleteVery wrong to live with a man before marraige. That na see finish na
ReplyDeleteBetter see finish.. Its wrong biko
DeleteIf una come marry after 5yrs, him no go see you finish?
DeleteIt's all shades of wrong.
DeleteI can "live" with my man before marriage depending on the circumstance and when it's like my last resort. It's normal to go spend weekends and a week or two with ur man but IMO, when it's getting past two months, I am no longer comfortable.
ReplyDeleteSo that was how he sucked you dry and you came asking for kayan Mata for next weekend on ihn?
DeleteI am putting up with a friend but most times staying with my man. He doesn't want me to step an inch. He wants me to decide where I want to stay, either with him or my friend. I had to call him to order yesterday. What is wrong is wrong, irrespective of who is involved. Guy man proposed 2 years ago and has not made any move to go see my people. I have never lived with him, and that is what he wants. If I stay with him, he will just be relaxed and marry on credit. Besides I need to meet other people out there. It's a no, no for me.
ReplyDeleteWise decision. You're not living with him yet he couldn't do the needful, live with him and he'll keep you there for life. No gree jare.
DeleteAbeg Stella no vex. If it's not co-habiting, biko wt else is it?.. its is wrong hoohaa!!
ReplyDeleteNeither do I! It has its merits & demerits.
ReplyDeleteBin there before but I found it very difficult to cope. So in effect, that's lifestyle no go suit me.
*Ghanaman signing out*
How will u now cope wit marriage? Of course, you just a sissy!
DeleteYou mean someone actually agreed to date you? As in a human being actually accepted your advances? There's hope for everyone then.
DeleteIts a big no to me and I wldnt want to practice such no matter who accepts it. I have no respect for someone that practices such, most of them dnt end up marrying themselves even after sucking you dry . Wonder what will make a lady with self esteem leave her place to stay with a man who havnt done a dim on her behalf. Such a shame
ReplyDeleteSee liars everywhere. Who are now the girls that live wit their man? Be real queen amy. Pretender oshi!
DeleteAnonymous,so being real is when Queen Amy to admits that she is living with a man?
DeleteYou nko? Be real and say you are not living with a man too na. Or you are the only one entitled to being real? You are right and everyone else is wrong abi?
Infact,left for you people here..people should be running around naked and chanting "Onye oshi,oluruburuku,oshisco,Amu,Otu,fuck,suck" Ehe,that time the person is real and fearless.
The sooner you begin to realise that people are different the better oooh.
If you are quick to call people liars here,it means you yourself must be a chronic liar too.
If you are comfortable and proud of your lifestyle and what you believe in,stop running around looking for a "companion" just stand tall and confident okay?
Who is this frustrated old hag running around my comment like a badly burnt rabbit. Fyi i dont and will never support it, no wonder u have been living with that imbecile for more than a decade without him knowing you are a bastard
Delete@queen amy, d peace less girl, ur stupidity has no comparison, imagine u, Iphie is everything you might never be, she's a responsible married woman.
DeleteIf I know how to throw insults, I would have offloaded a trailer load of it on you. Shut up and find ur fellow rascals to insult. Iphie completely ignore her. I don't know u but ur good heart shows in ur comments. Queen anumanu
You have no respect for whoever that does that? As you've not been living with a man,how market?Judginas everywhere.Wonder who has ever died cuz he/she wasn't respected.
Delete*strolls in*
ReplyDeleteLet the comments roll......
Stella, time never reach to change this our couch?
ReplyDeleteLolz
Living together before marriage is not the best.. Been with my partner since 2004 with two lovely children and still he refuse to pay my bride price , at 35 already loosing interest in him.
ReplyDeleteSince 2004?
DeleteIssorite
Since u were 24? Wasted years or wat! If u die now madam Na hell
DeleteHahaha....She better die there oooo. Where she wan go again after 10 yr and 2 kids.
DeleteI lived with my DH three months before my trad.It was bad cos it helped me to know him more in terms of sex,hygiene and compatibility.
ReplyDeleteWhen I met my dh newly,we never had sex and immediately we started living together,I noticed he had serious erectile dysfunction! I was shocked cos my introduction was almost the next month and I was team no sex
I started with his oral and body hygiene which I later achieved the result.
For the erectile dysfunction,I was devastated cos I love sex so so much n so can stand cheating on him.We later treated it a little through herbs and managed to do the trad and church wedding despite the conditions.
What I'm I trying to say,living with him few months to trad saved my marriage...
