Chronicle of Blog Visitor Narrative....

This is a long narrative but worth the read!

STAND ALONE LONG NARRATIVE

DAMN ALL CONSEQUENCES AND FOLLOW LOVE....?

Good day Stella.

I got attracted to this blog since someone mentioned it on another blog. I have been an ardent reader and I have learnt many things. Please I need your red ink, the opinions and advice of the BVs.

I met a guy during my UTME lesson days six years ago. Let's call him Jide (not his real name). He was attending the same tutorial centre as myself. I never noticed he was a secret admirer until he sent me messages when I was absent for two days. My friends and I tried to know the anonymous by calling him in class but his phone was always on silence. He was smart with it and we didn't know who he was until we were about leaving lesson. He approached me one day when I stayed back to read because our examination was fast approaching and he told me he was the secret admirer and asked to be my friend. I noticed he was unable to look into my eyes and his mouth was shaking when we were talking.

It was later (while we were friends) that I discovered he was six years older. I did not notice this because he didn't look his age and he always wore jeans and dressed like a young guy. He told me he wrote UTME for years and did not meet the cut-off mark of the school of his choice (the same school I chose). He later said he abandoned taking exams to learn a skill, which was wielding (iron-joining). No one would believe he is into that kind of job until you see him in his “work clothes” because he is a very neat guy with a good “dress-sense”. I was not bothered about his work since we were just friends.

We both passed the UTME but he did not pass the Post-UTME. I got admission into the school of my choice and he got admitted to a Federal College of Education. He asked me out months later and I disagreed at first because I was using threads to make my hair, no make-up except powder and lip gloss, no trousers. My mum was and still is a strict deeper-life member but my dad attends a different denomination.He is not living in the same town as us because of his job. So my mum‘s parenting style was dominant.

 I found it difficult to believe his love because I was a small girl in all areas and I thought he wanted the cookie jar. I later agreed to date him and I formed the rule of not having sex out of the fear of my mum.

He proved his love despite talks around. He introduced me to his younger sister who was in her penultimate year in my school. We bonded well, I usually sleep in her room and she calls me “iyawo”. I dated him for two years and I, eventually, was stepping up my dressing game.

Stella, I love this guy to bits and he accepted me with all my childish trauma and excesses. He is an introvert and a cool guy. He never cheated on me and took care of me with everything including cash. He, sometimes, sent his sisters to me with an envelope and a short note. He cooks for me when I visit him, buckles my sandal and he treated me like a baby. We saw once every month and we alternated our visits. Our love was reciprocal and we started having sex during this period. He was my first.

Our problem started when my sister brought her man home and my dad rejected him. My dad is an educationist and academic excellence matters a lot to him. He rejected my sister’s fiancé because the guy said he was going into the mission field fully (this is the same thing that got my dad attracted to my mum). My dad said the man didn't have a vision and may be a broke guy hiding under the umbrella of being a missionary despite the fact that this man graduated from a State Polytechnic. My dad said he was not a match for my sister that graduated as the best in her class in the University. 

He said she needed a man of the same or higher academic excellence to push her forward in her career.

My dad came to my school and warned me not to do what my sister did. I was scared and confused because my guy wasn't really fluent in his spoken English (mistakes of do, did, theirs, there and all) and my sister’s man could speak phonetics for Africa.

 I am not also perfect but I do put Jide through and correct him which he always took joyfully and with love.

He started talking of meeting my parents in our second year and I kept postponing his wish. My friends always acted funny whenever I told them he wasn't into the profession(s) they thought he was in. I told him to go for a degree programme after his NCE and he agreed. He started having self-esteem issues when I told him about my sister’s issue. Communication dropped and we started dating off and on. The guy I started dating after him broke up with me because I always compared him with Jide.

 Jide and I made up times without number but always broke up at the end due to the same reason. His younger sister got married and he bought me the aso ebi even though I didn't ask him to. I attended only the Engagement ceremony. I am saying this to explain that I was loved and accepted by his family members.

I cut all ties with him and we stopped talking for months. It was not easy to love any other guy and my other relationships were without commitment because one thing always went wrong. Although, I wear trousers, put on make-up, fix a little bit of expensive hair extensions and wear  jewellery now and I have many suitors but I think they are all after me because of my stature (tall, slim with flat tummy) and a beautiful face. I am not in any relationship at the moment because I know that these men pressuring me are after one thing or the other. I also know that they would not have noticed my existence if I am still the girl I was few years back. The fact that this guy stood by me when I was an SU makes me love him more and I think he deserves to be with the “new” me because I am now matured in all areas, more focused and career driven.

Jide called me last month and he asked why I wasn't keeping in touch. I told him I was busy, which is partially true because I am undergoing a skill training and at the same time, giving some children home lessons to get more cash for myself before going for youth service. I noticed he calls regularly and we talk but with no strings attached. He called me few days ago saying we should come back together because he is taking his degree programme and he said he's doing so because of my Dad. He sent messages and asked me to promise him that I will never leave him again.

I have not made any promises yet and I have not seen him despite his wish for us to see and discuss. My mum has given me freedom even though her friends and church members always criticize me but I do not mind since I've changed my church and now a worker in my new church. My dad fully supports my new lifestyle but my mum is still praying for my salvation but I know my stand in Christ.

My sister is still single and searching at 28 and I do not wish to make the mistake she made years back. I will be 24 in a few months and Jide will be 30 but he is claiming 26 as his official age.

My dear BVs, my heart still beats anytime my phone rings and I see he is the one calling. One side of me loves him and wants to spend the rest of my life with him while my daddy-daughter’s side wish to dance to my dad’s tune by choosing a guy that is fluent, academically good and with a prestigious occupation now or in the future. My ex now has his own shop with two apprentices. He is living in a flat and in his second year in his degree programme. I know he is not broke and is very generous. Abstinence from sex will not be a problem since we are not new to each other and not sex freaks either. 

His elder sister is a nurse, two of his younger sisters are university and a polytechnic graduates respectively while his last sister is studying law in the same University I finished from. This shows that they are not mediocre but he is just the only one (only male child) that did not have the grace to attend a University or polytechnic. I know he can support my career and cannot be intimidated but I am 98% sure that my dad and other family members will not approve of him due to his blue-collar profession. The reason is my paternal extended family members are fond of competing to the extent of enrolling children in the best schools just to prove their prowess. All my married cousins married people with white-collar profession or a business tycoon. My mom will laugh at me and say "see the person that got attracted to you despite your oge (fashion)". I always wish to have a love-filled and peaceful marriage and I do not want to miss the joy of a blissful family.

Should I damn my dad’s and other people’s opinion and make the promise of being faithful and not leaving him anymore?  Should I move on, hoping I will later see a man that will be a replica of him? Do you think there is a way of changing my dad’s mind about his rule of our choice of partner? Is there a way of obeying my dad and still be in a relationship with him? Do you think I should be patient? Is there anyone who has undergone or in a situation similar to mine? What will the society say?

Please Stella, do not spare your red ink. Thank you so much!

Be patient with this guy nau..you dont even have any complaints about him..you wan marry your papa?lol

Stick with him and grow a strong mind of your own please!