Sunday In House Gists

Saturday In House gists was freestyle....today is different but you can add your freestyle if you want to...A winner will be chosen at the appropriate time.

GIST ONE
OWU NA BASTARD

Unaaa well done ooo. I just come here to yarn my tori jejely dey go. I be Nigerian student for one of this university like that for Ghana...and d situation of the 9ja economy don dey show for me and my colleagues body, no be small matter o. When we change naira to cedis e go b small change.

 Na im one day as hunger dey strike me I just see my guy wey roger me 2 cedis say make I use am chop...choi na Im I carry joy commot for hostel go find garri sugar and groundnut to buy.  

As I dey stroll come back the blow whistle wit my mouth na Im I see this fowl wey just they look nylon wey I carry for hand oo...chineke, wetin they hapoen , I just bone am say may I dey go my own..na Im the fowl just rush me chuk nylon wey I hold, burst garri  for floor begin they chop am...chai...my head nearly burst...people come they look me and the fowl, if I say make I kill am, e fit turn police case. I just use shame pick my groundnut and sugar dey go hostel...till today if I see that fowl I still recognise am....owu na bastard o...this Buhari regime ehn. Na God go help person o...

I don sign out ..Heymeykar™

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GIST TWO

NETWORK NEWS

hi Stella of life. It all happened few years back when I was still an undergraduate. I grew up in a house where it was a crime for you to miss NETWORK NEWS @9. My dad loves watching news: channel, Ait, Nta, Cnn,  read newspaper join etc. He loves to be current and abreast with happenings around the world and expects us to do same. 

So 2013 when ASUU was  on strike, we were all home( me, my senior brother and sis). Rather than watch news, all we were after was seeing different movies and then sleep and when dad calls for prayers; we will come and be forming sleep so that he won't ask us why we missed the network news @9. 

So one day dad decided to punish us. After watching network news @9, he started watching CNN till 11 pm. Then we have all slept. So he went and woke my senior brother and asked him to woke us all that it was time to say our night prayers. When we all came to the parlour, with sleep in our eyes, he asked us to sing" Rock of Ages" non of us gree sing oh, so he asked us to stand up and raise up our hands. And we stood up and did as instructed. At intervals, he would ask us to sing and we will remain quiet. 

Then he started reading his bible and we were all still standing and he told us that if we don't sing that hymn today, we will remain standing till morning. We all kept quite. Like joke it was already 12:30am and I heard my senior sister with a loud voice singing" Rock of ages, cleft for me"my brother followed with his big bass " let me hide my self in thee' and me self come dey shout dey sing"let the water and the blood....". We come dey sing oh and my dad was saying louder and we singing loud with anger. My mum just sat down and was laughing at us. 

After the hymn, he lead us through a hot session of prayer. For each prayer point raised he will order prayer and we will pray out loud. After the prayer, come see vex, my sister went inside and bang her door. The next day nobody miss network news again.

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GIST THREE

DADDYS 'GIRLFRIEND'

This reminds me of one of those morning when there was fuel scarcity in Naija. I worked on the Island then and getting to Yaba bus-stop, there was a crazy queue waiting for Obalende/CMS. Hmmm... it was so bad some private cars were commuting, and charging of course. 

So this man drives past in one Mercedes 190 and because he was hesitant when he parked, i knew he was contemplating on picking passengers, i moved close to the car and as I touched the handle, he chanted Obalende/CMS, see as i quickly hurried. "Just 3, just 3" he said. He was in his mid 40s. Simple looking man dressed in grey safari. A child in school uniform was in front. She was about 7. 

So luckily two other ladies sat with me at the back and we moved.

Apparently  ladies were friends so they alighted at Obalende, over the bridge. He turned to me, had already collected my money when he asked where I was going. I was still going to Muson and there was a crazy traffic ahead. he looked uncomfortable. Suddenly his phone rang and he spoke into it before passing it to his daughter.

She looked at the phone and then put it on speaker. "Hello mummy."

The mum's voice was what I heard next. "Princess, where are you people now?"

"Daddy, where?" she asked him

"Obalende."

"Okay. Did your father carry girlfriend?"

The girl turned to me. And couldn't say anything

My eyes were the size of halos.

"Me I don't know o."

"Where in Obalende are you? What do you see?"

"Plenty buses. "

I was so embarrassed but felt even worse for the man. I'm not sure I've ever seen a grown man look so uncomfortable. By this time he had collected the phone from the daughter and was speaking in a language I didn't understand but i could tell how hurt he was as his voice was solemn. I could also hear the woman screaming. I could see the Muson building ahead so without speaking, i gestured so he could let me out.

The child kept looking at me mischievously. I wonder what she hears on a daily basis at home.