Sunday In House Gists....

Sunday in house gists,following Saturday's...I pray we find a winner this time!

GIST 7

TOILET EMBARRASSMENT

Stellastikorkusmokos oya chop kiss, digest am with dat name as u post dis for in house gist..

So while in NYSC orientation camp, we the lazy ones decided we were tired of early morning parade so that when soldiers come to chase everyone to the parade ground, we would hide in the toilets until they've all gone before we come out and start sleeping.

On this occasion, as usual we had all gone to the toilet to hide and unfortunately for us, the soldiers came with the NSCDC officers to raid the hostels probably on a tip off.. The female officers came straight to the toilets and started opening doors.. Hehe, when they opened my door, they found 5 of us perching like exposed witches who had just confessed with me seated on the WC pretending to be defecating..lol.. The lady just smiled and dragged all of us out.. By the time we were assembled at the army quarters, jeez we were more than 100 caught from all the hostels including guys.. (So no be only me dey fear parade ni).. We were made to frog jump several times before being chased down to parade ground.

One would have expected sensible entities to learn their lessons, but for where? Adamant otondos still went in hiding the next morning.. They must hv noticed how scanty the parade ground was because they came back this time in full force and unsmiling.. But he that the gods want to destroy is first made mad, yours truly still had her transparent nightie on when the raid happened. This time they refused us dressing in our white shorts and vests and forcefully marched us down to the parade ground like that, O boy! I wan mad, and it was a cold morning, so my nipples just stand like mopol.

 We were displayed for all to see while my fellow OBS crew (wey amadioha go strike with chickenpox) made a news out of us and my betraying nipples... I still weep for my pride in tatters..

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GIST 8

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

I dont know if i should call dis ''inhouse gist'' or ''Silent is golden''. Abeg make una manage my grammar like that.

Yesterday,(saturday),i attended a wedding reception with my two kids, 3years and 1yr plus...... My Dh travelled to the village...

The celebrant used to come to our family house to see one brother that lives there.(when i wasnt married).

As i dont know anybody there, i just sat there with my kids ooo..

When they started sharing the food. I was happy dat am gonna eat party gellof rice.. I was surprised when they served fufu and soup to the woman that was sitted next to me. When my son saw it, he started shouting ''mummy i dont want rice, i want this'' (pointing @ the fufu).

I ignored him and asked the girl to bring us rice.

When the girl came back with rice, my son started crying out loud ooo. ''take it away, i dont want. I want dis''.

I jejely collected my party gellof rice oo. When My son's disturbance became too much,i droped the rice beside me (to eat it later) and called on the girl to bring fufu for us.

Now the fufu was in front of us, my daughter straight out hands to carry the soup from the tray. Fiaaaam!! The soups fail on me(thank God it was on Take-away plate)

My cloth wasnt heavily stained.

We settled to eat our fu-fu. My son said that he will feed himself. I was happy, at least i will feed only the little one. As we were still eating, my son used the same hands that he was eating with and tapped me (another stain). ''mummy i want water'' i gave him water. After the water, he took the meat and started eating. Just then, he started shouting ''peper! Peper!!''  i droped the food on the floor,dropped my daughter that i was feeding, washed my hands and started washing his face.. As he was staggering upandan, he jumped into the soup and it splashed on us all....... Huh!

My little baby fell from behind and landed his bum-bum inside the gellof rice......... Hian!!

I just stood there, starring at nothing... As they were both crying... Nobody even cared to help us out. We became another party to watch ooo.

Hmmmm. I carried my baby up from the rice. I was about carrying her up to my chest to consol her. Viiaaaaaaam!!!........she vomitted on me.

Chineke God!! I just dropped her on the floor there as both of them were competing on whose voice will be louder....... For my mind, i just dey wait for person wey go open mouth say we don mess up the whole place. Then i go show my anger.

I was dragging both of them by the hands to the back of the hall when My son stepped on one brother. ''madam easy na, he is just a child''

i scornfully turned to use my mouth to tear him to peices... Lo and behold.. It was Monday Okwe and his wife and child!.... A suitor i turned down cos he wasnt good looking...

I immediately turned like a speedy car with my mouth wide open without even saying a word.

When we got to the back, there was no water. I saw a bag of pure water by the corner, i dragged my crying kids to the place. I was about opening it, when i got a tap @d back.... ''madam live that pure water ooo, i bought it with my money. ''when i turned, it was Ngozi ofili....  The girl was living in our family house but she packed out cos i fought with her... When she saw me. She laughed out loud. I stood there like a vulture beaten by a heavy rain.

I decided to go home like that to avoid further embarassment (i might see my ex and his wife or my husband's ex) . As we were walking home, i was shedding tears and my kids are still crying oooo...... #tearie family#

People were just looking at us as if we are masqurades.... I waka reach junction, to see keke na big wahala. See as all the keke just dey run pass us as if we are mad people. The one wey manage stop, if he look me finish, he will just drive away without even listening to my explanations...

I decided to trek home with the kids ooo. We've walked half of the journey when 'Joseph' my class mate came to our rescue. At first,He was starring at me, then he called my name.... He said that he tot that have gone bananas, cos i was the last person he expected to see in that mood..

Thank God that he brought us home with his car...

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GIST 9

BABA THE MUSICIAN

Stella,

I just remembered this gist from when i was still in school. People that speaks yoruba will enjoy it better. A group of musicians were invited for a competition. Musicians like Majek Fashek, Elemure Ogunyemi and so on were there. They were given two topics:send down the rain and we are the world to compose their songs on. Majek sang beautifully thus:

                         we are the world

                         we are the children and so on

The he sang

                    the sky look misty and cloudy

                The sky look misty and cloudy

                 Looks like rain gonna fall today

                 This morning I have been sowing my seed

                 Waiting for the rain to drop the water it up

                 Oh Lord….ye

                 Am a hungry man

                  And I don’t wanna be angry

                 Send down the rain

                 to water up my seed ye

                 Send down the rain

                 Send down the rain

                 Send down the rain

                 Send down the rain

   The musicians were coming up to sing different  versions according to their syles to the admiration of everybody. When it got to baba Elemure  Ogunyemi, you know all his songs were in Ekiti dialect. It was hard for him to compose in English. He got to the stage and decided to combine both songs. Baba song goes thus:

                 we are the wor we are the wo elegbe moni o we are the wor

                 we are the wo keterin ke joko li bei o we are the wor

                 send down the rain

                 ojo buruku aro sile ria o

                 send down the rain.

 Of course baba won the competition.