Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHRONICLES OF A BROKEN HEARTED WOMAN
Dear Stella,
I would like to remain anonymous but wish you publish this, I can't even believe I am doing this...sending in my own chronicle .
what I need basically is advice from you and fellow blog visitors. I dated a guy for 4 years and we are married now, we got married in April this year, my marriage is 8months now Stella and I am already giving up.
I want to quit but I am not financially independent yet if I choose to leave now how do I cope or even get money to get a place? my husband is not a rich guy he is just a normal hustling guy trying to find his feet and I lost my job the same month after my wedding. It has not been easy at all trying to cope with being broke and all my husband does the basics like providing for the house and all but apart from that he feels he owes me nothing asides that.
I am even considerate I never ask for too much I try to manage with him and live within his means I try to play the good wife that expects nothing and asks for nothing but u know what Stella my husband doesn't even appreciate me, he doesn't even know my worth he treats me like he's doing me a favour and he doesn't care if I leave him or not he doesn't even make efforts to make the marriage work he acts so non-challant towards me and treats me with so much levity my self esteem is actually dropping and I feel so less of myself most times I feel like I made a mistake or I should have just waited a little time and someone better would have come along.
I lower my standards for him and he knows but he just acts like it's my choice and so what's the biggie. My husband is not even my best friend I can't even share my dreams and my fears with my husband cos he's never interested he is always busy in his own world enjoying he's own company I have so many things bottled up inside me but nobody to talk to, since I lost.
My job my husband has never for one day asked me how I am coping or what I intend to do and he knows I am job haunting. He never comfortable with us going out together when we go out together he's always aggressive and acting like I forced him to go out. My husband never ever compliments me or says nice things to make me happy all he does is say things to make me unhappy or pull me down my self esteem is really dropping. Whenever we are out together or around my friends he's never comfortable he acts strange,like he has a complex.
I hardly even know anything about him he keeps to himself he doesn't tell me anything going on in his life or job. But I noticed he's comfortable with other people talking to them about himself but with me his wife NO WAY!
My husband doesn't even like my family he's never comfortable around them he doesn't keep in touch with my mum and I am the only child of my mum, he never shows her love or even respect Stella ,everything is just somehow .
how can I possibly stay married to a man that hates my mother?whenever my mum is praying for him he never says amen he said its cos my mum did not want me to marry him and. So what every mother wants the best for her child besides that is over now cos my mum didn't want me to marry him but am I not married to him today? It's just so unfortunate I can't even mention this to my mum she will say did I not tell you? Its just so sad that I found myself in this situation and I have been complaining to him and telling him how I feel but he has refused to change he just goes from bad to worse.
Stella I don't even feel like I have a husband cos there is no bond, no communication nothing I just feel so incomplete and lonely. We live in the same house but I still feel lonely and alone. I don't know what to do I feel like leaving I am still job haunting and hope for God to bless me with a job soon. He never encourages me or support my dreams if I tell him I want to do something he won't support all he does. Is just say things to discourage me and bring me down.
Please Stella I need your advice cos this is affecting me psychologically and emotionally. Infact I am broken! Cos at this point he has finally succeeded in bringing out the beast in me and I am no longer going to lower my standards for him and i am going to treat him exactly the same way he treats me.
Let me read comments cos if i tell you the truth about this nonsense you just narrated eeeh.
You let a man bring you down to zero level?if he doesnt compliment you,dont you have a mirror?if he stopped telling you he loves you,dont you love yourself?
Whining and nagging never helped anyone-WTF!
I have one question to ask you
WHY IN JESUS NAME DID YOU MARRY THIS MAN?
Like i said,let me read comments before i raise my hands and...
 |
| YOU |
Fix it Jesus
ReplyDeleteLove does not cost anything. Kind words and deeds do not cost anything. The real beauty of the world is equal for everyone to see. It was given by God equally to all, without restrictions.
DeleteEveryone, was given a beautiful vehicle in which to express love to others. Feelings are free to express and give to ourselves and each other through our willingness to give and care.
What is complicated about this... Why have we made others feel they have to climb mountains and swim oceans in order to make a difference.
All we need to understand my friends, is that human life was given equally to us all, not partially but in totality.
The sun was given to all. It does not shine on the few. So, just has nature is indifferent to our station or situation, we need to know that we are all equal. We need to focus on the things that are constant and not place our values on things that can be blown away with the next, great, wind.
Value life in what ever house it dwells. For when it comes time that we are all stripped to bare bones before the divine and facing eternity, we will understand that the only law we were meant to follow, was to love ourselves and each other. Nothing more...nothing less.
Love does not cost anything. Kind words and deeds do not cost anything. The real beauty of the world is equal for everyone to see. It was given by God equally to all, without restrictions.
DeleteEveryone, was given a beautiful vehicle in which to express love to others. Feelings are free to express and give to ourselves and each other through our willingness to give and care.
What is complicated about this... Why have we made others feel they have to climb mountains and swim oceans in order to make a difference.
All we need to understand my friends, is that human life was given equally to us all, not partially but in totality.
The sun was given to all. It does not shine on the few. So, just has nature is indifferent to our station or situation, we need to know that we are all equal. We need to focus on the things that are constant and not place our values on things that can be blown away with the next, great, wind.
Value life in what ever house it dwells. For when it comes time that we are all stripped to bare bones before the divine and facing eternity, we will understand that the only law we were meant to follow, was to love ourselves and each other. Nothing more...nothing less.
@poster, *nonchalant and *job hunting. And no, the problem didn't start after you guys were married, it started right from your relationship and you chose to overlook it. I can perceive that you nag n whine. Desist from such...men hate it. Why do u always say that you are lowering your standard for him? That action of yours is getting to him..stop with the emasculation, both of you are equal. You walk with your nose in the air and generally feel dissatisfied about everything. Work on yourself. Change your attitude n perception about things. Most importantly, appreciate n love yourself. Remember to quit nagging n whining o.
DeleteWhen we practically advice you ladies not 2 marry or date a broke ass nigga, u will be singing love conquers all.
DeleteMay love conquer your problems..
Had it been you married a rich guy or at least guy has one or two establishment, u will be singing a different song now....his money will be your best friend.
Is well
Hmmmm, o so si mi lenu, o bu iyo si... will read comments
DeleteOmasiri... your stupidity is on another level!
DeleteEya
ReplyDeleteAll I see is you dated for 4yrs.. *sad sigh* Not to beat u when u are already down so moving on.. but 1 thing I know is my mum loves me and wants the best for me.. I don't need her to validate my every move but the moment she says this thing I dont want. This thing I dont like.. I retrace my steps..
DeleteChronicles don land ohhhh!
ReplyDelete******LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS******
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYay chronicles
DeleteMadam, you are married so remove the thought of leaving. You need to get sometime to do, job, biz, even free online courses. You need to be occupied. You need to love yourself, dress nicely for you, try new shade of lipstick like tomatored, download cool funny movies, eat your icecream, and enjoy life. You came to the world alone n you would die alone so why die while living? As for your husband,pray for him bit don't push him, don't hate him hence ur bp would rise. Don't cheat oh! And just act normal around him but don't be pushy towards him. Love yourself some more honey and ditch the pity party. He should come around.
DeleteMa'am calm down. Go to the Lord in prayer, don't discuss your marriage with anyone, not everyone is happy with you and want you happy. Lookout for free skills to learn here, if job is not coming now, learn something. Men hates liability. Look into the mirror and say Thank you Lord for making me beautiful. Be happy, the lord is your strength.
DeleteYou just narrated attributes of an end time husband. Anyways make I advice you, all you need is prayers, to get a job and also get his love back. But seriously why did you marry him? Dint you see all this signs or you were too blind in love?
DeleteEmjay first to comment without reading and myself first to comment. Make I go back and read jare.
DeleteMadam u saw the green light didn't u, u still shook ur head put inside, hiannnnnnnnn, take a walk woman.
DeleteSmh
DeleteNNE Bia!
DeleteU dated this guy for 4years? I knowbu noticed most of this things but u gave deaf ears to them. How in earth will he compliment u now when he never did while dating.
Madam your mom told u not to marry him, u stupidly told him what she said because u were blinded. Oya see what it resulted to.
My Candid advice is for u to focus more on yourself, love your self like no one ever did. From house keep money. Squeeze out n buy yourself good clothing.
