Saturday In House Gists.

The gists are plenty so i have divided into part one and two,part two will be posted as Sunday In House gist tomorrow.before you choose the winner,make sure you read both posts.
Senders email addresses are attached,if you want to pay up the 5k winning prize if they win,please contact them or me.

Thank you.

GIST NUMBER ONE

PANT WAHALA

  I grew up in a house where everyone knows and were interested in each

others business.So,there was this woman that we called Iya Tawa ologi

because she sells pap and whose husband worked as a trailer driver.We also

had a tenant that lived in one of the rooms (Dauda) who had a fiancee

(sisi kemi) that visits like 2 weekends in a month.

We noticed that whenever Iya tawa ologi comes to the house to sell pap she will spend close to 30 mins in Dauda's room,while some of us concluded they were

having an affair,the rest concluded that it was Dauda's Dvd player she always enjoyed watching which was always so loud whenever dauda was home.

     One beautiful morning,we woke up to a loud bang on our door,my

brothers and I knew it was trouble knocking so we hid at the back of

the door while my mum opened,the following conversation took place:

Mum: sisi kemi,kilode ti o fe ja ilekun mi (sisi kemi,why do you want

to break my door)

Sisi kemi: e ma binu land lady,e jo nibo ni ile iya tawa ashewo yen (I

am sorry landlady,please where is that prostitute,iya tawa's house)

Mum:se kosi? (hope no problem?)

Sisi kemi:mo fe da pata e pada (I want to return her pant)

she brings out a really big white pant while our mouths hung open. By now, other neighbours had started to gather and someone asked how she knew it was Iya-Tawa's pant,she said someone has been telling her about iya tawa and

Dauda's affair.They sha tried calming her down,she later went back to their room to shout at dauda again.

For almost a week,the pant hung on a tree opposite my house (one of the

children must have hung it there). Whenever we see her passing we will

shout "iya tawa,e wa mu pata yin o (iya tawa come and take your pant)

and run as fast as our legs could carry us.I think the shame became too much

for her because we later didn't see her for like two months before she

resurfaced again...

monolande@gmail.com

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GIST NUMBER TWO

CAUGHT PANTS DOWN IN DUBLIN

Maximum greetings to you Stella and fellow BVs.  I get one story wen I wan give una although I no need the money so if I win, give am to the next person wen need am.

You see wen I new enter jand ehh after the whole aduro process na you no say na hostel dem go put you.  So na so I come dey hostel oo naim one of my friend come say one club dey wen dem for dey catch matured oyinbo women wen fit pay.  Na so I come say I dey interested ooo come follow my friend go this club for center of Dublin.  

Stella true to this guy words ehhh na so matured women full the place no be small..  As a young guy na wen just new enter abroad naim my body begin hot ooo.. I come see one woman begin toast.  This woman sha no bad ooo as she come with her friends.  I come dey with am and her friends so the woman come dey buy me drinks ooo come dey code for her friends.  Small time she go carry me go conner go dey kiss me but she go dey pretend for where her friends dey.  Na so we come play hide and seek ooo until club come close.  

the woman say she wan f**k but I no get house and no where to carry am go chai and my prick don raise no be small and na so the woman body dey hot like fire..  To cut long story short, she come discharge her friends come carry me enter taxi say make taxi just dey drive around.  Na so taxi begin drive around ooo me and her dey back dey do serious make out ooo..  Fingering tins and all..  Na so body hot the woman soteyyyy she come vex say make we go her house. 

Na so taxi carry us go her house oo come sufry tiptoe enter the house wen dark come enter kitchen come begin dey fuck ooo... I come raise am put ontop the cabinets for kitchen begin hammer this woman ooo.  My people una know as woman wen never f**k for long time dey do naa wen dem see better black pr**k lol..  As I dey hammer this woman, na so she lose her head oo begin shout  come dey scatter everytin for the kitchen cabinet ooo all the spoons begin fly every where..  

Stella as I dey wan cum ooo naim light just on once kpa... 

