Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

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Saturday, January 09, 2016

Saturday In House Gists...

Saturday In House Gists is very brief today and one of these gists will win five thousand naira if their votes score the pass mark......




GIST ONE
SOLDIERS UWAKU

Good day Stella...I just remembered this funny gist a friend told me and decided to share it with my fellow bvn * lol*...hope you guys find it funny. But before I get to the main gist, I'll like to explain what "UWAKU" means for those that don't understand hausa. "UWAKA" is that five fingers insult directed at someone's face. Therefore, the plural of "UWAKA" is "UWAKU" ( i.e, for more than one person). 

Now to the main gist...

This particular incident happened at a checkpoint in Jos. Abeg make I switch to pidgin.You know say most checkpoints for Jos once you're approaching them on motorcycle, you'll have to come down from your motorcycle and push it till you pass the checkpoint before you go climb continue your journey. So on this faithful day, one baba just dey ride him motorcycle dey approach the checkpoint, him come forget say him suppose come down push the motorcycle pass the checkpoint first. 

Baba come with full confidence wan pass checkpoint... na so soldiers come stop am, make baba pack him motorcycle for side...come give am frog jump. Una know say soldiers no dey hear sorry anyhow...na so baba do frog jump taya. After much pleading and begging, soldiers come pardon baba tell am say make him stand up go. Baba come stand up go climb him motorcycle, but the witches for him village no gree let am go quietly...na so baba come turn insult soldiers #UWAKU.
Unfortunately for baba, as he ON him motorcycle come kick, the thing no gree start. Him kick! Kick!!kick!!! for wia, the thing no just gree start. Na so baba just come down quietly from him motorcycle begin do frog jump even without the soldiers telling him to. Come see as everybody for there just burst laughter...even the soldiers ma come begin laugh sef.


.........................................................................................................


GIST TWO
NIGHT RAT

Back then in boarding school some people used to be very stingy and hated sharing their things with others especially food. In SS3 we had a roommate who usually woke up around 1a.m when everyone  was asleep, climb on top the locker were our boxes and bags were kept to eat his provisions just so nobody could beg him. 

We didn't know and from the sounds he made while eating we thought it was a rat, cos we had many resident big rats that got Rili fat from eating our provisions. So on a particular night we planned the unfortunate "rat" (we never still know say na our roommate) 

As we heard the usual sounds around 1a.m, 6 guys including myself armed ourselves with belts and silently approached the area were the sound was coming from and since the guy hid behind boxes, he didn't see us coming. We give ourselves a signal, flogged the spot together in unity and surprisingly we heard a loud scream and the guy tumbled from ontop the locker. 

Immediately all of us throway belt, tear race out of the room dey shout "winch oo, winch oo, rat don turn to person oo".

 It was later the guy confessed that he usually ate dia to avoid begging. By then him head don swell cos him use am nack ground when him fall...



I will credit the account of whoever wins after BV Cocoz collates the gist votes for in house news next week.
I enjoyed both gists and had a good laugh but now its your turn to vote after laughing






By -

86 comments:

  1. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 14:00

    First to comment

    Dewdrop

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dee9 January 2016 at 15:03

      Gist 1 u too lie! That story no b for jos e happen park well! Na normal tory for northern part of nigeria. No one knows the origin of were it actually happened. No try thief tory go dash were e no originate frm. Everywhere in dey north u go! U will definitely hear a diff version of that story.

      Delete
    2. A GIRL HAS NO NAME9 January 2016 at 16:23

      @DEE. And so?

      Delete
  2. Seiyifa9 January 2016 at 14:04

    The first one

    ReplyDelete
  3. I Hold my side9 January 2016 at 14:04

    Hey house......
    Lemme read, brb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kayanmata (NATURAL APHRODISIAC) D623C11B... 08120062969...Order now! 9 January 2016 at 14:35

      I will vote tmao... In other news, am I the only one who finds it annoying wit ppl wrong usage of "there,their, they're, where,we're,were... " some don't even know the difference between 'safe and save'... It's annoying!

      Delete
    2. Kween BEE (the satisfier)9 January 2016 at 16:29

      It shouldn't annoy u becos no be everybody go school. Is stella's blog only for the elites? Abeg let's heaar word!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 17:12

      This is a place where people come to let their hair down and be themselves. Its not an English classroom.just laugh about it but if you must correct,write a memo to in house and stop this I too know a beg

      Delete
    4. Anonymous10 January 2016 at 01:58

      I tire for her...oya mma teashar how many millions has ur grammar made so far for u....mtcheeew

      Delete
  4. Miss Ess9 January 2016 at 14:05

    Gist 2. Night rat

    ReplyDelete
  5. STARRY LARRY9 January 2016 at 14:05

    @Poster 1, I like the way you formulated that joke into gist, I've read the gist more than 50times.

