Marriage - Societal Pressure And Marrying Out Of Pity.

Ifesquare says.....

''We support the institution of marriage but we must also state that the rate of divorce amongst first time marriages is alarming! The first issue we want to address is marrying out of pity, we will thereafter move on to the issue of societal pressure....

1 Corinthians 13 is our building block for this episode. 1 Corinthians 13 (3-7) message version: “If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,”Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,Doesn’t revel when others grovel,Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,Puts up with anything,Trusts God always,Always looks for the best,Never looks back,But keeps going to the end.”

1. Marrying out of Pity.

Pity is the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the sufferings and misfortunes of others. The issue here is that marriage is a very strong institution, which should be based on love and not pity. The issue of Naomi in the bible is great example of deceit and marrying out of Laban’s misfortune. Laban wanted to conform to the cultural/societal norm.

 Laban’s action caused Leah a lot of emotional turmoil for Leah, she wasn't love by her husband, and Leah suffered emotionally abuse because of cultural norm and her deceitful father. Although our merciful God found a way to compensate her, but even God couldn't manipulate Jacob to love her. Want to know how bad the emotional abuse was? Jacob wasn't sleeping with her, that's how much he hated her guts. If she wanted to sleep with him, she had to bribe and plead with Rebekah. As stated above love doesn't force itself on others, do not allow anyone manipulate you emotionally into getting married to them. 

Factors such as financial distress, length of relationship, physical disability, church denomination, family ties, family pressure, cultural norms, etc., shouldn't be the driving force for marriage. The most important thing is hearing from God and love. If you’ve not been convinced that this is the will of God for your life don't settle. There are other ways of ministering to people’s misfortune without necessarily getting married to them. We have witnessed cases where men emotionally manipulate women who are of age or desperate for marriage. 

The truth is this if you marry below the value God intends for you; you may not feel fulfilled in that marriage. You may eventually check out of the situation. Some people have turned themselves to Martyrs without Gods instruction; they see themselves as Messiahs who need to salvage people from their misfortunes/ sufferings by getting married to them. Be kind to people help them out of their misfortunes, but be very objective when it comes to marriage don't mix things up. 

Compassion and love required for marriage are two different things entirely. Don't think you need to marry a man because you are the only one he depends on financially; don't think you need to marry a woman because if you don't marry her no one else will. Don't keep up with a man or woman because you are kind and you don't want to break their heart. Be very objective have your standards and stand by them (we are referring to godly standards oh). Moving on to social pressure.

2) Societal pressure in Nigeria / Africa is alarming! 
Everywhere you go, people are either terrorizing you or your parents. They say things like; when are we picking aso ebi ? Please if you want to buy new clothes visit Balogun (Just kidding lol) . These kind of people are emotional terrorists, they thrive on conversations based on misfortunes of others. They also say things like career is not everything; if you are a career woman and you don't get married you are useless? 

Paul wasn't married and aside from Jesus he made the most impact in the New Testament. He even went on to say married people take on more additional stress. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 28 (ESV) “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you”. This means that there is a need for maturity before marriage, this maturity will enable you to handle the worldly troubles when they come. 

That is why it is important to take your time and marry God’s will, if you marry under pressure when the trouble comes, your marriage will give way. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 17 (Message version) “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life”.

If you are one those people, who terrorize people stop it, take a step back and figure out yourself first. If you are one those people who has been terrorised please focus on the following things :

1) Find your purpose, understand why you were created, why you are in this world and start working on it.

2) Be patient wait patiently, regardless of what emotional terrorists have to say, have confidence in your self don't make any decision under pressure.

3) While waiting patiently, work on your maturity in the following areas

i) Spiritual maturity, get closer to God ensure you have a way of communicating with God. Can you ear from God about issues? If you can’t hear from God about trivial issues how would you be able to hear from him about an important institution as marriage?

ii) Financial independence, please understand your trade, that is understand what your career entails. Develop your business acumen; proverbs 31 woman was an industrious woman.

iii) Emotional and Intellectual maturity, you have to be intellectually mature; emotionally you have to be stable. Can you over look things? If your partner offends you can you genuinely forgive him?

iv) Physical maturity. Every one considering marriage must be physically mature. We are clearly against under age marriage.

Other things to work on include cleaning yourself up, cleaning the home, been nice to your neighbors, etc. Kindly note that development of these things are progressive, you may likely not get A* in everything but please have them in the works. 

At least you require maturity in the first 4 before settling down. Kindly note once again that we are not against the institution of marriage all we are saying is don't marry under pressure, marry based on the will of
God for you, ensure you can grow in love with the person. Please go ahead and listen to the Vlog , to the very end lol. Thank you once again.

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