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FRIENDSHIP BROUHAHA

So I have this friend. We met in my first week in Uni and we were in the same class. This was over 10years ago. We stuck like glue. Temperament wise, I am Choleric-Melancholic, while my friend is a core Phlegmatic. Maybe with a little Sanguine traits. We are very different from each other in a lot of ways but we stuck like glue because we both understood our differences and we seldom argue or quarrel. We just find a way to blend. 

Prior to graduation, I was very close to a third class because my results were messed up in 100L - trust Naija. I eventually had to rewrite half of my 100L courses again after my whole family came and demanded for my result from the VCs office and made a case that didn't eventually yield fruits. You see, my scripts were misplaced and my results came out 'incomplete' even in courses that my name appeared on my registration sheet and fellow classmates testified that I wrote with them. Maybe Na witches for my mama or papa village do me. Lol. I carried over 7 100L courses, of which it was only one course I honorably failed. 

The rest were misplaced scripts and all that. I was so lucky that my other grades were good and I didn't spill that year. It was a trying time for me I cried myself to sleep every night and dried up. I eventually repeated my pre-IT year in school. I buckled up and re-wrote those courses. Put extra effort in subsequent years and I still made a 2:2. My friend didn't have all these issues, but she repeated the pre-IT year with me. And came out with a 3rd class. We did everything together, even studying. So I don't know how things happened as such. But God knows. 

During NYSC, She was posted to a good oil state and I was posted to a dead zone. Lol. Somehow I applied for my redeployment to Lagos where I live with my parents and that caused me 3 extra months with NYSC and I lost my pre-NYSC job to office politics. But I didn't mind. After NYSC we both didn't get jobs on time. My friend was too discouraged by her 3rd class to send her CVs out. I kept encouraging her and giving her examples of ppl I know who got same and are doing well. But she was always moody and all. She doesn't live in Lagos by the way. So someone offered me a job in the state she lives in. Although I didn't have a job at the time, I knew my friend needed the job more and me being a stronger person would always be fine. Her  parents had just retired from civil service at the time and she being an 'Ada' needed to step up her game financially. So I declined the job offer because of location and nominated her. She went for the interview and got the job instantly. We were happy. 

After sometime, I got a job. And honestly God has been good to us. I'm very pushy Stella. So I really do try. My friend on the other hand is always very relaxed. She's very good with sewing and fashion designing. She has sewing machines in her House and I send my fabrics all the way from Lagos to get to sewn. She never disappoints. I asked her that if she can make out time to do it as a side business, since she lives in a smaller town and her job is 9-4/5pm. I wanted to bring the funds to rent shop and she can get the machines to the shop and we can come to some sort of agreement. She did her findings and we discussed. But at the time, I started saving for my masters abroad. So I had to put that project on hold. Although I know she can single handedly fund it with her salary, but I guessed she had responsibilities and didn't wanna ask too many questions out of respect for her space - She's 3 years older than me too. 

Recently, we really don't talk as often. Cos of how busy we get. 20-30 minute phone calls, once in two weeks. And whatsapp chats like twice or thrice a week. But we are both updated on current developments in each other's lives. 

The other day I put a call across to her to update her on the status of my masters program. After listening, she said there's something she has to tell me. She started telling me how she still doesn't understand how I graduated with a 2:2 and she graduated with a 3rd class when almost all our grades were the same. That she thinks there's something else to it - maybe me sorting or sleeping with a lecturer.  That why would someone she's so close to do such to her. (Like WTF?!!)

  She went on to say how I neglect her and I'm making new friends in Lagos. That I should remember she was here before these people. That me and her agreed  on something and even when she updated me I haven't spoken about it since then, making her look stupid for doing all her business findings. That me I left her in this small town when I know very well that she would function better with her technical skills in Lagos. That me I travelled to Dubai, I didn't even look for a way to include her. That she told me her current job (which I helped her get) is getting too boring for her and she won't mind leaving the job and me I brushed it aside. That friendship is not about today it's about tomorrow. And I should better remember that. Bla and bla.

I was actually surprised, because we both have individual friends even though we are friends. I thought that bit was childish. Secondly, on the school matter. I told her that I am not the exams officer that if she feels our results were manipulated she can go and make a case with the school and clear her doubts. That I have my transcript (which I emailed to her the next day) and the computations are as is on my records. On the move to Lagos issue, I told her I stay with my parents. If I was staying on my own I would have obviously encouraged her to live with me. But seriously I don't want issues in my family house.

On the business issue, yes I was wrong not to have gotten back to her that I had to attend to other issues instead. But as my friend from way back, I think she should have understood that I was planning other stuff. She didn't sound convinced by any of my explanations and basically hung up on me on a very flat note and we haven't spoken since then. 

I really don't know how to handle this friendship again, because I really think I've tried. I have my own issues everyday and I don't bug her. Except once when I was seriously broke in this Lagos that I had to ask her for a loan, which I paid back the end of the month. I also feel she looks at me like the magician who has everything covered because I'm the tougher person. And I should always step in and carry her along like 'show her road' and I've never really minded. But this recent outburst has thrown me into deep thoughts. 

I hate to look at my friend as a bad or jealous person, because she's not. I really do think she needs to find her own voice, because she actually does have everything to enable her - a comfortable job and a very good technical skill. We are growing older and we need to build individual lives. And I honestly would be excited if she makes progress from where she is. She is my friend and I would always wish her well. 

Please, my fellow BVs, have I really been a bad friend? Or is there something I'm not doing right? Or should I just let her be on her own for now? How can I even help her way of thinking without even hurting her feelings? 

Stella Thank you o jare!