I cant deal!..Make sure you dont!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE.
MARRIAGE THAT COMES WITH CONDITIONS
I am 35yrs old. I got married at 27 when my girlfriend got pregnant and we got a divorce barely 2yrs later based on so many irreconcilable differences.
I got custody of our daughter and she has been living with me ever since, with the help of my sis and mom. My ex is not remarried but she hasn't contacted me in almost 3 years now to see the child.
I met my current girlfriend about 2 years after my divorce and after dating her for almost 3 years, I am convinced that she is the one for me. She is gentle, caring, truthful, always speaks her mind i.e she never hides her anger, ( she will explode and that's it. No carryover of quarrel). I love her!
I have proposed to her but she has told me that she can only marry me on the condition that my daughter stays with my mom for at least the first few years of our marriage.
She says the responsibility will be too much for her and that at her age, she deserves to build a family from scratch (She is 26).
I really want my daughter to be part of my new family. I don't know if I should agree to this arrangement or if she has been pretending to love my daughter all these years that we've been dating.
My brother says I should be thankful that she has sincerely told me what she wants rather than marrying me and then maltreating my daughter.
Sorry for the long narrative. Please I am in a fix and need advice.
Thanks
Thanks
I only have one thing to say...DO NOT AGREE TO ANY ARRANGEMENT THAT WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR CHILD FROM YOUR LIFE....do not marry her on these conditions.
Love will come and go but the only love you can be sure of is that of God and the one you vomited from your loins!
Hmmmm!
ReplyDeleteLemme read comments...
Stella I love you. You've said it all. She will accept your baggage if it's true love.
DeleteEven the one from loins it is only GOD that can make them have conscience I.e those father/mother kilkers
DeleteYour gf is being real but her conditions no follow atall
DeleteShe should learn to accept and love ur daughter like her own
Don't take ur daughter to ur mom o because she may never want her to return again
If she can't marry u while ur daughter lives with u make she shift
Thank GOD she was truthful
DeleteWhy would she give you such conditions? Under no circumstance should you let anyone separate you from your daughter. If she really loves you like she claims, it should be unconditional.
DeletePoster Idnt think you love your daughter very much, do you know why am saying this? There's a way and attitude u love ur daughter that even your girlfriend would be scared to mention that condition too you because she knows it would be dead on arrival, for her to give u condition nd u are here asking question shows that u are considering kicking ur flesh and blood out because of a selfish talkative girlfriend
DeleteIt all depends on wat u really want,talk to her to see reasons with u,if marry her,and she is bless with a child immediately after marriage wat will she do?
Delete*****LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*****
That's the best advice ever Stella - exactly my thoughts
DeleteYour daughter deserves a home and its also the right of every child to grow with his/her parents. We have lots of cases amongst adults who have certain limitations and have turned out negative to the society just because they lacked parental influence in their lives, especially at their early age/stages.
DeleteI believe one of the qualities any single parent should consider before tying the knot should be: How would my new spouse make a proper mother/father to my child.
Please donot deprive your daughter of the home she deserves/craves for, her mum's rejection is enough, donot add to it by rejecting her.....at the moment, you are all she's got. Please donot disappoint her especially as lil daughters have a special attachment to their dads.....Who do u want her to call 'Daddy' ....???
Also help the society by making/building your daughter to grow and be an inspirstion to those around her rather than inducing a potential self-esteem case by the act of sending her away.
Li-yon Vls.
If she can't cope at the early stages of your marriage, she will never cope with your daughter being around her.
DeleteMr Poster. This lady met you with you already having a daughter if she cannot accept your daughter then she does not accept you completely. It's like she wants to wish your daughter away. I beg you do not let anything or anyone seperate you from your child. Her mother already walked away without looking back. She needs you
DeleteMr Poster. This lady met you with you already having a daughter if she cannot accept your daughter then she does not accept you completely. It's like she wants to wish your daughter away. I beg you do not let anything or anyone seperate you from your child. Her mother already walked away without looking back. She needs you
DeleteStella has said it all.
DeleteDo I need to add Jara?
Yet She agreed to date you for this Long?
Yet she says she Loves you and love you to the floor you step on.
Yet she can't accommodate one person u cherish so much.
Plzzzz Don't Marry her. Thank God She said if not she will give the Lil girl yam to pound
Hello dear, if she can't cope with your daughter then forget her, I can cope o so consider meeting me cos I've got the qualities that made u fall in love with her. Lol *straight face*
Deletethat ur gf is a wicked soul do not marry dat witch she will kill ur kid
DeleteShe's not going to stay wit strangers,diz re still d pple dat has bn taking care if her. Separating her from her mum was d first mistake. D girl is bn real. Most girls won't even marry u. Now she is telling u dis to avoid stories. If u dnt accept then she will accept her but watch her b turned into a maid bcos ur girl's problem is how to explain her presence to outsiders so wat better cover up will she have? All of u blabing should put urself in her shoes!
DeleteI can't believe you're considering givin up your own child for a girlfriend!!
DeleteThat woman is heartless I'm sorry!! Because the child isn't biologically hers??! Why not just love her like her own if she claims to love you? After all that baby is an extension of YOU.... So you come together as a package... If she doesn't like it... She should take several seats on Stella's glass chair!
She's the type that would mistreat your daughter anytime she come to visit, turn her into house girl! It's as if she's just been forming good girl and waiting for you to pop the question before revealing her true self.....
I suggest you tell her you simply can not do that and if she can't agree then she should LEAVE!! After all your daughter was there before her and will be there AFTER her. Silly woman!
I will have to comment on these post.
DeletePoster please I beg you,most of the people commenting have never experienced what you are talking about so I wouldn't blame them for saying what ever they say.. Yes your child has been there before her(wife to be) and your daughter being your first fruit deserve the best of care you can provide either with ur mom or under your roof. You should be happy your woman honest with you on these issue. She didn't say she wouldn't allow your daughter in the house now she only asked that you give her time. How do you expect her to marry you and immediately resume work as a mother to a child whom the biological mother is still alive. Haba! I beg you to give her time to have her own child then she can raise than up together. I must say that it's not easy to o. You need to be a MAN situation like dis. May God guide you.
If she cannot cope, why didn't she go for a TEAR RUBBER boyfriend?
ReplyDeleteMschew!
She already showing her true colours ,how can she even say that ,haba ,she has just proved the kind of stepmother she will be ,when she start having her own kids she will divide your kids ,if she loves you truly then she must love your child same way ,true love is loving ones imperfections.
DeleteSooner or later, she'll need to get familiar with the girl. I think now is the best time. Is it until she's a rebellious teenager before she allows her in? Better let her in at this early stage. She can even start calling her mommy since she has no mother figure at present, which is better than calling her "my father's wife" later in life. God can even bless her through the girl. I understand her resevations but sometimes you can't tell the future.
DeleteNo guys.. i think ur judgments re flawed cus of stella's comment... this lady in question is just getting in at least she should be giving space to breathe...my mum married my dad with his kids n she saw flames.. she never had a honeymoon cus she had to cater to them. I would advice her not to even marry a man with baggage. Also lets not deceive ourselves or be sentimental no one can take care of another's child like theirs so definitely she cant love her 100%. Leave the lil one with ur mum for now for the sake of ur child n the woman u love. .
DeleteOh dear!! Nigerians re too damn sentimental... do u know the problems living with this lil child will cause? Take for instance she scolds or hit the child hubby will never take it likely ...the lady will definitely be walking on eggshells in the house.. the child should stay away biko at least for now. Its too early for the man to start beating his wife cus of the daughter.. talking from experience.
DeleteI have a feeling that Mr. poster will still go ahead and marry this lady. Mr.poster, remember that you cannot guarantee the future. You priority is to make sure your child is happy. Under no circumstance should your own child feel like a stranger in her own father's house. It is wrong! That lady of yours will not treat your daughter like her own. Think Mr.poster, THINK!
DeleteC dis Olodo: wat is I can't deal, make sure u dont?
ReplyDeleteStop tryn to sound intelignt, u ugly old hag!
Your comment got me laughing .
