STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND THE CONSEQUENCES ON A CHILD
Good day Stella, I hope this meets you well. Am a regular blog visitor and I will like to remain anon on this please. Stella please I really need sincere advice from blog visitors. This is my story: My mum has always been a victim of domestic violence. My dad cheated. I have 2 elder brothers and am the last. I grew up watching my dad beat my mum everyday. At first when I was younger, I would run to my room, lock the door, close my ears and cry... While my elder brothers stay and watch and just assume nothing is going on.
But later, I stopped crying and also got used to it. Even if am eating, I would just remove my mind and continue eating. I became stone hearted. It continued for so long. And I made up my mind I will never get married. And I hated guys so much. I believe all married women are just pretending when they smile outside because that's what my mum does. People always think we had a perfect family. If i attend any wedding, i will just tell myself they are just wasting their time and that the woman will soon start crying in her marriage. Fast forward to years later we grew up and my brothers started beating their girlfriends....
I didn't see anything wrong in it. So i will just continue watching my movie while the girl keeps on crying for help. I got into the university, had boyfriends and I became violent too. Stella, am not proud to say this, and i know am supposed to cover my face in shame......but I do slap my boyfriends. And have always been lucky cos i date guys who wouldn't touch a gal no matter what. My last boyfriend got me angry in public, I slapped him and he slapped me back, then I got some guys to beat him up for slapping me. That was d first time a guy will slap me even after slapping several guys.
They beat him to a stupor and I didn't feel remorseful. Stella, i didnt feel anything. I sat down crossed my legs and watched. I broke up and the guy is still begging me to take him back, telling me how sorry he was for slapping me. I decided to take a break and work on my attitude. Am beginning to get scared of the lady am becoming. Stella, i have never falling in love with any guy. I only date just to be in a relationship, have fun and to have someone calling me day and night. Stella, Am okay in other areas.
Am nice, caring and all. But I just can't control myself from being violent. please I really want to change for good. I want to stop being violent in my relationships. I want to be calm, fall in love with my husband, and have a happy home. I don't want my kids to grow up in an hostile environment. And I dont even know where to start from. My elder brothers are married now and they are just like my dad. I dont want to be like him.
I want to have a peaceful home. I want to be a good wife. But any time I promise myself I will change, I still go back to the way I was. Please, has any blog visitors being in my shoes before and how did they do it. Please help me. Even if you are going to curse me or abuse me or judge me, just leave a word of advice under please.... I really need it. Please help.
Thank you guys.
WOW!.....The damage is deep,its good that you have seen it is wrong,now i think you need professional help but you also need to know that the results will not come immediately.It took years to damage your mindset and it will take years with help to fix it,in that period of time you might have several relapses.
Get your hands on every domestic violence material you can get your hands on...Read the Domestic Violence Diary on this blogs and see that the Journey you are on is a one way journey.
I wish you all the best and hope you find some sorta help in the comment section.
Will read comments.
ReplyDeleteHappy sunday pple.
Brb.
*******LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*******
Poster 1 yes get your mind right
DeleteBefore you go and call thugs for someone that will end your lineage.
Emjay, l am going to waste my time with you. Just know that a fool @ 35 is a fool forever. Up on that u Neva marry.
DeletePoster give ur life to Christ and He will make you brand new. He is the only answer you have to live a fulfilling life. Hope you went to church today and dropped offering as well
DeleteYour prb is half solved. The fact that u know u do wrong and wanna change is d 1st step.
DeleteBe calm, control urself. And make sure u have a ritual once u r angry. That way u can ctrl ur reaction
All you need is a mind set reset. All marriages are not violent. Am sure your mother saw the signs before getting married to your dad. See a counselor if you can afford one and read a lot on domestic violence. Educate your brothers too before they spend the rest of their lives in jail for domestic violence.
DeletePoster please you guys need deliverance. You're not the only one from a violent home and most of us have trust issues not like we beat our boyfriends or husbands. Your brothers are just stupid because after seeing what it did to your mom emotionally that alone should have taught them never to hit a woman.
DeleteStella introduce me to this gurl...I think I can be of help... or rather She needs a guy like me to fix her... all she needs is love.. that's it!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete"Have never seen my dad hit my mum even though they had heated arguments, but my husband has hit me three times. Am waiting for the last and final time it will happen to move out" says a friend. I told her better move out now cos u might be dead the fourth time it will happen"
DeleteLadies pls advise urselfs, if you don't love u enough to leave think of ur loved ones and the pain they will feel if u are no more.
