If Nobody loves you,love yourself!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
REBUILDING ONES SELF CONFIDENCE
Dear Stella, i just want to find out from bvs, how can a lady restore her self confidence, or how can a lady build her self confidence? Am married with three kids, am a teacher, i used to be pretty, ( i had facial palsy that am yet to really recover from). i have a health condition (sickle-cell), i limp very bad when i walk as a result of the condition. my marriage has not been smooth,( story for another time). i just realized that i don't have self confidence. most times, i feel outa of place. Iam a christian though, and i trust God for healing and remembering me.
My husband doesn't help issues but then i realize we are all on our own in this world after all. please help me build my self confidence and maintain it. Bvs, please easy on the cusses and stella, your red pen is needed too. thanks for helping a soul.
Your mail brought tears to my eyes and i would like to sit back and read words of wisdom from other blog visitors..Please.
Just remember to love yourself cos thats all that matters,love yourself the way you are!
...........................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
WHEN TRIBAL DIFFERENCE THREATENS A RELATIONSHIP
Hello Stella,
I have been reading your blog for a while now though i have not started commenting, i must say i totally love your blog and all the hilarious comments.
I have been reading your blog for a while now though i have not started commenting, i must say i totally love your blog and all the hilarious comments.
Am 21 and am in my 3rd year in the university. I have a really pressing issue and i need some good advise from you and all awesome blog visitors. I'ld be as brief as possible so here goes;
I have been with this guy for almost a year(11months), he is a very nice guy, he loves me(practically worships me) and i love him very much. His mum and siblings are wonderful people and they love me like their own. My boyfriend is very committed and is ready to take our relationship to the next level.
The problem is we are from different tribes(he is yoruba and i am igbo). Though his family totally love and approve of me, am so scared to take him home because my own family would reject him. I have lived all my life here in yoruba land yet my parents dont want to hear anything yoruba.
Their tribalism is on another level.
I grew up hearing them say "never ever bring a yoruba man to this house".It's so bad that mum might even develop a stroke. Let me also add that my younger brother loves him, he is the only member of my family that knows this guy.
Now my boyfriend is becoming insecure and thinks i don't love him as much as he loves me. He is even toying with the idea that maybe i don't want to take him home purposely. Am so confused. Do i go with love and risk getting disowned or let my love go? I desperately need your advice because my "be patient" speech is gradually loosing its essence.
Please i need your advice. Igbo sisters married to yoruba men, please i could really use your opinion on this matter because my parents say yoruba men have degree in punishing women. I don't want to make a decision today and have cause to weep later please.
Hmmm this is a tough one.Please people whilst you advise avoid tribalist comments like her parents,we are looking for a solution not to complicate things.
Let me read comments.
chronicles on point..negodu
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Because marriage is what it is, you will always need your family. So find a way to them your family, your brother already knows, try your mom and then your dad. If after introducing the guy to them tactically and they still have a problem with it, stay with your family's decision. Family over everything! Husband never finish for market!
DeleteThis tribal issue tho...me sef I tire. The one my mum hates is Edo people. Shes been singing in my ears not to bring anyone from that tribe home. Left to me I don't havr a problem with any tribe tho....so I just tire -____-
DeleteDatCrazyCalabarChic
P2: Have u confided in him why u are still delaying in introducing him to ur parents? If u haven't, start from there. Possibly ur BF may whip up a solution as regarding d best way to approach ur parents.
DeleteI also want to add: I hope u know what u are doing? U are still too young!
P1: Pele dear. Self confidence, insecurity, they are all psychological; a thing of d mind. So u have to start by working on ur mind.
What does God say about u? U are beautifully and wonderfully made. Do u believe this? U have to make ur self believe it dearie. U keep saying it to urself.'I am created in His image. I am unique, different and beautiful' . It doesn't matter what u see or what is going on around u, believe it.
Don't look down on urself. Love urself and don't dare compare urself with anyone. Work hard in keeping fit and looking beautiful (this time ur outward appearance). Dress smart, eat right. Refuse that situation shld dictate to u what u will become instead take control of ur situation and make d best out of it.
Ignore what people say, pay attention to what God says. It's a conscious deliberate effort that u have to make, prayerfully. God will heal u as u prayerfully confess what u believe that He said about u, I promise u.
U had facial palsy, marriage is rough, hubby is making it worse...I know amidst of dez problems it won't be easy for u to stay focused and believe these things but its a choice u have to make, that God can make it all right.
Do u have someone close to u, who cares about u? Maybe a friend or sibling? Confide in that one about how u feel. U need to be encouraged by the people who love u. It wil also go a long way to show u that u are loved and u are not alone.
If u don't have, I am here.
Jesus loves u sweetie. He knows and He will make all things beautiful for u. Praying for u...*smile*
..mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com..
There's so much u need to know!
@poster two;most parents dont approve of marriage to some other tribes which isnt theirs due to "An occurence or Experience" which they might have undergone/had from A particular person from that said tribe...and most times you just dont blame them cos "in their opinion" ;they are only trying to protect you from having same experience they had in the past....
DeleteYou are igbo and i think you would understand an igbo proverb which says "otu aka ruta Nmanu;ozu o ndi nke ozo"...which literally means that when one finger touches oil;its spreads to the remaining four..which is just the platform your parents are still on..
Basically It isnt your fault that they dont like the yoruba's;so you have A choice here..
You either go for Love irrespective of your parents opinion or You respect your parents decision and stay with family..its all your choice!! FAMILY OR "YOUR MAN"...
Tribalistic issue has been in existence and will continue to be so long as Nigeria remains A Nation with various tribes..
Goodluck to you!!
@MARTINS ABOY
Poster 1 pls learn to love urself.it starts from u.no one, I repeat no one can make u feel inferior except u allow it..I have my complexes too but outwardly u see a fiercely confident woman.
DeletePoster 2 hmmm wia do I start from..im yoruba..married to a yoruba man..my first serious adult rship was wth an ibo guy..very nice guy but his parents never accepted me and neither did mine accept him too..aft wasting our time we decided to part ways...hes not married to an ibo woman now..am I happy in this current marriage..well not totally..the ibo guy na serious hustler..always feel he wud av taken care of me more..but the thing is this yoruba man loves me too and most importantly his family members adore me...u need ur spouses family kos my dear wen d chips r down, and there will be times trust me, u need ur in laws on ur side...pls look for an ibo man to marry...all d best..
Hi poster 1: am gonna be talking to u based on experience. Am also a lady living with disability. Mine was from birth and I ve lived with it all my life. The funny thing is I never remember my disability except sometimes when I walk past a mirror. I never let it determine me. I grew up normally, schooled, had friends, had boyfriends(several sef, bcos), made my mostakes, worked, married, have kids. U kmow wat, u need to first of all accept ur self b4 pple do. If u meet me, the way I talk and play, u wont even remember I ve a disability. It was tough growing up, pple wanted me to be d sad girl in a corner watching everybody party. HELL NO. I did everything my mates were doing. I ve a very beautiful body shape, am 5' 8, nice face and dentition. Men were always attracted to me, I cant say if it was love or they felt they could take advantage of me, but they always met a surprise. Lol. Don't let ur hubby get to u. Dress good, make ur hair, nails, smell nice, socialise, laugh all d time. There is something sexy abt confidence. It just oozes out. Never accept pity. I never allowed people to pity me, bcos really nobody cares.The only people that meant anything to me were my God-sent siblings and parents. All man for himself.
DeleteI fought my way to d top. Its a tough world even for those without disability not to talk of us. That part of my body that is disabled is where I love d most, cos it has brought me countless favour.
And my dear, pls if u are not born again pls go find Christ. Only he truly cares. He will complete u that u wont even need ur hubby to be happy.
Am a beautiful lady, why would I limit myself because of a situation that I didn't cause.
Darling, I ve so much to say to u. But no time. Pls, love ur self. Look good. Smell good. Talk intelligently. Be nice. Above all, FIND CHRIST.
CHAO.
Poster 1 I feel like giving you a big hug now, please love yourself, nobody can love you like you. I know it's hard having a husband that brings you down but like you said, you're alone in this worl, learn how to makeup, do nice hairstyles that fit you and dress to suit your body, you can dress well even with lil money, I used to rock cheap okrika and you won't know.
DeletePoster 2, I married a yoruba man and I'm igbo too, I understand what your parents fear is considering also you guys live in the west and have seen the yoruba way of life, some of their men don't take care of their wives like igbo men do and most are lousy, trust me, hope he's educated and reasons well? Like I say, my yoruba hubby behaves like an igbo man, I don't work or do business but I have millions in my account cos my hubby pays me monthly and I don't contribute a dime in running the house, doesn't play with me or my son and my family too, my mum who previously had 2 igbo son inlaws before I married my yoruba hubby said he's the best inlaw she's had. So if you love him and he acts right, by all means go onto the next level with him
Honey, family is EVERYTHING. Let me bore you with my story,
DeleteI married a moslem despite my Dad's reservation, it took me 2yrs to convince him after which he grudgingly gave his consent, today, I'm divorced and living with the shame and consequence, thank God my family is the loving and considerate type, they welcomed me back with opened arms and support.
