This is one of the major reason why some people turn the other eye when they see,know,or hear of a case around them despite plea that you help someone by reporting when there is Violence.
Please even if your goodwill and alleged 'pokenosing' has backfired before,I beg you to report any case you know and keep encouraging one partner to opt out of any life threatening situation before it is too late.
Someone you know will be beaten tonight and they might die....What would you do NOW?
Confession time, all the 'pokenoser' make una come out o
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Make una come answer register!
DeleteThe abused and the one pokenosing
My sister wey I try to defend for d second time,has not been on speaking terms with me.(making someone to luk stupid)wen d pain becomes too much,she cries out,u leave everything and run to rescue her,only to turn around and accuse/fight u,becos d husband says so,wen body don cool small. It's only a victim dat can help herself,(she is grinding slowly to a halt,but has decided not to leave despite everybody assuring her of help and support) na to mind my biz and pray for her. Beatings wey my papa no beat me,abeg I can't deal or refuse to undastand y I go turn mario to cane.
DeleteLastborn
"Someone you know WILL be beaten tonight and they might die....What would you do NOW?" sounds scary.
DeleteNwa Amaka answer
ReplyDeletemy ex can beat for Africa sha, choi
ReplyDeleteI would kneel down and pray he/she survives the beating........ Is best to mind ur business in Nigeria
ReplyDeleteI would kneel down and pray he/she survives the beating........ Is best to mind ur business in Nigeria
ReplyDeleteI tell u. After what I went through. Abeg I no fit.
DeletePlease let's speak out.
ReplyDeleteOnyeka Anakenyi aka Macdesylva the ogbonge wife beater... lol
ReplyDeleteI hate abuse of any form...
ReplyDeleteYes oh...
ReplyDeleteI have had tons of them...since my last experience,I have stopped putting my mouth into husband and wives affair...if you complain to me,I will just say eyaa and advise you to continue praying for your husband...
I would have shared one but I am in the traffic and it has started moving..
Eeh yaaa!!even if u no get motor,u no fit take drop?nq to dey use dat maggot infested mouth dey yab people u sabi...mscheww
DeleteOde, if she's in traffic that has started moving, and she can't type cos of that, does it not mean she's trying to tell u she's about to drive? She fit get oh, me I no know cos ppl wey like to form one thing one thing dey dis blog.
DeleteTHELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDelete#team say NO to domestic violence
Save ur life first before thinking of savaging any marriage!
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
#saynotoDV
ReplyDeleteMy neighbour is in an abusive marriage.I spoke about it yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI'm on friendly terms with her, so I asked her why she takes in all the pummeling.she told me in no unclear terms that I will not understand.by that, she's also saying to me,hey,stay outta this.
Can't do nothing more about it unfortunately.I only pray that she doesn't stop breathing one day.
And I hope that maybe,just maybe,she'd wake up one morning and say Enough is Enough.
And dv goes both ways too.most women abuse their partners.the men are not vocal about it,who speaks for them?
End domestic violence of both sexes now!!!
My neighbour will lock the wife out and beat the hell out of her if she refuse him sex,somethimes she run to my house for safety,this man never cares about the wife or kids,the wife pay the bills while the husband buy new cloth,shoe and flaunt them,just two days ago she broke the husband head with a bottle and I was the happiest person when I saw blood gushing out the unless man gorimapa head...kikikikiki..just saw the man walk pass with big plaster on his head,am watching out for season 2.
DeleteWomen and violence. Those that stay in an abusive relationship and won't leave are the only ones that know why they are there. I am very sympathetic person but if I can run 440 when a man as much as scold me how I'm hand go reach my body? I don't care how rich, handsome a man is. I don't care if I'm employed or unemployed, I don't care the size of his grizzle or how good he knows how to use it. I will not be caught in an abusive relationship in this day and age. If a woman chooses to take abuses I will not involve myself, it's hard work being an enemy especially as a result of busybody. So women in abusive relationships, in as much as I feel your pains cos those stories are chilling, I will not accept your excuses to stay put and device a way to move out because you have no job or money. Dt is not enough especially in our society where the government does not do much to stop this violence. WOMEN PLS DON'T LET AN UNDESERVING MAN DENY YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN THE CHANCE OF BEING ALIVE.