You beat boi?na only boiz u fit hit o**if u try count youself lucky say u no meet someone like me ..na street i go strip u naked,but ur dad no try at all ooo ...but dont worry as u don voice out God will cure u right away
DeleteJust pray and keep calm ' dia u go ,Peace
My dad beat the hell out of my mom. Almost killed her if not for God. We would just watch and cry. We couldn't do anything. And it continued till we became adults. My mom really suffered. The whole thing affected me but nope I'm not violent. I do get angry easily, I hate controlling men with a passion then if I'm pushed I can spark for Lagos. But to hit anyone? Never? I can never slap a guy no matter what they do cos I fear the beating that might result from it. I can't even fight with a female not to think of slapping a man. But u want insults, I can dish it out like mad
DeleteIts unfortunate...you share the same gene with you father so also your brothers. You should have taken after your beautiful innocent mum.
DeleteSince you now know your problem, its half solved.
It is an habit and there is a way in which you can use to solve an addicted bad attitude. But honestly am tired to type Right now.
Pele dear
Thanks babes for this. Tbh you cannot blame watching your dad beat your mum for your own actions. It is wrong to slap a guy, more so even wrong to hit a woman. I do not advocate violence and whilst I grew up seeing my dad hit my mom on some occasions, I was determined more determined never to have a marriage like theirs. Ive got brothers who never turned out like my dad as they are good husbands and all my married sisters never turned violent either. All we did was turn to God for help. We focused on him and he blessed us with good homes.
DeleteI pray that God will touch your heart and help heal your anger issues
Poster you are really very lucky with the kind of guys you dated. If I dated someone like you and you dared raise voice at me let alone hands, I would break those hands and put them in your handbag. If you dare arrange guys for me, Hmmm I would do to you what we did to girls like you back in the university. I don't know where you meet all these weaklings you date. You can imagine a woman raising her hands to slap a man. Hmmm go and thank your stars, you will meet your kind soon. I go beat that spirit husband wey dey worry you comot for your head. Na here people go read your chronicle.
DeleteJudge Judy who ask u???
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVery sensitive situation.
DeleteYou have to thread with caution.
There are several causes of bad breadth, sometimes even people with strict oral hygiene have bad breadth.
You can start , when you both are alone, ask him.
Say hi, do you have a cold, does your nose feel stuffy
Ask him if he is asthmatic
then stylishly tell him that , you were reading an article on bad breadth and the causes,act like you are the one with bad breadth, then ask him,( depends on how close you both are)
You can say, can you perceive anything , that sometimes you feel a bitter taste in your mouth.
He may reciprocate by also asking you, same question.... Then voila use that as an opportunity to tell him yes.
But maybe it's because he has a cold or something, don't make it look like it's because he has bad oral hygiene practices..
All the best
Chronicle on Sunday again???
DeleteThis one pass me ooo..Jesus fix it..
DeleteLol you need Jesus.
ReplyDeleteI am all for a woman in charge of herself but yours is extreme and that your ex begging to get back with you must have no sense.
I fact I need a list of all the men you've slapped, so I can put them through psychiatric evaluation.
Whenever you are angry, count 1 -1 backwards in your mind .
Please pray about it too.
Lol.
DeleteYou dey slap your boyfriends, you never jam, na until you meet that kian "plier guy" you go keep your hands and mouth to yourself.
Count 1-10 backwards.
DeleteYou beat guys?...
ReplyDeleteWow!...I love that...
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you mehn...
I like you...
Lmao! I love her
Delete*dat messsed up silly girl*
rotfl. You like her abi? Please hook her up with one of your brothers biko.
DeleteTURN UP
I hope you beat your husband too..and your daughter's learn and growup to be like her
DeleteHow can u tell her that there is nothing wrong with her???..what kind of senseless talk is that?
Are u born stupid or you're just acting it?!
DeleteI'm tempted to say the same. However, in your own case it's cool. Just learn to control it. But in the case of your dad and brothers...
DeleteI'd beat them up if I could...
*BAD ASS BITCH*
Wat planet did u originate from? Lmao @ ur comment
DeleteSeriously...u must be very stupid for saying dat...u re encouraging d woman 2 be abusive 2 men. But if it was a man dat wrote dis chronicle u would abuse him for raising his hand on a lady. Shame on u.
DeleteU re very stupid 4 dis statement
DeleteRuki Samuel,you are the stupid one...
DeleteInfact,thunder fire you there for calling me stupid...Just because I didn't write what you wanted to see that's why you hide under that your cheap china phone to type rubbish...
Final warning,don't ever write shit under my comment again...