A man is a man, much as I don't pray your story ends like mine but you have to think of the "what if" situation. I learned the hard way, no man is worth it dear, ALL of them na fuck ups, you need your family at all times, they're the ONLY ones who will never forsake or abandon you. If they insist on you not marrying him, pls dust your shoes and walk.
FYI, I'm 100% Yoruba and I dated mine for 8yrs, trust me, NO MAN IS WORTH IT!
Apple of his eyes ur comment is just so good. I hope poster 1 listens to u cos u said it all. Anon 19.54 I dig ur comment too.
Delete"Most yoruba men are lousy" May God forgive you because you dont really know the meaning of that word.
DeleteTake it to God in prayer.
ReplyDelete********** LIVE SDK & SDKERS************
Poster 2.
DeleteI married a wonderful, gentle, humble, well cultured man. Most times I forget he is yoruba....he is even more light-skinned than I.
My mom was apprehensive when I told her I was bringing a yorubs man home but when he came visiting and immediately went flat on the ground to greet my mom(which even embarrassed her), my mom couldn't help liking him immediately. He has that effect on people.
Im from anambra where even marrying an Imo man is sometimes not accepted sef.
My story is this way cos I married a sane and responsible man....not because he is yoruba.
Dearest poster 1, being with people who have survived life threatening illnesses has made me view life from another angle. You have only one life. You survived a facial palsy? Give thanks to God! Never let the opinion of others validate your existence. Let me borrow these words of wisdom,"you are not what others think you are, you are what you think other people think you are.
DeleteLook into the mirror, stare hard at your image and declare you are beautiful. Do this as often as you can. And you are indeed beautiful! Your husband should be proud of the woman you are today. Some people have been sent to their graves through sickle cell. Some people are battling more severe ailments. In the end, it's you and God alone. What you think of yourself matters the most. You are an overcomer, conqueror, queen, blessing to your generation, stunner, survivor etc. Any other opinion is secondary. And if it doesn't sit well with you, darling please send it to the recycle bin.
Try singing, it distracts the mind and keeps you happy. Goodluck!
But I must add poster2, at 21 your priority should not be embarking on the unknown. At as when I married (27) I knew exactly what I wanted.
Delete@poster one, the reason for a drastic drop in your self esteem is that you judge yourself too much and you are not giving yourself a break.
DeleteThese tips might be of help.
-LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY.
Take some time out and spoil yourself silly. Facial Expressions such as laughing and smiling should constantly be in your face despite any form of troubles you may be passing through. Am suggesting that you fake it sometimes? YES! FAKE IT IF YOU CAN.
-MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF.
What this implies is that you shouldn't take yourself and life too seriously.
For example, I have idiopathic scoliosis (google it) but yet it doesn't stop me from doing many things, in fact before people even come up with the issue that I have scoliosis, and why I can't or why I shouldn't do certain things, I would have talked them into laughing about something about myself that would have normally not have been funny.
-DON'T TOLERATE PITY.
this is one of the major reason why most people will never recover from their hospital bed. PITY!! don't let people remind you of your problems by constantly pitying you or wanting to help you do everything. Learn how to help yourself first and stop complaining.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.
STOP IT! you don't necessarily need people's approval about how you look or feel about yourself. Show them you can handle your challenge by constantly seeking llittle or no approval from people. This would boost your self esteem especially at decision making.
-BE ASSERTIVE AND EXPRESS YOURSELF PROPERLY.
Be careful about the decision you make but yet again believe in yourself when you finally make one. Don't doubt yourself because it hurts! Talk about what you mean exactly when you are discussing with people and also mean everything and anything you say or at least make them think so.
LOOK INTO PEOPLE'S FACES DURING CONVERSATIONS.
This may be difficult at first but with time you would become very used to it. Look at people eye ball to eye ball till they are forced to look away. This will boost your self esteem but don't over do it otherwise it may seem disrespectful or weird especially when you are discussing with your superior.
Lastly, me kind to anything that breathes around you,from ants to human beings, forgive those who offend you by totally treating them as not guilty. This will help reshape your mind set about how you see or perceive yourself, you could learn how to play any musical instrument or do something you really have always wanted to do. Have you always wanted to learn how to drive despite your leg condition? What are you been waiting for?!! Enroll yourself in a driving lesson. Have you always wanted to develop a business? Then, start doing something....... Don't just sit down and worry do something and always remember this even if you forget every other thing THAT YOU DON'T NEED TOO MANY PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY.
I LOVE YOU BUT GOD LOVES YOU MORE.
GOD BLESS NIGERIA.
@ paragon7ven...don't I just love u...1zillion likes to ur comment
DeleteParagon7ven kudos to you. You have said it all. You should write a motivational book. :-D
DeleteWell said
DeleteWell said.
DeletePls y'all should stop saying that 21 is too young for marriage! It's maturity that counts. All she wants is to introduce her boyfriend to her parents. I see nothing wrong with dat. I know ladies that got married at 21 or even 20!
DeleteThere's this family that marrying young is there tradition. They encourage it. But not without finishing school and getting a job.
She just wants to introduce him. Not marry him. Marriage can come after school.
My baby cousin met her husband while in school, they met her dad after getting engaged and her dad told her to finish school first b4 marriage. They did exactly dat!
Young lady, talk tobacco your mum. Cry Infact! Sometimes saying thing u fear makes it happen.
My dad didn't like Ibos. 3 of us are married to Ibos! He didn't like Evan tribe. 2 of my siblings married from there. Man proposes, God disposes!
Poster 2 what do u know about marriage @ 21yrs? U are still at d dating and experimental age so enjoy it, don't delude ursef wit some love n marriage crap. Face ur studies n finish school. If u marry d yoruba person finish, by d time u are 25yrs u wil b wanting a divorce claiming u married really young,blah blah, with mbada chronicles, mtcheew! Umuaka wey no dey hear at all n wen ur eyes open u will b crying had I known. Rubbish!!! By d time u are 24- 27yrs n really knows wat u want, ur parents will not even object to wateva tribe d person comes from weda Edo, yoruba, hausa or Ghana.
Deleteposter 2pls if you are reading this go and ask police officers to advise,am serious they handle cases and they will let you know the tribes that have more break ups.
Deleteposter one watch good movies some healthy women dont have kids but u have, some men behave strangely in marriage so dont think its your looks that is the cause and most people have something they are not happy about.pls make your house clean,watch good movies,eat balanced diet,take vitamins,pray unceasingly and enjoy life.
Brb
ReplyDeleteNarrative number two, don't let tribe brings division btw u two. Try to convince ur parents on that and what matters is the love and not ur tribes
DeletePst1. Just look in d mirror nd tell yourself u re beautiful anytym u feel down. I wish u happiness. Pst2. Talk to your mother 1st nd make her see y u love ur bf b4 talking to ur fada. Byeee
DeletePoster 1, my only advice to you and I do hope you get to see this, go back and read about that dumb guy(its a disability) abi, who got married. His sense of humour is his selling point, he's got a great heart and he sees past his inability to talk or hear. Take his example. Love yourself, raise your head high, try to look good and never carry the world on your shoulders. If everyone comes here with their problems, you'd thank God. Kisses.
Deletechronicles on point..negodu
ReplyDelete#MBG In SDK's B
ReplyDeleteNa wa for chronicle
ReplyDeletePoster 1 the Lord is your strength and you'd overcome. Remember that Jesus loves you and you're his child let no one make you feel otherwise.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 are you marrying the person or his tribe? I love intertribal marriages especially when both people defy the differences and love themselves. What should matter to you us your happiness, once your family see that there is no stopping you unless you allow it.
Poster one:God has been faithful to u do u realise that?u got married and u were able to have not one or two but three babies! Look it's a miracle bcos most times sicklers r advised to hv just a child if dey can manage it cos pregnancy complicates their already delicate situation. Do u know dt not many of ur counterparts lived to celebrate their 18th birthday?do u know dt? Nnem u are fortunate,no scratch dt;ure blessed. Now everythn ure going thru(facial palsy n bone issues) is as a result of ur condition wch pregnancy and childbirth must hv exercebated and it's no fault of urs ok,ure a super woman and u shd be celebrated for being so strong. Just have d right attitude and a cheerful spirit,keep up with ur clinic visits (plus I'm sure ure undergoing facial physiotherapy),u have not just urself and parents/siblings to live for but most importantly u have to stay alive to take care of dose babies God has blessed u with.
DeleteAlways remember u are more than a conqueror and God dt has brought u thus far,blessed u and preserved ur life is faithful to see u thru all life's trials.
ReplyDelete*spreads dollar crested rug*
The Chronicles is here
Slim Shady is here to read comments
Lemme go bak n read d chronicles!
Brb
Lol. You don begin spread mat again?
DeleteMM is coming for you
Lmao
DeletePoster 1: you have to learn to love yourself my dear. I know it won't be easy but you have to think positive thoughts and also say positive things about your face. You are beautiful regardless the facial palsy. The Lord will help you.
DeleteBesides, have you gone for a medical consultation on facial palsy??it is actually treatable.
P1....Start by loving yourself and seeing yourself how Christ sees you. When you do that, you will find yourself embracing that limp as sexy. God bless you dear and do not look to your husband for validation.
