The funniest gist wilL get the 5k reward....Only BV's with handles with have their votes counted...The winner will be picked today and tomorrow.tomorrow will also be free style.
The gist that gets me laughing also has better chances of winning,after all na my money.LMAO!
STAND ALONE GIST
Stella of life and my fellow BV's make i nack una one jist weh i experience oooooo! Stella abg post this for IHJ..BV's abg make una manage my punctuation and grammar and try to understand my yoruba as i no be Yoruba or English student..lolz.......on Friday na so i enta bus(danfo)goin to oshodi from ikorodu..close to ketu nia conductor begin colet money oooo! Come reach one baba turn baba say he no get money,tinkin say na joke oooo,conductor fes leave baba collect from other people finish,den bck to baba,'baba owo da'(baba we're you money)?baba say omomi mio lowo,Dolla ti lo soke so ko si owo ni ta(i dont have money,dolla has increased so theres no money in town)like play this baba empty him pocket show conductor say e no get money,omor come see insult between driver,conductor and baba..baba insult them and ended up not payin til he got to his bus/stp..ok naaa!
As i de come back for evening nai i enta bus from oshodi to ketu..wen we got to mary-land sum pip come down and sum pips enta,1 old woman come enta carry rotten kponmo enta bus! Meehhn! The smell na die! Nobody fit talk,everybody begin shout for conductor say why he carry that kain woman with smelling load,he too like money..nai conductor begin colet e money come rech the woman turn oooo! Iya owo da? Mama say na #50 she get oooo mean while de tell her say na #100 bf she enta oooo!
So as the argument de go back and forth passengers come beg conductor to colet the #50 from mama since she obviously doesn't have more money with her oooo! Nai mama loose her wrapa,come shuck hand inside yansh bring out #50 weh dun divide into 2 cun give conduct the half! Mama which kain money be this naaa? Mama come reply in Yoruba say my son you jus have to manage this half #50 oooo! Cox The other half is what i Will luse to pay for the next bus i will enta! Hahhahahaha! Everybody laff wan die.
BV James how market?I liked your Money maker ID better but na 5k pursue you enter James....abi James you wan support?LMAO......Abeg ooh na play i dey before you go transform into abutata say you dey run.hehehehehe
This will be fun mehhh!
ReplyDeleteYea mehhh!
DeleteI was on a bike, IT was going smoothly...I guess d driver started imagining how big my booby is and hw it will feel if pressed on his back...na so he hold sudden brake..hmmm I just shot forward and hit d big tin for his back...I believe he felt crazy..den d road was very free..hmmnn anoda brake..na so I bring out key from my bag and held it at d front...den anoda sudden brake...d key chuck d guy..he shout ask wetin de Chuk me...I tell am my breast get chuku chuku...dats how sudden brake stopped...lmao.
DeleteLmao at chuku chucku, hahahahahahaha
Delete@ladybird this actually got me laughing out loud. Chuku Chuku indeed. Now you have given me an idea for all those brake pressing bike men
DeleteBwahahahahhaahha ladybird I don laff tire.....Chineke you wicked no be small bwahahahahahahahha
DeleteBwahahahahhaahha ladybird I don laff tire.....Chineke you wicked no be small bwahahahahahahahha
DeleteEruku wole...Let the struggle begin.
ReplyDeleteLmfao @abutata stella you be case i laff piss for body
DeleteNo gist from me , I will read comment
ReplyDeleteStory story? Story!
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, time time.
There was a man, man man.
Monkey go market. He nor come back.
Play!play!! Girl!!!
DeleteLol
Let me try and be funny.
ReplyDeleteGist 1 I went in to see a doctor cos I had pile.
I don't know what he was looking for he sha wore his gloves and was looking in.
I was so shy although I insisted that a female nurse be present
I didn't know when I farted, I swear I could literally see the Farr waltz into his mouth.
Dr. Exclaimed and was like what is the meaning of this oh mean hmmmph.
What's my own when he was done looking for whatever it was he asked me to sit up.
Gist 2 there was this pretty girl with all the curves in the right place
All the guys wanted a piece of her till she finally agreed for one.
