Sunday In House Gists.

Saturday in house gists stopped at number 6 and todays own begins from 7...

From both posts,only one winner can emerge.

GIST SEVEN

LESSON FOR THE LADIES

Hi Stella,

Your Blog is the BEST.

Let me call our secretary Miss A, she is 37 years old single lady. She told me, she committed abortion three times while in secondary school and she had asked God to forgive her. In January this year she met a divorcee, the man had married for five years. He divorced his wife because she couldn’t bear children. He told Miss A that before he will pay her bride price, she must be pregnant, Miss A find it difficult to conceive. so I suggested Clomid, but all to no avail. She fasted, prayed and gives alms and yet nothing happened.

After 6months, this guy started behaving somehow, in fact he stopped calling, it’s only miss A that calls and chat with him. One day miss A worn a top that makes her look as if she was pregnant, she took a picture and send it to the guy, immediately the guy called and asked her who is responsible? She didn’t say a word. The following day, the guy flew from Port Harcourt to Abuja to out if truly she is pregnant. She told the guy that she is not pregnant, that it was the top she worn that made it looks as if she was pregnant. 

Two days later , he called and told miss A that his friend set him up, that he was drugged in his friend’s birthday and he had sex with his friend’s girl friend’s friend, that the lady is pregnant and she is in her final year, that his friend is now advising him to rent a house for the girl.

Miss A said, she is going to Port Harcourt, that the lady must abort the baby, that she is trying to reap where she did not sow I told her not to fight and she can’t force the lady to abort the baby. I asked her if the guy knows she is coming to PH, she said yes. 

She had twenty five thousand naira in her account, she uses Nokia Lumia phone and a lady brought American fairly used Black Berry to our office, she bought it for twenty thousand naira and she was left with five thousand Naira. she said when she gets to PH, her boyfriend will give her transport fare when coming back .When she gets to PH, she called the boyfriend to come and pick her in the Car park, the guy did not show up, she went to the place he said he works and showed them the picture and tell them his name, they said they don’t know him. 

Miss A went back to the park and continued waiting. By now she was left with Two hundred Naira. She has no money to go back to Abuja. She was stranded. She called the guy again, the guy said, he is in Umuahia and he will be traveling to Lagos from there, she asked the guy to transfer four thousand and five hundred Naira for her, so that she can go back to Abuja, he said that there is no money in the account, he usually transfer money from. That was the last time she heard from him, he stopped picking her calls. Miss A was in park until twelve AM, when the management of the park asked her to leave, she was crying and begging and at the end they allowed her to sleep on a bench in the park. She said mosquito dealt with her. 

She started asking our colleagues to borrow her money; they refused because she doesn’t pay back. At the end I and one of our colleagues transferred four thousand and five hundred Naira to her account. She told me,  she cried bitterly that night and cursed the guy. LESSON; Ladies if you are visiting your Boyfriend, make sure you have enough cash to avoid sleeping in the Car park.

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GIST EIGHT

THERE IS FIRE IN MY P***Y OOOOH

I salute you our sweet Stella. I have this small gist from one of my escapades in School back then. 

There was this guy from the South South whom I was dating. Whenever I wanted a great d*ck, I would just arrange for us to meet, Stella, this guy was loaded down below and his height was just a little above 5ft. 

So on one of such meetings in his home, I had prepared a great meal of semo and egusi soup with correct titus fish, after eating, he brought out a bottle of St. Remmy's wine, we started drinking. 

While drinking, we were watching one porn movie like that 'Pirates of the something something. Omo, na so body begin dey do us tintin, we started romancing, he fingered me and gave me a head while I also did same to him, then he started grinding my P with his machine, immediately I started having this hot feeling down there but I was enjoying his abunna so I ignored, later the hotness turned to a burning sensation, I ignored probably because of the alcohol the sweetness covered every other thing.

 20mins later, he came but I did not come, there was fire in my p*ssy, I pushed him away and rushed to the bathroom and washed myself with soap and water(wrong move), I screamed and ran out out of the bathroom. He was alarmed, I told him 'there is fire in my p*ssy, fire fire in my p*ssy' and that he Should put on the generator and bring the standing fan to blow it, this happened during harmattan oo. 

When he was going outside to put on the generator , I followed

him outside shouting 'fire fire ooo', two of his neighbours came outside and started asking questions, one of them a Single lady went inside and brought out a bottle of palmoil and we rubbed it on my P. 

Since that day we thoroughly washed our hands with soap and water before anything as pepper really showed me shege that day.

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GIST NINE

PRINCIPALITY BROUHAHA

How una dey my fellow bvs? I won knack una this tori as e dey hot.

Back then,we had a cat that i personally named principality due to

some reasons. The cat dey always chuk mouth inside my food even if i

cover am well well. Infact the cat na witch, no doubt. 

What annoyed me most was the day i was sleeping at mid night and started feeling something moving round my stomach and i jumped up shouting snake!

Snake! When my cousin switched on the light to kill the snake, we

discovered it was "principality"(the cat).

 In short, everybody tire for am. I even travelled miles away just to dispose the cat but it came back the next day. Tor! Wetin man pikin go do? We just had to live with it. But the cat frustrate me die.

So we had this next door neighbour,a middle aged woman and her

daughter called Blessing whom "principality" visits as well. Blessing

was my bossom friend and we didn't keep any secret from each other.

She had a boyfriend called James but couldn't tell her mum cause she

was the strict type. You know naija mums now.

On this fateful day, Blessing told me she was expecting her bobo and

she prepared a very delicious meal for him. (Mind you, her mum went

for a wedding ceremony in the same town, so she thought the coast was

clear and she won't be back till evening). Well, James appeared in no

time and i had to excuse myself. Everything was going on smoothly till

i heard her mother's voice, shouting her name and banging on the door

cause it took her time to open it. I was like chai! Omo see gobe.... 

I thought of what i could do to help her out of the mess but couldn't

come up with any reasonable idea. Later she opened the door and told

her mum she was sleeping. About 5 minutes later, i heard her mum

shouting and crying. Out of curiosity, i ran there and saw Blessing's

mum on the floor,raining abuses on both of them. Thank heavens it was

weekend and only few people were at home minding their business. I con

dey wonder and begin ask, wetin happen na? Then her mum said she

forgot the gift she was suppose to present at the wedding, so she had

to rush home to get it. On getting home, she decided to lay on the

couch for awhile as she was very tired and asked Blessing to get the

gift. (unknown to Blessing, principality had sneaked in). 

She noticed the cat sat right in front of the curtain by the side of the window

and was shaking it's tail as if there was something behind the curtain

like rat.( Blessing hid James behind the curtain cause they were

occupying just two rooms; the sitting room and the bedroom. She taught

her mum would head straight to the bedroom so that James could leave

immediately). Her mum thought it was rat and decided to use her akpola

shoe on it.(Blessing tried her best to distract her mum but she wanted

to kill the rat first and thought she was afraid of ordinary rat).

Ghen ghen ghen ghen..... Kasala don burst. She removed the curtain and

lo and behold na homosapien she con see for there.  What! She shouted

eeeeeeeegbami oooooooo..... Infact, the kain race where she pick ehn,

Usain Bolt na learner for where she dey. She forgot the centre table

was in front of her and the next thing we heard was

gbowaaaiiii...Gbaugbaugbau...Gbudugbudu! 

Na em James come dey shout" please ma, i'm not a ghost, i only came to see blessing" Ehn! When person don already break leg? Ewele! Na so both of them con kneel down dey beg mumsy, me sef con join. Una see wetin principality don cause ba?. Ever since then ehn, aswear say Blessing don born again inshort

born twice sef.