This man is confused and needs you to help him out!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
LONG DISTANCE MARRIAGE COMPLICATIONS
Dear bvs,
I really need your advice. I am a man in his mid 30s married to a woman in her early 30s,we have been blessed with a daughter(5yrs old).
I met my wife when she was schooling in Nigeria,she decided to go to the UK to further her education,we got married while she was still schooling and she got pregnant almost immediately,all through her pregnancy and after the birth of our child in the UK,I supported her financially as best as I could afford because she had difficulties working and coping with a new baby coupled with schooling overseas.
I asked her to defer her admission and come back home since she couldn't cope with a baby and school and my dad gave her 600k,I added about 200k and she started a saloon,things to her became rough because we couldn't afford luxury but we were eating and had a roof over our head. She stayed a year and convinced me she wanted to go back to finish her masters and also bring stuffs down to sell,I agreed,supported her,she even sold her car to buy ticket.
On getting to UK,immigration denied her the student visa based on fraudulent document submission and withheld her passport and other documents submitted(right now she is illegal).I asked her to come back,she said she could set her papers right,she needed time,she also asked me to send my daughter down to her to avoid her deportation and to enhance her chances since the kid was born there. I did this out of love..
Fast forward to the present ,its been 4years I have set my eyes on her,3years since she took my kid away,I support them monthly with 150pounds BUT right now I am tired,I asked again for her to come home,she said no, I told her it would mean divorce.
Two days later,she sent me messages saying she was ready to return but right now I don't think I want her to,I don't trust her anymore and I am afraid I might not be able to meet up to her standards since she keeps complaining I do not have enough to fend for her and our child..
I am confused,family members have different opinions,some said she doesn't love me and four years is too long to trust any woman alone in UK. I wanted to stop the 150pounds I send monthly maybe to even get my bearing and save more to meet up but she refused saying I am obligated to take care of a child not in my custody but abroad. please help me make a decision,we haven't lived together for more than a year during this 5years marriage so I feel I hardly know her.
Those who come equity,do so with clean hands....CHECK YOURS!
What exactly are you afraid of?you dont trust her because you suspect she might have or is sleeping with someone in the UK?....You might be right because for some people body no be firewood but then again you might be wrong because for some a vow is a vow...
Give her anther chance to come home and if it doesnt work out,at least you will know that you tried.Some people who have lived abroad for long find it hard to accept the backwardness back home when they return.
Are you in a relationship?In the four years she has been away,have you dated?
Oga use your tongue to count your teeth and welcome your family back home.
Mehhhhh,i have never been dis close...
ReplyDeleteLord protect ur children.
@poster,U will get wat u seek.
********LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*******
Get wht he seeks......how ?? You are just a fool. Otele oku kor....Amu nkapi
DeleteHahahahahahahahahaha!
DeleteEm jay ooooooo!
Sowie dear had to laugh.
You have never been this close to what?!!! Emjay! Enmjay! Emjay! How many times didI call u? Mind ursef and stop talking stupidly.
Delete@indigo,Wat stupid talk did she say? U re an idiot,mumu anno15:56,shebi na advice d poster dey seek for? Oloriburuku oshi. U must die on top her matter ohhh.
DeleteEm Jay Anon 15:56 is Okija Wife...
DeleteI just couldn't help it, hahahahaha..... Sorry, u guys shld leave her alone nah. Hahahahaha, always waiting to cuss her out. Stella u get characters here.
DeleteHuh? Was that a joke Emjay?
DeleteOga I totally understand how u feel. but pls permit me 2 ask, who's d man in ur relationship? Silly right? But it's important. Seem 2 me Uve always been d type that don't stand on his feet when it comes 2 making decisions cos all I read is I did dis out of love n did that out of love. Oga sending ur wife away 2 d UK 2 complete her studies is ok but letting her stay there illegally n seeing her condition u also parcelled ur child 2 her all in d name of one stupid paper is a big No 4 me. My dear open ur arms wide and welcome ur family but from d moment they step foot bk in ur home b a MAN. Do not always give her what she wants but what she needs. If ure not firm ur marriage will crash sooner than expected. Women, we re easily swayed and unless we ve a "Man"behind/beside us we tend 2 loose it most times. Don't blame her, blame u.
@ em jay, it's actually better to say "space booked" if you really need to comment first than to make a comment that has nothing to do with the issue being faced by the poster.
