Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Na wah abeg!

NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE

RELATIONSHIP STATUS?....IT'S COMPLICATED!

Hello Stella and everyone.

I met a guy through Facebook a year ago. He was one of the random people I added on there and since 2011, we never talked until last year when he messaged me. I don't reply messages unless it's someone I know or if it is a random person, the way he/she starts a conversation would determine whether or not I want to keep chatting with him/her. This guy started the conversation alright so I replied and we have been talking since then. I live in North America and he's doing his master's in Europe. 

During the course of our conversations, he was upfront that he wants to get married and he would like to marry me and that his spirit directed him to message me because I asked why he chose me out of all his friends. I said okay and wouldn't mind but we have to see in person before I decide.

Along the line, I found we had a different school of thought, how we saw life, amongst other things. I noticed from the beginning that his English wasn't sound enough. He grew up in Ondo state and he likes to speak pidgin and Yoruba a lot which I'm not a fan of at all. I speak Yoruba here and there but not in all entirety. Then he talks childish too. He is 32 years old while I'm two years younger. Given that I'm seeing this person as someone I could possibly get married to someday, I correct him on his pronunciations and asked that he spoke English more often.

So it was time to visit, I asked him to buy tickets but he was giving me stories; that I should understand he's a student, that I should please buy the ticket and he would give me something when we saw. In my mind, I'm like does this guy think I'm stupid. I actually wouldn't have minded supposedly it was someone I've been dating for long and know he is forthcoming but in this situation, I'm working and I can afford it but this guy is already giving me excuses yet he wants to get married. 

He said he'll get me pregnant when I come and I just laughed and said I wasn't coming anymore. Eventually, we agreed each of us would pay half because I told my mentor and he said I should just do it since he has begged me. I took two weeks off work and I went but it was the worst decision of my life.

He made no real preparations. We took the train from airport and there was no food in the house. It was all just uncomfortable. And did I mention he loves to argue? OMG! 

The next day I got there, I was still sleeping around 9am because of the time difference and I had not slept for two days (lost my cousin few days before the trip). While I was asleep,  I just heard someone banging the door, banging pots, in an attempt to forcefully wake me up. So I got up, prayed and asked if he didn't want me to sleep (we argued until midnight the previous day). Then he asked if my mates were still in bed by that time, and shouldn't I have woken up to cook and clean the house we lived in. I was like which house, am I your wife? 

I told this guy I had not slept for two days, even if I was his wife, wouldn't I rest? It ensued into a big argument that he started raising his voice and I raised mine.

I called the airline to book a ticket to go back home. Then he called my mom to beg me and he apologized to me but that really broke my spirit. All I basically did through out my stay was just cooking. Nothing romantic, no fun. I barely spoke to him because he started to really irritate me and I did not let him hug me let alone do what he thought would happen.

I travelled back and I swore I was done but he begged me, he promised to change but it's been one argument or the other since last summer I visited. He's a God fearing guy and ambitious which are the only two things that endears me to him but I told him being those alone is not enough. He needs to move with time. He needs to understand that he can't bring Nigeria mentality into Western world. When in Rome, you behave like a Roman. He's too backwards in thinking and I'm the spontaneous, fun loving, adventurous type. He says I am not oyinbo so I should stop forming and speak and behave like the Yoruba that I am. 

He always emphasizes on biblical women, their role and women now refuse to see themselves as slaves to men, reason there's high rate in divorce especially in the Western world.

I've only dated two guys and they were older than me. I like older guys because I'm the type who likes to have my man as my head; even when I know my idea is right, I still run it by my man and listen to his suggestions because he's a smart guy. I can say I take my man's opinion 85% of the time because I know how 'manly' it makes them feel knowing their girl listens to them. So it has made me really mature and smarter. 

The first guy I dated didn't work out because he was Ibo and his mother said no. The other was ready to get married while I wasn't mentally ready but now that I'm ready, I met someone who is my polar opposite.

My questions are, he's saying we should work things out, that I need to change. He says I don't respect him, that I complain about his pronunciation and somethings that are not relevant but deep down I know it's because of how childish he talks and I get pissed off easily. I want to submit but I just fear that I may be making decisions on my own which I don't want. His idea of marriage is to have kids, cook and clean but it goes beyond that for me. I like goofy, I like weird in a funny way. I don't like someone who sits on Facebook all the damn time sharing 'what a father said to his daughter on her wedding day' or posting irrelevant things.

 He's the type to put on facebook 'iraq loading'. I'm not that type. I travel a lot but you can't find me uploading on social media. He believes in 'friends' a lot. I told him it's okay to have friends but not too many. My sister said its because he has no experience of life and that he would change but can someone like him change for better?

Also if we eventually get married, will a union between a more mature lady work with a less matured man because I know I'm smarter than he is? Should I just let go and hope God will provide someone who would match me? 

I'm too busy with work and school so it's hard to pay much attention to guys but I'll do it if I have to.

Thank you.

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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
GETTING MARRIED IN THE CHURCH

Dear Stella,

   I got married traditionally in 2009 December and we were suppose to

do the white wedding in April 2010,but in March my hubby had a NEAR fatal

accident that almost got him paralysed.we thank God he can walk now but

there is still iron inside his leg.                     

We now have three children now but the problem now is that he has not made up his mind for the church blessings.we are catholic,so before we could

baptise our child last year,the priest asked us to go for wedding

course and pick a date before he would baptise our child.we completed

the wedding course and we picked april this year.   

       

 Last month,i reminded my hubby  of the wedding and he told me dat he is not

yet ready and dat his friends have not done theirs and that

nowadays,how many people does white wedding again.i am confused right

now and it seems he had made up his mind.      

           

Please Stella and fellow Bvs,how do i get my husband to get church blessing or is bride price only enough or am i bothering myself for nothing?money is

not an issue because we just moved into our new home.

                      Thanks and God bless.