Saturday In House Gists.

It's Gisting time again.

Please if you cannot contribute positively,read and waka pass.lol

Today gists are four in number and tomorrows will be four as well.

Only one winner can emerge,if you like hype yourself under anonymous oh..heheheheheheh

GIST ONE

WAYO DADDY

I remember this funny gist from my days in secondary school and I decided to share it,I don't know if it can win the 5k but there is no harm in trying. So here's my gist:                    
Daddy used to come and pick me from school those days very late, I'm always the last to leave school. Give me money to enter transport "mba" let me follow my friends "not an option". Then try  and come pick me early. The thing is I keep reminding him of when we are closing everyday,Nigerian schools sef,monday 3:30,Tuesday sports 4:30pm,Friday fellowship1pm,no be my fault na.

 Anyways,my friends will leave me while me and the maiguardi go dey wait..Then one day he did the unimaginable and unthinkable,the maiguard tire to they wait sef,when the person he was running shift came na byebye things..

After what seemed like a whole day and my eyes red from all the crying and anger,my papa carry him two legs enter abi na horn him horn I still remember what happened that day
Daddy: daddy's girl
Me:I bone face like no tomorrow.and I was so hungry and tired
He know say I dey vex,so he was just trying his best to make me smile..we entered the car and started our journey home,but the way I bone ehn, he ma self go know say everything is not right.
Daddy try everything to ease the mood,even asked,what time we closed today.I bonishly told him 1pm,he was saying ooo sorry o,making up excuses
"he forgot today was Friday bla bla".

Then we were now going o,hmm I just dey frown,dey vex,saying all sorts of things in my angry head. Before daddy come dey slow down motor,for my mind I say: you still want to go somewhere else when hunger dey catch me,but lo and behold daddy now parked at Mr.Biggs eatery the boning immediately turned to a huge smile,all my vex disappeared .  daddy now asked if I wanted  ice cream,me I nodded my head shyly like a mumu Lol,he knew exactly what to do to make me smile..he now bought me meat pie and ice cream, and for my mummy and sisters.
I forgot about the vex,I was even singing and licking my ice cream till I got home,maybe i for cause accident with the way i dey bone before and all it took was mr biggs...Nawao,he knew how to bribe his little girl,daddywayo.
He sha came early the next time,i always laugh whenever I remember DAT day,I laugh...

GIST TWO

CAUGHT RED HANDED.

So here is my own little gist for you guys. I would have sent in this some time back, but still felt like punching someone in the face anytime  I recall the incidence.

I had to deal with the loss of a family member, and that period was a dark one for me. , I withdrew into my shells, shutting  everyone out, broke up with my lee boo; was too tired emotionally to save our relationship, so I let it drown.  

fast-forward to the present day, I fell like my old self, learned  to leave the pain and  moved on. was beginning to feel things again, reached out to Lee boo, but the guy has moved on, don't blame him sha two years is a long time.

So on this faithful day, I was just feeling super horny, I haven't had some in awhile, my only sane option was to do myself, but first I had to set the mood by watching P**n.

You see, my mum and I are like bestie, most times after the day's event we just spend time chatting and gisting into the night which leads to either of us spending the night in the others room, which is fine, but not on this night; mum was just gisting and talking no-stop, so I pretended like I was asleep to see if she'll retire to her room, but it didn't happen. Next thing, she is snoring lightly beside me, I said okay oh I can manage to keep it down.

I pulled out my lappy, plug the earpieces, but as God wan take comot ladder leave me that day, i didn't know that the port I plugged  the earpiece into  was for speaker or something, not the one for earpiece.

That was how I settled, on the thing make I take cure conji. And to even think that i noticed that the thing was sounding somehow, somehow, my mind still no tell me  I felt my earpiece was bad so i increased the volume more.

After some time, , I noticed subconsciously that mumsi, had stopped snoring, but I thought nothing of it, I just dey watch dey go, I was getting there.

Next thing I had was "nwa m gbala taa ife, na ndi nmadu na acho ila lu ula" (my child people are trying to sleep here) chai I just confuse eh; in my confusion I dey try pause the thing, I no come know where the pause button dey again, instead I increased the volume,  Chai I no fit shout eh.  I finally managed to turn it off  by shutting down my system, that was the option my confused brain gave me at the time.

mumsi  didn't say anything else, the woman just wear her slippers dey go her room, ya asikwa ka chi foo, (She told me goodnight) as if nothing happened.

chai I no know how my body dey me, all the stupid feeling just flew out the window,

The next day, I left the house before she woke up sef, go office go dey reason my f**k up. My colleagues were like, the one i signed in early wetin happen? i just fired back na Bad thing?

Mum called my elder sis that day, and told her that  i need a man ASAP. (Mum has PhD in embarrassing someone eh, I still love her though).My big sis has not stopped laughing  at me since then.

"Be Smart, never get caught" has been my mantra since then.

End of Discussion!

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GIST THREE

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

Hello Stella I have been an ardent reader of your blog in fact I'm always online because of your blog lol but I usually comment under anonymous.  After reading about the police blaming the navy about their incompetence I want to share a very funny experience I had with the police some years back. When I was still in school, it was on a friday I had this friend in ibadan so he invited me to come down to ibadan for clubbing so I invited a friend of mine.

 my school to ibadan is just 40min drive we got there around 6 we hung out and later headed to kokodom to club like around 11pm on getting there  just at the gate we were about going in a bus just came by with speed and parked beside  us like five to six men just came down and were holding guns shouting and at us to enter the bus. 