He wooed her and then it was time to cosummate the affair.
My guy was so excited that he had conquered what his friends had been trying to for months.
Fine gave with killer shape.
You know how guys behave. They all hung around waiting for their friend to be done and come gist them.
Next thing he came out running, when they asked him what happened he said they should chill he needs to go tell Ali something
Who be Ali? They queried they had no friend with that name.
He didn't respond he just hurried away.
After a while the gave came out looking defeated.
Soon after he came back to ask if she has left that o boy.
When she dropped her pants he couldn't handle the stench and got confused.
He had to tell her he just remembered he forgot something with Ali that he was going to pick.
He used that name because she knows his other friends and might see them anywhere.
OMG.....im practically "loling"
DeleteYou dey fuck anal? Why are you having hemorrhoids?
DeleteYou dey fuck anal? Why are you having hemorrhoids? Plus the doctor was looking in there and doing his job. There is nothing interesting in an asshole with pile that he would look there if it was unnecessary.. stop sounding uneducated abeg
DeleteI'm still confused, what could make a girl's privates smell that bad? I don't get it!
DeleteAnon 16:08 why are upset? Is it your anal? Or uneducated?
DeleteYou had to comment twice.
Pele at least you read my jargons.
Now run along.
So pile is only caused by anal sex? Nice education you've got @anonymous 16:08
DeleteNo acceptance no denial!! Nice 👌🏽
DeleteThe money maker comment sef funny pass the main gist.
ReplyDeleteNote o I don't want the 5k.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow I'd try remember a funny experience.
All the best I hope we won't hear stories that would leave us speechless.
Dis ur joke dry lik Sahara desert and ur grammar worse pass corruption 4 Naija mtcheew
ReplyDeleteRotfl.....@Abutata...lol, reminds me of when i was a boy.
ReplyDeleteFake stand alone "end time" "jist".
ReplyDelete@ half #50 naira! #eyes #rolling....
ReplyDeletePrepared to go for Sunday service...wore my skirt to start making up on the bed.When I sat to makeup,never knew my skirt tore from the zip to the slit of the skirt.I carried my baby,walking majestically while Dh was at the front.Never knew my skirt was showcasing my pant.As we were walking to the road where to get a cab,my neighbor saw me from the back and asked..."can't you see what you are wearing"I was like wetin I wear kwa...isnt the skirt long???He asked me to touch the back of my skirt,lo and behold,I touched my pant...
DeleteReally felt embarrassed,the man said if u weren't married,would've said its fashion.
I really vexed for Dh Fr not checking my backed before he passed to the front.
Hurriedly went back to change...i always feel shy to greet the man these days...
Am I the only one that doesn't read this post???? I usually find the gists boring so I just skip!!!
ReplyDeleteSame here. Na skipping things.
DeleteU ain't the only one dear. I don't remember ever clicking on In house gist...waste of precious time!
DeleteSo what happened today?
DeleteSo why did you comment if you didn't read it? Common Gerara here.
DeleteMy smart nigger
DeleteLol oya let the lies begin.....
ReplyDeleteOkay this my story happened smtime bck in 2015,so myself&kids visited lagos&my elder sister whose hubby was a General called to inform me one sunday moni to bring d kids over to d house as it was her son,my nephew's bday.
DeleteSo hubby's sister agreed to drive us down to Ikoyi, I dressed up d kids,I dunno hw I ended up wearing my Lil boy of 1+ a camouflage short,army green shirts& camouflage timberland, hubby sis saw him as he walked out of d room & said waoooow,u looking fly my bubu.
