Sunday In House Gists.

Saturday In House Gist HERE with Gists 1-4 and Sunday In House gists below with Gists 5-11 ...You can only vote once.If you voted Yesterday,you cannot vote today unless you cancel yesterdays vote.
Anonymous vote or emergency ID'S do not count.hehehehhe
Enjoy!

GIST FIVE

SWEET REVENGE

So that Gregory gist made me remember one funny incident that happened during my time in one of the first generation fast foods in naija back then. I was a cashier on that day working the morning shift, when my supervisor, supi for short let me call her Chizoba came to me and said  if I felt hungry I could go and have breakfast while she man my cash point for me.  in my mind I was wondering what could have made Thatcher show me an act of kindness, it was like Christmas in June.

Now let me tell you a bit about supi Chizoba, she is what we describe as mean and heartless, simply because she'll always follows the company rules to the latter, any offender caught by her, is done for; if she catches you with any product,  no just beg you are definitely going, everyone was weary of supi Chizoba, everyone that is, except the ones in her clique.

That was how I went to our restroom, had my sample with some beverage I keep in my locker, napped for like five minutes, in all if spent  about fifteen minutes, by the time I came out, I meet an unusual sight, our internal security, let me call him Gbenga was guarding supi like his life depended on it, if supi move one step, the guy go cover the space, I observed the scene for some time, me I no too come understand am, the guy would not even let her leave the cash point area. 

I asked my supi what happened she said I should ask Gbenga that she doesn't know what is wrong with him, me I no bother ask because I knew he won't even answer me, the guy they always maintain im lane, said his job description doesn't allow for familiarity. 

In my mind I was just hoping it's not what I was thinking, because why else will security be following a staff like that. supi said she had to go to the office and get the key to my machine to enable her do the machine reading, Gbenga said I should go get the key that she isn't going anywhere, by then crowd don dey gather, those in morning shift in the production area was talking excitedly, God done finally catch supi, word spread to the factory department and people were coming in to behold the sight, everywhere was abuzz.

Gbenga's plan was to make sure we had a full house, that was how he kept policing her till about one o'clock, by that time those on afternoon shift are supposed to have taken over and those on morning shift will be handing over, so what it meant was that everyone was present, except those on off duty.

Everyone could at least guess what was going on, her clique was giving her sign to destroy the "evidence" by chewing it. how you wan take chew naira note?. When Gbenga was satisfied with the crowd turnout, he told supi to bring out what she took from the cashier's machine (that is how we keep having shortages, and paying for what we know nothing of). supi said she doesn't know what he was talking about, Gbenga sent for one of the female security, with two women from factory as witness; they took supi  into the restroom, convinced her to strip if she had nothing to hide. that was how she stripped and according to them 5k in 1k note each fell from her paent.

The Oga's at the top tried to cover it up, because she na dia own person, but Gbenga threatened to take the matter to HQ in Lagos if they don't do anything about it, they had no choice but to let her go. Turned out supi was once mean to Gbenga and the guy has been waiting for an opportunity for revenge. After that day eh nobody dey near my machine, if am going anywhere I'll lock it and go with the key; before I'll go and come and pay for what I don't know.

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GIST SIX

TOOTHPICK

Last month,  my uncle came to our house with the funniest household gist I have heard. He said, for sometime he had been noticing how fast the toothpick in his house finishes fast. At a point he didn't want to ask so his wife wont be angry that he is complaining of something so trivial as a toothpick. Anyway one Saturday, after eating his lunch, about to reach for a toothpick, he again noticed it was only three sticks remaining inside the container. 

A thought flashed through his mind that the packet was full in the morning so... fiam he got upset, knowing fully well that his 4years  and 6year old  twins cannot use a toothpick, and apart from him and his wife, the only person remaining was the house-help.

Immediately without wasting time, he summoned everyone, he needed answers, and of course his wife was not at home.

"What happened to all the toothpicks?"
"What and what do you people do with the toothpicks in this house?"
He thundered!

Well the children had no answer!
The help looked disturbed, knowing she has to give an answer.
She looked at the man and said "Uncle, no be me o, na your children way dey always use it and throw it away, as for me, I always put the toothpick back after I don use am!"
"Eeeeh?" My uncle asked. 

And by way of defending herself, the stupid girl repeated what she had said, kaii my uncle was dumbfounded and became really angry. So instead of doing something he will regret later, he came over to gist my dad.

We all burst into laughter. It was so hilarious. How can someone use a toothpick and put it back inside the container? Hahahahaaa. Plus my uncle's grim face... kwakwakwaa we all laughed harder. That girl is really dumb! Remembering this story is making me laugh the more! You all should watch your house-helps closely,  especially the unschooled ones. Cheers

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GIST SEVEN

MY FOOTBALL AGE

I went for musical talent hunt audition and was doing fine. It was remaining one stage of d auditions before we get into the academy. When it was my turn to sing, i went and delievered. The judges were acting wowed. 

They asked me how old i was. Then i was 18years old but have been hearing about football age so i decided to forge mine there and then

I told them that i was 15years.