DeleteJeeez! Why bring your frustration here?. You sound pained.
DeleteStella pls stop approving such hate comments.
Now to poster. Any woman that cannot cope and take care of your child doesn't really love you. Trust me. My father was a single dad too and he never let anything get between us.
Jesus!!! Is ur life that empty that u ve to sound dis sad?! Jesus please fix dis person for me!!!
DeleteYou're miserable. Why commenting as anonymous if you're bold enough.
DeleteFool! Get out of this blog!!!!! Dirty rag
DeleteLmao @anon 15:03,ur mouth badt gan!
DeleteAh ah, wattapun!!! Why the hate na?
DeleteWho is this pained ass?? Frustrated human. U will continue to suffer in ur frustration and it would soon kill u. Show urself lets see how fine u are. Ugly soul
Deletebitter leaf
DeleteI lack Words. Evil Mind. May God heal your Sorrows.
DeleteYour child !! Your daughter!! Your blood!' Your family!! Your everything!! Because of girlfriend that u know of now and dnt know if she would change in 2 years time ? Every child is your child! If she can't stay with your daughter then sorry Idnt know what to say
ReplyDeletePoster,your wife is right!...
ReplyDeleteSend your daughter to your mummy please...
Olodo stupid and wrong advice... ure the type dat maltreat children that are not urs and are under ur care. How wil u feel if same tin is done to ur child? Poster if she truly loves u she shld accept ur child n start living with her after u marry her. Bcos later she will bring up more excuses wen u want to bring ur child home and it will cause problem in ur marriage so deal With it nw before u marry her to avoid issues later in ur marriage.
DeleteUseless bitch..Akuna 1 of the whole eastern region. Agadi n'agwo ofe. Dull and dumb brained bitch..how is the girl right ? Youropinion is always terrible.
DeleteFrm where the poster said with d help of his mum nd sister,its obvious he forcefully took d girl from her mother. He sound like a bad man. Who seprates a child from her mum?
DeleteI was this type of comment from you & you didn't disappoint.
DeleteLinda eze, Pls talk like someone who has common sense. How can u ask him to send his child to his mum becos of a bitch? Yes I call her a bitch, cos she doesn't love d guy, she's either marrying this guy for financial reasons, or just to be a Mrs. A woman who genuinely loves her man would also love his offspring. She's even a foolish woman, she doesn't know that it will even be to her advantage that she takes the child as hers. Rubbish! That being said, linda u must be a wicked woman, one of these women who can't stand other people's kids. Chineke meregi ebere.
DeleteMadam queen, fear God u hear
DeleteAnonymous are you okay ???
DeleteDidn't you see where he said the lady has not asked about her child for the past 3 years.
doesn't that pass an obvious message across????
I support Linda on this.
DeleteDear Poster, don't mind all of them
Your girlfriend has seen your daughter and knows she won't be able to handle her.
It's possible the little girl has been spoilt by her grand ma and instead of being labelled a wicked stepmother, decided to give her conditions.
Pls it's better you marry this your girlfriend because she's truthful and not desperate for marriage unlike some others girls who would end up maltreating your girl simply because they want to answer Mrs.
Na wa, y can't she even take ur child to be hers? What's there, I don't know how some ladies think oh. Let me read comments biko
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
ReplyDelete.
Thank God she don tell yu her church mind and wetin yu gats do nw na to run for ur life i swear..... My own daughter?? I cant fit think twice i swear...
.
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
I suppose your daughter is about 8 years old. In the 3yrs rship with your gf, were you very observant about how she treats or refers to your daughter? Does your gf spend time with her? Does she (gf) like having her around or away? Does she even initiate discussions concerning your daughter’s welfare, esp in respect to future. Does she buy her things and take note of things pertaining to her like her hair, school, clothes, her feeding etc. How does she scold her? Well you said she has been showing the love….i hope you shined your eyes. No one wants to end up with someone who will maltreat his/her child.
DeleteThe 2+ years you have spent with your gf is not beans, I want to believe she truly loves you and has come to terms that she has to accept your daughter and help you nurture her. If she had an issue with this, she would have left a long time ago, she is still young you know, in her mid-20s. Don’t be in a haste to pass judgment, she may be seeing things differently at the moment or acting on what she has been told, or even battling with how best to start a family with you seeing that there is an ex-wife in the picture. Most newlyweds love to spend the first year of marriage alone, you know this right? That’s what she wants though it’s not going to be easy in this case. Another ques begging for answer is will she say this if she was the one with a love-child. Lets not go there.
Your daughter has been living with you so sending her away is a bit awkward. A year is too much, few months for honeymoon is okay, after which 3 of you will live together. It’s a good thing your gf is truthful, at least you always know what’s on her mind. Your gf needs wise counsel at the moment, she needs to learn one or two things, we know she wants to start the union with you alone. She should not see your daughter as a third-party. Love wins. Your daughter will keep her company and even help her with tiny things when she is preggy. Take it easy with her and don’t raise dusts. With time, she will understand what it means to have a child. On the other hand, If your gf keeps objecting and wants your daughter away for a long time, then you have to stand your ground and let her walk if she so desires. After all is it not by living together that you all can bond as family. If you see yourself trying too hard to persuade her, or been tensed when both of you are discussing about your daughter, then something is wrong….my opinion though, I could be so wrong. I wish you well, may God direct you.
I can't believe you're considering givin up your own child for a girlfriend!!
DeleteThat woman is heartless I'm sorry!! Because the child isn't biologically hers??! Why not just love her like her own if she claims to love you? After all that baby is an extension of YOU.... So you come together as a package... If she doesn't like it... She should take several seats on Stella's glass chair!
She's the type that would mistreat your daughter anytime she come to visit, turn her into house girl! It's as if she's just been forming good girl and waiting for you to pop the question before revealing her true self.....
I suggest you tell her you simply can not do that and if she can't agree then she should LEAVE!! After all your daughter was there before her and will be there AFTER her. Silly woman!
"If you love me you should love my dog" I think she wouldn't see your daughter as a burden if she truly loves you.
ReplyDeleteOga Ade, me no fancy that paro at all at all. e no gel!
ReplyDeleteThat gal na ur blood o! No jones on top on yeye love.
She talk her mind, she fit poison d child o!
Poster your gf don't care about u or ur feelings.
DeleteIf she can't marry you without sending your child away say bye bye to her.
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteWhat kind of a condition is that?
ReplyDeleteDnt mind her o...
If she truly loves you, she shld accept your daughter just like she accepted you...
It's even a plus to her, by this she wld have someone to be in the house wit and also learn to cater for a child.
And if she feels it's gonna be a burden to her, hire a trusted help that wld help u take care of the child or beta still, invite ur sis to come live with u...shikena!
Good advise
DeleteI can't believe you're considering givin up your own child for a girlfriend!!
DeleteThat woman is heartless I'm sorry!! Because the child isn't biologically hers??! Why not just love her like her own if she claims to love you? After all that baby is an extension of YOU.... So you come together as a package... If she doesn't like it... She should take several seats on Stella's glass chair!
She's the type that would mistreat your daughter anytime she come to visit, turn her into house girl! It's as if she's just been forming good girl and waiting for you to pop the question before revealing her true self.....
I suggest you tell her you simply can not do that and if she can't agree then she should LEAVE!! After all your daughter was there before her and will be there AFTER her. Silly woman!
Yes I agree with Stella oh! Didn't she see your kid before she agreed to date you?
ReplyDeleteEyah. I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteMotherly instincts are not automatic so if your fiancée says she can't deal then she can't. Don't force her.
Find someone else or the mother of the girl. Convince her to take d child. I wonder why that one isn't interested in her own child sef.
All these matter tire me sef.
Olodumare fix it biko
Olodumare will not fix anything madam. Fix what? A woman who can't accept someone else child and treat her as her own? Bull shit! I hate women who don't have maternal instincts, I hate them! They are cold and wicked, and can kill. God has made we women soft and kind, especially towards children, how can u not love a child, simply becos he/she's not urs biologically. Tufia! That fiancee of he's is a mean and heartless woman. She's probably marrying this guy for some personal gains other than love.