I advocate for people who have few months or weeks to wed to avoid had I known.
wasn't****
DeleteIf only there is a voice section that I don't have to type long epistles
ReplyDeleteAm in different about living together before marriage, if it works out fine ....but if it doesn't life goes on.
ReplyDeleteSorry, it might head south. That being said, living together before marriage is just not ok. People will take advantage of each other at the end of it all.
ReplyDeleteThat it worked for one, doesn't mean it will work for another.
This is Naija!
Without sex kwa, na to tear paent o!... Quicksilver this post is d causer am not dat savage o😳
ReplyDeleteKelvin dat Edo Boi ( Stellz cousin )
Stella let's be frank here. It isn't possible to live with a man that is sexually active and not have sex. Except that man is celebste and even then temptation must come. Except the woman he isn't attracted to d girlfriend he is living with.
ReplyDeleteYou can go and spend weekend with ur boo without sex, but even then it's hard. As a lady if you know you are celebate and in a relationship it is better you don't spend the night at all sef. Becos there is every possibility ur boyfriend will rape you, then beg after. Even married women are raped.
Bcos of men of nowadays, everything is sex. I just met a guy recently, which my friend introduced me to as I just ended a relationship. We have been talking for just 2wks on what'sapp and few calls here and there, This guy is supposed to be a Dr, just finished his PHD in England,looks like a book worm/pastor. I felt safe, as I don't need man wahala in my life right now. His look is quiet. Thot he wld even be boring. Na so so full length pics he dey ask for up and down. Even dou his seen my pics on what'sapp. I send am, na so e begin comment about my boobs and ass, that he likes girl dat are endowed. I said ok.
Next he started asking if I'm adventurous in bed, d styles I like, how many round, do I like if a man stays in me for long.
Stells, bv I never meet dis guy physically o, na just fone and u are asking such questions already.
All dese men of Nways are so spoilt honestly. As a lady you go and spend wkend with such man. And you think dat man won't fuck you, you are on a long thing.
I personally don't have a problem with ladies living with a man. But I can't do it personally, I can go and spend wkend there every wkend o. But I can't live there. It takes away dat beauty of marriage and living 2geda. At d same time my senior broda lived with him gf for yrs before marriage and deyv been married 15yrs.
Hahahaha, d guy is dreaming of what he'll do to u.
DeleteHope you are not above 25 with all this I can't do this, I can't that. When you are not a virgin. Bimpe
DeleteMe! I am going to read comment. I have nothing to 'kwantribute'. Absolutely nothing!
ReplyDeleteMe too. I live alone, I like my space and I don't need any monitoring spirit in the name of bf.
DeleteLol @ monitoring spirit.
Delete*Gweeeeegs alert******kwantinu u hia!!!!!!
DeleteZion baby I'm like you o. I like my space ehn. Though I don't live alone but we only have a common living room and kitchen and I can cope cos it's my sister
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLiving together before marriage for make sense oh! But men these days are nolonger loyal,house rent wan finish me for abuja,we for dey use d living together to save house rent.
ReplyDeleteOn couch
ReplyDeleteRaised legs
Sipping otapiapia
I see it as a very big deal. A friend of mine moved in with a man after she became pregnant for him. Now she has giving birth and still living with him. He has the money and all but has refused to go see her people. And to think he is a big chest but she stays put because of money He gives her.
ReplyDeleteHe leaves the house for days every week to be with his numerous girls friend and returns the next week to be with the family. He cheats to her face and she can't do nothing. I have told her severally to leave him but she feels I'm a bad friend not wanting her to enjoy the guys money.
She does all the widely duties like cooking, cleaning, washing and having sex with him whenever he wants and how ever he wants. In my mind I feel like he will chase her out one day and bring in the girl he really wants. To make matter worse his family don't even like her so she has no ally there..
Its very wrong in general for a lady to move in with a man. It makes the man slow down on marrying you. Why will he marry you when he is riding the horse for free everyday?? When you are performing duties of married couples
Abeg that's a stupid thing to do..
Badbelle friend. ..stop being jealous of your friend .I'm sure you are still single and searching
DeleteExactly!!! Why will he marry you when he's riding the horse free everyday?
DeleteWhat a pity!
DeletePls advice her to go for a test.
Lmao anon. I can see you are also living with a man who isn't married to you but your baby daddy.. Kpele. Take heart. And I'm so married. Jealous for what?? For been a baby mama or having a cheating baby daddy who isn't ready to settle down?? I feel for you tho
DeleteIf not that they are not married I would have thought you are talking about a friend of mine. This one the guy finally married her but he is obviously in love with another girl, that control him and have him anytime she wants
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBecause body Na firewood?