U mean One and five? Like fifteen years old?"one of the judges stressed.

 Foolish me bodly told him yes that i am 15years and even showed them with my fingers in the air. . They all smiled at me and i became happy. At first i thought that my age will attract all round "YES" from them and even more votes from the viewers when the time comes but i was wrong. My eye cleared when one of the judges said.

" You are amazing, you are wonderful,you sing so well but you see,you are too young for this competiton, you are just too young; the age limit here is 18years. Maybe you come back when you are of age and try, am sure you are gonna do well. .....''

I was like. ''cant you see that i am lying? Do i even look 15 to you? Abi you no get eyez ni#. The other one said

"You are good but too young dear,better luck next time honey" 

''who is too young? Na you born me? Person no fit follow una joke about her age again? Abi you never hear about football age before?''.

I was disqualified because of my said age. Na so me i carry my two left legs waka comot for stage...... Bad market.

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GIST EIGHT

EXPENSIVE BABOON

Ten years ago on a warm Saturday afternoon my mom (she's late now, God bless her soul) who was a very strict disciplinarian and a beautiful fair woman, left happily for the salon to fix her hair so she can be able to make plenty shakara for my dad when he came back. She returned seriously cranky and discontented with the way the hairdresser had fixed the weav on for her. 

She kept complaining and murmuring, swearing that she would never fix her hair in that salon ever again (na only that salon she dey go make her hair o), that the lady had charged her so much for the rubbish hair. Haba!, we were tired of her whines and constant yelling for I and my sister to bring the mirror for her to check if the hair suited her.

 We constantly reassured her that the hair was not too bad. That one na just reassurance o, the hair was really bad, ein no fit her at all, but Wetin we go do na, we just wanted her to kpor mkpi (calm down). 

Not long, my dad came back for his usual weekend visits -he does not work in the same city where we live- we are usually super excited when he comes back as my dad is cool and fun to be with. So as usual we ran out to welcome him and relieve him from the weight of the goodies he bought for us. As he stepped into the house my mom greeted him with a frown plastered firmly on her face.

Dad: Nke what's the problem

Mom: Nothing (the frown just doubled)

Dad: why is your face like that na

Mom: my face is normal

Dad: Ok

As my dad turned to make his way to his room, my mom started bombarding him with complains, ''see this hair I spent so much money to make, look at how it turned out, I want to loose it o, the money to make another one is the wahala now''. Indirectly telling dad that he would have to give her another hair money Asap. My dad as a man na replied her jokingly "but I don't see anything bad with it". Mom kept on complaining as they entered his room.

Not long they came out to the sitting room with my dad handing a 'nite of a thousand laugh' CD plate to my junior brother instructing him to play it. We were all seated, preparing ourselves for an afternoon of a thousand laughs at home. The video started playing and we were all laughing except mum who kept checking her face in the mirror clearly miserable.

Fifteen minutes into the video, na em 'klint da drunk' drunkenly walked up to the stage and started performing, he had said one or two things before saying in his usual sing song voice with the band lending him some cool lazy beats

"If you are a woman here and you go to an expensive salon and come back looking like an expensive baboon, don't worry, be happy."

Hehehehehehehehehehehhe. 

(I don't know if any of you have seen the video or better still was opportuned to witness the life performance)

At first we all froze, surprised that the same thing klint was singing about in the video was actually happening in our sitting room, we looked over at where mum was eyeing klint da drunk (I swear that her eye could have struck down the drunken klint on that stage if that was a life performance) , I and my siblings  started laughing so hard, my dad could not hold himself too, he joined us, we all could not stop crackling, she just released one tight smile with the corner of her lips.

 My mischievous brother replayed the scene more than five times until she had no other option than to join us in the laughing business. 

The next day dad who still insisted that he did not see anything wrong with the hair, gave her money to go change the hair sharp sharp, make the mirror rest and every body for house hear word.

NB: you guys should not mind the topic sentence o, my mum was a really pretty woman. 

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GIST NINE

QUANTUM PHYSICS DREAM

Hello‎ bv's 

Let me give you guys this gist

I remember during an exam in school, the course is a very tough course,we call the course quantum physics,sincerely,i don't understand anything in that course,and the professor teaching the course does not help mater at all,the only thing he does is to come to class and starts looking at breast

So back to my gist,as soon as I was given the exam question, I started crying, because I didn't understand anything written there,its just like I've never seen those terms before, the invigilator noticed and came to where I was seated,and asked what the problem was, I increased the tempo of my crying like say somebody die,he now took me to one corner,and asked me to speak up.

