Sunday In House Gists.

Find Saturday In House gists HERE

You all said the only two gists of yesterday were dry...Well i kinda disagree.It may have lacked what made you laugh but every Joke tell s a story,if you miss the Joke do not miss the moral.

GIST THREE.

THE WRITER AND THE COPIER

Hello fellow blog visitors and my darling Stella.. Hope y'all are having a great Sunday? The gist........          

  I attended a boarding School and had this seat mate in my SS1 who was not so good academic wise but she usually bought snacks for me during break period so as to copy my assignment or test. I collected because as at then, i was not aware of the danger of malpractice. This continued till during our ist term examination. On that particular day, this seat mate of mine was not prepared for our English exam. We were asked to write an informal letter to our brother at home telling him about our school and the benefit of been in the school. I started writing and as usual my seat mate started copying. I told her to change her words and she said ok. We finished that examination and smiled over it. I asked her how the exams was and she said "very simple". We were happy.              

Two days later, our English teacher summoned the two of us to the office, we got there and she asked us to wait for her other colleagues to come back from their lunch break... Deep within me i knew we were in for big trouble but my seat mate kept smiling thinking we won a prize. When my teacher's colleague arrived, one of them broke the silence by knocking us on the head. That knock sent me to the ground. We were asked to kneel down and my English teacher brought out our scripts and showed it to us. She asked us,which of you is the writer and the copier? 

I could not answer because I did not understand what she meant by that. We got another round of knock by that same teacher(we nicknamed him D'rock, because his hands was strong as rock). My teacher now gave us the scripts to look at "lo and behold", every word i wrote in that examination was same thing my seat mate wrote. In fact, she did not change my name. I wrote a letter to my brother Muhammad , telling him about my school, she also copied the same thing. The surprising thing of all is that towards the end, i wrote "Yours sincerely Halima (my first name)"  she copied the exact name. At that point, it was late to deny because our teachers already teamed up and were reigning abuses on us. 

I wouldn't forget one that said we were training to become future arm robbers in Nigeria (lol). We were flogged and punished. I begged my teacher saying i was the writer while my seat mate was the copier. They threatened to call our parents and report us and after much begging and crying for Africa, We were forgiven. Immediately we left the office, i headed straight to my class teacher's place and pleaded with him to change my seat for good. Our seats were changed and my new seat mate was nothing compared to the former one while my former seat mate was given the first seat in the class were she could not copy from anyone. Towards the beginning of SS2,she never came back to my school. From then on , i learnt my lessons and became conscious of exam malpractice.

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GIST FOUR

AMEBO ESTATE.

I lived with a four year old girl that was very inquisitive. Her mother who was my elder sister sent her to me because I had delay taking in. The belief is that Kids are angels and can attract other kids. Hence I accepted to take her. 

Immediately she entered my house, I know say I don buy wahala. This girl can ask question like kilode.
"Aunty sebi the mother of hen is goat?Aunty am I a girl or boy?When you answer, she will still ask, you nko?What of uncle(my hubby).

Luckily, I took in not too long she came. As my tummy was protruding, her question multiplied."Auntie why is your tummy so big? I will reply:I am pregnant. "Is Uncle pregnant too? No. "Why is his tummy big then"? 

Go and ask him.

She went to school the day I went into labour and was rushed to the hospital so we didn't see till I returned with my baby the following
evening. Come see questions. "Aunty is the baby yours?Yes. 

Where did you get him from?". Hospital. "Who gave you"?. Doctor. "Did you pay him"?. Yes. "How much?". Plenty money. I was so weak that I was answering her without story so that she will give me a break.

The next morning being Saturday, my neighbour came with her friend to see me. They were with my niece and baby in the parlour when I entered the room to get biscuits and baby powder for them.

On coming back, my visitors were exchanging glances. 

My neighbour said:"Hmnnnn! Iyawo, this one you and your hubby are dark and your baby is so fair, how come"?. I told her that he probably took after his granny. They later left. Two days after, the woman that grinds pepper in a nearby stall visited and told me the rumour going round. 

How I faked my pregnancy and went and bought a boy from the hospital. She said it was my niece that told my neighbour the day she came with her friend to my house. Shocked, I asked my niece and she said :"yes Aunty, sebi that was what you told me or have you forgotten"?. With tears in my eyes, I explained to the woman what happened and even breastfed my boy in her presence. I offered to take her to my room and undress so that she can see my pregnancy marks but she declined.

The same woman went out telling people that it's true, that she was in my house and my niece repeated it in my presence and all I did was to shed crocodile tears.
Before we knew it, the news circulated. We sent my niece back to her mum and continued to live with the accusation while treasuring our bundle of joy. 