DeleteHummmm
ReplyDeleteOK o
ReplyDeleteSorry to say, I just turn a blind eye coz the first thing they'll ask you is if u r related to them? Or if it's ur business. DV women should get out and find help
ReplyDeleteNigeria is not a country where you'll go and report a dv case of anyone.
ReplyDeleteIts not as if this country has any good shelter for women being abused.there is no where they can flee to.and besides,in nigeria you can't put another person's wahala on your head cos it will backfire big time.
You'll end up being "the enemy".
We don't have a stable body that can protect abused women and children.
True..
DeleteMy neighbour is in an abusive marriage.I spoke about it yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI'm on friendly terms with her, so I asked her why she takes in all the pummeling.she told me in no unclear terms that I will not understand.by that, she's also saying to me,hey,stay outta this.
Can't do nothing more about it unfortunately.I only pray that she doesn't stop breathing one day.
And I hope that maybe,just maybe,she'd wake up one morning and say Enough is Enough.
And dv goes both ways too.most women abuse their partners.the men are not vocal about it,who speaks for them?
End domestic violence of both sexes now!!!
Most times it's better to mind your business oh. There's this couple that lives opposite my house, 2 Saturdays ago we were hearing beating sound, cries and pleas coming from their house, it lasted for more that 30mins and it got to a point that people gathered. My neighbour and I went to knock on their door but the man refused to open, we had to send for the vigilante people before the man would kill his wife (she's a half cast while the man is from Nsukka in Enugu State). Before the vigilante people came, her neighbours were telling us not to bother that it's not a new thing, that he beats her almost everyday, that they've talked snd they're tired..
ReplyDeleteWhen the vigilante people came, they headed straight to the man's door and started banging, the fool didn't want to open the door until they threatened to break the door and beat him up. When he finally opened the door, you needed to see the way this man was sweating like a wrestler, he couldn't even talk shen he saw the two hefty men. They asked to see his wife and when she finally came out, the woman said that we shouldn't bother, that there's no problem but the beat marks were so obvious on her body. I was so mad at her response but what could we do? We jejely left their house since there was no problem as she said.
Fellow bvs what would you call that?
Mixed parentage not half cast. Tnk u
DeleteLMAO @sweating like a wrestler
DeleteDeath is gradually knocking at her door, if I were to be the one, I would Mk sure they beat him blue/black that night. What rubbish
DeleteOr biracial.
DeleteOr mixed race
DeleteMy cousin reported her neighbour who was always pummelling his pregnant wife.
ReplyDeleteAnd when the police came, the man said my cousin lied against him because my cousin is toasting the wife and guess what? The wife corroborated the story.
My lodge boys in school beat up the boyfriend of one of our lodgemates because the guy came to her room and beat silly out of her.
The girl reported the guys trying to help to anti cult.....that they want to kill her boyfriend for her.
I just don't know what is wrong with some people.
I don't have anyone around me who beats his wife
ReplyDeleteTell the person and hope they follow the advice. You can only force a horse to the stream but never to drink from it.
ReplyDeleteWhenever it decides to drink it will drink.
Same with victims of domestic violence. You can only advice. Abi u wan go tie the woman carry her on your back and run out of the house?
Hian!!!!
Am not a good samaritan to settle fight. My own is to look and laugh. I cant be a party to interference because couples will use you to settle. I learnt that a very long time ago
ReplyDeleteYour own is to look and laugh?or you meant to say your own is to look?you cannot be happy when you see people fighting physically now,can you?pls tell me you can't.
DeleteGosh!! The things I read.