DeleteAsk ocha. except both of you don't have feelings for each other. Inukwa akuko.
DeleteWell living together to me is giving the guy the cookie for free, he may decide not to pay bride price and no there is no living together without sex, that na story.
ReplyDeleteBetter story jare. How can you give yam to a goat to keep?
DeleteSuper Story!
DeleteGbam!!!
DeleteLol at "how can you give yam to a goat to keep" funny comment.
DeleteGbam
DeleteI will read comments.
ReplyDeleteThe world must be in it's end time for us to start thinking that living together is okay.
ReplyDeleteStella there isn't any difference in what you are saying. Living together or co-habiting is all thesame coz over 90% of young couples living together before marriage are having coitus, so what's's the difference?
It has never been okay to move in with a guy before getting married to him and it will never be okay.
All the things you need to learn about your partner before marriage can be learnt without cohabiting. So what's the excuse?
You want to know how big his diqq is, how well he can use it, how good is his pull out game, or how good her sex game is?
Ohh Phuleeeeeez
Well said.
DeleteSee one with horse hooves teeth is talking. Wonders!
DeleteWell said
DeleteGermany don change your mentality abi @Stella. I personally think it is a wrong thing to do, besides it is religiously not good too.
ReplyDeleteI agree wit u,it doesn't matter,its d best to understand yourselves,habbits etc..attitudes will exhibit itself,to the smallest tin u will never imagine will turn u off,I tell u my experience,I met a guy and before I knew I will go over to his place and spend 1-2days,then gradually it turn wks,months then we just let it be,I notice u uses chewed toothpick to scratch his ears while make irritating sounds,he farts while eating,his boxers down is always darker but wit all I tried to correct him but he insist nothing is wrong that I also have annoying habits,like tapping my head(women do that to avoid scratching our hair)that I always say the head of fish(imagine)well we ended up our separate ways,so pls live with him ohhh,very little things could mean alot and if not resolved it will accumulate,don't try to change anyone...
ReplyDeleteSounds like he's yoruba
DeleteIt's no big deal. Currently live with le boo and this has opened my eyes to a lot of his bad habits and him to mine. A lot of people do it in this part of the world so you don't get a shocker after the wedding.
ReplyDeleteLiving together/fornication is a sin. Jesus is coming again.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be tagged a hypocrite.
DeleteGuess by who? Christians!
Or "holy holy"
DeleteSad.but true.
DeleteThis happens usually in the university. There's even a story which occurred about some OAU students sotey one couldn't write exam,the other injured another with bottle while herboyfriend dey watch. It's very wrong.
ReplyDeleteit was so rampant in OAU Ife especially in town and quarters.
Deletei dont know any of them that married. it us the ones that did not do wifely duties that got married sef.
Me n DH lived together for 2 years before getting married o. My family knew I was living with him. I made them understand its what I want o. He asked me to move in with him. I no even think am. After 18 months,he came home one day with a cute engagement ring and said lets just make it official. I love you and I don't need to give you a ring to prove that. But for societies' sake,lets go to church. A week later,we had our introduction,a month later,traditional and white wedding. Its been five solid years and we have two adorable kids. Love is the answer to life's problems jare. My guy loves me like mad. Shout out to all loving Isoko husbands. Y'all rock. Two of my sisters are also married to Isoko guys.
ReplyDeleteAll I'm trying to say is,it depends on the individuals involved and their families.
What of God? Doesn't it depend on him or "its your life"?
DeleteHypocrites full dis blog walahi..some of us to dey form holiness.sotey God go need to come down come borrow holiness from us..
DeleteIsoko men that i know? Jesus!
DeleteCall a spade a spade,its a sin,wether everyone is doing it or not
DeleteI'm an Isoko girl. Reading your comment, I can tell you're not Isoko lady. It's an known fact that Isoko men maltreat their wives when the wife is also Isoko. But he pets and adores his wife when she is an outsider. I observed this with all my uncle's and dad's friends.
DeleteAnyways; I no envy you. Make you and your sisters enjoy. I no plan to marry Isoko because I never ready for torture.
Isoko guys reading this, make una try change...
Watch how people will come and say yes Stella you are right. So true. You hit the nail.. #yimu😙😙😗😗
ReplyDeleteDuuuh! Nobody did.
DeleteLOL
DeleteFab momma,leave people and their opinions.
Not bringing all your belongings to the man's house, and staying permanently all in the name of getting to know him better. Going some weekends is okay for me, not living with him as husband and wife when he has not done anything yet.