This is an outfit he has successfully worn b4,but d tin is dt we forgot dt we were goin to where soldiers wt red eyes&perfect screening tks place b4 u re allowed to drive in. So we set out,everyone lookin fly.when we got to ikoyi,at d gate we saw soldiers searchin& ransacking a car in front of us wt screening &jamb questions,immediately I drew my sis-inlaw's attention to what bubu was wearing,if una see as pesin wen dey praise d dressing since tk scream"ooh ooh ooh why u wear am,why u wear am. I look up&down not knowing what to do,i said chaiiii& we re next for screening,na so I carry my big hand bag frm front throw to cover my Lil boy short at least as he sat at d back, u knw wen toddlers dnt wnt anytin on dem,dey don't want. If una see d way dis Lil boy flings my bag bck to me,na so I carry d bag again wt force put on his body holdin it dere as our screening commenced, he was dragging all tru,i'm sure those soldiers wud b wandering what's goin on,nor do nor do we were allowed inside. It was a mixed of laughter in tears dt day,but my sis later said wt just a called dey wud av allowed us inside,dt he ws just a toddler.
Obama sis you tried 65 percent
DeleteLolzzz funny
ReplyDeleteToor we just smile.
ReplyDeleteIs jokes allowed
ReplyDeleteLet me try to do this one,it is a funny question sha
ReplyDeleteI was in the car one day with my dad who was driving and the radio was on. Then one famous artist song "Shut up and drive" was on airplay (playing). My dad liked the song but he didn't know the title of the song,He wanted to go and find it in the market to buy,so he asked me"what is the title of this song"
How do I politely say "shut up and drive"
Sorry, it's stale
DeleteNo it's not.
DeleteAn Arsenal fan went to watch a football match in a viewing centre in a new area and it was Man United vs Arsenal. As soon as he arrived Arsenal just scored and the guy was screaming its a goaaaaaallll and celebrating and in d process jumped on the back of one Hulk Hogan looking guy wearing a red jersey.As he was shouting on the guy's back, he noticed d guy was not celebrating,only vibrating like a caterpillar warming up and only then he looked at d guy's jersey and there it was written in capital letters NO.1 MAN U FAN IN THIS JUNGLE.....wetin follow? Ur guess is as good as mine!
ReplyDeleteLolz. 30percent
DeleteOk oooo...am actually from a Catholic family nd we r in lent period...so na,father organised a retreat and d programme starts with stations of the cross then evening mass . usually during evening masses in my parish wen d lay reader take d responsorial psalm dey dont sing wit it,dey jst read it out....so na yesterday o wen it was time for responsorial psalm na... d old man started to sing...me I lock up the next tin I heard from my mum was...shuuuoooo nu uchichi nka ka onyei chori buabu(is it dis night dat dis one wants to sing)....I didnt knw wen I laughed out loud nd the whole church turned....evn as am typing dis am still smilling cos of the mumcy said it.pls bvs pardon my igbo spelling.
ReplyDeleteYawns!!!! 30percent
DeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteNice one.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm....kedu odi akuku bu ihe a? Abeg make una nack us young people Tori joor...lol
ReplyDeletePlease help,all I need is 1000 naira. Please
ReplyDeleteThis is 100% based on a true story and there are lessons to be learnt. 4 years ago, I was schooling in a foreign land. I had this room mate who was Irish, short guy, handsome, no more that 5'6 at most but thought he was God's gift to women. Anyway, he invited me one night to hang out with him and of course I said Yes!, booze and opportunity to meet hot chicks, why not!. As most africans can attest, living in a foreign land can be boring, especially if you're an overly reserved person. Being friendly with most africans, Nigerians in particular is so tedious that it's often pointless. If you think naija girls and boys are stuck up in Nigeria, wait till you meet them abroad....they also redefine bitchiness'. Moving on...the plan was simple, a pint of beer in locations where we know girls congregate and then hit the club after. Got to spot one, we each had a pint....no chicks!. Spot two was a pub with a small disco space, three pints of beer each and dancing with some girls who found my "d'banj" moves very very' interesting. Yes!, things were warming up......the club beckoned. Got to the first club....empty!. The Irish guy said let's have another drink nonchalantly, now note that at this point, I still had control of my faculties. I'm not a heavy drinker, more like social drinker and can hold my own but when I drink, common sense dictates that I don't mix drinks. He ordered for "red bull and rum" but I declined, he insisted and the bar tender brought the drinks. On seeing the small glass it was in, I was like okay!, two gulps and I downed it, that was nothing!. No big deal right?!. Now, the lady at the counter said they weren't really open yet and they would start from 11pm or at least I thought I heard 11pm. I tried checking my watch, it took me about 20 seconds to realize that I wasn't wearing one, I didn't even think to check my phone. I was no longer in control and my brain had literally just knocked', within two minutes or less of consuming a small drink?!. I told him that something was wrong and I had to get home, he made fun of me calling me a lightweight and said we should check out another club but only if I had the stomach for it!. Great, sarcasm and a challenge, of course I'd take it up. Just as we stepped out, we saw two pretty ladies or I hope they were, we told them that the club wasn't open and they invited us to join them at another club. Sure, why not!....we got there and just as the ladies in front opened the door and beckoned us in with a smile, just like in the movies, a whiff of common sense passed through the blocked brain barrier and hit me. I realised that I was about entering a gay club, I froze!. Room mate looked at me and said what's the problem man? Got a problem with gay people?, I said.......END OF PART ONE//
ReplyDeleteYou try let me give you 50 percent
DeleteI wanna start commenting now
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my hilarious childhood stories.
