Saturday In House Gists

One of these gists got me laughing so hard i almost ran outta breath...mad funny!

Let me add that 'Nepa don take light' won last week

Join me on the famous SDK couch as you laugh away 

GIST 1

WAEC CUSTOMER BEATEN BLUE BLACK BY MASQUERADE

This gist happened to me sometime ago. It started when I was writing exam in order to get a one sitting O level result, infact the failure was too much that waec named me their customer. I wrote waec in different states ranging from Anambra, Edo, Enugu and Ebonyi. The worst experience I had was that of Ebonyi in one typical bush village. They had one stupid tradition they celebrate their masquerade a week. So that fateful day, I packed my bags as if I was going for waec pilgrimage, reached one village named Mgbo, reluctantly rented one smelly hut for 4k each with about six other strange girls who came for same thing too. 

I lay down to rest cos I started having fever after the long stress while the other gals left to watch masquerade. Before I knew it, they all rushed into the room saying one of the them troubled one of the masquerade and so they closed the door and waited for the masquerade to leave not knowing he was still there. 

After sometime, they opened the door only for the masque to rush inside, before I could turn around to see what was happening, they have all ran away leaving me with the demon. Omo the masque started beating me black blue purpel red and pink.

 I had to jump through the window, of which he landed with me and continued the beating, it got to a point I had to pretend to faint. Eeeh the heavy lashes woke me from my pretence. I stood shouting like a crazy dog until my voice attracted the local villagers to help me. I nearly lost my eye, if you see my body jeez omoo I had to abandon the exam and go home. I couldnt explain to people what happened to me while some concluded I was beaten by a boyfriends gal. But today hmmmm God has been awesome.

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GIST 2

KIM K SPOTTED IN ABUJA

As I dey read other people own, lemme also share my own.

Na so I go abuja passport office the other day. As I was about to enter the room before they call us for data capture, I just see one big bobby inside net top. The babe dey back me but the view was still clear. Omo.

 I never see that kind thing for town before. And the babe dey so bold as to expose everything with all confidence, come carry scatter scatter blonde weave on. I say shoo! Kim Kardashian dey Abuja? I move close, I siddon. My sister sef follow for back dey come. 

I call my sister attention say make she look wetin I see. My sister sef shock.

Small time, they start to dey call names, I no put mind. I just see say Kim Kardashian don stand go front. I say Ope o! I go see the full view when she dey return. Na so she turn around, I come see say na Cossy Orjiako.

I say shoo! Me sef for don know say na only she get that size for Nigeria.

Lmao!

But seriously ladies. Y'all need to tone it down a little. That was excessive exposure for a simple visit to the passport office, celebrity or not.

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GIST  3

BONING IN LAW

My gist goes this way anyways pardon some of my typo's and some mistakes..

My wife's kid brother got a little accommodation problem and he came to stay with us, I was happy because I love this young man very much but before I agreed to allow stay with us my wife warn me not to cos she said when him go show him real character nor call me put oh cos I sabi ma broda pass you. I didn't listen to her I thought that's one her wahala. 

So as times past bobo show him real character he would be sad the moment he comes into the house and when he goes down stairs he plays with everyone. He's eye-service nor be here and when he comes to the house on weekend na so he dey bone us for our house oh. We go toast am like babe to eat everyday and am already tire of his attitude becos he go come dey disrespect my wife.

So one Sunday we couldn't go to church nor money I was broke, wifey pregnant and she's hungry I don even come tire to look her face cos she don dey get pepper body already. Na so my wife kids bro wake up dey bone face as usual. So I took my phone to call few friends to come through for me, while I was busy making this call my wife's kid bro didn't even say bros I hear say you nor hold bar shey una go manage this 1k or 5h take arrange even if na potty rice(lol). He sat there listening to every calls I placed to friends and a friend outside the country came through(I Love my friends that travelled outside with their token). 

So I rush to the market got everything I needed wifey said she want to prepare jollof rice party style so we started the process bros nor show he nor help oh he just dey for the other room dey form boning. So prior to the time wey d rice go ready me don knack better tetrazzini bread and moi moi take hold belle so when d rice ready he sweet well well I nor come fit eat.

So wifey ate little food and I was so happy bros nor dey follow us talk oh I come say for morning we go sama this food b4 me carry my busy body go find daily bread. So ma wife go tell him broda say rice dey o. He answer him normal stupid way so I sat down close to my wifey while we watch some new cds we just got. Na so the kid broda enter inside kitchen pack the rice plenty if you see my face you go pity me I don vex die ma wife just dey laff me, thinking say he don eat finish na so bros go carry more again eat then I don vex tire I come lock up na.