ReplyDeleteP2...Your parents might not agree. Save this guy the headache and go seek out an Igbo brother. I know how stubborn some Igbo parents can be. Let's be realistic here, if you know they will oppose, allow this man go and find a girl from an open minded background. It is a shame that this is the case in 2015. It isn't your fault but it is the cards you have been dealt. Be realistic honey.
Best advise ever. Ur parents told u b4 time, u could av avoided all dis by not dating him den
DeleteA zillion likes for your comment, 15:04
DeletePoster 1: it is well with you, it isn't ur fault that u r sickle cell nor is it your fault that you limp.
ReplyDeleteSelf confidence 101: Take note of ur appearance, inshort obsess over your appearance.Make sure your nails are always neat, your dressing decent n still appealing, u smell nice, ur hair is beautiful, ur overall appearance breathe taking.
Remind urself u r a beautiful woman and it is not ur fault finding urself in this position.
Tell yourself u r attractive even if ur kpevuge husband doesn't help matters.All this u are doing and more are not for HIM but for U.Hold ur head up high and stand tall.Put these into practise for U and see u become a happier girl.
Brb
ReplyDeleteNarrative number two, don't let tribe brings division btw u two. Try to convince ur parents on that and what matters is the love and not ur tribes
ReplyDeleteJesus fix it.
ReplyDelete@2, u are just 21 and I would advice to forget about that guy since ur parents will not accept him, ask urself this question, will he turn his back on his family if d reverse was the case, forget this relationship and don't date a Yoruba guy again, take this advice for ur own good.
ReplyDelete@1, sorry dear, if u ve money dress well and go out with friends,don't allow ur condition to weigh u down.
Poster 1- love yourself. There's something unique about u but u haven't realized it yet. Find out what it is and you're on ur way to self confidence. And never let anyone make u feel like you're not special coz you are.
ReplyDeletePoster 2; its sad what's happening to u and I'll advise you to take the risk. Introduce him to ur family. Its ur happiness that's at stake here. What's the guarantee that if u marry an Igbo man he'll treat you as good as ur current bf? When ur parents see that you're happy and cannot be swayed, they'll let u be. Pray about it.God be with you.
Poster one- One of the ways to build your self confidence is to love yourself and believe you are the best.. Never look down on yourself and also try to improve your career.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- I don't really know what to tell you cod am not Igbo but what you should realise is that it's you life not your parent's. You know what is good for you then go for it.. A man might be Igbo and he will make you life miserable.. It's your life take control of it.
I will just read comments
ReplyDeleteHappiness starts with you.
ReplyDeleteNot with your relationship, your job or your friends, but with YOU.
Make yourself a priority. It's necessary.
Treat yourself nicely. Remember there is only YOU in the whole world. Rock you!
Poster 2- I am not yoruba but all the yoruba dudes I've met are awesome.
I always get mad when parents wanna restrict their children to their tribe alone.
There is no guarantee that marrying an ibo man will give you marital bliss. It's not about tribe. It's about who the man is. His values, his upbringing, his belief and how disciplined he is.
Never marry based on tribe. Marry based on the the positive xter traits of your fiance.
Well said Bloggie.
DeleteExactly.
DeleteTrue
DeleteI'm igbo...and somehow, I've never dated an igbo guy...maybe because the few I have as friends always say when they do get married, it would be for d purpose of procreation and not love...
ReplyDeleteI don't really care about tribe..ur person is all that matters...My mom does..but I pray if it comes to that, that my happiness should overcome every reservations she has about other tribes.....well, other tribes apart from d Edos....and Hausa (only cos I like christianity so much....and circumcised males)
Who are you calling uncircumcised?
DeletePoster 1,
ReplyDeleteI have seen people that their condition is worst than yours living the life!...
Buys new things for your self!...
Go to parties!...enjoy this life oh...
Hmmmm....
Poster 2,
What are you rushing for?..,focus on your education biko...
Listen to your parents..,they have a reason for not wanting you to marry a Yoruba man...
Linda...dont always rush whilst typing cos of tmch gbagun!!!! *buy* n nt *buys*
DeleteBia LE, what do you mean what is she rushing for? The earlier the better biko.
DeleteAbi until she reach 28 before she starts looking for husband? And then desperation sets in just like that chat lady? Lmaooooo.
Mehnn..that chat just be making me laugh anyhow since I read it. I go just remember am, burst laugh. E come be like craze don start
Buahahahahhahahahaahahaha
Bia poster, you are not too young to start oh! Or are you not 21? Just pray not to make a wrong choice.
I pray God favours you, marry early, bore your kids and enjoy marital bliss. In a few years, your kids and you be looking like siblings. #lovelysighttobehold
All the best!
Bloggie abi?...
DeleteWell it's good to marry early but this poster should focus on her career first since she wants a Yoruba man cos they like career and industrious women that earns mega cash!...
Dietitian,it's from my phone...
DeleteAuto correct!...
Off to bed jare...busy weekend for me..
linda God bless u, their women hustle pass anything, yoruba women will even tell u that your husband is for everybody, that you can only lay claim to your kids not your husband because it is hard for u to see a yoruba man who doesnt have kids by several women, many of their wives find out after the man is dead.
DeleteI want to read comments today.
ReplyDeleteMy dear love is all that matters
ReplyDeleteTrust me, marriage ice is not enough. You need a good support system.
DeleteMy dear love is all that matters, your mum will shout but she will get used to your decision
ReplyDeletePoster2, first and foremost, tell Ur mum about ds guy who is very crazy bout U and mkes life beautiful 4U. Remember, telling her lovely things bout him wud mke her like him... Do not tell her immediately dat he is a Yoruba guy...
ReplyDeleteMothers av softer minds dan fathers. Wen U'r able to convince her bout ds guy, U'd go ahead to tel her bout his tribe, and dat is only wen she asks U...
I'm very sure she'd consider... Even if She rebukes ya at first, she might consider later. By den, she'd b able to convince Ur dad too.
#Goodluck dear.
Poster 1, e-hugs from me to you. Always remember this - even if nobody loves you, God does ok? And to me, that's the best form of love you can always receive; unconditional, flawless and faultless.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, will read comments from Igbo women married to Yoruba men. Always remember there is good and bad in every tribe. No one tribe is 100% good and neither would you find a tribe that is 100% bad.
Stella dear, you can also help by not enabling comments that will only complicate this girl's issue.
Holy Spirit please deafen my ears to societal pressure and naturally drown my desire to want to get married in Jesus name.
ReplyDeleteLet me not remember or desire to get married ever again. And if it is the wish of the Lord, let only Him, reverse that desire with a man who is His true son,(Amen).
Amen and amen!!
DeletePoster 1, e-hugs from me to you. Always remember this - even if nobody loves you, God does ok? And to me, that's the best form of love you can always receive; unconditional, flawless and faultless.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, will read comments from Igbo women married to Yoruba men. Always remember there is good and bad in every tribe. No one tribe is 100% good and neither would you find a tribe that is 100% bad.
Stella dear, you can also help by not enabling comments that will only complicate this girl's issue.
Poster mumu 2, if you like go and marry him, anuofia! I swear women are super stupid and because I am a woman I used to think otherwise. Please can you state a good reason why you agreed to date a Yoruba guy after all your parents warnings??? Besides you're like 21, why the hell are you talking or even thinking of marriage, Mistchewwww! Girls and their fish brain. Marry him nah and suffer. All those his family likes me is nonsense and pure eye service. Go inside, then your eyes will open. Igbo girl wey no get sense! And before I go, THERE'S NO MAN WORTH RISKING THE BACKING, ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE OF YOUR FAMILY FOR, NO MAN! When shit hits the fan and your family is no where, you would understand what I'm talking about! You berra leave ndi yorubas and date your tribes men.
ReplyDelete@15:15,preach!!!
DeleteTake this reply because that's all you want. KMT
DeleteLol anonymous taking it personal. Hahahaha. Easg eh. Bt i feel u sha. For me if she can cope in a yoruba environment/surrounding then she cn go ahead. And by surrounding i mean his friends ans people he surrounds him self with if they are yoruba. Not to be tribalistic but it has neva worked out for me and a yoruba man or girl as in just in friendship level. Thats y i neva considerered dating them. Their level of thinking is diff from mine. They love to party, hang out, visit, dress in designers with their last card and live fake life and they have this razzness in them that is natural above all they are loud. Now i noticed the diff bw a yoruba and igbo man is dt a yoruba man at 35 doesnt think of future plan in terms of money and other wise bt an igbo man at 25 starts saving for his future. Thats y women feel secure marrying an igbo man that a yoruba man. Cos ladys dnt want to carry the responsibilty of the family alone. Cos trust me a yoruba man is sendless. Secondly i have compared the wife of a yoruba vs that of an igbo man. And i can say dere is a clear diff. The money of the igbo man shows on the wife while the money of the yoruba wife showe on the husband. Bt nt withstanding its still ur choice to make. So use ur tongue to count ur teeth. Just to add they r very very dirty people ooops did i say dt. Am sorry.
