In an article edited by the APA (American Psychological Association): The 21st century woman is more aggressive and assertive than the 70's or 80's woman - i.e the Ladies of our Generation are not docile like our parents time and they take no nonsense from men or even women of their peers.
That being said, my question remains, is it okay for a woman to retaliate or step out on her boyfriend or husband if he is unfaithful? In most cases in Nigeria,
men are most likely to cheat, flirt and have 2 or more side chicks. This puts a lot of strain and emotional/cognitive weight on the woman in this situation who most times have dedicated their time and efforts to make the relationship work and they keep seeing signs of their boyfriend or husband's infidelity.
Different women have different coping mechanisms to help them through the situation. some women go on a eating spree, some confront the sidec-chick, some burn or trash her boyfriend's clothes or cars, while others decide to step out on their man as well as have their own affair.
In my opinion, if you love your man, this is not the best approach or solution to the problem because it is not going to stop the unfaithful man but compound issues. Let's also note that there is double standard in cheating which makes it a "swag" or "ego boaster" for men who cheat and "taboo" or "slut effect" for women who cheat. Society has classified women who cheat as "Bad Eggs" no matter the circumstance. The best and Universal approach is to access and do a damage control in your relationship and if it's not worth it, leave the relationship. Not all men are cheats.
-Article written by a psychologist @Joroolunmofin on IG
-pic-google images
So ladies, how do you react when you find your boyfriend or man cheating on you? Do you keep letting it slide or you retaliate? What's your own coping mechanisms? Also what's you take on this article?
ehen
ReplyDelete#GODWIN™
I already told my bf if he ever cheat on me, I will return the favor to him. He He got mad at me and did not talk to me for few hrs. He said he doesn't like my stance, I told him well if you are not a cheat then you have no worries. We are still together.
ReplyDeleteYour Bf is insecure
DeleteCorrect chic!
DeleteI know retaliating isn't something I can do but it's definitely something I can threaten to do.
Lol
DeleteLove your gut...
Stupid men scared all over.
Your boyfriend dey give you format ni, I bet you he is cheating already and him go dey make you feel like John cena......
DeleteAunty Stella and SDK's well letting it slide has never been right and will never be. Retaliation makes u the cow he is. As the bible permits divorce on the basis of infidelity, if he can't stop please and pls leave before u have to kill him one day. These days that's what is leading to spouses killing each other.... marriage isn't a matter of life and death. For ones sanity sake, if u marry a goat or dog who can't keep his property in his boxers and he keep coming in contact with different spirits and diseases please leave. Run as fast as u ever can.
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella and SDK's well letting it slide has never been right and will never be. Retaliation makes u the cow he is. As the bible permits divorce on the basis of infidelity, if he can't stop please and pls leave before u have to kill him one day. These days that's what is leading to spouses killing each other.... marriage isn't a matter of life and death. For ones sanity sake, if u marry a goat or dog who can't keep his property in his boxers and he keep coming in contact with different spirits and diseases please leave. Run as fast as u ever can.
ReplyDeleteNa wetin dey make men to cheat first of all?
ReplyDelete1.Too much nagging from shameless women.
2. women are talkative & querulous.
3.Some women are FAT.
4.When women feel u ve gbensh their toto.They will bring out their true color.and start misbehaving
I no support you @money maker.
DeleteYou sound stupid this time around.....
I pity the poor woman that will be singing hallelujah on ur wedding day believing her problems are over not knowing she just got herself a trailer of shit in d name of horseband...I only feel 4 her.
DeleteAnd who told u every man likes slim women? FYI am not fat.
Stupid fool! I wonder the kind of woman who will put up with a fool like you.
DeleteSome men are dogs. Men like you deserve to be cheated on. You are stupid, useless, senseless, an excuse for a man, braindead and wasted.
So you no know say some of your specimens dey cheat? Anu ofia!
And that is how a woman will come to your house thinking she's married to a mana. Not knowing she just borrowed trouble from the devil.
Ewu Gambia, anu mpamu.
For some reason, I detest you. You are just too VILE. You are in effect a cold snake.
Gerrarahia fucker!
You are a FOOL, A TWERP and a COYOTE.You foolishness knows no bounds and are a sorry excuse for a man, let alone the a human being. Your mother should have just given your father a bj instead of letting the sperm form a baby in her.Ass wipe!!!
DeleteSince when did fat become a crime?some people really have little they do about their sizes.some people try to no avail cos of no fault of theirs(their genes). Has it ever crossed your mind that some men actually love big women/girls? Last I checked, Oprah,okonjo iweala and so many other ladies too numerous to mention are very successful and FAT too.Guys pls stop with the cyber bullying. Comments like this make some fat ladies depressed.A cheat is a cheat even if his wife is miss world.I have seen very slim and beautiful slim women with husbands who look 9 months pregnant and they dont go ouy to cheat on their husbands because of that.