DeleteThis poster sounds like he is no longer interested in the marriage and not because he doesn't trust the wife, but because he has someone else.
Have you been celibate since your wife travelled?
If not, then what basis do you have for not wanting her back because you don't trust her?
Lmao d babe no send una!! She is commenting from another world entire. I luv her thick skin sha
DeleteLol
Delete@poster you are sitting down in Nigeria,writing to SDK instead of going to the UK to see for yourself what's going on. She has already gotten into trouble with immigration to the extent her passport was even taken from her. It's not going to be easy rectifying that issue. Travel to the UK and don't just sit down here jumping to conclusions. You've come to the wrong place to ask your questions meanwhile ALL your answers are in the UK.
DeleteEmjay emjay! I couldn't help but laugh out loud
DeleteLmao. What is this one saying?
DeleteIs this the longest advise from SDK?? Good one as always.. Goodluck to you Oga.. Errrm Emy baby..,, go back to finishing school
DeleteCorrect, all ur answers are in UK!aside from going to rectify the issues,u pay her a surprise visit since u said u don't trust her nymore.btw how come in 4YRS there was no day u went to visit them?seem to me u were the one enjoying the space to frolick,now u are tired or uv fallen in love with someone else,u suddenly wake up to try framing the poor woman up with something.pls fear God Oga; I say my own :'a vow is a vow to U!#sideeyes#
Deletehmmm. Sir pls stop making excuses and mend the broken bridge. we have enough broken homes already, do not add yours to the statistics. please.
DeleteTHE POTION!!
"Come and buy come and buy!"The Smallish buldgy eyed sales man was screaming into the Public Address System.
It was a little difficult to ascertain how many different fabrics made up the multicolored coat he was wearing.In front of the man was a large red cloth spread across the ground.
There were dozens of strange colored bottles strewn across the cloth. continue reading
Queen, the guy may not have a UK visa or the privilege to travel. Otherwise he won't wait this long without seeing his family. Presumably.
DeleteSir Poster. A lot is wrong with the narrative. When she was going to the UK, were u not involved with the processing of her student visa? If u were, then u prolly aided your wife to get a bogus student visa instead of the valid one. I can tell from the way u announced that bit in ur narrative, it didn't take u by surprise and u didn't query her for it, neither did u argue that the authorities made a mistake. So I take it as u both knew she was going there illegally. That said..
When her passport was seized, it means she cannot travel until she's cleared of her charges. You complicated issues by sending ur daughter to her. Because as a non British citizen, she couldn't have birthed that child legally in the UK.. Hence it would compound her case with the authority if they found out. How can she use the child as a bait to escape deportation? I'm certain the baby doesn't hold a UK passport, hence, no consideration would be accorded her becos of the child. How does she survive there? Is she working?
If she has agreed to come home, it means she's calling their bluff and will not be stepping foot in the UK again. Cos she'll return with a TC, if her passport is still with the home office. Is she ready to forfeit it? I think her marriage should be more important. Has she been able to complete her degree? Or she's just been wasting away in the UK?
You aren't sure u want her back? But it was u who set the standard for her, uv been in tune with her expenses and u also contribute monthly. So sir, what about her expectations is alien to u at this time? I think the problem is the trust issues. You have it in mind that she couldn't have been celibate for that long. But snap out of it and allow her come back, like Stella advised. Forget the 5years spent and start afresh...just have it in mind that the marriage is just about to start now for real..what u guys had before wasn't a marriage.
Unless there's more to it that u haven't shared, perhaps u don't love her anymore..?? just have a think through. Good luck
Just negodu
ReplyDeleteOga leave the woman there, no talk about divorce, do your own thing, anytime she is ready, she'll come back. The mistake you made is letting your daughter go.
DeletePoster, you sound like someone who has never travelled to the UK before but I might be wrong. Maybe you have travelled on a visitors visa so you won't really understand the intricacies of your wife and daughter living there as an illegal citizen.
DeleteAt the point where ur wife's visa was refused upon entry, she would have been put on the next flight home. Unless, she did not even apply as a student hence her false papers and the nature of visa she applied for afforded her the option of applying for assylum.
Living as an assylum seeker in the UK is one of the most demeaning lives any Nigerian can live. You have to adhere to strict regulations like not working, living in shelter, appearing as if you have no source of income, etc
I am even wondering how you 'smuggled' your daughter into the UK to be with her mom who is an illegal resident. It might even add fuel to fire if immigration realises.