DeleteWhat's with the hostility? Pass your message across with love if you must do so. Stop writing like this. These are human beings with real problems. Sharing it on a blog gives you no right to insult them.
Deletecorrect words of wisdom anonymous.... btw am youruba!
Deleteanonymous you are sooo correct, btw am Youruba!
DeleteExactly. Why date him if u know ur parents won't agree?
DeleteWhat's with the insult anoy 15:15.
DeletePreach it 15:15! Face your study biko!
DeletePoster one:
ReplyDeletee-hugs dear.
I can only imagine how you must feel, with all those.
I can't understand.
But I know that we are what we think.
It's all in the head and mindset.
I'm sorry about your palsy and all, but that doesn't define you as a woman.
You should know that you're beautifully made by an awesome God, and nobody has the right to make you think otherwise.
Look for motivational and inspirational books.
They help too.
Look into the mirror each morning, before stepping out and remind yourself that you are beautiful.
That you're the daughter of a king.
That you're unique and there's no one better than you.
Look at your children and don't forget that they love you unconditionally.
Keep your head high and walk tall, limp or not.
The famous Pastor Nick Vujuic was born without limbs, but today, he's an inspiration to many.
That's what confidence does to one.
It makes them become inspiration to many.
You're beautiful.
You're loved.
You're a queen.
God bless you.
Poster two:
There's no easy way around your predicament.
Just take the plunge.
Tell your parents and allow them to absorb the news.
They'll go ballistic, granted, but give them time and space to come around.
They'll either do so or they won't.
If they don't, you either keep trying to let them budge, or you get married without their blessings, which is not advisable and can have regrettable consequences.
Don't get pregnant to force their hands either.
It may not end well in the long run.
Goodluck.
#WhiteDiamondOut
I sure need this too, I'm currently dating someone of Igbo tribe and nobody in my family knows him yet although it's looking quite serious. I'm trending carefully before I take the next steps.
ReplyDeletePoster 1,the Lord is ur strength.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, if ur parental are the responsible type. Listen to them.They could be right. There are thousands of men from other language that can marry you.
Womanizers should marry fellow wayward people. And responsible people should marry responsible people.
Problem always arise in marriage when a responsible person marry an irresponsible one.
I ve seen a girl disobey her parents like dis only to come back years latter crying due to domestic violence and philandering husband.
i like you and this comment money maker!
Deletei am not tribalistic though
MM u r too tribalistic and only u know why.
DeleteKrix via iPhone 6 gold
(Oji motor Eme ogo 1 na igbo land)
Poster 1 God ll see ur thru my sister,He ll wipe away ur tears n re-build ur self confidence,poster 2,take him to ur parents,try in ur own ways to explain to ur parents d qualities u saw in ur man,it's better to take him to them than sit down and assume things urself,who knows d charisma in him might change d minds of ur parents,do not give d guy d impression that u r d one developing cold feet about d relationship when u r innocent,so try this first let's see ur parent's reactions.Gudluck.
ReplyDeleteLearning to love yourself.... It is the greatest love of all......Poster1
ReplyDeleteYou can start to work on your Mom, pray before you approach them. May you find favor before your parents like Esther found before the king. All d best....poster 2
Mbok how una take know say Lind eze's hubby's mouth Dey smell? Biko ? Is eze synonymous with bitterness? @ poster 1: you gotta love yourself... Try! @ poster 2: carry him go home 1st, oso setie unu agbawa
ReplyDeleteNarrative two gi na ndi ofe??? Orikwa fear! Narrative 1 God got u. Just know this: You are wonderfully and fearfully made. Nne pamper yourself. Go out there and shine. Be happy
ReplyDeletePoster 1, your happiness lies in your hands.
ReplyDeleteHow can you a achieve that?
You have to love yourself,do things that make you happy.Don't live your life to please anyone or pretend to be who you are not.
Love God,obey his word and look up to him,he will be your strength.
I wish you the best.
Poster 2, why not take a step first before concluding....confront your fears.yours is just tribal difference,I ve seen a case of religious difference that worked out.
Talk to your parents and while at it,don't fail to pray.
I wish you the very best.
Yes please poster 1 .take this advice. You have to accept yourself as you are.not every one will take to you not everyone will like you. You have to become comfortable with that. Find the strength from within.
DeletePoster 2 I don't really know what you want us to say to you. You really should never have started there relationship with him. Only you can decide what to do.
Poster1, HUGS..pls learn to love ur self, do things that make u happy.dont think of ur limping as a barrier, there are people without legs who envy u,u have kids, some women just want a child.life is not fair but lean on God's words.hugs
ReplyDelete@poster 1~ with your health conditions but yet you are still alive,ought to give u something to smile about.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace each day as they come and learn to see yourself as a survivor.
The truth is we are all unique in our own little way.
4get the talks,d backlash...facial palsy or not,U ARE BEAUTIFUL.
There are most people wv issues worse than yours bt they won't let sometng out of their control define them and so should you.
Nobody can love you until you learn to love yourself.
What you think,is what u show.
Please brace and let people use ur spirit as a reference point when talking about a survivor.
God loves you and that is all that matters.
Ps~ avascular necrosis might probably be d cause of you limping,please try to stay hydrated and shew away from stress.
Go meet a shoe maker,to make one of your shoe soles higher than the other,so as to make d claudication not to be obvious.
Rather than be embarrassed bout it,see it as the new trend and walk with it wv your head raised high cos no1 is can be you and no1 is better than you.
For d facial palsy...please try to do some facial exercise,if u can't then try to chew gum more often,it helps.
God loves you...remember that!
Poster 2~ if he's gud for u,then that should be enough.
You are d one getting married and not you parent.
Try to talk to them and make them see reasons cos after all,what matters the most is your happiness! And I believe your parent wants that as well.
Tribe shouldn't define a relationship,rather love should.
Make your parent see beyond his tribe and learn to love him same way u have.
If it would make things less stressful 4u,maybe u can hold off telling them his tribe and wait to see if they'd love him.
You can probably introduce him with his english name if need be.
But in all,i think you might just be worried over nothing,your parent might not react the way u think they would
I happen to be in the same shoes. I'm an igbo girl who is crazy in love with a benue man.I must add he is crazy in love with me too. We have talked about taking it to the next level but the issue is both parents are strongly against it. My family wants me to marry one igbo man I feel nothing for. I know I will be miserable if I do. Well I have decided to same all the consequences and follow my heart. Still trying to persuade my family. I hope it turns out well. Good luck
ReplyDeleteBenue and igbo,have so much in common. Not far from each other
DeleteBetter leave that Benue man. Ogini di sef? Igbo amaka biko
DeleteHad to comment at dis point!Benue men....hmmm#comment reserved#just sha be careful,it will be unfair of me to say there is no single good person from dat end,but so many similar gory tales from one end cannot be a coincidence!forgive me y'all,am not usually a bigot,but on this,hmmm!
DeleteFirst pointer dou,hope he doesn't have temper,pride issues and is not a golddigger?
Poster1,u have to understand that self love is ultimate as pple have told u!some wise person once said:'the flawlessness in any form of beauty is a flaw in itself!so that thing abt u u think makes u ugly,by the time u become confident and un ashamed of it,will be wat will make u more unique and lovable!
.....everything is in ur mind!
Best of luck.
Please it's ' I am' not 'am' in other words. I feel for both poster 1 and 2. I'll be back to comment
ReplyDeletePoster 1: The greatest gift 2 oneself is love. It is until u love urself b4 d outsiders will love u. Every minutes of d u r chanced, stand in d mirror & admire, that way wen u go outside u'll get alot of love & admirers.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Take d bull by d horn. Sit ur parents down & make them 2 understand dt maltreating women z not just in one tribe. They should allow u 2 marry whoever u wants 2 marry so long u r saved wt him. And also b4 taking ur guy 2 go & meet ur family, pray very hard that God shld change dia mind. #GoodLuck
*****MhizDebbyViaIG*****
Poster 1, God is love. Make good friends and remember how special and lucky u r. One of my Uni best friends had a serious limp but she rocked life more than us. Never lacked male attention. U r in charhe of ur own happiness.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you are too young to take ur relationship to "the next level", my opinion. I am igbo n spent some time in yorubaland,if you think this guy is good then your parents will see the good in him too, they are not monsters.
Goodluck everyone, it is well.
poster one
ReplyDeleteu are a xtain rite?
always remember that JESUS CHRIST loves u
u are wonderfully and fearfully made by GOD o.k
poster 2
u knew ur parent's stand on inter tribal marriage yet u went ahead to date a guy from anoda tribe why?
my advice is this ;
tell ur folks abt d relationship, if they agree , gud for u but if they don't end the relationship and move on.
marriage no be beans oooo........
Poster one. God wud heal & keep u.
ReplyDeletePoster two, introduce ur boo to d parents, wen dy see how sweet he is, dy ll accept him.
Peace out.
@poster two,am sorry i cant type again,cos wat i typed initially got wiped off.If u love this guy so much&u knw dat God supports u guys wen it comes to marriage,FIGHT for him.Am ibid,my hubby is urhobo,i had clash with 85% of my relatives&immediate family b4 God softened the heart of my parents.But we spent time on out knees even with our pastor prating with us.We went to d mountain too for prayers&today we r happily married.Turn to God cos if i strt narrating wat we passed tru,it wont finished.May God give u strent&wisdom..All this tribal stuff is really bad cos most parents claim to b children of God&still isolate from other tribes.