Eventually, our rent expired and my hubby didn't renew it. We secured an apartment in another area and said goodbye to AMEBO International Estate.
 

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GIST FIVE

EMBARRASSMENT A LA CARTE

Let me just go straight to the point.

 It was a boring day.I scrolled down my phone contacts and could not get anyone to come take me out.Then I got a call from my friend and she said she wanted to go to the hospital for check up and me being bored and on a mission to find new magas that would give me cash agreed to accompany her.

Her father is a Chevron staff and it was Chevron medical centre we were going to,they also had a club which included a swimming pool.Immediately I dropped her call,I quickly grabbed my 2 piece pink bikini: a bra and very tight shorts.

She came to pick me up from my house and we were off to N.P.A expressway where the medical centre was located.We got to the place, me,my big ass,boobs and not so fine face got down from the car.She went to sign in to the hospital,when she was done we strolled down to the pool area where she checked me in and she went back to the medical centre.

I went to the changing area,changed in to my bikini, I stood in front of the mirror checking my self out and I was pleased.I went to the crowded pool and dipped myself in the water and so many eyes were on my boobs and my arse,hmmm...my inner goddess sure was pleased.I was just walking up and about and even went to the restaurant which is a little far from the pool with my skimpy bikini and went back into the water.About 3hrs later,my friend came there to tell me she was ready to leave.I came out of the pool,she then asked me 'Oke you nor plait hair come here '? I was surprise by her question,it was when I touched my head that I realised my wig had come off, leaving the small puff puff hair I made.I was still trying to get myself when one boy in the pool shouted "abeg who get this attachment" every one in and outside the pool turned to look at me. Mehn!

I just wished the ground could open to swallow me.He threw the wig to me and I thanked him.My friend and I proceeded to the changing room,that was when my friend said 'this your knicker tear o,I looked at it in the mirror and I just felt like fainting, the hole was so big and part of my very black arse was on display.I just comforted myself with the thought that no one in the pool noticed it .

After I was done drying my wig,I put it on and went out of the changing room.As my friend and I was making an exit from the pool area,that was when the same boy who gave me my wig shouted again and this time he said "person go dey want talk to una yet una go dey make yanga,you nor even fine sef,na only yansh and breast you just get.I be one tell you say your knicker tear before,say your yansh dey show"

 I almost fainted if not for my friend that supported me.We tried walking as fast as our feet could take us to avoid further embarrassment. Same dude now proceeded to say " the yansh black anyhow sef" everyone in the pool went into laughter.I just walked out.My friend and I got into the car and she drove off. MOST EMBARASSING DAY OF MY LIFE.

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GIST SIX

SELFIE WAHALA

   I moved to a new area in school, the environment nor fine reach for me to take picture for my mind plus i usually dont find anyone to snap me. So Some weeks back I decided to buy a selfie stick to use anywhere and anytime.

As my pepper rest, I go online order selfie stick. As the thing arrive, body dey catch me to use am. Next day I arrange myself well enter school. After class Na so rain start to fall I nearly cry, I nor fit use the selfie stick to my  satisfaction.  After rain stop I dey go house, 1 voice come tell me to use my selfie stick for center of road (dual carriage), I come do all the connection and things as I extend the rod look into the camera Na 1 sister (craze woman) dey my back she sef hold normal stick (wood) dey smile. My heart beat 2 times, as I cross road she sef cross. I start to waka quick....i nor know how e happen be like she lose concentration but I just see myself dey run enter 1 mechanic caravan. She come waka reach there use hausa tell them say she dey find her friend. Say them 2 ( me and her) dey use stick play before before. Them come deceive her say I Don waka go the other side.na so God save my life. Till today if I pass the mechanic dem go hail "student your friend dey find you come oh"

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GIST SEVEN

PRIVATE PART

Let me use my boring gist to put smiles on some frowned face. Back then in school I was just a guy in the background and wanted to be not until something happened.

I wasn't paying attention in class abi I was sleeping sef. Our Home Economics teacher  abi na Biology I done forget was teaching on parts of the body. 

My mind was not even with them sef so the surprise question popped up, you know if they ask you question in class even if you were not concentrating you go wan form answer. Na so Mrs Graba wan fall my hand oh , she come ask "WHERE IS HAIR MOSTLY FOUND IN YOUR BODY"?

 my head was so blank na so I come answer " PRIVATE PART". See laff and insult way follow immediately ehh, I wan enter ground. Na so all my class mates and other students come they call me "PP". I come be celebrity oh but shame no gree me for school till I finished. Hope I try. Have a fun filled Sunday.

Thanks for posting.

Regards,

PP

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GIST EIGHT

THE SHIT STORY.

This happened to me yesterday- my shit story.
So a friend of mine was travelling, and two of us agreed to see her off to the train station.