Bottomline, it takes nothing less than 7-14years to regularize your stay in the UK if you enter illegally. Earlier on, your wife was probably adviced by people who did not have her interest at heart and decided to stay on waiting hopelessly but now she realises the end is nowhere in sight, she is willing to come home.
Just give her a chance and see how it goes. A lot of Nigerians living in the UK illegally never realise what they got themselves into until they get neck deep into the web of lies required to keep staying there and life leaves them behind.
Like Stella has said, please give your love a chance and for your child. Time flies abroad with all the sufferhead oh. And please stop listening to third parties, no matter how close, they don't know where the shoe pinches and they will still gossip behind your back. Your life is in your hands oh, do you also have guilty conscience? No matter how long, don't you know the woman you married?
DeleteShut up fool
DeleteI think you've already found someone else and now looking for an excuse to end your marriage. How can you say you don't trust her. Wetin she do you? I smell a rat here.
DeleteStella I beg to disagree with u on dis biko, I don't understand wat u meant by sayin people abroad fnd it difficult acceptin d backwardness back home, pls wat's so "forward" about UK biko? Hian,
DeletePoster1, accept ur wify den see if u people can continue where u stopped.
Asanwa, them dey take light for London? Dat wan no be forward?
Delete@just saying.. Exactly what I just typed up there. Wouldn't have bothered if I read ur comment ahead. Yes, I'm also worried she made a wrong move because the visa would have been scrutinized st the board of entry and not while in town. It could be that she tried to apply for something and that was were they found her visa to be a bogus one. The greatest mistake was sending the little girl again.
DeleteChai!
ReplyDelete4years is too long for any woman to stay away from her husband.
I dnt think she wants you anymore,
Keep sending the money atleast for ur baby's sake.
But now that she has agreed to come home, allow her and watch her for sometime, if you feel you can't anymore, then move on.
But husbands live apart from their wives for over decades and women are encouraged to welcome them back and continue from where they stopped.
DeleteThis woman is not committed to this marriage at all. 4 yrs is too long...if she values you she won't want to stay apart for that long...with the fear of losing you to another woman.
DeleteI think you should give her another chance.
DeleteShe must have asked for you to bring the kid as she had a better chance of having her stay since she had a child in the Uk but after 4 years without being successful I think she should return back to Nigeria especially since she has a husband in Nigeria.
Gbam!!! Iphie dearie don talk,I like d way u hammered d nail on d head,no need for story.
DeleteYou must be very stupid... Men leave their wives for years and heaven does not fall but now it's a woman you are talking rubbish.... Poster if u can't wait fuck off abeg....: she will meet another man.... Men are not superior beings to women so no big deal... Wetin u do wey we no go hear word? Have u being celibate since she has been away? Rubbish
DeleteNawa!!
ReplyDeleteOga forget your instincts and let her come home first, infact you are a Goodman aswear! Many men would ve gotten a second wife since but didn't, I applaud you for being such an understanding man!
I really do
To come back??? after she was threatened with divorce, she was having a jolly good time there and obviously didn't want to come back, OP should let her remain there, from what Op narrated he is not financially buoyant to maintain her life style, her coming back is likely to put Op into a lot of stress and strain their marriage, let her remain there till the Op gather enough and steady pepper to maintain her whenever she comes back.
DeleteNow, people think marriage is a contract?! Smh!
ReplyDeleteNa wa.. *phew*
ReplyDeleteNa real wah
DeleteNa wa o. Why is your wife comfortable staying so far away from her husband for so long. Besides it's not till you're abroad before you can make it in life there are so many opportunities in Nigeria. Your wife has something else she is doing there.
ReplyDeleteAnyway try talk to her and stop the monthly stipends you send to her if she refuses to come back with your child.
I am still trying to understand why she was so keen to go abroad without thinking about the strain it would have on her home besides you two should have tried to go together in the first place.
Y advice him to stop sending his child money? that's bad u know.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete*sure *friendship.
DeleteNa wah oh!!...
ReplyDeleteWhat is she really doing in that bored UK?...
Poster.go ahead with your threats...stop sending her the £150 let's see if she will change her mind and come home....
But if she dosent come home after every every,biko move on with your life...