ReplyDeleteSo far both intending couples r xtians,i dnt tink anytin shield stop dem from getting married..
D Bible only said dnt b unequally yoked with an UNBELIEVER,not a tribal person...Its well ..
Hmm.
ReplyDelete@poster 1
ReplyDeleteLearn to love yourself...no matter what!
@poster 2
Has your boyfriend proposed?
Your parents might be right about "Yoruba men"but pls,shine your eyes!
Poster 1: dressing really pretty for your self helps. Keep it in mind that you are a queen and avoid laid back comments. You are beautiful. Beauty is from the inside. Poster 2: Your case is in God's hands. Pray and take a step of faith
ReplyDeleteHow to build self confidence @ poster 1.
ReplyDelete1.identify ur negative thoughts. Like "I can't do it " I will fail. Replace them with "I can be successful ".
2. Turn ur negative thoughts to positive thoughts. Start with just a few positive thoughts a day.
3.refuse to allow negative thoughts to occur more often than positive thoughts.
4.maintain a positive support network.
Avoid people that tells u the worst part of u. Including close friends and hubby.
5.eliminate reminders of ur negativity.
6.identify ur talent.it will help u to develop urself. It gives self satisfaction.
7.take pride in urself.
8. Accept compliments gracefully.
9.look at urself in the mirror and smile. Tell urself that ur the best thing that happened to creation.
10. Be comfortable with ur fear. Confidence people also have fears u know.
11. Be patient with urself. Take it easy u will succeed.
12.strive for balance.
13. Most importantly stop comparing urself with others.
14. Recognize ur insecurities.
14. Avoid perfectionism.
15. Practice gratitude. Thanking God for ur life will help you too.
16. Take care of urself. Dress well.
17. Put more effort in ur appearance.
18.work out.
19. Sleep well.
20.embrace the unknown.
Lastly remember that Jesus love u the way u are. Like Stella said love urself even if nobody loves u.
Nwa Amaka loves u too.
gbam!
DeleteWord
Delete1000 likes, Amaka.
Delete#WhiteDiamondOut
@poster two,am sorry i cant type again,cos wat i typed initially got wiped off.If u love this guy so much&u knw dat God supports u guys wen it comes to marriage,FIGHT for him.Am ibo,my hubby is urhobo,i had clash with 85% of my relatives&immediate family for over 2yrs b4 God softened the heart of my parents.But we spent time on our knees even with our pastor praying with us.We went to d mountain too for prayers&today we r happily married.Turn to God cos if i strt narrating wat we passed tru,i wont finish.May God give u strent&wisdom..All this tribal stuff is really bad cos most parents claim to b children of God&still isolate from other tribes.
ReplyDeleteSo far both intending couples r xtians,i dnt tink anytin shld stop dem from getting married..
D Bible only said dnt b unequally yoked with an UNBELIEVER,not a tribal person...Its well ..
Hmmmmmm waoo
ReplyDeletePister one- the Lord is ur muscle
ReplyDeleteWhen u look at the mirror,
Tell urself u re d most beautiful woman on earth.
Confidence is from within dear...
Poster two - i guess this is where i will have to say Jesus fix it
@poster2 : please 4get that your bf.......one person no dey marry wife.
ReplyDeleteIf you disobey your family, we u start having small small marriage issues, who will u cry 2?
And yoruba men naa second hand material 4 husband...they are not good 4 marriage.
4get love, love dey finish 4 marriage, and that's where other qualities comes up.......just give it a try by introducing him shall
Money maker, I await your comment.
Exactly...
DeletePortable, yes it's good to obey and listen to your parents but I've seen cases where ladies went head strong with the one they love and it worked out right and then the parents turned around to say.." thank God she followed her heart. He is a blessing afterall"
Delete@bloglord: yes it does happen but no be where yoruba men dey oooh.
DeletePlease oooh am not trying to be tribalistic.
Bad igbo men full ground tho
Eg my folks @bloglord
DeletePoster 1 love urself like dere's no tomorrow
ReplyDeleteEyaa...poster one...God will see you through. Engage in things that make you happy. Know that you are still beautiful. Engage in skill learning...it will take your mind away from lots of things. If you have the money...u can open a business. Life na per head o...don't let your husband get to u. Focus on your kids. Dress smartly and with confidence. Use make up n above all trust in God. Poster 2....your matter strong o. Try n talk to your mum. She's a woman and will understand that it's your happiness that's at stake. Tribe doesn't guarantee building a strong n happy home.
ReplyDeleteI comment my reserve.
ReplyDeletePoster 1. I feel your pain but it will be well.
ReplyDeleteLoving yourself is the first thing you have to do. I have a friend on wheelchair. I've never met anyone as confident as her.
Do what you believe to be right, even if people mock you for it.
Be willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
May God see you through.
Poster 2. Your case is really a tough one.
I think you should get people to talk to your parents first before taking him home. I don't really know what to say cos I don't know anyone that has been in your shoes.
I have been in dat shoe.
DeletePoster2. Am married to a Yoruba man and am igbo. In my case my hubby is even a Moslem. And am a Christian.
Initially my parents gragra no be here. I told them that if they refuse I will stay unmarried. For seven years I refused to marry anybody. Then they knew that I was serious. My mom told me to go and bring the guy. I told her no dat av decided to remain single. My mom started visiting churches and prayer houses on my behalf. To cut the long story short. Today we are married with two beautiful boys. Its ur decision. Ur life not ur parent's. Any decision u take can only be for u.
Anon 16:31, you just lucky the nigga waited. From this poster's narrative the guy seems ready, and waste of time, he will move on to the next one.
DeleteU are obviously not a committed Christian if not what religion will your children practice? Are u truly happy to now be a Muslim? He is obviously not a serious Muslim if not you would have been regretting marrying a Muslim ny now
DeletePoster2, sweediie, am igbo married to a yoruba man and dats d best decision i have made in these 2yrs. But i was able to marry him cos my family approved if urs dnt approve den i dnt know what u can do other than to PRAY
ReplyDelete2 yrs still fresh sha. When the marriage is like 20yrs, u can come back and say its the best decision or not. Wish u a blissful married life.
Delete@poster1 : I feel so sorry for you.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs..........
@ pls love urself like never bf
ReplyDeletePoster 2
ReplyDeleteAs much as we'll all agree that age is nothing but a number, it has its advantage of giving us more years of exposure which can give us an edge in proper evaluation, considerations et al(not in all cases tho).
If u started dating him 11 months ago, its more likely that you met him while you were 20. Its really much of a sacrifice to give your entire youth to this dude but if he loves you right and would support your dreams in future then we can say its worth it.
Truth is, we are in a different era from our parents but we can relate or understand their reservations but wouldn't stay limited to that if the circumstance is right. Also, one strong factor typical to african parents is relating personal decisions with age and in this circumstance, you might be disadvantaged.
Every good thing is worth a try so if u've got yourself a decent man who comes from a decent home bereft of tribalism then you can introduce him to family and watch as things would pan out....I believe his disposition and personality would play a good role in convincing your parents, so that should be your strong point in making them believe you are in safe hands.
Finally, please listen to your parents and what they'll say after discussing with him...you might pick a whole lot of points which you might not see at the moment cos love sometimes blinds us from some obvious realities n also bear in mind that you ought to live ur dreams, donot tie them down in the name of 'early' marriage.
Li-yon Vls.
You always have good points.