DeleteOut*
Delete@portable,
DeleteI am sorry if I disappointed u with my comment.
It will not happen again.
Anon 19:55,
DeleteFAT people can become normal with regular exercises and proper dieting.
It is only a lazy person that gives up on his FAT
I say this all d time (tho not to my bf), the only things that can make me leave a relationship that I'm being taken care of are 1. Countless cases of cheating, most probably with several women. 2. If you ever lay ur hands on me.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that can make me walk out of my marriage is domestic violence.
If he likes, he should insult me told moon and back, I have mouth to insult back, but lay a finger on me and I'm out. Le boo knows dis, I sing it into his ears everyday. What I don't tell him is that I'd never leave my marriage just cos of a stupid lady hiding to sleep with him.
*to d and not told
DeleteAll your talk was making sense except the last statement so bcos she is hiding he can sleep with as many women as he likes...hmmmm..kontinew
DeleteAs annoying as eka joy cld be atimes,she's one of d very few dat talks sense n face reality when it comes to relationship issues on dis blog
DeleteWhen a man loves a woman he will not cheat on her!
ReplyDeleteYou don't cheat on someone over and over that you love!
Women need to set standards.
A woman needs to love her self to let go of a cheating man.
Simple. But if he insist on being a dog and cheats, i'll let it slide. We will become room mates and not couple
Deleteyou're a proper woman jor...I will forever insist that if a man cheats on me,he doesn't love me,he just thinks he does.
DeleteGBAM..ur head dey there
DeleteI agree with her assessment of the 21st century woman.
ReplyDeleteAnd with the reaction of some women when they find out that their men cheated.
I don't have the strength to waste fighting side chicks and all.
Afterall, men cheat out of their own freewill.
Na to just walk away.
Next to domestic violence, I can't stand cheating and I can't still fathom why people do it, instead of taking a walk, if they're no longer satisfied.
Live is too short to be carrying resentment and sadness around.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Life *
Delete#WhiteDiamondOut
The article already clarifies the fact that the world claps for a man who can lay more women but label a woman who does same - a slut. Especially in this part of the world.
ReplyDeleteI personally believe women should not condescend to swim in the same mud pit of iinfidelity. I don't think women were programmed to feel proud for sharing their bodies with multiple men at the same time except in the case of prostitution or perversion when the woman would have deadened herself to feminine virtue in order to meet certain needs.
Simply walk away from anybody who cheats on you. Even the bible prescribes it if you feel you can't take it anymore. Your life will be safer.
There are some though, men and women, who unintetionally fall into infidelity at their most vulnerable moments. These ones would need support and understanding to break free from their mistake.
The article already clarifies the fact that the world claps for a man who can lay more women but label a woman who does same - a slut. Especially in this part of the world.
ReplyDeleteI personally believe women should not condescend to swim in the same mud pit of iinfidelity. I don't think women were programmed to feel proud for sharing their bodies with multiple men at the same time except in the case of prostitution or perversion when the woman would have deadened herself to feminine virtue in order to meet certain needs.
Simply walk away from anybody who cheats on you. Even the bible prescribes it if you feel you can't take it anymore. Your life will be safer.
There are some though, men and women, who unintetionally fall into infidelity at their most vulnerable moments. These ones would need support and understanding to break free from their mistake.
Two wrongs don't make a right!
ReplyDeleteI always told my ex I would never condone cheating and would take a walk from even marriage once that happens until he told me about forgiveness. Sigh*
I wouldn't let it slide, I would just rant, rent and forgive. If he continues, I would give up on the marriage and let go. Sex is spiritual, you can't keep heaping foreign spirits into our home just cos you can't keep your fly zipped!
Nawah
ReplyDeleteI once caught my hubby cheating on me with 2 different women. The experience was so traumatising that I lost mypregnancy and bled for 2 weeks. (I'm still nursing to leave him though whenever I'm emotionally strong enuff to do that).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, he apologised and promised to make d relationship work. I reached out to both ladies and what I found out really shocked me. I'm still in shock. He promised one of them marriage and told her we were not married.
As a form of revenge, I found solace in a friend abroad. He is a divorcee with 2 kids he feels we can start sumthg with my kids and his. We would chat, he would call. With that I was able to let go. One day, he sent me 500k and hubby saw d alert. He went ballistic and called me all sorts of names. He even asked for explanation and did not give any. I only said I've not slept with him. He replied if sum1 can give u this amount, he can sleep with u anytime he comes into the country.
Within me, I was happy. Now he know two can play the game. Since then he has buckled up but I know he will still cheat. And when he does, I shall leave without looking back.
I had to go anon on this. Thanks for reading!
Sharp woman. Your head dey the game sha.