English is not your friend babe
DeleteAbeg leave linda, shes trying, infact shes really trying compared to what she used to type few months back
DeleteHahahahahaha
Delete150 pounds x 300 naira is how much. let me guess N45,000 monthly. you have not seen her for 4 years and you dont trust her but you cannot go to UK and meet her. where do i come in from here. Oga do the needful.... hope you dont have another sisi by your side.
ReplyDeleteif you are man enough go to UK and see for yourself how she is faring. Dont tell her you are coming, surprise her and lets see.
come back and tell us why you are afraid she will catch you with another woman.
men men men
Always thinking with ur Anus? Does she ve 2 be over seas b4 he can cheat? Travelling 2 d UK na beans? Or did u read anywhere d poster said he was a money bag? Didn't u read how d woman manged 2 travel? Y waste so much 2 spy on a woman when he has a monthly duty of sending money 4 upkeep?
DeleteStella you re biig time feminist, sorry to say. How can she stay 3yrs straight without coming to see her husband.....what nonsense!!
ReplyDeleteArrant nonsense. But she did cos she married a "mumu" man.
DeleteGuy doesnt he know the way to the Uk? How can he stay 3 yrs without goin to see his wife? What nonsence
DeleteFeminist Blog
DeleteObinna you are an illiterate...bushman, did u read the article? If she wants regularise her papers how do u expect her to come home? Have u not heard of men who travel abroad and keep their women waiting? So it's only a woman that is good for suffer head? And u idiots all assume she must be cheating... So the man has not fucked any woman for four years? Thunder fire all of you... The man want to re marry someone else that's why he is talking rubbish....
DeleteHmmm, this one is a bit tough...
ReplyDeleteI suggest you allow her to return, who knows, things might start looking up.
4 the pass 4 years, haven't u slept with another woman b4? Please if she want to come back accept her back except u inlove with someone else.
ReplyDeleteConfused
Deleteeyaaaaaaah
ReplyDeleteoga, that one no be marriage na. you guys took some silly decisions, even before she was supposedly trapped there.
Imagine, selling off things to dash the stingy UK Govt that are not even so friendly with foreigners, all in a bid to make a better life.
Na wa oh, una no even get who dey advice una sef?.....i.e. people with experience who can project into the future using all possibilities, outcomes and checks and balances.
For every step you take in life, at least have some logically sound people who would assist you in thinking it thru. Nobody na superman oh.
Anyways, wetin you dey fear? welcome am back na. I know say you don scatter plenty pipo toto tire and you no trust say your wife go hold body too. Be strong my man. This is what you signed up for.
Poster get one side chic wey don the get the job done for him body.. So he doesn't see the point in having the wife back, thereby distorting the sweet arrangement. Poster, remember your vows, it's for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health till DEATH do you part.. Only death, not even divorce can separate a couple.
DeleteThank u. Very stupid decisions. Woman will just say something and d man own na just 2 support.
DeleteLolzzzz,pls change ur name nau,i kneel down dey beg sire.
DeleteLet them come back. Give her a second Chance.
ReplyDeleteLet her come back but if her demands are outrageous then u take ur decision as a man, hope u ve a spare car for her cos that will be d first demand, hehehehe marriage wahala.
ReplyDeletePoster.if she refuse to come back
ReplyDeleteGet visa,go to UK and see things for your self
Poster must b a stingy or poor man. Hr ddnt evn say if he attmpted to chk up on them. Sitting his black ass down nd feeln insecure.
DeleteU dnt av a problem....atleast u guys kept communicating for that four yrs...y wont u trust her?cos ur hands r full wit infidelity ryt?
ReplyDeleteShe nd ur child r ur family so drop all ur doubts nd welcome her wit love
See ur mouth like infidelity. Why should he trust her? After 4 years of separation? U must be high on crack
DeleteU are the one high on stupidity... If it was the man who travelled uma go beg her make she wait abi? His hands are not clean so he should fuck off joo
DeletePoster no one can advice you better than you can advice yourself. If you have the capacity to forgive her and live with whatever has happened then dp so if you don’t then let her go.
ReplyDeleteTake care of your daughter.
Meanwhile all these fraudulent Nigerians giving us a bad name
Knowing how long she has been away, it's only natural u feel this way. Since she has decided to come back, allow her and try to make things work so ur family can be whole.. I'm sure u had flings too nor lie.
ReplyDeleteWell truth is the love you have for her should be enough for you to take her back......since she's ready to come back home.