Deleteposter 1,God loves u and made u in His own image and likeness.u are beautiful.u are a miracle. reminds me of a song my children used to sing....."i have eyes,i can see with dem,oh what a miracle anm i; i have legs,i can walk with dem,oh what a miracle am i;(chorus)...oh wat a miracle,oh wat a miracle,every little part of me,am something special,so very special,there's nobody quite like me. Poster,love urself, look good but remember,its wat u have on ur insides dat radiates outside.God bless u sis. Poster 2, pray b4 taking ur boo home.ask Holyspirit to move on ur behalf and go touch d heart of ur parents in Jesus name.decree dat d glory of God be revealed mightily upon ur boo dat wen ur parent shall see him,dey will see not his tribe but d glory of God upon him.words are powerful.pray d above with faith and i see d manifestation of ur testimony.****i nid me a black murano jeep as a gift***
ReplyDeleteposter 1,God loves u and made u in His own image and likeness.u are beautiful.u are a miracle. reminds me of a song my children used to sing....."i have eyes,i can see with dem,oh what a miracle anm i; i have legs,i can walk with dem,oh what a miracle am i;(chorus)...oh wat a miracle,oh wat a miracle,every little part of me,am something special,so very special,there's nobody quite like me. Poster,love urself, look good but remember,its wat u have on ur insides dat radiates outside.God bless u sis. Poster 2, pray b4 taking ur boo home.ask Holyspirit to move on ur behalf and go touch d heart of ur parents in Jesus name.decree dat d glory of God be revealed mightily upon ur boo dat wen ur parent shall see him,dey will see not his tribe but d glory of God upon him.words are powerful.pray d above with faith and i see d manifestation of ur testimony.****i nid me a black murano jeep as a gift***
ReplyDeleteposter 1,God loves u and made u in His own image and likeness.u are beautiful.u are a miracle. reminds me of a song my children used to sing....."i have eyes,i can see with dem,oh what a miracle anm i; i have legs,i can walk with dem,oh what a miracle am i;(chorus)...oh wat a miracle,oh wat a miracle,every little part of me,am something special,so very special,there's nobody quite like me. Poster,love urself, look good but remember,its wat u have on ur insides dat radiates outside.God bless u sis. Poster 2, pray b4 taking ur boo home.ask Holyspirit to move on ur behalf and go touch d heart of ur parents in Jesus name.decree dat d glory of God be revealed mightily upon ur boo dat wen ur parent shall see him,dey will see not his tribe but d glory of God upon him.words are powerful.pray d above with faith and i see d manifestation of ur testimony.****i nid me a black murano jeep as a gift***
ReplyDeleteD two chronicles is really tough
ReplyDeleteposter 1,God loves u and made u in His own image and likeness.u are beautiful.u are a miracle. reminds me of a song my children used to sing....."i have eyes,i can see with dem,oh what a miracle anm i; i have legs,i can walk with dem,oh what a miracle am i;(chorus)...oh wat a miracle,oh wat a miracle,every little part of me,am something special,so very special,there's nobody quite like me. Poster,love urself, look good but remember,its wat u have on ur insides dat radiates outside.God bless u sis. Poster 2, pray b4 taking ur boo home.ask Holyspirit to move on ur behalf and go touch d heart of ur parents in Jesus name.decree dat d glory of God be revealed mightily upon ur boo dat wen ur parent shall see him,dey will see not his tribe but d glory of God upon him.words are powerful.pray d above with faith and i see d manifestation of ur testimony.****i nid me a black murano jeep as a gift***
ReplyDeleteWhat is it?
DeleteP2; if ur man av all d traits of a gud man, talk to ur pple, if dey re adamant, tell dem u wil remain single if dey dnt allow u to marry him. BE SURE OF UR MAN B4 TAKING DIS STEP. it worked 4 me although my dad who hated yorubas wit a passion had died at dat time.
ReplyDeletePoster 1. It's a gradual process and you can do it. Think of things you like, do them. Watch spiritual motivational videos from pastors and pray that God strengthen you to realize you worth more. No matter what you are very beautiful and a sexy mom too.
ReplyDeletepOSTER 2. I suggest you introduce him to you family but pray before you do so. Hear them out if the have any excuses and weigh the options. From my own opinion if the say No..Take your time just maybe you can see if the guy is worth the fight.
@ Poster one.... I wish I could just give u a hug! Pls I beg u, u need to help urself, nobody would help u in this! Look into the mirror, and as hard as it seems, tell urself sweet things (I do this a lot). U'll feel good within urself. See ehn! Once u learn to accept the things u can't change, rathere than brood over it, it pays better! Think about ur kids, how would they feel if they discover their mum has self esteem issues? It wouldn't be nice pls!
ReplyDeleteFor me, there are days when everything gets to zero point, days when the whole family goes to church mayb with offering for only the kids, days when there is NOTHING to eat at home...thank God for self esteem and grace...I go out looking all confident, u will never know! Pls my love, pls, help urself okay? God created u in HIS image and he never does what is wrong okay? #hugs.
@Poster two, for me, I don't count all these tribal issues as anything o! All I advise is, look out for traits in the individual, both good and bad..if u can cope, then, the choice is yours! My husband and I are from different tribes, but with all d issues we had in the past, TRIBE has NEVER for one day surfaced. Maybe others might have had their bad experiences in inter-tribal marriages o! But what I know is it is not a 'one-size-fits-all' thing.... I have seen people from the same tribe have it really bad in marriage!
And by the way, u knew abt this before u went the whole eleven months, u should have had ur strategies well planned out.... I wish u d very best in whatever decision u take.
Poster 2 : why take him home ?
ReplyDeleteAre u ready for marriage now ? Pls don't bother yourself . Up till now my mom has never met any of my bf's .i want her to only know the one I'd walk down the aisle with -now she will meet my darling before our introduction ..So pls enjoy ur relationship and Allow it get to that serious stage 1st -
and tell ur BF to allow yu drink water keep cup - ur still very young to be worrying about all this.
Poster1, find solace in d word of God, join social and religious groups. It is well wit you.
ReplyDelete@ poster 2::May Jehovah Elohim Fix it for Uuuuu....
ReplyDeletePoster 2 there is nothing to worry about. As far as there is love between both of you. Try and convince your parents, not all yorubas are bad likewise not all igbos are good.
ReplyDeletelove kor
DeleteI don't think that's a big problem, one of my cousin that babysat us when we were kids is happily married to a Yoruba man and they have two beautiful kids, the marriage and everything went smoothly, the girl parents were not bordered at all, guess its bcos dey are poor and in dare need of help then, but i hate the man like mad, yet he was the one that got me a good IT placement(I know am a big fan of tribalism but i can't help it).
ReplyDeleteBack to the matter, I suggest u let ur parents know abt it now, especially ur mum, from there u would know the next step to take, but at 21 marriage shldnt be ur priority..... Goodluck
Wait oooo....henry ishi nkwucha...so u get sense like this?.....hmmmmm....
DeleteNo matter how tough it may appear your parents have your best interest at HEART. Be open and tell the guy to win them if he can.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that's a big problem, one of my cousin that babysat us when we were kids is happily married to a Yoruba man and they have two beautiful kids, the marriage and everything went smoothly, the girl parents were not bordered at all, guess its bcos dey are poor and in dare need of help then, but i hate the man like mad, yet he was the one that got me a good IT placement(I know am a big fan of tribalism but i can't help it).
ReplyDeleteBack to the matter, I suggest u let ur parents know abt it now, especially ur mum, from there u would know the next step to take, but at 21 marriage shldnt be ur priority..... Goodluck
Se u know the man may read this blog n realise the nephew he is suffering to help n get placements for hates him for nothing, actually hates him because of something he has no control over like being Yoruba. SMH.
DeleteAm igbo n cld relate with ur story@poster2.if u parent r serious abt d issue,dey ll likely nt agree cos of ur age.dey might feel u dnt knw wat u want n only being decieved
ReplyDelete.wait till u graduate.try to knw their fears abt d yorubas
May jesus fix it all.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 stop seeing urself from other people lenses. You'll start living when you stop overloading your beautiful mind with what people says or think. Your number one duty is to love urself before anyone else, love conquer multitude of shortcomings and deficiencies. Pamper yourself, adopt good carriage even with your limping, stop hidding behind your depression, be positive in your thinking, banish negative thought, change your attitude to your spouse, kids, coleagues, friends and families. Even when life gives you thousand reasons to become hateful, give life back million reason why you should be lovingly grateful. Life is an echo, it is what we whisper into it that she echo back to us. Be strong dear. Poster 2. Tribe or faith does not make us a better person; character does. You are the only one who will know wether this guy is worth fighting for character wise irrespective of his background. Its either you stand up and fight for him now if the effort is worth it or live with the pain that regret brings in the future. Or you let him go peacefully now if it does not worth it and be thankful to God. Blv me its your road and your parents are only there to guide and direct you but at the end of the day you will be the only one that will take the walk down the path you choose through their counsel or by your guts. Using other people's marriage as yardstick may not be enough, with the kind of cat and mouse relationship that existed btw the two tribes. I have seen many igbo/yoruba girls enjoying good marriages with their Igbo/yoruba spouses and I av also seen many igbo/yoruba girls enduring their marriages with Igbo/yoruba guyz. The final choice is yours to make, just as you will need courage to fight for this guy before your parents, you will also need courage to give up on him; the amount of enerygy required is still the same.
ReplyDeleteYour parents are right, forget love, Yoruba men don't make good husbands. I sincerely wish the ones married to them can go under anonymous and say the truth so that you don't end up making the same mistake. Nikon you are still young, find an Igbo brother and fall in love with
ReplyDeleteSo true!...
DeleteTheir men na nonsense!...
No ur wrong. Maybe the ones u know. My elder sister is married to a Yoruba man and I envy them a lot. Because of her am even hoping to get married to one. The guy adores her. And they've been together for 12years.
DeleteBesides igbo guys are not the best.with their regular beer palour visiting and domineering attitude. Is not tribe but personality.
Anon 16.40.your hypocrisy is on a different level. You cursed out igbo guys yet you concluded by saying " 'is' not tribe but personality" kitikwa ra cha otu gi there.
DeleteThe only reason why a Yoruba man will adore and cherish his wife is if his wife is the breadwinner...
DeleteCheck very well,your sister might be the breadwinner in that home...
I have mingled with them very well and this is what I found out...
It is quite unfortunate. U have mingled with them... how many of them. If u were born Hausa, will u hold that view.
DeleteHiss
I know many inter tribal marriages that have worked out well.
I know many bad ibo men and i know few good ibo men. The same goes for all tribes.