Secondly. EDIT your CV. most employer might not call u for interview because u are married. Change it to SINGLE. Go for interviews without your Ring. When u get a good job, better things will occupy your mind.
Live your life like he doesn't exist. But don't deny him S*X
Why did you marry him at first? That was the question on my mind as I was reading through. You didn't tell us what transpired before marriage. This marriage sounds like you were the one desperate for marriage and for him to be treating you that way, you kind of forced him to marry you. Because it's just eight months o. How can he not even respect your mum, is he mad or high on shit? What is wrong with you poster? Leave the dude jare if you are not happy. I'm sure you were one of those girls who wanted to marry cos her mated were marrying and now see.
DeleteNOW to my piece of advice.
Even though I hate divorce, I have come to discover that everyone deserves happiness. Now you see that he is not all you knew.
First, tell him you want a divorce, people will talk as usual but your happiness and pride matters a lot. Are you a Christian? Pray and intensify your job search, I know you'll get one. Leave him to be pompous in his world, not like he has anything and he will be doing as if he owns the world.
But come to think of it, do you do the right things a woman should do? Are you neat, clean, courageous, intelligent? Dyu nag? I'm not supporting just for the fact that he doesn't even respect your mum.
Just tell him you want out and what happens from there. You need to work on your self esteem also dear. It's important.
May God give you wisdom to handle this the right way.
Madam leave if you want to leave, stay if you want to stay.....broken home everywhere, hian!, buh iss it that there's no more good husband/boyfriend in nigeria again....?
DeleteDo not commit adultery I mean...
DeleteMy thought is if you guys dated for four years and he didn't exhibit these characters until now, then he's being vindictive for something you did or your mum did. You can try to find out from him, have a dialogue with him.
Pray as well, put all these in God's hands, I don't like break ups except unrepentant cheating and domestic violence is involved. All the best.
Jesus is Lord.
And you dated for 4 years?
DeleteMadam sorry ooo.. I dnt knw wt to say to u. But as per dt aspect of ur mum not accepting your husband's intentions to marry u and d subsequent reaction from your husband, I dnt blame him oo.. its only natural. My husband's mum neva wntd me 2marru her son. She said I ws short(note this is somebody i'm taller than oo).. but thank God hubby has a mind of his own. Now, d woman jst d find my face up and down.. always calling and watsapping me. I no kuku get her time. I simply jst gv her d respect, but I dnt wnt her friendship, simple. And b4 u guys go on about how I wil hv son's and bla bla bla, well, her action den taught me to neva judge people and not hinder people's chances at happiness. So I wunt evn try 2 stop my children 4rm marrying dia choices because d pesn is short or for one nonsense reason. Dia has to b a serious reason. I cnt evn begin to recall wt dt woman's reason did to me. If i'm not d type dt cnt easily b broken, d woman wud hv sacrificed my self esteem on d platter of her wagging tongue. Mtcheeeeeewww!! Ds jst got me vexed!!
DeleteStella you are too harsh.
DeleteHaba !!!
Baby girl you have entered one chance.
Please go closer to God and draw your value from him.
Don't worry about your husband .
Make sure you learn how to practice the presence of God and. Make God your best friend
Allow God to comfort you.
The bible says that whosoever trusts in God shall not be moved.
Keep on keeping on
Pray for your husband.
Ask the Holy Spirt to arrest him.
You can leave the house for some time to detoxify
But all in all , remeber God loves you and cares about you.
Much love nne.
I am here to read comments
DeletePoster I think,it's too late asking dis"didnt u see dis signs b4 saying I do"
DeleteU ALONE CAN MAKE. URSELF HAPPY) for starters occupy ur mind wt Sometin postive e.g pick a skill to learn while jod hunting.
Truth is,u are also thinking and acting jst like him.pls dnt bring urself to dat level.it will only lead to violence.
Pls ignore his nonsense. Be prayerful.if u need someone to talk to,feel d gap by making ur mum ur best friend
He is probably resenting,becos he feels ur joblessness is a liabiliy on him.
Give it time and watch his reaction after u get a job too.(becos I can't advise u to divorce) becos I still feel d situation can be remedy.
Wat do I knw. Pls take it easy.
P1: This man didn't change over night. U saw all d signs in ur 4 yrs of dating, didn't u?But u went ahead becos u were so in love that u believed he would change, right?4 yrs is long enough to know/study a man's character.
DeleteU shld hav started ur narrative from d beginning. Now, ur eyes have been opened to d fact dat maybe u shld have waited for d 'right' person.
Ur mom saw these traits and she disapproved. So did u but love, u were desperately in love u didn't listen to anything or anyone but ur heart, abi? Ur eyes don clear now, abi?
Sweetheart, Marriage is a serious business. A sacred union. U don't just walk in and walk out. And u knew exactly wot u were walking into...
Sorry I maybe sounding insensitive tho I am not, just dat I feel so strongly u are d architect of ur problem. U could have saved urself from this heart break if u did d wise thing from d beginning..walk away.
If a man doesn't change before marriage, he won't change after it unless God turns him around. So just pray God wil restore ur marriage. He mends that which is broken when u give it to Him and ur man is no exception.
Don't give up just yet. 8 months! Wow!why not take this matter to God? Patience, faith, perseverance...u need them now.
Mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
At one point in time you would have noticed his bad attitude,and you even had priviledge of a mother advising you!!but you choose to ignore..The smoke you see when dating becomes a full blown fire when married,,anyway marriage on its own is not a bed roses,so ill advice you talk to him in peace environment..
DeleteAm just a single lady,what do I know*smile*
Operation #BringBackOurLove. What kind of Marriage is this?
DeleteBe right back. Will read comments
ReplyDeleteU dated him for 4 yrs and u didn't notice all these signs? Maybe u did but love is indeed blind I your case. I believe that u should still confind in your mum, no matter her kicking against the marriage. Just call her and tell her every thing like daughter and mother, I believe she will guide u in the right step.
DeleteI stopped reading half way cos I cldnt be bothered by d nonsense written above.
DeleteY IN GOD'S NAME DID U GET MARRIED IN THE 1ST PLACE? You knew all this bt yet went ahead to get married
Abeg u are the cause of your predicament...deal with it
Why did you marry him at first? That was the question on my mind as I was reading through. You didn't tell us what transpired before marriage. This marriage sounds like you were the one desperate for marriage and for him to be treating you that way, you kind of forced him to marry you. Because it's just eight months o. How can he not even respect your mum, is he mad or high on shit? What is wrong with you poster? Leave the dude jare if you are not happy. I'm sure you were one of those girls who wanted to marry cos her mated were marrying and now see.
DeleteNOW to my piece of advice.
Even though I hate divorce, I have come to discover that everyone deserves happiness. Now you see that he is not all you knew.
First, tell him you want a divorce, people will talk as usual but your happiness and pride matters a lot. Are you a Christian? Pray and intensify your job search, I know you'll get one. Leave him to be pompous in his world, not like he has anything and he will be doing as if he owns the world.
But come to think of it, do you do the right things a woman should do? Are you neat, clean, courageous, intelligent? Dyu nag? I'm not supporting just for the fact that he doesn't even respect your mum.
Just tell him you want out and what happens from there. You need to work on your self esteem also dear. It's important.
May God give you wisdom to handle this the right way.
I have dated and dated and became single, I now understand that anything a man will show u when you r marry him is already showing now you re dating. Just look at the small signs. Don't hope for change because it never comes. Anyway you need solution right now and not blame. Just try to appreciate yourself. I am the master of silent treatment. I can ignore a person till he or she fades away no matter how hard. Ignore his foolish ass. Try to make yourself happy. Even if u r not try and act happy in his presence. Like excited. Do your duties as a wife but nne ignore him totally. If he has sense and still has an atom of love for u he would want to draw close to find out where you are getting your happiness from. I think he feels you can't live without him. Act like you can. No matter how hard. And look for job harder no matter what. Just start doing something. Good luck hun.
DeleteThese are all the things I felt in my previous relationship except the mother part.A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.Maybe we need to listen and weigh our parents advises atimes.I had to quit though it's not being easy.I don't know how to go about in advising you.This marriage of a thing is scary.
Delete#bekindtooneanother
....brb
ReplyDeleteIts better you tighten your belt and look for what to keep you busy and earn you money, he is acting like that because he is the only one bringing money home. Stop looking for complement and face your life. Besides don't you see the signs before you married him?