Deletelol @ vomited from ur groins. I bliv she shld try n be considerate.. She telling u to leave the child with your mom tells a lot about how she feels with you having a child not hers. Try n make her understand your child is also hers n den if she cnt deal??.. The decision s yours to make.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm a single parent to my son and any man that wants to marry me must accept me with my son. Me and him come as a package no subtraction. If you love me then you love and accept me with my son. Simples, that's my stand from a female angle.
ReplyDeleteNa wa oh..baby daddy drama!
ReplyDeleteUr gf is not desperate..i like her for speaking her mind not hiding feelings out Of wanting To get married..send ur daughter to ur mom n cater for her for d first few yrs n make sure she isn't mistreated.
Ur gf is not heartless, she's real.
I luv hes gf. Thats a good woman. She is very honest. Nd der is notin in takin ur dota to ur moda to stay for few years. Am aure shee wants to enjoy d few years of marriage before mummy duties. Poster should be luck he has a lady like her. How can u make anoda woman asume Mummy responsibilities wen she is not very ready for dat? She will av to wake up early,take her to sch nd bla bla bla. Poster ia just a stupid man. Y cldnt he leave d girl wit her mother for adequate care before takin her away? Wicked man.
Delete@blackberry u r d only reasonable persn here. Pls poster should tell us why he forcefully tpok d girl from her mother. Because frm the line"wit d help of my mum nd sister" its obvious his ex saw hell. Evil men everywhr
DeleteYou & Linda are being very real on this issue.
DeletePeople cussing out this babe will do worse than her.
This just goes to show the type of women we have on this blog, women who only think of their kids and nothing more, to women like u, other people's children don't matter. It's ur type that change house boys and girls like wrapper, cos u can't endure other people's children. There's no such thing as being real here, the posters gf is mean. Why did she start dating a baby daddy in d 1st place is she knows she can't live with his daughter? Dis is not an issue of being desperate, this is an issue of being a mother to even someone who isn't ur child, and having that natural love. Chai, I can't even believe what I'm seeing on this blog. So many nonsense women in this my generation.
DeleteGbam!
Delete10000000 likes.
Pls b4 giving advice we should put ourselves in both shoes. Ure speaking from d feminine part of u but ve tot of u being a single mum n a man rejects ur child like dis?
DeletePoster tell ur Gf if she wants a man she can marry and enjoy d first few yrs of her life with without baby ish she should simply go 4 a guy without such baggage. What da hell! After 3yrs? Is she a stranger 2 d child? Am sure she's been mingling and having gud times with ur child. Was she pretending? Abeg abeg this one don pass being real e don enter control freak.
Am sure ure d one doing d loving.
Hian. Do not agree. Find someone who would love you and accept your daughter don't start what you can't finish mbok.
ReplyDeleteI get where your gf is coming from, I won't want that either and it's a good thing she told you before hand so the ball is in your court.
Do not take your daughter away simply to marry your girlfriend..
ReplyDeleteThat is a sly move on her part in ensuring that your daughter doesn't live with her.
That sends a very bad signal. I think you should tell her that you and your daughter are a total package, she marries you, she inherits/adopt your daughter, its as simple as that.
Your daughter deserves a stable family unit. Her mother deserted her,don't do that to her too.
hahahaha.... see trick
ReplyDeleteThose few years will afford her the time to consolidate in the home and ostracise your daughter. I know women very well. They are possessive... forget all their church-going.
Your girlfriend looks sweet right now because during dating, people lick sugar, but dont pack shit. When marriage show, true colours come out, it will be a mixture of sugar and heap of shit. Sometimes the shit may out-taste the sugar. So my broda, no too assume oh. I know why.
And i dont ever advise anybody to have children from more than one mother. In the future, it will count against you oh and cause hatred. It is not a must to have plenty childreb oh. One has do. It haff do.
Just watch this new babe create her own territory under your own eyes. You go shock. Person wey dey beg to enter your life go turn to king of your empire.
Must you marry sef? or na bcos pastor say sex outside marriage is a sin? I know ppl wey marry for sex oh, so that them no go sin.
Dont let your daughter see you with any woman. Make women contract staff, dont change anyone to staff oh. I know why
Love your daughter and change women at will. Collect sugar, bone shit.
Thank me later
True talk.she is acting sweet now before u know it, she will put a stop to your daughter seeing u.
DeleteTrue talk.she is acting sweet now before u know it, she will put a stop to your daughter seeing u.
DeleteLol my man!
DeletePoster u dnt know this lady till u marry her put for house, u should know better cos u were married before, all these attributes u dey mention for here,u would see worse characters coming out from her when u stay married in a house,any lady dating a baby daddy should be ready to love kid nd daddy together if not look for a single man without baggage
DeleteOh God, o boy run o. Am just watching a movie called to live again and true forgiveness. It just look like ur story. Gals like dt are pretenders n de will ruin u. Bc u can't love a man n hate her child, it doesn't work like dt. U shouldn't enter into marriage with conditions bc u keep living that way till u die. Men should stop being stupidity in love. Open ur eyes pls.
ReplyDeleteMoney makes you f**k a lot of women easily where r u???????
ReplyDeleteObsession
DeleteStella this your advice no follow. Mr poster if the girl loves you, marry her. After a while, your daughter can move in.
ReplyDeletePoster pls don't just listen to this human Biko. This human, kindly pray for such to come ur way so u can follow this advice of urs.
DeleteGod bless u
What if she dsnt allow the daughter into d house after a while ? That is d young girl's dad !!
DeleteHas it occurred to any of you to ask why he separated the child from her mother???? I hate one sided stories. This poster must have shown that woman hell for her to have abandoned her child and ran for dear life. Mr poster says his mum n sis are currently caring for the child. What is wrong with the child spending extra two yeas there while the new wife enjoys her honeymoon? She deserves it. By the time she has her own kid, she would have felt what it means to birth a child n know that kids are precious n should b treated as such, then she can easily bring in and accept n nurture the other child. Its not just about bringing the child in, its about treating her right.
Deletedear poster try to be in your daughter's shoe and imagine how she will feel. her mom does not want her neither does her dad those will be the thought going through her mind. if your girlfriend had a child and you gave her similar option will she agree. your child is in her formative age and needs all the love she can get from her parent if not she will grow up seeking love in the wrong places.
DeleteGandalfs bae, I 1,000,000,000,001 TOTALLY disagree with u. Wateva might have happened btw this dude and d little girl's biological mother shldnt affect the relationship btw the father and d daughter... Nothin at all, I mean nothin ever shld come between them.
DeleteEnjoy wat flipping honeymoon u said? If after the yrs the silly lady said d lil girl shld go spend with the dude's mother ends and d silly lady refuses the little girl back to her father's house nko?
It's just plane simple English... That silly woman doesn't want the little girl anywhere close to the father and the home... Kapisch
That silly woman is just out to spoil n scatter the relationship between the little girl and her father. That little girl needs all the love at this little age. Is she was a teenager, it's a very different story entirely. . .
Even if the little girl's mother saw heaven & hell during her time wit the dude is not the little girls fault that she shld be cut off from the dad.
Am sayin this cos am a single mum too. My present bf now my fiancé took my little girl as his blood. He spends all the time with her, takes her out, pays her fees, her upkeep it's him, every single thin is him. If he wasn't comfy with my little girl, he won't give her all the time and give her the full provision n all she needs.
Imagine where the little girl calls him either baby or daddy... Ppl actually think n believe he's the father to my little girl(I so bless God for that)
It's really hard to see someone(be it man or woman) who wld love a kid(s) unconditionally like the biological father or mother. But wen u come across one, grab the person n bless God. If not, Abeg run away from the human.
It's bad for one to maltreat a kid that is not urs. The punishment/reward bad pass gun wound.
