Single Motherhood..

This post is not in support of Single motherhood or against it......

tIME TO SIT ON THE COUCH....

''Dear Stella, 

Please help me post this. I dont know where it fits in but it can be a stand alone post (for single mothers). 

I'm on my way home from work and I'm reading SDK as usual and I read about the 19year old that killed herself because both her parents and the man who got her pregnant rejected her. 

Immediately I remember Ndidi. Ndidi was a girl I knew years back when I was a child myself. Maybe 10/11 years old. We were family friends kind of. She was the first child of her family. 

Next, we hear Ndidi died. What happened to Ndidi? She killed herself her mom said. We all sat in the living room watching the mom cry her eyes out. Ndidi was pregnant. Her parents found out. Her father threatened hell on earth.

What about the boy who got her pregnant? He denied the pregnancy. Ndidi was just 17 I believe. One night, her mom heard pounding. Who was pounding by2am??? She checked. It was Ndidi. 

Ndidi what are you pounding? I'm pounding pepper she replied. Her mother asked "by this time? ". She replied I can't sleep that's why. The mom left her and went back to sleep. 

Like an hour later Ndidi starts screaming. Mom, dad and siblings ran to her room. Ndidi what is it???? My tummy!! What is wrong with your tummy her mom asked?? 

To cut the long story short, Ndidi told her mom she was pounding pepper but she was actually pounding Kamfur (forgive my spelling). She pounded, and then drank it. Her mom poured all the Palm oil she could find in Ndidis mouth but it was too late. Ndidi had died. 

Ndidi didn't have patience. Her name meant patience. 

Years later I find my own self a single mother. I face many struggles. You meet people who immediately look down on you just because you have a child out of wedlock as they say. You meet men who think you're loose, just because you happen to have a child. You also meet a lot of judgmental females who forget they have killed babies through abortion. You meet men who don't understand that you and your child come as a package. You can't choose one and dump the other. You meet men who act like they care, but they really don't. 

But through all this we pull through. Everyday I look at my child, I find happiness. Happiness no one else can give me. Oh yes I have to struggle but it's worth it. It's worth every stress. Every tear. 

Many of us feel lonely and unloved but like an ex told me (God bless him though he later messed up) a man who will love you will love you. No matter what. Those words stuck with me and should stick with all of us single moms out there. 

I'm not encouraging single momness (is that even a word?). I just want parents to be more patient with their kids. If she gets pregnant and you chase her away where will she go to? Who does she have? And pls not every single mom ended up that way because she was loose. Some yes. But not many. 

So now I wonder why Ndidi never have "ndidi". I know her mom would have preferred to carry her grandchild than to bury a daughter. Her first child. 

Bv xxx Trinity xxx.

The kind of stigmatization you talk about only exists in the part of the world where you live.Nigerians can be Judges for Africa.

If you are a baby mama out there and waiting for someone to clap your back and tell you how great you done.well please forget it.