Is he a very good Man? If ur answer is yes, then u wil know if he is worth fighting for.
Many pple here dont know how it feels cos they will never give it a chance, tribalism has blinded them.
dont marry a yoruba man when he dies you will find out he had kids from other women,majority of then are rubbish,forget all these anonymous praising them
DeleteLinda spot on!!!
DeleteN1, may God Heal you and make your life beautiful. Try searching for videos of people that have overcome a similar challenge on YouTube. You may be surprised at what you'd find.
ReplyDeletePoster one: You're a sickle cell carrier and are married with three kids...you should thank God and appreciate yourself, when you look in the mirror what do you see, from your narrative I see a conqueror, a strong woman that has overcome a lot that many that don't even have your "limitations" can't overcome. When you see yourself, dwell on the positives and be thankful, appreciate yourself, thank God for your life, Love you!
ReplyDeletePoster 2: take him home first and see their reaction before you decide to let go or not. Your letting go should be based on if they kick against it totally not on what you think will be except you don't love him well enough sha
@Poster 1: The real thing that brings self confidence in a person is knowing that peculiar thing that God has blessed you with and harnessing it! There is something distinct about every individual; talent, gifts etc. Your husband saw all the inefficiencies and deficiencies and yet married you above everyone else. Find pleasure in the Lord your God who has blessed you with kids and above all eternal life; there is no person that does not have a challenge or a need in this life. That is if folks want to be truthful. Most times, even the person who tells you; "I have all that I need . . ." still needs somethings except that he/she does not know what it is. Look at you scripture and I pray that the Lord will open you understanding to know that special gift he has given you that makes you distinct and loveable.
ReplyDeleteExamine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test? 2 Cor. 13:5
@Poster 2: It is in time like this that you know the import of chastity and coming to equity with clean hands. Have you been loving God with your life (Lk. 10:27)? In this relationship, have you been chaste; respecting your body the temple of God? If so . . . then there is nothing to fear. You and your fiance should fast and pray; humble yourself before him and before God. Tell him everything you fear and see how the Lord will fight for you. You will be surprised how your parents would tow your line. Even if they do not do so now, the Lord can give you peace and boldness to go on and assurance that they will come around eventually and indeed they will. I know a lot of folks it has happened to as such! But if you are living to please the flesh and "opening legs" without bride price being paid; still take the step of humbling yourself before God in repentance and he will fight for you; why not?
"I am the LORD, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?
Jer. 32:27
He is the God of all the peoples of the earth; Igbo and Yourbas inclusive!
-Peace.
What do you want us to do now? You knew from the beginning that its a no-no in your family and you still went ahead. Not like you were blind or something. Make I tell you, if bros carries another babe today, his family will welcome 'our iyawo'. Use your tongue and count ya teeth.
ReplyDeletePls poster 2,forget that guy,ur family must be in support of ur marriage,so that in time of trouble they will stand by you
ReplyDeleteFor the first narrative about building ones self confidence, my sincere advice to you is to trust not in peoples opinion about you but about your opinion of yourself. Only at that can your self worth, self confidence and even self esteem can be restored. You are a teacher and have brought out the best in your students at a point or the other, so borrow a leave from your abilities and keep the flag flying. Best regards.
ReplyDeleteFor the second narrative, you must follow your heart and bring your parents to the understanding of your dreams and aspirations if you've not done that before. Don't also forget that prayers have a way of making the impossible possible, so resort to that also. Lest i forget, you must know what you want cos your question about whether Yoruba men beats their wives makes me think you are yet to decide. If you said the guy is a good guy and you love him, then your question is already a negation of what you said about him. I wish you the best.
P1, and I give you the lyrics of the late Queen of voice *learning to love oneself is the greatest love of all* if you don't love yourself nobody, I repeat nobody not even your kids or husband would love you. Charity means God's love and it has to begin at your home which is your heart. I don't know you but I love you plenty. Kisses and hugs. P2, tell your parents first and start the war now till you see that you can't win the war then you let go, or introduce him to them, they might like him, you can't say. But in all pray if he's your nan let God's will be done. Love conquers all.
ReplyDeleteP1, in addition to what most people have said, avoid people that make you feel bad about yourself, those that ignore you and make you feel like you are beneath them. Just know that God is aware of everything you are going through, He loves you just the way you are and you should love yourself too and stive to become better. Hold on dear, its gonna be alright.
ReplyDeleteP2, you are young and I doubt your parents will approve. Whatever happens, listen to your parents. Love no dey finish.
Poster #2. I do feel your pain. However the solution to this problem is solely in your hands. I advise you pray about it and ask for the Holy Spirit to help you. One of the mysteries of God is that He has the hearts of Kings as well as your parents in His Hands. So take it to Him in prayers. After that, then you have to be very sure of this love and present it to your parents in the most presentable manner. If they observe you are in love with this man, and absolutely adore Him and without Him your life will be lacking something true, then I presume they will cave in.
ReplyDeletePoster #1: If you look very well there is a reason for your situation. Please love yourself. Make constant note to speak to yourself everyday.
poster one...I've been where u are now and I know how it feels. get a piece of paper and list out your achievements. no matter how little you may think they are. even if it was cooking something great that everyone loved or changing a light bulb. just list all the times that you did something really great n that u were praised n u felt happy with yourself. list it all. your sch degrees,your kids and all. It helps. also,try to find joy in your kids. never ever allow pple look down at you. dress and look really well. With time n God on your side,Ull overcome this. e-hugs hun.
ReplyDeleteIts well...
ReplyDeleteposter 1. I am so happy for you for God to have kept u till now with loving kids is a miracle for you to love yourself, try to look unto ur kids and be happy, dress nice even if you limp doesn't matter, the greatest love one need is d love of God,and that is what you have. poster 2. you are still very young, do not let go of your love if you sure he does the same, look for elderly person in your family dat ur parents respect so much to talk to them once is time to take it to another level.
ReplyDeleteI have met very good yoruba men, who are good husbands to their wives regardless of the tribe of their wives. Yes, some tribes tend to have particular habits or attitudes, but that is not to say all yoruba men make bad husbands. I wanted a yoruba man but that was not God's plan.
ReplyDeleteso posters making general comments should stop.
Poster 2, pray if you are sure he is the one, take it one step at a time.
Poster 1, I've had so many females who had sickle cell that are late. I still have a friend who is alive with 3 children. She says it is God. Rejoice lady, you are alive. Read Psalms 139. God bless.
Poster one stop thinking of yourself from the lens of others. Love yourself. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteN2, I will start by saying you are too young to start thinking of marriage. To your question, my blog name is MISS TRUTH as you can see so i will always tell the truth. based on what i have seen and heard, Igbo men make better husbands than yoruba men, the ones i know that are married to yoruba men are treated anyhow. While dating it is always good but marriage?..Hmmm.. They enjoy spending money outside.( MOST.) And my dear please listen to your parents. I am talking of what i have seen with my korokoro eyes ( i am not married to a Nigerian BTW ) MAKE UNA NO VEX O.
ReplyDeleteGod bless,i have seen so many people married to yoruba men that complain ñ,look around you and taje note of the people around you,fron there you will know which tribe is better in marriage,make sure u are industrious because yoruba men are not used to taking care of women and they love polygamy like gala.even if u have a good yoruba girlfriend she will advise u never to marry their men.
Delete@poster 2, you have finally made me comment on this blog. I believe a place in the bible spoke about obeying your parents and honouring them to live long on earth, also a commandment from God.For those people quoting the bible to advice her you forgot this command came first from God right? I can't begin to talk about the level of stupidity that some people exhibit here, it makes me sad for my people. If you are not a christian or muslim (not sure if they have such rules) well you can go ahead and do what you want. Each time I read this blog I see lots of you being stupidly desperate and the sad part is you will all claim to not care about men, or men this men that.Ladies give it a break!!
ReplyDeleteYou should be reading your books and creating a career path for yourself (Thats getting a life) but no you are busy reading blog, thinking about man and marriage. Why not just drop out, get married and focus on commenting and sending in chronicles be it of hope or sadness, would it not be better?Be wise!!
@stella, I adore the work you are doing, I just wish you don't give room to those stupid/jobless people that rush to make comment but have no value to add in someone's life.
Imagine someone coming to seek solution and someone is telling you "space booked" or "negodu". Are you booking space in someone's predicament or mocking them (for those with real problems)? Nigerians can do better than this please, we all just need to grow up.
Where do I send your kisses to?
DeletePoster 2, I will summarize my story and hopefully it might help you. My Father always drummed it into our heads that we must marry Igbo men, but maka love I did the opposite. I am the Ada in my family and I brought home a man from another tribe. Hian! Isi gini? He was not pleased and made it quite clear, but I got my Mum to reason with me and my husband (then probable fiancé) took it upon himself to form a relationship with her. It was my Mother who eventually encouraged him to accept my husband.
ReplyDeleteMy dear if you are at peace with this man, i.e. you have no doubt whatsoever that he is your God-given guy, then try and convince one of your parents (the calm, understanding one) about your stand and leave the rest to God. God bless!
marry delta they are easy going,if u meet the nice one you will enjoy them but yoruba na one chance
DeletePoster 1: your story is really touching and id like to offer you one simple advise.