    @Poster 2, I will vote for you but still, I no laugh sha.

    IHG is gradually coming to an end or wetin happen.



    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
  6. Doppelgänger9 January 2016 at 14:05

    LMAO at gist one.
    I can imagine but those checkpoints are crazy expecially if you're travelling through the north east.
    I remember one trip where even those inside buses were asked to come down and trek, it wasn't funny at all.
    From Maiduguri to Kano, you must come down and trek at the checkpoints.

    ReplyDelete
  7. One trillion9 January 2016 at 14:05

    End time gists

    ReplyDelete
  8. SUNSHINE9 January 2016 at 14:06

    I vote gist two.
    The guy's body must have been plastered with blisters.
    Lwkm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown10 January 2016 at 04:49

      Lol. Anyone that attended boarding school will relate to that. We had stingy people who liked to hide when they want to eat. As the begging no be here..can't really blame them tho..lol. In fact we had the slang beggy beggy from school days. Even if u are drinking water someone is waiting to beg u... stretching throat and mouth..
      they'd be like.. "pls remain for me naw".. even when they don't know what u are drinking. Lol.

      I remember that indomie noodles was a contraband in those days. And because we weren't allowed to cook, people would sneak boiling ring into the hostel..senior students. But for junior students who couldn't use a boiler, you'd have to soak ur noodles in water before u can eat it. So, when someone is hiding to eat noodles u will always catch them because the smell will give them away.
      Ahaha. Come and see petching ontop noodles that won't 'belle full' u sef. Nostalgia

      Delete
  9. QUEENAMYLovesAccessBank9 January 2016 at 14:06

    Hahahajahajaha very funny jokes, will vote tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lose weight with Healthy Curves. IG @gethealthycurves. 070127465639 January 2016 at 14:07

    Gist 2.night rat

    ReplyDelete
  11. I Hold my side9 January 2016 at 14:08

    Soldier nwaku!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown9 January 2016 at 18:48

      Both gists are hilarious.will vote tomorrow though.

      Delete
  12. Unknown9 January 2016 at 14:08

    First one is a usual joke na

    ReplyDelete
  13. Unknown9 January 2016 at 14:08

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 14:09

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  15. Unknown9 January 2016 at 14:10

    Gist 2... Human Rat

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 14:10

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 15:17

      Go and learn how to spell doppelganger ist.nwa amaka
      Only u be nwa aba only u be anon by their gbagun we shall know them.

      Delete
    2. plumpy j9 January 2016 at 15:27

      If you get mind use your ID besides its a new year stop the Hatred abeg...

      Delete
  17. SUNSHINE9 January 2016 at 14:10

    Flogged together in unity is still cracking me up.
    I just recreated the whole scenerio in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ada Nwanbueze9 January 2016 at 14:11

    Jist 2

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rachel9 January 2016 at 14:12

    Gist 1

    ReplyDelete
  20. A GIRL HAS NO NAME9 January 2016 at 14:12

    Gist one sounds forged.. I smiled a bit while reading it..
    Gist two, hmmm..
    Lemme just vote not that I enjoyed any of the gifts, just to avoid spam comment..
    I vote gist 1..

    ReplyDelete
  21. OMALICHAC9 January 2016 at 14:14

    Post 2

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ice Queen9 January 2016 at 14:14

    I didn't laugh
    The first one is a popular joke evrywhere, and it is even on a comedy flick
    The second one is dry
    Both dry like kulikuli

    ReplyDelete
  23. TAC9 January 2016 at 14:14

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  24. tiwa2479 January 2016 at 14:15

    Both made it for me

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 14:15

    D first one lolzzz

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hollameedey9 January 2016 at 14:16

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  27. NORTH DAKOTA SIOBHAN (foot loose and fancy-free) 9 January 2016 at 14:18

    Gist 2 it is for me.

    It just reminded me of some characters in boarding school.
    Stingy people, they'd always beg you for your provision, and once you've run out, they hide to eat theirs.

    Chai! I remember how my band of friends and I would sneak to the hostel in the middle of class just to go and eat cereal.
    And while going back to class, I'd always scoop a spoonful of milk in my mouth, and savour it slowly.lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oil money9 January 2016 at 23:50

      Gist 2 reminds me of my roommates Nnena and Chichi back in the university. Those girls were extremely stingy. One semester during exams everyone was broke and Nnena and Chi had all their provisions intact yet they won't give anyone. They cooked a correct pot of egusi soup with large pieces of meat. Myself and another roommate stole all the meat in the soup and when the igbo girls came back they couldn't say their meat was stolen because they have been pretending to be broke as well. They just kept hissing "this room na yeye room". My vote however goes to gist 1

      Delete
    2. Unknown10 January 2016 at 04:52

      Watch them come for ur head.. "the igbo girls" wasn't necessary na..lol.

