Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narratives

What would you do if you ended up with someone who isnt amibitious and you are....

 NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
MARRYING AN UNAMBITIOUS MAN

 I am 23years old, when I was 21years old (over 2years ago), I met a guy (tall, dark and cute) and we became best friends. We'll call him N (for nuisance), lol. N is 3years older than me and he is a wonderful friend, there is virtually nothing he doesn't know about me and I know I can count on him at anytime. And we have the best of friendship and his siblings love me and mine, him.

 We have sleep overs at each others place and he's been my counsellor, cheerleader etc etc. Some people actually do not believe we are just friends. 

Few months back, I forgot to pretend that I am a mermaid and we had sex (I must confess, repeatedly for a while and it was gooood) but now it's sort of jeopardised our friendship and I just can't relate with him the way I used to. And he is talking about a relationship now. 

The problem is for a 23year old girl, I am quite driven and I just don't think he can match up with my drive. I know if we make it official and date, it will most definitely lead to marriage ( that is what everybody will expect). I have huge dreams, I know what I want in life and I have a road map of how to get there but he doesn't have all that just yet and he is not so financially responsible either, he doesn't know how to budget/save and he borrows a tad too much from too many people in my opinion. 

I don't know if I will be happy with someone who isn't even more driven than I am. I've always wanted a man with vision, a road map and actions. On the other hand, I know we have a wonderful connection that people tell me I might never find with someone else. I'm confused! Does it really matter if a lady seems to be more ambitious than a man? I don't want to go into the new year without an idea of what I want to do. 

Should I give it "us" a try? I dont want to ever hurt him, he is a wonderful person. Can I motivate him to be more ambitious? Does it work that way? Aunty Stella, please help. And my BVs too.

Hmmm....*sigh*

If you end up with him,will he set you free to pursue your dreams?thats what you should ask yourself.I dont know this guy well enough to advise you to stay or not but i do know that marrying someone who lets or helps you build your dreams is so cool.

You need to test him now to know.

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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN - HOLD ON OR LET GO

Good day Stella. 

It is with a heavy heart that I write this email, because I feel very stupid and foolish for allowing my self to be in this position. 

I'm an American lady, living in Atlanta Georgia, USA. My friend introduced me to this blog a few years ago. She is Nigerian, which is how I met my boyfriend. They have been friends since their university days in Nigeria. 

In 2013, he came to Atlanta to visit some family members and contacted my friend to meet up with him, so my friend brought me along because she said he's a nice guy and interested in seriously dating, I had just left a serious relationship with another Nigerian guy so I wasn't interested. 

To cut the long story short, we clicked when we met and decided to give things a shot. He stayed in Atlanta for two weeks and left to go back to Nigeria. Things got very serious, and he told my friend he wanted to marry me. I have been to Nigeria twice since he left, staying about 6 weeks at a time and have met all of his friends and most of his family members who have been very warm and kind towards me. I trust him because he's a good man and has not given me a reason to be suspicious because he allows me to go through his phone (I choose not to) and takes me anywhere when I'm around and puts me on his social media platforms.

The problem now is communication, he is going through various challenges at the moment and his place of employment have not paid him for over 8 months now, which is unheard of in the states. 

Ever since he has been having these financial challenges, our relationship has been very stressful and unpleasant. I try my best to reach out at all times, I do all the calling because it costs me close to nothing and I guess he does what he can but at the same time, he has started taking advantage of me. If I don't call, he won't call and most of the time he doesn't answer the phone when I call, although his job is demanding so I end up ranting and we get into an argument.

The main problem is, when we argue he thinks the best solution is to ignore me and not talk to me for days on end and this is really starting to chip away at my self esteem. He talks so rudely, hangs up the phone on me and doesn't apologise, even going a few days without talking to me and has a very short temper towards me, which I admit is due to my nagging and his frustrations. We have gotten into a vicious cycle of arguing about the same issue (Communication) and I have a feeling that he is having second thoughts and sees me as a nag, which is very bad because I dislike women that nag but I have found myself becoming one due to his behaviour towards me. I feel I have lost myself and who I am, I'm a shadow of myself.

We haven't talked now for some days and he is not making any effort to reach out. He says he wants to marry me and we have had discussions about me moving to Nigeria until he can sort out paperwork to come to the states. And he isn't using me for a green card because most of his family members are in the states. 

I would love it if you could take out your red pen and advise me. I am helpless and pathetically crying myself to sleep every night. I love this man and believe he loves me too. My friend says its is "see finish" because he knows I love him. I think she's right. Btw, I am 26 and he is 34.

 Please, I need advice. I failed to mention that I'm suicidal and I'm so ashamed. I even drink now, I never used to drink but now I have wine to numb the pain. 

I can't even stand going to work or socialising, I'm even gaining weight. I went to the pharmacy today and got loads of pills, I will soon take them because my heart is aching Stella. I am in pain

Please BV's, what should I do? Sorry For for the long epistle. 

Many thanks

Errrm i am confused....every suspicion that came into my mind as i read along you addressed it and seemed to put the blame on yourself for what you both are going thru.
If he is someone that hate women who nag and you have already shown him that side of you,the damage may have been done already.
let me advice you....why dont you look for a time after work where you both can communicate,it must not be calling,you can chat or skype at night..
You said your relationship is not about papers?Have you guys discussed papers at all?what was your reaction when it came up,did you suggest going over to Nigeria instead of speeding things up?

he hasnt been paid for 8months?Dont you think he told you that story to get money off you but has changed his character when you didnt get his drift?
Suggest offering him some money and see how he reacts.
Something aint right!

Suicide?dont even go there cos when you are gone,he moves on!...dont you get it?