ReplyDeleteI was 7 or 8 years old at that time. I used to love one naija female musician....I can't really remember her name. She sang one popular song about money. One thing I liked about her was her mode of dressing (rugged trousers, skirts including gowns). I really liked her. One day, after watching one of her music video that she wore a skirt that was torn (that's the style). I went to take one of my skirt my mom bought for me. I took a sharp blade and tore it, in fact I finished the skirt, so I wore it feeling like a star. When my mom came back from her store and saw me she ran back, panicking that something was wrong with me. My elder sis went to meet her and explained. She was angry because the skirt was expensive. My mom warned me never to try it again. I said yes ma!
Few days later, I watched the singer video again, I went to my mother wardrobe to collect a gown her uncle sent for me from abroad. I tore it well. I felt d only thing my mom would do was flog me. When she came back from work and saw the dress in her room. She flogged me and I cried. After few weeks, in the evening my mom noticed someone tore one of her wrappers with blade and she suspected me. I was the first suspect! She called me and asked why I did it. Seriously I wasn't the one but who loved to tear clothes? ME!!! I began to cry that I was innocent but she refused to believe. My mama said she knows what to do. She bathed me and wore clothes for me. She also had her bath and dressed. She said we were going out. Fear catch me!
Mummy where? I asked.
You will find out when we get there. She replied.
I began to cry ooo. I didn't want to go! I was praying for my father to come back from work( I was dad's pet at that time). As we stepped outside, my. Dad drove in. He noticed my mom was angry and asked her where she was taking me to. She told him she should leave her alone and explained what happened. That was how my father started shouting that she should leave me alone, neighbors heard, came out and began to plead on my behalf. My mother refused.
'You must tell me where you are taking my daughter to, my dad said. She said she was taking me to church for deliverance. Deliverance ke? Because she tore your wrapper? She said yes. That was how my parents began to drag me. After my father got hold of me. My mother told him she has changed her mind to take me to a church that what was on her mind was the best thing to do. He asked her what was it?She said I needed to be sold! Hehehehehe Everyone burst out laughing. But my mom was damn serious. To cut the long story short, we ended up in a police station for her to write an undertaking that she will not sell me ooo. One of the police men said my mom should be happy I tore her wrapper because it was a good sign that I might end up as a tailor! LMAO!!
You try. Let me give you 60 percent
DeleteHahahahaha! Tailor ke? The policeman no try at all. Thank God sey your mama nor sell you
DeleteU have my vote!
DeleteLol!Very funny.I vote u
DeleteNonsense dry gist
DeleteHahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahah...
DeleteThis gist killed me. *wipes tears*
ist oo this even happened to me today sef.....I was in shoprite o,looking for cold Pepsi soo I had to bend down to look well for the cold Pepsi because it was inside inside the fridge I did not knw that my bom bom was hitting somebodys husband o....thats how his wife just told me ....hey young lady easy ..kai I felt bad o...
ReplyDeleteAwww, I can imagine
DeleteLmaoooo!!!
DeleteLmao...... the comments made my day
ReplyDelete