Fool!...
And u are an idiot Linda for that comment! I wish I could see u to punch and beat the hell out of u,i go cut one of your breast give u chop!u never jam I swear u are my next target,the hatred I have for u is alarming. I dey wait for u imbecile!!!!
DeleteThank you jare, all those " staying for the kids " cowards are destroying those kids.
ReplyDeleteI had to leave my violent parents to learn how to have healthy confrontation in relationships, my sibblings are very aggressive.
I married a man whose mother left due to domestic violence and he is a very sound healthy emotional man. He always says no malice dialogue is always the answer.
Most Nigerians don't know how to resolve conflict without using their hands because they saw their parents do same.
I have and will never hit any house help because I know how to talk with them no matter how angry I get or worse ever sack them
Poster you need to see a therapist a psychologist you need to delearn every thing you learned and relearn healthy relationships as I did I was lucky to leave my violent home at 16
ReplyDelete"Unlearn" good suggestion
DeleteHmmm deep..!
ReplyDeleteTurn to God dear..! And go see a therapist too. I wish you well
My dear! Pls do not allow what happens in your home affect u~! infact, it is even supposed to make u wiser, stronger and better, because u have gone through the experience. At least u should know qualities to look out for in a man, if he's like ur dad, run for ur life. Work on ur mindset too. I always wonder why people from broken or dysfunctional homes carry that attitude with them into their marital life. Such experiences would have made it easier for them to know what they were looking for in a spouse.
ReplyDelete@okwa dat ,well said.Your comment is impressive and intelligent.
DeleteWise children should learn from the mistakes of their parents. So that they don't end up like them. And not use it as a silly excuse for their inability to live a good life.
MM, what if Okwa dat Igbo gal is 'Fat?' hohoho I'm sure even her comment wouldn't make an iota of sense to u. Hehehehe
DeleteWow! This is pretty bad and I feel for you. Don't you worry, you'll be fine. God is on your case.
ReplyDeleteJesus is Lord.
hmmm all is well
ReplyDeleteThey say d day a mad man realises he is mad,then his healing starts. Since u av realise d problem,i think d solution is simple. Work on ur self.
ReplyDeleteYa right
DeleteDis is sad Sorry dear.
ReplyDeleteI feel you. I just wish these men know the kind of damage they cause
ReplyDeleteOh dear! You are a broken woman but i speak the peace of the Lord to your body, spirit and soul and seek the divine healing power of God to touch you afresh and cleanse you of every hatred that might have enveloped you throughout this past years. You shall be renewed and reformed and you shall have a happy home in Jesus mighty name I pray, Amen.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteAmen
DeleteThank God my brothers ain't following my dad footsteps *polygamy*and dia wives are very though! So no fear lol!
ReplyDelete*Tough*
DeleteMy dad would beat my mum to stupor...
ReplyDeleteBeat my brother till he bleeds from his nose
Strip my sister naked and handcuff her to a pole behind our house from dawn to dusk
Starve us for days after he has sent my mum packing
She'll come back begging after some days: all because of her children
Bring women to the house and order my mum to cook for his sin partners
Were we affected by this? YES
Did we grow up to resent men? YES
I basically never loved any man. Loving my husband took a lot of work. I am still trying not to see my Father in him
My brother? Grew up with scars both emotional and physical. Joined a secret cult to be "tough". Took to drinking and smoking indian hemp @ an early age.
Today, the Story is different. I and my siblings found Christ after the death of Our Parents ( they both died along the line) and He healed our wounds. The damage was deep but we fORGAVE our father and surrendered EVERYTHING to Our Almighty Father
Every pain
Every hurt
Every abuse
Every memory
EVERYTHING
The journey hasn't been smooth But I now know I was unfortunate to have had a nasty father and that does NOT change the fact that there are great men out there.
Poster, forgive your father and let go of the hurt. That's your first step to recovery
Hmmm! Different stroke for different people.
DeleteHmmmm. Thank God for Jesus
DeleteThe Lord is your strength
DeleteWell said.
DeleteDeep*
DeleteU spoke the mind of God. Thank U
DeleteU spoke the mind of God. Thank U
DeleteChaste, I love u. Please lemme buy u & hubby lunch, hoping ur in Lagos.
DeleteMy dad was an abusive womaniser. We are all different; instead of growing to become like him, I swore at an early age never to be like him. Yes I have had a few flings, but am wholly faithful and I have never hit a woman, not even tap or slap. Well, maybe on d bumbum for exes who enjoy it, lol!
