Sunday In House Gists...

Saturday in house gists was so funny,i laughed and laughed...Perhaps tdays will be funnier......enjoy!

GIST 8

SPEAKING IN TONGUES

Hi, gud day to you Madam Stella and my fellow BV's.  I wan share my

Tori with una, una wey no understand pigin make una no vex, this Tori

happen between me and my colleagues o, we be don dey go church every

Tuesday and he get 1 of us wey dey speak in tongue, na so wey go Dis

Tuesday o I notice say as we dey pray my 3rd colleague dey laff, I dey

ask myself wetin do her.

 I manage close before I run go meet her say wetin happen, na him she bust laff say if I sabi wetin breeze blow chicken yansh wey she see, I come beg her make I hear, na so she tell me say I no go believe say all Dis days wey we dey think say our colleague dey speak in tongue say na her Edo language she dey speak,

na so I shout, we cum plan say we self go dey speak in tongue by force

, as the next Tuesday come wey we gather go church na so I hear my

colleague dey use ilaje language take dey praise God,as I hear am na

so I bust laff wey I no fit hide o.  Thank you and have an awesome

week.

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GIST 9GOST RACE

Stella, this na my own gist. Happened around late secondary school.

We had this family friend that used to rear goats. One Sunday after church, my papa say make we go visit the family as them just born new pikin, so from church we drive go their house straight. 

Now, we don dey hear say one of the goats dey pursue person oh, say if e catch you, e go use him head and horns jam jam you. The goats reach like five but we no know which one dey pursue person.

So during the visit na, my mumsi say she wan go collect something wey she forget for our motor, she come choose me out of all of the children say make I escort her go because of the goat, as per say me na guy, plus I don tall, get broad chest, goatee and deep voice finish, me sef come dey laugh her say na because of goat she dey fear like that? 

I come follow her go the motor. As we dey go, we scope the compound wella oh, we no see one single goat sef, I com say maybe them lock them for cage for backyard.

On our way back from the motor, na so she dey waka fast fast for my front, me and my swag just dey waka for her back dey form cool fresh dude. Lo and behold, we just hear one kain funny sound from back, I no know when my head turn sef. See one large he-goat just dey race towards us from nowhere! My heart just beat one heavy beat for my chest, GBAAAM! Then to worsen matters, mumsi come scream “Jesuuusss!!!” com pick race. 

Choi, the scream plus my mumsi race plus the sight of the goat just freeze my blood! Me wey plan say if the goat come, I go just kick one leg for air, shout “shaaaaaa!” I just confuse. I no believe say I go ever run from goat for this my life, but that day I no know when I follow pick race. Me and mumsi begin race dey go the front door. Meanwhile my siblings hear when my mama scream, they go the window dey watch us dey shout “Run, run, it’s coming, it’s coming!” By that time all the formings don clear from my body oh, na survival just dey my mind.

I dey run dey target mumsi say make I overtake her so that na she go dey my back near the goat, na that time I code say my mumsi sabi run sha. Me and mumsi race till we come reach the front door the same time, na there kasala burst. Who go enter first na? Me and mumsi squeeze for the door, none of us fit pass. She use her body dey press me dey drag my hand so she go enter first, me sef dey drag her blouse so I go enter first, till finally two of us com fall enter the parlour, my own leg nak stool join. Meanwhile the goat don stop to pursue us since oh, we no know. I stand up sharperly, run enter the dining, she stand up too run enter the bedroom side. 

Chai. Na that time I com calm down dey try to compose myself though my body dey shake like say I get fever. I com dey ask myself say me, I run from that goat?? Everybody burst laugh for our head. Them com yab me say me wey suppose protect my mother, na me go drag door with her. Shame wan kill me that day.

On the way back home, na so our last born go just stay laugh one kain wicked laugh, once she laugh everybody go come scatter laugh too. Except me. I been wan conk her head but I no fit, lol.

But guess who had the laugh? I did, when that family specially sent me my share of the goat meat when they killed the mumu goat some months later! And till tomorrow, if I see goat near me I must kick my leg towards am so e go run; I can’t help it, just trying to reboost my self-confidence... :.

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GIST 10
CONFUSION AT THE CHOIR

I remember during my teen days in the church,i was in the teens choir..so on this particular night,we were to minister at our headquarters coz it was a vigil...i was to take the lead in the song and we were rehearsing..the problem began when our coordinator started complaining that he couldnt hear my words clearly when singing,na so the thing lead to argument oo..

na so he cum vex say mk I no take the lead again...at last sha we cum change the song buh my mood had changed coz of the way I was shouted at,na so the mood spread like wildfire..we rehearsed the new song which had 3 lead vocal part so I was to take the 2nd...na so we pack oursef go the church ooo

When it was time for us to sing na as if our brain format when we climb altar..as the instrumentals dey go on na so we dey move with am...people first of all think say na mic no work..so the engineer cum test the mic ,he see say the tin dey work ,so by that time church members too don get....me just sing one kain solo wey me sef no know..na him one sista wey dey for front sleep go,she wake up and we still dey there na so she hiss and carry go with her sleep...

Shame no make us cum down,at last sha we were ushered down,na so people cum dey shake head for us....it was really embarrassing

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GIST 11
'SORTING'

Me and my friend, let's call her X went to check our result on this

fateful day. To pass the course you have to bribe the lecturer- sort.

" this course is a sure A", she said with so much confidence, me I

kept quiet and was also claiming it too, but seriously D go make me

dance shoki, cos I had no money to take care of myself, talk more of

giving to a lecturer. X continued with so much certainty that if she

did not make A no body will, this was a girl I was academically better

than.

 When we got to the notice board, I couldn't believe what I saw,

I got a B.  Now we were on our way back, X was so quiet and me don't

know what to say to her.  " dis our course rep is a wizard" she said

breaking the silence. She repeated it again and again. Then she

narrated how she gave the guy all her allowance money only for it to

result to an E. 

Whenever I remember the incidence na so smile I go dey smile.

NB: not all gist will make you laugh, but you can always relate to it.

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GIST 12
SETTLEMENT FOR NOTHING

Tuale mama

Everybody I hail ooo

I remember one friday like dat(last year) Mumsy ask us to dress up for

vigil and I don get one birthday to attend.I had to lie to Mum that I

ain't feeling ok.

After giving me some drugs she asked if I can stay @ home and manage

till the next day,I replied yes.she say make I stay house in short.

As I see say Mum and my siblings don go naso I run enter house say

make I change into something nice,Naso door jam...

I no fit open door again

1)My phones dey sitting room

2)I neva chop

After much self pity and regret I slept off.

The next morning na my junior brother come open the door.As this guy

man see me,naso he just dey shake head dey laugh...I con ask him wetin

he observe.He said I went to a party and he will tell mummy

After much plea he said settlement or he will report,and this small

rat stubborn.

I pay for wetin I no do because my mummy nor Suppose hear.

Naso I suffer myself on top nonsense ooo.