@Loveme jeje: what u said is true o. The one I did for some1 I considered a sister has turned me into a hater who doesn't want her progress. Never again abeg. I get my own problem to take care of
DeleteI appreciate the need for the awareness of physical abuse but there is more to abuse than the physical cuts and stitches. More women die everyday from emotional abuse. My ex never raised his hand on me but he repeatedly emotionally abused me and left me suicidal. It took God's grace and inner strength for me to gain back my peace and sanity. Emotional abuse is real.
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence is a serious issue that is firmly rooted in our society. It's a result of bad parenting .
ReplyDeleteMost violent men grew up watching their fathers abuse their mothers. They also saw their mothers forgive and make up excuse for their beastly husbands. Now, some men are under the impression that even after abusing a woman, she won't divorce you, she may even apologise to you, and she definitely won't report you to the police .
When women are abused by their husbands and they confide in their parents, their parents send them back home. Their mothers say stuff like 'maybe you shouldn't do things that upset him. Pray for him. He is a man and the head of the house so you have to obey him. You know what people will say if you leave your husband . No man will marry a divorcee so go back and beg him'.
I don't know what I find more appalling, the wife beater, the wife who makes up excuses for him, the parents who condone such or the police men who refuse to arrest violent men!
This is a cycle that has to be broken. Women have a role to play in raising their sons. It starts with condemning their sons when they engage in physical altercations with their daughters or any form of violence.
Fathers need to stop hitting their wives so children won't grow up thinking it's normal.
The police need to do their jobs and uphold the law. Battery and assault are crimes under the law and they shouldn't be swept under the rug because they occurred in a domestic setting.
That being said , marriage is not a do or die affair. No woman deserves to be beating black and blue. Please do not stay with a man who abuses you. You deserve better.
Lovely well composed and articulated. Chop kisses nicole. Every think begins with good parenting and upbringing most especially parents living an exemplary life to their children.
DeleteI agree
Delete*beaten black.
DeleteTnx Jasmeen
DeleteHusband and wife no need third party because they will use you settle. Is better when one party takes the bold step then your work is to advice but don't ever cross the boundary.
ReplyDeleteStella, okwu di na nwunye esika
Domestic violence is not a matter of husband and wife but a matter of life and death.
DeleteTrue life story of Willie the drunk: A must read for every youth
Hahaha. I remembered the one i interfered last two years emechazie ha werem were doziri. I now became the bad person. Abeg i no dey interfer again. If a woman cant run away let her stay there and get killed.
ReplyDelete"If he hits me once I would leave"...While I understand the sentiment that isn't always the best decision. My boyfriend and I had an argument once, I said something rude about his family he slapped me and pushed me on the bed. He apologised, I forgave him and we have been together 5yrs now as man and wife without any episode of domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteWhat if u hit your head on the bed and sustained serious head injury that left you deformed, would u be telling us this sweet story? There is no excuse for a man to hit a woman.
Delete@romzy.... but need dey for a woman to bad mouth a man abi? Swear say you've never been beaten by useless boy before. Come sdk blog dey form women activist. Agbaya.
Delete@anonymous : for the fact you ve been beaten doesn't mean every girl had.
DeleteI tried it once and I still regret it till date. I felt like a fool, the woman who was almost killed, warned me not to interfere in her marriage issues even though as she spoke to me, she had a painful mark on her face and swollen lips.
ReplyDeleteThey are still together, charading and suffering especially the woman. God help her.
All i do now is simple, I buy some chunky size of weed and give to boys in my area and ask them to "touch up" the guy. But I only do this, when the woman is close to me.
Don't blame me, I am bipolar.