DeleteCorrect.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI rather walk out or stay and manage the situation because if you start you turn to a nag. But retaliating by cheating back is not a right move or step. With prayers one day he would get tired or grow out of it.
ReplyDeleteWith prayers? Well not saying prayers don't get answered but babe forget it in this case my childhood friend's mum prayed till she died and nothing changed. Now that she's dead the man has even become a full blown version of what his wife was praying against.
DeleteI would just walk away but I know I can also retaliate without batting my eyelid
I think I'm on that move now,but I'm not really gonna cheat in return. Once I find my man,i mean my own man I will cling to him and forget the worse cheat I have ever seen. Would have opted for an eye for eye treatment, but I won't do that because I know he will meet his waterloo soon and have a taste of his own medicine. It's actually going to be his loss anyways... Trying to get all the ordeals behind me gradually.
ReplyDeleteI never marry but one thing I know is that if you cheat on me in a marriage n ure unrepentant...I'll leave. cheating on my own part is like cutting off my nose to spite my face. doesn't help me and doesn't help the guy in question too. but some guys are deadly o...they'll cheat as if their lives depends on it.tueh!
ReplyDeleteWhy go tru d stress of cheating on him cos he did cheat? Two wrongs don't make things right. I'll just leave jare, done that bfre and will still do if it ever happens with my man now. I'm too good and can't share.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in an eye for an eye cos it means stooping so low to their level.
ReplyDeleteJezz I just had dis issue yesday with my fiance, he is sleeping with a lady in my church...and our wedding is in Nov, the lady felt use and was raining abuses on him yesday online and I saw it...how do I get it off my head? how do I face this lady in church tomorow? Is dia any possibilities he will change? I just feel like calling it off already,,,, he is just a Dog....and dis same Man called a male friend of Mine asking him to stay away from me.."innocent man oo" I HATE him right now...am I must revenge Lovingly sef
ReplyDeleteCall the wedding off and report to Pastor. Let the dog learn his lesson.
DeleteIn Europe once the women find's out their DH is cheating they divorce you ( most ) In Nigeria the so called married ones will start cheating codedly just so they can still be called married women..SMH.
ReplyDeleteI believe in retributive justice. I treat you exactly how you treat me. You cheat, I cheat and we continue. Everyone is happy. . ..
ReplyDeleteCorrect woman, your head is there jor.
DeleteHmm! I ve a different view on this cheating of a thing. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong when a man tries to ease off tension by just playing/flirting around once in a while. I can't tell my hubby this but he knows inside him that I don't suffocate him. I mean, I give him space n he doesn't abuse it. Sometimes, work pressure, societal pressure, pressure from kids could make one feel like playing around just to gain sanity back. I luv my hubby so much so does he but I free him sometimes jor. if everybody will come in terms with me that we all need to flirt around sometimes it keeps both body n soul together cos this thing called marriage can be boring atimes. *my humble and sincere opinion*I will go on anony mode cos my hubby visits dis blog most weekends.
ReplyDeleteMadam r u serious,so u r okay with ur husband flirting to ease tension. How do u ease ur own tension? Na wa o,or u ppl r in an open rlnship? If it is an undastanding BTW u ppl dt it is open den kudos to you. U don't even need to hide ur opinion towards him having girlfriends. Since u r okay with it.
DeleteRubbish......if they tag me slut nko how will that kill me? So if you love your man you will not cheat back? What a stupid and sexist comment.....so the men love us that's y they cheat abi?....am waiting for the next toaster to start an affair cos hubby's cup is full.....cheating on me serially for the past 10 years....he has said he is no longer interested in the marriage and has moved out.....am getting used to him gone and honestly can't give a toss about being faithful anymore...he refused to get a formal divorce and I won't be the one to ask for one.....he comes often to visit the kids and I just treat him cordially....while I have forgivin him for all the affairs and current one he is having am waiting to see karma bite him so hard in the arse and balls....men if u ever think u can mistreat a woman and go free then think again, one way or the other you will regret it and get paid back in your won coins....
ReplyDeleteI caught my bf of 2 months pants down in bed with a girl he was sleeping with. I was so shocked I gave him several resounding slaps. We parted for 4 months and he even slept with several random girls thereafter and even got into supposedly serious relationships that did not last. Then he came pleading thereafter and I was yet so in love with him. Thankfully we both learnt from that saga and to God be the glory, its 4 months ago and our traditional marriage holds next week. I love you Chi boy. Christy
ReplyDelete@ Anon 20:18
DeleteIt's a good thing you guys got back together! But pls be ready for the next cheating episode because he knows you will always accept him back whenever he cheats nd that's how the cheating will go on and on.
U are a fool daz why he ended up with u..U are a mugu! Brainless girl..He will continue cheating after marriage..Dont bring ur yeye chronicle here for us to read.U see fire and u want enter just to bear Mrs title..I pity u.