DeleteDon't you think you should direct this speech to your husband?
DeleteMany women are fond of speaking without communicating?
Some don't even bother talking. And some men make the mistake of not asking. He might provide the basic but neglect the other personal needs of yours because he may not be the kind that bothers to ask, he may be very simple minded and feel that if there's a problem, you should speak out. The day you unburden yourself, you will be very surprised he had no idea you feel this way.
The man may just be hustling, trying to make investments and build his family and become aa bit self-contained. It is your duty to draw him out like "hello, I'm here". Some men don't even know the importance of compliments, concern over little things and being doting. Not everyone grew up in that background. Why not help him by making him know that he is neglecting something very fundamental.
Did you guys attend marriage courses and counselling before marriage? If so, didn't they teach you about different temperaments? Your orientation and nature is obviously different from his. Doesn't mean it can't work but for it to work, there has to be
-understanding
-a will to make it work.
Because I'm sure the poor man doesn't even know there is a problem. Will wake up next to you everyday thinking you are okay. He probably loves you so much but is not very expressive.
I don't like your tone and many people will slate you for it. You sound too self entitled,
-you're your mum's only child and you're used to attention.
-You lost your job and are so frustrated and it's getting to you in everyway
-You are taking what you have for granted.
Everything in your life shouldn't be about 'me, me, me'. Have you asked your hubby if he is happy? How his hustle is going? What he wants from you? What to do to please him? You're in your own cloud and refuse to look down. What makes you assume he is okay and you're the only one with a problem?
You have to cure your penchant for attention, moodswings and your tendency to give up on a problem fast because you cannot solve it. If you don't do this, you will leave a man that loves you and keep moving around men because you have a fundamental problem.
While you are at it, disentangle yourself a bit from your mother if you want your marriage to last. Not liking your mother is not the same as not loving you. You are married now, you have left your parents and siblings and cleaved to a man to be one. I'm not saying that his beef with your mum is legit, I'm only saying that you should stop making excuses and work on your marriage. Marriage is not a bond you walk in and out of like a market square with many stalls. You tried and tried to convince us and make us see reasons why you should divorce but failed.
Work on yourself and your marriage so you don't leave a vacuum for satan to enter and exploit because you are very vulnerable now.
While you're at it, watch "confessions of a marriage counsellor" by Tyler Perry. Maybe you'll learn one or two things too. Cheers
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteJoblesshousewife
What happened?...
DeleteYou are late today...
Am here
ReplyDeleteJust 8months of marriage
DeleteMadam I will read comment on your case
It is well
ReplyDeleteihiagwa
ReplyDelete#GODWIN™
4 years dating yet you couldn't marry your best friend. What were you two doing in those years? Just having sex or what?
ReplyDeleteWhen you leave your marriage what next? What happens to the next guy you meet.
Marry your best friend people.marriage is not a day affair, you all can't keep running out every time problema arise.
Those of us that are still single are many o don't come and add to our number mbok.
So, for the 4years you guys dated, you saw no signs or what?
ReplyDeleteYour narrative didn't make me mad. I just felt sorry for you. Take heart. I hope you get a job soon, if that's what it takes to make you leave this sham of a marriage.
The way I love my beautiful self ehn, I don't know what anybody thinks he can do to reduce my esteem, just even a tiny bit.
Please don't get pregnant o.
Leave.
ReplyDeleteWhen women are adviced to live for themselves and ignore these men cos no amount of talking to some of them will reset their brain it seems like oh! U don't want her to be happy.Sometimes, even talking, begging, crying, nagging never sort anything.What to do? Love ur own self, yes u lost ur job but most of our mothers hustled like crazy to raise us so as not to be insulted by these men.If it's already this bad my sweetie pls don't cry, no man is worth losing ur self esteem over, ud learn that later and probably the hard way when all love might be gone.U need to find something, anything and do it.In the mean time, don't be in a hurry to have a child cos ur child could be treated worse and that will break ur heart.Peace be with you princess.
ReplyDeleteBiko biko biko madam,did u guys not see d signs b4 u got married nee?geraway pls.
ReplyDeleteHmm marriage troubles
ReplyDeleteTo me this is not marriage. What a crap i just read. Haba marriage is meant to be enjoyed naw. He doesnt care about you nor ur family so what re u still doing. Nne u re just married to ur self. Abeg i cant deal. Broke ass people every where. Haba.kpelle
ReplyDeleteDon't let a man bring you down. You can live your life while still married to him.
ReplyDeleteProve to him you are better than him joor.
Don't worry, you'll get a job soon and you are going to have something to take your mind off all these and all will be well, but pls do not fornicate!
Jesus is Lord.
What can I say??? Pray and pray harder. In other news, bv's in Nairobi please contact me. I want to do good this Christmas.
ReplyDeleteLucinda
Poster your mum warned you about him but you turned a deaf ear...
ReplyDeleteDidn't you see the signs before getting married to a broke ass?...
Poor men are always bitter and miserable...I keep advising you guys here to run away from them but una no go hear...
Marriage is for better and for worse!...you have married him and there is no going back!...
If I am your mum,I won't allow you into my house lai lai...
Go and carry your cross cos there is nothing outside...all those men deceiving you outside won't marry you...they will just fuck you and dump you!....
Where both of u forced to marry each other?
ReplyDeleteSeems like there was no love...
Who trapped who into marriage?
Or is there something u ain't saying....
But you must have seen all these attitudes before you married him na, did he change overnight?
ReplyDeleteGet a job pls. There are jobs out there, I tell you, just search the internet, you'll surely get something. Do you have a linkedin account??? Pls register if you have not.
Make new friends, go out often, cinemas, shopping malls etc. You and only you is in charge of your happiness, don't limit it to your hubby or any other person for that matter...Life is too short darling.
I honestly feel no pity for you cuz from ur narrative,u are d cause of your problem,why wallow inself pity,ask yourself was he showing traces of a goat before you Marr ied him?desperation is Wat pushes most ladies and u act blind to what u shud run from.i ve ur type as friends.my friend date man Date for 4month never buy u gift money or dash u money pass 4k. And it's that kind of a pig my friend wanna die ontop,i pity some ladies shiorrr
ReplyDelete*In Stella's voice again* Why did you marry this man?? u dated him for 4 yrs and still didn't know he's such a Person?? na wah ooo.... Sorry dear.
ReplyDeleteSee Okpo ngaji. So you did not know your husband was an ass during the 4 years of dating. ..you want to claim you never saw the signs abi? Women be jumping into marriage like they're gonna receive a lifetime achievement award for it and when they discover that marriage is nothing but an overrated, overemphasised bondage, they begin to tell stories that touch. Nonsense.
ReplyDeleteDid you not date him before you married him? What sort of dating was that? Proxy? What sort of nonsense chronicle is this? Abeg shift.
ReplyDeleteThis is long sha
ReplyDeleteSelf love is the only solution. start teaching work no matter how small the pay is, at least you will be meeting people. Then pray harder.
ReplyDeleteEmjay, thunder must fire you, youre a cheap whore for making that statement yesterday.
ReplyDeleteWow
ReplyDeleteWhy marry him in the first place? You dated for four years? What the hell were you two doing together then?
Nawa o
Hmm..I guess the signs were there from the very beginning but u choose to ignore them.. God will see you through
ReplyDeleteLady, you married this man against the warning of your people. Now he is showing his colors. You can either start making an effort to become a fool to make your marriage work or leave. It is that simple. Don't get pregnant yet.
ReplyDeleteI think I have a chronicle too...I love my cute fiance crazy but i'm attracted to his brother. He's the cutest thing ever...with tiny pink lips and puppy eyes. They are Americans anyways...still wondering how I would tell my swahili speaking, Kenyan dad about him. Bv's please advise.
ReplyDeleteLucinda
F**k his brother n marry ur fiance.. Nonsense...
DeletePoster pls do not let anyone bring u down ok.. Always pray & pls try get something doing even if na to learn work abeg
ReplyDeleteSometimes I dey tire for dis chronicles! I ve noticed 90percent of d women dt send in chronicles re out of a job and cnt leave their husbands cos they don't knw where to start from! Let me tell u d problem! The problem is dt u ve become a liability and Ur husbands ve noticed dt u re nufin without them! Hence they treat u like nufin! Solution: find something doing! Make. Friends, ask relatives for money! But ve a plan and start working on it! By the time Ur husband sees u doing well on Ur own, his brain wud reset! Finish!