So seeing or growing with a certain influence doesn't necessarily mean we should or will adopt it. The mind is strong, like Chaste said, forgive, then look to God & Christ for healing.
Awwwww @ Chaste.glad u won baby.u too Teddy.
DeleteYou genuinely wish to change..
ReplyDeleteUnveil your heart to the lord most high am sure he will re-mould you..
#peace#
This is someone who has realized the curse in her family n trying to break free. You know what u want already, ask God for it, pray for deliverance n u shall be set free. Lol
ReplyDeleteThose of you staying because of the children. This is why we say you are doing more harm than good.
ReplyDeletePlease enrol your self in any anger management class. The earlier the betterooo. Choi.
ReplyDeleteIbo illiterate woman!!! u can always tell by their very razz comments. Choi!
DeletePlease get professional help. You need to see a psychologist. You need to go for regular counselling sessions also in your place of worship. I'm sure no matter your religion, there would be people there that you can speak with. You can ask to see a female if it makes you feel better.
ReplyDeleteThe damage has gone really deep but at least you're making efforts to change.
With counselling from both places as well as prayers, you'd be fine.
Nice advice madam stellz... Please read books on submission... How to be submissive. The dangers of domestic violence n all. May God Help u. Amen
ReplyDeletePoster, oya clap for yourself .U slap ur boyfriends and shame even allow u to say it.
ReplyDeleteUr problem is dat u lack proper upbringing.
I pity that unlucky man dat will end up with you.
It is your type dat will provoke a man by firing the first shot.And u will still be the ones to send ur battered and bruised images to blogs for unmerited sympathy.
My advice to any man whose wife is stubborn , rude or combative.
Dont use ur hands or weapons on her.Always use Koboko well wel on her buttocks.Dat is the discipline she deserves .
Bcos u can't teach an old dog a new trick m
Useless money maker... curse be the day you were brought into this world! You are evil!
DeleteMoney maker...let me believe you didn't read the chronicles well... but them..if you really took time to read it and this is all you have to say..then u need a therapist too
DeleteI've been reading how people call you stupid n illiterate, I just saw for myself!
DeleteDid u manage to read n understand the post n the plight of the poster?!
Or u just jumped into conclusion as the fool you are?
She needs help, she's recognised her problem n all you have to advice is that men should beat up their violent partners instead of tryna change her n help her become a better person?!
How am I sure you aren't a victim yourself n in need of help?
Jesus fix your CAVE mind set!
You are very stupid, or just trying to be funny.
DeleteShut the fuck up!
DeleteStella I am vry disappointed in u, yes vry diappointed. Why should u post comments like this, somebody will b seeking for help, and ds boy will be writing rubbish. If he doesn't attribute a woman,s predicament to being fat, he writes unmeaningful things like the one above. Mm and linda eze,s comments shld be censored sometimes.
DeleteJudgemental goat! That's what you are. Olodo!
DeleteJudgemental goat! That's what you are. Olodo!
DeleteShut up your stinking mouth. She will marry a good man and God will give her self control till she meets an imp like you
Delete*BAD ASS BITCH*
Shut up your stinking mouth. She will marry a good man and God will give her self control till she meets an imp like you
Delete*BAD ASS BITCH*
Are you sure you read the post thoroughly? If yes, then you need counseling just like the poster too.
DeleteU re d most stupid person I have met in this life time.stupid ewu gambia,she is here pouring her mind out acknowledging dat wat she's been doing is wrong nd u re here talking trash....ewu okigwe
DeleteEh yah... You should send in your on chronicles. You have a worse situation here
DeleteEh yah... You should send in your own chronicles. You have a worse situation here
DeleteOh pleas can u shut up ur dirty stinking mouth n dt dead brain of yours hw dull can you be to drop this kind of comment. She agreed she has a problem y run her down sayn she lacked proper up bringing pple like you are worst. Foolish money maker ozuwor infact u even lack propoer upbringing for u to say such monkey pikin.
DeleteYou're so senseless.were u expecting one to laugh at this nonsense you just typed?pls borrow yourself brain coz it's very obvious you have none. Ewu 10kobo.
DeleteThe bitter truth is dat some parents doesn't care about the training and upbringing of their children.They only care about gbenshing and producing children anyhow.
DeleteOMG!
DeleteI was not expecting this backlash.
I am only being truthful.
Koboko is harmless. It has never killed or sent anyone to d hospital. It is meant for mannerless people.
At least, when the stubborn woman remember that Koboko is in the house. She will behave normal.
The magnitude of your insensitivity and stupidity is awesome!..