We were 2 girls and 3 guys, there was a fourth guy but he was already in the club, one of the guys with us then asked can I see your identification the next thing I heard was a hot slap on the guy's cheek and he was on the ground, come see the rest of us rushing the bus as if we were late for work, they bundled the guy on the floor inside the bus and drove us to a neareby police station. On getting there one out of the police men remained with us the rest left with the bus, there were 3 police women inside gisting, fat elderly women that were supposed to be retired .

 they told us where to sit  and were advising us to pay our bail so we can leave on time if not we will be there till Monday cause they don't accept bail during the weekend. My friend was crying seriously that her mum will disown her if she learns about it while I was thinking of the embarrassment my mum will give me if she comes there because she will slap me that even the police will plead on my behalf you know hoow yoruba women are.

 Back to my story next thing I heard was a shout from a guy outside saying ole ole ole! Thief thief thief. You need to see how those police women went down on their knees  and started crawling to one inner room. Na so I follow them they crawl go o feeling like bad sharp babe.

 one of the women told me to go back, if I hear? I continued then we heard laughter and we stopped and stood up to see the police guy that was outside saying he was just playing.  Oh you need to hear the amount of curses poured on this guy, the women were saying in yoruba to the guy " it is you that will see thief wahala, they rebuke thief in their lives, another one said she has told God that till she leaves the force she will never encounter thief ,another told the guy it is thief that will kill him cos she has made a convenant with God that she will not die thief death infact she will not encounter thief. See me laughing out loud like I am in my mothers house until the guy look me with bad eye.

 I now went to sit down. Some hours later the guy in the club came to bail us we went back to the club partied all night and left for school the next morning.  I hope my gist made y'll laugh and I win. Shines teeth

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GIST FOUR

''THEM DON TAKE MY THING OOOH''

Good day to you Mrs Korkus and I troway salute for una and all blog family.

This gist was what happened in our compound back in school in 2010.

For the hostel wey we dey live, we get many crazy guys, cults,

smokers, etc, na so den name our hostel IGBO VILLA.

On that faithful day, me and one guy Jelo sit jejely dey gist for

outside, and one of these fagbo boys wey dey live our hostel too,

Ransome just approach us, the guy and Jelo close wella for our

compound and Jelo na gentle guy wey no follow dem dey do all that. 

The guy just say

Ransome: Jelo, na me and you dey for this campus, you go see wetin I

go do you, you no fit cheat me and go like that, honestly I no go cry

for your face.

Jelo: Ransome, na wetin, I no understand now

Ransome: you, you pointing to Jelo and he just left the hostel

Me and the guy just dey laugh say maybe na joke, na so me and Jelo say

make we stroll out as hostel too dry.

We come see Ransome wey sit for floor in the third hostel to ours,

with only boxers and people surround him and he dey cry seriously.

As we approach them na so he just shout, na himmmmm, na him be that,

na him seize my 'thing', help me beg him make he release am to me.

Everybody just dey look Jelo say wetin happen? Ransome come stand up,

pull down his boxer say make everybody see as his 'thing' come small

since when Jelo celebrate him birthday like 6 days ago and he give him

digestive biscuit, hin thing no dey work again. He say he don try to

f**k P*** (one girl for our area) and the thing no stand.

Ransome: I don dey f**k P*** before but since he give me biscuit, my

thing no stand, I don try try try and he no work ( come dey cry

seriously) and pointing to Jelo say, I no go cry for your face. Yet,

he dey cry uncontrollably.

Na so everybody come dey ask Jelo say if na play, make him too return

hin thing. The guy just dey confuse as everybody too, but Ransome

insist say he dey hin hand o.

People come dey shout at Jelo and the thing don dey get out of hand.

We come beg Ransome say make we dey go hostel say make we go beg Jelo

for private maybe he go release am.

As we dey go, na so one small stick almost fall Ransome down, and he

shouted again, haaaaaaa this one too dey there o (pointing to the

stick wey wan fall am down). Everybody come dey look say wetin happen.

As we reach hostel, one guy, Mikolo (cult) come meet us and as Ransome

see am too, he pointed to him and shout say, this one too dey there

ooooo, this one too don take my 'thing', he dey there too.

Mikolo just dash him a very dirty auto reset slap and say make

everybody dey go, he say dey just initiate Ransome and the Igbo and

all the thing wey he take don dey worry am negatively.

As wey dey talk, Ransome just stand up with only boxers and he dey run

and dey shout say, 'dey don take my thingggggg oooooo', na them 'take

my thing oooo'.

Before we know am, he don run reach town, some of his friends just

follow him, and they just call him parents, the following dey they

come pack all his things and na so the guy leave school. But we hear

say he don normal and they don enroll am for another school.

Na so everybody for area come dey joke with 'dey don take my thing

with digestive biscuit' and 'I no go cry for you face'.

Sorry if I waste una time, the gist too funny for anybody wey witness

am then. Thanks and God bless everybody.