ReplyDeleteMany things are really happening in our country. Broken homes, broken hearts. When will we learn to be patient or when will the men treat us regards. This kind of chronicles are not helping matters especially for us the single ones.
ReplyDeleteMany things are really happening in our country. Broken homes, broken hearts. When will we learn to be patient or when will the men treat us regards. This kind of chronicles are not helping matters especially for us the single ones.
ReplyDeleteDo people REALLY pray,talk 2 God and ask for convictions b4 going into marriage??
ReplyDeleteCathryn Praise
Just one of those that actually felt marriage is a special drug that'd fix those lost things in the relationship... cus you cnt tell me he changed drastically. Such union has already failed b4 kicking off... well, ure an aduly, you alone wearing the shoe wld be able to tell if divorce wld make u happy.
ReplyDeleteAbeg ur story is too long to read, u see y I advice against dating/marrying broke guys, pepper body too dry worry them, marriage is for better for worse so die there or better still look for a rich sugar daddy to foot ur bills and forget abt ur hobby's attitude.
ReplyDeleteGod help we women oooo
ReplyDeleteDidn't you notice all this before you married the man? He must have been acting this way towards you before he married you
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow! Sweetie, I don't want to say you made a mistake. The main issue now should be how best to patch things. If you treat him like he treats you, you guys will eventually get divorced. First things first, talk to God, He's your best friend. Secondly continue with your job hunt cos you need something to keep you busy. Thirdly, you need trusted wise friends. Fourthly, don't force him into doing anything with you. Most importantly, start building your self esteem -read books and tell yourself what you are. It's going to be ok
ReplyDeleteBabe first of all learn to love yourself as Stella has said. If he doesn't complement or want to talk to please let him be. Look fine for yourself and just be happy. am telling you tour case is not that bad, try to work on your marriage and pray to God about it.it could also be due to the fact that you don't have something doing now that makes you notice these little things. Get busy it doesn't have to be a job, find something to do. Talk to your friends, family anyone you think can help, dont just sit down and complain cos it wont help you a bit.
ReplyDeletebabe your issue is nothing please, Just get busy and be prayerful. I believe things will work out.
Did you really date your husband for 4years and didn't see any signs of these characters he is exhibiting now. My dear, marriage is suppose to bring joy to couples, I don't know why these things happen. It is against God to divorce your husband once you are married, so my advice to you is to keep praying to God,and no matter how long it takes, God will put smiles on your face.
ReplyDeleteEnd time 'horseband'
ReplyDeleteDear poster didn't you see the signs before hand,you dated for 4years and still all these,its never how far but how well maybe you should talk to him,involve your pastor or go for counseling....
ReplyDeleteAnd to the men,why do some of you take your time,use resource and energy to marry a woman and end up treating her like a stranger,if love isn't there anymore let her go...
Na wa ooo
ReplyDeleteI THINK every newly married woman has a chronicle or the other, but with time it becomes experience. Don't give up quickly on your marriage. Firstly, leave like you are on your own but with a housemate. Treat him well like you want to be treated but don't expect anything from him. And make sure you get a job or learn something (just make sure you get something doing) every man (nowadays) want a woman that is financially independent. Love yourself and treat yourself like you want to be treated. Don't anybody get the best of you.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, your saw how this man was before marrying him, your mum even warned you but you still went ahead to marry him..don't you love yourself? I think you need to learn what self love means, maybe when you understand it, you will get a solution to your problem
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when you rush and get married because you want to be a "Mrs". You cannot say you did not notice all this before marrying. Buy because of your hunger and rush to be married you went to enter disaster. Shior! Abeg carry your cross. The bible says for better or for worse.
ReplyDeleteChai!
ReplyDeletePeople dey try o.
It's obvious that you began lowering your standards for him, long before you both got married.
It's quite unfortunate that you're married to him now.
It'll be very hard for him to change his mindset towards you, but it would help if you found something to keep you busy, give yourself treats and look beautiful.
Look for soul lifting and inspiring books, just be busy and stop mooning around.
Just pay him no mind and focus on getting your mojo back.
You know how man are like hunters.
When he sees you looking good and always happy, he'll probably come crawling for your attention.
Pele.
#WhiteDiamondOut
My dear i can tel you bodly that 70percent of marriages are like this.just love yourself,look for a job.go shopping, always look good it wil boost your confident and above look for things that gives you joy.make yourself happy.
ReplyDeletethelma enemuwe said...
ReplyDeleteDear poster.... Have you tried communicating all these issues you posted with your hubby???
What made you get married to your hubby?
Where you forced into the union?..No I guess
What were you and your hubby discussing all those 4years y'al dated?????
Its obvious there is no ounce of communication in your home...
You seem like an emotionally dependent lady who wants TLC at evey given time but unfortunately ended with a non challant spouse
If your hubby wasn't your friend why then did you agree to marry him!....you kept repeating dat you lowered your standard to marry him...why did you do that?....I'm guessing you couldn't wait to be Mrs....
All you need in your Union right now is an overdose of communications,so quit pitying yourself and talk to your hubby today...
Stay strong!!
*faithful bv enemuwe thelma*
First year of being married is always the most difficult part of marriage.
ReplyDeleteMy advice: speak to his mum or sis about all u going through.
Pray for God to bless you and bless your hubby also
Have a genuine talk with your hubby, not in an accusing way but lovingly trying to know what went wrong along the line
Be encouraged, it gets better with time.
Seems to me you LOWERED your standards out of desperation and SETTLED for him and he knows this. Just like he knows you won't go anywhere, and you'll never soon get pregnant thinking it'll change him. Better leave while you can. Men like him don't change. It'll only get worse. Theres no love whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteMadam,you have low self esteem. Boost yourself up. I see no reason why u want to leave your marriage. Start dressing nicely,makeup,smile and stop complaining and go about your job search with a merry heart. Approach your husband and ask him questions even if he doesn't want to share. How can you date someone for 4years and know nothing about him. Something has definitely changed somewhere. Retrace your steps to why and how you fell in love with him. My 2 cents
ReplyDeletesome people sha . most women dont know that they run their marriage . the moment u let ur marriage run u , be ready to take shits like dis . Men dont run marriages...dey provide .a woman has to stir her husbands emotion into the marriage .if u allow it, he will find succour outside the marriage .
ReplyDeletehian,lemmie read comments
ReplyDeletethelma enemuwe said...
ReplyDeleteDear poster.... Have you tried communicating all these issues you posted with your hubby???
What made you get married to your hubby?
Where you forced into the union?..No I guess
What were you and your hubby discussing all those 4years y'al dated?????
Its obvious there is no ounce of communication in your home...
You seem like an emotionally dependent lady who wants TLC at evey given time but unfortunately ended with a non challant spouse
If your hubby wasn't your friend why then did you agree to marry him!....you kept repeating dat you lowered your standard to marry him...why did you do that?....I'm guessing you couldn't wait to be Mrs....
All you need in your Union right now is an overdose of communications,so quit pitying yourself and talk to your hubby today...
Stay strong!!
*faithful bv enemuwe thelma*
Learn to love yourself nd pay less attention to his attitudes towards u. Pretend like he doesn't even exist!
ReplyDeleteThink ur mam saw this earlier, reason she didn't support u marrying him. Ur marriage is just too young for all these drama. What is wrong with men of now
Pls enough of the I can't believe am sending in my own chronicle statement, nobody is perfect, life has its ups and downs and the chronicle pot isn't meant fot a particular kind of "useless people" its meant for all cos seeking advice from people you don't know is sometimes better than seeking from friends and family as they won't be baised.
ReplyDeleteHnmmm it is well with you madam.
ReplyDeleteWill contribute to this later. Quiet busy at work now
ReplyDeleteMadam , i will be very frank with you.... you sound like you need validation from this man called your husband .... It is also very obvious that you are a very emotional being ... madam please keep your emotions in check .... you do not need to kill yourself over a man that doesnt care how you feel . Take your time , relax, love yourself , get a job , do not...i repeat do not let yourself wallow in self pity because i dont think that man is that into you like you think he is . Once you show him you are not really bothered , he will come back to his senses. I am curious though..... hope you didnt manipulate him into marrying you..... cos your marriage is still in the honeymoon stage.
ReplyDeletexlusivxter.
