Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

This is worrisome indeed...!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE.
LIVING WITH A MAN WHO CUSSES AND RANTS ALL DAY..

Dear Stella,

I am an avid reader of your blog and thank you for the platform to express ourselves, some of us are dying inside.

I won't want to waste anyone's time but I need advice. Serious advice from people who know/understand what this is about.

I have been married for less than a year. My husband is a doctor and lives outside Nigeria. I have had my masters from a business school in the UK for at least 6 years but no serious job. When I started dating my husband, he was doing well as a doctor in Nigeria and would give me pocket money which I was grateful for cos none of my exes ever gave me money and I never asked.

We got married last year and relocated, it's not been easy but I thank God. My main complain is that my husband is very controlling, domineering and abusive. I noticed all these before the marriage and I complained to my mom who cried and said it was too late for me to opt out cos no one will ever marry me. Each time we have an argument prior to marriage, I would confide in my sister who thought I was taking all these rubbish cos I was in a hurry to get married. Because of that, I stopped confiding in anyone and I would die than let my friends know the real gist in my marriage.

He has anger issues and claims that u am the trigger. If we get into an argument, he is quick to get abusive and tell me that I have never earned any real money all I know is daddy's money (God being my witness, my dad is rich but I have NEVER made him or anyone feel less human cos of it), I have never achieved anything on my own, I am a fool, an idiot and stupid and he will send me back to Nigeria. He talks at the speed to 1000 words per minute before I am able to get a word in. In the end I break down crying profusely because my life had meaning and peace before all this.

Today's episode was something else. I had to use the car to run errands and cash a cheque I have had in my possession for weeks, he insisted that I do it today cos I might go into labour anytime soon and no one will be able to cash the cheque. And i had to buy some groceries cos his sister would be visiting tomorrow and I wanted them to have food in the house when they arrive. He called me in the middle of my transaction and asked me to come pick him up from work cos he had a meeting at 2:30. I drove straight to his office at 12:45 and right outside he got verbally abusive telling me not to ever ignore his calls in my fucking life.

 Wow!!! 

That was a huge shock for me, he didn't even ask what happened or why I was delayed or where I left my phone! The laws in this country prohibits driving and picking calls and I Ddnt even hear my phone ring! 

I was too shocked to say anything, when we got home, I reached for my phone and saw the messages he sent calling me all manner of unprintable names. Funny thing is he came home and sat all through until 1:50 before leaving for his meeting. To think that I am heavily pregnant and expecting anytime soon, one would think he would slow down on making me cry all the time. There was a day he hit me while I was pregnant for daring to stand up to him.

I have dated 4 guys in the past and at least one of them was for 3 years, I have never had an encounter like this with any of them. We will fight at most but name calling and physical abuse was not part of it. I have lots to narrate but this will have to do for now.

Dear BV's my questions are

1. How do you handle an abusive spouse? I thought I was doing the right thing by standing up for myself but by doing that we almost had an accident once cos he got enraged that I would dare argue and he was the one behind the wheel

2. Do I simply keep quiet and pray for him like I did today? But he said I was being arrogant by keeping mum and he will break me as long as I am in his house.

3. Do we go for counselling or insist that he gets psychiatric help? His violence and anger issues is worrying.

4. Part of this might have nothing to do with me as an individual cos according to what I know about his parents, his mum abused his dad too and he was very close to his father maybe that made him into who he is today but is that enough to mete this out in me?

Please forgive the typos. Thank you.

I cannot answer any of your questions because i have never been in an abusive situation,I CANNOT DEAL OR COMPROMISE AT ALL but as i read your story,i just remembered all the Nigerian women who had been killed by their spouses in that Country...Its as if its viral...You need to be very careful before he breaks and puts out the candle in your life....