Poster, I REPEAT Biko FLEE FROM THE SILLY WOMAN & God will bless u a billion folds
If I were to be a lady in her shoes & a man grants such request & sends his biological daughter away for the sake of my comfort, I'd even question his love for me..... Apparently, ur daughters mum isn't fond of her own daughter, now sending her back to a lady that care less, imagine the impact it'd have on her, u might its jst for a short while but wat a child will learn in a day can last a lifetime.... So pls, if she's not ready to accept u wit ur baggage, she shld let go...
ReplyDeletePoster remember your daughter will be d one to take care of you when you are old, do you know that women change? I pity you in advance, if ur daughter is ur babe's daughter that she bore for you will she say these!
DeleteWat if d stupid poster cut off all communication frm his ex wife? Ppl like u r d reason oda wome commit suicide. U conclude with evn cross chkn d story. Form d part d poster said with d help of my mum nd sister. U shld av known d mother of d girls ddnt give up d child easily. Acquire sense today.
DeleteShe never truly loved your daughter. If she did she wouldn't have made such a request/ condition before marriage. Blood they say is thicker than water. Don't allow anyone/ thing to separate you from your child. Make your stand known to her and if she doesn't comply, then call it quits. Any woman that is going to be your wife should understand that you are already a father and shouldn't deprive you of performing your responsibility to the fullest no matter what.
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteYour babe doesn't love ur daughter abeg..she dey form love since becos of wetin she want (marriage). She don almost get am na,her true color dey show..she no even sharp sef..Your child should be 7 or 8 years old now..she's still a kid na..abeg that kind arrangement get as e be..
ReplyDeleteCan u assume mummy duties immdtly u get married? Esp wen u want to enjoy d few years of ur marriage uninterupted? U tink its easy bn a mum? Let alone mum to anoda womans child? Ask d poster y he seprated d child frm her mum in d first plce b4 saying rubbish.
DeleteAnonymous that is no excuse! Y did she date a baby daddy ?
DeleteWhat do u mean can u accept mummy duties immediately u get married? If u get married and give birth, say after 10months, haven't u accepted mummy duties Alrdy? Will u throw ur biological child out of the house just becos u want to "enjoy" marriage? What nonsense enjoyment are u talking about sef, nor be to dey fuck fuck, anything else? Will d little girl deprive her of that? Abeg ijiro okwu!
DeleteI have a friend that did that. Got married to a baby (daughter) daddy. It wasn't easy, as the father kept overprotecting the daughter, so she won't feel neglected though the wife had no qualms bout his daughter, until his own sisters sat him down and talked sense into his head, to allow his wife be a proper mother to his daughter. It ain't easy, but the poser's babe should allow the girl live in her father's house as this will help them further bond.
DeleteStella u don come again wid ur ochonganoko advice kikikikiki
ReplyDeleteSome women shaaaaaa!!!!
ReplyDeleteSmtcheeeww!!!
Sterra remind me again y u said u stopped enabling d oda bv wit a dick dp's comments again?
DeleteI fear woman, she has been pretending since
ReplyDeleteshine your eyes Mr Man,If she loves you then loving your daughter shouldn't be a problem.
I know her type we marry her type enter our family.........Mistake of life.mtschwwww
I see her point but it is totally unfair to your daughter, please do not agree to these conditions and make her understand that you come as a complete package.. you and your girl... Can you imagine the hatred your daughter would feel towards her in future if she gets to know what caused your separation? would you be able to live with the guilt if something goes wrong with the relationship you have built with your daughter? A parent's love can never be equated and should be taken seriously. Your fiancee can have her space during the honeymoon and right after, you are a family with your daughter and her. if push comes to shove, you can choose to get a maid to take care of your daughter.
ReplyDeletePoster, pls do not marry d girl. She ought to accept u completely.
ReplyDeleteWTF did i just read? Oga are u even asking questions? Dat girl is a time bomb waiting to explode..She is a wicked jezebel and a coded one for that matter..
ReplyDeleteDont u ever marry sny woman that will turn u against ur own flesh and blood..Dis is d same advice i give to single mothers who wants to get married..Dont ever let d man stop u from bringing ur child into ur new home..If he cant handle d presence of ur child,then is not worthy to be called ur husband.
What is even d problem having someone's child in ur home? No be person dey adopt pikin? I taya for some.people..
Poster pls tell d girl in plain language dat its not gonna work..Dat its either she accepts ur daughter or she walks...
If she accepts ur own condition,then u have to be careful before she poisons ur child..
Infact dont marry her at all to avoid stories dat touch in future.
Gbam, I was a single mother of a son before I married hubby, we've been married for 2 years and counting, have a daughter for him. He took my son like his, treats him right & even flaunts him anywhere we go. If u never see my son's sch books, you will never know d difference. As they said love me, love my dog | & he was a single guy. All the best.
DeleteYou said it all chizoba. 100 like for this your comment
DeleteBeing a mom is d hardest job in the universe and u expect the woman to take the job wen she's not sure of pension? Me oh, I no fit.
DeleteChizoba, I agree with u 100%. So many wicked women in this our time.
DeleteAdetutu let her go find a man without a kid if she can't look after his kid
DeleteGo ahead and agree with her and take it from there. She's at least honest unlike other women who then became what we shall tag"matters that touch the heart on news"
ReplyDeleteDear poster don't take your daughter anywhere. By the way she saw you and your little girl before accepting to date you. Since she claim to love you, she hurt to love your little girl and accept her as her own.
ReplyDeleteImagine the condition she is giving, not putting into consideration the effect it will have on your little girl.
Sounds fear to me. Guys always demand of the same from women who enter new marriages with child(ren) from previous relationship(s.) Why can't a woman do the same? With that said, I don't see why she can't request the same. Afterall, she provided reasons (which by the way are rational and reasonable.) And most of all, it will only be temporary. Grant her her 2 years request, abeg.
ReplyDeleteHow are we sure it's temporary ? She might not allow his daughter into d house again
DeleteAda it's a lie, 2yrs will turn to 5more years, then from 5yrs to forever, if she can wait for 2yrs, then she might as well start being a mother now, after all 2yrs is a twinkle of an eye. Bottom line is, his gf never loved his daughter from d word go. If she did she wouldn't want to live a day without her.
DeleteI no dey denge denge I no dey pose..my baby give me biscuit i want suger..
ReplyDeleteThis melo melo song eh
Dear poster..dear men,never marry a woman who is not comfortable with your kid ..or kids...you watched all those patience ozokwo wicked step mother movies baa??.. If you dont want a repeat of that...just respect your self and get another gir..
Yours sincerely,
Sassy chick
Getting married base on conditions isn't right. So what happens after few years, will she still allow your child to stay with you? Cos she needs your love you know. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteSorry dear poster, your girl friend does not love your daughter and it will be hard to bring her back into your home. Once she has built her so called family. Your daughter needs a mother figure that is the number one reason you should be taking this step. When will she come in and start to bond with your wife and the rest of the family? If she is not ready for the responsibility then someone with a large heart will.
ReplyDeleteI married a widower with 2 daughters adorable if I may add. Except you are told you won't know. On top of it. I still have an in law of his living with us. That's an added tough nut God will sort out. But I've so bonded with his 2 daughters. It's a blessing for me. If she is too young as she says for that, then she is not ready.
Some things are hard in life. But life is like that. It won't be all rosy. Your daughter is part of you, if you start by sending her off it will so affect her beyond your imagination. She will always feel you chose your wife over her, that's enough reason to set them on a war path already. You may lose her not necessarily physical but you may not have a good relationship with her after this. Look before you leap.
Gbam! Gbam!! Gbam!!!
DeleteBest comment! God bless you!
DeleteWhat kind of condition is this, if she loves u she will accept ur daughter,but on a second thought she will maltreat her if u deny her request of sending her away, between ur daughter and ur girl friend who do u love most, she has been pretending to love ur daughter that's the bitter truth, man and woman love fades but the love of father and child is everlasting so choose wisely.
ReplyDeletePoster this matter de vex me, that after a while ur babe is talking about, she won't allow ur daughter in, she would fight and talk her mind like she always do, there are lots of women who married men with kids, they stayed with d kid, so if she truly loves u she will love ur daughter,na marriage de hungry her now and I think she will eventually be the one controlling you in d marriage, my instincts tells me u will regret marrying her, u suppose open eye for your second marriage not all this " I love her" story that u r saying, use ur head man !