ReplyDeleteBeen there done that. Won't do it again. I ended up treating a frog like a prince waste of my time n effort. I don't even crash at a guys place since that relationship. No matter what the time is I get up grab my keys n go home to my bed. Can't be baking pineapple crumbles by 2am just cos a nigga is craving🙌. Or pounding yam for his entire clan cos he feels I have to impress them so they can allow him marry an Igbo woman. Mba not anymore😌
ReplyDeleteLMAO! You cray.
DeleteLol. .......even you that is after one is doing sakara for a man.
DeleteLol iphie dearie. Its true na.how is my baby?
DeleteAnon dey there let pant be wearing u! My shakara has raised to power 10! Even me I am surprised. I am wiser n stronger. Got my own thing going. Don't need to depend on anybody nomore. My dear anon, I am now the perfect definition of a superwoman in my own words n guess what brought the super in me out? Being a mom, nt just being a mom BT raising the most awesome kid ever alone. #proudsinglemom
Word of advice to aspiring bullies: the word single mom doesn't have the same meaning to me as does u. So if u think u would get to me by throwing "single mom" "after one" " baby mama" phase would get to me lol.....just forgerrit. So y'all look for something else to say to me. That one never got to me n it would never get to me. Alot of people tell me I make single parenting look cool. Loads of my friends admire me. Especially the ones that are still single. So my dear anon I love my child n if I have to make this decision again, I will chose to raise my child alone.
Oya run along.😝
It works for some and doesn't for others! Its luck. It worked for one of my aunt but didn't work for my uncle so there you have it.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a big deal. Weekend with him, a week with him or a year is same thing.
ReplyDeleteGirls who don't co-habit gets dumped, girls who do can also be dumped. My boyfriend and I work, so we are busy on weekdays and spend every weekend together at his place. I don't see how that I am any better or different from the girl co-habiting with her man. However, while at it... KNOW THYSELF! No let bros take advantage of you o.
Hmmmn. Our parents never Co habited and yet they were able to navigate the stormy water of marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons why men delay in putting a ring on it.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?
Am out.
Gbo Gbo bigz girls I thought you are an ashewo, which comment is this one again?
DeleteI will be honest here. Before our traditional marriage, I was living in my hubby's house cos he works off shore and my rent expired. It was around July and we did trad dec. Everyone in our family was aware sha; meanwhile, do not try it if you don't know you stand in the relationship. My neighbor was scared for me thinking it will prolong our getting married. But God helped me anyway. Again I wanted to take in when we started living together but my hubby refused; said we will do it in a right way. Love me my hubby. Chi Austin
ReplyDeleteI live abroad and I've been living with my partner for 15yrs now,initially I moved in with him to save rent since he has a big house and I was paying so much rent sharing a flat with one of my colleague.so far it's wonderful living with him,we've had four children and moved to a bigger house.he has proposed to me like 3times now but am not interested in getting married,am just really happy the way we are,infact nobody knows we ain't actually married except our close families.we are so good together, I don't think us getting married now will make any difference,we have the money to have an elaborate wedding but I'll rather we use the money to finish our second house,our first house is rented out this second one we are building will be for us to stay as personal abode when we go on holiday to naija.mind you all,am not stupid,am a sensible woman,our houses are in our children's names,besides I don't see us separating, we love each other too much,he loves me even more.we'll always be together forever by GOD'S grace.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...
DeleteJust remove GOD from this crap u wrote,thanks
He'll get married with time. Been there. Hs married now after 8yrs with me n two kids but d properties are in our kids name. he got seperate ones for his new wife. I'm cool being d mistress. We stay in Italy, wife is in nigeria. Dunno what i'll do when he goes to naija o.
DeleteIt's still advisable to make it official so God and the law can recognize you both as being an item. No one knows tomorrow o. As it stands, you both are not married and will still be regarded as a separate entity.
DeleteListen to defaultsmile's comment down below. God doesn't even approve of your partnership* & you're looking for his grace.
DeleteNot judging, just stating the obvious.
Without marriage to a full naija man?,anty keep dreaming until he comes to naija without u & a sharp gal turns all d love u said he has 4 u to her & he decides to marry her with traditional, court & white wedding na dat time u go send chronicles to stella de cry.... na u re forming smart woman you wount go & do even if is court to secure ur place as a sensible woman. I pity 4 u smh & for ur information I ve seen plenty situations lik dis where husbands live dere wives 4 other women even after paying bride price & they even have children & joint properties. ...The family members & close relations now dat are encouraging u will support ur husband den even ur family & frnds will blame u & even dance,ware asoebi & share gifts @ ur husbands wedding okoko
DeleteWhat you are doing is a SIN.
