Time to sit and discuss an issue that will blow your mind away,get you praying,get you angry or simply entertain you....
''Is it better for a woman in a childless marriage to go out and get pregnant or is it better to leave the marriage when she notices her partner has fertility issues and shoots only blank?
Note that she is not planning to commit adultery because she wants to, but to protect her marriage''....
This question was posed to me and I do not have an answer for it so i brought it here..The asker will be reading your interactive mature contributions...
If Ur. Hubby is infertile plz divorce him if u cant manage his condition and move on.
ReplyDeleteShe should get a sperm donor. They don't have yo have sex...its unfortunate that we live in a mans world and no man would stand his wife having sex with another man no natter how genuine the cause is...wish u all d best
DeleteThis is a serious issue, i love children. I don't even know what to do. Infact i reject such thing in my life coz i may go outside and get preg or even divorce my husband.
DeleteShe should stay put.......is 4 better 4 worst after all that's what we advise our men here.
DeleteThey should find a solution to it 2geda either get a sperm donor or better still adopt
Its not easy to be in a childless marriage
DeleteGod knew/knows I can't bear it and that's why He showed me MERCY!!! But the problem with most men and women is that they are ashamed to seek for help.But I can agree to sperm donor since my husband na better man**(God forbid sha)
GOD SHOW SOME BVS MERCY...WHO ALWAYS WET THEIR PILLOWS AT NIGHT COS OF INFERTILITY!AMEN
Divorce kee. ..you signed the dotted lines. For better for worse. So please explore your options, the world has gone nuclear that getting a baby is one of the things that is handy now. Adoption, sperm donor, ivf(test tube baby).
DeleteStick together and figure it out. And men, I hope you do the same if your wife happens to be the infertility one.
Thank you Ada-nne, u just said my mind...
DeleteAdopt or get a sperm donor and sharperly go for an IVF. Just save about N1,500, 000
DeleteAdanne said it all.Technology has made things easy.go for IVF or get a good gynaecologist who will prescribe drugs for you.and above all pray there is nothing impossible for God to do
DeleteWhether the child comes from inside or outside, it doesn't matter.. Children are blessings from God.
ReplyDeleteIf its coming from outside, the way it was achieved matters my dear. Adoption? Good! Adultery? Nay! Its like going out to rob people of their belongings n then take part of the proceeds from it to church as tithe.
DeletePlease and pls adultery is adultery no new way of modifying it biko.
DeleteIf u find out ur partner has issues n u stil love him u cn choose to adopt a child bt wen it come to going out to gt preggy pls dts is plain adultery
Once I get married. My body would belong to only my husband and none other.
ReplyDeleteIf he is not fertile then we would explore other options like adoption or IVF or any other thing that don't involve another man climbing me.
There is more to marriage than children and of course we all want a child of our own but what's most important is having a child you can call your own and love no matter how that child was got (please don't misinterpret this and ask me silly questions as usual).
And I won't leave my man over it unless he knew before we got married and concealed it from me.
But then it's something I should have found out if we had taken all the necessary tests before the wedding proper.
You just typed what I wanted to type!! Totally agree with you.
DeleteI agree with you.
DeleteSo right Dopp,my body i s my hubby's alone and tnk God am blessed wt kids else,I wouldn't tink of looking else whr no matter what.It's 4 better for worse had it been no kids,I would hv searched for other options than allowing another man into me
DeleteGod forbid,It's a sacrilage (awuah) in Edo land
God bless u.
DeleteSo right!
DeleteWell said dear
Delete@doppelganger what if he knows before the wedding but concealed it cos he doesn't wanna loose you?would you still walk away?
DeleteYes @Sexy Diva, I'm not dopp
DeleteNo comment
ReplyDeleteMake I perch here wt my guguru ati epa.
DeleteEnd time couch
ReplyDeleteEnd time you
DeleteEnd time one trillion
Delete@Roseberry Endtime stealing of name
DeleteShe Should divorce and remarry than committing adultery. These men aren't loyal. They would nag and cajole you into bringing another man's baby home, and after that, the marriage will know no peace.
ReplyDeleteCommon body-count they manage to know from the silly girls that open their basket mouth to spill, they will use it to haunt you at every given opportunity; not to mention this one.
I can't even try that. And most of them know they've got fertility issues, but will never say the truth, rather they will join forces with their families to nag the innocent wife.
That's how he will support her to bring in another man's baby home but will always remember the circumstance surrounding the child's conception and won't want to even carry the baby, taunting the mother at every given opportunity with it. Trust will just vanish from that home. God forbid bad thing.
