Saturday In House Gists...

Saturday in house gists compilation.....toh badt..hehehehehe

hopefully there will be part two tomorrow but for now that is all there is from the folder.

Enjoy!

GIST ONE...

SISTER JOY

My room mate told us the gist,hope it makes y'all laugh.

The compound where she lives is a 2 storey building. E get one girl

sis joy(not real name)wey dey always form 'holy art thou',she dey stay

with one husband and  wife(her relation)wey be strong christian.Anytime

dem travel sis joy go carry guys come house.E get one day wey this her

relation travel na im sis joy invite one guy(Jerry) come house (Jerry

don visit her once before). 

On that fateful day,e be like say sis Joy and Jerry village people remember them,na im Jerry come miss road.

Instead make he go last floor,he come go 2nd floor enter another

person house. As he enter the house, the owner of the house see am

come de ask am "who im de find", for where, Jerry no see or hear the

man cos he already de fantasy land de imagine  the kin tin he go

enjoy.Na so he just de smile de waka straight with the nylon bag wey

he carry for hand towards where room dey, and the owner of the house

talk say im wife dey the room. 

Na so the owner of the house shock and confuse,come carry something stone Jerry and start to dey shout "thief thief". Na then Jerry come back from fantasy world to reality start to dey run for im life. As he run de almost reach gate,na im

neighbourhood boys enter start to dey pursue am. My roommate papa open

door wan come see wetin dey happen for outside,na im he see jerry wey

dem dey pursue dey run wan come enter im house. Na so her papa

sharperly enter house jam the door lock am with bolt. All this while

sis joy no come out, she still dey inside house dey wait for her

visitor. 

The boys catch Jerry come start to dey beat am ,as dem de

beat am Jerry dey shout say 'he no be thief oo',all the apple and

banana wey he carry for nylon don scatter finish for ground. Sis joy

finally come outside to come see wetin dey happen cos the noise don

too much, na im she see say na Jerry wey she dey house dey wait  dem

dey beat. She come shout tell dem say jerry no be thief say na she he

come find,na so she use shame pack the apple and banana come carry

Jerry enter house.

 I dey sure say she go compensate jerry wella(if you know what i mean*wink*). Sis joy no wait for her relation to come back ooo,na so she pack her things run comot for house.

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GIST TWO

WHY IS YOU DEY COPYING ME?

I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.

She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.

We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, “What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!

Na so I shout “Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!”

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GIST THREE

HUH?

My five years old niece Sharon, she ought to have left school with the 1st school bus which will drop her in front of her their house but she waited for the 2nd bus because she wanted to go to her mums  office so when the bus arrived she followed the bus, she dropped in front of her mums school and went straight down to her mums office.

     When she got there she met her mums H.O.D he told her ''iya ee tilole'', so he wanted to call her mum but Sharon had already gone straight down to the gate ,the gateman saw her and asked her where she was going she said she wanted to go and take a bike going to arigbagbola straight down he asked her how much was with her she said #10.

huh?
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GIST FOUR

JIBIRI JIBIRI

Good morning Stella and happy holidays. This is my gist.

This happened a few years ago and I thought I should share. 

On this day, I and my to-be wife went to visit a mutual friend who just got married, to partake in the euphoria of a new life. So when we got there we exchanged pleasantries and threw a few banters. Then the new couple served us a sumptuous lunch of oha soup with a lot of meat. I was eating with my ge', while the host couple was eating together. Suddenly my babe spat the meat she was chewing into her hands -pua and started shouting 'ngozi , kee odi anu di  nkea, aaah, o na eme jibiri jibiri  n'onum'( ngozi, what type of meat is this, it's doing jibiri jibiri in my mouth).

 She was persistent  with this querry. I was seriously embarrassed because that was the sweetest meat i ever tasted. But you cant believe that instead of the couple being embarrassed like me, they looked at each other and burst into a large loud laugh. Confused, I took another bite on the meat and so sweet was it that I became angry with every body in the house for their different reactions. I then insisted that they tells us what type of meat they served us. Then the guy said, sweetie tell them now. No, you tell them after all you are a man and you have been saying it here since you bought it.

So, my friend said, well, i will say it after all we are all adults here. 'Nnaa, anu a bu ortu nnama' (my friend this meat is cow tohtoh). At this, my babe shouted ..'nnam Eme oo, chai, e rielam yaeee'( my papa Eme, I have eaten it oo). Then she said, 'but this is so sweetoo. Is it what I missed all these years with my arrogance? She then demanded for mor and then gave us the gist of jibiri jibiri.

According to her, her dad was a meson and any day he went for a job, he normally came back with big chunk of meat. So on this day, he came back with meat larger than he used to bring. Three of us daughters were always with our mum during cooking time. So nnam Emeh came into the kitchen and dropped this heavy load and said, obi diya, Iihe a bu ortu nnama, were ya sie ofe oha( obi di ya, this is cow tohtoh cook oha soup with it). 