When we got there, we learnt they had rescheduled by 2 hours. We couldn't go back na, so we decided to chill. I was sitting jeje and reading SDKB and as Stella refused to post comments (side eyes at Stella), I was reading previous posts and laughing when my stomach started hurting. 

I ignored it because I had gone to toilet that morning so I felt it was nothing serious. The pain started increasing and doing like I should go to toilet but I stubbornly told my belly no, that I am not going nowhere, it can hurt all it likes.

Omo, the pain increased oo. The urge to shit increased too, in a geometric not arithmetic progression so tey I could feel it at the tip of my buttocks. And I didn't know the train station well, so I was walking and asking and looking around for toilet sign. Mehn I was desperate and as I was walking, I could feel it coming out. I was praying to God to please help me. 

Imagine fine girl, with my fine clothes and my shakara, and suddenly I shit on my body. you needed to see my face, sweating even though the weather was cool. I asked and asked ehn, at a stage the shame and shakara in me left and when I saw the toilet from afar, I ran and didn't even look anybody's face. Na so I release am oh.

As I walked out, I heaved a sigh of relief!

Funny thing is, the toilet was not far away it was right in front of me, but the urge to shit had blinded me so I went round the place looking for it.

Now, the story is not over. After I came out, I felt empty and decide to get a snack. About 5 minutes after eating, I felt that pain and urge again. Na so I cat walked back ooo, and did round 2.
Mehn shit is no respecter of person oooo. I just thank God that I wasn't disgraced!! The devil had plans, but God win!

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GIST NINE

NEPA STRUCK

This happened when i was fifteen and went for holidays after my junior waec.

My uncle that i went to his house is a rev fr. He was sharing the flat

with another rev, so my uncles video player and tv was in his own

bedroom. 

I borrowed  a video tape from his neighbours son who was my

age mate, it was a blue film that i borrowed. While i was watching it,

nepa struck. I waited for light to come back and slept off. Before you

know it night don reach and we slept. Then only few people owned

generators and we were'nt part of the few.

 Next morning while washing the car, the light just came, and i had forgotten the cassette was still in the video. I dont know what happened but i just saw my fat uncle running towards me like a pig and pounced on me. Omo the beating

na die. I was bundled home that same day and was made to explain to my

parents why i was deported. Na so holidays take end ...

I now use the remaining part of the Holiday go learn mechanic!

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GIST TEN

THE FISHER

Some years back i went to a youth camp with my church people, the intention was mainly for us to get closer to God and be more spirutually updated but on setting foot on the camp ground my mission immediately broke into three when i saw this beautiful yellow lady far ahead, she wore a smile like that of angel Gabriel while he was welcoming Abraham to heaven. since den i had it in mind that i wont only be fisher of men in this camping program but also fisher of the pretty girl i saw.

I knew that day that God would have just shook is head in heaven and say something like ( ehn ehnn thats your plan abi,  i will show you shege)

This very morning after devotion i needed to ease myself,  didnt wanna use da toilet provided so i went into the nearest bush i could see. I have not even used up to 10secs when i suddenly jumped up and started running towards civilization due to severe itching. I had no idea how a Devil bean look like ( werepe as yoruba pple will call it) and i had Unfortunately came in contact with it.

I Never told nobody i was coming from the bush so nobody could have guessed it was a Devil bean attack, before i know watz up some pastors and prayer warriors don sharperly conclude say e fit be spiritual attack say maybe na evil spirit posses me,  dem con put me for center started serious prayer dey speak in tongues, to my greatest surprise d fine girl i saw the day before was among the prayer warriors, as i just see her like this for my mind i say haaa! Fuck up! How i wan take scope this babe again now after she don reason say am one possesed wizard.

30mins into the prayer session and i still dey floor dey roll for ground like earthworm wey dem put salt on top, pastors and prayer warriors are already sweating pruviously. After a while dey stopped the prayers so one of the pastors asked me,  brother john can u please tell us what happened exactly,  at that point nothing like shame again, i start to dey confess like witch for church say na shit i go shit for bush wey i encounter am. They asked that i describe the place and i did, two of d pastors went away and came back 3mins after with a smile on dere faces. On getting to where we were naso dem burst into laugh say dem don see wetin cause the problem say no be any evil spirit oo say na devil bean i go jam naso all of them just burst laugh althogether con run put palm oil for all my body before taking me to clinic.

On getting outside if una see crowd wey don gather for outside,  everybody wan see the face of the possesed nigga, naso i just comot with palm oil for body like idol wey dem dey worship, pple con dey say Eyah!!  sorry ooo!! For my mind i just say chai!! God don finally finish me, through out the program i no even bother catch either man,  woman or insect,  i no even dey follow anybody talk.