DeleteI f she truly loves you she will accept your child, I don't agree with any love that has condition, the truth is that she has been pretending all this while.Love will always come, just use your tongue count your teeth.
ReplyDeleteIf she loves you she will love what is yours
ReplyDeleteFirst of all of she truly loves you she'll love your child equally after all the child is very young sef.. you want to send her off to a mother who obviously doesn't want her? Love comes and go oo.. dump your girlfriend and lool for another woman that can be a mother to your kid pls. You seem like a great dad..
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of conditions is that
ReplyDeleteMtcheeeeeeew
I don't think it's about loving your daughter or not we learn how to be mothers when a baby is born she is being practical and wants to learn from scratch
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteStellz has said it all.
ReplyDeletePls never be away from ur direct blood/seed cos of whom u want to marry. Not right!
Thank God she has just put it to u straight without hiding anything. Cos it's better to know earlier than to know later...
That girl doesn't love ur daughter. Pls, don't agree to her nonsense & don't even allow her be a part of ur life.
Ur daughter deserves the best since her biological mum is no where to give her the unconditional love she deserves.
God bless u as u make that wise decision
Just ask the same question to her, if she was in your own shoes.. If she love you enough then she should be willing to take care of the child also. Does she know how close you are to your child?....
ReplyDeleteUr babe has shown u her true color, thank ur God for that. How many years is a few years? How would you successfully monitor the growth and well being of ur child from afar? Ur mom is old and won't be firm in some issues concerning ur child. If u send ur child away she is going to grow up feeling not wanted and loved by anyone, before u know it self esteem issues will arise. I am sure she already feels sad that her mom hasn't seen her in a while so please don't compound the little girl's problem. Women come and go but a child especially female is forever. Don't try to persuade ur girlfriend to accept ur daughter oh, so that she won't pretend now and then when she is now a madam turn ur baby into. a glorified house help.
ReplyDeletePoster is better u leave this ur babe am telling u
Deleteнσρє ѕнє ∂σєѕит єи∂ υρ ωιтн α gυу тнαт нαѕ 2 вσуѕ αℓяєα∂у αи∂ ρяєтєи∂ѕ тσ нєя?
ReplyDeleteToday I have to agree with Stella on this one,u r single parent to dis girl so bcos of marriage u wld den keep her away from you, I tak God beg u,if she can't handle you and ur daughter,move on oooo,u r d girls father and mother,if she was younger it wld hv bin better,she has son sense,pls don't make d girl feel like she isnt wanted or a mistake..
ReplyDeleteand you are askinggggg. please leave her and wait for your true wife.
ReplyDeleteWhat a woman! Your pikin gov hear wen.
ReplyDeleteWhat of the feelings of your daughter? She will be feeling abandoned. Her own mum doesn't care and now, her own dad has sent her away. What effect will this have on her?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stella on this one, the baby is only a Lil child. Don't marry abeg, she shud accept ur child as much as she accepts u shikena
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel like this post is written by Ifeanyi?
ReplyDeleteGod, I want a baby first please!
ReplyDeleteshe is not growing under her mother's love,do you wana abandon her too..you and your child are a full package,she knew u had a child from the onset,why did she not tell u then dat she cannot date/marry or live with a baby daddy and his baby?hmmm,she cannot love you and disconnect you from your child at thesame time...if i were a woman and you sent away what is your own forever to accomodate what cud leave u anytime like d first when she never offended me,i will question your love for me cuz um not safe either..please she is but a little child,do not be seperated from her instead go for a woman hu ll accept both ofyou.
ReplyDeletePoster, any woman u decide 2 marry should love dat child like her own
ReplyDeleteShe's already lacking d love & care of a mother
Pls, don't let her lack d love/care of her father as well.
Poster u r a wicked man nd God will punish u. Y ddnt u leave ur dota wit her mother toget adequate care before takin her away? U r so evil. Now u wnt a lady who am sure isnt even ready for kids immtdly afta marriage to care for a child shes not emotionally nd psychologicaly ready for. She is very real wit u. Evn married couples take 2 yrs off b4 avin kids xcpt d ones dat used pregnancy to tie d guy down or sometin. Dont b selfish nd dont listen to selffish counsel. Put urslf in her shoes. Shes only26 nd caring for a child means waking up early nd avin less slp ,takin her to sch,picking her etc. Take ur dota to ur mum,make sure shes is fine. After few months or years,bring her back. Dont b selfish nd myopic in tinkin. D fact dat shes noy ready to start nursing a child dont mean she dont luv u. U r wicked to av seprated a child from her mum. I dislike u witout evn knowin u.
ReplyDeleteMba!!she wants to marry a baby daddy, so she must wake up early nd bathe his daughter nd take her to school like a mother should do!! Y dnt she date a guy who has no kids to enjoy privileges of honeymoon bla bla? Love comes with sacrifices, if she can't take care of heroes her own child ,let her go, if d daughter were hers will she say this? We need to understand the character and personality of this so called girlfriend!! Wat is wrong in been a mother to d girl? She should ha e expected this since she's dating a baby daddy na , there are lots of kind ladies who would accept d child, I know lots of ladies who married guys who have kids and they stayed together,so wat is this one own? Let her go and find a small boy who dsnt have a child to marry
DeleteGlad some people are thinking deep not these shallow humans everywhere saying he should find a lady that will love the daughter. Are u in anybodys heart to know their true intentions?
DeleteHmmm...I'm just learning today that baby daddies can be given conditions too. Thank God your ex-wife left the girl for you. She'd have been the one undergoing the stress and disadvantages of single parenthood
ReplyDeleteAs for your girlfriend, she is right. And you should be grateful that she's real and honest. There re only a few women that will tolerate your daughter living with you without mis-treating her. Frankly speaking, I think its in everybody's interest if you let your daughter stay with ur mother. That way, u wil b saved the unnecessary hassles of step-mother-daughter rship. U can stil show ur daughter love and attention, buy her whatever she needs without trying to pacify ur wife or seem partial. Ur daughter can pay u visits on holidays and everyone is happy. Since u love ur girlfriend, go ahead and marry her, but pls never abandon ur daughter.
Yes she's right and that is why she's not d best woman for him
DeleteLyndy say what u know. Not all women are hard hearted like u. My aunt married a man with 2kids, a boy and a girl. She loves those kids to the heavens and back, she has 2kids of her own, but will always tell u she has 4 kids. The beautiful part is that d kids love and adore her also. This has brought so much peace to her hubby, and made her hubby worship d ground she steps on. This is just a thing of d heart, some women a wicked and mean, while some are kind and accommodating. The posters gf falls into d 1st category.
DeleteI dont believe too. Am sure d poster forcefully collctef f girl from her moda. Evil man. Now he wants to put mummy duties on a lady dat is nt very ready to b a mum just yet. Abi does he tink its easy to b a mum? Let alone a mum tp anoda womans child.
ReplyDeleteI understand where she's coming from and I don't blame her one bit.
ReplyDeletePoster I would advice you marry her, like Yourr brother said she's very truthful.
I'm trying to put myself in her situation here, unless I've loved the girl like my daughter I wouldn't want to start my new marriage as a mother to an 8yr old girl.
It's would have been easier if the child was staying with her mum, the step father wouldn't have a problem with it at all, women are Not wired like men, the fact that she's a girl would make it harder for her, cos she might feel like you are dividing the love between her and your daughter.
Suggesting the girl stays with your mum is the best.
Come to think of it, your mum is alive, why is your daughter with you? I would be uncomfortable too.
Until people begin to put themselves in other people's shoes, they'll never be able to give real advise. How many of them can marry a man with a daughter and instantly take up motherly responsibilities at such a young age? People should learn to start being real abeg.
DeleteThen she should not have dated a man with a child. It's not like the child suddenly dropped " from somewhere, she is 26 abi?,let her count her loses and look for a tear rubber guy" instead of trying to separate and scatter this family.