ReplyDeleteEXERCISE. there is something called Endorphins which you get from exercise..
Improved self-esteem is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity . When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain.
Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine. For example, the feeling that follows a run or workout is often described as "euphoric." That feeling, known as a "runner's high," can be accompanied by a positive and energizing outlook on life.
NOTE: YOU DONT NEED PLENTY TIME TO GET THIS DONE. 20-30 MINS OF CONSISTENT AND CONSTANT EXERCISE WILL GIVE U HWAT YOU WANT.
Poster 1: your story is really touching and id like to offer you one simple advise.
ReplyDeleteEXERCISE. there is something called Endorphins which you get from exercise..
Improved self-esteem is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity . When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain.
Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine. For example, the feeling that follows a run or workout is often described as "euphoric." That feeling, known as a "runner's high," can be accompanied by a positive and energizing outlook on life.
NOTE: YOU DONT NEED PLENTY TIME TO GET THIS DONE. 20-30 MINS OF CONSISTENT AND CONSTANT EXERCISE WILL GIVE U HWAT YOU WANT.
Poster 1: your story is really touching and id like to offer you one simple advise.
ReplyDeleteEXERCISE. there is something called Endorphins which you get from exercise..
Improved self-esteem is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity . When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain.
Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine. For example, the feeling that follows a run or workout is often described as "euphoric." That feeling, known as a "runner's high," can be accompanied by a positive and energizing outlook on life.
NOTE: YOU DONT NEED PLENTY TIME TO GET THIS DONE. 20-30 MINS OF CONSISTENT AND CONSTANT EXERCISE WILL GIVE U HWAT YOU WANT.
Hmmmmmmmm!!! 1st if all to (poster1). I feel your pain bcos I too I'm a woman,married and a mother of 2kids. I must say I know how it feel like not feeling loved by the same man who couldn't get his eyes of me and wanted to marry me at all cost,but, I gave learn to love myself and le my kids love be enough for me. You need to see how I glow lol!! I dress well to make make turn twice with admiration lol! Let your little deformity be a hindrance to your self happiness ok? Now! I say get up, dress in your finest,make up,if your hair is rough the it in a fine style, put on a smile and go visiting!! Laugh out loud!! Forget your worries, if friend or family ask you what's going on in your home, tell them it's going in fine and well,tell them positive things and talk about something else, talk about the future and to grow for yourself and that of your kids bcos they are your joy never forget that.
ReplyDeletePoster 2) Hehehe!! You are even lucky that you are dating not married. I'm an Edo woman and married to a Yoruba man. Before marriage, lol! I was so happy that I was marring into a marvelous home lo! I was happy that I will have a wonderful in-law bcos that's how they presented themselves, not knowing that it was a trap, a big trap lol!!! Trouble!! I cough trouble, I laugh wahala, na them like respect pass but they are the world greatest hypocrites!! With their senseless rules for women to objectify them and make them feel like slaves, or make them have a low self esteem. Bcos you marry their son then you bcos a slave to every member of the family, even as old as I'm, I'm made to call and serve kids Aunty/Brother and possibly kiss their feet. Lol!! Watin my eyes never see!! Long story short!! Pls! Pls!!! My story may not be as yours but pleaseeeee!!! study the family more not the man you are dating b4 you put your legs on HOT pot plsss!! MK.
even yoruba girls cannot comment because they know what their mums endured, yoruba girls are hardworking but their men are lazy,womanizing,backbiters God help u if after u marry that guy and he gets another lady pregnant,they will accept the lady,they have no regard for legal marriage.
Deleteposter2: I think u should just follAsow ur heart and even if u go wrong @ least u will know u followed ur heart
ReplyDeleteAs for Money Maker your idiocy is legendary. People like you have no place in decent societies. It is retards like you that have made the ibos endangered species all over the world and make some people regret that the Biafran massacre wasn't total. Stupid Animal
what u wish biafrans will happen in your family
Deletebaba cool what u wish biafrans will happen to u and ur family
Delete@ Baba cool. You talk of annihilation @ ds century? You must be a retard.
DeleteWhy are you not in a zoo cooling off by now? Hediot
poster 2: Don't listen to your parents as they don't always know the best which I have realized now, I am an example of this, was with a guy who did the world for me, his dad was Yoruba and his mum Igbo but my parents didn't want him , kepts saying to marry an Igbo guy. the Igbo guy I married is now showing me hell, lies, dominating, beats me, arrogant, now says he wants a divorce now that I am pregnant with another child.
ReplyDeleteit doesn't matter the tribe or race, marry the person that treats you well and loves you. am Igbo but I can say I will never marry an Igbo man again as most have this dominating personality where they want the woman to be the weaker one, never talk back, do what ever they say and make less money than them.
try delta next time forget yoruba men,dem bad
DeletePoster 1: please read your bible and draw strength and confidence in what God says you are. You are the daughter of a King so don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I am Igbo and married to a Yoruba man and all I can say is that God loves me more than I deserve. He is a good man and my family saw that and accepted him. I am one of those that believe that your parent's blessings are very important in marriage so my advice will be to first pray for Gods guidance. If you have peace in your heart and have no doubt that he is the one, God will make it work out if you ask Him. He is not an author of confusion. Talk to your boo about your concern so he will know that the road to gaining their acceptance may not be a smooth and jolly one. If he decides you are not worth the stress and walks away... Then it wasn't meant to be.
For all those generalizing, please don't be myopic. Saying that Igbo men make better husbands is just like saying that Igbo girls don't date more than one man before marriage. You see how stupid that is? You can't generalize things that vary from one individual to another.
I've seen some funny parents who reject potential daughter/son in laws based on selfish interests without putting their child's happiness first. I have seen Igbo parents reject suitors from other Igbo states. I know someone whose parents refused to accept his fiancée from the same state but a different town so he ended up marrying someone from his town. You need to find out if your parent's rejection is based on their perception that your man is not being sincere with you or because they just want to marry you off to that rich man they feel will become their golden cow.
Arent u people tired of this tribalism?yoruba men are bad but wedding still dey take place btw dis two tribes.igbo BVs who are married to yoruba men are saying positive things.let's learn to tolerate one another.I am a proud yoruba woman & I wasn't raised to be tribalistic.
ReplyDeletehow many weddings? abeg forget that story sometimes lack of suitors is even making some igbo girls marry yoruba sone of them didnt get igbo suitors but they will never admit,yoruba men no good for marriage and most yoruba women know ,how many yoruba men buy cars for their wives even when they can afford it,he will prefer to rent a flat for his mistress.
Deleteyoruba man wey go hide under bed when wahala dey
DeleteWe complain how white people are racist but we cant even tolerate ourselves with same skin colour. May God have mercy on us all.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind them. Human beings can be funny. Everyone was screaming xenophobia yet see the level of their tribalism. Na the mumu who will listen to them I dey pity.
DeleteIt's interesting the way some posters seem to know everything about Yoruba men yet without some of them having been married to one before.
ReplyDeleteIt's like me ignorantly spewing hatred about igbo men? Have I married one before? Even if I have, does that mean that they are all the same?
How can you generalize millions of men with one brush?
My parents aren't fans of Igbo people, but then they aren't fans of ijebu,ondo,Ibadan people as in laws.
Who would have thought that my brother their only son abroad will be serious with a white girl.
Omo nothing happen oh.
I am sure if they had a choice they would prefer igbo woman to the white woman.
That's enough to tell me that it's nothing personal, and that a good man will be able to prove Them wrong irrespective of his tribe.
Poster two, do you love him enough to live without him? That to me is the key question.
Do you have a strong heart to withstand drama and threats?
If the love isn't all that strong abeg leg him go oh. But if it is then stand by him and face the consequences.
Having it in mind that they may disown you and you are ok with that.
Don't go into it thinking or hoping that they will change their mind oh in case it doesn't happen.
Choose what you want.
Only you have the power to decide ok.
Stella you re a fool Just because i pured out my mind about the Igbo's and their ways of life then you disapprove my comment...But you can allow those ur useless fellows Igbo's be disparaging Yoruba's . CUNT.
ReplyDeletewatch african magic 157 that way you can have idea of yoruba lifestyle,that is if u dont live in lagos,forget the posters married to yoruba men and claiming to be happy,some are just lying, my dear look around with a pen and paper and take note of the no of yoruba men with multiple baby mamas and compare to igbos also note the no of their women who are well treated compared to igbo wives,infact go and ask sincere yoruba girls,they will advise you never to marry their men,yorubas dont value marriage like igbos, if your hubby impregnates another lady,they will consider her as a wife and they are very superstitious and fetish,my aunty was married to one for 4oyrs and that is her greatest regret in life,she said they still call her o'omo igbo oshi' even after 40yrs of marriage,womanising was like tea to her hubby but she stayed on because of stigma of divorce. dont marry a yoruba man please
ReplyDeleteI am really surprised at the levels of hate against yoruba people. It has really opened my eyes. I guess every tribe should stick to themselves. It would be good if the major tribes separate and everyone goes their way. Now I see what olu@atlanta was saying. It is well
ReplyDelete