DeleteHe might even say he has repented and now born again and that the woman shld take d kids back to their rightful father(s).
DeleteReading comments today
ReplyDeleteODE
DeleteAs if u have any meaningful tin 2 comment about
Jobless ideato .......how market?
DeleteRead your bible. The answer is there... Start from Genesis, before you get to revelations you will see the answer
ReplyDeleteKikikikiki 😁😁
DeleteI hear you...
DeleteThey should consider other options like adoption.
ReplyDeleteGod hates divorce and adultery
What happened to Icsi and TESE in case of male issues? Even azoopermia can be cured n taken further with TESE n ivf. If money full ground, there are very advanced treatments. Unless she just wanna zoom.
ReplyDeleteYou this bb you sabi.when there is ICSI wetin we dey talk.make God give us money
Deletethere is song that says God's office is just down the road!meaning when you let go that is ONLY when God steps in!until then,its ur bondage because you have allowed it to be so!
ReplyDeleteU r right. But I have seen issues where God didnt step the way we expect. I know couples that waited for 20 years after trying all their finances could carry and putting all hope in God, and still childless till one of them died. Also heard of peiple that waited on God and got their child. Nobody prays to be that couple that waited twenty years with no child to show, but it still happens to some people.
DeleteThe issue about protecting her marriage by bringing in a child from a sinful act into her home even if it is supported by her husband is not right. What is wrong, is wrong.
ReplyDeleteAdoption (if the couple can't afford IVF) is still a better option cos that can be a blessing (God can see her kind heart and bless them with their own baby) but going against God to protect your marriage cant be right. Besides, her hubby's condition can be treated medically. Its all about being patient.
Prayer cannot be over-emphasized too. I believe in miracles.
Marriage is not meant for children but for companionship, friendship and laughter children are the blessings of God and fruits of a marriage.
ReplyDeleteFirst, did her partner tell her he was sterile, was he aware and hid it from her?? Did he find out of his condition in the marriage. Theseare questions that need answers.
Will her husband allow her bring another mans child home and nurse it as his??? The ultimate decision lies in the hands of the woman. Whatever choice she makes will definitely hsve consequences
732 comment 2016
This is were maturity comes into play, marriage is not beans, patience, spontaneous decision making, tolerance...etc is really required to keep it afloat.
ReplyDeleteGoing by ur vows, its for better for worse, so why should the thought of backing out come into discussion when domestic violence or infidelity isn't involved?
The couple faced wit such challenge should come find a ommon ground & alternative, either to adopt or patronize the sperm bank.
Stella this your question, will it bring back fuel. I need fuel like kilode
ReplyDeleteCome naa, make we go break pipeline for gokana.
DeleteThe woman should stay put with her husband no matter his fertility issue. Why not try ivf or even adopt a child? Sleeping around is not the best option.
ReplyDeleteEasier said... A woman should not pray to be in that situation as you might find out that even if bit is not your fault, there is no husband to stay with
DeleteWhat happened to for better for worse?
ReplyDeleteIf the couple happen to be Christians which is the perspective I'm looking at this from, when you are married to someone, you get the full package (good/bad). The bible only supports divorce when it's got to do with infidelity.
But looking at this from the 'worldly aspect' which we now take as the norm, I think the woman would rather get a divorce and move on with someone else.
I don't pray for anyone to have fertility issues, not even my enemies but, the bible is the bible and we should stand by it. For better for worse, the vow you took, what were you thinking the worse could be?MIL issues? You must be kidding me.
It happened to some1 close to me trust me d husband later became something else at the end the marriage crashed,wat am trying to say in essence is that don't do it n if u must sleep with another man for the sake of babies let ur husband's family n ur family b a signatory to this agreement if not artificial insemination.
ReplyDeleteThe word, 'notices' caught my eye. So, I'm assuming that you made the observation yourself, and a specialist has not been visited.
ReplyDeleteNow,why don't you both go see a doctor, and find out if there is any remedy to this sorry situation?
If there is little that can be done, then, there are other options, which include IVF and adoption.
If you can't take any of these options, then, you have to consider a divorce,but strictly as a last option , because it's ten times better than going out there and getting pregnant by another man, then making your husband believe it's his. That's a lot of trouble you don't want to get into.
For you to allow it thrown to the house, means that you have doubts about it, and obviously, a conscience, which I'm thinking will not allow you live in peace, it you take this route.
This excuse of committing adultery to protect your marriage, is contradictory, and doesn't make sense in any way.
I mean, it's all shades of wrong.
You'll be alright.