DeletePlease don't accept such condition, it will have its consequence Mbok! If she loves you she should love ur daughter after all she knew from the beginning that you have one. Listen to d voice of reasoning and don't create future problems for your daughter.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. This is clearly the making of a wicked step mother...sorry to burst your bubble poster but being a great girlfriend doesn't make one a great mother. I blame you in this though. The moment you became a father,Ur daughter became part and parcel of you. Any decision you make,u must take her into consideration. your gf is selfish. complaining about what she deserves or doesn't. does your daughter deserve her life being ripped apart cos you wanna get married again? Firstly,her parents divorced and her mum abandoned her now the new wife doesn't want her. you'll be surprised at what your daughter may be feeling right now and sending her to stay with your parents may complicate things. now for the life of me I can't just grab why this your gf can't have your kid around the house. I love kids and ill just take it up as a challenge. I met a guy once on a social networking site and asked him to introduce himself. After his name,the next thing he told me was that he had a daughter. my respect escalated immediately. I suggest you try to include your daughter in your activities...bvs no vex for the epistle...i been dey vex.
ReplyDeleteGod bless u, before I got married, I took care of kids, I love kids and I wonder y she's uncomfortable with s human being but if u want to buy dog in the house or cat she would like it Mscheww I de vex
DeleteWicked jezebel. How would she feel if it were her .. If u marry her ur don for good . Run as fast as u can .
ReplyDeleteYou should thank you stars that she has stayed with you all through and has agreed agreed to marry you with a child! And you are doubting her love? give yourself a hot slap abeg, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI am 26 and I would NEVER consider marrying a mad with a child already, too much baggage and drama abeg! If I was 30, it will be a different story
Hold on to this woman trust me! HOLD ON!!!!
Go to court and get shared custody for your kid and have special visitation arrangements (if possible) that will let you see your child as often as possible
If it helps, don't move to far away from your mother believe me, this lady sounds God sent! I know myself, I am 26 and at the moment there's a man chasing me, he is everything I could imagine bet e get comma - 2 year old daughter and I am not even considering.... and how he is now even depressed bcoz of custody drama...do you think a newly wed 26year old wants that kind of drama?! you too think of it like that.
Think of it like this, she has nothing to loose, shes just 26 and can coast for another 2-4 years till getting married.
You my dear friend will be 40 in 4 years, what guarantee do you have that you will meet someone like her again? Think about this my dear....
Abeg shut up, 26 without sense,what about how the daughter feels? Poster isn't sensible if he marries this girl, so let's assume you had a daughter before us tried your first wife nd u behave like this,chasing her out of the house, after the divorce how will you feel? You are supposed to be wiser but u are foolish ,you can as well kill your daughter because of woman
Delete1000 likes!
DeleteDear poster, so this is the woman you want to marry? This is a death warranty, please refrain. She spoke her mind, great but she'll kill you! This is arrogance at it's peak.. Please, forget about this woman. A woman that's yours will find you.. Forget this woman..
DeleteDear woman, you are very foolish to have left this comment. You lack love and honestly speaking, you won't find it. Anuofia!!!
You should thank you stars that she has stayed with you all through and has agreed agreed to marry you with a child! And you are doubting her love? give yourself a hot slap abeg, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI am 26 and I would NEVER consider marrying a mad with a child already, too much baggage and drama abeg! If I was 30, it will be a different story
Hold on to this woman trust me! HOLD ON!!!!
Go to court and get shared custody for your kid and have special visitation arrangements (if possible) that will let you see your child as often as possible
If it helps, don't move to far away from your mother believe me, this lady sounds God sent! I know myself, I am 26 and at the moment there's a man chasing me, he is everything I could imagine bet e get comma - 2 year old daughter and I am not even considering.... and how he is now even depressed bcoz of custody drama...do you think a newly wed 26year old wants that kind of drama?! you too think of it like that.
Think of it like this, she has nothing to loose, shes just 26 and can coast for another 2-4 years till getting married.
You my dear friend will be 40 in 4 years, what guarantee do you have that you will meet someone like her again? Think about this my dear....
Now I want to comment, please kindly be aware that it is my opinion and not subject to criticism.
ReplyDeleteMy Advise is that you should please work on your first marriage, there is nothing like "irreconcilable differences" Take some courses on " Emotional Intelligence" you will discover what went wrong and how it can be fixed. Every marriage has issues especially the first two years, if you cannot endure and take time to understand each other, then it breaks up.
Having kids with different women is not advisable, women who will love you and your daughter are few, especially when her mum is still alive, who knows when she will show up ? she might be calm now because you aren't married yet.
Women think of it as if you are in this condition, would you really love to keep a man and her child from another marriage especially when you are single without a child ? can you predict the troubles from the man when you try to correct the baby ? will he think is because the child is not yours?
Avoid these troubles and make relationships less complicated. Please learn to make your marriage work.. No angel out there. is all about understanding and patience.
I think your babe just needs some honeymoon space. A "few years" is too much though. You can suggest about 3 months max of "honeymooning". I think her fear is that she might not have "alone" time with her hubby before starting a family. Try talking to her about it, this may be her fear. Also make her see reasons why she should spend time with your daughter now and get used to loving her.
ReplyDeleteBut if she insists on a "few years", she probably doesn't love your daughter as much as she claims. She probably sees her as someone competing for your love....... #dasall
N.B. instead of always ending my comments in #dasall, I have found a blog name.
That ur girlfriend na pretender!,Why will she ask you to leave ur daughter outside your relationship abi marriage with her for some years? A sensible lady will accept the child wholeheartedly, they said children are angels and you know angels come with bounties. Abeg, plenty women looking for husband full market. Don't waste your time with her.
ReplyDeleteIf you agree to her request that means you are an 0DOY0(mumu),that is how tommorow you would marry her she would start commanding,next one is she would say she dnt want to see your mother or your family member's..better be wise before you would run back here to write another chronicle!..
ReplyDeleteAnnoyed reading this. she is stupid to say that. how old is the girl that she is complaining.
ReplyDeletethey are the ones that will be wicked to stepchildren. anufia woman.
THIS IS CAROLINE EKANEM'S 2006 INTERVIEW EHERE SHE REVEALS SHE WAS BORN IN 1980!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nigeriafilms.com/news/1003/1/my-affair-with-tu-face-idibia-carol-ekanem.html
If she can't hv ur child unda d same roof n bond wt her in d 1st few years of ur marriIage, wen will she? Counter d condition she gave u; if she can't deal make she waka. Dey r many fishes in d water. Keep fishing; u will still find anoda gold fish.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter deserves a home and its also the right of every child to grow with his/her parents. We have lots of cases amongst adults who have certain limitations and have turned out negative to the society just because they lacked parental influence in their lives, especially at their early age/stages.
ReplyDeleteI believe one of the qualities any single parent should consider before tying the knot should be: How would my new spouse make a proper mother/father to my child.
Please donot deprive your daughter of the home she deserves/craves for, her mum's rejection is enough, donot add to it by rejecting her.....at the moment, you are all she's got. Please donot disappoint her especially as lil daughters have a special attachment to their dads.....Who do u want her to call 'Daddy' ....???
Also, help the society by making/building your daughter to grow and become an inspirstion to those around her rather than inducing a potential self-esteem case by the act of sending her away.
Li-yon Vls.
She's very stupid honestly. I know ppl have dere don't and do's in marriages/relationship. If she cannot accept ur child she shld not have dated you at all.
ReplyDeleteI know ladies that will not date a man with a child, and it's dere choice. But going into a r'ltshp with you knowing u have a child and says she doesn't want the child she's stupid.
This kind of woman seems heartless, I really pity you if for any reason you fall on hard times, such woman will not stick around. Your daughter is still young so I wonder what problems she'll give.
Abeg I cant deal. No be her fault, she's 26. If she keep behaving like dis she'll be single till age 36. By den she will be begging any man to make her 2nd wife sef.
I swear to u she's a pretender. She has decided to marry someone with a child and she must accept all that comes with it. She's so inconsiderate. She can leave you at anytime but ur daughter can't.