Why did you marry him at first? That was the question on my mind as I was reading through. You didn't tell us what transpired before marriage. This marriage sounds like you were the one desperate for marriage and for him to be treating you that way, you kind of forced him to marry you. Because it's just eight months o. How can he not even respect your mum, is he mad or high on shit? What is wrong with you poster? Leave the dude jare if you are not happy. I'm sure you were one of those girls who wanted to marry cos her mated were marrying and now see.
ReplyDeleteNOW to my piece of advice.
Even though I hate divorce, I have come to discover that everyone deserves happiness. Now you see that he is not all you knew.
First, tell him you want a divorce, people will talk as usual but your happiness and pride matters a lot. Are you a Christian? Pray and intensify your job search, I know you'll get one. Leave him to be pompous in his world, not like he has anything and he will be doing as if he owns the world.
But come to think of it, do you do the right things a woman should do? Are you neat, clean, courageous, intelligent? Dyu nag? I'm not supporting just for the fact that he doesn't even respect your mum.
Just tell him you want out and what happens from there. You need to work on your self esteem also dear. It's important.
May God give you wisdom to handle this the right way.
This one no be chronicles. This one na complaints. Madam from your gist sef I don't like you. There's nothing tangible here. You are jes complaining up and down. Nobody would like to be near someone like you. Please put on a positive attitude and quit complaining and your life will be better.
ReplyDeleteObviously u nagged him to that with ur write up no smoke without fire so retrace ur steps n make amends cos u are looking for who will tell u to leave d marriage madam carry ur cross ok and work it out
ReplyDeleteI stopped reading at "I hardly even know anything about him". What are you doing with that man? What made you marry him in The first place? Its definitely not because of love. I'm more confused than you're. Lemme also read comments. First time commentator
ReplyDeleteGod will help you sender
ReplyDeleteI join give the slap
ReplyDeleteDated for good 4years and you mean to tell me your horseband treated you differently from the way he does now!? You mean he was nice then and you had the same standards, abeg I dont understand all this rubbish.
ReplyDeleteBut why did you marry him ?
ReplyDeleteC'est complique. Dearest sister in marriage, it looks like prayer, seeking the face of God is not your daily routine. Your marriage is just 8 months old, please give it a shot. Please go to a bible based church, start praying for yourself, marriage & husband. In fact look for the nearest MFM . Let that garment of reproach on your body be burnt down by the fire of the Holy Ghost. IJN, amen. Your husband shall love & cherish you like never before.
ReplyDeleteToo young of a marriage for this large complaint.
ReplyDeleteTake heart and tread cautiously!
Pray for your husband, he needs your prayer. stop complaining to him infact ignore like what he is doing isn't affecting you but always go on your kneels and pray for him, show him u care and still love him irrespective and try in whatever means to make this work. you have already made lots of mistakes/sacrifices that he is taking for granted but it wont be nice to just walk away from this marriage without trying your best. thank God he isn't beating or abusing u physically. all will be well just be strong and make ur home work ok. secondly also ask God to provide you a good job, spend time job hunting and ask God for favor.do not spend ur time having bad thought so u don't give the devil a chance to occupy ur heart. God will see u through
ReplyDeleteDated for four years?
ReplyDeleteAfter one year of dating, the rest is unofficial marriage. This is not a new character, so endure it.
He is not beating you or abusing you so better stay put.
He resents your mother because she did not initially accept him and he also secretly resent you because of how your mom behaved to him.Pray he changes before he becomes a millionaire or else,the resentment will be multiplied.Start praying. Prayer works.
XOXO MYSTERY
I think poster forced herself to be married to this horseband of hers. The signs were there but she ignored them totally.
ReplyDeleteDeal with it poster. Thank your stars cos I didn't read that he beats you.
Like seriously don't knw what to say to you cos you dated the man for four years before marrying him abi u no see all these things. Like they say what parents see sitting down even if u climb the highest mountain u won't see it, this is exactly what your mum saw that she was against the union in the the first place but am sure love blinded your eyes and now the scales have fallen off. My dear carry your cross o as na only u Waka come... Just look for ways to make yourself happy and keep praying to God that he changes if not just manage am like that o. Jesus fix it.
ReplyDeleteHow did u date him for 4 years n u didn't notice any of this?
ReplyDeleteMadam,u sound like a nag! U should know that ur hhubby is broken...and it's probably this ur attitude that makes it hard for him to talk to u. Get a job,love urself,dress well with what u have,be happy,pray! And talk less! Goodluck
ReplyDeleteannoying chronicle..
ReplyDeletestella is high time you start dumping some chronicle in a recycling bin.
Abeg no be everything them they post.
@Madam poster you won't tell me you didn't see any of these signs.
someone will be repeating same thing everyday. them go still dey shook head put all in the name of Mrs somebody
"I want to be marry"; "I want to be MRS".... U see the result?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry madam, don't you notice all these you are complaining about while dating him for 4 years? The lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pity,it's takes time for some man to get use to d idea of sharing and living together with their partner, probably he use to be the shy type around women and it's like you don't know him well b4 u married him. Try to sort things out be always creating conversation with him or better still chat him up on Watsapp to express how you feel.
ReplyDeletelike seriously.... the woman just wrote my life ooooo.r u sure u not me .lol ..................as in m in d exact shoe. except it is going to be five yrs we v bin together and i v a Child he is doing very ok financially, but still nothing has changed with us . it is so worst , i cant even cry n pray no more,v called family meetings, bin to mountains but nothing. i guess God has a bigger plan for me ............ so totally relate with u my sister..m leaving him by nxt year ,with my plans in place , i dont v much but i hope in GOD.keep urself and make sure u keep ur hustle spirit and find something that will make u happy ,get busy please..ur marriage is young thou. u can try call family meeting sha.but try as much to make money.
ReplyDeleteOkay just read your chronicle and I have quite a few questions because u sound confused.
ReplyDeleteDidn't you courtyour husband before you married him? it seems u both didn't do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend stage.
Why was your mom's reason for refusing that you get married to him initially and why will you tell him that and why didn't you listen to her?
Compliments!!! Girl u need to chill,appreciate yourself and know your worth their is no way another person will do for you.
Be patient, ur marriage is still young and you pple have a lot of things to discover in each other, you sound like you consider him as trash and probably disrespect him cos you feel he is not of your class, Be patient and do not compare ur marriage with some1 else's own.
Calm down and ignore him, act like you don't know he is doing somethings and still be a gentle and caring wife, I believe he will come around to appreciate when he becomes tired.
You both have self esteem issues and extremely impatient and proud hence what you typed up there!!!
Forgive my typos
8 months and chronicle is already here?? Something must have gone wrong...he seem to be 'the wrong one for you'. please try reignite whatever love/understanding you guys had before the wedding...unless ofcos there was NEVER any love.
ReplyDeletemy 1cent mbok
I have a feeling you forced him to marry you. Are u fatter than how you were when you guys started dating or unkempt. I don't get why he will be like this after 8 months. Think well, did you Trap him, cos you must have seen this part of him if you dated for 4 years. However I am a sucker for happiness,even if it comes at a cost of divorce.
ReplyDeleteIt was not meant to be, you married a wrong man.
ReplyDeletemmmmh men dear be strong and live as if
ReplyDeleteyou don't notice him, dress cool and behave well his senses will come bk just pray God help u.
Madam pls drop you email lets talk.
ReplyDeletewhy did you marry him bare? Did you not see the handwriting on the wall? I must marry syndrome...
ReplyDeleteU see the signs befor and you were told y marry him! Naija girls with marriage,the desperation is too much
ReplyDeletePoster, how did the two of you end up married to each other. This your story just get as e be. People marrying for all the wrong reasons. I hope you are not finding reasons to leave your marriage.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha, stella, that slap is too small for her.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! What has happened to patience, love and perseverance in the institution called marriage. Your marriage is just 8 months and you are already this frustrated. Not like he's cheating or abusing you physically. Honey, your husband is not a saint and neither are you. You sound very entitled and that's a very wrong mindset to have in a marriage, especially one as short as yours. Don't mind the people that will support you and even go as far as telling you to leave your marriage. No marriage is perfect and this is just the beginning. Instead of grumbling and complaining why not take this issue to God. Talk to your husband calmly and lovingly. Do not nag! I repeat do not nag! Successful marriages were not built in a day or even in 8 months. You still have a long way to go my darling so fold your sleeves and get to work. You know the man you married better than anyone else so you know his strong and soft spots. This is just one of the challenges you will face in marriage, its just too early for you to give up. I'm sure your husband has already noticed the changes in you and trust me he's also asking himself if he made a mistake in marrying you. Your have all the power to effect a change. Get up and build your home!
