Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

What!!!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

MADE WORTHLESS,HOPELESS AND CLUELESS BY RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY

Thank you Stella for the good works you are doing in the lives of poor humanity. It took me  couple of months to summon courage to share my problems and finally seek for help. Please forgive me for the long epistle and grammatical errors.

During my university days, I felt God was calling me for a higher call and the zeal to serve in my 'Father's' houses was burning like harmattan fire. As a good Catholic girl i made  up my mind to join a religious congregation which has always been my desires as a child. This made me to reject many tangible toasters and suitors, i focused on my goal.

 Immediately, after my NYSC I joined one that I felt was good for me, my family could not understand my reasons for joining because according to them it was sudden but after some persuasion from me and the Srs, I was allowed. The Srs I met and spent time with in Nigeria were loving, infact an example of what religious life should be. 

We were 10 that joined in Nigeria and we were taken to one east African countries to continue our formation and to join others from different parts of Africa to live and experience community life. Our formator was a Kenyan who could not hide her personal hatred for Nigerians. 

she was quick to take sides when disagreement erupted in the community, we Nigerians were subjected to unbearable humiliations, psychological and verbal abuses ,The Kenyans were practically untouchables! 

Personally, joining at 27 and being the only graduate in the whole group, was tough for me. What I expected, was not what I got. I expected a family where all are treated and love alike even if there is a preference, it should not be made public because even a mother does not love all her children equal. One by one the Nigerians left and I remained the only Nigerian in the group! 

Comments like 'Nigerians are stupid', 'Nigerians are proud', 'Nigerians are behaving as if they are the richest in the whole world', 'any university graduate joining convent is frustrated in life' started getting to me. My cheerful self changed to something else, I tried to motivate myself but I couldn't. I tried to talk to the formator about what I was going through but she shut me up.

 In my heart, I knew i was fed up but didn't know how to break the news to my family. One day, I was called to the office around 4pm that I had 6hours to pack my things and leave for Nigeria as I was not needed in the congregation... just like that without any pre information. I felt used and worthless .

After I gave God myself for 3years in his vineyard,he gave me 6hours to leave his house. 

I cried for my wasted years, for missed opportunities, I came back home penniless ,only 5k for airport taxi was given to me but i was welcomed well by my family but its  like everybody had moved on and I remained in the same position. Things had changed for everyone except for me, my friends and suitors are all married, some moved to other states. My younger sister moved to Europe after her Master's degree.

 My problems now are: 

1. I have tried to join another congregation with formation in Nigeria, all I have tried refused to accept me or even listen to my story. Reasons: religious congregations don't encourage leaving one and joining another, all what I get from them is 'you should have persevered' 

2. I find it difficult to attend mass without what I went through flashing back my mind which normally brings tears to my eyes which is a source of embarrassment to me. 

3. I want to forget about religious life totally, so I tried making friends both male and female, settling down with a good husband but yet to find one. I have tried internet dating, but didn't succeed. Sometimes, I wonder if God wants me to remain single, lonely and sad, why he has refused to bring a man in my life. 

4. I am kobo-less, jobless and in search of work to do but I can't find any due to economic situation of our country. Now, I'm hopeless and worthless and clueless of what to do with my life!!!! I wish death can come and take me away from all  these.........

*I am sure you will be talked to by the preachers here.too shocked at this narrative cos i didnt know Nuns could be thrown out just like that.