#WhiteDiamondOut
My Dear, there is Donor Sperm everywhere....., you don't need to commit adultery
DeleteThe major reason God instituted marriage is for companionship before conception.
ReplyDeleteEven though I understand as human we wish and expect to have babies once we are married.
Anyways to the question above, I will say, why should one commit adultery and expect God to bless that marriage? IMO, this is a subjective matter as some people might rather remain as couple and adopt as many kids as they want knowing fully well that it doesn't necessarily take a sperm/ egg donor to parent a child.
While some will seek out other medical pathway others might divorce and remarry.
Make I sit down for couch...mbok
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard question oh!make I book space for commenting reading today
ReplyDeleteTo me the woman should seek for divorce because women have shorter time unlike men. More over if it were to be the woman that is having such issues, the man will waiste no time in cheating on her by having families else where, let me gist u pple a short story, that was how let me call it a frnd, was married for close to 22yrs without a child and this man was cheating on d wife outside o with other ladies but neva let dem knew he is seriously in need of a child if not trust our Nigerian ladies not until himself and the wife was having a serious quarel and he called him an impotent man that word really touched dis man so much that he made up his mind to look for a child outside, probably he was having sex protected before, not up to two months, himself and the wife had that qaurel, a lady (ie his outside gf) got pregnant for him, as I type now, they are both happily married with three beautiful kids why he repectfully divorced that his first wife. Meaning the wife was the one with the issue and regreted her statement to the husband when she found out some1 else was already preganant with the husband's child. Make I gist una another one??? Ahahahaha they plenty oo
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteOver to the married ones
Abeg the woman should visit a sperm bank.
ReplyDeleteBut Stella, if I remember clearly, you were in support of a husband with an infertile wife getting a woman outside to have his kids but now the roles have been reversed, you don't know what to say.
You take style be chauvinist abi is it because your kids are boys?
Go out side and get as many children possible and take the secret with you to your grave... If you were the one with fertility issues you think your husband will be staring at you like a Samsung flat screen abi??? Forget all these hypocrites giving you rubbish advice.. Its easy for them to do so because they are not in your shoes!
ReplyDeleteTough one oo
ReplyDeleteShe should go for adoption or patronize a sperm bank(thanks to technology) with the husbands permission. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteIf he was aware of his situation before marriage and kept it from you.............follow Quicksilver's advice.
ReplyDeleteIf it is an issue that came up in the marriage............Wait on God and explore othermedical options luke IVF if you can afford it........ i will never support sperm donors. Adoption is a way out too if properly done and, if you guys are liberal.
Never step out to get another man's baby for your hubby pls........... The disgrace is a certainty....... and if his fertility issue heals........ you are out of the house! Use your head. No man desrves such silly and expensive sacrifice............ worse if.......a Nigerian man........tufiakwa.
It happened to a good friend of mine. Her hubby had fertility issues and was a heavy drinker and smoked like a chimney. Every time he would go for treatment, they would ask that he stayed of cigarettes and alcohol for maybe 6 months at a time. He never made it past 3 months. He also never admitted to his folks that he was the one with fertility issues. My friend was scorned by her in laws and she never revealed the truth no matter how badly she was treated. In the end she realized that her hubby was not ready to get help and she was reaching 40. She left him after 8 years of marriage. She has a kid now but no one knows who the father of the child is. I guess she became so desperate for a child she lost her morals along the way.
ReplyDeleteI know the value and the joy kids bring into a marriage and for any family out there going through this struggle, the Lord is with you.
I fink a sperm bank or adoption is a gud option. I love kids,, wherever, whenever, however. They r truly blessings from God
ReplyDeleteAdoption is not an option. If it was the girl with fertility issues, will the man adopt? He either agrees to me getting pregnant from other men or I divorce him and marry a fertile man. It is my God given right to have my own babies, my flesh and blood! Don't let anybody advice you otherwise!
ReplyDeleteMmmmh, L.... is that you? You have waited for too long! He has unfairly wasted your time for too long! All those wasted years! You need to start having your babies now. You are getting very close to that age. He has been lying to everybody all these years and you kept quiet, covering up for him, letting everyone think you are the one with fertility problem! That's so unfair! I'm too angry to continue typing, smh, what rubbish.