Love your sign out... Don't blame me, I'm bipolar
DeleteHmmm. Very true. It's good to help save them from abusive spouses even if they don't want to be saved. Though, I've never had anyone in such a situation.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbour once told someone that we keep encouraging her to leave her husband/partner/babydaddy/boyfriend as if we will open our home to her for her to live with us. So I confronted her and told her she isn't welcome in my house but the next time they fight, am going to call the police and they will open their cell to recieve them. Ds guy beats her blue black every time. He has stabbed her with bottle before, throw her and her sister and 7month baby out of the house around 2am. She is the breadwinner o. The whole world have intervene even the hubby said he wants her to leave. Abeg stella, me no get where to run to if either of them kill the other. My kids are young and hubby works tiredlessly for him not to have peace when he is back home.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbour is a pastor at christ embassy church and also a lawyer and yet he beats his wife silly. She leaves for some months and come backs after much begging. Neighbours have warned,called the police but she still goes back. How u wan help this kin neighbour????
ReplyDeleteAn old school friend, I interfered, now we are enemies, according to her....I am jealous that her hubby is rich, if not, why would I advice her to leave the houses, cars, trips abroad behind JUST cos he beats her which almost every Nigeria man does.
ReplyDeleteWell, I zipped it and zapped! She got a broken rib last year, I pray she doesn't get a broken skull soon. I still say a prayer everother day for her safety tho. I wonder why I would want to live with a lion even if he is Bill Gates...women no dey hear word.
The only one I know is the man is already late.
ReplyDeleteGodforbid Reporting Rubbish,,,,,,,,, 99% of the victims later become your enemy so minding my business is my new Rule. If you die its ur family 's headache.
ReplyDeleteAm sorry to say that after talking to my friend to leave that relationship if she goes back she is on her own.
ReplyDeleteI have been in the situation that i was tagged a jelous friend who wanted the guy to myself when i told my friend to leave him. Also in the process of seperating a fight with my friend and her bf i got injurded seriously. Just after one week of that insident my friend went back to the guy, while i was still in pain. I have tried reporting her but she denied everything i said.
As for me, anything that happens to her i would say she asked for it.
Hahahahhhahah..sorry for ur pain o jare
DeleteThanks alot dear. She is no more my friend. I dont want to see rubbish.
Delete* incident
Deletei tried telling my hair stylist that my husband friend is dating that each time he comes around he always complains about how she do spend everynight at his place wiyhout any break that he is say tired na so i carry am go tell am oooo dey advice am to maybe reduce,for where she go use me quarell with the guy ooooo the guy come deny am now she is living with him.nowadays if i dey go her shop i dey go with my ear phone to block out her complains
ReplyDeleteMust you do your hair in her shop??? Amebo phase one. face ya work
DeleteOne real issue is when you say LEAVE... some times these women do not have where to go ie family to accommodate them.
ReplyDeleteMy hair dresser is in this fix. She sleeps in her shop with her 15year old son whenever her husband starts practicing his Jet li skills on her. She is an only child and her father is in the village, no relatives in Lagos.
Some will not leave till they are dead.
Very soon,that boy will beat up the father.
Delete@anon 1335,different strikes for diffent folks. I delibratetey avoid doing something I will later regret and start to apologise later. It makes me lioj like a fool. I chose my words the avoid having to have to withdraw it. I'm not a saint so I apologise for innocent mistakes. So I don't see how rude a comment about my family will make me slap my own when I know what to do and all your body turns to apology. If I slap their must be some one that would say that's not enough now and I would look stupid but I do what I'm good at doing, no sympathy will come to you from any where
ReplyDelete@ SDK first son, yes it's no third party viz for as long there is no death. Tell me if your neighbor kills his wife and flees or hide the copse would you remain in your house when police comes. So dear, if the violence is real a group of you can report to police or make anon call to police especially when the violence is in session maka ahu GI na ahu nwaboshi.
If he hits you once leave... I agree. what about when she hits you more than once? Shebi Bvs almost finished Daddy Fresh abi what's that uncle agbaya's name over this same issue. DV affects both men and women, and should never be tolerated. Dead men don't have rights.