ReplyDeleteShe will make very bad step-mother. Is the girl not part of the family she is talking about building from a scratch. @poster, ur daughter is very important to any new family ur planning to build. Ur girlfriend should see her as her own child. Because when u get married ur money and every other things becomes hers including ur child.
ReplyDeleteI suppose your daughter is about 8 years old. In the 3yrs rship with your gf, were you very observant about how she treats or refers to your daughter? Does your gf spend time with her? Does she (gf) like having her around or away? Does she even initiate discussions concerning your daughter’s welfare, esp in respect to future. Does she buy her things and take note of things pertaining to her like her hair, school, clothes, her feeding etc. How does she scold her? Well you said she has been showing the love….i hope you shined your eyes. No one wants to end up with someone who will maltreat his/her child.
ReplyDeleteThe 2+ years you have spent with your gf is not beans, I want to believe she truly loves you and has come to terms that she has to accept your daughter and help you nurture her. If she had an issue with this, she would have left a long time ago, she is still young you know, in her mid-20s. Don’t be in a haste to pass judgment, she may be seeing things differently at the moment or acting on what she has been told, or even battling with how best to start a family with you seeing that there is an ex-wife in the picture. Most newlyweds love to spend the first year of marriage alone, you know this right? That’s what she wants though it’s not going to be easy in this case. Another ques begging for answer is will she say this if she was the one with a love-child. Lets not go there.
Your daughter has been living with you so sending her away is a bit awkward. A year is too much, few months for honeymoon is okay, after which 3 of you will live together. It’s a good thing your gf is truthful, at least you always know what’s on her mind. Your gf needs wise counsel at the moment, she needs to learn one or two things, we know she wants to start the union with you alone. She should not see your daughter as a third-party. Love wins. Your daughter will keep her company and even help her with tiny things when she is preggy. Take it easy with her and don’t raise dusts. With time, she will understand what it means to have a child. On the other hand, If your gf keeps objecting and wants your daughter away for a long time, then you have to stand your ground and let her walk if she so desires. After all is it not by living together that you all can bond as family. If you see yourself trying too hard to persuade her, or been tensed when both of you are discussing about your daughter, then something is wrong….my opinion though, I could be so wrong. I wish you well, may God direct you.
This is in response to yesterday's chronicle
ReplyDeleteIf you love yourself and your neighbor please read this and let your neighbor read .
It is important for both men and women to know this.
Impotence and infertility are two different things. Impotence is the inability of a man to do sex mainly because his h can't achieve and maintain erection. In women it is called frigidity in which she doesn't respond to sexual stimulation.
Infertility is the inability to cause pregnancy, in thean due to lack of viable sperm cells(not the liquid) and in a woman lack of viable eggs.
An impotent person can be firtile and a firtile person can be impotent. SDK blog universe mostly come here with sentiment. . ln the course of my job I discovered that most men find out they are infirtile after marriage even though they remain potent. Most women on the other hand have idea that they might have problems or actually have problems but hide it and marry with it. All the women who I discovered to have problems (without exception), whenever I tell them to tackle it, they all say they don't have that kind of money that when they marry their husbands would take care of the problems. Like I said earlier a potent man who has been giving his female sexmates the bliss of their life may not know he is infirtile until he marries and children are not forthcoming. Any young girl that has misused her body and any yog man that has misused his body would find conception difficult. Women nowadays don't marry early became they must further their education or learn trade so as not to depend on their husbands. Prior to marriage they have had countless abortions, infections and taking all manner of pills drugs and agbo to flush or prevent pregnancy. Endometrits salpingitis etc are infections. How and when did they come? Many women I discovered don't see their periods every month, some once a year or more and they won't tell the man that wants to marry. They hide and enter the man's house and when later discovered they black the man with one man one wife till death do you part. As for men only women who sign no sex till marriage that can inherit an impotent man that did not reveal.( I will tell a story that happened to me tomorrow)
The truth is if the man or woman didn't disclose the state of their health to each other before marriage, then there is no obligation whatsoever because he who goes to equity goes with clean hands. Therefore the solution is this...a virile man that wants to marry should sperm test among others and the woman should do hormone, infection and womb scan before marriage. They both should disclose to their partners their state of health before marriage plans are discussed and agreement reached. Otherwise there is no obligation whatsoever. But trust me after cruising life if a woman goes for checkup prior to marriage and detects a problem the Nigerian woman that I have been working with hide and enter husband house while the man who finds out his infertility before marriage would avoid marriage except he strikes a compromise with a trusted lady mainly one that sees her time expiring. If you didn't find out your partner's condition or you his your condition before marriage please don't come here to blackmail someone and seek sympathy
Please watch out for my story tomorrow!!!!
Thank God. To me that's a deal breaker. Your child was there before her. I do not know if its just only me. But wen I care for some1 their child is automatically mine. I c his eyes in the child. I care for that child. This child though with Dad, already feels rejected by the mom. To me God gives you the grace. Pray about I oga for directions. Coz I know a lady that snatched her bff husband. Got married and had kids. Infact her step daughter was more like the maid and one thing I liked was the Dad always insisted to visit his daughter. If he comes on his own see cargo he bring for his daughter. If he comes with the winch ehm Na only money Dem go give am. Life eh And oga work on urself you attract wat you got
ReplyDeleteThe sooner she realises that she has a grown daughter in you daughter, the better. As it is now, even if you don't agree with her and the child stays in the house, I tell you she will have a miserable stay in her father's house. It's not nice. It's not the girl's fault she is caught up in adult matters. Show more so whoever comes around you will know she is a no-go area.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, pick up your two legs and RUN. Run as far away as this your girlfriend as possible. You dated for 3 whole years. At this point she should have bonded with your daughter and started to see the girl as her own. Especially since the girl's mother is not a part of her life. The honeymoon period of 2 weeks is sufficient in my opinion. After that then all the of you should be able to begin your lives together under one roof like the blended family that you are. Did you hide the fact that you had a daughter from her? Unless she was recently hit with the news of you having a daughter then she should have already prepared herself to life with you and your daughter who she should also begin to see as hers.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, pick up your two legs and RUN. Run as far away as this your girlfriend as possible. You dated for 3 whole years. At this point she should have bonded with your daughter and started to see the girl as her own. Especially since the girl's mother is not a part of her life. The honeymoon period of 2 weeks is sufficient in my opinion. After that then all the of you should be able to begin your lives together under one roof like the blended family that you are. Did you hide the fact that you had a daughter from her? Unless she was recently hit with the news of you having a daughter then she should have already prepared herself for life with you and your daughter who she should also begin to see as hers.
ReplyDeleteWell said SDK. Your daughter needs you, especially since her mother has dumped her. In my opinion, i think your girlfriend is selfish. Please your daughter is too young abeg, she needs at least a parent in her life. Don't listen to your girlfriend and stand your grounds of having your daughter live with you. She didn't beg to be born and moreover she was there before your girlfriend came along. Pikin wey never reach 18 na im u wan fashi for one agbaya girlfriend. No try am.
ReplyDeleteGuy are you out of your mind? Stella has said it all. Your daughter is going through emotional pains for both parents not being there for her while she is growing. You the last hope she's got want to do more harm to her. Be a man and don't do.
ReplyDeletePOSTER IF THE GIRL HAS A CHILD WILL YOU ACCEPT HER INTO YOUR HOME WITH HER KID IMMIDIATELY AFTER MARRIAGE? PLS LET THE GIRL BE BIKO.SHE LOVES YOU BUT WANT TO SETTLE INTO MARRIAGE ALONE WITH YOU.PLS TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO YOUR MUM.MAKE YOU AND YOUR NEW WIFE VISITS HER OFTEN AND ARE INVOLVED IN HER LIFE.SHE CAN COME SPEND WEEKENDS WITH YOU AND YOUR WIFE.WHEN YOUR WIFE GIVES BIRTH AND YOUR NEW BABY GETS TO 2 YEARS OR THEREABOUT,BRING YOUR DAUGHTER BACK AND LET THEM BOND.THAT WAY IT WILL BE EASIER FOR YOUR WIFE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER COS SHE HAS GATHERED ENOUGH EXPERIENCE CARING FOR HER OWN CHILD.SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU WANT IT.ALL THE BEST.