ReplyDeleteEeyah, poster. I feel you jare. But I think you should give her a 2nd chance at least for the sake of your daughter.
ReplyDeleteUK, UK... memories! *sigh* #Ogadinma
Let her come back first,then watch her actions towards you,then you can take your decision from there.
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all bro
ReplyDelete#GODWIN™
@ poster u didn't catch her with a man or hear rumours that she cheated, so what's the waorrye about, u sound like someone that has another girl somewhere and is looking for excuses to leave the marriage. Allow her come bk, give her a second chance, if she comes and u see she is cheating then u can ask for divorce but a also hope ur clean too.
ReplyDeleteDon't cloud your mind with something you never saw. Welcome home your wife and child with open arms. If there's anything fishy about her you will know in due time.
ReplyDeleteDon't cloud your mind with something you never saw. Welcome home your wife and child with open arms. If there's anything fishy about her you will know in due time.
ReplyDeleteNA UR CHOICE B DAT....TOMJERRYSWIT
ReplyDeleteNa wa..o cudnt u hav save up to visit them there just once? U want her back,she wants to come back,now u are confuse.oya free her na,allow her to stay there.have u been faithful for the period she's been away???
ReplyDeleteDear poster, If she wants to come back home please let her. As the UK immigration is getting tougher and tougher everyday. If your daughter was not taken out of the country after she was born it would have been a bit easier to get their papers.
ReplyDeleteThat's woman for us,everyone like good thing including me..lol
ReplyDeleteBut you hate good English
DeleteLol....nor be small
DeleteQuicksilver miss English,shut d gutter u call mouth,re u here to monitor wat pple writes,looking out for those u didn't cross their t(s),and dot their i(s),so whoever makes mistake,doesn't knw hw to speak or write gud english? Oya come and correct me,busybody,littering every where with useless comment,Anuofia.
DeleteYou are obligated to make it work, so let her come back and give it a go with all ur heart. Don't think about what may/may not have happened. She is ur wife(better or worse) and that's ur baby girl too. That's my take ooo, don't give up without trying.
ReplyDeleteLike you said....you haven't lived with her for more than a year and feel you barely know her. Well, this is your chance.....so what is it exactly ?
ReplyDelete--Are u scared of getting to know ur wife......?
---Do u want your fears to take over and forestall your chance at rekindling the love you guys once shared ???
----If u reject her home coming, then what next ???
----Do you have anything you are hiding which would be out of the bag if she returns ??
These are pertinent questions which you should bear in mind. My advice is this: Evryone deserves a chance, you might not know wht she's been through all this while in the UK.....she deserves a chance to come back and pls show her love when she does.....Donot pre-judge her. Love her and your daughter and while at it, any fear you've nursed would be visible, if dey truly existed.....time reveals the TRUTH, either good or bad. Wish you the best.
Li-yon Vls.
Welcome back..I missed you and your intelligent comments..
DeletePoster answer these pertinent questions. Lol
DeleteI no get time to type plenty...
#Like
Liyons.. I love you!! Male or female I love you!
DeleteStella, you are the realest woman on earth .
ReplyDeleteThis your advice is priceless.
I have nothing to add.
Danger Danger wahala dey
ReplyDeletewhy don't you want her anymore, have you also been faithful to her in the last 5years?
Do me I do you..........God no go vex.
Me Dnt support ur advice oh Mrs kork me.not dis time around.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm! He nids his wife back, from the story,he never bargained for distant marriage. What Oga nids is simple,wife,come back,no stories. He is a man and may be facing temptations from babes. Baby girl,come bk to ur hubby,u never read d book finish? U nid to spend quality time with ur husband.
Hmmmm, she might not be in any relationship or in any dirty thing over there. Just give her a chance nd if you notice anything den you can make your decision. Nd Mr, dint u do any shoki for 4years?.
ReplyDeleteDear poster as u have mentioned divorce now, she knows u mean business, please give her another chance, I'm sure she'll come back & be better. Besides the only reason u won't want to take her back is if uve been nutty urself. If u love her, u will try to make ur marriage work.
ReplyDeleteMr Man...Trust trust trust is missing here
ReplyDeleteOnce u stop trusting your partner, then the relationship has no bearing
I don't have anything to say to you....I am very sure,you have decided on what to do
But you men should know that a woman can tie her legs for years pretending to be a mermaid just to honour her marital vows...but you men,you can't do that, so u think its impossible for her to stay in London for that long without sleeping with another man
@Galore
There is nothing to be confused about.Be a man and welcome ur wife and daughter back home.Stop suspecting her becos some women can do without misbehaving with a man for 5yrs.She is not guilty anything.
