Sunday In House Gists..

Saturday's In house Gists had Gist ONE TO SIX and todays continues from Gist Seven.....

GIST SEVEN

OKO OKO....

Gist 3 of Saturday's In house gist reminded me of when I just got to Lagos too in my teen years and we were in a yoruba church which is where my aunty used to attend. 

When they asked us to praise God and chant Glory, ogo ,ogo (yi oluwa l'ogo-am sure I got this wrong). Anyway we were supposed to respond glory (ogo,ogo). 

I was busy shouting oko(penis) oko ooo on top of my voice until my aunty and two other women out of embarrassment gently took me outside to correct me,they saw I was in spirit lol praising 'God' on top voice . I was so embarrassed,I didn't come back into the church until the service was over. 

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GIST EIGHT

HORROR WIGS AND GARRI

As a child,I loved drinking garri so much. In fact garri and beans were my best food. So Mumsy always refused me taking it anytime I ask her for Garri, she was always like (ko da fun oju e (not good for you eye).

At the same time, mumsy had some scary,funny looking wigs she used to wear to work at that time. I hated those wigs with passion that I always ran away from even her whenever she put them on because they scared me. So everyone in my household used those wigs to torture me.

There was this particular day, I remember clearly we were on holiday. You know those holiday periods that you can eat like 20 times in a day. I became hungry so I went to my elder brother that I wanted to eat.

Brother - What do you want

Me         -  I am hungry,I want to drink garri

Brother   - There is still yam in the pot,breakfast left over why Dont you eat that.

Me.      - No I want garri

Brother.  -  He left me and went into Mumsy's room,then into the kitchen, then he came to me and said oya lo bu garri e (go get the garri).

I was so happy that I danced MC Hammer to the kitchen to get my bowl of garri. As I opened the garri container, I screamed and threw the cover and bowl I was holding away because my dear brother had put one of Mumsy' wig in the garri. As I was about to run out of the kitchen, my brother blocked me and he said to me ''where are you running to , lo bu garri e'' (go get your garri) I started screaming ''ejo mi fe mu garri mo'' (please I Dont want garri again). 

My brother refused to let me go pushing me towards the garri bucket.

Me - Begging and crying , ejo mi o fe garri mo. Garri o da fun oju mi. ( please I Dont want garri any more,it not good for my sight).

It took me a long time before I forgive my brother for that incident.

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GIST NINE

ARENA SUFFERING

Good day my dear people of the blog, dis tory wey I wan knack na for that school wen dem kpai those three fine boys that year e for happen...

Hmmmm,we just dey class one day for arena where we dey learn(yes na dat kain arena wey gladiators dey fight) na im we hear pop sound,as we look the area wey the noise come from,na from pre-degree wey we dey call certificate ‎carry Andre come class. 

Everybody just face im work before them go begin curse person...Small time we just hear "TAWAI","TAWAI"!!! Andre opener don slap another geh for her class.

   Before you know wetin happen, the slapper  comot machete inside handbag,match go mee‎t the slappee come drop the bottle for her front say she receive her message,say make them begin fight.   Hian, everybody begin wonder say wetin happen,until one person come knack me the gist say three days ago, slappee match slapper,instead make she apologise,she still curse am on top say weda her mate still dey do pre-degree(abi una see wahala)!!! 

Argument start,pEOple come separate them,matter end. 

The next day show,slapper no come school,slappee come dey make mouth say she go break her head,blah blah blah. Meanwhile goons wey dey around come make reported speech give their madam na im the main gbege come happen on the third day. 

My people unto how I see machete,i just dey take style dey do moon walk.like play, like play,see school CSO and sheriffs them dey drive hilux dey come,na im I pick race eh,i no dey for my yam no done,i don almost dey near to round off, before I go enter like mama nnuku for cell biko!!! 

Na later I come hear say the slapper na(viki queen) if YOu no know the meaning na you sabi oo,but how she manage carry MACHETE inside hand bag na im I no know o!!! 

By unique amebo.

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GIST TEN

LANGUAGE LEARNING GONE WRONG.

I remembered something that happened during my year 1 in school and decided to share it with my fellow Bvs.

I had an Edo gurl in my class and also some naughty Igbo guys.  The guys met the gurl to learn her language and the guys in the other hand taught the gurl some basic words in Igbo language.

They told her that AMU GI (your d**k) means WELL DONE to only guys in English. ( kaii. I wonder other wrong interpretation they gave her)

So one day, during our departmental meeting which normally attracts crowd, the new departmental President was called to address us, after his awesome speech which made people to clap, the Edo gurl in her own way of applauding for Presido innocently screamed AMU GI.

Every body turned to her and all of us that understood the language (including her bad language teachers) bursted out in laughter, the gurl was surprised at why everyone was laughing, she was so embarrassed when we told her the meaning of what she said.

Afterwards, she avoided those guys till we graduated.

*Hope this lightened your faze*

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GIST ELEVEN

CHASING WITCHES

  Stella of life. I hail oooo..here is the IHG of life. Enjoy.

 It was back in d 90s in my village or let me say semi-town. One thing is common in Dt village which is in osun state,witches. Dad doesn't stay with us, so it was mum, my sister cousin and me. Mum has experienced so many form of witches jazz so she knew how dey always attack. She's from a polygamous home. 

That particular night, we were asleep as usual, didn't know what brought mum to the sitting room, she tapped me, woke up my cousin also, told us to stay

behind her while she confronted a witch in our sitting room....it was

a Bat...we so scared.mum brought broom and started  defending us from

the bat chanting in Yoruba, go back to your sender, tell them you didn't

see us...lailai, ni agabra olohun, you won't touch me or my children.

The bat was just flying blindly....we never knew how the bat entered.

After about an hour and the bat was yet to disappear, mum brought out

a Bible....my eyes opened.. Bibleeeeee....we be Muslim fa...correct

muslim if not conk...

Where mama see Bible?...

she started reading it loud which I later knew it was Psalm... The bat kept flying and my heart kept raising.. I am too young to die from witches mehn...the bat perched on the window net and how the hell was there a cut in the net and we didn't know?... It flew away and the hole was stuffed. 

Next day, mum just told us to keep our mouths shut ni ooo...no one knows till this day,even my papa.

CURSE PRAYER

Weldone ooooo,madam korkus....i wan gist u abt a brother called brother Pius.He dey always complain of ill luck so tey the church prayer warriors dey organise prayer for him.One day,a church member told him dt thre is a vacancy at shoprite,lagos so brother pius should apply.Brother pius applied and he ws called for interview but to my greatest surprise,brother pius got to the venue and he slept off till the end of the interview.In the eve,one of the cleaners saw him whre he slept and woke him up to tell him to go to his house.U won't bliv brother pius travelled all the way from ijebu ode to lagos to sleep.He came bk to Ijebu and he narrated wt happened to the pastor and the pastor said this man is really under a serious attack.One day,brother pius went for an house fellowship at mama tofunmi's house,after the praise and worship,evrybody ws asked to give their prayer request so that they ll all pray together on their request,wen it got to brother pius's turn,he said"brethren,i want u to help me pray against my business"Na so everybdy open eyes say wetin brother pius talk.No wonder he go sleep for interview,so na so so curse prayer he dey pray.