DeleteOya, clap for yourself
Olori awon okponu
Even mannerless people like you need a stronger koboko. You will never disappoint me. Money TAKER spewing rubbish, and diagnosed of mouth diarrhoea since 1904.
DeleteDear all, please complete this sentence : As dumb as.... MONEY TAKER!
Rubbish, money maker my foot.....
This is exactly what this empty person wants. Attention! And you're all handing it to him on a gold platter. You people should learn to jump and pass certain people's comments.
DeleteDre!!!!!!! You are so insightful. Your comment is 100% on point.
DeleteMy dad would beat my mum to stupor...
ReplyDeleteBeat my brother till he bleeds from his nose
Strip my sister naked and handcuff her to a pole behind our house from dawn to dusk
Starve us for days after he has sent my mum packing
She'll come back begging after some days: all because of her children
Bring women to the house and order my mum to cook for his sin partners
Were we affected by this? YES
Did we grow up to resent men? YES
I basically never loved any man. Loving my husband took a lot of work. I am still trying not to see my Father in him
My brother? Grew up with scars both emotional and physical. Joined a secret cult to be "tough". Took to drinking and smoking indian hemp @ an early age.
Today, the Story is different. I and my siblings found Christ after the death of Our Parents ( they both died along the line) and He healed our wounds. The damage was deep but we FORGAVE our father and surrendered EVERYTHING to him
Every pain
Every hurt
Every abuse
Every memory
EVERYTHING
The journey hasn't been smooth But I now know I was unfortunate to have had a nasty father and that does NOT change the fact that there are great men out there.
Poster, forgive your father and let go of the hurt. That's your first step to recovery
Anon 15:32,it haff do naw.Habaa.
DeleteU wan take am sing music?
FYI
Dat someone s father is an armed robber is not an excuse. for him to follow suit.
Everyone should be accountable for their actions.
Hi Stella,
DeletePls u don't have to post all of money maker's daft comments. he is merely seeking attention .he needs more therapy than the lady in question
I have never really insulted anyone on this blog but I must do so now
DeleteMoney maker, as much as we try to be funny and "fly", we shouldn't loose our sensitivity. I post this comment up there. For 16 years of my life I lived in sadness and pain until my dad died. I am 28 now and I am yet to recover from what I saw happening as a child. We were abused beyond words and all you can do is sit behind that Nokia 3310 of yours and type rubbish?
Isi o di kwa gi mma?
You really are pathetic. I hate the fact that stella approves ur nasty comments but then it's her blog and her ways cannot be my ways.
If you've got nothing good or uplifting to say, SHUT UP
MM... if you are this stupid, senseless, foolish, and unreasonable, then I wonder how / what your parents are.
DeleteYou are sooooooo disgusting!
You people keep talking trash about Money maker's comment as if you guys pays for his data or he is using you guys gadget to browse...
DeleteHis comments his opinion...
So Stella should stop enabling his comments because his opinion is different from yours?,..
Mtchheeewww...
You all should shut up!...everyone cannot have something positive to say...
Dear Anons, help me tell him o
DeleteIts no suprise.seeing as you grew up witnessing such..you need to talk to someone, a councellor, or a pastor.I really hope you get good advices on here.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I just read that dv post of the lady whose ears was chopped off.
And in as much as I symphatized with her, I 'd say she had it coming.
You knew you were living with an angry and moody man, and you put up with him hoping he'd change?
From some of the comments I read it was obvious the man was or used to be a cultist.and I'm dead sure the wife knew all that.maybe she liked her boys "bad"
Cultist are known to kill and maim, so how can you comfortably live/put up with one?
Those in a dv marriage /relationship, keep enduring until you are maimed for life.tell me how that lady can be confident ever again? With one and a half ear lobe? Oh God!
When you talk, the ones already going through DV in their homes will say its cos you aint married, then they go ahead to dash you 30 years of age.
Nodu nu ebe anwa unu anugo?
Don't forget to pray.May God help u.
ReplyDeleteTake it to God in prayer
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, my people I have this analysis.
ReplyDeleteOh well, there is the guy that has been on my case for about 5 months.
We have been getting along well and I must state that he is a really awesome guy but lately he has changed a bit. He doesn't check up on me like before and it really hurts. He claims to be busy but he wasn't busy 5 months ago oh. Even when he was busy, he always had time and his calls were sometimes annoying but now I have to beg for it.
He is still the nice guy but I just don't like the vibe I am getting from him.
We might not be dating officially as I haven't said yes but we practically act as a couple. He is always ready to spend as much as he has on me and this sometimes scares me even though I know he isn't into any shady deal.