      You stole their meat ke? Omo if that was me you'd vomit it o.. since na only una dey room..ah

      Delete
  28. C.F.I9 January 2016 at 14:24

    Voting gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  29. Cynthia Iyede9 January 2016 at 14:25

    Am I the only one who doesn't find these gist interesting anymore? I don't even read them.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Jacinta mbachu 9 January 2016 at 14:27

    Stella u didn't post my joke wat happened"

    ReplyDelete
  31. God pass them9 January 2016 at 14:37

    Gist 1

    ReplyDelete
  32. vivychoco9 January 2016 at 14:45

    Number 1

    ReplyDelete
  33. vivychoco9 January 2016 at 14:46

    Number 1

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lillysimple9 January 2016 at 14:46

    Every Birthday wish I got here yesterday was a hit, back to back. Thank you guys *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oil money9 January 2016 at 23:51

      Yet no birthday present. Santa come take over

      Delete
  35. lynn9 January 2016 at 14:47

    gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  36. lynn9 January 2016 at 14:47

    gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  37. vivychoco9 January 2016 at 14:47

    Number 1

    ReplyDelete
  38. Pookie9 January 2016 at 14:51

    The first gist is stale... gist two for today

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dark Horse9 January 2016 at 14:51

    Gist 1 did it for me

    ReplyDelete
  40. Unknown9 January 2016 at 14:51

    Gist 1 lol! U formulated it well!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Thelma's cake world9 January 2016 at 14:55

    Dryyyyyy gists,I didnt laff at all

    .

    ReplyDelete
  42. christabel 9 January 2016 at 14:57

    Gist2

    ReplyDelete
  43. CUTEBUKOLAH9 January 2016 at 15:02

    No vote 2day til 2morow,buh cum 2 tink of it y is IHG boring dis days is d change era affectin it ni?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Unknown9 January 2016 at 15:05

    Gist2

    ReplyDelete
  45. Unknown9 January 2016 at 15:14

    Gist 2 I guess

    ReplyDelete
  46. Rosblis Cakes Onitsha: WhatsApp: 07039599308. IG: @Rosbliscakes. For ur bespoke/novelty/wedding cakes, trainings et al.9 January 2016 at 15:19

    That first gist is just a usual joke but u try change ahm to gist shaa...gist 2 I laugh well bt no vote yet till tomorrow gists land....

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 15:27

    Gist 1

    ReplyDelete
  48. Unknown9 January 2016 at 15:27

    The second

    ReplyDelete
  49. plumpy j9 January 2016 at 15:31

    Gist 1 made me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  50. New Girl9 January 2016 at 15:31

    GIST 2

    ReplyDelete
  51. June9 January 2016 at 15:37

    I don't like Saturday in house gist, I just don't know why. Maybe cos of forged gists or something. I feel like they're messing with my head. bye

    ReplyDelete
  52. Unknown9 January 2016 at 16:37

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  53. maddie9 January 2016 at 16:40

    Every joke here is no longer a hit for me! From gist 1 to gist 2!!! Even up till 2mao's gist! Ko ni dafun iyalaya Enibody..."in house gist ni taking over"....lmao

    ReplyDelete
  54. Paris9 January 2016 at 16:41

    I vote gist 1

    ReplyDelete
  55. hhoyyinn9 January 2016 at 17:39

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  56. DK9 January 2016 at 18:53

    I vote for gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous9 January 2016 at 18:55

    They are both dry, so will wait till tmr to vote.

    Gist 1: that ur gist was stolen/copied. Do u know how many years ago we heard it. Try well next time.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Duchess9 January 2016 at 19:15

    Gist two make sense perhaps cos I attended boarding house with similar experience

    ReplyDelete
  59. OLORI9 January 2016 at 19:19

    Gist 2 for now till tomorrow...

    ReplyDelete
  60. IG - @Hairbyniyot_ (08135891923)9 January 2016 at 19:28

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  61. nzubeizuu9 January 2016 at 20:02

    Mtsheeeeew

    ReplyDelete
  62. Unknown9 January 2016 at 21:33

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete
  63. Unknown9 January 2016 at 21:40

    Gist 1

    ReplyDelete
  64. DuchDuch9 January 2016 at 22:21

    Will vote tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
  65. MAMACITA10 January 2016 at 02:56

    Gist 2 cracked me up big time. Well done to both gisters sha.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Unknown10 January 2016 at 14:01

    Gist 2

    ReplyDelete

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