 As I look to check wetin dey happen naim I see one man just stand there...  The man just look like person wen he soul don run leave..  O boy see gobe ooo. Na the woman husband just stand there.  And my jeans dey my ankles.  As the man eyes move naim I follow the direction of he eyes naim I see say na knife the man eye go. As he wan move, with my jeans still on my ankles, na so I dive the man ooo we begin struggle for ground.  I come manage escape the man as I dey wan run open door, naim the woman children come still block the door ooo..  My God I don enter one chance.  I jam dem comot for road come dey struggle with my jeans for outside na so the man run come out with the knife ooo..  

My fellow BVs na God save me dat faithful day ooo I still come manage escape for street for area for Dublin wen I no even know were I dey..   Na so I come see one taxi I come flag am down come lie to am say dem kidnapp me make he help me go police station for city centre ooo..  Na so I come fit dey survive reach hostel oooo..  My people dat na my story ooo...  I get many like dat oo during my playboy days wen I go share with una..  Until next time, stay blessed.

Cashman...

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GIST NUMBER THREE

BORN AGAIN SISTER AND CONDOM

Just remembered this now, got me laughing real hard so I thought to

share perhaps I will win the 5k...

During my 100 level days in school I stayed in a 2 storey building hostel.. It happened that we had issues with our drainage at a time so they had to open all the soak away..

This faithful day I was in my room alone upstairs.. The Lady directly

under my room happen to be a "Conc S.U." as they were clearing the

soak away those clearing heard a flush from her room and behold they

saw a condom life and direct in front of them in the opened soak

away.. Mean while my dear sis in the Lord was in the room with her

dear "Bro in the Lord/Boyfriend" and she still claimed the condom

didn't come from her room but from my room cos we share the same pipe.

I sha heard my name from my deep sleep and a knock on my door, peeps

came to investigate and found me deep asleep.. Sis in the Lord still

claimed it wasn't from her room sha. Perhaps they were having a prayer

session and the problems in their lives was flushed out through the

toilet as a condom... Shame no let Bro in the Lord comot our hostel

till dead in the night.... Hope you opened your teeth and didn't waste

your time reading this... ..

Stellaobase@gmail.com....

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GIST NUMBER FOUR

SHIT GOT REAL

My fellow BVs how una dey?...Most of us Nigerians have prejudice

against a particular ethnic group or tribe which somehow determine how

we judge people from that particular group.This gist is about such

preconceived notion getting real.It happened during my service

year,after orientation camp I was posted to a remote village in Ikot

abasi,Akwa ibom state.

Before I got to my PPA I was told that the community is notorious for its different species of snakes,chaiii..na so afraid start to dey catch me cos I hate snakes like crazy.Got to the community,rented a one room apartment in a compound housing different corpers,it was like a corper's lodge.As JJC wey I be na,I say make I introduce myself to the other corpers na there wahala

start.

I am from this awesome place called Mbaise in Imo state and

anywhere I introduce myself most people always have one negative thing

or another to say about mbaise people,I know am an awesome person so I

never shy away from telling people am from mbaise no matter what their

thoughts are because I know what I can do and what I can't.That was

what played out that day in the midst of my fellow corpers.But one

particular guy,Andy who happens to be my next door neighbour carry the

matter for head like Gala.He was like; 'hian mbaise people wey

wicked,guy shey you see dis community wey snakes plenty if I see snake and

mbaise person I go kill the mbaise person leave the snake'..I was like

'guy calm down na,why the thing come dey pain you like that?mbaise

person don wicked you before?

He said no but that was what he heared..That day marked the beginning of torment for me in the hands of Andy,I no fit drink water drop cup andy must talk with reference to mbaise.And unfortunately for me he was this kinda guy who talks like a girl and me na the quiet type.I endured Andy's wahala praying for him to pass out cos he was one batch ahead of me.

But you know hw God always does his things;he will always intervene in the captivity of his children and turn around the captivity of zion.Since Andy was like a monitoring spirit monitoring me,my God visited him.The doors in our

separate rooms where somehow short and doesn't overlap with the floor

well so we normally cover the floor with a piece of cloth so snakes

won't crawl into our rooms.One hot thursdays afternoon Andy's fowl

laid cooked egg,while rushing for his final clearance he forgot to

cover the little gap between his door and the floor and one sexy black

snake crawled into his room...