ReplyDeleteI'm a man and I'll be advising you to let her go. Not because she might have slept with somebody in the UK, but because both of you don't have the same goals, plans and ideas about life. She looks like she wants something beyond what is obtainable in being married to you.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a tricky affair and the first few years are the hardest while the new couple adjust to each other and begin to discover things that would have been impossible to see without living together permanently. Already you guys have spent those first crucial years apart, so you probably don't even know her well.
Let her go but be a good supporter of your child and her where necessary. You only have one life to live.
He doesn't sound like he wants even his child. This man could have gone to the UK. But he chose to play the waiting blaming game. He's a fool for asking anyone's opinion.
DeleteIf she does return with a UK passport I wonder if he'll change his tune.
Lets be real, you have not been faithful for four years, you don't expect her to especially in an environment where she is struggling to find her feet.
ReplyDeleteYou guys did not plan your lives well before marrying. Your wife always wanted to live abroad and you have always wanted to live in Nigeria...how will that work?
I understand long distance relationships but long distance marriages are a No No. There are certain issues you have to discuss with your partner before you marry. Your dreams are different, your passions are different.
I can understand long distance marriage better, if one partner traveled for a year or a two year course but this, i don't.
What to do?
Find out if she has remarried or if she is living with someone.
Stop forcing her to come back to Nigeria if she doesn't want to, leave her to pursue her dreams.
You also have the right to move on with your life if she doesn't return.
The decision is yours to take.
And yes, you are supposed to keeping paying her some certain amount of money to take care of your child, it is called child support. It doesn't matter if you are together or not.
(I know Naija men hates that, no wonder Duncan Mighty had to be dragged to social welfare to provide that for his babymama).
Both of you can have shared custody of your daughter.
There is also spousal support but that will be stretching things for an average Naija man.
The decision is yours Sir. If you want to move on, it is in your hands. You have done nothing wrong according to your story.
XOXO MYSTERY
Life in the UK is not easy. I wonder why people want to die on top that place. That aside, Oga allow your family to come home. At least she went there a second time and seen that its still not rosy. It's only when she returns will you know whether she has changed or not. Distance if not careful can make or mar a relationship. Allow yours to come home and see if you guys can work it out. If not, well...
ReplyDeleteBut come to think of it, is it that you could not afford to travel to see them during the four years you didn't set eyes on them? If you could afford all these money you having been singing here, abi another woman tied you down here and warming your bed during those lonely nights? Talk true oh.
Stella, this is one of your best advice so far.....
ReplyDeletePoster, take stella's advice and your problem is solved.
I don't have anything to add.
#dropsmic
Oga poster, so you are planning to abandon your wife and innocent child for no good reason.
ReplyDeleteDid you have any proof that your have been unfaithful?
Can you swear that your prick never enter another woman's toto since your wife traveled?
Do you have a secret lover?
Please, stop foolishing around and welcome your lovely family back to the country.
Marriage demands constant efforts and forgiveness to make it work. Even though you have no concrete evidence to substantiate your fears, you have to forgive her of whatever she might have done in the past. Don't go digging to find out what she did. Let by-gones be what they are. Support her return to the country as best you can and try to rekindle the love. I do hope there's no sweet-sixteen confusing you, cos you men sing different tunes the moment you find a hotter, sexier woman.
ReplyDeleteU need to give her benefits of doubts. Its not as easy as u might think it is for her over there with a kid on her own.
ReplyDeleteShe might actually be true to u and sticking to her vows or maybe not.. but ask yourself have u been loyal and never strayed too in 4yrs?!
If she's willing to come back,give her a chance then when she comes and guys are living as a couple then u can wait to see n decide fron events that unfolds.
i think u r afraid bcos u know sm1 can't survive anywhere outside africa with 150 pounds a month. So u r wondering how she did
ReplyDeleteHouse rent, feeding, daily transportation for her movements, the child school fees, etc...only £150? And he thinks he has been doing well...
DeleteThis right hurrr.
DeleteHe is also probably cheating on her and have met someone else hence the lack of trust and not wanting his wife back.