DeleteWhy dont u want to marry him? Are u seeing someone else?
Amen!!!!!!!!! I pray to have a woman like you ..God bless your spirit.#womenlearnfromthis#
DeleteSo why not just marry him? You know best sha. Wish you the best
DeleteAnon 14;05....that man is not ur husband for your info.If u r not Married u aint...nothing like partner there. If he chooses to wed another woman then God will recognise the woman he wedded as his wife.
DeleteU better go n do the right thing.
××But marry him just now.Never be wiser than your destiny.
DeleteThank Me.
Church blessing(hope that is available where you stay) can work here.
DeleteCost effective,plus no razzmatazz.
Just an intimate affair.
Your arrangement sounds interesting though.
In God's eyes, its called fornication.
DeleteJust make it legal if you are a Christian.
Why are we even talking about living together before marriage, that's taking it far. A young woman with class (in the real sense of the word) should be irritated at the thought of spending a weekend at her boyfriends place, let alone live together. It is wrong from all moral stands and truth is, you can't know your partner's chracter 100% before marriage.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how civilization is making pple to start thinking dt it is right, it has always been a taboo, and will always remain a taboo.
I know people will always bring up excuses to back this act up, but like the bible said in Jeremiah 17:9: The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked,
So we can understand when people try to decieve themselves.
And less I forget, God forbid dt a woman I'm gonna marry lives with me b4 marriage. GOD FORBID!
Na your time dey stay with woman so tey inlaws go borrow u money to pay bride price.
DeleteToday Christian. Last week Friday Muslim heading to Mosque. Tueh. Liar Oshi
Deletemechitukwanu onu.
DeleteWhat is d difference between a person living together and one going to stay d weekend?
ReplyDeleteNways I'm not for a complete move in but every other weekend and at least a month before marriage.
End time couch
ReplyDeleteAnon 14;05....that man is not ur husband for your info.If u r not Married u aint...nothing like partner there. If he chooses to wed another woman then God will recognise the woman he wedded as his wife.
ReplyDeleteU better go n do the right thing.
712 comment 2016
Don't mind her. I can bet d guy didn't propose n probaly has another chic outside.
DeleteHow about common law marriage? You don't need to sound so judgemental. The worst hasn't happened yet.
DeleteOr may never happen infact-then what? Like she said she's clearly sensible and they are doing well so live and let live-I'm just saying.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteAs generations pass by values change and things that were completely unacceptable become acceptable.
ReplyDeleteBut they always come with a price, skyrocketing divorce etc.
To me anything that brings unmarried people to live together is not morally or biblically right though it may be socially acceptable.
It's extremely difficult to see someone you love or are romantically attracted to and you won't wanna touch in the middle of the night
Why do we deny what we know?
And just humbly flee from all appearance of evil and resist the devil and he will flee from us.
Every one is prone to errors and bad decisions but some people don't just give the devil a chance.
Live together only when married
Well, I don't support it. I lived with my now dh for 2yrs and we got married legally and traditionally last year. I have fertility issues and he's been aware. It feels like we v been married for long when our marriage is barely 6 months old because we have been in each other's faces for a while. He loves me though I ddnt wanna go through with the marriage thing cos I was already bored. But our parents intervened and I ended up marrying him. Now he's expecting kids and the pressure is much....... I wish I had followed my gut . Living together before marriage is all shades of wrong. God cannot be mocked!
ReplyDeleteSo how is living together before marriage now the cause of your fertility issue... Abi u don abort all your pikin finish from previous relationships
DeleteWell, I don't support it. I lived with my now dh for 2yrs and we got married legally and traditionally last year. I have fertility issues and he's been aware. It feels like we v been married for long when our marriage is barely 6 months old because we have been in each other's faces for a while. He loves me though I ddnt wanna go through with the marriage thing cos I was already bored. But our parents intervened and I ended up marrying him. Now he's expecting kids and the pressure is much....... I wish I had followed my gut . Living together before marriage is all shades of wrong. God cannot be mocked!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's ok to live with a who hasn't paid ur bride price.I know someone that moved in with a man and before u know it she has given birth to 3 children and the man still hasn't paid the bride price.
ReplyDeleteThis is a true life story a women gave birth to like 4 children and still the man didn't go to see her family at a point she started disturbing the man to come and meether parents, so the man asked her to go and inform her people that he is coming when she travelled back home the man ran away with the children by the time she came back from her villa she meet an empty house and she doesn't even know the man's village...