 Uhm,i told him I read till 2am,the previous night,only for me to sleep, and ‎saw my step mom in my dreams telling me she has taken everything I read that I will fail the course,the man come dey pity,and asked what I will like him to do for him,i now told him to allow me sit with our class efiko,that was how I take pass the course o

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GIST TEN

CHILDHOOD DISAPPOINTMENT
Childhood was so much fun for me being the tata(baby) of the house..I got away with lots of things and had some crazy experiences and would love to share this:
     As the last child of the house and being a kid I had so many privileges like no house chores, following my parents to every occasion,  sneaking into their room to sleep close to mum at night whenever I had nightmares, the privileges were so enticing that I prayed never to grow up

***shines teeth***.....                      

So on this beautiful friday noon, my parents were discussing attending a couple's dinner in church,  being the kid I was I went to my mum and told her I would follow them, she tried to convince me it's meant just for couples and not family but my over pampered nature didn't make me succumb.... So I decided to do the usual thing I did whenever my parents refuse me following them out,  all I need do is dress up and stand in front of the compound and they will have no choice but to take me out(I smiled to myself and ran to my room to prepare for OUR dinner) ......the dinner was scheduled for 8pm, by 7:30 I was all dressed up and sparkling In my pink gown, flowery socks and alinco glasses, I stood outside the compound with happiness smeared all over my face....

My dad came out with his car keys in a bid to head for the dinner but was so astonished to see 8years old me standing outside like a stranded dinner date "what is this , will you get inside" he shouted In a high pitched tone that brought my siblings and mum out,  mum was ready for the dinner and was surprised to see me all dressed up while my siblings just stood there giggling...

 Dad was about to spank me when mum told him she will handle it,I felt happy that I get to follow them after all "baby this your gown is off the dress code, go and wear the blue 1 I bought for you and I will make sure you follow us, I am waiting for you"  mum whispered to me... I quickly ran inside all smiles to change my dress but I had hardly pulled my dress when  I heard the car engine start ZOOOOOM!!!!

 I threw away my shoes and glasses and ran out crying, mum had deceived me and they had left me behind and to make the situation worst my siblings did not stop laughing at me,  I got angry and increased the volume of my cry thereby sounding like a stereo undergoing repair... Still they continued laughing and giving me the "NTOOR"(tongue out)  sign and this got me more infuriated... 

Since I knew I couldn't fight them I had the habit of scattering something just to put them to work that is the only way I could pay them back and they dare not beat me so as not to face mum's wrath... So as I thought of what to scatter I angrily ran to the kitchen and started pushing the cupboard that contained food ingredients.... , before I could say JACK the cupboard opened and there I sat like a barbecue,  bathed in food ingredients(salt, pepper, curry and oil) , that was SEASONS 2 of the cry, my siblings mocked me while I angrily ran to my room and cried myself to bed .  

(After that night i never scattered things at home, whenever my siblings give me the NTOOR sign, I just reciprocate by telling them NTOOR too and act like it doesn't hurt then I run to my room to secretly cry ).....

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GIST ELEVEN

OH DEAR,POOR YOU!

Greetings my people. I just remembered one gist that happened when i

was in J.S.S 2. I had this class mate called Patience. Her house was

not very far from mine. There was a day she didn't come to school, so

after school i went there. She told me she was sick and i exclaimed

"oh dear! Poor you" (Because, i know she doesn't take drugs when

sick). 

So i later advised her to use pap to take her drugs and she

agreed. Later, i noticed her countenance changed and i was the only

one talking till i got tired and left.

Her parents are illiterates and she told them everything that

transpired between us. The next day, they reported me to my parents.

Telling them how i insulted them and even had to rub it on their faces

about how poor they were. That no one knows tomorrow and when there's

life, there's hope, so i shouldn't look down on them because of their

condition. Citing different examples of people that were poor but

later became rich in future.

I was speechless, devastated, infact de-stabilized. Because i knew i

couldn't have said such a thing. My mum knows me very well and knows

i'm not capable of such. I told them i didn't say it and asked them to

present the person that told them. That's when patience said i told

her the last time i visited her. 

I shouted! Me? When? Where? How? 

She said when she told me she was sick, i said "oh dear! Poor you". Chai!

I nearly fainted. Na that day i know say illiteracy na disease more

deadly than HIV AIDS. 

At this time ehn, my mumsy don laugh troway for ground. Shuo! Make una see me see makosa oo... Na em my popsy come begin explain give them say na oyibo i speak to their daughter and the thing no mean say them dey poor.

Still, these people no believe. We even go call neighbours, dem explain give them but they just said ok they've heard us. 

Since then, na only greeting dey jam us together. They later relocated and we lost contact. Few days ago, i saw Patience on one of the social networks

through mutual friends and i sent her a message which reads " Oh dear!

Poor you" and she replied with "Bwahahahahaha..... Abeg e don do".

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GIST TWELVE

 INDO WETIN???

i hope this joke makes You smile........

Many years ago,one of my friends told us a parry will be going on beside his house and the organizer is an old student (Eko Boys High School).

We got there with our buba and sokoto like say den invite us.We were seated for like 30 mins,no food,so we resulted to moving closer to the organizer.I got to the organizer and greeted him as an old student "Indomino",i expected him to reply saying"Confidimus" rather,the man said"Indo wetin?Please bring food i have guests'' said the man.

The organizer was scared thinking we belong to an occultic group.immediately,foods landed on our table.