ReplyDeleteEiyah. God wil c u through. Pick yourself up and you'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, how was his attitude b4 marriage? Tell us and we'll know how to advise u and know the 'causer' of the problem
ReplyDeleteWoww..see nagging..lol..idondie.i really wish to be a bachelor for life #sipsMoetnChandon#
ReplyDeleteDated for 4 years and you just figured him out? Anyways, they say the first 2-3 years of the marriage is usually the hardest, brace yourself.
ReplyDeleteI actually went through the same honestly,i went out one day and he sent me packing,but i learn to love myself first and be the best for daughter not minding what people will say.i stay in my family house but I wake up happy and hoping one day true love will find me.i tell you there's nothing like true love and happiness.u have not even gotten to the level where u will feel nothing but hatred for your so called hubby.they are called saddist and psycho and their aim is to bring you down.but shouldn't give room for dat.you are the shaker and mover of the world
ReplyDeleteStella you are so funny! Gosh! Which planet are you from? Poster please put all your energy in getting a job for now ok and don't stop being a good wife to your husbanf. Your marriage is new, you are both new in it and hust getting use to it. With love, respect, prayers, communication and care, you will be tour home to the good taste you desire. You are a womañ, a homemaker. May God grant you the wisdom you need.
ReplyDeleteStella said it all..(apart from d bitch slap part lol) first n foremost, love your self enough to raise your standards but still submit to ur husband. It appears that what u are looking to your hubby to give you is what God Himself wants to give u. The purpose of marriage isn't what most of us think it is.. boyfriend is different from husband o. Meanwhile seems your hubby loved n respected you more when you had a job..most guys love it when a woman is independent..its not your fault of course that you lost the job wen u did. Don't worry..u sound like a beautiful n intelligent woman.. there is soo much more inside of you.. look within. Don't disturb your hubby even for attention or compliments. Look good always..be your own best friend..read books.. motivational etc you will b surprised..with time you will get a job or even personal business.. pray n trust God.. He has provided everything you will ever need in this life.. Grace!
ReplyDeleteLet me read....
ReplyDeleteBrb
It's a previllege for me to comment on this blog for the first... Am honoured... My dear am sorry to say you married the wrong man... Please domestic violence is not abt physical abuse, and emotionally abuse is the worst of it.. I will advised you to leave that wicked man... To think of it he even devalued you... Kia nne abeg leave ooo
ReplyDeleteAfter 4years of dating u didn't see all this coming or what? Nawa ooooo and your mum even told you not to marry him abi,issokay
ReplyDeleteThe truth is marriage has become a thing of competition in our society so even when you see the whole hand writing on the wall that this won't work out,because of what people will say you will foolishly enter into the marriage,I have a friend who is going through the same situation, I will rather wait till the right time.
ReplyDeleteYou've found yourself in a very serious situationship and it's quite unfortunate.I wonder if he showed you any of this characters why you guys were courting,I know some traits are hidden while dating,so it's not a matter of ignoring the signs.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel this guy thinks he did you a favour by getting married to you.As far as am concerned that is the only explanation I can come up with,why on earth will you lower your standards in other to get married and to make it worst to a man who doesn't value and respect you.
Having said that,the worst thing you can do to yourself is to tie your happiness to another person's opinion of you no matter the title you chose to give the person,who in this case is your husband.He knows that his non-chalant attitudes get to you and he does more of that to annoy you.
You owe yourself happiness and only you can make yourself happy.
Whatever it is you want to do,the decision lies with you, you wear the shoe and only knows where it pinches but I think you should focus on getting another job first,that should be paramount now.Work on yourself and your self esteem,the way you see yourself and value yourself will help you in taking decisions and choosing the next line of actions.
some people sef, you mean you married a man with all these faults?? what were you thinking?? what made you marry him?? its not as if you didn't date him for long...i tire for some people matter ..... what do you want us to tell you now?? leave your hubby?? nah, i wont advice you to do that... its a cross you chose to carry so please, bear it... moreover, you keep saying he is not doing this, he never shows he cares.. do you?? i mean, you get what you give.... start with the caring, loving and treat him the exact way you want him to treat you and see how it goes.... you can't share your dreams and fears with him....wow!! the height of this thing called marriage union!barely 8months ooo... swty, start the caring process and i tell you, he will change... don't forget to pray too. it won't be easy at first, but with patience, tolerance, love and prayer, you will make your home...a very beautiful one.. goodluck!
ReplyDeleteThe truth is marriage has become a thing of competition in our society, so even when you see the whole hand writing on the wall that this won't work out,because of what people will say you will foolishly enter into the marriage,I have a friend who is going through the same situation, I will rather wait till the right time comes,she can hardly do anything for her self.
ReplyDeleteYou've found yourself in a very serious situationship and it's quite unfortunate.I wonder if he showed you any of this characters why you guys were courting,I know some traits are hidden while dating,so it's not a matter of ignoring the signs.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel this guy thinks he did you a favour by getting married to you.As far as am concerned that is the only explanation I can come up with,why on earth will you lower your standards in other to get married and to make it worst to a man who doesn't value and respect you.
Having said that,the worst thing you can do to yourself is to tie your happiness to another person's opinion of you no matter the title you chose to give the person,who in this case is your husband.He knows that his non-chalant attitudes get to you and he does more of that to annoy you.
You owe yourself happiness and only you can make yourself happy.
Whatever it is you want to do,the decision lies with you, you wear the shoe and only knows where it pinches but I think you should focus on getting another job first,that should be paramount now.Work on yourself and your self esteem,the way you see yourself and value yourself will help you in taking decisions and choosing the next line of actions.
Visit my blog: www.onometalkam.com
The truth is marriage has become a thing of competition in our society, so even when you see the whole hand writing on the wall that this won't work out,because of what people will say you will foolishly enter into the marriage,I have a friend who is going through the same situation, I will rather wait till the right time comes,she can hardly do anything for her self.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteStella can be so partial when giving advice...hian!!
ReplyDeleteDear poster i have one question for you. What did u do to offend him prior to getting married? Coz u were with dis guy for 4yrs and am sure he showed love during dose years dts why u married him...so what happened??dt was never settled coz there's no smoke without fire and before we start calling for your hubby's head...try to be sincere with yourself coz ur story is way too one sided
First of all this is not a chronicle it's a nagging and whining story! You don't need advise you need deliverance. You dated for four years and married for 8 months! If your husband has a problem, you have a bigger problem. I bet if we hear your husband side of the story which he might not even be aware it's going to be different. I should I double SLAP YOU! Stella please post stories of people who really need advised not this worriers n complainers!
ReplyDeleteWarning, I have an epistle! So jump and pass if you don't like epistles.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I have a few questions for you before my comments.
1 you believe your husband owes you something, but what do you believe you owe your husband. You know that every right has a responsibility to it. 2. You are considerate as you never ask too much and live within his means, do you want him to go and steal so that you start living outside his means and when he is caught you answer nwanze. 3. The standard you lower, is it the one you had for four yreas which he hipocrically accepted or is it the one you now think you should have having become a Mrs. Was he as you painted for those four years or he changed after marriage. You are tempted to quit an eight month old marriage becsuse of all you enumerated, suppose he considers and takes the first step and leaves you because you are nagging him to death because of your wrong perception of marriage.The questions are so many more.
Like I say many men and women today don't know what they are going into whengetting married. Today's woman has a lot of education but no knowledge while our mothers had little or no knowledge but a lot of knowledge. First when people accept that relationship is not a marriage in waiting because everyone is doing packaging their thinking about marriage will be better. Again whether a rich man, a struggling man or an entirely broke ass, women should know that marriage is about joining hand to build whether you are bringing in money or not and not coming to sit and eat as your greed and selfishness demands. It is normal to have some family members make objections when people want to marry, but the wise never let's the person he or she is objecting know. The person objecting openly should know that he or she has down a seed of hatred once the marriage finally happens.