ReplyDeleteThere is also some important though neglected aspect of this menace. Over 95% of women I spoke to always say that bi matter what a woman does no hand should be raised on her. Women take it that they have a licence to do whatever and you are only a man if you swallow whatever. Now the decision to swallow whatever still lies with the man and you can't control that. As I live in the practical world, I have seen some women drive their husband over the edge and so turn them into monsters. Is violence the best, no. Are there other creative ways, yes. Can you and I control or decide who sees it this way. No. Who are more of the victim, women. Why instigated( where is wasn't) of exacerbate( where is exists). You can choose your path but trust me o one can change anyone but him/herself, so save your selves women from 'bad' men. An uncle used to constantly beat his wife when we were growing up. What ever was the problem we didn't know but we always saw the woman either struggling the door with her susband or hiking in tenaciously onto him and be shouting I ga egbum taa, I gbughim amaram na I bughi nwoke and the man would be pounding and injuring her. When the man decide to end it he had a daughter and called he nwanyi welata onu...woman bridle your tongue. Later he had a son and called him nwoko nyima ahu...man have restraint. It worked like magic. So with names nyima ahu and welata onu always being called regularly for one errand or the other, things fell into place till both transited. What do I mean , as you advice and plead with men so should you plead and advice women but primarily identify it early and flee
ReplyDeleteNot my biz...
ReplyDeleteHmmmm okwu a gwuru ike,e nweghi ndi ogu na mgba bi debere m oo.O nweghi onye m ma
ReplyDeleteHmmmm my younger sister doesn't talk to Me anymore because i told her to leave her monster of a husband that always panel beat her. .and to think that this man is the head of their charismatic group amaze me.
ReplyDeleteI even told the hubby that i will deal with him whenever i visit home. I heard she is pregnant now for the third time and still jobless.
The husband is going around town, telling everyone that i am the problem in their family.
Well i have learnt my lesson, husband and wife matter .. I will never interfer.
Say no to domestic violence
ReplyDeleteDis reminds me of some yrs back wen my dad went to rescue my nebos wife frm d beating her husband was feeding her dat morning...in d process of tryin to carry d husband of the woman out of d room, he sliped and fell wit the man on top of him. He almost broke his waist dat day..after dat day ehh...anytime d are havin one of dia episodes he will gegely sit down at home. A marriage with domestic violence is no marriage at all
ReplyDeleteHahaha.
DeleteDaddy gi bu nwoke obioma
I suspect my neighbour hits his wife (because my house help heard her crying and shouting you will kill me today one time when I was at work) but I will NEVER EVER put my mouth even if I see it happening with my korokoro eyes. I can tell her sorry later sha. I can't even advice her to leave.
ReplyDeleteDV is really a matter of life and death, that was how my dept secretary during service year told me her husband always beats her up esp during pregnancy, and even makes up stories about the kids not being his. I begged her to save herself, finally she told me about she left him, I was so happy n ready to assist financially only to get the shocker that she went back because she was pregnant for baby no 5. I was so pissed and blocked her out. This lady went through he'll to fend for herself and family.
ReplyDeleteA leopard does not change his skin, the ungrateful mofon of a husband then decided to add more emotional abuse to the previously existing physical and emotional abuses by flaunting a new girl.
I did not even bother telling her to leave this time, she called recently to day she had left him. I pray the sense she received this time remains permanent. It's really a matter of life and death, I sincerely hope that victims of DV be brave enough to save themselves
Folks I know it is hard to intervene, and some of you have been met with negative outcomes for the good you tried to do, but for the sake of the innocent children I beg you to not stop doing what is right. Just remember the innocent children who deserve someone to speak up and be a voice for them when they have no voice in that turbulent home. If the woman cannot do it for herself, then remind her of the damage growing up in such a home is doing to the innocent children, then she may get sense. There are NGOS in various parts of the county who will assist these ladies, if even to give them a number to call so they can talk to someone and get a reason to leave. Don't ever stop doing what is right! You may not get any reward for it, but your children will live to reap the seeds of goodness your sowed in your life by helping someone else.
ReplyDeleteGod I think it's psychological. These victims want to help themselves but they dnt know how
ReplyDelete