I came back frm work that afternoon with hunger wey dey wire me because allawee was delayed;una know how allawee dey delay when any batch wan pass out na,na so the thing be dey do me so I jejely lie down for my bed and hunger-induced sleep carry me..For my dream I start to dey hear serious banging on my door;'guy open door abeg snake don enter my room',and the voice was

Andy's voice..

the guy nearly break open my door that was when I woke

up and realised it wasn't a dream but real life.I opened the door and

saw Andy sweating profusely and panting 'guy one big black snake don

enter my room abeg find stick come help me kill am.This is a fun fact

about Andy; the guy no get liver at all so he uses his mouth to

compensate for his lack of strenght most times..He was pushing me

towards his room to go kill the snake while hiding behind me,I was

just gazing at him speechless..'Oboi go kill the snake na you dey look

me like mumu' he said..

so I asked him,'Andy have you suddenly forgotten am from mbaise and more harmful than any snake?you want make I enter your room now so you go kill me leave the snake abi?abeg I no wan die,go stay with your friend inside your room,snake na your friend.na so I enter my room leave Andy and his buddy the sexy snake.

Chaiiii,I no ever believe say Andy with en big belle fit beg and

even cry join am;guy abeg na,no mind all those things I be dey talk

all na joke,as I hear people dey talk am na so I follow dey talk,abeg

I no go insult mbaise people again.abeg come help me cos I no fit

enter that room again.So I promised to help him on the condition that

he won't ever mention what he hasn't experienced about me nor where am

from.So I looked for a long stick and killed the snake,left it in front

of his room and told him to go give his friend a befitting burial.

My people from that day Andy stop to dey yarn rubbish o and everyone was

surprised but he made me promise not to tell anyone

especially the female corpers how he cried and begged..The morale of

the gist is stop saying what you don't know nor have experienced

before you learn the hard way like my guy Andy. #SayNoToPrejudice

Okoriejude1@gmail.com

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GIST NUMBER FIVE

PISS

Hi Stella, how is you?. This gist happened when i was in school. I had a neighbor who was fond of urinating in the nite. She had a used paint container which she urinates in and kept beside her door outside, she disposed it at daybreak. One Friday, her bobo came to spend the nite. At about 6am, we heard screams, this babe and her bobo were fighting. We moved to separate them and find out the cause.

Well, bobo woke up before day break and decided to wash his face before leaving. He checked inside the room, no water, he then opened the door and saw some 'water' inside a paint container, took it outside and washed his face. He had catarrh so he could not smell, when a drop of the supposed water entered his mouth and it tasted salty, he decided to wake his babe up and ask her. The babe answered by asking him if he didnt hear her open the door several times to bring in that container and peed inside. The thing pain my guy well well and we didnt set eyes on him again since that day.

adiamax.well@yahoo.com

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GIST NUMBER SIX

WON TI MU MI LO OOOH

So my gist is about the last time I went for post UTME in ilorin 2012...

I boarded a bus from oshodi around 6pm,sat on the third row and the bus took off...

Along our journey I noticed a woman on the first row was buying almost everything sold in traffic,from plaintan,coconut chips,cold lacasera and cup cakes to kokoro egba(a snack made of maize)...

Then we got to ibadan toll gate,she then decided to buy Eyin awo(Garden egg) like 200naira worth and started eating and that was where our predicament started...

This woman started farting from ibadan to ogbomosho,anytime she farts she murmured a sorry ooo to everyone in the bus who are mostly students...

Around 9:30pm we were on an express leading to gere alimi(the first bus stop once you enter ilorin) and then the driver said he wants to change one of the tires so we all got down,some guys & girls went to urinate in a nearby bush beside the bus,the woman eating everything crossed to the other side because she said she needed privacy to pass her fieces,I got down too to stretch my legs & look for network....

Some of the people who went to urinate where on their way back to the bus when we all heard the woman shouting Egba mi ooo won ti fe mumi lo(please save me they have come to capture me)

Ehn capture ke,that was how some of us ran into the back of the bus,some guys switched on their torches,one particular guy was still urinating when he heard her shout and bros never urinate finish naso bro zip up the urine run come bus urine come dey drop inside bus...

Everyone was scared to go check the woman who hasn't come out from the bush,so one igbo guy volunteered to go check only for him to discover it was bush rats eating the kokoro inside the woman's trouser when she bent down...

She later got into the bus and we continued our journey laughing till we got to ilorin...

tobiahstosin@yahoo.com

Good luck to all the gisters!