And in conclusion I don't think it's possible to leave with a man for years and no sex so it's advicable to wait until he pays for ur head
But she should know where he's from na. His friends, where does he work, his relatives, there should be a way to trace him.
DeleteMost of my aunties, that had kids for their dates are yet to do the marriage. In short, one of them after 4 kids. She decided to park back to her parents' house because she couldn't endure her husband's beating. The man seized the opportunity to rent out his apartment. This was after 17 years of dating and 12 years of co habiting. There was nothing she could do. Somehow, a miracle happened after two years, a man came paid her bride price and married her. She moved with her three kids to her new husband's home. Her first child is about 16 years(girl), her father asked her to stay with his mum. Now my aunt has a baby girl for her husband.
After dating my ex for about 6 years we decided to live together, then broke up after a year of living together. Towards the end we were more like flat mates! Do I regret the living together?..NO..I am glad we did it, it just made us realise we were not meant for each other after all.. We parted amicably and remained friends. I am today happily married to the right man. I am grateful to God..
ReplyDeleteHe is her common law husband. Yes they never actually had a ceremony but best believe that if they separate, oyinbo law will recognize her as his common law wife; they will acknowledge the years of her life and the energy she has invested in the relationship and deal accordingly. They are far ahead of us. Don't try her style in Naija sha o because your 15yrs will just go down the drain. You will not get shishi if he dies or he leaves.
ReplyDeleteThis one everybody don turn saint even the ones that lived with school boyfriends till they graduated not to mention the ones that pack bags and spend 2 weeks straight in a mans house. Hmm....(talking through my nose) me too, I can't live with any man that is not my husband oooo.
ReplyDeleteThat they did it doesn't make it right.
DeleteHehehe I tell you.
DeleteI know a blog visitor, that was my school mate forming saint here too coz I know her very well and her ID.
She cohabit that time ooooo, but dey form here now.....
I no dey take women serious, they can lie ehhhhhh, some go dey form best relationship outside and their husband dey deal with them for house!
One of viruses which consumes marriages is routine which leads to complacency. Couples need hardwork and commitment to keep things fresh in the marriage, which is no easy task. So why expedite the process by a premature live- in arrangement? It's important for women to keep men on their toes, if you take on "wifely" duties without the corresponding legal status upgrade, you run a high risk of making your man conceited and too comfortable with the arrangement and he may delay putting a ring on it because what's the point? He's got you where he wants you, effortlessly with no checks and balances.
ReplyDeleteA man may really love a woman but may be too scared of commitment, especially with the escalating divorce rate. Some men rush to get a woman locked down by marrying her because they don't want to lose her to another man. At the early stages of most conventional relationships, it's better for your partner to know you have options and you can take a walk if you need a break. After all he/she has no legal hold over you.
Apart from the obvious affront to most African traditions, the flames of the romance between live-in lovers tend to fizzle out before they tie the knot. So getting married now becomes obligatory or done out of pity so you aren't seen as a "waster". Instead of the euphoria you feel on your wedding day as you watch your love walk down the aisle or as you see his face light up as you walk towards him, it now becomes more of an " okay, so we finally did it, what next?" feeling, which is one of the worst ways to start a marriage. It may seem logical to have a live-in arrangement with your partner in order to have a preview of what your lives together will be like but in reality it doesn't always work that way. People tend to work harder to improve their relationships which has been bound by marriage because a lot will be at stake if the marriage fails. Of course, there are always exceptions but they are very few and far between.
Don't I just love you???
DeleteStella where is the Anon post now, bring something exciting abeg.
ReplyDeleteAnon 14:05 you better ar least do court marriage or common law! God forbid your "partner" died tomorrow, you are on your own o. You'll not be recognized as next of kin anywhere, whether Nigeria or where you are. His family members can decide to do his funeral without you and it will be well within their right. As for loving each other "so much", just forget that one o, even Pero had 3 kids for tu baba and sunbo 4, anything can happen tomorrow o.
ReplyDeleteAgain, why on earth would you choose to make your children bastards(check dictionary), when you could have chose not to? Whether you born hundred kids for him, you are still just a girl abi woman friend highest lover that donated eggs, nothing more. You're saying our house? Legally and traditionally sister, you're entitled to nothing! Maybe your children are but you, no. Even civilized countries still value marriage because they know the security it gives. Tomorrow you'll tell your daughters to just move in with any man they are a "relationship" with like their mother did. Madam, I'm telling you now o, don't say nobody warned you.