Angry,  my mum said, onye iberibe, talking anyhow even before your children to which the old man murmured some inaudible words and left. Instantly she told the mother that she won't eat the meat even after she explained that she would take extra time to clean and prepare it. So later, while eating , her younger sister encouraged her to eat the meat because it is very sweet and is doing jibiri jibiri in the mouth all to no avail.

The next time the dad came back with cow blokos which my babe still refused to eat. Her dad was so angry that he blurted out ' e sie ortu nnama gi  ju, e sie  amu nnama gi  ju, nwata a ga gbara gi oso n'uloa( them cook cow tohtoh you reject, them cook cow blokos you reject, we go run for you for this house?)

 From then on any day pa Eme bought ortu nnama, he with buy the thickest canda for my babe as the entire family voted for ortu  nnama above other types of meat.

So back home from that our visit, till date, any day I want to eat ortu nnama, all i only tell my babe is "today na jibiri jibiri' and she buys it in the market. Nobody present will understand what I mean. Trust me, this jibiri jibiri cow meat is as sweet in the mouth as the human own is to the man's small mouth.

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GIST FIVE

SPIRIT IN MY EYES

Lol am new on SDK blog dunno if I should call this in house gist or another name..But i've got one gist for you and hope am able to make you laugh after you've read my story..

I attended a boarding school and in Jss1 I had this new roommate that joined our room so we were all going through her stuff while she was unpacking and she brought out a bottle of spirit and I went closer and she kinda shifted the spirit and so the spirit entered my eyes and I started screaming ...

.....so I ran to the health centre in school when I got there the nurse on duty was sleeping and I woke her up and I she was like what's the problem and I was shouting spirit, spirit! And when she heard spirit she jumped up and was so frightened and she asked me where is the spirit and i told her that the spirit is inside my eyes and the woman was so scared and I started explaining that it was just that spirit they sell in pharmacy and she got relaxed and gave me drugs with plenty vitamin C..Lol that's the end of my story ‎hope it wasn't boring

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GIST SIX

CHICKEN RUN

I now know I'm ready to become a professional runner( serious face)..... All thanks to my mum's chickens.

So recently after my usual routine, (since I got back home) I decided to have breakfast/lunch. I remembered I had a lil stew and a big piece of meat I had hidden from everyone in the house.(lol)

I also had to prepare lunch for everyone but I was so hungry. So I decided to boil a few pieces of potatoes to eat with my stew while I prepared general lunch.

I really wanted to eat that potatoe and meat alone and I kept praying no one would come home when I would be eating it. But it seemed the devil was out to punish me cos not too long after I placed the pot on heat, my elder brother (bigfoodie *sideeyes*) came back. "Which kain bad market be dis".... I thought to myself.

I kept calm like a naija ninja geh(hehe) and quietly after the potatoe was ready I slipped to the backyard to feast on my meal jejely. I was eating my food quietly and then all of my mum's chickens decided it was the right time to stroll to the backyard.

I kept on "shushing" them away(the chickens) and I guess my bro heard my voice and decided to come check on me. Immediately I saw him I frowned my face like someone who had severe constipation in a bid to scare him away( but this badosky brother of mine had sighted my food already and there was no turning back for him now).

I told him plainly that I would not give.... He proceeded to beg for a bite from my meat (but all the tissues in my skin kept screaming murder!) However I finally let him take a bite( painful something).

Just after my brother left the backyard, I decided to go check the food I was preparing for the house and so I dropped my food where I was seated and walked inside(big MISTAKE). Only for me to return to find my mum's chicken eating my food. I chased them away angrily but one of the chicken's took along with it my meat!

"Ah my meat! My meat! I no gree" I kept on screaming as I gave the chicken a hot pursuit ( the demonic chicken stuck really hard to the meat through out my chase).I think I chased the chicken round my house for close to 20mins.....you needed to have seen me flying and running ( at that point I'm sure Usain bolt had nothing on me walahi!).

Meanwhile throughout  my ordeal, my bro kept laughing and begging me but I was so pissed that I screamed at him(you know that kain annoyance na). At that point I had resolved to kill one of the chicken's as revenge,  as I couldn't remember which one of them stole my meat. It seemed they knew how pissed I was cos all of them went into hiding.

My mum compensated me when she came home only after she had had a good laugh and besides the compensation sef can never be like the meat my bro and chicken's deprived me of.

I just thought I should share with you all my ordeal.

PS: I'm still collecting compensation o! Cos the thing pain me well well and e still dey pain me sef! So anyone who wants to buy me a truck load of meat should inbox me lol( serious face)......