Addictive Relationships.....

Time for the Couch session...you need to learn a thing or two about the above heading....

Love addiction is a desperate need to be with a person. It’s a need that overwhelms everything else going on in your life....are you in this situation?

''Dear Stella,

I have been stuck in self worthlessness and rejection. Since my supposed girlfriend played me hard,

The funniest thing is that i was initially the tough one, because i was never interested. Till i couldn't separated my self from her, thoughts of her filled my head. I became obsessed with her.

For 5 months now i have being taking my time to study myself and learn how to adjust my mindset, in other to break my addiction to her.

which includes "My Dear Diary Moments". I wrote down every feeling and observation during my healing process. 

I decided to attached part of it send it to you after reading today's narrative. Please kindly share it with my fellow Bvs.

I Hope It Helps Someone Out there.

BLOG ID: Didy Alexander.

Thank You.

ARE YOU IN AN ADDICTIVE RELATIONSHIP?

Love addiction is a desperate need to be with a person. It’s a need that overwhelms everything else going on in your life.

• Love at first sight – feels like they’ve known this person for a long time – they seem familiar.
• Going quickly into the relationship without taking the time to establish common values, goals or to build trust.
• Intense bonding and sexual activity – fuelling feelings of being ecstatic and high.
• Wanting to be together every waking moment.
• Neglecting friends, family and themselves to be with this person (i.e. stop doing the things they used to like to do).
• Continuously fantasize about the love object.
• Early declarations of love and commitment.
• First fight – often a bad one – where they discover their lover is not the person they thought they were.
  Partner withdraws – time, attention, affection, sex, acts cold, critical, etc.
• The love addict starts to panic as feelings of unbearable loneliness, unlovability /unworthiness get triggered – rather than feeling annoyed with partner for mistreating them.
• Love addict begs, pleads, sell themselves short in a frantic effort to reconnect with partner.
• Partner either ends contact, or may come back, often with the agenda that they will continue if the addicted person ‘shapes up’. But this is a false promise, as this sort of partner’s goal is control, not the desire for a healthy relationship.
• If partner returns, romance starts all over again.
• Next fight, often shortly after reuniting.
• Distancing by partner and anxious pursuit by addict resumes.

STEP OUT OF THE BOX…

• Admit you are in pain, and that relationships tend to feel bad more often than good.
• Understand that real love doesn’t hurt. Real love makes you feel valued, cared for and stronger about yourself. Perhaps you don’t recognize real love, or it feels uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, just unfamiliar.
• Back away from compulsive, painful relationships and give yourself a chance to heal and learn how to identify real love.
• Accept that obsession is not the same thing as love. You may feel temporary relief while caught up in your obsession. But like a drug, you need that fix over and over again to try to overcome feelings of emptiness, and prove to yourself that you are lovable or adequate.
• Recognize irrational beliefs or fears that can sabotage you and keep you hooked.  For example, believing that you can’t cope with anxiety, loneliness or sadness being on your own.  Addictive relationships by their very nature make people more vulnerable to experiencing painful emotions and negative beliefs as compulsive relationship dynamics are in themselves invalidating.
• Once you start to pull back and learn to understand and manage your thoughts and emotions better – from the inside out – you will gradually begin to feel your confidence grow. You may feel worse at the outset rather than better. Hang in there and give yourself a chance to develop your strength.
• Know your triggers – Usually feelings of unlovability or unworthiness to receive love, and believing that you can only be restored to wholeness in a love relationship. If you feel high in the presence of the person you are obsessed about, and panicked when you are apart, this is a sign that addictive relationship dynamics have been triggered.
• If you feel overly attracted to someone very quickly, pull back. This is a warning sign that a ‘negative love map’ might have been retriggered.
• Make a point of learning healthy coping strategies to deal with negative beliefs and emotions.
• Get group support with others in recovery.

Above all, reach for a higher power. Do you believe in God? Now is the time to deepen your spiritual relationship. Have you tried meditation or prayer? 

A strong sense of spirituality will connect you to greater purpose and power. Which can comfort and guide you when you have no energy to get dressed, go to work, and face the day? Both meditation and prayer have been found helpful to reduce stress, increase feelings of well-being, offer relaxation, reduced depression and increase self-confidence and self-love.

Lastly, the funny thing about trying to break your ADDICTION is that just when you feel you are beginning to recover… BOOM!!!! They CALL, TEXT, Trying to get back together with you.