It happened to my mum's half sister in Wyoming, She was with the man 27 years and had 2 girls. They never got married. He passed away and that was when she knew the value of marriage. She wasn't allowed to make any decision on anything including funeral arrangements which she wasn't allowed to come for. A word is enough for the wise. You should be worried when something abnormal is running so smoothly, because the opposite effect usually hits like a tornado. Wear pyjamas and go and sign documents in court, even if it's common law. How did your parents even feel about it sef? Nawa, some people get mind. As long as you're not married, you are sitting with quarter nyansh in that man's house! You even mentioned God's grace, how ironic.
very funny, i personally used to condem people that live with their boyfriend before marriage, i used to say NEVER, until i found myself doing it, well for starters it makes the bond grow stronger, and if both of you know what you really want i dont think its an issue, i still hang out with my girls do my normal stuffs, we share the chores and have mutual respect for each other, and yea we get used to each other, i work and hes a biz person so we try to manage things and see how it can grow. hes ok with it cos he lived abroad most of his life so its not a biggie to him, i pray it works for me, as i have also seen it work for people same time he doesnt work for some. notin is perfect and yea NEVER SAY NEVER you might just find urself doing it.
ReplyDeleteIt is good at times but at times it isn't good. In Nigerian context it isn't a nice way to start because walking away might be difficult.
ReplyDeleteLiving together has both advantages and disadvantages. That it worked for A,may not be a guarantee that it'l work for B. I woudnt want to be judgemental but siince it's against what the bible preaches,i personally i'm against it.
ReplyDeleteI stay in a city where a couple can have all their children and when it's the turn of the daughter of the family to be married,they'll hastily have to pay the bride price of her mother. Its not right to me.
Recently,one of our customers lost her husband but the family didn't acknowledge she is the wife of the man because her brideprice wasn't paid in the 21yrs they were together. The obituary only wrote survived by the man's children and his other relatives omitting the wife( or I should say it's partner of 21yrs). They also served her papers to vacate the house and some other things.
Our customs and tradition frowns at it,the bible frowns so I don't think that i'd advice anyone I know to cohabit o. My #2.
am indifferent, what ever rocks your boat.
ReplyDeleteSo where are those ladies that send those chronicles?
ReplyDeleteLiars everywhere!!!
Hehehehe
DeleteEesah , but it is okay to commit fornication.
ReplyDeleteLiving together works for some and may not work for others. If i am dating an exposed white man and he ask me to move in with him, of course i will. If i am dating a Nigerian man and he ask me to move in with him, i will not be in a hurry.
When i was in my final year in university and a fetus, i moved in with my boyfriend and it was sweet and sour. Sweet because he is a complete gentleman and treated me like the king that i am, sour because i realized he has some "not so funny" habits and i felt like i am being suffocated and needed to see things. Living together will actually show you if you are ready to marry or not.
Since that relationship packed due to my constant feeling of being tied down and wanting to explore, i have not lived together with any dude. Visitation- Yes, Live together- no way.
My current Bae is begging me to move in with him. I am not done playing the field yet. Too many handsome dude where i am. Who hurry don help? He keeps telling me to stop wasting money on house rent. My mentality right now is, if i am going to spend the rest of my life with him then why hurry to move in.
Most of our grandparents actually lived together before their wedding. Some started living together after the bride-price was paid. I have nothing against people who try it.
Please stop with the "why buy the cow if the milk is free"
Women are not cows. If you are already giving him the booty or you are lusting after a girl in your heart, you are already committing fornication.
My advice...don't move in with a Nigerian man or black American man. Before you move in with either, make sure he performs all three legs of marriage.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Wetin no good no good.
ReplyDeleteIt worked for me we r a year in marriage lived together for 8 months. We had just started dating 2 months into the relationship when he was transfered out to work in another state. He asked me to move in with him so as not to loose the relationship. 3 months later he came to see my family officially for introduction five months later we got married. It had it flip side though because we were already living together after marriage it looked the same. U no the usual euphoria that comes with moving in as a wife that 1 was lost and I did wish 4 it. We still happy.