ReplyDeletePoster, do you realize that there are women who deliberately wait 2 or 3years after marriage before they begin to birth kids so as to enjoy the first few years of marriage?
ReplyDeleteThat being said, you can't force motherly responsibilities on a woman that isn't ready. It is quite a lot of load. You can't force your finacee to take in your child immediately after marriage. That is asking a lot and being totally selfish.
You better not take the sentimental advices here cuz you'll only end up getting married to a woman that will pretend to be nice and accommodating to your kid but will frustrate the poor girl to death. Your fiancee is only being realistic! Marriage is only between a man and a woman. Kids only come in to bless it and make it fruitful.
If you like me, you will like my dog. All I see is pretence., she is just trying to be nice to your daughter. Please tell her to bounce! Gbam
ReplyDeleteThat girl wants a man without children,she should wait for one. You can not under any circumstance send your daughter away. You took custody of her from her mother and you are not contemplating giving her to someone who is not her mother for a woman who might leave you one day.
ReplyDeleteI know. A lady who took longer than that...decades
ReplyDeleteYou took the child from her mother and now this? Brother please give her to her mother let the mother know what she is doing with her child. So this woman showed her real intentions...did she date you knowing you have a child? Now she wants to remove your child from the scene in the name of early years of marriage. Go and find a woman who has the heart to love your child or you will regret this and your child will not forgive you...ever. The minute you become a parent, your needs take a back seat to the child you brought forth. That child did not ask to be a child to two people who had no business getting married.
ReplyDeletePoster there is a saying that goes thus : love me, love my dog! She isn't ready to be a step mother, that will be the Genesis of sidelining ur first fruit.
ReplyDeleteI shout NO to this sir
ReplyDeletePoster I agree with your fiance, if ur not comfortable with it go get a matured lady with kids that has experience in dealing with situations like this. But if u want a tear rubber girl with no baggage, then don't expect her to put up with urs. She's still pretty young to put up with the stress of raising another man's child. At least give her the luxury of enjoying her marriage without stress, after a couple of years or when she starts having kids, she'd be mature enough in the marriage to deal with the situation. You can gradually bring your daughter into your home as the man of the house and she will not object.
ReplyDeletei cant believe ur thinking about it ..if she loves u she should not have giving u condition talk more of about ur child thank God she open up on time am a single mother too and i cant imagin leaving my son for my mother for any man even if the man carry gold for body...pls my dear no need to think about it or even beg her to care for ur child cos she might hurt ur baby girl or even kill her
ReplyDeleteits better you just abandon the lady ..if she cannot allow the child to stay with at this formative stage of the family..is it when she has given birth to her own..if she trully loves you, she would accept the child as being a part of your family from the beginning ..
ReplyDeletePlease don't marry her, she doesn't love you. If she's in love with you, then she will def want ur daughter around you. I once dated a guy that had a son, he was a widower n i loved his son like he was mine. Unfortunately we didn't end up getting married. But i still miss d boy till now.
ReplyDeletePoster, I pray to God that you will see this my comment.
ReplyDeleteI am a living testimony. I married at the age of 30 to my husband. My husband was a widow with 2 small children (Boy 5years and girl 7years). I determined that those children who were unfortunate to loose their mother at a tender age will find a mother in me. I tell you, it is not easy to love children you did not give birth to. It is only the woman that fear God DEEPLY that can succeed. Thank God, those kids are now in the University and they shower me love always. That is why I tell you, this your wife to be has already failed the test. If she cannot accept this little girl at this tender age and begin to groom her as her own, is it when your daughter will be a teenager she will accept her? Love is a sacrifice, if she sincerely loves you, she will not want to deprive this child of your love. This poor child has missed the love of her mother already. Please do not allow this evil plan from you wife to work. If you marry her, this child may suffer in your household and it will be worse when your wife to be has her own children. No love for any woman should overtake the love and duty you owe your child. This will show you that her love for you is not 100%, no matter what she is claiming with her mouth.
Please if you decide to marry her, you will do well for this child and send her to your mother,so this child will not suffer.
My brother, you also have to be very careful and look out for this child. Any woman you marry, YOU still have to watch out to make sure your child is happy in the household. Make it known to the woman you marry that if she wants the marriage to be sweet she has to take your child on board. You owe this to this innocent child.
Having said all this, I am not in any way saying she is a bad person. Its just that like I said, it is a grace given to you by God to accept a child you did not bear in marriage. She is yet to receive that Grace. May God guide your footsteps. Thank you.
my dear, DNT EVEN TRY IT in capitals.
ReplyDeleteshe's just waiting to get married and she will change ...
If she was the one, will she leave her child abi , is it ur fault u have a child already..
By the time few years pass now, she will bring up another excuse..
Dont try it.. sorry but this woman wont take care of ur child if u die (God forbid)
its better you just abandon the lady ..if she cannot allow the child to stay with at this formative stage of the family..is it when she has given birth to her own..if she trully loves you, she would accept the child as being a part of your family from the beginning ..
ReplyDeleteyou need to look at this from another angle. the girl is 26 and would want to have her space. why should she start being a mother the very day she gets married? People in this blog keep saying, you shouldn't have conditions before you get married but that is not true. Before you get married, you and your partner has to talk about your life after wedding,which includes finances, number of children, living arrangement for any already born kids.
ReplyDeleteYou can tell her that your daughter can stay with your mom for the first year but as soon as she starts having her own kids, you would like your daughter to live and get to know her siblings.
Mr poster looking for sympathy, what happened to the mother of your child???? And how come you took her baby from her???? Please clarify. We know your type. Mr hard man. You took another woman's child forcefully and now u are looking for another woman to take her in by force??? Issorait. You must think the world revolves around you.
ReplyDeleteForget say I be woman o!...I dey fear women die!...bros biko run for ur dear life...lmao
ReplyDeletePoster. You are talking about your new wife being a mother to your daughter. Where is your ex wife, you daughters real mother. What were the circumstances that led to you taking full custody of your daughter , why didn't you get joint custody . Listen I'm a mother and I cannot imagine losing custody of my twins.
ReplyDeleteA few pertinent question, are you richer that your ex wife. Did you throw her out and keep the child OR did she leave the child with you out of irresponsibility. All I can say is no woman can take care a child like its mother. Get back in touch with your ex wife. Let her have joint custody so that she can have her child some of the time( maybe school holidays) because a marriage breaks up does not mean you cannot co parent in peace. Let go of any bitterness or hatred towards your ex wife Anne let her be a part of your daughters life. Your daughter deserves to have her mother in her life. That way all the resoonsibilities of a mother role won't be on your new wife and I'm sure she will be able to cope with it and not ask for your daughter to leave. My 2 cents
Poster think of it this way....you are your daughter's only option with regards to who will love and cherish her forever. Her mother has not been in her life for years so obviously that love is gone. Your daughter sees you now as the love of her life and the person who has forsaken a lot to have her in your life. She loves and cherishes you for that.
ReplyDeleteYou on the other hand are a matured man who can have a choice of who to love. Same goes to your girlfriend. She can have a choice of who to love. You guys dont have to love each other, you choose to love each other. This is a choice your daughter doesn't have at her age.
If you go ahead with your girlfriends condition then you will be denying an innocent girl of love which is the same thing her mum has done to her. She doesn't deserve that at all.
Please let this girlfriend go. Your daughter needs you but your girlfriend wants you.
please don't marry her, she's not worth it. If she can't stay with you and your daughter at the early stages of marriage how do you expect her to do so later.
ReplyDeleteEarly stages of marriage are the time when a new family is supposed be together and understand each other. BE WISE
I suggest you break up with the lady-don't attempt to plead/negotiate. If she senses she is losing you, she will pretend to be willing to have your daughter now but your daughter's case will become like that of Cinderella and the EVIL step mum... Your gf is no nice lady-sorry to burst your bubble!
ReplyDelete