DeleteMy dear, OYO is your case. A cheating man will always cheat. Sha plead with him to always use condoms, otherwise na HIV he go dash you as wedding anniversary gift!
DeleteVery stupid comment
DeleteMe ke. I don tire to dey do good wife. I have endured series of cheating from my husband,even after 2 children even his family support him tribalistic church rats ,now, I gat my own side boo and can't wait to have sex with him again abeg. I nor fit to scream walahi.
ReplyDeleteThe oloshos he dey go fuck outside, give them 5k, 10k nah toto them get-me too get my own! I go use my own wisely get car, house, big big money. Dey dia dey feel like local champion. I'm off to the gym to get ready for tomorrows press ups with side boo!
Anon21:18,
DeleteMake u de fear ooh.with this ur blatant lies .U wan go gym by which time of the day ?
It seems u are FAT.
Lol@ MM
Delete@Anon 21:26
The Lord is your muscle!
@money maker! You are the bigger liar. If you really make money and not a foolish ass loud mouth, you will know that some of us have gymnasiums at home. And can get in and out or spend the whole day in if we so desire.
DeleteDammit!
You are so razz! So only fat people go to the gym? You go come here dey form best human being out there- you bloody thrash!
And just in any case I am fat(which I'm not anyways)-na crime?
How about this? 60kg, 5ft 11" tall, 36-27-39 statistics! With this your fucking attitude, you will never get a wife as hot, sexy, beautiful, intelligent, witty and no time for shit as I am and probably fat as you might wanna foolishly say!
I am not fat... I am highly desirable even after dropping 2... That's why I gat several other men bigger n better than you on my case. Did I sound arrogant in my epistle? Yea?- that's how every comment of yours does too.
This your attitude is terrible-we know how idiots like you end up. Shebi na you holy pass? Mr. FAT!
Madam 1:22,
DeleteU lied when u said you are going to gym at 21:18.
To do what exactly ,na u kill Jesus Christ?
Every woman for here ,dey claim to be a "Bianca" .but I did see even "a single one" in the PH,Abuja and Lagos Sdk party pics.
And I know ur horseband is gbenshing outside bcos of ur rudeness .It is the only reason that will make a man to abandon his "sexy" wife and go for "oloshos".
To the married women and those in relationships
ReplyDeleteI haven't told hubby this but after this baby I am going to pay him back severally. he thinks he can brag to his friend on the phone without remorse that his side chick is crazy about him...as a sharp chick I recorded the conversation and had a friend translate for me.
ReplyDeletein other unrelated news, please ladies do not marry a man from another tribe that you do not understand the language...Men are wicked!
Anon 23:23,
DeleteWhat are you not doing right in ur marriage?
That's the dumbest advice anyone can give anybody.
What has language got to do with ur marital woes?
I really will never downplay my value for any man by allowing myself to go on a series of cheating sprees! If I'm in a relationship and he cheats! Fine! I'll feel bad but I'll get over it and move on. Spreading your legs in retribution would only go further to hurt and damage your self esteem sooner or later because in the end it's your vagina, it's your body count increasing, it's more demons you're bringing to yourself, all for one idiot who has caused you pain and you'll allow to cause you more pain. A man isn't the essence of my existence ibeg!
ReplyDeleteTruth be told, men cheat and will continue to cheat coz it's their Nature, 8 out of 10 men cheat, if he respect you enough to hide from you bless God, and don't think he's not cheating because you are yet to find out. .
ReplyDeleteI have discovered that those ladies that shout all around the place they can't condone cheating are the ones been cheated on the most. ..
If you are married and planning to walk out if you catch your husband cheating then be prepared to marry close to 20 men before your menopause, if you are planning to cheat back then prepare your kongo for shinning coz they will always cheat.
Some people will come to reply this and cuss me out while your men are out there cheatin. .. SMH for you. ......
Me ohh, I must fuck his boss. Infact what am I saying, I am already Fucking his boss. The lowest I get for each Fucking session is 500k cash. Haha. The laugh is on hubby. Gbenshing on local razz girl. No ass, bonga fish. With my curves, I will build an empire under his roof, divorce ke? No way, we are going to rumble in this jungle together.
ReplyDeleteI have a Jerkyl and hide personality. The Jerkyl one will say two can play at the game, do me, I do you,God no go vex. But the Hide side which is the good one has a voice of reason. It will say two wrongs can never make a right! Be patient, let him know you know what is going on and that he is cheating, but you have just decided to forgive him and give him a second chance. If he is unrepentant, leave. Never should a woman defile her body to get back at her man, you will only be sinning against God that says we should keep our bodies holy. Let God deal with him Himself, it is not your duty!
ReplyDelete