Also, why are some of you advising him to stop sending money for his family's upkeep?...that's his wife and kid for Pete's sake.
Mr, if your wife is ready to relocate, welcome her and your baby with love and open heart. Cut off any other "relationship" you're in if such exists and make your marriage work.
If you've been unfaithful to her and you eventually find out that she was unfaithful while in the U.K, then suck it up because believe it or not, women get tempted too. Then again, she may have kept her vows all these while.
Hope this your story is all there is to it cause I get the vibe that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Oga, abeg don't pressure the woman and your daughter back to Nigeria only to suffer them. You can join them in uk if you love them much. 150 pounds wouldn't go far in England so your wife must be really hustling. Thankfully your daughter is a Brit. Like Stella said, it is difficult adjusting to Nigeria's backwardness after you've seen the simplicity of daily living. Why drag her back to the suffering she ran away from when things are still the same? House Salon business in London is daylight compared to Nigeria. Senegalese twist is minimum £70 (25k) but in naija na 5k. Go figure!
DeleteJust accept her back oga, at least she wants to come home, be strong, u have really tried I must say. Keep it up
ReplyDeleteStella has said all i really would have said. I would however add that as a parent you should be responsible financially, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually for all of your children regardless of if they live with you or not. The child is a child and does not know what's going on but needs to feed, a roof over her head and decent clothes to wear as we know children grow like weed.
ReplyDeleteI would also add that if your wife were to be a dubious person, she would have married someone else by now in the UK to get her papers - but she did not. Please give your marriage a chance. You are not going through half of what could possibly break a marriage.
www.LoveDeyShackMe.BlogSpot.Com
You think it's easy to get a man to marry you in the UK?...
DeleteAll the aunty gwegz I know are all there and they all come to Naija to look for husband...
Shut up retarded somebody..... She said marry for papers and that is easy if u have the money.... Cos your family sold u in marriage early cos of poverty u now have mouth to insult others....if u are happily married why comitting adultery and lesbianism...pls shut up and fem la bush make better married people comment.... Ewu
DeleteStella I disagree with you on this!
ReplyDeleteThank you Stella, you've said it all.
ReplyDeletePoster I'm guessing you dont want her back cos you are afraid she is also doing what you are doing down here.
Mr man she is with another man there just like you are with another woman back home, abi i lie? You no dey fuck? Talk true, as you are fucking she is also fucking. Don't lie to yourself. Body no be firewood. If you want to take her back please do but don't let anyone fool you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...just let her come home first and see if d love will rekindle...truth is dat u see her as a stranger now; forget about fidelity now and focus on d future ..Welcome her home and see if u guys can still live as a family .work it out
ReplyDeleteStella, you have told this man all. His wife just wanted a better life for herself because these men nowadays are something else. You will give up for them and they will maltreat you to no end. Oga, you are quick to shout "it means divorce", I know sending 150 is not easy at all and I applaud you for helping them. You and your wife did not really communicate properly before marriage. Women should truly finish school before marriage so they have things set. I wish you luck o whatever you decide. Stop asking family members, they are not in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteAM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS STORY DOESNT ADD UP?!!
ReplyDeleteIf the woman's student visa was denied whilst at immigration, and her passport was seized, there is NO way she would have been allowed to leave Heathrow Airport!! NO WAY!! She would have been detained, and deported back to Nigeria on the next available flight!! I'm sorry to tell you this, Sir, but your wife has lied to you!! I'm surprised this never crossed your mind to begin with!!
- Ewurafua
Nice one Ewurafua
DeleteEither or both are not telling all.
But regardless oga chronicle poster, fight for your marriage. Respect the marriage vows taken.
Oga sir,what are you really afraid of? I have a question for you,all these years your wife has been away,have you been faithful? No? I think that's where your problem is coming from,you feel your wife on her part has not been faithful too which may be true or not. Sir,let go off your fear and tell your wife to come home..
ReplyDeleteAll the best...
Welcome ur wife & daughtet back home or u travel to UK to see things for urself..
ReplyDeleteNa wah 4yrs no be moimoi..
@ Poster are u sure u dont have a girlfriend here in nigeria,pls check ur self b cos if u dont trust ur wife,she too wl not trust u so check urself & give her a surprised visit.
Hmmmmmm...............for the sake of love give her a second chance and let's see how it goes from there
ReplyDeletestella i agree, u r a being one sided.. the guy even came out to complain because hes worried..most guys wnt even bother ,,they would have moved on....