ReplyDeleteAnon 14:05 madam go marry o! This was how my mum did till my dad passed. She saw pepper! Mind you, they were together 32 years. Please, please and please, go and at least do court marriage. Marriage is important o, no matter where you're. Forget the amount of children you have. In the eyes of God, the law, customs and tradition, you guys are expert fornicators o, nothing more. He is your partner only in your head. Nobody else acknowledges it. As a Naija man, I'm sure he would want to retire and come to Nig, anything can happen. Even gays want to get married because they know the security it brings. Brad and Angelina eventually got married after 9 years and 6kids together. This man has done right by you and asked you to marry him, more than once. Madam don't let him turn round and say in future "after all I asked you more than once and you said no". Madam go marry o, do anyone, court, traditional, church, even parlour but go and marry. My mama suffered o, if only she knew. You're just a live in lover o, if he dies now or has an accident, they would require a family member or relative and you're none! I have read comments and people have talked. Please heed the advise madam. Do the right thing for God and your kids. That man can wake up tomorrow and walk out on you freely and nobody on this earth would fault him, after all he asked you to marry him and you refused. Sister, you are just a baby mama. Don't give the devil room for chronicles!
ReplyDeleteBabe, your head is there!
DeleteShut up, then you b illiterate, she said their properties are in their children's name, which means if any of them dies, the children owns the property, and definitely the other one alive will b the one to oversee the investments.
DeleteUr father no get will? Abi whose name was in the properties they had?
Even people will their properties to non family members....
My mum and dad are not married but they are joint owners of all properties and businesses, with we children as next of kin, so if anyone of them dies today, no goat can lay claim to them or send anybody packing...
I dnt want to get married but tow the path of my parents because marriage is boring, the fun and excitement in relationships is far better than marriage, the thrill of impressing your partner diminises after marriage...
Though it might not work for everyone, because when my parents met, my Dad can't even afford 3 square meal, and my mum's parents rejected him, my Dad was lucky to meet an old school well to do friend which turn things around for him.
Now, we live comfortably, with flourishing businesses and properties around Nigeria...
True..
DeleteGood one,he that has ears let him hear.
DeleteNigerians can sabi lie eeehhh, see everybody forming saint.....
ReplyDeleteChai...
I will tell you for free that most people here have cohabited with their man, abi no b this Nigeria all of us dey?
In the university that I attended, 3 out of 5 ladies cohabit with their boyfriends so why all this forming...
Now to the issue, I dnt see anything wrong is living with your boyfriend/girlfriend, as far as you know your partner and also know what you are doing.
Everything has both advantages and disadvantages, cohabiting will give you the opportunity to know who you intended getting married to, living apart and dating will not give you a comprehensive clue of how your partner behaves, some people can pretend alot, but if you leave together for sometimes, u will b able to see the real person.
some people are saying, if you live together, what will b left to explore after marriage, but they forget that, even when you married, after few years you would have finished exploring and if u ain't committed, the feeling will still fizzle out...
Am a man, and I cannot and will never marry any lady I dnt stay at least 3months with.
you will b able to know the kind of calls she receives, the kind of friends she has, decode if she is a cheat, or a runs girl.... and many other things.... I can cohabit without sex if we both agree....
Its very important men cohabit because the mind of women is very deap and they can lie a lot. forget about this SDK hypocrites who come here to form angels.
Its not good, see finish things. What if they end up not marrying nko?
ReplyDeleteThe temptation is more when you live together but i think couples should actually live together before marriage, that way you know what you are getting into for real and make up your mind. Why do some marriages crash after 3 or 7 months? If they had probably lived together for 3months before marriage,they'd probably have had a broken engagement and not a broken marriage.
ReplyDeleteAnd YES, you can live together without sex, I believe one cam!
I lived with my ex boyfriend but we never got married. He pushed for us to live together since he was already going to marry me little did I know that the dude was busy paying bride price for someone else. He kicked me out in -32degrees Celsius and I had no where to go to. He rubbished my name, didn't want any guy coming close to me. He said "unless I beg him, then he can't marry me". Nna, how does one beg a man to marry her? Then tomorrow he would use it against me, Biko my armpits are clean. He got married December last year(white) but he did his traditional wedding in 2014 less than a year after we broke up and he came back 3weeks ago (after 2.5yrs of trying to make life miserable for me) begging for my forgiveness, wanting to be friends and claiming he is still in love with me. Told him I can't be friends with such a deceitful person. Who knows what evil he has planned for me. What I am trying to say is that "IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA, one would only get BURNT".
ReplyDeleteIts not d best to move in with a guy. I did that once and it was my biggest tragedy. However, I kinda dont regret it tho cos I would have married the wrong guy. If you must move-in with a man, ensure u have your own place. That way, u can return to ur own house when u guys quarrel and the man wont feel like you dont have an option.
ReplyDeleteIn support 10/10 I liv with my patner at the moment n its helped me understand more bout him.
ReplyDelete