So madam, never you resent your husband because you will lose more if he reciprocates your resentment. Even if you become self sufficient and pack out on your own you will have morehurt inside. Search yourself and choose to give your husband happiness noatter what and see how happiness returns to you. Your problem is that the indoctrination you might have got is making you feel as you feel. Do think people will believe that your husband is all you paired above while you are a saint through and through.
Marriage is really difficult institution when you marry the wrong man.Nne try and get a job even if its being a school teacher.Your husband just deceived you by pretending to be nice before you married.Also cry to God and He will sure answer your prayer.Amen
ReplyDeleteDidn't you see all of these before you married him? Were you so desperate for marriage that you convinced yourself he would change after marriage? What is done has been done, I will not make you feel any worst.
ReplyDeleteI will advice you to separate from him first before divorce. Go find yourself and your identity and self worst. Maybe this separation will let him see what he is missing.
woaoh!!!!!!!! I believe we should always always use our head because sometimes the heart is messed up. I really hope you get through this because your marriage is still young. You can assist your mother in her business just to keep my mind busy till you get a Job.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, Learn to love yourself.
Dupris glam
I wonder what you saw in him in the first place that made you to marry him. You know at times when parents are against their child getting married to one person, they know what they're saying. You just painted us the picture of the beast your husband became after you got married, was he ever like this before you got married? Your courtship of 4yrs, what was it like? I think you need to retrace your steps and find out where you both went wrong. Divorce isn't the solution to your problems. It is well with your home.
ReplyDeleteBut you guys dated for 4years how didn't you see all these...Na wah!!! I believe in friendship in relationship or marriage if yu cant give me that then pack well...I hate cold and uptight men ahhhh poster you try!!
ReplyDeleteGirl u must have seen these signs before u married but u choose to ignore d signs, but u still need to stay cos he can never never change , so don't listen to manage him. Before it is too late or u get pregnant. Runnnn!
ReplyDeleteAt one point in time you would have noticed his bad attitude,and you even had priviledge of a mother advising you!!but you choose to ignore..The smoke you see when dating becomes a full blown fire when married,,anyway marriage on its own is not a bed roses,so ill advice you talk to him in peace environment..
ReplyDeleteAm just a single lady,what do I know*smile*
At one point in time you would have noticed his bad attitude,and you even had priviledge of a mother advising you!!but you choose to ignore..The smoke you see when dating becomes a full blown fire when married,,anyway marriage on its own is not a bed roses,so ill advice you talk to him in peace environment..
ReplyDeleteAm just a single lady,what do I know*smile*
Operation #BringBackOurLove
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your joblessness is affecting you. Your husband doesn't do this and that...you expect too much from this one man. Focus on bettering yourself biko. He doesn't sound that bad. It must be irritating having a wife that nags. He's only human.
ReplyDeleteNa WA oO. Pele ti e
ReplyDelete@ bv, can u drop ur number or email let me reach u. Ur husband sounds like my hubby. I had issues, but 5yrs after we are know best friends. I am not feeling well, so can't type d advice as it is long and I need u to also answer some questions.
ReplyDeleteMy dear wen u get a job u wldnt notice all these u nagged about. Ur bored. Learn tailoring, makeup, baking or sth. But just keep busy.
ReplyDeleteU must have seen d signs befor u got married to the monster but u choose to ignore thinking all ur mates are married or mayb he ll change. A man dat doesn't respect your family especially ur mum is not worth it. Stand up for itself , go out and get a job , or further ur studies and stop depending on a man. Don't try to get pregnant in dis situation cos it always lead to disaster and it's not not fair on d innocent life. So run away from him cos he ll never change, he ll only get worst especially towards u , so dear runnnnnn
ReplyDeleteSorry o poster but were you asleep when you married him? Or did you meet on Monday and marry on Tuesday? I yam truly confused.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could speak to you personally. Sometimes, writing short comments don't work.
ReplyDeletei will read comment
ReplyDeletePay attention to urself more,since he doesn't send u,make his breakfast and dinner,it shld be 'gdmrnin' 'gdevenin' finish. Surf online often,read books,see movies,go out more often,dnt u have friends around? U dnt even need to hang out with him,do not expect his compliments,u are an only child,show urself more attention for the sake of ur mum and God,do u nid his compliments to mend ur self-esteem? Build ur self-esteem urself. He can stay in his world,u will be just fine. Honestly,if u know how to love urself,u won't care if he exists,dnt leave d marriage,these reasons are not enuf,u can correct all by urself. U will get another job. Communicate with ur friends and make new mature friends.
ReplyDeletePost all these your long story is on an 8-month marriage, right? Please, were you forced to marry this man? How did he find you? How did he know that your Mom was against your marriage to him?
ReplyDeleteLet me be sincere with you, you have married him so face it now. How come he's not your friend? was he before? You just selected your favourable areas to tell us yet I still see some loop holes. if you want to tell a story, be open and sincere. I am a fellow woman and I can tell you that marriage is full of challenges. Please, look for a job to occupy yourself and build your home.
I believe you opened up so much to him and now he;s using them against you. Please, stay in your home as there is no life-threatening case in your marriage yet.
May God clean your secret tears and strengthen you for the years ahead. Amen.
Woman,did u force ur self on him, or what.my first question,who forced u to marry dis guy second,did ur mum not worn u about him,see u av too endure its just like DAT wen a woman doesn't av what she's doing,d guy feels ure liability now,u need to be pasient and continue searching for job maybe be he will change and u should continue prying,I cant say u should go aheard and leave him caus ur marriage is still very fresh and u never steted it here DAT his beating u,maybe d guy didn't see wat he expected wen he marries u or maybe ure d one who forced him,anyways just continue praying and I prayed u get ur self another job.
ReplyDeleteOperation #BringBackOurLove
ReplyDeleteEnter your comment...are you sure you dated this man as long as you said? #sheila#
ReplyDelete"he is not my best friend" & u married him, seriously? Smh.
ReplyDelete"my mum told me not to marry him" & u married him???
"he does not support my dreams, he does not compliment me, he does not appreciate me" & U MARRIED HIM!!!!!.
Are u seriously trying to tell us u didn't see any of dis attitude in him before marrying him? Wat exactly were u doing during d 4yrs of courtship?
My dear u haven't finished telling us ur chronicle oooo bcos u still hv a lot of questions to answer.
D only thing u can do now is to pray & bring Jesus into ur marriage & try talk to ur husband abt getting counselling....
Nothing is as bad as been lonely in marriage. Madam, there is something called self love. I recommend you read 'the lady her lover n her Lord' by T D Jakes a lovely book on how you treat urself right n knowing urself worth.
ReplyDeleteDid you court this guy at all? too many annoying things.Were you desperate to get married and as such let him getaway with so many things by turning a blind eye? well I won't advice you to leave him, my advice is pick up ur self esteem from where you dropped it cos no one can make you feel better than You. Try and get a job,even if the salary is small,it would help you see less of your hubby and keep you busy. Men like him can't take what they dish out so show him that life doesn't begin and end with him.pls try not to bring a child to this world in the midst of all these chaos,work on yourself and you will be fine.
ReplyDeleteAlmost in d same situation, but mine is worst. He beats me at the slightest provocation. doesn't want me to wear make up, fix long weaves or wear high heels. Hates my family n friends wit a passion. Cos of dat all my frnds 've left me. Doesn't see anything gud in me. Wen we manage to go out ppl tell him u 've a beautiful wife, he looks lik dem wit so much surprise. I'm fed up n leaving the beast of a husband. Life is too short to be unhappy. Becos of this i hate the word called marriage
ReplyDeleteLeave if you don't have a child yet...
DeleteNa real nonsense narration! what rubbish were you doing with for 4years to now come up with this after marriage? you were in luv okwai? let love see you thru then. Abi na by force to marry?
ReplyDeleteDis s a big pity but truth be tld dis s just d real picture happening n most home.she might v seen traces but ignored.above all go to God
ReplyDeletehmmmm, I feel you pain woman. dust yourself, stand up, with your shoulders squared and get your life together. don't quit or leave the marriage. love yourself more. show love to your husband. it doesn't matter how he reciprocates, just keep showing him love. love conquers all things. Above all, go down on your knees and pray. it's well
ReplyDeleteU guys dated for 4years n u never noticed all dis in him b4 settling down with him? What made u marry him sef... It's well ooo
ReplyDeletehmmmm, I feel you pain woman. dust yourself, stand up, with your shoulders squared and get your life together. don't quit or leave the marriage. love yourself more. show love to your husband. it doesn't matter how he reciprocates, just keep showing him love. love conquers all things. Above all, go down on your knees and pray. it's well
ReplyDeleteThis is serious! You said you dated this very man for 4yrs? So how come all these things didnt manifest? Or the did but you ignored? Your mother even saw it but you couldn't. Na wah ooh, just take a decision and stick to it. No be me go tell you what to do.