On several occassions, he has tried missing me but I didn't oblige, not because I wasnt interested but his mouth stinks. Arrgh, I can't tell him directly because the excuse I give him is that I don't want any kissing and all. How do I tell him he has a bad breadth without making him feel less of a man?
Also, whenever he is taking me out to exotic resturants, he is always like dress well and I am not one to disappoint and I wonder why he always say that and I when he comes to pick me, chai, I no fit close my mouth. He always dresses shabbily and not appropriate. Mostly on Palm slippers that are not polished. How do I tell him to up his style, if not for me but for anyone he is going to date in future because he has at least enough money to dress well but he doesn't.
Sorry for my long epistle, I just felt like voicing out to my blog family
Personally, I believe in helping people. Some people need to be pushed, others, advice
DeleteYou may start by buying him a good toothpaste ( Try Sensodine or Euthymol) tell him it ll give him a better breath and make it look like you are advertising the products. My DH had a similar problem and I simply lld look at him lovingly and say, Babe, your breath is stale. Should I get you a gum to chew or something? At first he was embarrassed but when he understood I wasn't out to mock him but to correct him in love, he began appreciating me for that
Secondly, you can also correct the way he dresses. Buy him one or two shifts, for your next date, tell him you would like to see him on one of the shirts. It is a gradual thing but if you love him, you will patiently groom him
I will soon tell this poster to come and beat you up like she has been doing. Can't you see that the situation here is very tight.
DeleteMadam violent,I will still curse U,because if it a man do in this all women in this blog go talk.I'm glad U realised it wicked ways.first ur mind needs detoxification. U need a psychologist ,cause U can't do this on ur own.U need to pray about it as well,count to 10 and breath in and out when U are angry.U can walk away as well. Read books on how to manage anger.
ReplyDeleteMay u get help in Jesus name, Amen. God will heal u just cry unto him, bc he said he will change our heart of stone to a heart of flesh. God bless u.
ReplyDeleteTry talk to a man of God and let them arrange prayers for you, even deliverance and reading books on how to overcome your situations. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteRecovery from a violent mindset......possible ???
ReplyDeleteYeah but difficult, its quite a tortuous pathway to restructuring the mindset from an adapted state and it actually begins with giving your life to christ, in total submission.
Anger and violence are manipulative vices which the devil utilizes to deplete our harvest of joy on earth and it takes severe modesty and control to evade violent thoughts. Such magnitude of modesty can only come from a well cultured human embedded in God's words...
The good news is that you weren't born this way, you only transformed into this 'character' via permeation from the happenings in your immediate surrounding and as a human, you should see yourself as a vessel of power, a vessel of freedom.....you possess so much power that nothing can tie your freedom....you own your freedom, hence you are too strong to be limited. Out greatest limitation in life is ourself so take the bold step of un-doing this 'character', trace your step to who you truly are and embrace Christ, for in Him you have your key to everlasting freedom.
With regards to the physical, go online(books, journals) and read much about anger management, its benefits and safe methods of adopting its principles, also avoid any thing that would exacerbate your current state, continue in this direction and prevent any relapse. Enjoy your life dearie.
Li-yon Vls.
Poster, read this.
DeleteEnd time chronicle
ReplyDeleteStella should b blocking ur posts till u actually write something useful
Delete@ one trillion na wah oooo.
DeleteEnd thing comment
Basically you need a therapist to work with. Who will help you. But above all you need to pray and get someone a pastor who understands this and fears the Lord who will pray with you. And yes I mean it. I know some people will come under my comments to say we take everything spiritual and bla bla.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up my father was very hard/strict and name it. I realized it after my university and I didn't know who to talk to about it. So I started praying about it and telling God my dad is like this I don't want to be that. And I started to see God help me. But am not there yet, now am married I just realized a few other things that I need to deal with it prayer. I say go to God because he alone understands and can deliver you completely from those tendencies. You also need to talk to your brothers about it.
I discovered after a an observation I made over time, that guys who beat their wives saw their father or a relative do it.
Men Who are terrors in their homes saw their fathers do it and likewise for the ladies.
Now to the general house, if you are in house where this takes place, you need to defend the weak especially the children or the victim. I had a friend whose hubby use to beat his wife, and the children were seeing. One day as he was beating his wife the first son of about 6 or 7 at that time asked the father why he did that, his father told him it's the devil. So that night while everyone was asleep, he took a lamp and was looking for the devil. His father woke to see him in the dark with a lamp and the father asked him what he was doing, he told his dad he was looking for the devil and that broke the man. He who has ears let him hear.