ReplyDeleteOga if she wants to come home let her and u see things for uself..its true 4 yrs is too long to stay away esp when not planned..shes illegal and u think she has kept to herself, especially with her not being open to you..mscheeww..in this UK,,I can bet she would have someone ..but nevertheless, u too would have had someone so no need to put blame..
Both of u shld just come back together and try start afresh and if she doesnt want to, pls let her take a walk
She went to UK to deliver your baby, and that period, I guess you were faithful to her. For a woman to take a decision to sell her car to get another cert and you bought that idea, kai! I smell nyash.
ReplyDelete4 yrs is long for a guy to stay without touching women or even fathering a child, now check yourself. An insecure guy is not always faithful to his partner, pls delete those ladies for good and allow your wife to come back since you're missing them indirectly. Remember she has her own story to tell and don't stop sending that £150, you never can tell.
Wishing you all the best in your union and stop the assumption. Jesus cares.
This is just a simple case of when dreams and ambitions overtake common-sense. I feel you wife did not want to come back and look like a failure all over again. She reentered the UK with a purpose and have been away from you for so long and perhaps was hoping for the day of success with immigration. Yes, four years is long, but many people feel deep shame about these things, she will have to return worst off than when she entered, and will have to face you and her father-in-law who gave her all that money and has nothing to show for it. Further, she may not want to be the subject of gossip and ppl's pity. There are many reasons why ppl do the things they do even when it makes no sense to someone else. Why are you protesting the care of your child? Your child has to eat more than once every single day, wear clothes and exist in the world, money is needed to make that happen.
ReplyDeleteSomething about your story does not strike me as a couple who were in love when they got married. She is your wife and the one you chose to be with before God and man so if she has decided to come home you have a spiritual duty to yourself and daughter to receive her back. When she comes home please do not jump and have unprotected sex so she gets with child quickly again. Take the time to sit down and plan your life this time around, and save up your money before thinking of adding to the family. You MUST discuss before she comes home that you cannot handle another long separation, so if she is returning to Nigeria to plan on remaining here and building a live here. If she cannot commit to this then file your divorce and continue to take care of your child financially.
God bless you for this. He has an obligation to care for his family most especially his child.
DeleteGreat insight and advice Anon @ 16:39.
DeleteChop knuckle biko
DeleteShe is gone the moment you gave her your kid. Na one chance you enter
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
ReplyDelete.
Just prepare those divorce papers bcos this woman mind, soul, and body no dey ur side again......
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
You are just a childish fool....if u are mature u won't vomit the rubbish u just did....Ewu go and marry first before giving advice
DeleteMehnn u guys aren't being fair. let's turn d table around, say its a wife in naija whose husband is in d UK and has refused to come home for the past 4years and not like he is making it big time, what will ur advice be to such woman? now its a man's chronicle and u all think the man has a skeleton in his cupboard. how about u think and try to believe that he has being supportive and has not cheated. Smh u bvs are strongly turning feminists by the minute even d blog administrator her self. GENTLE
ReplyDeleteProvide for ur woman,feed her well and respect ur woman and also trust her just if you can but never love a woman till she gives you a reason to love her,loving a woman so much always making a man looks stupid
ReplyDeleteWell
ReplyDeleteU sending £150 is like salt in the ocean .
I live in the UK and cost of living is soooooooo high...
So she is very right that u can't fend for the kid.
As she is ready to come back...pls manage inugo....
U too u no be virgin!
@poster....did u say #150 pounds?..for support..? in the UK..with a child..? in a month..?..or that was a typo error..? ..and you didn't go to see them (not her) for three years?...You should be flogged..!! but u try sha..as per that is what you could afford to send to them..
ReplyDeleteMy brother,.. that place (UK) hard die.!!na so.. so.. bills.. you go they pay..been there..
The woman got to survive and she's doing that not with the 150 pounds..and might not be cheating on you..but that one go hard u to believe!...
When she's ready to make the move to return... allow her..don't force her to..but until then..enjoy!
4 years without sex may be a big deal for a man butnnot a woman. Why don't you trust her? Maybe your love for her is gone, try to rekindle it. If she loves you enough to give up everything in the UK to come for you, you better appreciate her. A lot of women complain about the amount of money their husbands give them.Pls remove your eyes from whatever is distractng you- she and your b kid is your family.
ReplyDelete