Hmmm, read all comments. A case like dis is similar to mine . The doctor advised we do IUI. We did it n God took control. We have our twins now.My advice for d woman is she n her hubby shld visit a very gud hospital n proceed with the IUI.It is mostly for men who ve very very low sperm count. By the way , it is not only d woman dat will ve delay in child birth ,doctors have said dat men too r also affected due to d fact of what dey consume, drink, smoke n having different partners.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteStella if it was the other way round nko? Smh
ReplyDeleteIf she cant stay put and wait on God then,divorce is a better option than adultery because what ever the reason..adultery has only one name which is ADULTERY
ReplyDeleteWith God all things are possible.
ReplyDeleteIf she cant be patient and wait on God then,Divorce is a better option to adultery coz at d end,Adultery still remains ADULTERY
ReplyDeleteIt is best that both party adopt a child than divorcing or getting a child from another dick. My priest said all women are not destined to give birth (Na him talk am not me).
ReplyDeleteLook at it from all angles - Adultery is a sin, divorce is a sin (for better for worse) Why won't a man and a woman test before marrying? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Let me save it for another time.
Hmmm..dis topic is so close to my heart. Hubby had the same issue & i stylishly asked him if i get pregnant outside. He said will accept it if its Gods will. I cant wait anylonger. Im 35 now. I hav to try outside. Dont judge unless you re in my shoes. thanks
ReplyDeleteSweetheart do it and dont look back... I did the same thing and i have 3 kids today... Pick a man that has similar features with your husband and do the needful... It's when you tell hypocrites in the world your secret that they will know...
DeleteIt is well..
DeleteI am in your shoes, and I still say it's the wrong thing to do. You are leaving yourself open for possible problem in the future. You are listening to pillow talk. What if after getting pregnant from outside and having the baby, your husband changes his mind? Are you going to throw the child away? By that time your name will turn to ashawo and no one will believe that your husband ever agreed to it. It took me 3yrs to convince my hubby to go for tests at the IFPF(International Family Planning Foundation) Hospital at Maryland, Lagos. His results were so bad that he was practically shooting blanks. It took another 3yrs for him to agree to the treatment. Never allow the devil sway you into doing the wrong thing as a solution for problems.
DeleteThis is a very dicey situation; A man sterile and the wife needs a child. The scenario one finds herself will determine the next action;
ReplyDeletea) A man finding out he has an issue can get his wife's attention and they decide what step to take next; IVF or Adoption
b) Some men find out and pretend that they are not bothered... The wife is insulted day in or day out and the man does nothing to protect the woman.
c) Some men finds out and refuses an IVF or Adoption..., doing nothing about it saying that God will do it at the right time.... God will surely do it but what part is HE playing to ensure that all goes well.. Nothing.
d) Some Men finds out and the next thing is sleeping around town with little girls to get them pregnant and if after sometime nothing happens, they force the little girls out to get pregnant for them.. promising the girl the good things of life.. What is the objective, to mock the wife and insure that the blame is not on him... meanwhile he is nursing someone else's child
There is no straight cut to the resolution of this issue... it depends on the scenario you find yourself..., there is no need swearing that you can never do this or that....
Just pray that you never get into such situation...., it is a shameful reproach..
my pple,dis is a tough one.its not easy especially when the woman is fine.The truth is if your conscience can take it.biko go ahead,there's nothing like ur own blood.all those pple wey dey run deir mouth saying divorce abeg no mind dem oh.u can also adopt if u dont mind but believe me if its d oder way round,the guy will go outside n do d needful.forget oh!I dun see am life.may God help all the couples TTC.
ReplyDeletehmm..im in dis situation and im 34,being married for six yrs,my dh says adopt or use donor.now my question is what if d donor has traces of madness or sumtin evil in deir lineage.cos its sumone I wont even meet,I don't know from Adam.odikwa very very risky.I ve done ivf twice and oga says hes not dashing clinic mney again.im seriously considering asking my ex to help me.and be ready to bear the consequences.im not willing to use donor wey I no sabi or adopt wen deres nothing wrong with me.dats my take.its not the best but wen u r desperate,u do unimaginable things.
ReplyDeleteSee this woman trying to build fire she wont be able to quench! You are considering your ex?? Your decision will come to bite you in the ass when he comes to claim his child one day!
DeleteMy dear,I did it oo. except dat i found out during dating dat my now DH was infertile. though he didnt tel me himself, I suspected bcs I neva got pregnat fr him. But he was jst too good to let go being dat he is nice,kind, jovial etc. but e no too get money sha. as marrriage time reach, i had to do de needful. i have three lovely kids frm my ex but it was 2yrs ago I told my hubby they aren't his. it shook him for like a week but den he became himself again. deleted it frm his brains and loves de kids like mad. and guess wat? two of my kids look like DH bcs he has similar features wit my ex. so dear save ur self
ReplyDelete