Na wao
ReplyDeleteIt is well poster, with time it 'll be a thing of the past, and yu 'll be the lady yu 've ever wished for ur self.
ReplyDelete@ Money Maker, I read your comment and I shook ny head. This poster not by her doing grew up where domestic violence was the norm, and it was not her fault in any way, as we don't choose which homes to come from. But she has realized that, it is not a normal life as she has seen some tendencies in her life and wants a change, a turn around and that post you put up there is what you had to write...? Smh. All the best to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but money maker you really should try to read and respond like an adult. You are the kind of man we tell these young girls to avoid. Lacking any form of moral compass, discipline, self control and emotional intelligence.
ReplyDeleteLol...na today u know say money maker brain dey get small touch? Hian!!!
DeleteOooooh my am sorry dear, I now dat sucks but u need help I mean pr0fessi0nal help. And u need t0 learn to control ur rage.
ReplyDeleteThanks young girl for coming out to seek for help. What you have (transferred from dad) is called "fits of rage"; in Gal. 5:19. Take these steps.
ReplyDelete1. Come down from the "high horse" of "having fun" and close your legs.
2. Mortify the flesh: through fasting (gradually, 6-12, 6-3, 6-6) and fruit fast all the while drinking water.
3. Meditate on God's word while you fast and pray.
4. Do not visit the "mediums", you will end up opening your life to the destroyer to destroy just like he did the first human family at Eden (mediums include; spiritualists, babalawo, witch doctors, some pastors that act as such etc.) If you ask you mom or dad, you will see that they at some point had consulted mediums to inquire or seek some fortunes. The spirit transferred into them continue to make sure that there is no peace in the family. It is these same spirits that has been transferred to the kids and manifesting. Have seen myriad like this in the course of my work.
5. Make peace with those folks you have brutalized and forgive your dad ("forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us).
Thanks for reading and good wishes in your new home which I know will be shortly.
Dear Poster, you can become different. Go down on your knees and cry out to God to help you and mean it. Then whenever the urge to raise your hand comes, DON'T yield to it. Choose something else like walking away. Your experiences caused you to grow up as an angry and hardened person. There is a soft side to you even if yo don't believe it. I pray the Lord will help you see life differently. It's a process and everyday you wake up, be ready to let your angry side die and let your loving side live.
ReplyDeleteHow I dealt with anger
I think you need to see a shrink. It has gotten so deep that you cant do it alone. Beating from any angle is not right and coming from a lady makes it all shades wrong. Please see a counsellor asap so as not to wreck your life. There are some guys that you will slap that will redesign your face. Is that what you want?
ReplyDeleteMine is no different, just that my dad has realized his mistake, back then no kind of beating we didn't receive from him, stick, stones, wire, legs, etc the result is I am hard Hearted most times, stubborn,independent n yes I ll slap a guy if he slaps me I don't care. I have actually ended relationships cuz of this. I no fit suffer wetin ma mama suffer, I respect her anytime...
ReplyDeleteI won't judge you but please read books on temperament. I'm sure if your father wasn't abusive you would not have been abusive.
ReplyDeleteWork on yourself and pray hard to God.
He will listen and help if you have faith in you.
ABUSIVE MEN SHOULD BE BEHEADED!!!!!
www.ckjacob.com
I won't judge you but please read books on temperament. I'm sure if your father wasn't abusive you would not have been abusive.
ReplyDeleteWork on yourself and pray hard to God.
He will listen and help if you have faith in him.
ABUSIVE MEN SHOULD BE BEHEADED!!!!!
www.ckjacob.com
Now that you have desire for a new life, all you need his Jesus. Tell him you are sorry for those you have ill treated. Forgive your daddy and start living right with God. Date only children of God that will help you grow in him and remember to be holy in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteU need CHRIST, U need the peace of God. Just be close to Him and his teaches which is the Bible. Read spiritual books and grow in CHRIST.
ReplyDeleteIts really a sad 1...U can change if u truely want too.
ReplyDeleteknowing its wrong is your first healing power then forgive your father n yourself. Also pray to God to make you a better person n ask Holy Spirit to be your greatest friend,guide you on journey of life.Lastly,just as madam Stella said get motivational books that relate to your problem n talk to someone you feel is more spirtual than you.Stay bless dearie n God loves YOU
ReplyDeleteApart from the emotional, physical, social and behavioural damage abuse it creates for children, statistics show that domestic violence can also become a learned behaviour.This means that children may grow up to think it is okay to use violence to get what they want and as adults that it is okay for them to be violent in their relationships.Please read "Heart on a Chain by Cindy C.Bennett".I salute your courage..You shall tell good tales soon.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteApart from the emotional, physical, social and behavioural damage abuse creates for children, statistics show that domestic violence can also become a learned behaviour. This means that children may grow up to think its okay to use violence to get what they want and as adults that it's okay for them to be violent in their relationships.