ReplyDeleteDon't even know what to tell you, just 8months? One thing is just that do to him what you want him to do to you, he is not nice to you, are u nice to him? He doesn't compliment you, do you compliment him? He doesn't keep in touch with ur mum, when was the last time you called or visited his parent? God would help u sha
ReplyDeleteMy dear. As Stella said, LOVE YOURSELF. are you a good person. Do you try your best to always do what is right. Are you nice and caring. If you are all those things then forget about how he acts and believe in YOU. STOP waiting for someone to love you and treat you right. If you wait for people to validate you, you will always be depressed.
ReplyDeleteForget all this my husband this, my husband that. Put all your energy into getting a job or starting a business. When he sees you no send again then he will probably change for 5he better. In the meantime DO NOT get pregnant yet or else suffer will be your name. Honey just be sharp.
My yesterday started well but ended sadly....He hit me again and I have lost count. It's not easy to walk away after 5 kids but I have. After many years of trying to make it work for the sake of the kids, after many years of all the kind of abuse a wife can face aside rape, I have finally thrown in the towel. I am done! I woke up with body pain and pain in my heart but I am not broken! At least I held on to that! I need your prayers cos it's going to be tough, really tough. I have stopped blaming myself for marrying him, I was very young and naive. He his not a bad man but he is SICK!
ReplyDeleteMy dear how well do you know your husband b4 saying I do?
ReplyDeleteHow was his behaviour during your courtship?
How much did you love your husband that made you to disobey your mother?
All you need is perserverance and understanding...ask God for that quitting should not even cross your mind ok? IS WELL
Make it a routine to pray together before and after each night rest.
He might be pushing you to the wall but pls Mummy ignore.
Sometime when my hubby provokes me, I will always remind myself that marriage goes beyound LOVE
Its understanding that keepth the foundation of every marriage.
Ask God for more wisdom to run the affairs of your home...then you shall sing a song that says...VICTORY @ LAST!!!
You dated a guy for 4 years, and you didn't see all these things beforehand? Or were you just desperate to become "Mrs"? If I ask how old you are now, you will probably say 25 or less!! Why are Nigerian women racing to the altar, only to come and start emailing in chronicles?!!
ReplyDeleteLesson to my fellow women:-
Never compromise your standards just to become a "Mrs".
Never marry someone who isn't your best friend.
Never marry someone your mum doesn't like.
*Afua*
my dear we are in similar situations my is even worst because he does not provide for me. cant even remember when i had change of panties. let me read comments to
ReplyDeleteIf he was nicer to you before marriage then it's indicative of his love for a working class woman.
ReplyDeleteLadies hate hearing the truth. Men these days don't respect jobless women. He pays the rent, car bills, feeding, tv bills, every damn thing. You should ask yourself what you are bringing to the table. Your value is linked to what you are bringing to the table. The way he sees it, this situation probably wasn't what he signed up for. I have a feeling he wouldn't have married you if u lost your job, say, 3 months prior to when yall got marriage.
I get a feeling ladies will reply to this claiming only weak men will "run away from they duties Cus women have needs and men have responsibilities" blah blah. These ladies will keep deceiving themselves. They may learn the hard way. Men these days don't play that.
Yes there are men that don't want working class ladies as wives. These kinda men won't marry a woman that works to begin with, chances are.
There are men that will never marry a jobless woman for whatever reason. If their wives losses their jobs, the men will despise her. The men see themselves as just as important as the women so they can't be slaving themselves for her comfort.
My advice is GET A JOB and contribute significantly financially to the home with respect. I didn't state WITH WORSHIP, I STATED WITH RESPECT. When you do this, I'm 99% sure he will change. The reason why he can't tell you this is what he wants is because we, men, are easily shamed by the public. People will say "he want chop woman money" "him dey put him eye for woman money". The way he sees it, if you want to use the public to shame him, you might as well go marry the public. These clowns add to the problem.
By the way, men never forget women that insulted them back in the day.
If you go about telling ur girlfriends how you can never date/marry a guy, best believe the guy will keep it in mind when he gets you.
My dear, in marriage I don't believe in giving up on someone. No marriage is a bed of roses. Realistically, most of our mothers were abused in their marriage for a long time but they never have up on the marriage because of God. Hold on to God. The only true love that exist is the love of Christ. Man will always fail u so have less expectations. U are now a wife, the only person u should share your chronicles with is the hold spirit. Let out your heart to him. U will be surprised how things will turn around. Don't give up on God to change this situation for u. That is the only advise u need. Before Jesus left he said to us that he will send another "comforter". That comforter is the spirit of God. He is with us always. Try to ignore your husband's excesses and focus on your job hunting. That is the physical distraction I can advise. While on it, talk to the holy spirit about this. Don't opt out of your marriage. Because marriage is God's idea.
ReplyDeleteJust so u know, sharing my burden with the holy spirit has worked out for me so much. That gesture has made my husband a good listener. It was the holy spirit who made it possible.
One love.
NB:ignore any typo error. I don't hv time to re-read.
You guys should take it easy on her. These things happen, men tend to change after marrying a girl, they start misbehaving m. It's happening in most marriages, the "see finish syndrome" is every except those who fear God.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster, treat him the way he treats u, if u can save out of what he gives u, try starting a business. Don't leave ur marriage, him eyes go soon clear when u start having your own money. Endure till u gain ur feet again, it is well.
Biko, if he hits u, ruuuuuunnnnnn!
I didn't even have to finish reading this before thinking of commenting. this is actually my first time commenting here. u dated a guy for 4yrs and eventually married him, now u just realizing he does not like anybody around u. wot bulshit are u talking about. sorry if am been hash but the truth has to be told. will keep on reading.
ReplyDeleteFor now this is the most stupid chronicle I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteNo. 1 - Did they force you to get married?
2. Were you both not friends before you said yes to his proposal?
3. Didn't you know his pocket's size before marrying him?
4. When some of your mates were busy studying their guys, where did you go?
5. Did you marry through the window?
6. Was it an 'arrangee' marriage? You didn't say.
Madam you have your own problem which needs to be worked on by your good self. Pay for patience, positive attitude, strength, ability to study him more, etc.
LOOK FOR A JOB OR START LEARNING A CRAFT - DOn't just sit down and wait for him to tell you wel-done when you've not even STARTED. MARRIAGE IS not girlfriend or boyfriend relationship.
STOP COMPLAINING AND GET YOURSELF BUSY WOMAN. #peaceout
*deep sigh* Marriage issues here and there.
ReplyDeleteOMG! This is exactly the kind of things my ex did. plus he's lazy too- not ambitious,broke ass nigga!! my mum didn't want him for me and he knew, it took her advice and prayers to open my eyes and i started seeing what i felt that didn't matter much. meanwhile i thought i was in love, lowered my standards too just to meet him half way (something i have never or will do for any other guy)yea right, i did! sometimes my mum would cry he uses jazz on me cos when you compare this guy to where or people I've been with, you'll borrow the bitch slap from Stella. But thank God i fought my feelings and broke up the engagement. GOD bless you sweet moma xoxo
ReplyDeleteThe problem with us is that we don't read the handwriting on the wall when in a relationship. I'm sure if you dated this guy before marriage, you MUST have seen the signs. your instincts must have blinked 'stop' but you disobeyed and headed straight to the alter. maybe it was love or desperation, i don't know but I'm sure now reality has set in and you are seeing better.
If you had sent in this Chronicles 8months ago maybe we would've proffered a better solution -which is to end the relationship, but now you are married! are you thinking divorce? am sure you wont.
Ok, my little opinion, First you should work harder towards getting a job,if no job is coming soon learn a skill,for example if you are in Abuja, at emerald garden area3 come this Saturday we are learning makeup and gele tieing which is for just N6500 (they wont pay me for this add ooo) I'm working but will attend too.
Because being jobless contributes to making matters worst in your marriage too- I told you I've been there.
So I'm positive With the skill inquisition, you can match to financial liberation and one by one Jesus will fix the rest.