So he left the living room to hes room and was sleeping, I normally don't use our own bedroom toilet bcos the shower is kinda slow and this my wife broad  dey smoke anything, As I step close to open the door to enter hes room na so e rush wake shout HEY HEY.......... Me I no send bcos he chop rice wey em nor contribute to, so as I dey piss na I nor bother close the door cos he shout HEY HEY sleep back, As I dey piss I come mess one bad MESS na so him stand up again shout HEY HEY HEY......... come sleep back o me and my wife laff through the night.

Na my gist be dis ooo I nor say e nor funny.

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GIST 4

Akowe' and Brother Matthew

Good day to you, Stella. I bring you this story as e dey hot for my area. You will agree with me that the first thing that comes to mind when you hear that passengers jump out of a parked vehicle at the car park is due to fire outbreak. Well, in this case it is not so. It is something else. Join me as I break it down. Lol.

Brother Matthew (a new neighbour in the area) woke up very early on Monday morning to catch up with an appointment scheduled for 8 O'clock. Broda was dressed in his 'blazer' suit and was 101% sure that the appointment will go well.

 Brother Matthew was fortunate enough to run into me that morning and I passed a compliment about his fine self but didn't forget to warn him not to pass through the 'Round about'. In my words 'Bro bro. Dis one wey you fine so, abeg no pass the round about o'. He laughed. He never asked why. He thought I was teasing him coz of girls in the area (Broda likes girls no be small. Lol).

Fast forward, He passed through the 'round about', got to bus stop and entered into a bus. As soon as he entered into the bus while the conductor called passengers in, Brother Matthew was lobbying for the window with other passengers in a bid to run for his life.

What exactly happened?

'Akowe' (Yoruba name for the learned) is a very dirty lunatic in my area. From the story we heard about 'Akowe', he became mentally derailed as a result of being duped by some men in 'suit' who claimed to have come from the USA to help him invest his money in some kind of business. These fraudsters made away with all his life savings hence 'Akowe' lost it. As a result, anytime he sees any person dressed in 'suit', he would chase such person even to the 'bottomless pit'

'Akowe' saw Brother Matthew and trailed Brother right to the Car Park. As Brother dey waka, people dey smile at him. In his mind, he had thought he was too fine for the day. He didn't know that they were waiting to see the 'stunt' that 'Akowe' was about to pull that morning. The moment he stepped into the bus and headed for the back seat so he would not be stained by other passengers, Akowe followed suit. All other passengers fled. He realised the mess he was when he saw 'Akowe' (a very dirty looking lunatic) coming for him.

What baffled me was the way Brother Matthew ran into the street. Everyone laughed as 'Akowe' chased Brother Matthew pass his house. People begin to shut their door once they see Brother Matthew and Akowe coming. What saved Brother Matthew was the only compound whose gate was left open.

I asked Bro Matthew yesterday when next he will put on that 'blazing' suit. He said 'Your father!'. Eheheh.

Make I go call his attention to SDK. He will be here to read his story. Make I stop here. Coz I know he go keee me when he reads this. Eheheheh.

Have a blessed weekend, everyone!

And remember, when next you are dressed in that stunning outfit. Make una watch your back because you might just come across an 'Akowe'. Lol. You won't say I didn't warn you. Eheheh.

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GIST 5

EKU IGBADUN

Okay so I just remembered this gist. Happened to me way back, just after high school.

Here goes:

So my bobo of then came over to celebrate his birthday with me, fortunately no one was home so we had our little party of two at home. I bought him a gift which I kept in my sister's room.
There were some bottles of teezers at home so we just sat on the couch gisting, drinking our teezers and making out with him angrily chewing away on my ni**les when I suddenly heard my name from the gate. 

Shit shit shit!!! 'That's my mum' I said to him as I pushed him towards my big sister's room and told him to hide behind the door. I quickly ran outside noticed his shoes which I quickly flung into the flowers and went with my heart beating violently to open the gate for my mum. I was surprised she didn't notice my unease. She stepped into the sitting room and noticed the drinks, she went 'ahan... Iwo nikan tan... ku igbadun' and went into her room to pick up some stuff she forgot. Did I mention that the room Bobo was hiding was opposite my mum's? Well it was! So as she stepped out, she noticed the gift on my sister's bed and entered the room. I just used style style block the back of the door where Bobo was sweating like a Christmas goat. She asked me who had the gift and I told her my sis told me to help her wrap it. She dropped it, and left the room and then Left home eventually.
Come and see how Bobo was panting and sweating when I went back to tell him my mum had left ehn... Trust me, it wasn't funny then.
But come to think of it, what's the worst that could have happened if we were caught?

Please as from now on,if you send gist,include your email address at the end so that all gists will be published with email for easy communication and to give others easy access to the winners.

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