ReplyDeletePls read"Heart on a Chain"by Cindy C.Bennett. I salute your courage...You shall tell good tales soon.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePoster you are not a change and you dont have Christ in you,
ReplyDeleteyou have your fathers heart not your mother cos ur mother was humble.
you need the fear of GOD in you,that is all you need as a woman and that will make
you to overcome all,,cos inside you
you have a wicked heart of revanges and you can poison your husband one day with
this same heart of you if you can not pray now and reading your bible every day
to build the fears of God inside your mindset.....
shallom ..from swiss
Poster you are not a change and you dont have Christ in you,
ReplyDeleteyou have your fathers heart not your mother cos ur mother was humble.
you need the fear of GOD in you,that is all you need as a woman and that will make
you to overcome all,,cos inside you
you have a wicked heart of revanges and you can poison your husband one day with
this same heart of you if you can not pray now and reading your bible every day
to build the fears of God inside your mindset.....
shallom ..from swiss
If not of evil and wicked heart,cos
ReplyDeletei have seen a GOOD PASTOR AND A WONDERFUL REV FATHER his father was an evil
native doctor in the village,,
if your father is poor why will you want to become rich?
if you father is not educated ,why will you wish to be educated?
if your fathers house is old ,why will you want to make it new?
be the change your father will learn from and correct all his mistakes
from swiss
If not of evil and wicked heart,cos
ReplyDeletei have seen a GOOD PASTOR AND A WONDERFUL REV FATHER his father was an evil
native doctor in the village,,
if your father is poor why will you want to become rich?
if you father is not educated ,why will you wish to be educated?
if your fathers house is old ,why will you want to make it new?
be the change your father will learn from and correct all his mistakes
from swiss
Anon 20:51,well said. Another wise comment.
DeleteWow......I luv d fact dat u cn stand up 4 u urself bt hey, dere r beta ways of handling/settling issues..........i hv temperament issues bt by God's grace, ova d yrs, i've learnt 2 control my temper by learnin silence syndrome.....Ask God 2 help u as He helped me.....mind u, it doesn't happen in a flash......May God help u
ReplyDeleteWow......I luv d fact dat u cn stand up 4 u urself bt hey, dere r beta ways of handling/settling issues..........i hv temperament issues bt by God's grace, ova d yrs, i've learnt 2 control my temper by learnin silence syndrome.....Ask God 2 help u as He helped me.....mind u, it doesn't happen in a flash......May God help u
ReplyDelete@anonymous 15:57, I know little about Emjay. She isn't one of my favourite blog buddies which has nothing to do with her blog persona, rather it's my irregular visits to this blog which robbed me of the opportunity to form an opinion about Emjay. However, I find comments like yours monumentally low and uncouth.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to post rude and abusive comments when you have the advantage of invisibility. One of the down sides of the Internet is it inspires rodents to don the invisibility cloak, grab a microphone and squeak knowing their squeaks will be magnified to sound like the roaring of a lion. It's not enough that you implied that she's a fool who is stuck with foolery due to her age. You sink lower by bringing up her marital status. I wouldn't be surprised if you were among those who pop their arteries yelling at ladies who remain in horrible marriages where their lives are at stake. Suddenly, you realise "marriage is not a do or die affair" yet you demean an unmarried lady by asking her to go get married as though getting a husband is as easy as picking up a pack of tampons at a drug store. The stench of the hypocrisy is legendary in a negative way.
Be careful with how extravagant you are with hurtful words. Just because you may be crocodile skinned doesn't mean everyone is. Personally,the effects of disrespectful comments on me has a short shelf life but that doesn't mean they don't sting initially. Just so you know, claiming to be completely unperturbed by negative comments is not necessarily a virtue, it may as well be a symptom of sociopathy. Sociopaths are so mentally deficient that they feel nothing, zero emotional reaction. They can't feel pain, joy, remorse etc.
From your lacklustre comments, I'll safely presume that you're not a sociopath , that will actually be an upgrade. You are just a small minded individual plagued by pedestrian mentality.
A thousand likes!!!
DeleteGod bless you Ronalda.. take note all ye cyber bullies.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. See the link below for more info.
ReplyDelete#sincere
www.ufgop.org